Chapter Text
It has been three months since you confessed your love to the leader of the Autobots.
And three months since he rejected you.
You knew it was going to be this way. You weren't angry even when deep down, you hoped he would feel the same.
Maybe it's the human nature to love the unloveable. But when you think about it, there wasn't a single thing you did not love about him.
"I am honored but-"
You raised your hands to stop him. No. You didn't want the "It's not you, it's me" talk. You didn't want it, nor needed it. To you, it's stupid because although he may say that, you know the truth. If you were someone else, maybe a Cybertronian, he could love you.
You didn't want answers. You didn't want to hear him. He had rejected you and that's the end of it. You just wanted to be honest.
That's it.
You began to be more distant. You weren't angry. Things just feel awkward. It's not like you didn't want to continue being friends but that was not possible at the moment. Is it really a friendship if deep down you still hope that he will change his mind? Optimus didn't deserve that nor did you.
You stopped going to the base so often. One or twice a week at most. You continued talking to everyone as you usually do but with Optimus it's different. Now you only greet him not wanting to start a conversation. He doesn't seem to mind your change and although it hurt you to see his indifference, you knew it was for the best.
But ... he noticed.
....
"I'll be going on patrol duty."
Optimus looks around the base as he announces his departure. Bulkhead is with Miko practicing some boxing, Arcee is chatting with Jack while Bumblebee and Raf play video games.
His optics fall on you. You were talking to Ratchet about something he couldn't decipher. Although his old friend was focused on his work, he still talked to you. You seemed content and wondered the reason behind your good mood.
"(Y/N)," Optimus walks towards you and Ratchet, interrupting the conversation.
You stand on the elevation floor. Facing him face to faceplate. You were so small, yet he felt intimidated by you.
"I'll be going on patrol," he repeats himself. Optimus doesn't know why but it has become complicated to talk to you.
"Yes umm, you already said that?"
You used to go on patrol duty with him. Usually, the nights will end with the two of you on the top of the base. With you smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. Optimus would sometimes enjoy a barrel of oil with you.
The two of you would talk for hours, sometimes it would last until the sunrise.
"Do you wish to accompany me?"
That's what he wanted to ask. But nothing came out of his voice box. He stays quiet for a few seconds and leaves.
....
Ratchet hears a heavy sigh coming from Optimu's vents.
A few seconds.
And another one.
And another.
And another.
And one more.
"Would you stop doing that?"
Ratchet looks at the Autobots' leader and Optimus has the audacity to look confused. This angered the doctor who was very well aware of the situation.
"If you miss (Y/N) so much why don't you talk to her?"
"I don't understand-"
"Ah! Tsk,Tsk," Ratchet raised both of his hands and moved them in front of him. He didn't want to hear any excuses coming from Optimus. "You know exactly what I am saying."
Optimus looks around to make sure no one is around.
"(y/n) confessed... to have romantic feelings towards me."
For a very small second, Optimus regrets telling Ratchet the truth because the expression on his face isn't comforting.
"A human ... falling in love with a Cybertronian?" Ratchet questions, speaking to himself more than to Optimus. "Well, historically speaking, Cybertronians are not unfamiliar with inter-species relationships. But with a human ... this will be a first."
"I rejected her," Optimus says not feeling quite certain if he should have shared this with Ratchet. Not because he didn't trust him to keep a secret but because you trusted him not to tell anyone. "But now I am afraid that has severed the friendship we had."
"Have you tried talking to her?"
"I do not believe she wishes to speak to me."
Ratchet noticed the worriness in Optimus' faceplate. He knew things had been different between the two of you since months ago. At first, he thought it had been a fight. Something that could be fixed with a simple conversation. But it was more than that. Maybe it cannot be fixed.
"And you Optimus?" the doctor asked. "How do you feel?"
Optimus takes a few seconds to think. He breaks eye contact with Ratchet and looks at the ground. Optimus looks at his right servo, it's been a while since he has held your soft body.
"I am ... quite saddened by her distance. I may not share the same feelings but I care for her deeply. More than I am willing to admit."
"And did you tell her this?"
"She wished for me to not speak of the matter again and I obliged," Optimus vents heavily again. "I did not want to give her any more pain."
"Processing pain is necessary to heal," Ratchet puts his left servo on Optimus' shoulder plate. "And you, old friend, you might have to learn that your friendship with her might not be the same ever again."
....
"Reporting to you live, (y/n), Jasper News."
He sees you more on TV now than in person. He has always been a fan of your work and how you are so passionate about telling the truth.
Optimus turns off the TV from his private quarters and heads to the hangar. He finds you there. Not sparing him a glance but his optics were glued to you.
You wore a white long-sleeved button-up shirt with a black skirt that highlights your figure. Your hair was kept in place with a hair clip and you wore glasses. Black heels with pink cheeks and red lips. You had come out of work and came straight here.
"Oh, Prime. Were you going on patrol duty?"
Were you actually talking to him? Why couldn't he talk? You were smiling at him and yet he couldn't say a word. His voice box may not be working because no matter how much he tries nothing would come out.
He nods.
"Can I come with you? It's been a while since we have ridden together."
Four months and 15 days to be exact.
He couldn't say a word. And only nods again.
....
To say that he was nervous was an understatement. He could feel and see everything.
Especially, the skin of your legs on his seat. Optimus was too distracted. So much so that he didn't notice the bump of the road. Casually, you were drinking water and as you were about to take a sip, the water came out from the bottle due to the commotion. Your white shirt became wet, making your black brassier visible to his eyes.
"Shit. Prime, can you make your widows dark?"
You ask him, feeling uncomfortable at the wet fabric against your skin.
"Of course," Optimus didn't question why he just followed your orders. He darkened all of his windows even the front one.
He didn't expect you to start undressing. Slowly unbuttoning your long-sleeved shirt. Revealing to him your black lace bra. Optimus honks out of nowhere, steam coming out of his pipe.
"Are you alright?" You ask him as you put your shirt on top of his air ventilations, hoping your shirt could drive quickly so you could put it back on.
"My apologies, I just-" he is again without words and he made a mental note to tell Ratchet to check up on him "I ... Please can you put your shirt back on? I do not wish to disrespect you."
"What do you mean?" you ask him innocently. Until a stupid idea crossed your mind. "Wait, I thought human attraction was impossible for Cybertronians?"
Optimus keeps quiet and keeps driving.
"Prime ... Do you find me ... attractive?"
He can't answer. If he says yes, what would that imply? If he says no, would that hurt your feelings even more? More importantly, he doesn't know. The only thing he is aware of is that his spark is agitated. He vents air hotter than usual. He is driving faster, and his processor is unable to understand the speed limits.
"What am I saying? Of course, you don't."
Optimus couldn't understand how you could say that when his enstril could sense your perfume. Something new he had never smelled before. Exquisite, delicate and sweet. It's you, your natural smell. The type he can't get tired of.
No. He can't think like that. It's not possible. Something in his system must be wrong.
"I met someone at work."
He didn't like the sound of that.
"I didn't want to say anything until things were steady but I think they are now."
Optimus slows down. He hasn't talked to you for so long and expected this night to be one of those he used to enjoy. The nights in which you would talk about the stars and he would do nothing but listen. The nights in which you would talk about a book and he would ask you about your favorite character.
The nights in which he could watch the whole universe in your eyes.
....
"The scans are all good, Optimus," Ratchet says. "No anomalies were found."
"Are you sure of these results?"
"Confident."
Ratchet studies his friend's faceplate. He is usually the quiet type. Much had changed about him through the years. But nothing can go unnoticed by him. He knew Orion Pax and most certainly, he knew Optimus Prime.
"But if you tell me your concern, then maybe I can run a specific analysis."
"It's my spark."
"What?"
Ratchet was perplexed, he was not expecting that.
"It's in pain," Optimus stands from the gigant medical bed and sits on it. "And my processor only recreates memories of (y/n)."
One second passes.
Then another.
And another.
And one more.
"I do not like to question the ability of your processor," Ratchet doesn't move, he only procures to look at his friend in the optics. "But have you thought that maybe your processor is thinking of (y/n) because she has sparked your software of ... attachment?"
Optimus doesn't say a word and this only confirms Ratchet's suspicions. He has noticed how Optimus has been more distracted. His optics ever so lightly brightened up whenever he heard your name. The longing in every heavy vent his friend would so as the minutes passed without talking to you.
"How do humans ... Show affection?"
Ratchet doesn't need answers. He already knows and he doesn't want to make Optimus feel bad for having emotions. He's actually glad to know that his friend is capable of feeling something at all. Even after everything he is been through.
"From what I've read, giving flowers is a common practice."
"Do you think if I give (y/n) flowers will my feelings be clear?"
Yet, he wonders if it's the right thing. Is this desperation for connection or does Optimus' spark really glow for you? Either or, he wasn't one to make a conclusion.
"I am not certain but I think it's a start."
....
Took longer this time for patrol duty. Making sure he looked everywhere. But being in Nevada's desert didn't help much. There were cacti and grass but nothing that he particularly liked for you.
Until he found something you might like.
It was delicate, more so than you. It took him an extra hour to get back to base because he was driving slowly. He didn't want to cause the flower any harm, it had to be in perfect condition for it to be worthy of you.
When he finally reached the base, he even took look longer to transform back to his original size. Making sure that his mass-shift didn't disturb the flower.
He walked to the hanger, with a single dandelion in right servo. It's so minuscule and nervousness starts to kick in his system.
Out of the many kinds of flowers there are on your planet, will you like this one? If you did, would you be kind enough to spare him a smile? Anything that could alleviate his suffering just a little?
He can't deny it. Not anymore. Your absence has devastated him. In ways he can't describe. There may be millions of languages on your planet but not a single one could ever describe the feeling of yearning he has. How can he explain something he has no words for? How can he explain that his spark cries your name and his body begs for your affection? How much he craves for your attention or to at least be worthy of it. May Primus forgive him but would he would throw away his honor if that meant you could take him as yours.
Will this single dandelion be enough to express that?
Optimus is delighted to see you here. His thoughts had gone insane thinking that you were waiting for him.
Instead, he sees you on the elevation floor, arranging many flowers into a small little white base. There are many of them. Of all kinds of colors and shapes. Then he thought how stupid it was for him to think he was worth even a simple look from you.
"Hey big guy, guess who got flowers today?" you were content. Looking so happy that his circuits might corrupt. He wanted to be that to you. He wants to be a reason for you to smile. Just him. "I thought I should come and put them in a place where everyone can appreciate them."
And suddenly he gets this strange urge. A dark thought of destroying that which you love, those flowers and especially whoever gave them to you. Because why? Why is it that those flowers can give much more happiness than him? What do they mean to you? Does the person who gave them to you love you more than him?
"Well, what do you think?"
He looks at the flowers once more. His dark thoughts quickly go away.
He is reminded of the dandelion on his servo.
You deserved more than this.
"They are ... adequate."
.....
He doesn't know how long he has been staring at the dandelion. He has grown a hatred towards it.
Optimus wants to let it go. For the wind to take it and for him to forget about it. Yet, he can't find the energy to do so.
"I am in love with you."
He re-played that scene again and again. Deep down a part of him wished he could go back in time and fix it. If he was sincere with his feelings from the beginning, would things be different?
Would you be with him now? Probably. You will be here, on top of the base and on this cold night, he will carry you close to his chassis. Close enough for you to feel the warmth of his spark. The heat intensifies as it only does when he is near you.
You would tell him stories and he would listen. Looking at you from time to time because the stars above him did not compare to the beauty of the creature he was holding.
"Prime?"
He stops daydreaming and finds you next to him. You take a seat, close to him. The vastness of the Nevada desert and the night sky were your view.
"Are you alright?"
"I am."
He lied but it's not like he can say the truth. He can't tell you that his spark glows in pain for the so much yearning he has for you.
"I am sorry," you look into the distance, a part of you is ashamed and even afraid to look at him "I know I have been a little distant."
"I believe the word 'little' would be an understatement," his voice comes out as aggressive but the last thing he wants is to intimidate you. "But I cannot phantom myself putting any type of blame on you."
"I should have never confessed."
"No," his voice is softer now and he takes the time to look at you. Suppressing his need to hold you closer, he holds onto the dandelion instead, trying to get the courage he needs to give it to you. "I admire your honesty."
"Looking back at it, I am glad you rejected me," you put a string of your hair back on your ear. He knew this action of yours. You did that whenever you got shy and he wondered if he ever made you feel that way.
"If you didn't I would have never met Alex and I wouldn't have been this happier."
Could you please end his misery? Could Primus be merciful and take his spark right at this moment? Because he can't do it. He can't. Not when he was asked you so many times to call him by his first name just for you to reject him.
Now, you found someone. Someone unknown to him with who you made a connection. A connection so strong that you deemed him honorable to be called by his first name by you.
"Is he ... Worthy of your affection?"
"Yes, I believe so."
But then again. He had his chance. He lost you and your friendship. Optimus knows that after tonight things will be different. As much as he wanted you, he knew you weren't his. Now, he feels stupid and ashamed for ever thinking the universe would be so kind as to gift you to him.
"(Y/N)?" he calls your name so softly as if his voice box had glitched just for a small second. But you noticed. "Would you allow me to indulge myself in your company? Just this one time?"
There was nothing to say. You just nod. Blissfully unaware of Optimus' sentiments.
Unknown to you the dandelion, is still in his servo.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.