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Roasted: A Christmas Special

Summary:

Astarion accompanies Gale to a reading of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What he doesn’t know is there are Christmas costumes involved and he is not very happy about it. He wants payback in the only way he can give.

Notes:

I’ve been wanting to write this since September and now here we are. Tis the season!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Astarion lounged across the couch with his feet propped up on one of the arms, mindlessly flicking through a magazine. His day off was rather boring. All of the decorations were hung and presents were wrapped. Christmas was only a week away and in his excitement, he had finished every holiday tradition he could think of and was left waiting for the big day. 

He couldn’t entertain himself with Gale since the author had volunteered for a reading of How the Grinch Stole Christmas at Grove’s Booksellers. 

He let out a long sigh. He supposed he could watch reruns all day or take a nap.

“I need an expert opinion,” Astarion heard Gale say behind him. “How do I look?”

Astarion pushed up and turned towards his partner. He let out a giggle as the author spun with outstretched arms. He rose from the couch and made his way over to Gale, running his hands down the white fur of the garish red Santa suit.

“I believe Santa has a few more pounds in his midsection than you, darling,” Astarion teased.

“If we continue to indulge in Christmas cookies like we have been for the past two weeks, I think I’ll fill out this outfit in no time.”

Astarion’s finger lifted and brushed against Gale’s beard. It was no longer brown, but snow white. Some of the substance rubbed off and the barista’s lip curled at it.

“And what is this awful stuff that has ruined that magnificent beard of yours?”

“Hair wax,” Gale answered. “I found it at the drug store. Much better than the itchy fake beard.”

“Hm, well, I’ll gladly help you wash it out when you return.” Astarion pecked Gale’s cheek and starting back towards the couch. “Have fun, my dear. Don’t let a child bite you.”

“Ah, yes, about the reading…” Gale trailed off. Astarion looked back at him. He was standing there, twirling his thumbs with wide, pleading eyes. Astarion groaned and slumped across the back of the couch. 

“Spit it out. I can see you wanting to ask something with those big, brown puppy dog eyes of yours.”

“Well, you see, my love…Rolan was supposed to join me, but he’s come down with a terrible cold,” Gale told him. Astarion raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t suppose you could accompany me, could you? I only need help passing out candy canes towards the end after the children tell me what they want for Christmas.”

Astarion weighed his options. He could sit inside, binge junk food, nap for three hours, and then take a shower until the hot water ran cold, or he could go with Gale and deal with… children for an hour. The former was clearly the better of the two situations, but he made the mistake of glancing at Gale again and immediately giving in.

“Candy canes? That’s all?” Astarion asked.

“That is it. I’ll do the rest,” Gale assured him with a grin.

Astarion shrugged. How bad could it be?

 

~

 

“I look like a fucking idiot,” Astarion grumbled, crossing his arms and causing the tiny bells along the hems of his wrists to jingle.

Little ears, my love,” Gale said through a tight smile as he waved to the children entering the bookstore. “Be mindful of your words.”

Astarion stuck his tongue out and turned his head away. The little bell on the end of his flopping red and green hat swung around and smacked him in the cheek. He stomped his foot and that damn jingling went along with it. 

Fuck, I can’t even pout properly in this damn thing!

Astarion had leapt off the couch to change into something more appropriate than a pair of sweats and a grey tee, but Gale had stopped him. He informed him that he had an outfit set aside for Rolan to wear, but since he no longer could make it, Astarion could wear it instead. They were of similar size so there was no question it would fit. what Astarion hadn’t expected it to be was the ugliest elf costume he had ever seen.

It was bright green with red, pointed trim around the neckline and the long sleeves. The pants ended just below the knee to show off the red and white striped socks that ran the length of his calves. The shoes were the same awful shade as he rest of the outfit, curling up at the toes with a single bell on each foot. The hat sat atop his white curls and flopped over, jingle jangling in the most annoying way as he moved. Each time it swayed, the faux pointed ears he wore nearly fell off. 

Not to mention it was terribly made. The fabric had him scratching at every inch of his body. The least Gale could have done was look into something that was 100% cotton.

The next hour and a half went by as well as Astarion imagined it would. He thought he would go mad if he heard one more silly rhyme leave Gale’s lips and the children…If he could string each and every one of them up like Christmas lights, he would. One was coughing, one was crying, several couldn’t sit still. Not to mention every single one of them got a chance to occupy Gale’s lap, the very place Astarion could be sitting if he weren’t in this dreadful situation.

The barista caught the eye of the last child, sneering as he stood beside Gale and gripping a candy cane a little too tight. The child whispered into Gale’s ear and he let out his best Santa laugh. 

“A wonderful thing to wish for, my dear child. We’ll see what the elves can do, won’t we, Jingles?”

Astarion flicked the candy cane between his fingers, impressed by his own dexterity.

“Jingles?” Gale asked. When he was ignored, he leaned over. “Astarion,” he whispered, nodding his head toward the child.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Here you go.” Astarion lazily handed over the candy cane. The child stared at him and then he watched as their face scrunched up and they let out a sneeze onto his torso, wiping the back of their hand across their nose and then skipping away.

“That’s it!” Astarion shouted, taking off his hat and tossing it to the ground, one sad chime from the bell as it landed. “I’m done being an elf!”

Gale pushed from his chair and went to his partner. His gaze was sympathetic. One hand came up to rest on Astarion’s arm.

“I understand it was a lot, but thank you, my love.”

“Mhm,” Astarion grumbled.

“Oh, don’t be such a Grinch.” Gale chuckled at his own joke. “I think we’ve really helped bring a little Christmas spirit to this place…Jingles.”

Astarion’s face twisted at the wretched nickname Gale had bestowed upon him when a little girl had asked what his “helper’s” name was. Ever the damn saint he was, Gale played along and Astarion was now forever known to the children as Jingles the Jolly Elf.

“Ugh, whatever. Can we go now? I want to change out of this damned costume before I scratch my skin clean off.”

“Just after I speak to Lia,” Gale answered before heading towards the counter. Astarion stood, rocking on his heels as he waited. A couple of minutes later, Gale returned, puzzled. “Seems she’s stepped out for a moment. You wouldn’t mind waiting, would you?”

Fine.” Astarion rolled his eyes.

The barista looked around. After the reading, the bookstore had completely cleared out. All was quiet other than the sounds of his breathing and Gale’s humming as he walked down a line of shelves. A slow, devious smile grew across the silver haired man’s face. Astarion got an idea. An awful idea. Astarion got a wonderful, awful idea.

Without a second thought, Astarion went to Gale and pulled him by the fur of his coat. He meandered through rows and rows of books, bells ringing with every step. He ignored them. He was a man on a mission and couldn’t be stopped. 

They came to a halt near the back of the store, a dark corner that held self-help books. No one would be coming back there anytime soon considering the layer of untouched dust that covered them. He shoved Gale against the shelf by the collar.

“Wh-What are you d-doing?” Gale stuttered, wide eyed. 

“You said we brought Christmas spirit to this ho-hum shop.” Astarion leaned into Gale’s ear, flicking his tongue just under his ear, and then whispered. “Let’s add a little more. What do you say, darling?”

“Is this appropriate? What if Lia-”

“Then we’ll give her quite the show.”

Before Gale could speak another word, Astarion’s lips were on his. He pressed roughly into the author, fisting the red jacket and not having a care in the world about the white hair wax rubbing onto his face. 

Gale’s hands wound around Astarion, one finding purchase on his lower back while the other tangled into tousled curls. Astarion brought his leg up and gently pressed his knee into Gale’s groin. He heard the man groan against his mouth and could feel the hardness that already began to form. 

Astarion let Gale grind against him. The sounds of his pleading whimpers were so sweet to the barista’s faux pointed ears. When he pulled away, Gale did the same. He let out panting breaths. Disappointed was brimming in those beautiful brown eyes.

“Is something wrong?” The author asked.

“Oh, no, my dear,” Astarion said, pushing himself further into Gale’s groin and letting his own erection be felt through his elven trousers. “This is just the beginning. A little payback for having me wear this abominable outfit. I want you begging for me.”

Once again, Gale’s words were cut off by a hand thrusted into his pants. Astarion wrapped his hand around the hardened length and stroked lazily at first. He could feel himself straining against his own boxer briefs, but he would have his fill soon enough. First, he wanted Gale to become a simpering mess.

Astarion’s pace quickened. Gale involuntarily thrusted, seeking his release. By the sweat along his brow and the way he sought out his partner’s lips, Astarion knew he was close. Just as he muttered how close he was, Astarion let go. Gale slumped against the book shelf with a defeated face.

“I’m going to have another asthma attack because of you,” he said between breaths.

“I knew I always took your breath away,” Astarion smirked.

Gale gave a grin that shifted into shock as his costume’s pants were yanked down to let his cock spring free. Astarion kicked off his shoes and knelt to the floor. He let his hands slowly wander up Gale’s thighs, his hips, and kneading ever so slightly into the softness of his belly before taking in the author’s length. Gale’s head fell back with a thump. 

Astarion’s head bobbed up and down. Fingers dug into the back of his neck and spit began to dribble down the side of his mouth. He let three fingers come up and swipe at the drool, rubbing it around in circles. He then brought them between Gale’s relaxed legs and seek out the puckered hole.

Astarion,” Gale moaned when one finger started to tease on the outside.

Astarion couldn’t help his devilish smile that crept up around Gale’s length. He let the first finger slip in. Gale cursed and Astarion felt his own cock jump in excitement. Precum was already dribbling at the front of his boxer briefs, but good things came to those who waited.

Another finger entered and he thought Gale was done for in that moment. He pulled his mouth off of Gale, a thin line of spit connecting him to the author, and focused on the main attraction. His fingers scissored inside, opening his partner for him.

“Will you end this torture?” Gale’s voice was nearly a whine.

“Surely you can take one more. Then, I’ll give you what you want,” Astarion answered. 

With that, the third finger slid in and Gale was on the verge of collapsing. His teeth chewed into his lip to stave off his impending orgasm. Astarion knew his toes were curling in those charcoal black boots of his and he was delighted by it.

“Please,” Gale pleaded.

“Hm?” 

“I said please.”

“Sorry, darling. I didn’t quite catch that between all the moans.” If Santa did exist, Astarion was sure he would be on the naughty list. 

“God, fuck me, Astarion.”

Astarion slowly pulled his fingers from Gale, leaving him ready and wanting, and stood, clucking his tongue with a shake of his head.

“Need to I remind you to be mindful of your words?” Astarion asked, repeating Gale’s words from earlier. 

He shoved his trousers down. The slit of his length was leaking. He took Gale’s white gloved hand in his and tugged each fingertip until the glove was lose before biting the middle finger and pulling it off. It fell to the ground between them like some form of a peace offering. Gale would finally get what he wants. 

Astarion face Gale’s hand up and as he stared directly into his eyes, he spit into the author’s hand and brought it down to grip him. 

Gale needed no further instruction. Spitting also, he let his hand thoroughly coat the throbbing cock he was waiting for until it was slick. 

Astarion hooked one arm underneath Gale’s leg and lifted it, surprised at just how flexible the author was but still hearing that distinctive crack of his knee. The barista line himself up with Gale’s hole and began to push inward. 

It took some effort with only using their own saliva as lubrication, but Astarion was able to sink into Gale, feeling him tightly wrapped around his erection. He let out a sigh at the feeling, pausing so he wouldn’t come on the spot.

Teasingly, Astarion began to move. His hips rocked up into Gale over and over at a pace so frustrating, Astarion wanted to abandon his original plan and fuck his partner until he screamed his name.

“Tell me what you want,” Astarion demanded. His voice had grown husky. His face was now buried into Gale’s arched neck.

“You. I want you. I-In me,” Gale whimpered.

“A little more specific. I’m already pushed to the hilt in you.”

“Fill me. Oh, please.”

Better, Astarion thought. It was rare Gale was at a loss for words, but it was lovely when he was because Astarion was usually the one causing it.

Astarion thrusted faster. His cock began to piston in and out of Gale. The bookshelf behind them rocked in tandem, one book falling to the floor as it slid from its place. 

Astarion’s lips were on Gale’s neck leaving marks wherever they landed. He let out a deep groan when a hand gripped his backside. He felt himself growing closer and closer to the edge, but he refused to let go before Gale.

His free hand gripped Gale’s hard shaft and stroked just the way he knew Gale loved. He practically felt the author falling apart in his hands with his moans and attempts to push down on the cock inside of him.

“Astarion, ah, I’m close. Hell, so close,” Gale said.

With one last burst of adrenaline, Astarion pounded into Gale. In a few seconds, hot spurts shot up and onto the red jacket Gale wore. 

Astarion couldn’t hold back any longer at the sight of Gale, with closed eyes and body growing limp with pleasure. His release struck him and he was latched onto Gale’s neck as he gave three more thrusts for good measure. 

Hm, a bookstore. Check that off the list. Maybe a club next.

With some steadying breaths and chaste kisses, Astarion pulled from Gale, feeling a bit of his come leak.

“Ugh, what a mess,” he complained, glancing down as he softening cock as if he wasn’t the culprit of said mess.

Gale shrugged off his coat and handed it over to his partner.

“Well, I won’t be returning that any time soon.”

After a quick cleanup and straightening of clothing - Astarion begrudgingly putting the elf shoes back on - they headed towards the front. Lia was standing at the counter in her usual position of hunched over while reading a romance novel. She looked up with a smile. Her expression said she knew nothing of what just happened.

Gale cleared his throat and shifted back into a polite grin. 

“Lia, glad to see you’ve returned.”

“I was only gone for five minutes,” she said. 

Astarion could see blush blooming on Gale’s neck and cheeks. They had been back there for far longer than that. 

“Oh. Well, anyway, I wanted to say thank you for organizing this and maybe we could do another? Without costumes, of course. The children were lovely.”

“I beg to differ,” Astarion mumbled, earning him an elbow to the side.

“That sounds great! Just let me know when and we’ll work it out,” Lia replied.

“Great! Talk to you soon then.”

Astarion said goodbye and Gale placed his hand on his back as they headed towards the door. As it was opened, they heard Lia call their names. They stopped and turned. 

“Maybe keep the ‘Christmas spirit’ at home next time!” She teased.

Mortified, Gale spun and tugged a cackling Astarion out of the shop.

Notes:

Astarion wasn’t a happy elf….

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