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“So, Chris had any more hot dates this weekend?” Buck teases as they change out of their uniforms at the end of the shift.
“Nah. He’s now suddenly interested in aviation after we went to that museum on Saturday. We ended up at Tommy’s the next day so he could pester the poor guy about his model collection.”
“Oh? You went to Tommy’s?” Buck thinks he somehow manages to sound casual, since Eddie doesn’t seem to notice anything off about his tone, all the while his friend’s words hit him like a ton of bricks.
You see, Buck’s been dating Tommy for a little while now, long enough to feel comfortable in the relationship.Things are great between them, amazing even, or so he thought. He’s not so sure anymore because he is suddenly faced with a realisation that kind of threw him off big time. And maybe even made him want ro cry a little.
Tommy never, ever invited Buck to his house. His own boyfriend. And apparently Eddie is allowed to just drop by whenever.
What the fuck?
He realises his friend is still talking to him so he tunes back in. He can have his little crisis when he gets home.
“…wouldn’t get up, so then we got distracted in the garage and when we came back he’s out cold. Can’t blame him though, that couch is really something, I need to ask Tommy where he got it from.”
“Oh yeah, I love that couch.” He lies through his teeth because what else is he supposed to say? That he’s never actually been at Tommy’s? That his boyfriend of two months never invited him over?
They always come back to the loft or meet up in town. It never really registered before this moment either. Now that he thinks about it both Howie and Maddie also mentioned they’ve been there once, and together with Jee as well!
He thinks about it on his ride home, he thinks about it when he’s heating up late lunch for himself, and he can’t stop thinking about it as he’s pushing pieces of food around his plate, too distracted to actually put it in his mouth.
Eddie and Chris, Maddie with Chimney AND Jee, he’s also 90% sure Hen also mentioned something about being at Tommy’s one time.
This is weird, right? Tommy having all these people over but not his boyfriend?
Yeah, okay, Buck never asked nor thought about just showing up, but to his defence he was too caught up in Tommy himself for it to cross his mind. If not for Eddie’s comment today he’d probably still live in blissful ignorance.
It all made him equally sad and angry. What was Tommy playing at?
Was Tommy ashamed of his place? He did make that one comment about his loft when he came over for the first time that fateful evening. No, it can’t be that. Everyone seems to be really impressed with the house and his garage set up.
Is he a slob or something?
Are his neighbours homophobic?
None of it rings true, if he has to be honest.
The only conclusion that somewhat makes sense here is that Tommy doesn’t want Buck anywhere around his home, his safe haven, because he doesn’t feel comfortable around him, doesn’t trust him for some reason to fully let him in, and it makes Buck want to cry.
He honestly thought they had something special going on with Tommy. He felt different from any past relationship Buck’s ever had. More and better and just right. Was it all one sided the whole time? Did Buck hype it up in his head and projected his own feelings on Tommy?
Or maybe he’s just spiralling for nothing? He tends to do that. Maybe it’s just a coincidence that Buck never ended up at Tommy’s? His house is a bit out of the way to be honest and it’s just more convenient to stay at the loft or meet downtown. Maybe Buck is making a problem out of nothing like he tends to sometimes?
“Argh!” He runs his hands through his curls in frustration. There are too many thoughts running through his head at the same time and he’s still no closer to figuring it all out than five hours ago.
There is a knock on his door some time later and it kind of takes him by surprise. He completely lost track of time and he knows it’s Tommy on the other side but Buck still hasn’t decided what to feel or what to do about today’s revelation. Damn it.
What does he do? Confront Tommy? Play it cool? Try to subtly prod and poke in hope to find clues?
In the end he just quietly sulks all evening and becomes more and more irritated inside at how normal Tommy is acting. Like nothing is going on, like it doesn’t bother him that Buck has never been to his house.
“Evan, what’s going on? You’ve been awfully quiet today.”
“Oh nothing, just, you know, talked to Eddie today and he told me they dropped by with Chris. At your house. The one I’ve never been to. No biggie.”
Okay, so there goes trying not to be bitchy about the whole situation. Come on, though, he deserves to be a bit pissy about it, right?
Tommy looks like a deer caught in headlights which only confirms that it’s not just in Buck’s head. For some unknown reason his boyfriend doesn’t want him at his house and it fucking hurts.
“Evan…”
“It’s just, everyone talks to me about your models and interior design and the backyard as if I’ve seen it too, and I haven’t, I don’t understand, Tommy.”
“Shit, okay, you’re absolutely right and that’s all on me. I was kinda delaying the inevitable, I guess.”
“What does it mean?”
“You see, whenever someone drops by they just stick to the common areas. None of them have seen my bedroom.”
“Okay?” Buck has to admit he’s even more confused now.
“It’s just, people are judgemental, you know? I guess I’ve just been conditioned to hide a certain part of myself and maybe am a little afraid you’d change your opinion of me?”
“I honestly have no clue what you’re talking about, Tommy.”
“Let’s say that some of my interests may be, and have been considered unbecoming of a man my age.”
Okay, Buck is starting to see a picture here, he thinks. There is something Tommy is passionate about, and is for some reason convinced it’s something to be ashamed of. He briefly gets a little angry that Tommy had the audacity to assume Buck is as bad as those buttholes who judged him but he quickly deflates as soon as he sees the expression on his boyfriend’s face.
Tommy’s eyes are glued to where he’s meticulously peeling the beer label off the bottle. It’s clear he feels bad and is probably blaming himself for this mess of a miscommunication.
“Do you have some sort of a sex dungeon there? You know I’d be okay with that.” He jokingly leers, trying to lighten up the mood.
It must’ve worked because Tommy lets out an amused huff and finally meets Buck’s eyes.
“No. It’s just… you know what? Just come over and see for yourself. How does that sound?”
Yes. Finally!
“Sounds great.”
***
“I’m really sorry I made you feel excluded.” Tommy says as they pull up to his driveway.
“It’s okay. We’re here now.” Buck means it with his whole heart. Seems like both of them spiralled a little there but as always managed to resolve everything with some healthy communication and lots of kisses.
Buck tries to act cool, conceal his excitement a bit as he steps out of the car and into Tommy’s front yard, but judging by his boyfriend’s amused smile he’s not successful.
The house is cute, there is no other word to describe it! It’s yellow with a dark green roof and white door. There are flower beds in front of the front porch and to the left he can see the famous garage that’s almost the same size as the house itself.
The interior matches the vibe, it’s warm and homey, liberally decorated but not cluttered. He catches the glimpse of the plane models everyone gushed about, and the couch Eddie mentioned, he has to admit it looks very comfortable indeed.
“Shall we rip the bandaid off first? You’ll have plenty of time to explore later.”
“Lead the way.” Oh he’ll be snooping around later for sure. Every nook and cranny. He has to make up for the lost time.
“Come on in.” Tommy opens what must be his bedroom door and motions Buck to go in first.
At first he doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. It looks like a regular bedroom, a really nice one actually. Queen bed in the centre, covered in some nice, patterned bedding, a couple of nightstands on each side, floor length curtains. Everything is tastefully decorated in matching shades of earthy colours. There are two framed posters of some guys right next to the walk-in closet, he’ll have to take a closer look later, some plants on the windowsill, a couple of narrow dressers with nick knacks and photo frames on top, he’ll have to inspect these later too.
Then his eyes fall on a set of shelves framing a flatscreen tv mounted to the wall opposite the bed. They’re full of what seems to be cds and dvds, some books and folders too. He can feel Tommy tense up next to him. Huh. Is this what his boyfriend wanted to hide from him?
It’s just… music stuff? Plus some kind of lollipop shaped things (wands?) neatly arranged in a straight row in a middle part of the unit, like a centrepiece. They look kind of familiar but he can’t put his finger on it.
“What am I looking at?”
“These are called lightsticks.” Tommy says. He’s visibly nervous, hands shoved deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched and my god, the look in his eyes. As if he was expecting some sort of divine judgement.
Lightsticks. Where did he hear this word?
Oh. OH! Mara!
“It’s a k-pop thing!” He exclaimis excitedly, damn proud of himself for connecting the dots.
“Yeah.”
“Wait, is that what you were so self conscious about? K-pop?” Tommy’s shrug is answer enough. Buck feels a jolt of anger piercing through his chest. What piece of shit made this sweet, kind man be ashamed of enjoying music!? “Come here, baby.” He reaches out and pulls his boyfriend into a hug. Tommy falls into his arms as if someone cut the strings that were holding him up. “And here I thought that you didn’t want me in your space.”
“Evan, don’t be ridiculous, I always want you in my space.”
“Always, eh? Be careful what you wish for.”
Buck lets Tommy go and turns back to the k-pop wall. It’s actually so cool. You can see Tommy put a lot of effort into displaying his collection. It’s probably organised by bands and in chronological order, his inner Clipboard Buck wholeheartedly approves.
“I’m not even exaggerating.”
“Cute.” He gives Tommy a short peck on the lips for being so sweet. “You know, I should probably be offended that you thought I’d judge you for something like this.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m guessing someone in the past shamed you for this?”
“I’m a middle aged man, Evan, most people don’t think it’s appropriate for someone like me to fanboy over Korean idols.”
“Fuck that. And fuck these people! Have you forgotten our motto already?”
“Who cares.” Tommy chuckles and fondly shakes his head.
“Exactly! Who cares!? It’s something that brings you joy and it's all that matters!”
“You’re absolutely right, and logically I know that, but…”
“But people are assholes, I get it, like I said, fuck them! They probably wouldn't recognise joy if it slapped them in the face.”
“Too true.”
“I hope you realise that I intend to come over all the time now.”
“Anytime, baby.”
“We have so many surfaces to christen.”
“Evan!” Tommy is full on laughing now, the tension in his shoulders completely gone. Good.
“And you’ll have to show me all your favourite bands.”
“Yeah?”
“Can’t wait.”
***
One morning, a few weeks later, Buck pulls a sleepy and confused Tommy into the living room and sits him down in front of two opened laptops and a tablet.
“Baby, what’s going on?”
“We’re hunting for tickets.”
“Tickets?”
“Yup. Got myself signed up for a pre-sale but I heard you have to be fast. So we need all hands on deck!”
“What tickets?”
“Stray Kids? They’re touring the US next year!”
“Evan.”
“What? You said you’ve never seen anyone live cause you didn’t want to go alone, so let me take you to a concert! We could take Mara too! We’d be her favourite uncles in the world! I already spoke to Hen and Karen and they’re okay with the idea.”
“Evan…”
“Wait, we probably need two more lightsticks. How do you even get them? You’ll have to help me out with that.” Buck knows he’s babbling but he’s a little nervous, okay? Is he overstepping? Is he being too much? Too pushy?
Suddenly Tommy is right in front of him and he’s being kissed so thoroughly his leg pop up like in a fucking romantic comedy or some shit.
“You’re something else, Evan.” Tommy whispers against his lips when they part.
“Good something else?”
“The best.”
They just stand there looking at each other dopily and Buck would probably stay in his boyfriend’s arms for a bit longer if not for his phone alarm going off. They have five minutes until the pre-sale link is being sent out.
“Okay chop, chop, we have tickets to secure.”
“Aye aye captain.”
They manage to get three decent seats for the LA event and can’t wait to break the news to Mara next time they see her!