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Chloe stares at her phone for close to two minutes, waiting for Linda to elaborate, but there are no more messages. She could ask for more information, or she could grab her car keys and go in search of her partner. Chloe hasn’t seen Lucifer since this afternoon when he disappeared from the precinct without explanation—which is nothing new, if she’s being honest. And things between them are a bit...strained ever since the Evidence Room Incident where she pushed him too far.
Shaking herself, she thumbs through her phone apps, looking for a specific one—one she used once before to find Lucifer. With the thunderstorm outside, she doesn’t want to make the drive all the way out to Lux only to find out he isn’t there. Her heart beats rapidly as she anxiously waits for the app to load and search for his location. Her mind whirs. Is Lucifer okay? Is he hurt? Did something happen?
Well, okay, something definitely happened if Linda is texting her. But what?
After about a minute that drags on and on, her phone pings.
“Seriously?” she whispers, blinking at the little blue flashing dot with Lucifer hovering beside it. “What are you doing there?” His location is both a surprise and...well, not a surprise. He seems to go there when he’s struggling with something, and if his therapist is worried about him, it must be bad.
Nodding to herself, Chloe slips on her shoes, grabs a jacket and an umbrella. At the last second, she grabs a blanket, too; if he’s been out there for a while, he’s probably cold and soaking wet. Grateful that Trixie is at a sleepover tonight, Chloe grabs her keys and heads out.
The downpour makes the drive take longer than Chloe expected. Traffic was slowed down to a crawl because of the storm and as much as she wanted to use the lights on her cruiser...well, it’s a violation of the rules. Still, she was tempted more than once, imagining Lucifer alone and hurting with whatever is going on with him.
Finally, she pulls into the mostly empty parking lot, right beside the black Corvette she would recognize anywhere even without the FALL1N1 vanity plates. Yeah, it's bad—Lucifer didn’t even bother to put the roof up. The footwells are flooding. Using the car key he gave her years ago in case of emergencies, she quickly does it for him to prevent any further damage. Getting the interior fixed up is still going to cost him a pretty penny. Good thing he’s richer than...well, anybody.
Opening her umbrella, she turns around and starts scanning the beach, searching for Lucifer. Her heart flips when she spots the lone figure sitting in the sand, curled in on himself. Wondering what could have brought him to this, she rushes out onto the beach, slowing down as she approaches him. If he notices her presence, he doesn’t say a word, even as she opens the blanket on the wet sand and sits down beside him. She shifts a bit closer to him, enough that she can hold the umbrella over him.
Not that it makes much of a difference; he’s positively drenched with rain. His hair is flattened to his forehead and his suit is dripping water. His arms are folded atop his knees which are pulled to his chest, his chin resting on top. He’s staring out over the water looking lost and defeated and full of anguish. Chloe thinks his eyes are bloodshot and rimmed with red. Her heart squeezes with pain and compassion for him. She’s never seen him cry before, not like this, and all she wants to do is wrap her arms around him and take his pain away. But she doesn’t know how he would react to that right now.
“Lucifer?” she says softly.
For the first time since she sat down, Lucifer blinks and turns his head towards her. “Detective,” he murmurs hoarsely. “W-what are you doing here?”
Taking a deep breath, she scoots a little closer to him until their shoulders brush. “I got a text message from Linda,” she says. “She didn’t tell me anything except that you might need a friend.”
“Oh,” he breathes, his eyebrows furrow. “And...you came all the way out here for me?”
It’s Chloe’s turn to furrow her eyebrows. “Yes, of course I did, Lucifer,” she says fervently. “You’re my partner, first and foremost. And anytime you need something, anything, I’m here for you. Always.”
Lucifer sucks in a trembling breath through his nose, his jaw clenched. “Thank you,” he says so softly she barely hears it over the rain. She smiles at him and he turns back to the ocean. The waves are high and crashing violently into the beach. Thunder cracks somewhere in the distance and a second later, lightning flashes across the sky.
Lucifer huffs irritably. “This is my fault.”
“What is?”
He lifts a hand from his knee and waves vaguely around them. “This, the storm.”
Chloe narrows her eyes, trying to figure out what he’s talking about. They haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk about...anything, really, let alone what it means for him to be the Devil. But she suspects there are a million tiny things she doesn’t know, including exactly how powerful the man beside her is. “I’m...not sure I’m following. How is a thunderstorm your fault? Is that, like, a Devil power or something?”
A corner of his lips twitches slightly at her attempt at levity. “No,” he says softly. “It’s...a long story, Detective.”
“Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m right here. Okay? No pressure.”
For a long time, he doesn’t answer, keeping his gaze locked on the crashing waves. The longer he remains silent, the more he seems to deflate. Chloe’s fingers are aching to reach for him, but she keeps them to herself for now. It hurts, seeing him like this. Normally, so full of life and light, larger than life itself, Lucifer keeps his walls up so high, even around Chloe. It’s why learning he chose to make himself vulnerable near her meant so much, because it felt like he was lowering his defenses to let her in.
But now, he looks...crushed. Like his heart has been broken. Yet again, she wonders what happened to him tonight; who did this to him? She wants to find out and go give whoever it was a piece of her mind for hurting the man she loves.
“You love your offspring. Don’t you.”
Chloe stares at him, her mouth open slightly. That certainly isn't what she thought he would say. It doesn’t really sound like a question, but she answers, anyway. “Yes. Of course I do. More than anything.”
“And there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for her?”
The last few years flash before her eyes, all the times Trixie has been in danger because of her mother’s job, in one way or another. The most recent instance, Trixie had snuck out to check on Lucifer and a hitman had shown up at the penthouse to kill him. Both Trixie and Eve would have been collateral damage if not for the Devil himself.
Or the time before that, with Malcolm. The fear and adrenaline Chloe felt that night was like nothing she’d experienced before. All that mattered was Trixie, but Chloe knew exactly what she was walking into—and that she might not walk out. Lucifer followed her, refusing to let her face Malcolm on her own, and he’d nearly died protecting them.
Every time Trixie has been in danger, Lucifer has been right at Chloe’s side to save her, to protect her. Chloe isn’t the only one on this beach who loves her daughter.
“No, there isn’t,” she answers without hesitation.
Lucifer nods.
She frowns. “You knew that, though. Why are you asking?”
“There was a time, back when I first landed in Hell, that I did everything I thought my father expected of me. I stayed there, alone in the dark and cold and miserable. I ruled the demons with an iron fist and rose to become King. When human souls began arriving, I saw to their eternal punishments. I hated every moment of it, but I did it—and I was good at it, Detective. Very good. Some part of me believed that if I served out my sentence for long enough, Father would release me from it.
“Even when I came to Earth to indulge, I knew it was only a matter of time before Amenadiel found me and chased me back to my throne. Perhaps I could have fought harder against him, but fear of my father kept me in line.
“Until one visit to Earth. Long story short, I finally realized it was all so bloody pointless. Why was I still trying to please Him? He was never going to forgive me, never going to lift my punishment, so why should I continue playing His game? I put my foot down and thanks to Amenadiel owing me a favor, he couldn't force me to return. I severed my wings and never looked back.”
Chloe's eyes widen in realization. “2011. That's when you came to L.A.”
Not taking his eyes off the water, Lucifer nods. “Indeed. This beach is where I landed, actually, and where I severed then later burned my wings. This is where I felt free for the first time in my entire life. Free of the shackles of Hell. Free of my father’s plan. Free to live my own life.”
“You deserve that, Lucifer. Freedom. To live your life however you want to live it.”
A shadow of a smile pulls on his lips. “Yes, well. I told myself I didn’t care what He thinks anymore. He rejected and abandoned me, so why shouldn’t I do the same for Him? For the longest time, I was sure none of it mattered—I could scream to the Heavens until my throat was raw (and there were times that I did), but I’d never get a response. I accepted that, or so I thought.”
A feeling of dread settles in Chloe’s stomach. “What changed?” she whispers.
Lucifer huffs. “I finally got an answer.”
Given the circumstances, Chloe highly suspects the answer to whatever question Lucifer asked was not to his liking.
Slowly, he turns his head to look at her, pain and grief and disappointment so ancient she wouldn’t even know how to begin wiping it away in his eyes. “My father doesn’t love me.”
The cold Chloe feels has nothing to do with the temperature or the rain. For the first time ever, she wishes God were here in front of her so she could tear Him a new one then punch Him for what He’s done to her partner, one of the best men she’s ever known.
“H-he told you that?” she whispers in horror.
He scoffs. “Not in so many words, but the implication was there all the same,” he says resentfully. “I asked if He loves us, His children, and His response was, ‘If I have to tell you, then I really have failed’.”
There are so many ways to interpret that response, but Chloe doesn’t bother to consider them. That is not the answer a parent is supposed to give when their child asks if they are loved. It shouldn’t be a question at all; children should know without a shadow of a doubt their parents love them.
Good parents, anyway.
Unable to keep her distance from him any longer, Chloe scoots closer until their sides are pressed together, resting her free hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry, Lucifer.” The words sound anemic compared to the pain he’s experiencing right now, but she isn’t sure what else to say.
“I don’t know why I’m so bloody surprised, to be honest. It should have been obvious when He had me tossed from the edge of Heaven into Hell. I don’t even know why I bloody care.”
Because despite everything He’s done to you, some tiny part of you still loves your father and you wanted that love to be returned, Chloe doesn’t say out loud. “You deserve better,” she offers instead, pressing her cheek to his shoulder.
“I’m not sure that I do, Detective,” he murmurs, turning to look back at the water. Before she can open her mouth to argue, he continues, “I realized something else tonight, something I should have noticed all along. My father is incapable of love. He’s a selfish bastard who plays mind games with His children and His creations. He manipulates and twists every little thing. He allowed his so-called favorite son to be vilified by his other children, humanity, and history.
“And I am just like Him. I, too, am incapable of love.”
Chloe feels her heart thud once then drop to the ground and shatter at the brokenness in his voice. He is absolutely convinced of that. But he couldn’t be further from the truth. For a moment, she’s speechless, too many thoughts fighting for precedence in her mind that all lead to the same conclusion:
“You’re wrong.”
Lucifer snaps his gaze over to her, mouth hanging half open. Did he really expect her to just agree with him? “Detective,” he sighs, an apology in his voice.
“No,” she says firmly, cupping his face in her hand so that he can’t turn away from her. Lucifer is crazy strong and could easily break her grip, but she knows he won’t. “Lucifer, you’re wrong. You are nothing like your father. You’re kind and generous and thoughtful. You care so much about the people around you. About me. I mean,” she huffs, “you just spent thousands of years in Hell protecting the people you love from demons. You saved my life when you barely even knew me and kept saving it for years. ‘Again and again’, remember?”
His eyes soften as the memory of her pressing an axe to his chest plays in both their minds. That was the night she finally came back to her senses; when everything Lucifer had done for her overrode the bullshit and lies Father Kinley filled her head with.
“I could sit here and list out all the things you’ve done for me that have proven how you feel, but we’d be here all night,” she goes on. “You’re not only capable of love, Lucifer, you love harder than anybody I’ve ever known. And not just me—Trixie, Linda, Ella, Maze...even Amenadiel and Dan.” He scoffs, but doesn’t try to deny those last two names. Because it would be a lie and he knows it. “Lucifer, you died and went to Hell for the antidote formula when I was poisoned.”
He jerks in surprise, eyes widening. “How did you...”
“Maze told me a couple years ago,” she explains. “I mean, it was before I knew the truth, so I thought she was talking in metaphors. Then after I saw your face the first time, those conversations started floating back in my mind. I didn’t make the connection until after...” After she nearly poisoned Lucifer and he learned the depth of her betrayal, and their partnership was all but over. “I’ve been trying to find a moment to ask you about it, but a lot’s happened.”
Lucifer clears his throat and averts his eyes briefly. “Detective, I did that because you didn’t deserve to die so young. You deserve to live a long, happy life with your offspring.”
He doesn’t lie, so she knows that’s the truth, but she also knows it isn’t the entire truth. She can see it in his eyes. Then and now. The fear that she wouldn’t survive. The way he avoided her room after the lead he and Dan chased down turned out to be a dead end—Lucifer couldn’t face her, because he couldn’t lie and tell her everything was going to be fine. Chloe knew he hadn’t given up, though. He never would have given up.
She was mostly unconscious the one time he did come into the room, but has vague memories of him brushing her hair back from her face and promising he would be back with the formula. Telling her to hold on just a little longer. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and practically begged her not to give up, that he needed her.
Chloe thought it was all some fever dream when she woke up. Then she found Lucifer sitting beside her, looking exhausted and relieved.
“And because you needed me?” she asks softly.
The way his mouth opens and closes, struggling to find words would be comical in other circumstances. He even blushes a little, which is adorable. “Well, I...” He sighs. “I’m a selfish creature, Detective.”
“You’re not,” she says fiercely. “Needing somebody isn’t selfish, Lucifer. It isn’t weak. You know, I think you loved me even then. Or at least something close to it.” She was definitely on the verge of falling for him.
He looks completely at a loss. Chloe can almost hear the words “But I left” floating between them. She really doesn’t want to get into all that right now. “But...I couldn’t...”
“Couldn’t, what?” she prods gently.
Lucifer slumps, not meeting her gaze. “I couldn’t tell you...”
He doesn’t finish the sentence, but she doesn’t need him to in order to know what he’s trying to say. “Lucifer, look at me,” she orders softly. Reluctantly he does, shame filling his eyes. “Just because you couldn’t say three little words doesn’t mean you don’t feel them. It doesn’t diminish everything you’ve done to show me how you feel. Look, I...I shouldn’t have pushed you. You were right—Michael got into my head and brought out all those fears and insecurities that, honestly, don’t even have anything to do with you. I know how you feel about me. You can tell me whenever you’re ready—if that’s next week or next year, or even never, it won’t change how I feel about you.”
“But Detective, you deserve—”
“I deserve to be with somebody who will always have my back, no matter what. Someone who’s there for me and knows what I need before I even do. I deserve to feel comfortable and safe and cared for. And to be happy.”
He sighs despondently. “Yes. You do.”
Chloe almost smiles at the way he just doesn’t seem to be getting what she’s saying. “Lucifer. That’s how I feel when I’m with you.”
The look of stunned surprise on his face is heartbreaking. “It is?”
She nods. “Yes. I’ve always felt that way around you.” Even when she denied it with every fiber of her being. “Lucifer, my point is, you could never be like your father. Love isn’t something you could ever be incapable of. And for whatever it’s worth, even if He doesn’t love you, you are loved, Lucifer. By so many people, but nobody more than me.”
His eyes glisten as he stares at her. The only thing he seems incapable of at the moment is speech. Instead, he leans forward, pressing their foreheads together. “Chloe...” he breathes, filling each syllable with so much wonder and awe her eyes start to burn. “That’s worth everything.” Tilting his head, he kisses her, cold hands rising to cradle her face like she’s priceless. Like he loves her.
Forgetting everything that isn’t Lucifer, Chloe drops the umbrella to wrap her arms around his neck, kissing him back, trying to show him in a language he understands how she feels. The little strangled moan he lets out says her message is getting across.
She’s only human, though, so as the rain starts to soak into her skin, she shivers. Lucifer must notice; he shrugs his shoulders and the rain disappears. Frowning slightly, Chloe opens her eyes and gasps. They’re surrounded by white feathers—his wings that she’s only seen once, right before he returned to Hell. The soft, warm glow they exude is warming her from the inside out.
“Apologies, darling, I should have done that sooner,” he says a bit sheepishly.
Letting out an amazed laugh, she kisses him again, swallowing his pleased groan. Before she’s fully aware of him moving, she’s in his lap, his arms wrapped around her like he’s drowning and she’s the life raft. The confines of his wings are like their own world and nothing exists outside them.
Lucifer brings the kiss to a gradual end, their foreheads meeting again. His eyes are closed tightly and he’s breathing heavily, but the expression he wore when she arrived has faded, leaving only contentment. It amazes her that she can do that for him.
“Nobody has ever...” he murmurs softly.
Chloe brushes back the wet hair from his forehead. “What?” she whispers.
His eyes open, shining with tears and what she can only call love. “Nobody has ever cared for me the way you do,” he confesses. “Nobody has ever cared enough to try.”
Yet again, her heart breaks for this man—this angel—who has gone through life alone, living in literal Hell, never experiencing love or being loved. Lucifer’s life experience far outweighs hers in terms of excitement and adventure. He’s seen things she can only read about in history books. But he has no idea what it’s like to be part of a family, to have someone look at him and see him. Not the playboy or the Devil but him. The man he is beneath all of that.
“You know, I never told you about the other theory Amenadiel had the night he told me about your vulnerability.”
Lucifer frowns and shakes his head slightly. “What theory?”
“About...me being a gift,” she says slowly. His face falls and Chloe hurries on. “See, he thinks that the real gift is that when I look at you, I don’t see what other people see. I don’t see my greatest desire, because I’m immune to your mojo. Instead, I see past all of that, all of your carefully constructed walls and defenses. I see you, Lucifer. The real you. Not the Devil or the angel or the nightclub-owning playboy. I see the good, kind, incredible man that you try so hard to hide. And that is who I fell in love with. That is who I want to be with.”
It takes him a moment to think through everything that she said and she gives him that time. Meanwhile, she takes in his wings, every perfect feather of all sizes. She wonders if they’re as soft as they look, and whether Lucifer might let her touch them one day. They suit him in a way she can’t exactly describe. She would never consider him broken or lacking, but his wings complete him, make him more than she ever thought.
“Bloody hell,” he breathes in amazement, blinking several times. “He’s right. I...I’ve always known that you see me differently. It’s one of the many, many things that have drawn me to you, Detective.” The weight of what she’s saying settles completely right before her eyes and his expression shifts. The look on his face is reminiscent of the night she first told him that she loved him—the night he returned to Hell. That slightly disbelieving, reverent, elated expression. “You see all of that in me?”
“I always have, Lucifer. And anybody who doesn’t see it, anybody who can know you and not love you? That isn’t your fault. Because whatever else happens, you’ll have one person who does love you unconditionally. Who—”
The rest of what she was going to say is stolen when Lucifer crashes his lips against her, kissing her like he’s never kissed her before. Their first night together, and even the kiss they just shared, he was tender and sweet and incredible. This, though, is full of desperation and need and so much love it feels like her heart may explode with it. It takes her a second to catch up and kiss him back.
Lucifer groans into her mouth, lifting his hands to cradle her face. “I love you, too,” he whispers fervently.
Chloe pulls away from his kiss, feeling dizzy, and wonders if she just imagined him saying—
“I love you, Chloe Decker. It’s only ever been you.”
Joy and warmth like nothing she’s ever felt floods through her veins. “You do?” she breathes weakly.
He smiles softly, caressing her cheek with his thumb. “Of course I do. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before, but you’re right. There is only one person whose love I need and it’s yours. If I have you, what else could I possibly desire?”
That’s exactly how she feels and she tells him that, his eyes lighting up brighter than the stars themselves. Around them, the glow of his wings also brightens as if in response to what he’s feeling.
“I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here, darling,” he murmurs after a few minutes of simply holding each other.
Chloe shakes her head. “I’m not. I’m glad Linda texted me and I’m glad I could be here for you.”
“Hmm. As am I.” Lucifer nuzzles his nose along her neck. “I wanted to come see you straight after that...catastrophe of a dinner, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me.”
“Look at me, Lucifer.” She waits until he lifts his head and meets her gaze, insecurity flaring in his eyes. “I always want to see you. Don’t ever doubt that.”
Lucifer gives her a slow, shy smile. “I’m starting to see that,” he murmurs.
“Good. Now, as romantic as it is to sit in the rain under angel wings, we’re both cold and wet. Why don’t we go home and get warmed up?”
His shy smile turns leering and seductive. Chloe pretends it doesn’t do something to her when he looks at her like that. “I rather like you wet,” he purrs. “And I can certainly warm you up.”
Unable to bite back her laugh, she shakes her head. “Come on. Let’s get out of here. And, um, we should probably take my car.”
Lucifer frowns a little as he furls his wings again. They disappear and Chloe makes a note to ask him where they go. “Why your car?” He reaches for the abandoned umbrella and shakes off some of the water, holding it above her head.
“Because yours is a bit flooded.”
Chloe laughs at the choked sound he makes and the offended look on his face.