Chapter Text
Acceptance.
Katsuki cries about losing what it feels like to be in love often. When he graduated from U.A. and walked side by side with Izuku, they cried together that day.
It’s unspoken between them, but Katsuki would be an idiot to think the other never caught wind of the one-sided feelings. Katsuki isn’t sure if he will ever feel at peace knowing what it feels like to have found the one.
He doesn’t believe in soulmates, not really. He didn’t at all when he was still hopeful. When he thought Izuku and him were going to be together forever, that fate would bring them together even despite the other sexuality. He never thought Izuku Midoriya was his soulmate, but somewhere along the way;
Somewhere between many failed dates and few—surprisingly successful ones. It became obvious.
Obviously, Izuku Midoriya is his soulmate.
It was a hard pill to swallow. One followed by so much grief, Denial, anger—so many more emotions Katsuki was not in the right mind frame to handle and wishes to never have to grapple with again.
So when Katsuki doesn’t manage to save someone on a mission gone wrong, or when his day has just gone so wrong and he stubs his toe, or when he hears about the drummer from his favorite childhood band passing, he cries.
He cries in the now, for what hurting currently, but, they always morph into tears shed for his younger self. Tears that seem to never run dry. Any amount of sadness always relates back to Izuku Midoriya, and Katsuki has grown to accept that, because not accepting it makes everything sad, and he has found that wallowing in the sad moment just a little longer, makes the happy moments all the better.
He doesn’t cry for his past self at Izuku and Ochako’s wedding.
He also doesn’t fully think the watershed down his cheeks are fully those of happiness and celebration. He doesn’t think the ones of Ejirou and Denki’s cheeks are either. At some point, he thinks they accepted that his dark, unfilled pit inside Katsuki wasn’t theirs to fill, nor that Katsuki wanted it to be filled in the first place.
That was a hard pill to swallow as well. One that—on many occasions made him tempted to swallow a lot of pills…He is glad for his friend the most during those nights. At some point, he took a large enough mouth full of water to get it down. To finally let himself mourn the loss of something that never existed.
With death came birth and Katsuki was able to see that love exists outside of soulmates, and soulmates exist outside of love. He wasn’t terrified when Ejirou asked him how he knew he was gay while sitting on top of a building on a cold, February morning. Both battered and exhausted from a successful patrol.
The month prior they both cries genuinely tired of joy, together, when a smaller, and fuck if Katsuki would ever utter the words allowed but, the cutest bundle of fucking joy was brought into this world. Mariko Kaminari-jirou. It was intense. They are all so young but—they are also heroes. So who fucking cares. Twenty-three could be considered middle-aged in their line of work, and A wedding is in the works once funds aren’t so tight, so they cry for their friend's special day.
It put alot into perspective for Katsuki and Ejirou. Life, death—what that even fucking means. It lights a spark beneath both of them. Katsuki’s brighter than Ejirous for a while. He reached out to Izuku and they met up for coffee.
It was hard. Katsuki still can’t look into his eyes completely without getting lost for a moment, but he had a fucking GPS now and can easily find his way back out, so he has coffee, and they talk about nothing and everything and it feels okay.
Just okay. He doesn’t walk away from the small coffee shop in their old neighborhood feeling whole like he once was before his second year of high school. He doesn’t feel broken and shattered like he did the week before graduation.
He can accept okay. He can accept the half-a-second glances he finds himself sharing with Ejirou whenever they are together. He can accept that his soulmate is his childhood best friend and that's all he ever will and can be. He can accept the Izuku midoriya-shaped hole inside him will never be filled completely, but can morph into another shape. Smaller, pointier, manlier, and—thank fucking god actually and obviously Bisexual.
fin.