Chapter Text
Hashirama sweeps through his office as he gives Madara the last few details about what he’s leaving for Madara to take up when he becomes Hokage tomorrow. “Oh,” Hashirama says, stopping in front of the array of potted plants he said he plans to leave there for Madara, “by the way, about Tobira’s guard duty, he’ll be with you from the time you get out of bed in the morning, until you get home and lock your door at night, after which another agent will take over. So, if you need him or another ANBU operative for something, don’t hesitate to call him, okay? He likes feeling useful.”
Madara stares at his friend for a moment, “Are you fucking kidding me!?” he shrieks.
Hashirama’s eyes widen in surprise, not expecting such a reaction, “Am I kidding you about what?” he asks, tone completely innocent.
“Your brother is going to be following me all day, every day?”
“Of course,” Hashirama replies brightly, seeing absolutely no problem with it.
Madara can’t help but puff up in indignation, “For twelve to eighteen hours straight!? Does he get a break? Does he get days off? How early will he get to my house? Does he even sleep!?”
Taken aback, Hashirama says, “Of course he sleeps! He just tends to sleep less than most people, and he prefers to be productive. He’d rather be busy than wasting time in bed, if he’s not sleeping anyway.” Hashirama waves a dismissing hand, “Occasionally, he’ll take a day or two off, get other ANBU operatives to cover his shift so he can work in the lab.”
With the majority of Madara’s worries soothed, he can focus on the questions that Hashirama’s statement has just given rise to, “You have a private lab? In your house?”
Hashirama laughs, “Oh, no. I wanted to, but Tobira insisted that the lab be at the edge of the Senju complex near the forest in case of accidents. He likes to develop new jutsu and seals. He sometimes works with Itama on medical stuff too! He’s far more cautious than necessary, but it’s great that he cares so much!” A beaming smile takes over his friend’s face.
“He’s right to be cautious, you imbecile!” Madara wants to pull out his hair in frustration, “If he’s developing seals and jutsu, regardless of their purpose, there are bound to be dangerous consequences if something goes wrong! Please tell me he has the lab sealed off to anyone unqualified.”
Hashirama pouts, “The jutsu creation and medical labs are underground and completely plastered in seals. I’m not even allowed in anymore!” His eyes shine wetly as he turns his exaggerated pout directly on Madara, “I only turned the bacterial cultures into carnivorous flowers once!”
Madara is rendered speechless, he can’t help but wonder how he’d never seen this side of his friend before. The way he treats his brother is…Madara doesn’t want to say cruel, because Hashirama clearly loves him, but negligent is the best description he can come up with. Hashirama dotes on all his brothers, but for some reason, Tobirama—for all that Hashirama obviously adores him in his own way—seems to slip through the cracks in his friend’s perception. However, Hashirama isn’t going to change his tune in the next however many minutes, so Madara will have to put the observation aside for later when he can actually dedicate time to it.
Madara spends the rest of his day finishing the last of the Jounin Commander paperwork that needs his stamp before Nara Shikana takes over tomorrow. It’s dusk when he leaves, which is early enough that he has time to make a full meal for dinner instead of throwing together whatever leftovers he happens to have.
He’s back at home and in the middle of preparing his meal when it hits him. If Tobirama has been following Hashirama like that for who knows how long, the snow-haired blessed of Amaterasu-Omikami has already seen Madara at his absolute worst, and without Madara’s knowledge.
He abandons his dinner prep to sit at the table and wallow in despair. If he was following Hashirama until he returned home at night, Tobirama had been shadowing them to gambling dens and bars and seen him get roaring drunk and instigate bar fights in Tanzaku-gai and lose miserably at cards. Why hadn’t Hashirama told him his ANBU guarded him 24/7!? That’s important information! He’d thought they’d guarded him at work only. How had he missed it!? Probably because he doesn’t actively use his chakra sensing when he’s out being irresponsible with Hashirama, but come on!!
He is seriously regretting all his various misadventures with his friend right now. Especially because the most beautiful person on the planet has seen him act like an injudicious lout. There’s no way to rectify the impression he’s made on Tobirama, is there? He allows his forehead to fall to the chabudai with a loud thunk and yanks on his unruly locks to ground himself.
In the midst of Madara’s panicked self-recrimination, Tokaku walks in to find his brother and soon-to-be Hokage, all but pulling his hair out and face-planted on the chabudai. “Mada-nii,” he calls out worriedly, “what’s wrong? Is there something I can do to help?” He goes to sit next to his brother and gently disentangles Madara’s hands from his hair.
“Tokkun, I will never be able to show my face again. Nara Shikana will have to be the Hokage, after all. I will never recover from this abject humiliation.” Madara moans into the surface of the table.
“Mada-nii, it can’t be that bad,” Tokaku says, pulling Madara off the table and into a hug.
Madara shoves his nose under Tokaku’s chin and sinks into the comfort his brother is offering, “It is that bad, Tokaku! The man who will be my main bodyguard, the ANBU Commander, has been Hashirama’s bodyguard since the village was founded.”
Tokaku doesn’t understand why this is an issue, so he pets his brother's hair and inquires, “So? Sounds like he’s well qualified, isn’t that a good thing?”
Madara lets out a sardonic laugh under Tokaku’s chin, “Oh, he’s qualified, all right. But that’s not the issue. He’ll be following me from the time I get up in the morning until I come home and lock my doors at night. Do you know what that means?” Madara’s youngest brother makes an inquiring noise, so he continues, “It means that he’s followed Hashirama and me into bars and gambling dens and seen me at my absolute worst, Tokkun! There is absolutely no rectifying that kind of impression!” He is not ready to admit that a lot of his humiliation is due to the fact that Tobirama is so goddamn pretty, so obviously competent, and smashes every single one of Madara’s hot buttons.
Tokaku sighs but smiles into his oldest brother’s hair, “Mada-nii, the fact that he’s seen you go out, have fun and act like an actual human isn’t the end of the world. He still respects Hashirama-sama, doesn’t he? Why wouldn’t he respect you?”
He’s not about to tell Tokaku that the only reason Tobirama probably still holds respect for Hashirama is because he’s his brother. The other man had clearly indicated that he doesn’t want his identity spread, and as a blessed child of Amaterasu-Omikami, Madara must respect his wishes. However, Tokaku’s reasoning does make him feel a little bit better.
Madara leans back out of the hug but doesn’t let go of his brother, “Thank you, Tokaku,” he says with a grateful smile.
“Of course, Aniki, just because you’re not a paragon of virtue doesn’t mean you’re not respectable. We’re shinobi. I’m sure your ANBU guard has seen worse.”
That does make Madara feel better. He gives Tokaku another hug and offers, “I was in the middle of making dinner. Do you want any?”
Tokaku perks up like a puppy offered treats, “Mada-nii’s cooking!? Yes! There’s no way I’m turning that down. You don’t cook often anymore.”
“Because I hate it,” Madara grumbles, “I don’t even like cooking for myself, but I have manners.”
“Is that why you told me at fifteen, when I started making enough money to regularly get takeout, that you’re not my mom and to, I quote, ‘make your own food, you freeloader!’” Tokaku asks.
“Yes,” Madara replies with zero shame.
“Wow. Okay, Mada-nii. Hopefully, your spouse will like cooking because otherwise, you’re going to be stuck as household chef for life.”
“Who says I’m getting married? I can live on takeout for the rest of my life.”
“Sure you will, Mada-nii,” Tokaku says skeptically, “You can’t stand unbalanced meals. You’d survive a week on takeout before having fit.”
“Shut up and eat your dinner, brat.” Madara retorts as he brings two plates of vegetable and chicken-laden yakisoba to the table, undermining his own argument.
As Madara walks to the Tower the next morning, he can’t help but wonder if Tobirama is already following him. Hashirama said he would be, but Madara has yet to catch sight of him. Madara knows, theoretically, that it’s Tobirama’s job not to be seen, so the fact that Madara hasn’t seen him is actually a good thing, but he can’t help but be curious. For the entire duration of his trek to the Tower, he attempts to subtly spot his ANBU tail and abjectly fails.
Tobirama watches his new charge as he slinks through the shadows, following Madara-sama to the office. He can feel Madara’s seeking chakra and see his attempts to find him. Does Madara-sama think he’s being subtle? The sharingan has a very unique chakra signature, and Tobirama would be able to identify it from the other side of the country. Is he trying to catch Tobirama out? Does Madara-sama think he’s incompetent? He can’t help but feel a little indignant. He's been his brother’s bodyguard since they were five years old. Tobirama is the best at his job. There’s no way he’s going to let his new charge find him like he’s some kind of rank amateur. He doubles down on hiding his chakra signature and continues to follow Madara-sama to the Tower.
Madara sits in his new office, disappointed in his inability to find his bodyguard but buoyed by the thought that no one else will be able to spot him either. Madara is wearing the robes of his station. Though, he leaves the hat sitting on the desk. It’s an ugly-looking hat; he’s not sure how he let Hashirama talk him into the design. Perhaps it’s because he’d been so sure Hashirama would stay Hokage, and he’d never have to wear the stupid thing.
In the first two hours of the day, he learns several things about his new job. There is so much paperwork that comes to the Hokage, Sage’s beard, no wonder Hashirama was so eager to shirk his work! He needs a fucking secretary! Some of this should not be on his desk, who the hell is in charge of who gets what paperwork? This is ridiculous! If he were acting in his former capacity as clan head, he’d call on Hikaku, but as Hokage, he has no idea who would know the ins and outs of the administration other than he and Hashirama. But obviously, there’s some sort of missing filter because half of this paper should be on some other department’s desk!
Madara growls in frustration, “How the hell does that tree get all his work done?! There is no way he figures this out on his own!" He can’t help but complain to his empty office; he needs to get this off his chest, or he’ll go home and set something on fire that shouldn’t be. “I need a goddamn secretary! Who in the hell is in charge of paperwork distribution!? They should be fired! This budget proposal needs to go to the infrastructure office. And this one! It’s border patrol route rotation scheduling! It goes on fucking Touka-san’s desk! She’s the head of border security; I don’t need to see this until there’s a fucking problem!”
The next hour is spent just trying to sort out the mess on his desk. In all this time, he's made very little progress; he doesn't even know where half of these are supposed to go. Did Hashirama just dump all his unfinished work onto the desk yesterday before leaving? He is seriously considering setting the whole desk on fire for a minute. He probably won’t have to deal with being Hokage anymore if he does…it’s something to keep in mind for the future.
Madara is looking at two different documents about trade routes trying to decide if they’re supposed to go together or not—they’re really similar and completely different at the same time—when Tobirama is suddenly right in front of him. It takes every bit of his Shinobi training not to jump. “Leopard-san, what can I do for you?” Madara is very confused right now, Hashirama made it seem as if Tobirama would always be hidden unless he called him out.
“This one has come to aid you as necessary. Madara-sama has said he needs assistance with the paperwork," Tobirama responds tonelessly.
"Well, yes. But I didn't mean you, in particular.” Madara is honestly embarrassed he’d already forgotten about Tobirama and the fact that he clearly saw his little tantrum.
Tobirama is able to safely roll his eyes in annoyance behind his mask. He’s already signaled for someone to take over guard duty to come help, and Madara is rejecting that aid without even hearing why Tobirama is offering it. Typical stubborn leader, he'd spent enough time observing the clan heads of this village to see they all like to think they don’t need help.
“You want to know how Hashirama-sama got all his work done. It has been this one’s honor to assist the Hokage in any way he needs." It’s always a bit awkward calling his brother by honorifics, but he can’t let the other ANBU know of their familial relation.
Madara freezes and processes that statement for a minute. All this time, Hashirama has had help, and he had still tried pawning his work off on Madara? The audacity! And then to keep it to himself! When he was telling him about the exchange of duties he never mentioned this at all!
"You help him. With his paperwork?” Madara asks stupidly. He’s just processed this, but he still can't believe it.
Tobirama is trying really hard not to judge Madara; it is his first day on the job, and he’s probably just nervous. “Yes, sir. There is no excuse if this one is crossing boundaries, but it sounds as if Madara-sama is in need of assistance."
“I am!" Madara quickly responds, he doesn't want Tobirama to rescind his offer of help. “I was just surprised you helped with it."
“This one understands. If Madara-sama isn’t opposed, may this one take over organizing the paperwork? If it is acceptable, this one would often sort through the documents and organize them by importance. This way, Madara-sama can leave the items that only need a quick review for last and won't have to spend the time fully reading it before knowing it only requires a review and signature."
Tobirama doesn’t want to step on his new Hokage’s toes, but he also knows the work can get overwhelming. Today, though, it’s made worse by the fact that Hashirama decided to play a prank on Madara and dumped a week's worth of documents that he already completed onto Madara’s desk and mixed them into his current work. He isn’t going to completely throw Hashirama into the katon-jutsu, but he is going to separate out the unnecessary work. He is actually looking forward to seeing Madara's reaction once he realizes it. Tobirama enjoys watching his twin play harmless pranks, it always makes him laugh, even if it’s silently to himself. He’s sure Hashirama does it partially for his benefit.
Madara is staring up at him in awe. “Thank you, I wasn't sure if I would even be able to leave today with all this work.”
"Of course, Madara-sama,” Tobirama responds and then begins sorting the work in front of him. He is quickly able to sort out the items from Hashirama, they are easily recognizable by his brother's signature at the bottom.
Madara leans back in his chair, just watching Tobirama work; he wishes he could take off the man’s mask and look at his face again. Maybe with the sharingan this time, so he can memorize it forever. If it weren’t for the fact that it would be so wildly inappropriate, he would just lean forward and pull that mask off Tobirma’s face.
He wonders if it would make Tobirama blush; with such pale skin, it would stain such a pretty red. Madara keeps staring at his bodyguard, wishing he weren’t so covered so he could see what he really looks like.
“Is there something you need Madara-sama?" Tobirama asks, tilting his head up to address Madara.
Madara feels heat run from his face down to his chest. He cannot believe he’s just been sitting here staring for so long that Tobirama noticed. "I…..uh, I'm just….. impressed with how fast you work?”
Sage’s beard, he’s an idiot. He is so glad he can’t see Tobirama’s face right now. He can feel the judgement; he doesn't need to see it too.
“Right, well, if Madara-sama doesn't mind, this one will take this pile to that table over there and sort it for you to look over later." Then, indicating a pile to the left side of him, “This pile is ready for Madara-sama to go over now. This one will be here for another hour before returning to duty."
Madara nods, his face still redder than the tomatoes Asakou-basan used to grow, before turning to the indicated pile and getting straight to work.
Tobirama isn’t sure what exactly Madara’s deal is, but he isn’t interested in figuring it out right now. He is certain he will eventually end up finding out whether he wants to or not.
Kawarama is still stretching when Izuna finally shows up for their weekly spar. He’d thought they might need to put them on hold for a few weeks while the transfer of power within the clan was settling, but Izuna insisted it would be fine.
“How are you enjoying your first day as clan head?" Kawarama doesn’t wish ill on Izuna by any means, but he’s kind of hoping it is as difficult for Izuna as it was for him when he took over, with the elders suddenly on his case about everything.
"Not bad, actually; Aniki made sure all the backlogged work was done, so I'm starting with a fresh slate. We met with the elders earlier this week and so everything has been settled with them. Today, I had a little bit of paperwork and a few complaints that were easily handled, but otherwise, it was a nice day.” Izuna says this with a proud smile. He’s been stressing about this for the last two months, and so far, it isn’t nearly as bad as he’d worried it would be. All the meetings with the clan and elders had been handled long before the transition and it all clicked into place smoothly.
"I'm glad to hear it,” he says, though he really isn’t, "the usual today? Kenjutsu and taijutsu?”
“Sounds good to me," Izuna smoothly draws his katana from his hip and gets into his ready stance.
Kawarama also drops into his ready stance and pulls his nodachi from his back. He wishes Tobi-nii would make more time to spar with him. Despite all the cool jutsu Tobi-nii would gift him during wartime, what he misses the most is learning from him. Tobi-nii is the one who taught him how to wield a sword, after all. It’s also why Kawarama prefers a nodachi, just like Tobi-nii. That’s why it’s imperative for Kawarama to find out how much information Madara-sama has leaked about his clandestine Aniki. If Tobi-nii wants to remain hidden, Kawarama will need to keep tabs on the rumor mill. And Izuna is the hub of that rumor mill, so if he knows something, it’s going to be all over Konoha within days if not hours.
The two of them exchange strikes and parries, neither really making any notable headway against the other—they’ve always been well matched—when Kawarama decides to tease Izuna, just a little, both to fish for information, and because it’s been so easy a transition of power for him. "Too bad we decided against ninjutsu today. Remember the gift I gave you for your sixteenth birthday? You made such a lovely girl; I wonder what you’d look like as a grown woman.”
“Don't you dare think about using that abomination again! I didn't need to know how much Kurohime and I really look alike, she still asks me if I want to borrow her clothes. Not to mention Madara asked if he was going to have to arrange a bride price for me! Those three days were the worst in my life! I would rather you had just run me through!" Izuna is fuming; he swears if Kawarama dares use that jutsu against him again, he is going to shave the other man bald and find a way to dye all his clothing the brightest, ugliest orange. Now that he’s clan head, he definitely can’t be caught maiming another Shinobi in the village.
“Oh sage, that's hilarious! I can't believe that in all these years, I've never heard about that!" Kawarama has to actually stop fighting, planting his sword into the ground to hold him up while he doubles over from laughing so hard.
Izuna finds the whole thing far less funny. “Where did you even find a jutsu like that anyway?" Seriously though, what would the point of a jutsu like that even be?
Kawarama huffs the words between giggles, “My older brother created it for me."
"Hashirama? I didn’t know Hashirama-san made his own jutsu. To be honest, I wouldn't have thought Hashirama had the attention span needed to do it,” Izuna responds dubiously.
"No, my other older brother.” It takes every ounce of Kawarama's willpower not to make any sort of facial expression.
“What? What do you mean? Did you have a brother that died you all never mentioned?" Izuna is a little horrified at the thought. Hashirama and Madara had said many times about having the village to keep their family safe so they didn't have to lose anyone. Did they, though? Who did it? There was no way the Uchiha did it, and no one took credit.
“No, of course not! He's fine,” Kawarama just waves Izuna off like they weren't talking about world-altering things right now.
"This makes no sense. Where is he then?”
“Oh, he's around; you just never see him. He’s not a people person."
Izuna is annoyed now. Clearly, Kawarama is just having him on. "Okay, sure, your invisible brother created a jutsu for you. If you don't want to tell me, just say that. Why bother creating a fake brother?” It was honestly a stupid and childish prank. Almost as bad as two weeks ago when Kawarama tricked him into setting off a seal tag full of nut butter then set his rabidly energetic chipmunk and squirrel summons on him. It had taken three too many washes to get all the goop out of his hair, and his clothes were unsalvageable and he’d needed to burn them. At least all the oils from the nuts left his hair incredibly smooth and shiny for the next several days.
"I do have another brother, but fine, believe what you want. I have to put my name on the mission roster again. Let me know if we need to change our sparring times as clan duties increase.”
“You're so annoying. I don't even understand your pranks sometimes. But I'll let you know if things change. Enjoy going on missions again!"
They both leave, heading in opposite directions towards their own compounds. But Izuna can't stop himself from wondering what the point of that joke was. He can't actually have another brother…right?
Oh no…Why, Kawarama, why…!? This is going to haunt him until he actually finds out, isn’t it?