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I'm Sorry (RW)

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Shepard enters the cargo hold in full gear, her Mantis slung across her back. Leisurely she leans against the wall, arms crossed, waiting for Anderson and Nihlus to arrive. Her mind is already focused on the mission ahead. Secure the beacon. 

The hiss of the elevator draws her attention, making her head turn. Instead of Anderson or Nihlus are Kaidan and Jenkins stepping into the hold, also suited up.

"Hey, Shep," Kaidan greets casually, offering her a nod. "Ready to go?"

She frowns at him in confusion. "Wait, what? Why are you two here? Anderson said it was just me and the Spectre."

Jenkins salutes crisply. "A distress call, ma'am. Captain Anderson and Spectre Kryik agreed to send a small group instead."

Shepard’s frown deepens. A what now? Annoyance creeps into her features, why hadn’t she been briefed on this?

Irritated, she pushes off the wall. ”Okay, hold on, I've got to talk with them," Quickly she heads for the elevator. This is her team, her mission. She deserves to know what’s going on.

When she pushes the button, the elevator doors open revealing Nihlus. His calm demeanor does nothing to temper her frustration. "Good, you’re already here," he says, his tone brisk as he moves to pass her.

"Wait." Shepard places a hand on his carapace, halting him. She pulls away in an instand, realizing the intimacy of the gesture. "What’s this about a distress call? What’s going on?"

Nihlus motions to a quiet corner of the hold, his expression unreadable. Shepard follows him, her irritation simmering beneath the surface.

In the secluded area, he activates his omnitool, pulling up a grainy video feed. It shows panicked colonists, explosions in the background, Alliance soldiers running around and then a massive, ominous structure descending, cutting through the clouds.

"There’s been no comm traffic since this footage was transmitted twenty minutes ago," Nihlus explains, his tone even but serious. "Anderson and I decided a small strike team would be more efficient, quick without drawing attention. We still need to secure the beacon, but this changes the stakes."

Shepard exhales sharply, crossing her arms. This is already getting complicated. "Okay. And the survivors? Are we evacuating them?"

Nihlus rewinds the footage to the structure's descent. His mandibles tighten. "Have you ever seen anything like this?"

Shepard leans in, squinting at the screen. "No, but it looks massive. Kinda looks like a giant tick."

"I don’t know what a ‘tick’ is," Nihlus says dryly. "But with a structure like that down there and no comm traffic, I doubt we’ll find any survivors."

Her gaze snaps to him. "We? So you’re coming with me?" Us. Damn it. She means us.

Before he can answer, Anderson’s voice calls out, "Alright, team! Gather up!" Shepard hadn’t even noticed the Captain entering the hold. She casts one last glance at Nihlus before moving toward her Captain and her team. Anderson orders Joker to go down before focusing his attention on the ground team.

"Okay, Shepard. Your team's muscles in this operation. Go in heavy and head straight for the dig site."

Joker’s voice rings over the speakers. "Approaching drop point one."

Nihlus only nods, moving toward the opening hangar without hesitation.

"Hey!" Shepard calls after him. "You’re not going alone!"

"I’m faster on my own," Nihlus replies without looking back.

"Come on, Kryik! Going alone is su-" The Spectre leaps from the hangar, disappearing into the horizon.

"-icide," Shepard mutters, rolling her eyes. "Perfect."

Anderson steps up beside her, his tone steady. "Nihlus will scout ahead and send status updates. Otherwise, radio silence unless it’s urgent during this mission."

She takes a deep breath, adjusting her gear. "Understood. Ready and able, sir.”

 


 

The team touched down minutes later, only to face immediate tragedy. A wave of drones claimed Jenkins’ life before they even had a chance to gather their barrings. Shepard had to pressed forward with Kaidan. Despite everything, she couldn't help but to worry about Nihlus. He is well trained and experienced but he is alone.

After clearing the second wave of drones, Nihlus finally radioed in. “Shepard, I’ve found burned-out buildings and... bodies. I’ll investigate and catch up with you at the dig site.”

She wanted to respond, to ask if he was okay, but Anderson’s orders for radio silence held her back. The faint hum of static from his channel was her only reassurance.

The mission then further escalated. After rescuing Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams from Geth troops and hearing her grim report, the team pushed toward the dig site, finding more and more bodies. The colonists were impaled on spikes. The Commander forced herself not to look too closely. It was horrible.

When the team finally arrived at the digsite, the beacon was gone. Frustration took over as Shepard weighed their options. After a short time of consideration, Shepards orders the team to move forward to the camp once Nihlus has arrived as well.

And as if on cue, Nihlus radioed again. “Change of plans, Shepard. I’m heading to a small spaceport up ahead.”

Shepard swore under her breath. He just can’t stick to the plan, can he?

The team moved on, cutting through waves of drones and grotesque husks. Once-human victims reanimated into monstrosities. Each encounter tested their resolve. 

At the camp, the team found a handful of survivors, trembling and battered. They confirmed a  turian passed through earlier. Relief blossomed in Lynette's chest but they had to keep moving. 

When they eventually reached the spaceport, the team took a moment to overlook the area. Kaidan stopped in his tracks. "What is that? Off in the distance." That's the structure Nihlus showed Shepard before they moved. It's indeed gigantic.

"Nihlus showed me." Shepard explained, "It landed here during the atta-"

A shoot in the distance. Suddenly the low white noise from Nihlus radio was gone.

Shepard felt her heart racing. “Kryik?” she called urgently over the radio. “Do you copy?” 

Silence.

“Damn it,” she muttered, dread pumping through her veins. “Okay, move!” Shepard broke into a sprint, leading her team towards the port.

When they reached it, more Geth and twisted husks attacked, but the team fought through them with fierce determination. Using crates for cover, the team returned fire, the machines proving more aggressive than before. The beacon had to be nearby.

Crouched behind a stack of crates, Shepard fired precise shots, her sniper rifle cutting through the enemy ranks. She changed her position multiple times, seeking better angles, when a streak of blue caught her eye. Blood. Turian blood. 

Her stomach dropped. “No, no, no…”

Abandoning her cover, Shepard pushed forward, darting toward the bloodstained crates. Her heart sunk as she rounded the corner to find Nihlus sprawled on the ground, motionless. She screamed his name in terror, dropping to her knees beside him. “No! Damn it, Nihlus. Come one, stay with me!” His pulse was faint, his breathing shallow. “Don’t you dare die on me now, Nihlus.”

Ignoring Anderson’s orders, Shepard radioed Joker. “Normandy, I need evac ASAP! We’ve lost Jenkins, and Nihlus is critical!” Joker rogered that and Anderson granted permission for the pick-up. Meanwhile, Kaidan and Ashley finished off the remaining enemies and hurried to Shepard’s side. Shepard was so focused on the turian, trying to stabilize him, she barely noticed a survivor of the attack explaining what happened. He spoke of another turian, of Saren’s betrayal. Fury sparked within her at the mention of the name. 

But they still had to find the beacon, if Saren was really the mastermind behind all this, they have to get it before he does. If he was willing to commit murder for it, to kill his own protegé, it must have been an important artefact.

Reluctantly Shepard had to move on and leave Nihilus' side. She ordered Williams to stay with Nihlus until the Normandy came, while she and Kaidan went after the Geth. 

Sick with worry, she and Kaidan made their way through the port. They sprinted towards the next platform, fighting through waves of Geth as they advanced. The metallic clanking of their boots mixed with the crackle of gunfire. When they reached the transport platform, Shepard’s breath hitched at the sight of blinking red lights.

Demolition charges.

"Five minutes," Kaidan said grimly, pointing to the timer on the nearest charge.

Shepard let out a frustrated breath but didn’t waste time. “Cover me while I disarm them!”

Her fingers worked swiftly, her former engineering training kicking in. As Kaidan laid down suppressing fire, she moved from charger to charger, dismantling the Geth’s traps while dodging their attacks. 

Relief washed over her, when she worked on the last one. The timer stopped at five seconds. “Bombs are disarmed,” she called, rising to her feet.

They pressed forward to the final platform, where the beacon loomed, pulsating faintly with an eerie green light. A small Geth squad stood guard, but Shepard and Kaidan took them down with ruthless efficiency.

“All clear, Commander,” Kaidan said, lowering his weapon.

Shepard nodded, stepping closer to the artifact. So much trouble for that thing? She activated her comm. “Normandy, the beacon is secure. We are ready for evac- Kaidan, stop!”

Kaidan had wandered too close to the beacon, which began to glow and hum with unsettling intensity. Before he could react, a green tendril of energy lashed out, pulling him toward it.

Without thinking, Shepard lunged at him, shoving him out of harm's way. Suddenly the energy engulfed her instead.

She felt herself lifting off the ground, weightless yet immobilized. Her mind erupted with chaotic visions. Flashes of destruction, screaming figures, and planets consumed by fire. Death. The images were vivid and incomprehensible, each one more horrifying than the last.

Her body trembled as the beacon’s energy reached a crescendo and then snapped. The visions stopped abruptly as a searing pain shot through her head, and everything went dark.

The last thing she heard was Kaidan’s panicked voice calling her name, became faint and distant as she slipped into unconsciousness.

 


 

This must be the worst headache ever.

Groaning, Shepard forces her eyes open, the light stabbing through her skull. Slowly she tries to sit up but her body protest at every movement. 

“Easy there,” Dr. Chakwas says gently, coming to stand next to her to help. “You’ve been through a lot, Commander. You had us worried there. How are you feeling?”

Shepard rests her pounding head in her hand, looking at the Doctor. “Like I’ve been hit by a shuttle. What happened?”

“The beacon,” the doctor tries to explain, typing away on her omnitool. “You’ve been out for about fifteen hours.” 

“It’s my fault”, Kaidan suddenly chimes in, startling Shepard. Guild is written all over his face as he comes into view. “I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You pushed me out of the way."

Right, there was green light. Lynette's memory slowly comes back. There was that light, the pull of energy, the chaotic and overwhelming images. 

Shepard turns to her head slightly towards the Sentinel, her voice soft. “Kaidan, you couldn’t have known what would happen.”

His guilt ridden expression slowly melts, the tension in his shoulders easing. Shepard can tell he’s been agonizing over it.

Chakwas shakes her head slightly. “Whatever happened, unfortunately, we’ll never fully understand.”

Lynette frowons at her but before she can ask, Kaidan explains the situation. “The beacon exploded and the blast knocked you out cold. I had to carry you back to the ship.”

Shepard exhales slowly, the memory of the impact becomes clearer now. “Thanks, Kaidan. I appreciate it.” She offers him a small, grateful smile, and he returns it, shy but genuine.

Suddenly a thought strikes her like a hammer. “Where is Nihlus?”

Chakwas hesitates for a moment, calculating her next words. “He’s alive. For now. But it’s not looking good. Captain Anderson ordered us to get him to the Citadel as quickly as possible. He’s in a coma.” Karin releases a deep breath, “he lost a lot of blood.”

Shepard’s chest tightens as she takes the doctors words in. Damn it. She warned him going alone was reckless, and in a moment of anger, she told him to die. A wave of shame and regret crashes over her. 

“Don’t blame yourself, Shepard,” Chakwas speaks softly, sensing her turmoil. But the words don't reach Lynette.

Suddenly the med bay door hisses open and Captain Anderson strides in. He dismisses everyone with a firm nod, signaling he wants to speak to Shepard privately. Once the others leave, Anderson turns to the Commander, his face neutral. “How are you holding up?”

“I’ll live,” Shepard replies, forcing the words out.

Anderson crosses his arms behind his back, his tone heavy with concern. “I won’t sugarcoat it. Things are bad. Kryik’s life is hanging by a thread, the beacon’s destroyed. And now we’re facing a Geth invasion. The Council’s going to demand answers.”

“Of course they will.” Shepard carefully raises her head off her hand to properly look at her Captain. “I did what I could, Anderson. I really did.”

Anderson exhales deeply. “I know, Lynette. And I’ll back you all the way. You’re a damn hero in my book but that’s not why I’m here. I need to know about Saren.”

Over the next hour, Shepard recounts everything: the events on Eden Prime, the survivors’ testimonies, and the horrifying images the beacon burned into her mind.

Anderson listens intently, not once questioning her report. When she’s done, he places a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll make Saren answer for this. When we get to the Citadel, I’ll need you to testify. Are you ready for that?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard says without hesitation.

Anderson nods, satisfied. He orders her to rest and leaves to attend to his duties.

For a moment, Shepard remains seated on the cot, letting the silence settle over her. Her mind feels like a storm, too many emotions swirling at once. Aimlessly her gaze wanders until it drifts to the locked door leading to the lab. 

A part of her wants to walk away, avoiding whatever there is behind that door. But the pull to stay is stronger. Slowly, she rises from the cot and walks to the door, entering the access code with trembling hands. The door hisses open. With deep breaths she steels herself before stepping inside.

The air inside feels heavier, colder. Her breath catches as her eyes land on Nihlus.

He’s stretched out on the medical bed, surrounded by machines that beep and hum, their lights casting faint glows across his battered form. His carapace is cracked in places and tubes and wires snake around him.

Shepard steps closer, her throat tightening. She’s seen plenty of injuries in her career, plenty of soldiers downed in the field but this is different. This is him

Tears sting her eyes, blurring her vision. The guilt is crushing, a lead weight pressing down on her chest, making it hard to breathe. “I told you not to go alone,” she whispers. “Why didn’t you listen?”

Slowly she reaches out, hesitating for a moment before taking his hand in hers. His skin is warm, but he doesn’t stir. The first tear falls, then another. She wipes them away quickly, as though ashamed of them.

"Please don’t die," her voice is breaking. "Don’t leave me here to deal with this mess alone. I need you."

More tears come, streaming down her face but this time, she is unable to stop them. She presses her free hand to her face, trying to steady her breathing.

“By your damn spirits, I’m so sorry,” she murmurs, gripping his hand tighter. “I shouldn’t have said what I’ve said.” The realization of the vile things she told him feels like a punch in her guts. “Damn it, Nihlus, I’m sorry.”