Chapter Text
I miss you. – Samantha.
The message that had greeted her first thing this morning. The message that had booted her into panic mode. The message that had prompted Shepard's sudden urge for solitude.
Clothing had hastily been fixed, boots laced less intricately than usual and away she had went. Shepard had no idea where she was headed. She was only armed with the knowledge that she should simply follow her feet. So she did.
And here she was, tucked beneath a desk in the Spectre office in the Embassies. A safe place, if ever there was one.
I miss you.
Shepard read it over and over and over again. In itself, it was really nothing major. Sam was her girlfriend, and they hadn't seen each other for a time. Natural. Only, ever so slightly less natural due to the fact that Shepard, not five hours ago, had slept with someone else. Someone who wasn't Sam. Someone who wasn't her girlfriend.
I miss you.
Her heart hammered in her chest. I miss you, too. Eyes full of sadness, she closed the message, still having not penned a reply. But I love Liara, too. Perhaps Shepard wouldn't include that last piece of information when it came to her real reply.
God, what kind of mess had she gotten herself into this time?
Maybe she'd just let the next Husk she encountered actually bite her face off. Problem solved! Unless they brought her back from the dead again. Problem unsolved.
So… hiding under the special Spectre desk was it for the day.
"Shepard…?"
"Oh, dear god!" She started, cracking her head off the metallic panel behind her. Feet shuffled, came closer, bending as the intruder crouched. Kaidan's face came into view. "What are you doing here?"
Half amused, half confused, he chuckled. That chuckle that always reminded her of a middle aged father… in the nicest possible way. "Spectre, now, remember?" She nodded dumbly, still reeling from the bang to her head. "I'm more concerned with what you're doing here."
"Spectre, now, remember?"
Another fatherly laugh. Shepard actually joined him this time. "Thanks for reminding me." The crouch must have gotten uncomfortable for him. Instead, he shifted into a sit, arms wrapping around his knees. "Seriously, though, under a table?"
"Desk."
"Whatever." His eyes roamed over the piece of furniture. "What's up?"
She paused. There was no way she could spin this that wouldn't make her look even nuttier than she currently did. "I… dropped my earring."
He frowned. "You don't wear earrings."
"Now I can see why they made you a Spectre."
"Avoiding the question can only get you so far, Shepard."
She sighed, palming her face. "What I say stays here, understood, Major?"
Kaidan outstretched his pinkie. "Spectre promise." Shepard connected hers to his. Kaidan tried to ignore the rush he felt from the pathetic touch.
"Spectre promise."
"So…?"
Shepard shrugged. "You ever do something so stupid?"
He nodded, shifting a little closer so he could also rest his back against the table… desk panel. "I spent the entire time on the SR1 trying to fix that damn computer in the mess hall. Never managed it. That was pretty stupid." Kaidan purposefully forgot to mention that he had fallen in love with the very same Commander he was sat so closely to right this second, completely letting the fact that she was gay go straight over his head. That was a little stupid, too. More than a little. Majorly stupid. Majorly Kaidan Stupid. He grinned at his own joke.
"We all need distractions, I guess. And it kept you busy."
Busy from thinking about you. That was a lie. It didn't help. "I guess so, yeah." Lie. "So what? Have you screwed up somewhere?"
She sighed, resting her head upon his shoulder. Kaidan swallowed hard. Goddamnit, he needed to get over this… thing. "Not somewhere. Everywhere."
"Tell me about it."
"I… maybe that's not such a good idea. Everyone has enough on their plates at it is, you don't need my drama on top of that." She made an effort to move.
"Hey! Where are you going?" Alenko looked down at her, taking a firm hold of her hand, stopping her. "You need to vent as much as anyone else does. Commander Shepard isn't infallible." Her eyes really were quite something. "So, uhm, talk to me."
She smiled. God, she smiled. He couldn't fall into the Shepard trap again. It only led to dead ends. "I think… do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?"
Kaidan felt his heart seize. Two people? That was Liara and? He grit his jaw. He was an intelligent man and this was beneath him. Shepard liked girls, women… asari! Not men, and certainly not him. But her touch… Alenko cleared his throat. "With you, anything's possible, Commander." Good. Defence in the form of humour. Now I'm turning into Joker.
"It's stupid, I shouldn't have said anything."
"No-no!" Kaidan grabbed her to stop her from leaving again. Shepard's arms shot out to brace herself on the panel, one either side of the Major's head, they found themselves in rather… close quarters. Kaidan could feel her hot breath upon his cheek. She smelt of cinnamon. Beautiful, delirium-inducing cinnamon. He bit his lower lip. She frowned. "Please don't leave."
"Kaidan..." Her voice was soft. Softer than he'd ever heard it. The sound flowed through his ears like a hot spoon through honey. "I think you've-"
A kiss. Softer still. He couldn't help himself even if he had wanted to. Though, he wished he had. A hand on Kaidan's chest gently urged him away. Back against the panel. Dark eyes examined him, as if seeing him for the first time. There was a spark of hope-
"Kaidan, I'm…" Shepard crawled away, shooting to her feet. "I'm sorry."
She was gone before he could even blink. Out of sight, but not quite out of mind.
Kissing her had been a mistake. It didn't feel like that to him, but it was. Kaidan had chased her away. This would destroy their friendship, and, really, that was all he had. It had been enough. Why did he have to get so greedy?
She was trying to confide in you and you took advantage. What kind of man are you? One hand lifted, massaging his temples. "I'm such a jerk."