Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian became aware of being pressed up against warmth, seeking it out even in slumber. When the source of his comfort began to pull away he whined low in his throat but it did not help the inevitable. Burying into the warm spot that was left behind he drifted back into deeper sleep.
When he woke next, the room was lighter but going by the quality of it still morning. He looked around the room, confused for a moment where he was and then memories from the night before crashed into him and set his face aflame. He buried it in his hands and a sound he couldn't define tore from his throat.
Last night had been...
If he was honest with himself it was great. Not that he had any idea how it came about. He thought Lan Zhan wouldn't have sex with someone he didn't love but apparently he was wrong about that. Did that make them friends with benefits? Husbands with benefits? But wouldn't that make them just husbands? Wait, no. That was missing the most important part, love. Then again he was sure Jiang-Shushu and Madam Yu didn't love each other either. At least not like his parents loved each other. He only had one memory of a car trip together and yet it was clear to him how much his parents adored each other. It was in the way they looked at each other. Like they were the very air they breathed.
But Lan Zhan didn't love him.
They were friends and married. Maybe that would be enough? As he found out last night Lan Zhan was definitely interested and willing to sleep with him. And the same was true for him. Not that he could explain his own eagerness, how shamelessly he threw himself at Lan Zhan.
Anyway, he had sex with his husband, it was no big deal. No reason to freak out about that, even if it was his first time and apparently Lan Zhan's as well.
He pulled his hands away, listening for another presence in the house and found none.
So obviously it wasn't a big deal for Lan Zhan, he hadn't even thought it necessary to stay until he woke up. Ignored the painful stab that thought caused. He wasn't entitled to Lan Zhan's presence, being married didn't change that. And he refused to become some desperately clinging annoyance just because he was shown some interest. He wouldn't make it a big deal either.
With that he forced himself out of bed and got ready for the day. In accordance with Lan Zhan already unpacking his things he found his clothes in a chest of drawers next to his husband's. He took off what remained of his wedding robes but hesitated a moment over the Lan Zhan's forehead ribbon, fingers hovering over the knots tying it to his wrist but let them drop. The red silk remained and was kept out of sight as he put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. Was he supposed to wear Lan robes from now on? Definitely not the purple ones of the Jiang Sect, he was no longer part of it after all.
Then he searched for his phone, they had been in his outer layer of his wedding robes but when he rooted through them where they lay neatly folded he couldn't find it. Looking around the room he spotted it on the bedside table next to the side he slept on and sent his Shijie a text, determined to see her before she went back to Koi Tower. Her happy reply came instantly, more of a morning person than him. With a smile he went into the main room just as the sliding door was opened and Lan Zhan stepped in with a tray in his hand, looking surprised to find him out of bed.
“Good morning.”
He put the tray on the table and then stepped closer to Wei Wuxian, taking his hand. “You slept well?”
“Mn,” he said borrowing Lan Zhan's preferred answer. Lan Zhan paused a moment something flickering to quickly behind his eyes for him to read. His husband leaned closer and he assumed he was going to kiss him. His pulse quickened. But Lan Zhan's lips briefly brushed across his cheek instead of his lips and he did his best to hide the disappointment.
Smiled when Lan Zhan pulled back. Last night had been amazing for him but perhaps it wasn't the same for Lan Zhan? Thinking back he hadn't really done anything, letting Lan Zhan do all the work. It must have been unsatisfying. He must have been unsatisfying.
He swallowed, not nearly enough face to ask his husband. Next time he'd do better, he told himself. If there was a next time.
Lan Zhan sat at the table and he joined him, braced for another bland meal and doing a double take when he noticed the rich smells and colorful spread Lan Zhan brought. Where did he find that?
Eager he dug in silently in a bid to at least try and keep to the rules. He moaned as the first bite touched his tongue and flavor exploded in his mouth. Across from him Lan Zhan's ears turned pink, eating with way more composure, his posture and manners impeccable. It didn't stop him from scarfing his own meal, barely coming up for air. Soon he was finished and put down his chopsticks before he asked one of the questions that had been weighing on him.
“So, Lan Zhan, I've been wondering am I supposed to wear white robes now?”
Lan Zhan glanced at him, swallowed and put down his bowl and chopsticks before answering. “Wei Ying can wear whatever he prefers.” Great, but that wasn't an answerto what he was supposed to wear. What was expected of him? There must be some rules pertaining to it.
“What about work?”
“Newlyweds are exempt from duties for a week.” That made sense. “And after that,” he asked next.
“Lan disciples choose their clan duties based on preference and aptitude.”
He blinked. But he wasn't a Lan disciple, not really, he was a married-in spouse. Did that mean... Was Lan Zhan trying to tell him he couldn't resume working as a cultivator? Was he supposed to be a trophy husband? The Lan Sect seemed too practical for that to be the case. But maybe it wasn't a requirement for all spouses. Maybe it was just for him? Lan Qiren made clear just how much they disapprove of his affinity for resentful energy, maybe they just didn't want to risk him displaying his heretic ways, his wrongness. The easiest way to make sure he wouldn't, would be to not allow him cultivate at all.
He opened his mouth and closed it a moment after. He couldn't ask. Couldn't bear to hear Lan Zhan say he was right. “I see,” he said. Left it at that, no longer in the mood to ask questions. Instead he told him about his plans to visit his sister.
“Please give her my regards.” The request sounded genuine. “Uncle asked that we have dinner with him and Xiongzhang tonight. Are you amenable?”
Like he could say no to an invitation from Lan Qiren, the man already disliked if not hated him, if he put a strain on his relationship with his nephew it would only get worse. He would smile and he would get through the meal, no matter what Lan Qiren had to no doubt say about him. He did the same during meals with Madam Yu for years.
“Wei Ying?”
“Hmm? Oh, sure. That sounds good.” He was distracted by his thoughts and took too long to answer.
“I wanted to ask...”
“What is it?”
“The memorial tablets?”
“What about them?” But Lan Zhan didn't elaborate. “Do you mean why did Jiang-Shushu give them to me for the wedding?”
“Mn.
“It's complicated. You heard Madam Yu yesterday, that she doesn't consider me her son and I don't need her to. I have a mother.” He fidgeted in his seat. “But the core of the problem is that Madam Yu is convinced Jiang-Shushu was in love with her and there are some nasty rumors going around, I'll spare you the details, they aren't true anyway.” The Lan forbade gossip and he looked so much like his father that a paternity test wasn't even necessary. “If he'd had the memorial tablets made for me before, she never would have accepted it.”
She probably would have broken them, he didn't say. Seeing the corners of Lan Zhan's mouth pull down he hastened to add, “It's fine, I have them now.” He got up from the table. “I'll see you later.”
“Wei Ying.” He paused, turned back. “They will be put in the ancestral hall.” He said it like the offer was nothing special. Like it wasn't enough to bring tears to his eyes. Like it didn't show his fundamental goodness. It probably wouldn't happen, was going to meet resistance from the other Lans but just the offer was enough.
“Thank you.”
*
He made his way along the paths, asking the way when he lost it and found his sister waiting in the garden behind the Jin's guest house, welcoming him with a smile and kind words.
They had tea and talked. Well mostly him and the longer they sat there chatting the more he became aware of Shijie's hand settling on her stomach for a moment before fluttering away, only to return soon after.
He gasped. “Shijie, are you-”
Her eyes widened. “No.” Oh. Shit, he shouldn't have assumed. “Not yet,” she amended. The faint blush that spread on her face suited her, not that he ever wanted his Shijie to feel embarrassed about something. “A-Xuan and I have been talking about it. We decided to try but it hasn't been long.”
“It'll happen for sure.” He drifted off into a daydream of holding a little baby, his nephew, in his arms one of these days and just new he had a sappy smile on his face. He loved children. He always knew he wanted to have his own one day.
He blanched. Would Lan Zhan? It wasn't something he could just ask out of the blue, was it? He never saw his friend around children. Did he like them?
Out loud he said, “Why didn't you say yesterday?” It wasn't accusing, just baffled. His Shijie never hesitated to tell him about what went on in her life. He didn't want that to change.
“How could I? It was your wedding day, I wouldn't dare steal the spotlight away from you.” In his opinion her trying for children trumped his wedding but she wouldn't want to hear that.
“Speaking of, how are you? Do you think you will be happy?” That was just like her, asking the complicated questions. Could he be happy being married to Lan Zhan? Sure. Would he be happy living in the Cloud Recesses with all it's regulations and restraints? He could make do. Probably. Would he be happy giving up his cultivation? Never again going on night hunts or taking part in the competitions at a Conference? Absolutely not.
Did is happiness matter? Not really.
“Yeah, I think I'll be happy.” Shijie was excited and he stayed until it came time for her and the Jins to leave. He made sure to hug her tight. And waved until her car was out of sight at the foot of the long winding stairs leading into the heart of the Sect.
After he made his way to the guest house he had stayed at the night before the wedding. Thinking Madam Yu would most likely be in the front room if she was there he snuck around the back. Climbed the wall to the garden and stayed low as he rushed to the window leading to Jiang Cheng's room.
He knocked but there wasn't a sound from inside. Either his brother was still asleep, unlikely. Or he wasn't in the room. But he tried the window anyway and did a silent triumphant shout when it opened.
He vaulted over the ledge and closed the window behind himself, figuring his brother would return eventually and they could talk then. Really talk and maybe clear the air between them.
It took a look around the room for his smile to freeze. It was empty. Not just of people but Jiang Cheng's suitcase. The bed was stripped and the air smelled of cleaning supplies. He checked the other rooms, just to make sure.
The Jiangs already left the Cloud Recesses.
Ignoring the stinging ache, he wandered around for a bit but then jumped up on a rooftop somewhere and laid down. The thought of anyone seeing him right then too much. Watching the clouds move by he texted with Nie Huaisang like he said he would. Whatever his friend was up to, he didn't show his hand yet. Instead they just chatted about meaningless stuff.
*
“How have you been settling in, Wuxian?” Lan Xichen asked as they sat at the table in his uncle's home. It took a moment for him to realize he was being addressed. They had spent the meal in silence and his attention had been occupied by adhering to the rules. Meals are to be taken in silence. Posture has to be maintained, whether one was sitting or standing. No more than three bowls of rice for a meal.
The last one had been easy, his appetite vanished the moment he saw the bland meal laid out. Not sprawling in his usual way was harder. But he managed, practice makes perfect after all. Madam Yu had made a game of it during his etiquette lessons. Every time he forgot himself and slouched or sprawled in a way that was more comfortable to sit, was one more strike with Zidian added at the end of the day.
“Fine.” Thinking that sounded too dismissive he added, “Lan Zhan already took care of everything for me.” He gave his husband a smile, which froze a bit when Lan Qiren hmph-ed.
“I'm not surprised he did.” There was an edge to it he couldn't read. “Wangji has always been faithful in his duties, marriage will be no different. What about you?”
“I-” He didn't know what to say. He would try his best to be whatever the Lan Sect wanted him to be but already knew it was doomed to fail. Simply because he was the way he was. Nothing that defined him was something the Lan Sect embraced or wanted. Loud, unable to adhere to rules, rebellious against authority, demonic cultivator.
Even if he never officially got to train as one, just his experiments when he was on night hunts alone. That path was closed to him the moment that power hungry dick Wen Ruohan threw all reason aside and used demonic cultivation to try and take over the cultivation community.
It could be, was supposed to be, used for good, but no one believed in that after he launched an attack on the other Sect's with hundreds of fierce corpses. A Cultivation Conference like that tended to stick in one's memory. He had been too young when it happened, his cultivation not advanced enough to attend. Not a single one of his generation had but Lan Qiren? He had been there, had been one of the people fighting for the lives of the civilians and cultivators alike in Nightless City and he came out of it condemning demonic cultivators.
And now his nephew married one.
“Shufu,” came an admonishment from Lan Zhan and Lan Qiren sighed. “Fine.” But the look he gave Wei Wuxian wasn't pleased and the rest of the evening was awkward despite Lan Xichen doing his best to lighten the heavy atmosphere.
Or it was the awareness of his inadequacy that was weighing down on him so heavily.
When they finally left he was relieved nonetheless.
The rest of the week passed more easily. He tried to go to sleep at the same time as Lan Zhan and laid awake for hours before he finally drifted off. Waking up at five proved unachievable. The earliest he could manage was seven and then he felt like a zombie stumbling around. But he tried his best to get used to the Lan schedule because Lan Zhan waited to eat breakfast together and he didn't want him to go hungry.
They spend the days taking walks around the Cloud Recesses, reading, talking, or just existing in the same space. They didn't have sex again, not even kissed. Whenever he was about to say something or just grab the front of Lan Zhan's robes and pull him in, his courage left him. No matter how often he called himself a coward or tried to psyche himself up, he just couldn't. The thought of Lan Zhan rejecting his advances sat like a stone in his gut.
The second week was worse, so so much worse. Lan Zhan returned to his duties, teaching musical cultivation, helping his brother with administrative tasks, night hunting, correcting essays. And him? He sat in Lan Zhan's house waiting for his return with absolutely nothing to fill his days. He tried working on new talisman designs but his well of inspiration dried out. The highlight of his day was when Lan Zhan came back. Wei Ying would ask him about his day, and they'd have dinner together. Somehow the meals Lan Zhan brought were always tasty and at nine they would go to bed together.
Only for it all to repeat the next day.
By the beginning of the third week he was ready to climb the walls and he decided to try something new. He left the Jingshi in desperate search for something to do.
Of course that was also when he inevitably fucked up.