Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I need to drop out of school,”  Michael tells Isobel over the phone in early August.

“What!” she nearly shrieks.  Then after a pause where Michael doesn’t offer up any additional information, “Did something happen to Alex.  Is he alright?”

“Alex is fine,” Micheal reassures her.

“So what’s the problem?  I know you’re acing all your classes.  If you changed your mind about the agricultural engineering thing, you know you can always switch majors.”

“No classes have been easy, it’s just I’ve exhausted all the classes I can take online.”  Michael had burned through all his general education classes and the introductory classes for his major in a year by taking extra credits and maxing out the available summer classes.  All he has left are the specialized classes for his major and those are only offered in person.

“So,” Isobel says with such flippancy he can see her shrugging.  “I know you’re a little older, but you can’t be afraid of a bunch of eighteen year olds.  No one is going to force you to buy them alcohol and go to a keg party.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

“If you think your farm classes are going to be filled with a bunch of rednecks, you don’t actually have to tell them you have a husband.  Or you could just trip them with your mind anytime they say something homophobic,” Isobel suggests.

“Way to stereotype,” Michael scolds her.  “And they’re not farm classes.  I’m studying ways to improve, you know what, forget it.”  Michael cuts himself off, knowing Isobel isn’t concerned with the intricacies of his major.

“Still failing to see a problem here.”

“In-person classes mean I’ll be on campus for hours at a time.  I don’t know if Alex is ready for that.”  Michael feels stressed just thinking about it.

“Alex or you?” Isobel asks knowingly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Look, if you were worried about Alex you would call Maria,” Isobel tells him.  “But you called me which means you’re the one freaking out, not Alex.”

“Alex says he’s fine, that I need to stop treating him like he’s fragile, but I’m afraid to be away from him,” Michael confesses.

“You can’t tell me you’ve never left him alone.”  When Michael doesn’t say anything, Isobel sighs.  “Michael, it’s been over a year.  You can’t possibly be with him every second of every day.  That’s not good for either of you.”

“It’s not that bad,”  Michael insists.  “Of course we’re apart, just usually still in the same place.  We have therapy separately.”  Michael knows it’s a weak defense but it’s all he has.  “Judith had me practice over the summer.  Made me go out for a few hours, go to the store or something.  I never made it past the end of the street.”

“Michael,” Isobel admonishes him.  “I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.  How did you explain going to the store and not buying anything?”

“I just have the grocery delivery sent to my truck,” Michael admits.

“That’s horrible.  And you haven’t told Alex?”

“Oh, he definitely knows, he’s just letting me think I’m getting away with it, but school starts next week.”  Michael’s hand tightens on the phone just thinking about leaving Alex.  “I can’t do it, Iz.  What if something happens, what if he gets hurt or he needs me?  What if I come home, and he’s just gone,” Michael confesses, heart pounding, mouth dry just from saying it out loud.

“Michael,” Isobel says softly, “Alex isn’t going to disappear.  You know that.  But yes, he could get hurt or need you, but he can always call you.  Alex isn’t helpless.  I know he’s been through a lot, and you worry, but think of how much he’s survived.  I’m pretty sure you going to class for a few hours isn’t the worst thing that’s happened.”

“I know that, but it still feels like I’m abandoning him.  And how am I going to concentrate on class when I’ll spend the whole time worrying and wishing I was at home.”

“Dropping out isn’t an option.  I’d kill you, but Alex will get there first.  I’d tell you to get your shit together, but we don’t have enough time for you to cycle through three existential crises so I'll be there on Sunday.  I can stay with Alex until you realize that he’s a grown man who can spend a few hours away from you without panicking.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Michael protests.

“I don’t have to, but I want to.  You and Alex deserve to be happy, and I’m not letting you give up on your dreams that easily.  Besides, I haven’t spent enough time with my brother-in-law.  It will be fun,” Isobel adds brightly.

“Thanks, Iz,” Michael says, breathing a sigh of relief.

He tells Alex about it that night.  “Isobel’s coming to visit.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Alex says flatly.

“I know,” Michael assures him.  “But I think I do.”

“Is she going to class with you?”  Alex asks, clearly amused by the idea.

“No, she’s going to be here with you.  Before you say anything, it’s to make me feel better.  I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready to leave you alone,” Michael admits guiltily.

Alex studies him intently before shrugging. 

“Ok.”

“Ok?” Michael asks, surprised Alex is giving in so easily.  “That’s it?”

“It’s what you need.  If you said you had Isobel coming because you thought I wasn’t capable of being alone, I’d be pissed and tell you to forget it.  But if having her here makes it easier for you to go to class and be brilliant, then that’s what we do.”  

“I love you,” is the only response Michael can think of.

“I love you, too,” Alex takes his hand and kisses his wedding ring.  “And that means we support each other.  We both have a lot of issues, and we help each other deal with them any way that works.  I’m not going to judge you for that.”

“Isobel is definitely judging me,” Michael says to lighten the mood.

“Sisterly privilege,” Alex laughs.

True to her word, Isobel arrives a few days before Michael’s first class.  Even with her there, Michael changes his mind multiple times about leaving, and in the end it’s one of the hardest things he’s ever done.  Isobel promises to text him, but only between classes - at Alex’s insistence - to let him know Alex is alright. The first few days, he lives for those texts, but it gets easier.

It helps that Alex and Isobel get along so well.  He comes home to the two of them laughing at the television or painting each other’s nails.  One day Michael finds Alex in the garden while Isobel works on her laptop, another day Isobel is making dinner while Alex naps on the couch.  He loves seeing them so comfortable with each other, but Isobel can’t stay forever.

“How is it going?” Isobel asks midway through the second week of her visit.

“Really good.  Classes are a lot more interesting than what I was doing before.  I like the professors, and the workload isn’t too bad.”

“Not too bad for a genius,” Isobel corrects him.

Michael shrugs because she’s not wrong.  “I can’t thank you enough for being here.  I don’t know that I could have done it without you.”

“You would have figured it out, or more likely Alex would have made you go,” Isobel tells him with a smile.  “I’m leaving next week.”

Michael nods.  “We’ll be ok.”

“I know you will be, but before I go I think you should get a cat.”

“A cat?” 

“Alex is fine here without you, but I think it could be lonely.  The only person he really talks to is Maria, and I’m going to bugging him as much as he’ll let me, but he needs something here.  A cat is perfect, low maintenance and independent, but still cuddly.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Michael admits.  He’s never had a pet, and he doesn’t think Alex has either - beyond a lizard- and the only pet they ever talked about was a dog.  It was part of their future plan, house, dog, kids - the whole shebang.  But Isobel is right, a cat might be a better fit right now.

“I can’t decide if you should go all black to match Alex’s aesthetic or one of those fluffy cats with the smushed face that looks like it’s mad all the time,” Isobel contemplates.

“You’re not picking our cat based on looks,” Michael tells her, but she just laughs.

Michael hasn’t said anything to Alex yet, but it seems like fate with his afternoon class is canceled the day after Isobel mentioned getting a cat.  Instead of heading straight home, he stops by the county animal shelter.  He notices a few people walking dogs, but early afternoon on a weekday, the parking lot is mostly empty. When Michael enters the main building, he’s greeted by an older volunteer with a name tag identifying him as Mark.

“I’m thinking about adopting a cat,” Michael tells him.

“That’s great,” Mark says enthusiastically, not put off by Michael’s hesitation.  “Were you thinking a kitten or an adult cat?”

“I’m not really sure,” Michael admits.  “But probably an older cat.”

“Well, let’s see who we have,”  Mark guides Michael through the building and out a back exit.  “The cats are in the building across the walkway.  Just follow me.”

As they walk, Michael notices a few dogs in the outdoor portion of their kennels.  Most are sleeping in the sun, but one dog is throwing a ball in the air and chasing after it.  Michael stops and watches the dog for a minute, feeling bad there is no one to play with it.  “Who is that?”

Mark follows Michael’s line of sight.  “Oh, that’s Bumble.”

“Like a bee?”  Michael asks, confused, he can’t see anything about the dog that reminds him of a bee.  The dog is tall and muscular, but thin with short, thick white fur.  Even his ears are long and silky, not upright like antennas.

“No, like the Abominable Snow Monster from Rudolph”  Mark looks as confused as Michael felt when he mentions a bee.  “He was brought in with some other dogs from a neglect and hoarding situation, and they were all given names from the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer special.”

Michael swallows hard because he knows if they were picking names from a Christmas special he was probably brought in last winter and it’s late August.  “He’s been here a long time.”

“Not exactly,” Mark hesitates.  “He’s been adopted twice, but he was returned both times.”

“Is he aggressive?”  Michael can’t imagine bringing a dog home and then taking him back to the shelter unless there was a serious problem.

“Oh no, he’s really sweet, just young.  We estimate he’s about two now so he has a lot of energy and needs a lot of attention.  Neither adopter was really able to give him that.  He’ll be a great dog for the right family.”

“Can I meet him?”  Michael asks without really meaning to.

“He’s a lot bigger than a cat,” Mark says dubiously.  “We have smaller dogs too.”

Michael shakes his head.  He doesn’t necessarily want a dog, but he thinks he might want this dog.  “My husband works from home,” he says instead of trying to explain the connection he feels to Bumble.

“Ok,” Mark shrugs and lets him into the kennel. 

Bumble goes crazy, running in circles and practically jumping straight up in the air when he sees them.  But he listens when Mark tells him to sit.  Michael approaches him cautiously, letting Bumble sniff his hand before he tries to pet him.  He takes a moment to feel how soft his fur is and how strong he feels, but Bumble is almost vibrating under his hand, and Michael takes pity on him.  “You want to play?”  he asks, picking up Bumble’s ball.

They play fetch until Bumble finally drops the ball, panting, and runs to his water bowl.  Michael joins Mark on the bench in the corner to the kennel.  “We have fenced in yard.”

“You do,” Mark says with a knowing smirk.

“I know you said he’s not aggressive, but,” Michael stops, not sure what to ask.

“He’s not,” Mark assures him.  “He’s good with kids and other animals if that’s a concern.”

“Not yet, but my husband has some mobility issues,” Michael explains.

“That shouldn’t be a problem. His first adopter was an elderly woman who used a walker.  She never had any safety concerns with Bumble, she just couldn’t keep up with him.”

While they are talking, Bumble comes over to sit with them, pressing against Michael’s leg and resting his head on his knee.  Michael pictures him sitting with Alex, remembers how Alex always greeted dogs they ran into. Michael pets Bumble absently, knowing in his heart he’s made his decision.  He knows he’s projecting, but he can’t stand the thought of Bumble being left behind again or rejected for being too much to handle.  “So what do I need to do to adopt him?”

“No other pets right?”  Mark waits for Michael to nod.  “There’s some paperwork to fill out, but once that’s done you can take him home today if you want to.”

Michael sends Alex a text that he’ll be late and follows Mark back to the office.  “Don’t worry, I’ll be back,” he promises when Bumble whines at the gate once it’s latched behind Michael.

The paperwork takes a while, but soon Michael is leaving the shelter with Bumble walking next to him.  They stop at a pet store on the way home for food, bowls and several toys - Mark had advised that Bumble likes to chew so heavy duty toys were best.  When he gets home, Michael leaves Bumble in the car just long enough to make sure he can safely bring him in the house.  “I’ll be right back,” he tells him.

Isobel is in the living room and points to the backyard when she spots Michael.  He finds Alex misting his tomato plants.  “Hey,’ he kisses Alex’s cheek.

Alex smiles and turns for a proper kiss.  “Class run long?”

“Nope, I actually have a surprise for you, but need you to come inside.”  He gestures for Alex to sit on the couch once they are inside.  “Just wait here for a second.”

Isobel looks up from her computer, “What’s going on?”

“Michael has a surprise,” Alex tells her, clearly amused.

“Is it what we talked about?” Isobel asks, eyebrows raised.

“Not exactly, just wait here,” Michael tells them nervously.

He lets Bumble out of the car and waits while he sniffs the yard and marks his territory in a few places.  When they get to the door, Michael hesitates.  “Look, Alex is going to love you, but try to go easy on him at first.  Just be cute and don’t overwhelm him.”  Michael knows Bumble doesn’t understand him, and he’s already wiggling in excitement, but Michael really wants this to work.

“Welcome home, buddy,” he says, opening the door and holding tight to Bumble’s leash.  “This is Bumble,” he introduces him once they are inside.

Isobel stands up, her eyes wide with shock.  “That is not a cat.”

“No shit, Iz,” Michael rolls his eyes.  But it’s Alex’s reaction he cares about so he turns to look at his husband.  

Alex hasn’t moved, he’s staring at Bumble with a carefully blank look on his face.  Michael moves closer, but still holds Bumble back from making contact.  “Alex?”  he prompts.

A huge smile breaks out on Alex’s face.  “Come here, sweetheart,” he coos, addressing Bumble not Michael.  He pats the cushion next to him.  “Aren’t you a handsome boy, you want to come say hello?”

Bumble leaps up onto the couch, but slowly crawls forward until he is half in Alex’s lap.  Alex gives a delighted laugh and praises Bumble for being so sweet.  “You’re such a good boy, aren’t you.”  He rubs Bumble’s ears and kisses the top of his head before turning to Michael, “I always wanted a dog.”

“I remembered,” Michael lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding as he watches Bumble and Alex fall in love with each other.

Life with a dog is an adjustment, but it makes it easier for Michael to leave every day knowing Alex isn’t alone.  There are stumbling blocks - accidents, learning to establish boundaries, Bumble's penchant for running off with Alex’s used liners while he takes his prosthetic off, the sticker shock of their first vet visit - they can afford it, but part of Michael will always worry about spending money.

All of that is worth it for the times he finds Alex and Bumble wrapped up around each other on the couch, the way Alex learns to read with his book help high to accommodate Bumble in his lap, the nights the spend in the yard, Michael using his telekinesis to throw multiple balls for Bumble to chase.

They are sitting in the yard one night laughing at Bumble trying to pick up three balls at once when Alex pulls Michael into his lap and asks, “So why Bumble?  Isobel said you went for a cat.”

“That’s what she suggested, and it seemed like a good idea.  But I saw him, and he was playing all by himself, kind of like that,” he points to where Bumble is still wrestling with the balls.  Michael pulls one of the balls away and sends it to the other side of the yard, watching Bumble try to decide if he wants to chase it or work on stuffing a second ball in his mouth.  Michael moves it again, and he barks at the ball, trying to figure out how it’s moving, before chasing after it.

“Then Mark told me about him,” Michael continues, shaking his head.  “I just couldn't believe he’d been returned twice, not just once, and that’s after being neglected.  And he was still so happy.  He deserved a chance.”

“He did,” Alex agrees, tightening his hold on Michael.  “You did too, you know.”  He kisses Michael’s shoulder before resting his chin on it.

“Alex,” Michael sighs.  “It’s not about me.  I could just tell he was a good dog.  We always planed to get a dog someday so it seemed like fate. And I was right, I know you love him.”

“I do, but Michael, I love you too.  And you were good too.”

“Are you saying I’m projecting my issues onto our dog?” Michael tries to laugh.

“You’re not subtle,” Alex shrugs.  “But better our dog than our kids.”

Michael’s heart skips a beat.  They haven’t talked about kids since Alex came back, one of the dreams he thought might have been lost.  “You still want that?” he asks.

“Maybe,” Alex says cautiously.  “Let’s see how we do with Bumble first.”

It doesn’t take long for Michael to realize how much of a difference Bumble makes in Alex’s life.  Alex is lighter - he smiles more, he gets to be playful with Bumble.  But Bumble is also a physical comfort to Alex.  He loves laying on Alex’s lap or stretching out with him on the couch.  When Alex is stressed, sitting with Bumble and petting him helps him relax more than anything else they’ve tried.  

After over a year of freedom, Alex still struggles outside the house.  Crowds make him uncomfortable, but open spaces make him feel too vulnerable.  Michael’s hopes that Bumble could help with this as well are proved false.  Bumble’s attachment to Alex makes him overprotective, and the few times they tried taking him out in public, Bumble growled at anyone who came close to Alex.  Michael has even found it best to take Bumble outside or on a walk during Alex’s physical therapy because he thinks the therapist is hurting Alex.

But sitting in one of their joint therapy sessions, noticing how much easier it is for Alex to open up with Bumble pressed against his chest, he has an idea.  “I think Alex should get a service dog,” he blurts out.

“I think that is an idea worth exploring.  Bumble,” Judith’s mouth twitches into a smile when she says his name, “has been a great addition to your family.  A dog with formal training could be a huge benefit.  What do you think Alex?”

Alex hesitates, but laughs when Bumble licks his face.  “I’ve never thought about it, but yeah, I think it could help.”

“Well then I think we should all do a little research and talk more in depth about this next week,” Judith advises.

In the end the decision is easy, but the logistics are more complicated.  Michael has concerns about long wait lists and travel required for in person training, not to mention choosing between dozens of organizations.  He can see Alex getting discouraged and does something he’s tried to avoid: he calls Clay.

Pharaoh arrives two weeks later along with her trainer, Brittany, a petite and cheerful redhead.  Pharaoh is not what Michael was expecting.  Based on some of the research they’d done, he’d assumed Alex’s service dog would be a lab or golden retriever, maybe a German shepherd.  Pharaoh is none of those; she’s a deep brown, tall and muscular with darker fur along her spine.

Brittany notices Michael’s confusion, “Pharaoh is a Rhodesian Ridgeback, not the most common service dog breed, but we’ve found them to be a great fit for our veterans.  Pharaoh is easily one of the best dogs I’ve ever trained.”

Michael hangs back while Pharaoh and Alex get to know each other.  Alex starts out a little reserved, but it doesn’t take long for him to connect with Pharaoh.  The next month is filled with intensive training - mainly for Alex and Pharaoh, but also Michael and even Bumble.  Michael doesn’t know what criteria was used to choose Pharaoh for Alex, but they fit together better than he even imagined.  Even in training, when they are in public, Pharaoh and Alex look like they belong together so much that you barely notice her.  It allows her to support Alex without drawing attention to him.

Once the training is over, they settle into life with Pharaoh.  A second dog, even one of extensive training is an adjustment, but one they are happy to make.  Pharaoh’s name suits her as well as Bumble’s does - where he is all legs and chaotic energy, she is elegant and reserved.  But she loves Alex just as fiercely as Bumble does.

The improvement in Alex's life is immediate.  Part of Pharaoh’s training is alerting Alex if he starts having a nightmare.  She is able to detect them early enough that she can often interrupt him without waking him up or at least in time for him to fall back asleep.  Instead of Alex struggling to wake up before Michael leaves in the morning, he’s often the first one awake, greeting Michael with coffee before class.

They also spend a lot more time out of the house.  Bumble has decided he trusts Pharaoh to take care of Alex so most nights they take both dogs for a walk or to the farmer’s market when it’s open.  Michael, Alex and Pharaoh go to the store together for Michael’s projects or items for the garden.  It’s close to the life they dreamed of.

Then one day Michael comes home from class to find Bumble in his crate and the house empty.  He lets Bumble out when he starts whining.  “Where’s Alex?  Where’s your dad?”

Bumble runs to his water bowl, unconcerned with Alex’s absence.  Michael checks the living room, bedroom and even the basement, but no Alex and no response when he calls his name.  When neither Alex or Pharaoh are in the backyard, he truly starts to panic.  Michael runs through the house again, shouting for Alex, but still nothing.

“Think, Michael, think,” he reminds himself, pulling at his hair.  If something happened to Alex, he might be at the hospital, but it could be worse.  Maybe there is still part of Project Sheppard that is active and they’d taken Alex for revenge.  He has to find Alex, but he doesn’t know where to start, but maybe Clay will.

Michael makes it as far as Clay’s assistant, frantically trying to explain that it is an emergency, when the door opens and Alex walks in with Pharaoh.  “Never mind,” Michael says hastily before hanging up the phone.

“Where have you been?  Are you ok,”  Michael rushes to Alex, heart still pounding, and runs his hands over him, checking for injuries.

“I’m fine, we just went to the store to get some stuff for dinner.”  Alex kisses Michael on the cheek and moves past him to take the bag he’s carrying into the kitchen.

“The store?”  Michael repeats.  He runs his hands through his hair and tries to calm down.  “Jesus, I thought you were hurt or kidnapped.  I was calling Clay to see if he could check hospitals or facial recognition or something.”

Alex looks at him, brow furrowed.  “You thought someone kidnapped me in my own car and stopped to put Bumble in his crate?”

Michael realizes he never thought to look for Alex’s car.  “You weren’t home.  I didn’t know what to think.”

“Michael, I left you a note,”  Alex puts to the fridge where a bright green sticky note states he went to the store and will be right back. 

“I didn’t see it,” Michael admits, sheepishly.

“I figured that out when you told me you were calling my brother to send Deep Sky after me,” Alex crosses his arms across his chest.  “You could have called me first.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael says, realizing how much he overreacted.  “You weren’t here, and I panicked.”

Alex’s expression softens, and he steps forward, pulling Michael into a hug.  “I’m sorry too.  I didn’t mean to scare you.  But if Pharaoh is here to help me be independent, I need to actually be more independent.”

“I know, and it’s great that you feel comfortable going out on your own, it just might take some getting used to.  Maybe you could text me in addition to the note, at least for now.”

“That’s better than having Deep Sky agents descending on me at the grocery store,” Alex laughs, kissing Michael’s head before whispering in his ear.  “We’re going to be ok.”

“Yeah,” Michael agrees.  “We are.”

A few months later, Michael leaves class after a challenging test to find Alex and Pharaoh waiting for him.

“How did it go?” Alex asks, handing Michael a milkshake from the diner off campus.

“Fine,” Michael shrugs. “It wasn’t hard, just time consuming.”

“That’s because you’re a genius,” Alex smiles proudly.  “I saw at least two people come out of the class crying.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Michael insists, laughing and taking a sip of his milkshake.  “This isn’t bad either, but it’s not as good as the Crashdown.”

Alex had fallen in step with Michael when he left the classroom so they had been slowly making their way toward the parking lot, but Alex stops and turns toward Michael.  “You could go back, you know,” he says softly.

“What? No,”  Michael pulls Alex over to a nearby bench so they can sit down.  “No milkshake is worth being away from you.”

“It wouldn’t have to be for a milkshake,” Alex clarifies.  “You could visit Max and Isobel. I know you miss them.”

“I do, but I think it’s the way people miss family they don’t live near,” Michael shrugs.  Neither he or Alex have a strong concept of what a family should be.  “We talk, and they can come here.  And maybe it’s not fair to put the burden of visiting on them, but I have no desire to go back to Roswell, not even for a day.”  Micheal hesitates, needing to be sure where this is coming from.  “Do you want to go back?  We can make that happen.”

“God, no,”  Alex laughs. “You mentioned the Crashdown, and it made me think there may be things you miss about Roswell.  I don’t want to hold you back.”

“You don’t, you can’t,” Michael rushes to reassure him.  He holds Alex’s face in his hands and kisses him deeply.  “I love you, and the only place I want to be is at your side.  The way we go got here might have gotten a little fucked up, but this is what I wanted years ago.  Before you were hurt, before I lost you, we were always leaving Roswell behind.  This is our choice.”

“Ok,” Alex agrees, kissing Michael before resting his head on his shoulder.  

Michael checks to see Pharaoh is still relaxed so he knows Alex isn’t too upset, but he still feels like he’s missing something.  “Is something bothering you?”

“Not really,” Alex sighs.  “I guess I’m just feeling restless.”

“In what way?”

“I’m not sure,” Alex admits.  “I’ve just spent all my time focusing on healing, on getting better, and I feel like I’m finally getting there. It’s been almost two years, and physically, I’m in good shape, I’ve adjusted to the prosthetic.  Mentally, between therapy and Pharaoh, I’m not anxious all the time, I’m not afraid I’m going to lose everything again.  All that energy I had to put into just making it through the day is still there, but I don’t need it as much.”

“That’s a good thing,” Michael smiles when Alex nods.  “I’m so proud of you.  Your health, mental and physical, are always going to be the priority, but being ready for more than that is amazing.  Any ideas?”

“Nope,” Alex says with a rueful grin.

“We’ll figure it out, but first we should probably get home before Bumble thinks we abandoned him,”  Michael stands up and reaches for Alex’s hand.  

“Home sounds good.”

Alex brings it up again during their next session with Judith.  “Michael and I were talking the other day, and I told him I think I am ready for something to do outside physical therapy and just being home.”

“That’s great,” Judith says warmly.  “We’ve been discussing transitioning to the next phase of your life when it becomes about more than just recovery in your individual sessions.  Have you thought much about what that looks like for you?”

“I think I know more about what it doesn’t look like,” Alex says, sounding a little frustrated.  “I’ve been doing some remote work for Clay, Deep Sky stuff, and I don’t think I want more than that employment wise.  I like the project I’m working on, but since it’s remote, it doesn’t feel like progress.  At the same time, I don’t think spending time with strangers for a job is what I need.  I don’t think I am ready for that much structure or interaction with other people.”

“It’s good that you understand some of your boundaries.  I know you are concerned about needing to explain your circumstances, and while there are ways to avoid that and as you know even if you choose to share, you have nothing to be ashamed of, that might not be the next step right now.  We can look at activities that allow you to be more in control,” Judith advises him.

“What do you recommend?”  Michael asks.  This is more detail that he and Alex had gotten into the other day.  “You can step back from your work with Clay if that helps.”  Michael redirects his attention to Alex.  He’s excited about the work Alex has been doing to decode the Osisian language, but he doesn’t want it to interfere with Alex’s progress.

“No, I like what I’m doing, and I can spend as much or as little time on it as I want.  It’s important to you, to both of us.  I’m not giving that up,” Alex assures him warmly.

“Volunteer work is one option,” Judith interjects.  “Although it may have some of the same pitfalls as far as dealing with strangers, you would have much more control over your involvement.  Depending on what you choose to get involved with, I may have some concerns about the emotional toll, but there are administrative roles that may be less emotionally taxing.”

Alex thinks about it for a moment.  “I think it might be a better idea for the future.  I don’t trust myself not to get so caught up in problem solving that I get too involved.”

Michael lets out a sigh of relief.  He knows more than anyone how driven Alex can be to help, and it may be selfish, but Alex comes first.  

“Another option is to turn interests and hobbies you already have into opportunities for social interaction.  For instance if you love reading, you might join a book club.  If you enjoy hiking, you could look for opportunities for group hikes.  This way the focus is on sharing an activity you enjoy rather than on you.  You’ve both mentioned before that music is a big part of Alex’s life,”  Judith prompts.

“My mom taught me to play piano, I learned to play guitar watching my brothers.  Music is what brought Michael and I together.  I don’t know who I am without it. I still play almost every night.”  Alex answers.

“What do you think you could do with that?” Judith asks.

“I don’t know,” Alex admits.  “There was a time when all I wanted to do was make music. But performing isn’t something I'm interested in anymore.”

“Alex has been teaching me to play the piano,” Michael interjects.  He doesn't know why, but it feels important.  It started on nights when Alex couldn’t sleep, and he would sit at the piano.  Michael would join him and copy the movement of his fingers on the piano.  But Alex insisted Michael learn how to play, not just how to mimic Alex.  It was a late night comfort for both of them that grew into a routine.

“Has he been,”  Judith smiles.  “Maybe that is where we start.”

After talking more with Judith and Michael, Alex decides he would like to try giving music lessons.  Michael puts up some flyers around campus, and they advertise anonymously in the community newsletter.  It is easy enough to convert some of the unused space in the house into a lesson room.  Alex already has a piano, keyboard, and a few guitars, but he purchases some of the more common instruments he expects to teach.

Michael picks up a clarinet before looking over a trombone.  “Do you actually know how to play these?”  Alex plays the piano most nights and the guitar regularly, but he’s never mentioned any other instruments.

“It’s been a while, but I’ve played most of them, and I read music well enough to catch back up.”  Alex shrugs.

“Really?  Did you switch instruments every year?”  Michael asks.

“Not exactly.  I was never officially in the band.  My father thought it was a waste of time,” Alex explains.  “But after things fell apart with Kyle, I tried hiding out in the band room during lunch.  The music teacher felt sorry for me and let me stay, but she told me students weren’t allowed to hang out in classrooms so I had to be learning something.”

“And you taught yourself the whole orchestra?”  Somehow Michael isn’t surprised.

“Not by myself,” Alex laughs.  “She started with woodwinds, then brass instruments and percussion.  Remember how in middle school everyone who wasn’t in band had study hall that period?  Well, she would let me come down and fill in for people who were absent when they were practicing.  I kept the same schedule through high school so even though I was never in the band, I could play all the songs.”

“And on all the instruments,” Michael shakes his head.

“That’s why my guitar was in the music room.  She let me keep it there so my dad wouldn’t take it from me,”  Alex explains.

“So you’re telling me if it wasn’t for Mrs. Schull having a soft spot for you, we might never have gotten together?”  Michael laughs.

“Maybe we owe her a fruit basket or something,” Alex laughs as well.

Alex expects to get a few students at most. College students who took a music class for an easy A and got in over their heads.  And he does get a couple of those, but he is also asked to teach a surprising number of school age students - middle schoolers learning their first instrument and high school band members aiming for first chair or preparing for a competition.  Alex is hesitant at first, not sure how their parents will react to a disabled, gay vet as a music tutor, but he’s more successful than he imagined.

Michael usually hangs around during Alex’s lessons, sometimes to keep the parents occupied if they stay so they don’t drive Alex crazy, but mostly because he loves watching Alex.  They haven’t talked about kids seriously in years, not since before Alex died, but watching him with his students reminds Michael of why he thought Alex would make a wonderful father.  He’s patient and kind, gentle with the younger students, even letting them cry when they need to before reminding them of how music can be fun.  Michael loves watching him out bitch face the grumpiest teenagers until they are laughing instead of pouting.  It’s not long before Alex has a waiting list of students hoping for lessons.

By taking extra credits and a full load in all summer sessions, Michael completes his bachelor's degree in two and a half years.  He graduates in December; it’s a smaller ceremony, but Max and Isobel are there along with Alex and Pharoah to see him get his diploma and it’s perfect.  

Isobel decorates the house and surprises them with a buffet filled with chafing dishes from the Crashdown.   “There’s more in your freezer,” Isobel tells him laughing when Michael sits down with two plates heaping with food.  “You don’t have to eat it all now.”

“Why didn’t we think of this before?” Michael asks Alex as he digs into his own enchiladas.  “New rule, no one visits without bringing food.  And next time there better be a cooler full of milkshakes.”

Max leaves the next day, but Isobel stays with Bumble so Michael and Alex can take a long weekend to celebrate.  They rent a cabin in a nearby state park where they can do some light hiking during the day and stargazing at night.

“Reminds me of sneaking out to the desert at night our first summer together,” Michael tells Alex when they are lucky enough to catch a mini meteor shower from the porch.

“A little colder though,” Alex snuggles closer to Michael under the blanket.  

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll keep you warm,” Michael teases, working his hand under Alex’s shirt.

Alex snorts before turning serious, “ I’m proud of you, you know that.”

“It’s just the first step,” Michael shrugs.  “I start my Master’s next month so another two years before I’m really doing anything.”

“Michael, don’t,” Alex sighs.  “What you’ve done is amazing.  Nothing in your life has ever been easy, but you kept dreaming.  All those plans we made years ago, you’re making them happen.  I’m proud of you,” Alex repeats.

“We’re making them happen,”  Michael corrects him.  “None of this happens without you.  No one has ever believed in me like you do.”

“Of course I believe in you.  You’re a genius, I mean–anyone that spends more than five minutes with you can tell you’re brilliant.  But it’s more than that.  You could do anything, Michael.  You could take over the world if you wanted to, but instead you look for ways to help, ways to make things better.”

Michael wants to brush off Alex’s praise, but there is a part of him that knows it’s true.  Max and Isobel always nodded along, but looked at him blankly when he told them he wanted to study agricultural engineering.  But Michael had never told them about the Owens.  He hasn’t even thought about them in years, and he doesn't know what it says about him that he barely thinks about the one good foster family he had, but he can remember every detail of the ones that sucked. 

Michael only lived with them for about six months.  It was before he made his way back to Roswell and found Max and Isobel.  They were an older couple, kids already grown and out of the house, they had one more foster child while Michael was there, a teenage girl he rarely saw.  Michael spent most of his time outside, exploring the small farm and pestering Mr. Owen to let him help with the chores.

It didn’t take long for Michael to realize there was something wrong.  The winter before had been bad, and the last two summers had been hot.  He heard the Owens whispering a lot about crop failures and mortgage payments.  When Michael was out in the fields, he could feel what was wrong and knew what would fix it, he just didn’t know how.  So he stayed silent, and when the bank foreclosed, he was moved to another family.

Michael wonders sometimes if he could have done something.  Realistically no one is going to listen to a ten year old who tells you he can feel what your crops need, but that feeling of helplessness never left him. 

“I guess it doesn’t feel close enough,” Michael admits.  “I know I can do it now, but I need the degree to back me up so people will take me seriously.”

“My poor beautiful, brilliant, alien husband,” Alex laughs. “Stymied by our pitiful human brains.  You could practice on my peppers so they stop dying.”

“Shut up,” Michael shoves at Alex’s shoulder, laughing with him. “You told me not not to interfere with your garden, but now that you still can’t grow a decent pepper, you want my help.”

“I told you no using alien powers to make my plants grow, but if you want to use your shiny new degree to save my peppers, I won’t stop you.  I’m satisfied with your bachelors, you can practice on me all you want until you get your masters.”

“Sacrificing your integrity for my education, I appreciate it,” Micheal teases.  “But you know that’s not what I meant.”

“I know,” Alex takes his hand under the blanket.  “It’s hard to feel like you’re always waiting, that there is something you could be doing if time would just speed up or if you could just skip a few steps.”

Something about the way Alex says that makes Michael pause.  He knows his husband, knows his tells, and there is something else behind Alex’s words, something that has him tensing slightly.  He’s tempted to let it go, to pretend that Alex is only talking about him, but while Michael doesn’t want to push, he knows sometimes Alex needs a little nudge.  “Tell me,” he says softly.

“I’ve been talking to Amber’s mom,” Alex tells him, fingers moving restlessly against Michael’s.

Michael mentally runs through Alex’s students.  “Amber, sophomore, plays the clarinet?”

“Yes.  She made first chair this year.  Her mother sent me a video of their winter concert.  She did a great job, the whole band did, but her mom said she wants to quit next semester.”

“Why?”

“It’s not a good environment.  The director takes band very seriously which is good. They win a lot of competitions, but he pits the kids against each other, comes down hard on any mistakes.  After she told me, I watched the video again, and I could see it.  They were nervous and not the normal performance anxiety, but they were afraid to make mistakes.  No one was smiling.”

“That sucks,” Michael says, not entirely sure where Alex is going with this.

“She said Amber told her she wished I was her band director.”

“Oh.”  Michael thinks he knows what this is leading to, but he needs it to come directly from Alex.  He squeezes Alex’s hand in encouragement.

“I think I want that too.  I mean not for Amber specifically, but I want to be a music teacher.”

“You’ll be amazing,” Michael tells him.  There is so much more he wants to say, he wants to tell Alex how proud he is, how Alex is the strongest person he knows, and how after everything Alex went through, he deserves the easiest life ever, and the fact that he wants more than that is incredible. But he doesn’t want to overwhelm Alex so he’ll leave that for another day.  “We should go inside and celebrate my beautiful, talented human husband,” Michael tells him instead.

Alex smiles and lets Michael pull him into the cabin.

It’s another adjustment, having both of them in school.  Their schedules don’t line up as much as Michael would like, and he struggles being home without Alex.  Michael still gets anxious when he’s not with Alex, still holds on to the irrational fear that Alex will disappear.  Now he can’t always find Alex in the next room over, can’t just call his name.  Michael tries not to let it show, but there’s an itch under his skin when it’s just him and Bumble in the house, and he catches himself pacing when it’s close to the time Alex will return.

Alex starts with a part time schedule, but it’s still difficult to be around so many strangers after years of just Michael and medical professionals.  He’s withdrawn the first few months, craving time to himself when he’s home.

“You okay?” Michael asks him one night when he finds Alex and Pharaoh sitting out back.  He rubs Alex’s shoulders, smiling when Alex leans his head back against him.

“I’m trying to be.  I want this, I really do, but god, I hate people.”  Alex drops his head forward when Michael hits a particularly hard knot.

Michael laughs, and kisses the top of his head.  “I know you do, but I’m not sure how new that is.  Might not be able to blame all of that on the trauma.”

“Probably not,” Alex agrees.  “But it’s exhausting.  Even the nice ones who don’t stare or whisper around me, want to talk and bond, and I just want everyone to leave me alone.”

“I hate to tell you this, but some of that is probably because of Pharaoh, but most of it just because you're hot.  I’m serious,” he adds when Alex snorts.  “If you walked into one of my classes, I would definitely notice.”

“Is this your way of telling me you’ve been checking out all the hot students in your classes?”  Alex asks lightly, no hint of jealousy or concern in his voice.

“Please, you know I only have eyes for you.”  Michael sits next to Alex on the bench, pulling him against his side.  “If it’s too much, you don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t want it to be. I didn’t survive my father just to spend the rest of my life sitting at home.  Being a music teacher isn’t exactly a grand purpose,”

“Hey, don’t do that,” Michael interrupts.  “It’s an important job, one that can make a difference for a lot of kids, and one you’ll be good at.  But even if it wasn't, all that matters is that you find something that does give you purpose if that’s what you want.  When I talked to Clay after he came back, he said you deserved some peace.  And you do, but I know you want more than that.”

“I have peace, with our life, with you and the dogs.  That’s why I can do this.  I just need people to stop being so annoying,”  Alex groans.

“Good luck with that,” Michael laughs.

It gets easier.  They find their balance, and Michael lives for the days Alex comes home excited rather than exhausted.  There are trade-offs, not just less time together, but Alex has to drastically reduce the number of lessons he offers.  Michael loves the field work that comes with his masters program, but hates the times he’s gone before the sun rises and still comes home after dark.

“You realize we’re going to graduate at the same time,” Michael reminds Alex just over a year later when they are going over their advisor meetings after dinner. They each only have a semester left. “Have you thought about what you want?”

“I want to get through student teaching before deciding if I want to work in a school system or go back to just doing lessons,”  Alex tells him.

“I know you’re worried, but you’re going to do great.”

“We don’t know that.  I think I’m prepared, I think I can do it, but I’ve been wrong before,” Alex says with a shrug.

Michael knows Alex is thinking about the same day he is, when Alex had called him to pick him up, and Michael had found him pale and shaking near the football field.  Alex had been taking an elective in Marching Band and ended up dropping the class.  The combination of the noise of the band, the people at his back and the open area has triggered panic attacks.  It had been a difficult reminder for both of them that not every wound can be healed.

“You don’t have to be perfect, Alex,” Michael echoes what he told him at the time.  “What you can do is more than enough.”

“Like you're so good at failing,” Alex rolls his eyes. “How many all nighters did you pull trying to perfect  your project on eliminating food contamination through improvements in irrigation?” 

“You didn’t fail,” Michael tells him, ignoring Alex’s attempts at deflecting.  “You’re going to have students who need accommodations, who can’t do everything.  Are you going to tell them they’ve failed?”

Alex glares at him, but there’s no heat behind it, “You fight dirty.”

“For you, I’ll fight anyway I have to,” Michael reminds him.  “But to get back to my original question, assuming you are as fabulous at student teaching as I know you will be, what’s next?”

“I think that’s more of a question for you than me.  We’ll need to move somewhere that has enough agriculture to support your career.  The rest we can figure out.”

Michael hadn’t really thought of it like that.  Unless he wanted to go into pure research, and he didn’t, staying in Tucson wasn’t an option.  He didn’t like the idea of disrupting their lives again, but he thinks they are strong enough to handle it.  “I’d like to stay in the Southwest.”

“Anywhere but Roswell is fine with me,”  Alex shrugs.

Michael starts researching agricultural communities in the Southwest, narrowing it down to a list of places in Arizona, New Mexico and Nevada when Alex is offered a job.  Alex is almost finished with his student teaching, and the experience has done nothing but confirm he is on the right path.  Since no decision had been made on where they might be moving, unlike most of his classmates, Alex wasn’t actively looking for a job.  But one of his professors approached him with a posting she thought would be perfect for him.

Bristol, Arizona is a small farming community outside Yuma.  The music teacher had retired two years ago, and they had been unable to find a replacement.  According to his professor no one had even interviewed for the position in the last year.  

“I’m not sure I want a job just because they are desperate,” Alex tells Michael just before his first, online, interview.

“If it’s not a good fit, don’t do it,” Michael shrugs.  “But maybe think of it less as them being desperate and more of somewhere you are really needed.”

“We’ll see,” Alex says skeptically.

Michael waits nervously outside with Bumble during Alex’s interview.  When Alex joins him almost an hour later, he seems more relaxed.  “How did it go?”  he asks.

“Good, I think,”  Alex tells him.  “It was the superintendent, principal and a few board members.  They were friendly.”

“Yeah,” Michael prompts.

“They didn’t seem concerned about Pharaoh, and when I explained that I wasn’t willing to direct a marching band, they said they haven’t had one since low enrollment shut down the football program over ten years ago.  Got a few surprised looks when I mentioned my husband, but no one seems upset,” Alex recounts the highlights of his interview.

“That all sounds positive,” Michael says cautiously, “but what did you think?”

“All the schools are connected so that would mean no traveling between campuses which I like.  Maybe they just made a good first impression, but their philosophy seems to be very student centered.  It could be good.  Farming is the main source of income, but I’m not sure what actual job opportunities you’ll have.”

“I can also consult.”  Michael’s not concerned.  They may have been focusing on his career, but if Alex can find a school he wants to teach at, Michael will adapt.

“They may not even be interested.” Alex tells him.

A few weeks later, they visit Bristol for an in person interview.  Michael knows it’s a formality; if Alex wants the job, it’s his.  The request for a second interview had come with a list of real estate listings, and Michael checks some of them out while Alex is at the school.  He eliminates the ones in Yuma, that is where they are staying since Bristol doesn’t have any hotels or rentals, and the drive is over an hour.

Alex walks out of the interview smiling, and they leave Bristol with a signed contract for Alex and an accepted offer on a vacant family farm.  Michael fell in love with the property the minute he saw it, and Alex approved as well.  It reminds Michael of the Owens’s farm - a large sprawling ranch house, three outbuildings and enough land for him to experiment with crops, but not enough to appeal to anyone interested in commercial farming.

The house needs a lot of remodeling - general updating in addition to accessibility modifications.  Luckily the realtor is able to recommend some local contractors, and Michael drives down every other weekend to check on the progress.  It is a busy time - preparing to move while both of them are finishing up their final classes and projects.

In the midst of all of this they celebrate their fifth anniversary.  They don’t have time for a big celebration - settling for a nice dinner and a soak in the tub.  

“I can’t believe it’s been five years,” Alex whispers as they start to drift off.

“Best five years of my life,” Michael reminds him, like he does every anniversary.  He means it more than he can ever make Alex understand.  He tries not to think about what his life would be liked if Alex hadn’t come back to him.  Michael can’t imagine another five years of grief and hopelessness, luckily he doesn’t have to.

“Mine too,” Alex agrees, pulling Michael closer and settling in for sleep.

Michael and Alex graduate the same week.  Although both of them choose to skip their ceremonies, Max, Isobel, Maria and Clay all come out to celebrate.  Michael watches Maria and Alex fight over the playlist and heads outside for a bit of fresh air when Clay follows him out.

“Flint sends his congratulations,”  Clay tells him.

“Flint can go fuck himself,” Michael replies, but there is no heat behind it.  Flint is complicated.  Michael owes him Alex ; he has Flint’s memory, he knows exactly how easy it would have been for Flint to leave Alex behind.  And he didn’t.  Michael will always be grateful for that, but it doesn’t erase all the harm he did.

Alex is equally conflicted.  He’s talked to Flint a few times, first to thank him and a few times to respond to messages Flint sent asking about Alex.  But Alex hasn’t pushed for more.  Michael would never deny Alex a relationship with Flint if he wanted one, but he’s relieved to not have to deal with him.

They get most of their updates on Flint from Clay who brought him into Deep Sky, but not on projects related to aliens.  He understands Clay’s urge to help Flint; he and Alex want that for him, understanding Jesse manipulated him in ways he couldn’t with Alex, they just don’t want to be involved.  Clay seems to be good with strays - xenophobic brothers and high school bullies turned doctors.  Michael wonders if Clay would have eventually approached him if Alex had really died, if he would have tried to give Michael a purpose.  Which brings him to something he’s been wanting to discuss.

“I got a job offer last week,” he tells Clay as he hands him a beer.

“Congratulations,”  Clay tips the beer in a salute.

“One of the county agricultural organizations got a new grant and needed a field supervisor for an irrigation study.  Lines up almost perfectly with my Master’s project,” Michael explains.

“Sounds like a good fit for you,” Clay replies.

“How much did you have to do with it?  My job, Alex’s job, the house - how much of that was you?”  Michael asks.  He’d thought about just leaving it–Clay's answer won’t change anything.  Bristol is too perfect for Alex for Michael to back out, but he needs to know how much of their life has been arranged for them.

“Surprisingly, I had nothing to do with this,” Clay tells him with a chuckle.  “Not that I didn’t have plans in place should the need arise, but you and Alex found Bristol all on your own.”

“You sure about that?”  Michael presses.

“I am, but I can’t promise I won’t make sure your grant funding is renewed.”

Michael huffs out a laugh. “I guess I can live with that.”

“Just remember, anything you need, anything,” Clay emphasizes, “you just need to ask.  You and Alex are building a wonderful life together, and I don’t want anything to derail that.  You can continue your therapy with Judith remotely unless you feel you need in-person.”

“No, remote is fine.”  They only have therapy once a month, and Michael has no desire to uproot Judith again.

“Alex’s physical therapist has already agreed to relocate to Yuma, and anything else Bristol or Yuma lacks will be brought to you.  That includes transportation for your family whenever requested.”

“Private planes are horrible for the environment,” Michael argues.

“I”ll be sure to pass your concerns on to Director Ramos,” Clay says clearly amused.  “But don’t let that stop you from asking for anything you need.”

“Trying to get me to put in a good word with Isobel?”  Michael asks, noticing how Clay’s attention focuses on her when he mentions family.

“I’ve got that covered, but thank you,”  Clay smirks.

“God save us all,” Michael mutters before walking off to find Alex and see what he knows about Clay and Isobel’s relationship.

They are scheduled to move in two weeks before the school year starts, and Michael is more than happy to accept Clay’s help with the process.  Michael and Alex take both dogs to a private lake house Deep Sky owns, and after a weeks away, they drive straight to Bristol and a fully set up house.

“I feel like we’ve done this before,” Michael jokes when they walk through the house.

“This one is really ours,” Alex tells him, pointing out the pictures on the walls and the basket of dog toys in the living room.  “I don’t even really remember that much about our first year in Tucson, but this feels different.”

Michael nods.  He tries not to think about how hard that first year had been for Alex.  They moved only a few weeks after he escaped, and he had to recover physically and emotionally.  No wonder it was all a blur.  And Tucson was always going to be temporary.  When he looked around this house, he saw their future.  He pulled Alex in for a hug.  “I think we’re finally home.”

“You know what I do remember?”  Alex pulls back enough to cup Michael’s cheek before pressing their foreheads together.  “You.  You were always there, loving me and keeping me sane so home is wherever you are.  But this one feels like us.”

With the stress of moving behind them, they focus on their new jobs.  Michael spends his first month in the office, familiarizing himself with the grant parameters and baseline date.  He takes Alex’s first day of school off - regretting it when he spends most of it pacing the house with Bumble waiting for him to come home.  One of the accommodations the school made for Alex was condensing his schedule so he comes in later and leaves earlier allowing him to avoid the most hectic parts of the day.  

Michael pounces when he gets home, “How was it?”

“Good,” Alex smiles though he looks tired.  “I haven’t even met all my students yet, but the staff was very welcoming. I think most people, including the kids, are more interested in Pharaoh than me, but they’ve respected her boundaries. Long day though.”

Michael searches his face, looking for any signs of distress, but doesn’t see anything beyond tiredness to worry about.  Pharaoh is also relaxed which calms his nerves.  “Easy night tonight then.  Maybe a bath after dinner,”  Michael suggests.

“Sounds perfect,” Alex agrees.

While Alex settles in at school - learning a whole district’s worth of kids and teaching all day without the safety net of a cooperating teacher - Michael begins his fieldwork.  Bristol is a welcoming place.  They have a freezer full of casseroles and endless dinner invitations to prove it, but there is a difference between welcoming someone to a community and letting someone insert themselves into your livelihood.  

Michael’s supervisor warns him it might be difficult at first.  “No one likes to be judged,” he cautions Michael. “Especially by an outsider, but stick with it and you’ll earn their trust.”

He takes the advice to heart, and tries not to mind when he’s met with more skepticism than collaboration.  When he arrives at Dale Carson's farm in early October,he remembers his supervisor’s other piece of advice.  “Things will go a lot smoother if you get one of the more influential farmers on board. Not necessarily the ones with the biggest farms, but the ones most involved with the community.”

Michael’s territory is pretty broad, and Carson’s farm is one of the first ones he’s visited that is actually located in Bristol.  He knows Dale is a 4H advisor and the fire chief.  His wife runs the PTA, and both of their parents are involved in almost anything that happens in Bristol.  Michael is hoping to make a good impression.

Dale is cautious but friendly, making small talk as they head out to the fields.  Michael has Bumble with him.  Dogs are common on farms, and Bumble is a good ice breaker.  He stays close by, and if he wants to roam, Michael can set a perimeter with his powers to keep him nearby.  

“So I hear you bought the old Parkinson place,” Dale says as Michael collects the first soil sample.  “My brother-in-law is a contractor, got a lot of good work out of the upgrades.  Had to do a hell of a refresher on ADA guidelines, also mentioned installing a pretty sophisticated security system too.”

Michael takes a breath and waits a moment before standing up and answering.  Dale’s tone is casual, but Michael knows there is more than curiosity behind his comments.  People are curious about him and Alex, he knows that, but most are too polite to ask.  Even Dale is giving him and out, discussing his questions behind general conversation.  But he and Alex have talked about it, and while they don’t owe anyone an explanation, they aren’t hiding anything about themselves either - within reason of course.

“Alex, my husband, is a vet.  He was injured overseas and was a POW for a few years.  HIs safety and comfort are the priority.”  Michael doesn’t elaborate, assuming Dale will fill in the blanks.

“He’s the new music teacher, the one with the dog?”

“Umm hmm,” Michael agrees.  “Pharaoh is his service dog, unlike Bumble,” Michael points to where Bumble is running in circles chasing a bird, “who is just an idiot.”

Dale laughs.  “My daughter can’t stop talking about him.  She was so excited to start band, and then the last teacher retired so she’s been feeling cheated.  Now she spends half the night practicing her saxophone and all we hear about is Mr. Guerin.  Between you and me, I think she has a bit of a crush, but she’s twelve so it’s harmless.”

“It’s ok, I have a crush on him too,” Michael laughs.  “Alex really likes the school, tells me all the time how great the kids are.” Michael smiles like he always does when talking about Alex.

“How are you two setting in?”

“We’re getting there.  Everyone has been real friendly, but it’s a lot to adjust to.  A little overwhelming,” Michael admits.

“I bet.  I’ll tell Amy to have the moms back off, give you some breathing room,” Dale smiles.  “We haven’t had anyone new in town since Pastor Jack took over the First Federated five years ago.  If you’re looking for a church, he’s a good guy.  Flies one of those rainbow flags every June.  I’d stay away from Reverend Stamp at Old North.  He’s been preaching since my parents were in diapers and is still pissed women can wear pants.” 

“We’ll keep that in mind.”  Michael knows they have no intention of looking for a church, but it’s good information to have.

“Pastor Jack runs the food pantry and started a school supply drive with the PTA this year.  When you run out of casseroles, you can’t go wrong with the diner on Park Street, same family’s been running it for three generations.  Pizza place isn’t bad, but anything other than pizza is probably frozen,”  Dale continues.  “The VFW has a fish dry every other friday.  Food’s great, but it gets a little crowded, old timers hanging out for hours.  But they’ve been doing carry out since COVID.  Fire department is volunteer.  We train every Monday night, and are always looking for help.”

“Appreciate the tips,” Michael tells him genuinely.  He leaves a little later feeling like he’s made good progress in more than just his job.

“What do you think about me joining the fire department?”  Michael asks Alex later that night.

“Sexy,” is Alex’s first reaction.  

“I’m serious,” Michael rolls his eyes.

“So am I,” Alex tells him.  “It helps knowing you are basically fire proof, but just remember, you’re there to put fires out not start them.”

“I only start fires for you,” Michael teases.

Alex pulls him toward the bedroom, heat in his eyes, “Show me.”

Their first year in Bristol passes in a blur.  Michael does join the fire department which goes a long way to establishing him in the community.  Alex starts offering lessons again, and somehow becomes the darling of the PTA.  He survives his first round of winter and spring concerts followed by graduation.  Michael learns the cycle of seasonal farming.  Their family visits in various combinations - Michael still doesn’t know how he feels about Clay and Isobel coming together, but Alex just laughs and tells him not to bother with a second guest room.  In July they dust off the airstream - remodeled with a bigger bed and an accessible shower - and spend two weeks traveling.

Their last stop is a small mountain town in California.  They spent the day exploring the town, and buying locally made candles, jams and to Bumble and Pharaoh’s delight, dog treats.  The night is beautiful and clear, so Michael sets up the fire pit at their campsite.

“It’s a lot easier now that you can start the fire yourself,” Alex teases when Michael flicks a burst of flame to ignite the wood.

“At least we know it won’t go out,” Michael shrugs.

Once the smores are finished and the dogs have wandered back into the airstream to sleep, Michael turns to Alex, “Are you happy?”

Alex looks startled by the question, and answers with a question of his own, “Do you mean right now or in general?”

“Both, I guess,” Michael shrugs.

“The answer is yes either way.”  Alex reaches over and takes Michael’s hand.  “Today has been a great day, and tonight is perfect - you and the stars, just like it has always been meant to be.”

“Romantic,” Michael teases, bringing Alex’s hand up for a kiss.

“Only with you,” Alex reminds him.  “And yes, I am happy with my life, with our life.  I love what I am doing, I think we are in the right place.  I don’t worry any more about what might have been or what I thought our life would have been like.  Obviously I wish I hadn’t lost my leg, that we hadn’t spent those years apart, but I am glad we ended up where we are.”

“I feel the same way,” Michael agrees, glad Alex could articulate something he’d felt for a while.  Their life wasn’t a consolation or replacement for what they wanted.  Regardless of the pain they went through to get here, they had a good life.  “I never thought I would say this, but I am really lucky.”

“Me too,” Alex tells him with a smile.  “And I think it's just going to get better.”

Refreshed from their vacation, their routines resume smoothly when a month into the new school year, things start to change.

“I’m worried about one of my students,” Alex tells Michael.  “One of my second graders, Miya.  She’s great in class with me, but Pharaoh spends a lot of time near her.”  As Alex had become more comfortable teaching and in the school, Pharaoh started walking around the classroom visiting students.   They noticed she spent the most time with students who were struggling - whether it was temporary like worrying about a test or more serious like a family illness.

“Do you know why?”  Michael asks.

“I talked to her classroom teacher.  She said Miya’s been withdrawn and uncooperative which is not what I see.  I thought she was new, but I guess she was here for kindergarten then at a different school last year.  She didn’t know much, just that Miya and her brother are in foster care.”

“That’s tough,” Michael sympathizes. He really hopes they have it better than he did.  “What’s her brother like?”

“His name’s Blake, but he’s in kindergarten so I don’t have him in class yet.  Laurel, Miya’s teacher, says he’s been having problems too.  He has some delays and a lot of attention problems.  She gave me the number for their case worker.”  

Michael knows Alex, and there is no way he’s leaving this alone.  “Let me know what you find out.”

A few days later, Alex has an update. “I talked with Meagan, Miya’s caseworker,” he says with a sigh.

“Yeah?

“She told me Miya and Blake have been in and out of foster care since Blake was a baby.  Their parents are pretty young, and live out in the trailer park east of town.”

Michael winces.  No place is perfect, and Bristol has its rougher areas.  Michael’s been out to the trailer park a few times for  fire calls, and it’s pretty run down.  He also knows most of Bristol’s violent crime happens there.

“Dad’s a small-time drug dealer and has a violent temper.  She said their mother tries, but she has an addiction problem.  Typically dad goes to jail and mom gets clean then he gets out and the cycle starts again.”

“There’s no family that can help out?”  Michael thinks foster care should be the last resort.

“No, dad’s only family was a grandmother who left them the trailer but she died years ago.  Their mom’s from Indiana and she grew up in the system too,” Alex explains.

“Damn.”

“It gets worse,” Alex takes a deep breath.  “Their mom, Jennie, got pregnant last year and left the father.  Social services was able to help her with housing but it was in Yuma, that’s why Miya was at a different school last year.  She stayed clean the whole pregnancy and Miya was excited about being a big sister and helping with the baby.  Darren, the father, showed up a few months after the baby was born and promised he’d changed and things would be different.  They weren’t, but foster care in Bristol is pretty limited so the baby is in a different home than Miya and Blake.”

“Those poor kids,” Michael lets out a low whistle.  As much as it killed him to be separated from Max and Isobel, at least he knew they had a family.  He would have gone crazy knowing they were in a different foster home where he couldn’t protect them.

“Miya’s taken it especially hard,” Alex agrees.  “Meagan said both families are great, and the kids are well cared for, but it’s not the same as being together.”

“I wish there was something we could do.”

“Me too.  Since Miya does so well in my class, Meagan’s going to bring her for a lesson Saturday.  She’s a little young, but we’re hoping it will be a good distraction,” Alex tells him.

Michael’s looking forward to meeting Miya on Saturday.  Alex talks about his students all the time, but he’s never been so invested.  He knows the similarities to his own childhood are part of what is drawing Alex to her, and he feels his own connection to her story.

Miya hangs back when Michael opens the door.  She has long dark hair and bright blue eyes, and there is a younger boy with her that shares her coloring but is almost as tall as he is and very thin.  “I hope you don’t mind, but I brought Blake along,” the woman Michael assumes is Meagan explains.

“Not at all,” Alex answers from behind him.

“Hi Mr. Guerin,” Meagan gives him a shy smile.  “This is my brother Blake.  Blake, this is Mr. Guerin, he’s my favorite teacher.”

Before anyone can say anything else, Blake spots Pharaoh and darts forward.  Miya grabs him by the arm.  “No,” she tells him sharply.  “Pharaoh’s working.  You can only pet her if Mr. Guerin says so.”

“Thanks for remembering,” Alex tells her softly.  “Let’s all come inside.”

Once they make it to Alex’s studio, Michael whistles for Bumble.  Michael watches Blake’s eyes widen when he sees him, but he holds himself back, mindful of Miya watching him.

“This is Bumble,” he tells the kids.  “He’s a pet so you can pet him if you want.  He’s very gentle, but sometimes he likes to give kisses.”

They both giggle when Bumble licks their faces.  With Blake sufficiently distracted by Bumble, Alex starts showing Miya some of the instruments she can try.  Once Bumble settles down, Blake loses interest and he wanders over to the piano.  “Can I play this?” he asks, hopping up onto the bench.

“Sure,” Alex guides Miya over that way.  “Come on, Miya, we can all play together.”

“Thank you,” Michael tells Meagan as they watch the kids. He likes Meagan already.  Michael estimates her to be in her forties and she gives him the impression she’s both warm and down to earth.  “I had a lot of caseworkers over the years and none of them were taking me to music lessons on a Saturday.”

“You’re a system kid?”  she asks, surprised, before looking over to Alex after Michael nods.  “Him too?”

“No, but with the father he had he might have been better off.  And considering the foster families I had, that’s saying a lot.”

“They have it better,” she gestures to Miya and Blake.  “They’re with good families, I promise that.  I’d like to say the whole system is better, but I’m not that naive.  It’s different here, we don't have the resources bigger counties and cities do.  I’m all of social services for Bristol - kids, adults, you name it, it’s me.  But we have people, people who care, and that helps.”

“If there is anything we can do to help,” Michael begins, but pauses when he sees a glint in her eye.  “Not foster care.  Emotionally neither of us could handle the uncertainty.”

“I understand,”  she concedes.

“But, we have connections and resources,” he continues.  “If there are grants you need or programs you want to start, let us know and we’ll see if we can help.”  Michael hopes she believes him.  Even though they have money, he and Alex know they can’t just fix everyone’s problems, but if there are ways they can help they want to.

“I’m sure you’ll be hearing from me again,” Meagan eyes him curiously.  “But in the meantime, I need to get these two back.”

Meagan brings them back every Saturday.  It becomes obvious after a few weeks, that while Miya loves coming, she’s not really interested in music.  She’s happy to practice her songs from school or even color with Michael.  Blake, on the other hand, loves the piano.  He gives Alex his full attention through the lesson, amazing Meagan.

“I’ve never seen him stay focused for so long,” she marvels during their third lesson.  

“Alex says he’s a natural,” Michael tells her.

“This has been so good for him, for both of them,” Meagan thanks him.

Right after Halloween, the kids miss two lessons in a row.  “What’s going on?”  Michael asks the second week.

“The kids are back with their mom,” Alex tells them.

“That’s great,” Michael says, relieved nothing is wrong.

“I sent a few notes home with Miya about lessons, but didn’t get a response.  Meagan talked to her, and she says they’ll be here next week.”

The first thing Michael notices when the kids show up the next Saturday is how young their mother is.  He knows Miya will be eight in January, and Jennie barely looks like she’s in her twenties.  She has Blake by one hand and a baby balanced on her hip.

“Is this the place for music lessons?”  she asks when Alex opens the door.

“Mom, I told you this was the right place,” Miya says, exasperated in the way only children can be.  She points at Alex, “That’s Mr. Guerin, he’s my music teacher.  You can’t pet his dog Pharaoh because she’s a service dog, and she has to concentrate.  That’s Mr. Guerin’s husband and you can pet his dog Bumble because he’s not smart enough to work.”

“Thanks, Miya, for the introductions.  You must be Jennie,” Alex smiles and holds out his hand, but Jennie just tightens her hold on Blake.  “Come on in.  Blake, you can start with scales, ok.”

Blake runs right in, but Miya hesitates, hanging back with her mother.  “I can’t pay,” Jennie tells them plainly.

“Don’t worry,” Alex reassures her.  “The county has it covered.”  That’s not exactly true, but Alex didn’t want to risk offending her by offering the lessons for free.

“Go on then,” Jennie nudges Miya forward.  “I’ll be back in an hour, right.”

“Sure,” Michael nods.  “But you’re welcome to stay.  I know Blake would love to play for you.”

“No,” Jennie shakes her head nervously.  “I’ve got to run to the store, but maybe next time.”

Jennie leaves the next week too before finally giving in to Blake’s pleading and staying the following week.  She sits attentively, bouncing the baby while listening to him play.  “Great job, sweetie,” she praises him when he finishes the two songs he knows.  

She turns to Michael once Alex starts the next part of the lesson.  “Is there somewhere I can smoke?”

“Sure,” Michael leads her to the back yard and reaches for the baby, “I can take. . .”

“Callie,” Jennie tells him, handing her over before lighting a cigarette.  

“Hi, Callie,” Michael greets her.  She smiles and his heart melts.  She has big blue eyes just like Miya and Blake, but when she tugs her hat off, Michael sees she has wispy red hair.  “Aren’t you a pretty girl,” he coos, securing her hat again.

“Thanks,” Jennie smiles at Callie.  “She’s an easy baby, not like Blake.  He was either crying or getting into something.  I think today is the longest I’ve ever seen him sit still.”

“He’s a good kid, and Alex says he’s a natural on the piano,” Michael tells her.  “I was like him as a kid. Also looking for something to do, getting in trouble.”

“His dad was like that, or least that’s what I heard,” Jennie shrugs.  “I was more like Miya, super quiet, hoping no one would notice me.”

Michael nods, he knows that’s pretty common with kids who grew up in foster care.  If you don’t want to be labeled a problem like Michael was, you do everything you can to fly under the radar.  But he doesn’t tell Jennie that since it’s up to her to share her story.

“At least until I got to high school, then I wanted everyone to notice me.  Started dying my hair,” she points to her hair which is white blonde with fading pink streaks.  “I had a ton of piercings too, but I took most of them out when Miya was a baby because she kept pulling at them.”  She finishes her cigarette and grinds the butt out in the grass.  “Guess I should head back in.”

Jennie starts staying most weeks.  She stays inside for the first part of the lesson, letting the kids show off before heading out back to smoke.  Michael goes with her, playing with Callie and keeping her company.  Michael likes Jennie, she’s funny and opinionated, happy to talk to Michael about anything that comes to mind. She loves her kids, but Michael knows she struggles as a single mom.  He wishes they could help - all Alex’s students are great, but Miya and Blake are a little special - but Jennie resists even the smallest offers.

Alex and Michael decide to host Thanksgiving.  Clay and Isobel come out for the week, and Maria and Max drive out together on Wednesday.  Michael and Maria do most of the cooking except for the turkey, which Max insists on deep frying even though Michael warns him he’ll get kicked out of the fire department if he has to call them out on Thanksgiving.  Dessert comes from one of the school fundraisers Alex always overbuys from.

After dinner - fire free, as Max reminds them - they split up. Michael ends up  in the kitchen with Isobel, packing up leftovers and grilling her about Clay.  

“Stop it,” Isobel finally tells him.  “If I wanted the third degree about my boyfriend, I would have stayed at Mom and Dad’s.”

“So you’re calling him your boyfriend now?” Michael taunts her.

Isobel rolls her eyes. “I moved in with him a year ago, which you know, so don’t act so surprised.” 

“I know,” Michael relents.  “I just need to fulfill my brotherly duty to make sure he is treating you right.”

“He does,” Isobel smiles softly.  “You were right, being with someone who knows is so much better.  It’s not quite the same; he already knew, so I wasn’t risking anything by choosing to tell him. But I can be myself with him all the time, and I know he loves me just as I am.  You were also right about the sex, it’s phenomenal.”

 Michael makes a face.  “I regret ever saying that to you.  We should know nothing about each other’s sex lives.”

“You’re no fun, and your husband won’t kiss and tell either.” Isobel pretends to pout.

“Leave Alex out of this.” Michael pretends to threaten her with a spatula.

“It’s not like I have a choice since he can block me from his mind.  Neat trick, by the way. I was pretty impressed when he showed me,” Isobel says.

“How do you know that,” Michael’s blood runs cold.  He can’t imagine Isobel hurting Alex, but why was she trying to get into his mind?  “Iz, what did you do?”

“Nothing, I promise,”  Isobel holds up her hand.  “Back when you had me on Alex-watching duty, I was trying to get blackmail material from him and joked about looking for it myself.  I never would,” she reassures him again.  “But he told me to try, and imagine my surprise when he could completely keep me out.  When did you teach him that?”

“I didn’t really teach him.  It started as a game we played - he would try to hide specific memories from me or I’d ask a question and he’d try to block the answer.  But Alex is crazy competitive so he figured out how to keep me out all together,” Michael smiled at the memory.

“Probably saved his life,” Isobel speculates.

“What do you mean?”

“Look, this is probably something you should talk to Clay about or Alex should talk to Clay about,” Isobel looks uncomfortable.  “Clay feels guilty–or responsible, I guess, for what happened to Alex.  He thinks he should have known what really happened and been able to save him.  It still really haunts him.”

“Jesse Manes is the only one responsible for what happened,” Michael bites out.  “Alex doesn’t blame Clay.”

“He knows that, but feeling it is different.  We both know how guilt can mess you,” Isobel says sadly.  “It doesn’t help that Clay has a pretty good idea of what happened with Alex.  Not specifics because those records were destroyed, but he knows enough about what went on there to be surprised Alex survived as long as he did.  The fact that Jesse’s experiments didn’t kill him or destroy his mind is probably due to him knowing how to protect himself.”

Michael never thought of that.  Alex doesn’t talk in detail about what happened in Caulfield, and what he has told Michael is enough to give him nightmares for life.  He knows it could have been so much worse, but being reminded of that leaves him feeling a little lost.  “I think I’m going to go find Alex,” he tells Isobel, accepting her hug before leaving the kitchen.

He finds Alex on the back deck with Maria.  Alex is sitting at the top of the stairs and Maria is stretched out on the deck, her head resting in Alex’s lap.  There is a faint glow over Alex’s shoulder, and Michael can faintly smell pot in the air.  Michael watches them for a moment, their easy interaction and Alex’s relaxed posture easing his heart.  Alex is safe, he reminds himself, he’s safe and loved.

“Are you corrupting my husband?”  Michael teases, knowing the joint is probably Alex’s.  Marijuana doesn’t mess with his meds like alcohol does so he keeps some on hand for bad days.

“We’ll share if you don’t tell,” Maria holds the joint up where he can see it.

“I’m good,” Michael shakes his head, pot has never had any effect on him.  He sits down behind Alex, and pulls him against his chest.  “You alright?” he asks, kissing the curve of his shoulder, making sure the day had been too much for Alex.

“Mmm hmm,” Alex hums. “Just relaxing.”

“Ok,” Michael kisses him again before settling with his head tucked against Alex’s neck.

“You two are so cute it’s disgusting,” Maria sighs and hands the joint back to Alex.

“If you stopped dating losers named Chad, you could be this cute with someone too,”  Alex teases her.  He takes a long drag of the joint before passing to Maria. “I’m done, the rest is yours.”

“That was almost ten years ago,” Maria laughs and smacks him on the thigh.  “Not everyone meets the love of their life in high school.”

“Just lucky, I guess,” Alex shrugs.

Michael tightens his arms around Alex and snuggles even closer.  There is something about hearing Alex casually call himself lucky after everything he’s been through that calms the part of Michael that is always worried, always alert for old hurts waiting to surface.  

“It’s not like I’d have time to date even if I wanted to,” Maria complains, taking a final drag of the joint before putting it out.

“How is Mimi doing?” Alex asks.

“Not great.  She’s safe, which is a relief, but she’s just lost.”  Maria starts to get up, but Alex strokes her hair, and she relaxes back into his lap.  “Sometimes she thinks I’m in high school, sometimes she thinks I’m my Grandma Patty.  Liz was in town over the summer, and she kept calling her Rosa.  It was horrible.”  

“I’m sorry, I wish we could help,” Alex sympathizes.  

“It is what it is,” Maria says, resigned.  “They tell me not to argue with her, just be with her where she is.  It’s hard, but the only good thing is I don’t have to remind her that you died.  When she asks about you, I can tell her the truth and pretend I am just humoring her.  We had our dinner on Sunday, and she wanted to know if Alex’s husband was as hot as Will Smith.”

Michael lets out a surprised laugh, “What did you tell her.”

“I said you were no Will Smith, but you weren’t bad.”  Maria giggles when Alex pokes her.  “I also told her you love Alex the way he deserves to be loved.”

“I knew you loved me, DeLuca,” Michael says smugly.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Maria rolls her eyes.  “Oh, Alex, Mom had a message for you.  She’s told me the last few times we talked about you.  She said to tell you you will be ready when you are needed and to remember love can follow grief.”

“Ok?”  Alex draws the work out, clearly confused.

Michael shivers, remembering Mimi looking him in the eye and saying ‘your grief is misplaced.’  He’s about to ask Maria for more, when Isobel calls them in for dessert and the moment is lost.

Shortly after Miya’s birthday in January, Jennie relapses and the kids spend the next few months in foster care.  “You must think I’m a terrible mother,” she says to Michael the first time she’s back to bring the kids to their lesson.

“I don’t,” he tells her gently.  “I think you were having a hard time and needed some help. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Right,” Jennie snorts.  She’s been standing with her arms crossed, facing away from Michael.  She lights a cigarette and sighs.  “Callie started walking while she was away from me.  What kind of mother misses her baby’s first steps.”

Michael winces.  They don’t see Callie when she’s in foster care, and Michael had been delighted to see her walking - she was toddling after Bumble now, laughing and stumbling, while he and Jennie talked.  But he hadn’t considered what the timing meant for Jennie.

“It’s my fault,” Jennie continues before Michael can figure out what to say.  “I promised myself I’d give my kids a better life than I did, and here they are in the system just like me.  I’m supposed to be the one taking care of them, not some strangers.”

“I bet that must be hard,” Michael tells her.  “I grew up in the system too, and if your experience was anything like mine, you must be terrified when they are away from you.  But your kids are luckier than we were.  Have you met the families taking care of them?” Jennie nods, wiping her eyes and lighting another cigarette.  “Then you know they are good people who care about your kids.  Miya, Blake and Callie have a mother who loves them, and a safe place to go when you need some time.”

“Maybe,” Jennie shrugs and digs her foot into the grass.  “When I get them back, I always swear it won’t happen again.  Then Darren shows up, and it’s not like I’m stupid, I know he’s not a good person.  But he’s the first person who ever loved me.”

“He won’t be the only one,” Michael tells her, his heart breaking.

“Yeah, right.” Jennie shakes her head, resigned and Michael remembers all over again just how young she is. “Three kids, no education, no job, no one else is gonna want me.  He’s their father, that’s got to count for something.”

‘You count for something,’ he wants to tell her, but she’s already walking back into the house.

Jennie avoids him after that, either running errands during the kids’ lessons or staying in the house the whole time.  She’ll leave Callie with him sometimes or let him take her outside when she gets restless, but Jennie never follows.  Michael doesn’t get a chance to talk to her again until the spring concert.  He plays with Callie and keeps an eye on Blake - who was distracted by his tablet but shifted and wiggled so much in his chair he ends up on the floor in front of Michael -so Jennie can take pictures during Miya’s performance.

“Are you looking forward to summer?” he asks Jennie during intermission.

“No school!” Blake cheers from the floor before Jennie can answer.

“I don’t know,” Jennie shrugs, biting her fingernail.  “It’s a lot having all three of them home every day.  And Miya’s always watching me, just waiting for me to screw up again.”

“Eight year olds are so judgemental,” Michael tries to joke, but it feels wrong.  He and Alex have both noticed Miya has been more withdrawn lately.  “We can always watch the kids if you need to get something done or want some time to yourself,” he offers.

Jennie immediately shakes her head.  “I’ll figure it out.  If Miya’s old enough to watch me like a hawk, she can keep an eye on the other two.”

“Jennie,” Michael starts but then bites his lip.  He doesn’t want to push so hard he drives her away.

“I don’t mean I’d leave her alone with them or anything,” she says defensively.  “She just likes pretending to be a little mom, she likes to help.  We’re going to have a good summer,” Jennie nods, switching her tone.  “I’m going to take them on vacation, maybe in August.  It’s going to be great.”

The concert starts up before he can say anything else, and Jennie leaves with the kids as soon as it is over.  Jennie pulls away even more after that, missing lessons once school is out. By the time Alex and Michael leave on their vacation in July, they haven’t seen Jennie or the kids in three weeks.

“I’m worried about Jennie,” Michael tells Alex one afternoon while they are breaking for lunch during a light lakeside hike. It’s an echo of the first conversation they had about Miya almost a year ago.

“I am, too,” Alex admits, stroking Pharoah’s head which is resting on his thigh while she sleeps.  Both dogs were napping after being fed and given water.  “Blake’s been struggling to focus again, and Miya’s barely talking. I don’t think things are going well at home.”

“I want to help, but I also know there’s nothing we can do unless she’s ready.  It’s just so hard to watch her struggle, to watch the kids struggle, because I know she’s trying.  She loves them, and she’s a good person, she’s just lost.”  Michael sees so much of himself in Jennie - her anger and defiance, her rejection of anything that might be perceived as pity.  He could have ended up just like Jennie if it wasn’t for Max and Isobel, for Alex and Sanders. He wants to be one of those people for Jennie, but she won’t let him.

“I know.”  Alex reaches over and rubs his shoulder comfortingly.  “All we can do is keep offering support and hope someday she takes it. And keep being there for the kids.”

“It’s not enough,” Michael argues.

“It has to be, because we can’t force our help on her.  I know how much you care, Michael, but Jennie isn’t you.”

Michael sighs, hating how perceptive Alex can be.  

“That’s not a judgement on either of you,” Alex continues.  “You had support she never did and a direction Jennie hasn’t found yet.  Whatever happens with her, it's not on you.”

“Stop being logical,”  Michael groans.  Alex is right, and more importantly there is nothing he can do about any of it right now, so he turns his attention back to his husband. He takes a deep breath and forces his worries to the side.  There is nothing he can do right now, but he can enjoy the day with Alex.

When he got Alex back seven years ago, after three horrible years of thinking he was dead, he promised he would never take him for granted.  Sometimes he gets so caught up in life he forgets how lucky he is. Michael won’t let that happen today. They are in a lovely shaded spot with a view of the water and no plans for the rest of the day other than being together.

 “I love you, you know.” He leans against Alex and gently presses until they are laying back on the blanket.  

“Tired?”  Alex asks, laughing as Pharaoh grumbles and moves off him to lay with Bumble.

“Nope,” Michael turns on his side and pulls Alex closer.  “Just thought we’d enjoy our privacy before we head back.”  

“Genius,” Alex teases gently just before their lips meet.

Michael tries not to feel guilty when Meagan brings Blake and Miya for their first lesson after he and Alex get back from vacation.  Meagan just purses her lips and shakes her head when Michael asks about Jennie, but she heads out to the deck and Michael follows.

“Jennie’s my client too, you know.  I thought we made real progress last year, and my goal is always to keep those kids with their mother, but I just don’t know what she’s thinking this time,” Meagan sighs.  “Jennie was picked up for a drunk and disorderly, left the kids home alone overnight and failed her drug test.  When I went to pick them up, she had the whole trailer packed up.  She said Darren was in Los Angeles, and she was going to meet him.  Promised she’d come back for the kids once they were settled, but I haven’t been able to get a hold of her since she left.”

“Shit,” Michael swears.

“Exactly,” Meagan agrees.

Jennie’s absence casts a pall over the rest of the summer.  Miya’s angry. Mom promised to take us on vacation, but she left without us , she complains more than once.  And Michael can’t help but miss Callie.  

Two weeks after school starts, Michael’s getting ready to leave when Alex and Pharaoh come back in the door.

“What’s wrong,” Michael asks as soon as he sees Alex.  He’s pale and Pharaoh is pressed against his thigh.  “Are you hurt? What do you need?”  He follows Alex into the kitchen where he sits down at the table.  Michael opens the cupboard, pulling out tea and Alex’s medications, not sure what he might need.

“Michael, stop,” Alex’s voice stops him.   “Sit down, please.”

“Alex, what’s going on?”  Michael’s trying not to panic.

Alex reaches for his hand as soon as he sits down.  “Meagan was at the school this morning.  Jennie and Darren were killed in a car accident.  It happened last week, but because they were out of state, it took a while for the authorities to figure out who to contact.”

Michael’s mind goes blank.  His first reaction is relief that the kids weren’t with them, and then all he can think about is the things Jennie will never get to do. She’ll never go to another concert or see Blake perform.  Miya’s vacation will never happen.  Jennie will never hold her grandkids or find a partner who loves her.  She won’t go back to school or open her own business.  She won’t have grey hair or wrinkles.  Callie won’t even remember her mother.  

“Fuck,” Michael whispers, his heart breaking.

Alex squeezes his hand.  “There’s not going to be a service, but I told Meagan we’d take care of the burial.  I want there to be something nice for the kids.”

Michael’s eyes widen and his heart sinks.  He had been so caught up in what won’t happen, he didn’t even think about the present.  “Do the kids know?”

“Meagan’s going to tell them,”  Alex shakes his head.  “It’s going to devastate Miya. All of them, but especially Miya.”

“What’s going to happen to them?”  Michael’s afraid of what the answer might be.

“Since they’re already in the system, and it’s documented that they have no other family, they’ll be eligible for adoption once all the paperwork is processed.  But you know the odds,”  Alex shrugs, his expression devastated.

“Given their ages it won’t be easy, probably impossible to keep them together.  Callie has the best chance, but even she’s not a baby any more.”  Michael knows what happened with Max and Isobel was an exception.  Older kids don’t get adopted often, and getting someone to take all three of them is even more unlikely.  “I don’t want them getting lost in the system.”

“They don’t have to.  We can give them a home,”  Alex gives him a shaky smile.  “But we have to be sure, Michael.”

It’s tempting to just say yes, to fix this just because they can, but Alex is right. They need to be sure.  The kids need more than just a home where they can be together, they are going to need patience and understanding while they navigate the loss of their parents.  It’s not going to be easy.  But he also thinks he and Alex are strong enough now to give them that.  

“I love those kids, and I know you do too.  That’s so much more than I ever had, then Jennie ever had.  If we can give them that, I think we should.”

“I talked to Meagan a bit,”  Alex admits, leaning back in his chair and relaxing slightly.  “I didn’t commit to anything, not without talking to you first.  She said we still have to go through an approval process, so they will stay where they are for now.  I think that will be good, let them have some stability at first.  But they need a family, and you’re right, we do love them.  We can do this.”

The circumstances are horrible, nothing Michael ever wished for, but they will make sure Miya, Blake and Callie have the best lives possible.  It’s the last thing they can do for Jennie, make sure her kids are safe and loved.  

“Michael, Michael, Michael,”  Michael looks up to see Blake running toward him through the field with Timmy, the Volner’s son.

“What, what, what?”  Michael chants back to him, laughing as Bumble runs up and licks Blake’s face while he’s trying to catch his breath.

“Alex let me ride home with Timmy.  He said you could take me home, but if it’s ok with you I can stay for dinner,” Blake explains in a rush.

Before Michael can say anything, Timmy pulls on his sleeve.  “Blake’s Dad, my mom already said yes.  And she can take Blake home when she picks my sister up from volleyball.”

Michael tries not to be too charmed by being called ‘Blake’s Dad.”  He still gets called ‘Mr. Guerin’s Husband’ by a lot of the students, but the younger ones have started calling him “Blake or Miya’s Dad.’  “Is your homework done?”

“Yes,” Timmy answers for him.  “And my mom checked it.”

“You’re sure Alex said yes?”  He waits for Blake to nod.  “Ok, you can stay.  But be good,” he yells when the boys immediately take off.

“I told you my Dads would say yes,” he hears Blake say when Timmy cheers.

Michael smiles as he watches them run toward the house, making sure they get back inside.  He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to being called “Dad.”  Miya always calls them Alex and Michael, but Timmy uses both and Callie only knows them as “Dad.”  And it's fine if none of that ever changes.  All that matters is that the kids are happy and thriving, and they are.  

There are still some sad days, but they are less frequent. As soon as they made the decision to adopt, Alex and Michael reached out to Judith.  She and Clay were able to find a wonderful child psychologist willing to relocate to Yuma.  They’ve had the kids for over a year now, and they’ve survived all the firsts - first Christmas and birthdays, Valentines Day and Mothers Day.  If the next year goes well, they are thinking about talking to Meagan about adopting again.

Michael calls Alex, smiling when Alex greets him with a soft “Hey.”

“I just talked to Blake,” he updates Alex.  “Homework is done, and Timmy’s mom will bring him home later.”

“Good,” Alex says.  “I thought you would say yes, but I wanted him to ask.”

“How is everything at home?”  He asks.

“We’re fine,” Alex reassures him.  “Miya is finishing up her homework, and Callie and I are having a bit of a cuddle before I start dinner.”

That explains the quiet tone of Alex’s voice.  He can picture them - Alex is the big recliner in the living room where he can stretch out and still watch Miya if she’s doing her homework in the kitchen.  Callie will be laying on his chest, her head tucked under his chin.  Michael’s heart aches, and he can’t wait to be home with them.  “Is Callie ok?” he asks.  She’d been struggling with separation anxiety since Alex went back to school after being home all summer.

“Dorothy said she was an angel all day.”  

Michael hears Callie giggle and knows Alex must be ruffling her curls to make her laugh.  “Well, if Dorothy said she was an angel,” Michael laughs, relieved.  They were so lucky to have Dorothy volunteer to watch Callie when they were at work.  Michael switched all his reporting to be done from home, but he still had field work to do.  Not only was Dorothy a retired school librarian, her daughter had been Callie’s foster mother, so she wasn’t a stranger.

“She’s been asking about you and Bumble,” Alex tells him.

“Mostly Bumble, I’m sure.” Bumble is the kids’ favorite.  Pharaoh loves them and is great with them, but Alex is her first responsibility and she never forgets it.  Bumble happily lets Callie climb on him, he’ll sneak in Miya’s bed when she wakes up crying and bring Blake a ball to throw when Blake gets restless.

Michael hears a rustling sound, then Callie's voice over the phone.  “B and Dad come home soon?” she asks.

“Yeah, baby, we’ll be home soon.”  

There’s more rustling, and then Alex is back.  “Sorry, she wanted to talk.”

“I’m almost done so I should be home in about half an hour.  Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll take care of it,” Michael tells him, reluctant to disturb Alex and Callie when he’ll be home that soon. He knows Alex had a long day too.  His schedule changed to match the kids, so while he goes in at the same time, he stays later, and he used the extra time to add electives in jazz ensemble and basic composition.

“Thanks, Michael.  I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Michael says softly before hanging up.  “Come on, Bumble, let’s wrap this up.”  Michael yells to the dog, eager to get home to his family.