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Caitlyn stirs, she’s not really sure why, her eye cracks open and the warm light of a nearby lamp illuminates her bedroom, her fingers twitch and she feels a fresh bandage beneath them, a bandage she’d changed for her beloved before she’d drifted off.
She hears the rustle of paper and the turning of a page, thick, calloused fingers affectionately stroke her hair and she presses her cheek against warm skin, closing her eye again and basking in the comfort of physical touch.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Vi whispers softly,
“You didn’t,” she shakes her head and smiles, “I take it you’re still struggling to drift off,” Vi nods solemnly,
“Reading helps but if it’s keeping you up I can stop,”
“No, no,” Caitlyn smiles, “I love how much you read, I smile a little whenever I stumble across a stray book,”
“Your Dad doesn’t seem to approve,”
“Don’t let him bother you,” she grins, “I actually think you driving him up the wall is putting some life back into him,”
“Glad to be of service,” Vi smirks, folding the corner, another thing she knows Tobias hates and dropping the book on her bedside where Caitlyn notices the glass of whiskey which had been topped up since she’d drifted off,
“Which book have you picked out now?” She removes herself from Vi’s embrace so Vi can get comfortable under the covers, melting back into it as soon as Vi’s settled again,
“Another kids book, this one’s even more ridiculous than the last, it’s about a girl who lives inside a big floating apple with a family of bugs, Powder would’ve loved it.”
She doesn’t miss the way Vi’s lips tremble slightly as she says her sister’s name, “Is she keeping you up again?” Her arms tighten around Vi as she nods,
“I see her every time I close my eyes, I watch her fall in slow motion, watch as my hand hopelessly hangs in front of me, my scream echoes around my pounding mind as seconds become hours, watching unblinkingly as she falls and falls and falls until finally…” she swallows a lump in her throat and Caitlyn takes her hand, running her thumb across raw knuckles,
“You see that blast and your eyes open,” Caitlyn finishes for her and Vi nods again, eyes sparkling with tears,
“I’d do anything to have that moment back, to be the one to fall instead of her, I was supposed to protect her and instead she dies saving me, I’m pathetic, she shouldn’t have had to…”
“Violet…” Caitlyn whispers, “it’s not your fault,”
“It is though, it’s only my fault, it can only be my fault,”
“Why?” She asks gently and Vi looks shocked, almost angry, tearing her hand away from Caitlyn’s
“Are you seriously asking that?” She scoffs, trying to shrug Caitlyn away
“Yes,” Caitlyn doesn’t budge, wrapping her arms around Vi from behind and pressing her front to Vi’s vast back, her lips kissing the back of her neck.
Vi pauses, stopping to think, reluctantly bringing her mind back to that moment, pressing through the pain, the warmth and comfort clinging to her back giving her the strength to keep going.
“I remember being back to back with Jinx, "I'm always with you, even when we're worlds apart," then he's there, Vander except he's wrong, so fucking wrong, there's nothing recognisable about him but it must be him.”
Tears fall from her eyes, she can't help herself but Caitlyn is still here, holding her,
"If it's too much, you don't have to talk, just let me hold you while you get everything out of your system, whatever you need, I'm here."
“I remember the sheer force of his blows against my gauntlets, the futility of trying to fight yet I have to, it's a losing battle and he's got Jinx and then suddenly Jayce is there before nothing.”
“I have no idea what happened but then he's there, feet away from her, somebody is screaming at me but she can't make any sense of it, the words are distant and muffled, all that matters is him. My entire body turns numb, my insides hollow as I begins to sob and breakdown, I’ve lost him again, nothing else matters anymore and it’s all my fucking fault.”
She sobs and turns around, wrapping her arms around Caitlyn and burying her face in her chest, staining her nightshirt with her tears as she weeps. Fingers ruffle her hair and skirt along her back, "He was dead Cait, I lost him again, I lost my dad three fucking times but then he wasn't dead, and Jinx, she had to, I see that blue orb eject from my gauntlet and then she's falling again and I've lost both of them, everyone I love, everyone I swore to protect, I failed them, I shouldn't be alive and they should be, it's not fair, if I was dead then they'd all be happy."
"Violet," Caitlyn whispers, "that's not true, do you think Jinx would regret saving your life?" Vi pauses, sniffing and wiping her nose on the expensive lace which Caitlyn isn't phased by,
"No," she says finally, "she told me to live, she told me to choose you and despite everything she said she'd always be with me, it's the only reason I'm still here Cait, because I want to honour her words, I want to be happy and with you I am, I love you so fucking much,”
“Violet…” Caitlyn holds her and she melts into her arms, “it’s ok, it’s all ok, let it out, let everything out,” she repeats as she lovingly caresses Vi’s back, ruffling her hair, she catches herself tearing up but pushes the urge to cry away, she needs to be strong for Vi, just like Vi has been strong for her.
“Sorry,” Vi sniffs and wipes her eyes after what must of been ten minutes of crying, “I’m pathetic, I know,”
“You’re not,” Caitlyn pulls her closer, cupping her cheek and looking deep into puffy, red eyes, “you’re human Violet, it’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to feel loss and despair, I love you Violet, I’ve never known anyone so kind, so strong but you don’t have to face this alone, I’ve got your back, like you’ve got mine.”
She’s not sure if she’s said the right thing, how the fuck is she supposed to work out what the right thing to say is but a brief smile flickers on Vi’s lips, one of comfort, of longing, “Thank you,” Vi croaks, rolling Caitlyn onto her back and practically flopping on top of her, pinning her to her bed and wrapping her tightly in muscular arms, “I love you too Cait.”
She lays there for a while, holding Caitlyn close to her chest, face buried in the crook of her neck as she breathes her in, calming and composing herself until she’s ready to show her face again.
“I’m sorry for ruining your top,” she lifts herself off Caitlyn who notices the tear and snot stains on the silky, purple material, a guilty smile on Vi’s lips,
“It’s alright,” she runs her thumb along Vi’s jaw, looking lovingly into her eyes, “it’ll wash.”
She probably should’ve seen it coming but Vi’s fingers close around the hem of her nightgown and whip it over her head, throwing it over her shoulder, somewhere near the overflowing basket of dirty clothes.
“Violet…” she blushes but powder blue eyes never abandon her eye,
“Sorry,” she smiles before lowering herself back into Caitlyn’s arms, “it felt really uncomfortable and slimy,”
“You could always sleep in a vest,” she suggests,
“And spoil your view?” She smirks and Caitlyn feels both relieved that Vi seems to have relaxed but anxious that she’s simply burying her feelings and putting on a brave face,
“Violet…” she kisses her temple, “if you need to talk I’m here ok, you don’t need to suffer in silence and you don’t need to put on a brave face around me, I can only imagine how much you’re hurting,”
“It’s getting better,” Vi sighs heavily, “being with you, it helps me so much, especially on the bad days,”
“I know,” she flashes a small smile of her own, “believe me, I know,” she threads her fingers through Vi’s hair, still long and unkempt, “have you thought about writing?” Vi looks up at her, brow furrowed in confusion, “I noticed you read a lot of children’s books, I wondered if you’d like to write one,” she can tell by her expression that Vi is thinking,
“What would I even write about Cait?" She shakes her head,
"Anything you wanted," she smiles, "a sentient race of fruit people living in a magic tree, two young pirates travelling around the world, a rookie treasure hunter delving deep into ancient tombs?” She suggests,
“How about a rich, one eyed Mongoose who runs around solving crimes or is that a little too on the nose?” She grins and a genuinely laugh pulls itself from Caitlyn’s belly,
“I’m flattered,” she smiles, leaning down to kiss Vi’s temple again but Vi leans up and kisses her lips instead,
“The Cupcake Cop,” Vi smirks and Caitlyn giggles again,
“I like it,” she ruffles Vi’s hair once more,
“Thank you,” Vi relaxes and wraps her arms back around Caitlyn, “I’m feeling better now,” she kisses her way along her jaw, burying her face in the crook of her neck and clutching her close, “sorry for being a burden,”
“You’re not a burden Violet, I love you, I’m here for you, whatever you need and whenever you need it I’ve got you.”
She combs Vi’s hair with her fingers, easing her into sleep, whispering soft words and sweet nothings until she finds her own eye drifting closed, Vi’s body perfectly fitted against her own as she joins her in sleep.