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As they walk into the rift, they are thrown back in time, the moment when Solas took Ariana's hand and closed the first rift.
"What did you do?" she asks him, eyes wide and bright.
He doesn't understand what had happened after he went blind for a moment by the bright flash light of the rift. One moment he was at the Archon's palace, Ariana's hand on his shoulder, guiding him. Next, he's in this familiar valley where everything started, same hand holding his for balance.
The chill of air is real on his cheeks. Her hand solid. He remembers everything but does she? Is she the same Ariana, his vhenan, from the future? or is she of this world, the one who hasn't done the grave mistake of falling in love with the dreadwolf. She's not doomed, not yet.
He freezes when he sees Varric but quickly hides his shock behind the mask. But how can be hide his shame from himself?
"Are you with the chantry or...?"
He remembers this moment but still chuckles in fondness of her.
"Was that a serious question?"
-
One day at Haven he sees her talking with the commander, smiling bright and carefree and now he's not sure anymore if she's Her. His vhenan. Maybe he traveled back alone, maybe she didn't walked into the rift with him and why would she? He can't blame her, he couldn't even ask her to come. She deserved better. He must walk this path alone.
So he continues to act like his former self, the elvhen apostate mage who came to share his knowledge. He maintains distance from her. But she finds him sometimes, asks him about the fade, spirits and his opinion on elvhen culture. He's having whiplashes, she's so close yet so far. But being here, gifting her his wisdom freely once again, it feels like coming back home. It's easier being here. It is easier being just Solas.
"Indomitable focus?" she asks, there's a glint in her eyes.
"Presumably. I have yet to see it dominated. I imagine that the sight would be… fascinating."
She laughs sweetly. He missed her laugh.
He lies to himself, makes excuses that the events must go on as it did before, for the sake of this reality. He can't destroy another world. But he knows he's full of shit. He can't help but be drawn to her once again. Even if she's not Her, his vhenan.
-
He leads the Inquisition once again to skyhold. A cold fortress in the mountains that shines so brightly because she, she has made it home.
'When I served the Inquisition. I tried to avoid entanglements'. Solas remembers telling Rook or maybe he was lying to himself that moment; because when he sits with Cassandra he shares a bit more of his knowledge when she asks for his counsel. Or when he smiles to himself when Dorian criticises his outfit. Or when he teases Sera a bit more fondly when she filled his bedroll with lizards. Or when he comforts and guides Cole once again.
"You came to help Cole. Continue that."
"You're him but... more. You've seen the end."
"Even in this, you see the real me again"
"You're not alone. Seek her out. She will show you."
"I'm afraid it's not Her."
"But Her hurt is different."
-
"You changed everything."
"Sweet talker."
He knows he shouldn't. But when she steals a kiss from him in fade, he returns it with much greater passion, hunger and desire. To kiss her again, to hold her again, to bathe in her scent again. No, he shouldn't. He can't. She's not Her.
"We shouldn't. It isn't right."
-
"You went to her. But you're still hurting, hiding," Cole tells him next day.
"I can't. She's not Her. It would be immoral, dishonest and selfish of me, again."
-
"What were you like before the anchor?"
He watches her as she examins her left arm, remembers it's one of the many things he took from Her, and he may have to do it again. To save her.
"Has it affected you? Changed you in any way? Your mind, your morals, your... spirit?" He knows what she will say. He remembers it well. He was so worried that the anchor might have changed her spirit, altered her nature. He knows what it was like for him. He couldn't comprehend the same happening to someone else, let alone someone he loved.
"My spirit?... If it had do you really think I'd have noticed?"
"No. that's an excellent point."
"Why do you ask?"
"You show a wisdom I have not seen since... since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade. You are not what I expected."
Taking a body was never his choice. He never wanted to be like this. Walking in a world with veil was tranquil. But finding someone like her, with a spirit so rare, in this world where it was always heavy. It was a miracle. But for once he was glad to have a body. He can touch her, hold her, kiss her.
"So what does this means Solas?"
"It means I have not forgotten the kiss."
"Good," she walks closer to him.
He realises it's all wrong. Again. He's making the same mistake. Again. So he shakes his head and walks away.
"Don't go."
"It'd be kinder in the long run. But losing you would..."
He can't deny her. He could never deny her. No matter which world, time, space, he will always want her. He will always love her. He's selfish, so he kisses her. He's unable to stop, so he pulles her close. He's damned, so he wraps his hands around her frame and holds her tight.
"Ar lath ma, vhenan."
-
"Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. I still can't help this hurt."
"This hurt is ancient. Forget it Cole."
"Not this hurt. Her hurt."
-
"All that we were. All that we knew. It would be lost forever," Abelas laments.
"There are other places. friend. Other duties. Your people yet linger."
"Elvhen such as you?"
"Yes, Elvhen such as I."
He feels her eyes on him. She doesn't asks him to drink, nor she offers herself. She lets Morrigan drink from the well. Regardless out of the outcome, he disapproves.
-
"The veil is thin here. Can you feel it on your skin, tingling?"
When he had requested her to have this journey to Crestwood with him, she seemed so dejected but eager. Last time he was so concerned about the truth, about what's to come, that he never really had the chance to pause and think what his offer would have meant to her. What she would've been expecting. Was she hoping for a night of passion or a declaration of union? Perhaps a promise of forever.
"I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me. For now, the best gift I can offer is... the truth," he must tell her. This is his chance, to right the wrongs, at least in this world. She'll hate him. She'll fight him. She'll kill him. But that would be a fitting punishment. His atonement.
"You are unique. In all Thedas, I never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the fade." He never wanted this body, he never wanted to leave the fade, but despite everything he was glad because if he hadn't he would have never met her.
"You have become important to me, more important than I could have imagined."
"As you are to me." It is so easy for her to declare her feelings for him, so freely, he wants to be like her. He wants to be free. Free to love. The truth will set him free.
"Then what I must tell you.. the truth... My real identity-"
"Solas..."
"No, vhenan. Listen... I must -"
But her face... is different. Everything is different. The look in her eyes, there's so much pain and hurt, as if she's begging him, guiding him, urging him, all at once.
'Her hurt is different' he remembered Cole's words.
Then, before he could react, she yanked at his arm, forcing him to stumble forward a step. "What?" He tried to say, but the noise was cut off by the feel of her arms wrapping around him and her face burying into the crook of his neck.
His heart was beating too fast. Nothing was making any sense. He was free falling and he didn’t know where he would land, only that eventually he had to crash somewhere. He couldn’t think, thoughts racing past his mind too quickly to grasp onto.
Everything was too much. The world was moving too fast and he couldn’t keep up. But then, all at once, everything slowed. As he heard the most beautiful sound he had ever heard in all of his years of existence, once again, from Her lips.
The most beautiful, impossible sound.
"Banal nadas. Ar lath ma vhenan."
His heart stopped. Everything stopped. And in the back of his mind he felt the spark of a dream that he had buried deep within him. It can't be.
"How… how?" He was still frozen in her arms, not daring to move least it broke the spell that they were both under.
She chuckled, a wet, throaty sound, half muffled by how her face was still pressed into his neck. "Don't you remember? I was with you."
Impossible. The solution was completely and utterly impossible.
And yet...
He had to clear his throat twice to even begin to say the words aloud.
"It's you?" The sound he made was more of a sob than speech, but she seemed to decipher his meaning.
"It's me." She smiled as she spoke. Even without looking at her face, he could feel her smile against his neck.
"I don't understand," he said, voice still shaking.
"You weren’t the only one sent back in time," she said, gently. Patiently. Her arms squeezed tighter around him, and he longed to give in. To sink into her embrace and never resurface.
"No, that’s not what I meant," he said. His next words were quieter and he was terrified of the answer he might receive. "Why haven’t you tried to fight me? To stop me? I would have tried to tear down the veil in this world."
She pulled her head back slightly, and he mourned the loss of her touch. But instead of stepping away, she instead brought her hands to cup his face, tilting his chin downwards so she could look into his eyes. They were so close together that he could see himself reflected in her pupils. He looked just as much of a mess as he felt inside.
"Isn’t it obvious?" she asked.
Words had utterly failed him, so he shook his head. He was still free falling, but he could see the ground rushing up towards him. The only question was if the landing would hurt. Or would she catch him?
Her hands clutched at his face as she continued to gaze up into his eyes. When she spoke there was no trace of a lie in her voice.
"Because I love you."
It couldn't be true. It couldn't be.
She must have seen the disbelief in his expression because she continued. "I never stopped loving you, never stopped believing in you". Her fingers traced the edge of his jaw. It was as if she felt that same need to be close to him as he felt for her. "Solas, I burned my heart to ash since the day you left, I have known no peace. I looked for you in every shadow. I never-" Her voice cracked.
"You can’t love me." His words were forced out through sobs. "Not after everything I did. I don't deserve you."
He meant to pull away from her, but she pulled him in tighter. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her head tucked under his chin, as she pulled him in. Closer still.
"When has the heart ever listened to reason?" Her breath ghosted against his chest as she spoke. "Believe it or not, It’s the truth."
Time passed. It could have been only minutes, but to Solas it felt like hours. Nothing existed for him but the feel of her arms wrapped around him. The steady rise and fall of her chest soothing him as he drowned in her embrace.
As much as he would have been content to never move or speak again, to stay in the safety of her embrace forever. He still has questions that were so far unanswered.
He sighed. "How long have you known... about me?"
"Since the day we met. You didn’t exactly do a good job at hiding it. You were always a terrible liar." The smile in her voice was obvious. "I thought you knew about me as well. But then at Haven, I realised that you had no idea."
"Why didn’t you say something?"
Her arms tightened around him, firmly, but not painfully. "Because of your letter. You said you came so close to breaking in this moment. I wanted to see if I and our friends can change your heart". Her voice was kind, with no trace of contempt. "I wanted you to understand that you are capable of change. And you are, Solas. Day after day, I watched you try and make things better. You trusted Cassandra. You opened up to Dorian. You became Sera's older brother. You understood Varric when he said he wanted Cole to be more Human. You even became friends with Vivienne" They both laughed. "You did so well, and I’m so proud of you."
His heart seized - no one had ever said that they were proud of him. It conjured emotions within him that he was woefully unprepared to deal with.
"Vhenan…" he trailed off. There were no words left to describe what he was currently feeling.
"Solas," she stared up at him, the whole world in her eyes. "We've both been given this chance to try again. The past is gone; we cannot change it. But we can choose to move forward together, to shape the future into something better, with the Inquisition, with our family."
She brought her hands to clasp his, holding them over her heart. "In this world and every other, I choose you, Solas. Will you stand by me?"
"Yes, in this and every other world," he squeezed her hands tight, pressing his forehead to hers. "I'll stand by you, ma vhenan."
"Everything I have, everything I am, it’s yours. My heart. My soul. My spirit. They belong to you. And I will spend the rest of my life atoning for the hurt I caused you."
"Oh, Solas” she said. "I've already forgiven you."
His final confession was barely above a whisper, but he knew she could hear him.
"Vir shiral ma'lasa. Bellanaris."
His eyes were still closed, but they opened instantly when he felt the brush of lips against his own. He eagerly responded to the kiss. Hands tangling in her hair as he tried to banish any distance between them. She clearly felt the same as she pressed herself closer to him, lips moving eagerly.
His fears. His doubts. In that moment, none of it mattered. He had his vhenan in his arms. His Ariana, he thought breathlessly. And for the first time in his eternal life, he had found home.
Her kiss was his sanctuary. He would be content to stay like this forever.
But all things must come to an end. Not an end, just a pause - his mind supplied. And eventually she pulled away from him slightly. He tried to chase the sweet taste of her lips, but she merely smiled and nudged their noses together in reassurance.
She gazed up at him and he gazed down at her.
"Let's go home" she said with a smile. And Solas was wrong - that was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.
"There’s more we need to talk about, but all of it can wait." She kissed him again. A light brush of her lips that spoke of so much more. So much potential. "We have time, after all."
And wasn’t that a wonderful thought. They had time.