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penitence

Summary:

Penitence (noun) - a feeling of regret or remorse for doing wrong or sinning.

In Sodia's eyes, Yuri Lowell was the worst kind of scum: the kind that used his friendship to get what he wanted without ever giving anything in return. She didn't understand why a man as intelligent and honorable as Flynn would let him do that. If only Yuri Lowell didn't exist...

(A look at Sodia's mind during, before and after Zaude)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

To Sodia, Yuri Lowell's very existence was a blemish. From the moment she met him... No, even before she laid eyes on him, she'd decided she hated him.

The reason was simple: Flynn Scifo, her superior, was the shining star of everything a knight should be. Strong, brave, thoughtful, honorable, kind, and steadfast. But Captain Flynn had just one dark mark holding him back: Yuri Lowell, his childhood friend.

Other knights would come to Flynn to complain about Yuri Lowell's latest mayhem, whether it was just disrespecting the knights, disturbing the order, or outright crimes. And Flynn listened to the complaints patiently and smiled apologetically as he gave excuses, apologies, or explanations to Yuri's actions.

It made Sodia's blood boil, watching him. How dare that Yuri Lowell make Flynn do this!

That anger then simmered for a long period of time, until the day it finally boils over.

At the top of Zaude, Sodia watches Captain Flynn tackle Yuri Lowell out of the way of an attack aimed at him, and get knocked over from the force of it.

"Captain!" Sodia shouts, already taking off running to make sure he's okay.

Yuri Lowell, however? He catches his footing, then immediately runs towards Commandant Alexei without a single glance back.

He didn't even look at Flynn. He didn't even check to see if Flynn was okay after being shot. As if Flynn taking a shot for him was natural and expected.

He didn't even look at him.

-----

"Sir Flynn!"

Flynn turned to face Sodia as she ran to his side.

"Is it true you called in a favor? For this?!" she asked, slightly out of breath.

"Ah, you heard?" Flynn smiled. "That's right. Captain Schwann had told me he owes me one after I helped him out last month, so I simply asked if I could use it here."

"But... on shortening Yuri Lowell's sentence?" Sodia asked, indignant. "He threw a knight into the river! All because he was collecting taxes!"

"I know he understands what he did wrong after two days in jail. It wouldn't do anyone any good to keep him there for longer. Rather than wasting away in jail, it'd be more productive for him to help the people of lower quarter gather money for taxes," Flynn explained.

"...If you say so, Sir," Sodia said. It sounded like excuses to her. "Is there any guarantee he'll actually do that?"

"He will. I'm sure of it."

And Flynn smiled and kept walking, and Sodia stayed behind, watching him go, feelings of frustration inside her. Why did Sir Flynn have such a blind spot for Yuri Lowell specifically?

Later that day, she happened to glance out of the window and see Yuri and Flynn outside the castle. She stopped to watch, keeping mostly hidden. Flynn's back was to her, but Yuri's face was visible. He had an infuriating smile and a casual stance, as if he hadn't just been freed from jail moments before.

Flynn said something Sodia couldn't quite catch, and Yuri smirked in response.

"How about making it faster next time? I thought I'd die of boredom down there," Yuri said.

Flynn chuckled, then said something.

"Yeah, I know. Well, see you around," Yuri said, then turned around with a lazy wave, walking off. Flynn waved back, before turning back to the castle, a small smile on his lips.

Sodia grit her teeth, watching that happen. That scum of a man... Did he think Sir Flynn was his personal servant?! There was absolutely no way he learned anything from his short prison stay! He had no regrets, no shame, and no sense of gratitude!! Sir Flynn would be better off without him!

If only he didn't exist... If only he didn't exist!!

-----

If only he didn't exist.

That's right... Yuri Lowell... his existence is a problem that has to be fixed. For Captain Flynn's sake... To save Captain Flynn from this scum that only abuses his trust in him!

When she sees Yuri Lowell with his back turned to her, attention drawn away by the thing in the sky, completely off-guard, her knife is in her hand before she knows it. Masking her approach in the dust clouds instinctively, she rushes forward.

Yuri Lowell turns.

"Flynn?"

The word that passed through Yuri Lowell's lips doesn't even register until her knife's pierced flesh. Then Sodia's eyes widen.

He thought it was Flynn. He heard a knight's armored footsteps run towards him and expected to see Flynn.

That realization wedges itself in Sodia's brain as she watches Yuri Lowell's eyes cloud over.

They're friends... They're childhood friends.

Sodia's knife clatters to the ground.

They're friends, despite everything they're friends, and she just...!

Yuri staggers, and like in slow motion, tips backwards.

Sodia could reach out... she could grab him, haul him up. But her hands are shaking, and she brings them to her face, tries to will them into following orders.

Yuri disappears over the edge.

Sodia's knife slides to follow him. Numbly, Sodia realizes the feeling of the ground tilting underneath her isn't just in her head. Her knees hit the ground, and she stares ahead at the edge.

"Sodia!" Flynn's voice catches her out of her stupor and she turns to see Flynn running towards her, eyes searching something. He kneels next to her, hand on her shoulderplate. "Are you all right?" he asks, even as his eyes flit from her to scanning the surroundings. She's not the one he wants to find.

"Yu... Yuri Lowell..." Sodia manages out, her voice breathy.

"What happened to Yuri?!"

Sodia turns to look at the edge, and Flynn follows her gaze and gasps before scrambling to look over the edge, peering down with his arms supporting him.

He doesn't say anything. He exhales shakily, drawing back, and swallows.

Sodia is frozen on the spot.

He saw his corpse. Sodia is sure of it. He saw Yuri Lowell's corpse with Sodia's bloodied dagger lying there, and he'll look at Sodia with hatred in his eyes and call for her to be arrested.

But Flynn merely sits there, then slowly stands up as he hears footsteps, light and heeled, approaching.

"Flynn! Where's Yuri?!" Princess Estellise asks, running past Sodia to Flynn.

"It... seems he fell," Flynn tells her, and the Princess gasps, her hands flying to her mouth.

"Yuri... fell?" she repeats quietly in horrified disbelief.

"What do you mean he fell?! That idiot!" the mage, Mordio, demands as she makes her appearance.

The rest of Yuri's entourage trickles in as the word spreads, nobody paying any mind to Sodia.

"Yuri's okay, right? He's got to be!" the young boy demands.

"I'm sure he is. He wouldn't die that easily," Flynn tells him, offering an encouraging smile.

"Aye, he's a stubborn lad," the young blonde girl says.

They're all talking like they're trying to convince each other and themselves, Sodia realizes as she sees the little girl's hands shake behind her back.

"Let's all get down from here and see if we can find him," the scruffy man resembling Captain Schwann says. "Judith dear, can Ba'ul get us down from here?"

"Hm, let me ask," the kritya replies, putting something to her ear.

"Sodia?"

Sodia flinches slightly, but it's only Witcher, crouched by her. When had he arrived?

"Yes?"

"Did you get injured?"

"I... I'm fine," Sodia says, then pushes herself up on shaky legs. She looks around.

Nobody else is paying attention to her. They're all caught up on conversations, examining their surroundings, looking over the edge... Nobody's realized what Sodia did.

Nobody's realized that Sodia may have killed their friend.

Why didn't they realize? Why didn't they ask her? Why didn't they demand to know what happened to Yuri, why didn't they suspect her?

"Captain," Witcher addresses Flynn as the Captain heads over to them, looking pale. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yes. I just..." Flynn runs his hand through his hair, looking distressed. He glances at the others, then lowers his voice. "Don't tell the others. The truth is... I saw a splotch of red down below, stuck to the cliffside Yuri fell down from..."

Sodia sucks in a sharp breath. This is it. Captain Flynn realized it.

"I... I fear Yuri may have hit his head as he was falling. Even if he survived the fall, he... he may have..." Flynn's voice shakes.

"Ca-captain, stay strong," Sodia finds herself saying. "You can't look this obviously upset, or you'll lower morale..."

What was she saying? This was all her fault. Trying to keep the Captain's spirits up at a time like this...

"Sodia's right," Witcher says. "You always tell us Yuri won't go down that easily. You should believe in your friend like you always do!"

"...You're right," Flynn says, a slight smile appearing on his lips. "I need to help keep everyone's spirits up. Yuri would do the same thing."

He may as well have stabbed Sodia in the stomach the way she did to Yuri, and it would've hurt about the same.

"Yuri would do the same thing, huh..." Sodia repeats to herself as Flynn walks away to start a search for a way down.

Yuri Lowell, who helped keep his friends' spirits up. Yuri Lowell, who was a stubborn idiot. Yuri Lowell, who threw a man in a river. Yuri Lowell, who Flynn trusted to look after Princess Estellise.

Yuri Lowell, the person Sodia killed.

Somebody... Somebody, please notice the guilt radiating off Sodia. Somebody please judge her sins and punish her for them. Please, anyone...

-----

It takes two weeks.

Two weeks of watching helplessly as Flynn tirelessly searches every corner of the sea around Zaude in hopes of finding Yuri, growing more and more worn down and desperate.

Sodia wants to confess. She wants to tell Flynn she's the one who did it, that she stabbed him and made him fall off the edge. But her voice just won't obey her.

The thought of Flynn's sorrow turning into despair and anger is fear and salvation mixed, and Sodia can't... She just can't see him like that... She can't be the one to tell him Yuri Lowell is dead.

Sodia lives slowly corroding in the toxic sludge of anguish she deserves for two weeks, until a letter from Princess Estellise arrives for Flynn. When he opens and reads it, his face lights up in disbelief and relief, and he laughs, tension draining out of him.

"He's alive...!" Flynn says, waving the letter to Sodia and Witcher. "Yuri was found alive!"

It's a relief to Sodia too, but her body freezes up.

Yuri... he must've told his friends who the culprit was already. Princess Estellise must've written it down on her letter, ordered Flynn to have Sodia arrested and imprisoned for her sins against the Princess' friend.

"Congratulations, Captain!" Witcher says. "How is he?"

"He's fine. So fine he's already started travelling with his friends like he was never hurt in the first place. That's just like him," Flynn muses, looking at the letter with a smile. "I'd better not disappoint him. We'd better get to work!"

"No, you'd better get to sleep, Captain," Witcher tells him. "You've barely slept in two weeks!"

"Ah, you're right... Sodia?"

"Y-yes?!" Sodia asks, spine going straight. This is it. She was caught.

"I'll leave the command for you while I get some rest."

"...Yes, Captain," Sodia says, saluting.

Flynn heads to his cabin, while Sodia was left unbalanced.

...Yuri Lowell is alive. She hadn't killed him. And now, he'll tell everyone the truth of what happened that day, and Sodia's sin will come to light... and she will face justice.

She will accept it head-on, when that day comes. But right now, she has her work to do. Until the day she faces retribution, until Yuri Lowell gets his revenge, she'll aid Captain Flynn to the best of her ability if it's the last thing she ever does.

Notes:

Bonus:

Sodia: Yuri Lowell, we finally meet again
Yuri: *wearing an eyepatch*
Sodia: oh shit oh fuck he's lost his eye it's all my fault
Yuri: *flips his eyepatch up to reveal a perfectly intact eye, smirks* Oh, this? New accessory I just synthesized, you like it?
Sodia: ...oh right I fucking hate Yuri Lowell