Chapter Text
If Viktor wasn’t half convinced his world is ending, he’d appreciate the irony of the situation. Viktor has never been very adept at subtly. He likes to be blunt and does not tolerate bullshit on principle. Now, he’s perfectly aware that such traits are disadvantageous in certain situations, this one being among them. He tries not to snap at the man in his house too much, but that does not stop Viktor’s skin from crawling whenever he gets too near. Unfortunately, he likes to be near.
Jayce- his Jayce- was always an affectionate person, especially when they changed the circumstances of their partnership. That’s why the inconsistent affection of the person living in his apartment had been so jarring. Well, his research into Jayce’s life clearly has been fruitful, he’s behaving like himself again. (Maybe I could just stay here.) But the more he does the more Viktor feels like a cornered animal.
More than once he’s wondered if he’s lost his mind a little bit. Made the whole thing up because Jayce seems better everyday and Viktor feels a little worse as he does. He should be pleased- a month ago he would be pleased. But the sketches, the machines, the journals, they won’t leave his mind.
Stubborn as he can be, Viktor has never been very good at ignoring things.
Historically he has been very good at dealing with things on his own regardless of if he should or not. Which is exactly what he’s doing now. It’s going about as well as one would expect.
So, now their roles are reversed. This time it’s Viktor’s colleagues and friends wondering about his wellbeing. This time it’s Jayce playing the concerned, doting husband.
It’s strange to think of him as Jayce, when Viktor has every reason to believe him to be anyone but. Still, it’s Jayce’s face, his voice, his gestures, his laugh, his smile. It’s everything Viktor has known and loved about him. The similarities are so apparent that most of the time Viktor can pretend nothing is wrong. Until Jayce puts a hand on his shoulder or kisses his forehead- then that sinking feeling in his stomach grows and unease skitters down his spine.
Viktor is not particularly sentimental, but lately he’s been finding himself reminiscing. Or maybe mourning is a better word.
Jayce liked to document their lives. He journaled, saved junk as souvenirs, took photos of anything minutely significant. Photography was a hobby he picked up after the accident, something peaceful to take his mind off things and reintroduce himself to the world.
He insisted on the professional type photos for their wedding. It was a small ceremony- unreasonably small for a Piltovian noble family, even a minor house. Jayce had not yet felt comfortable with his family’s society friends at that point and Viktor always loathed such things. So it was just them, a handful of friends, and Jayce’s close relatives, of which there were few. It had been a nice day, a bit cloudy with mild weather. Viktor had not expressed it, but he was disappointed that they could see the sky properly that day. He saw so little of it in his childhood. The day otherwise went as planned, a nice simple ceremony at the Talis residence and a lovely little reception afterward. Ximena wept through her congratulations and privately gushed how happy she was that Viktor was part of their family.
Jayce kept many souvenirs from that day, and many photos.
Viktor trailed his fingers of the sepia prints. Jayce in his cream suit that had geometric elements embroidered in gold thread. The suit is in the closet somewhere, gently packed in its box. The photos, the ones that don’t get frames, had their own container they kept in the living room. Stored with it were other momentos, the flowers now dried and wilted, a spare invitation, a cork from the wine bottle they opened that night.
Viktor used to tease Jayce over his sentimentality, he’s grateful for it now.
“What are you looking at?” Jayce’s voice asks behind him.
“Wedding photos,” he answers stiffly. He does not turn around to look at him, but Viktor can feel the excitement with his back turned. Jayce’s joy always had a way of filtering through a room, even this one’s eagerness to look permeates the space.
Jayce sits down next to him and reaches into the box. He pulls out a few photos and carefully looks over them. Eyes bright with interest. Viktor clutches the one in his hand tighter. He thinks of the journals in the lab, where this man documented as much information as he could find about them. Not in the way his husband likes to keep sweet memories in boxes, but the way a scientist studies unfamiliar life, the way an assassin studies their mark. Jayce’s finger runs along a photo, over Viktor’s smiling face. Jayce wanted to frame that one but Viktor wouldn’t let him. He hates how he looks in it, his smile is too obviously strained and he looks like he’d rather be anywhere else. Viktor was unused to being around cameras and the end result was a few photos where Viktor looks like he’s being held at gunpoint.
“This one’s nice,” Jayce murmurs, “Why don’t we put it up.”
“You know why,” Viktor says indignantly.
Jayce looks up at him, “I do?” Viktor only glares at him briefly from the corner of his eyes, before turning back to look at the photos.
Jayce sighs, “You’re mad at me,” he says plainly. If only it were so simple. “Come on Vik, talk to me.”
Jayce never called him Vik. He called him V or Vitya if not his name. Although he did use nicknames when Viktor was mad at him, to try and tug at his heart. He found it endearing then. It was not endearing when this one did the same.
“I’m not mad,” Viktor says without any inflection, “Why would I be mad?”
Jayce brought a hand around to his shoulder, rubbing in circles to try and soothe the tension out of his shoulders. It did not work. “I’m worried about you, you know.”
“Pity,” Viktor says and shoves the photos back in the box.
Jayce squawks indignantly when Viktor snatches them out of his hand to put away, “I was looking at those too!”
Viktor hums, “Well you have the memories of them, don’t you? That works well enough.”
Jayce shifts uncomfortably, “So do you.”
“Yes, so do I. I was merely checking on what condition the photos were in. Well, as you can see they are fine.” Viktor says, snapping the box shut. “I have to go into the lab,” he says airily, “Sky wanted me to look over the designs for the new cable cars.”
Jayce opened his mouth to speak but Viktor was already on his feet and heading towards the door. “I’ll be back late,” Viktor tells him, “So don’t wait up.”
That’s how the rest of the week goes. Viktor is irritable and snaps at Jayce. Jayce is hurt and worried. Viktor puts distance between them and Jayce tries to close it- sometimes he almost falls for it because this Jayce is so much like the one he loves and oh does Viktor miss him dearly. Of course, before Viktor does, he says something strange or Viktor remembers what he found in the lab. It’s a painful ebb and flow for the both of them it seems.
Although Viktor can’t for the life of him figure out why the fake Jayce cares so much about what Viktor thinks of him or how Viktor is doing. He can’t pinpoint why he took over Jayce’s life. He doesn’t gain much social capital off it. Jayce is a professor at the Academy- he occasionally publishes research papers but nothing noteworthy enough to warrant stealing his identity. Jayce puts his heart and soul into teaching instead and is beloved by his students. Jayce no longer has lucrative connections outside of Heimerdinger as most people cut ties with him after the Hexgate accident. There was Caitlyn, but for a Kiramman she did not have much societal influence and her relationship with her parents was increasingly strained- especially since she befriended that Zaunite girl. What did he have to gain from being Jayce? Hextech knowledge? Jayce wasn’t the only one with hextech knowledge. The journal suggested staying to live a peaceful life. Specifically with Viktor. But why?
Jayce gets more high strung everyday. With each instance of Viktor pushing his buttons, Viktor making comments about his so called memories. Perhaps it’s unwise, but he doesn’t care. Let him squirm, what’s he going to do about it? Kill Viktor? Despite what this thing is doing, has already done, he seems keen to gain Viktor’s approval. His bouts of anger or frustration are few and far between since their last confrontation. Viktor isn’t afraid of what he’ll do to him. Not yet anyway. He cares more about what’s already been done to Jayce.
Unfortunately, Viktor can’t glean anymore information. He went back to Jayce’s lab one night and didn’t find anything new, just confirmations of the first time.
Part of Viktor wants to leave their apartment until this is all sorted. But he doesn’t know where else he could go. He doesn’t have many people where he’d feel comfortable turning to who aren’t also close with Jayce. Their lives have been so intertwined for years, Viktor didn’t notice until now.
So he stays. He avoids Jayce most meals and works as much as he can. He goes to sleep later or earlier than him and always wakes up to Jayce’s arms wrapped around him or his head on Viktor’s chest. It makes Viktor feel sick. Most of all because he doesn’t think it is a malicious, conscious action. Jayce likes to be held or to hold in his sleep. It was normal for Viktor to wake up closer to Jayce than he fell asleep. It might just be muscle memory at work. It makes him want to throw up, or maybe cry, or throw something at the wall. He does none of these things, instead he wraps his hands in hope. Hope that it’s a sign that some part of his husband is still there.
It’s going to boil over eventually. One of them has to snap sooner or later. He doesn’t know who will break first, he just hopes he gets some answers out of it.
•
It does, in fact, boil over sooner rather than later. The week passes with Viktor growing increasingly waspish and accusatory. He’s not sure what he’s trying to accomplish by questioning Jayce’s every other move. Maybe he snaps and gives up on his charade, maybe he leaves and Viktor doesn’t have to see him again wearing Jayce’s handsome features and pleasant smile.
It’s only natural that Viktor is the one that breaks first.
“What is your problem?” Jayce asks with an exacerbated sigh.
Viktor doesn’t dignify him with a response. He’s not even entirely sure what he’s arguing about now. Everything said and done by Jayce is now colored with malice, with loss, with confusion. It doesn’t matter what he says, all Viktor can wonder is if it’s true or a practiced concoction to emulate his husband.
“Viktor,” he says again. “Please talk to me.”
Viktor stares at the hideous, gaudy clock in their main room from his seat at the table. Caitlyn made it in some sort of workshop class she did with friends and bless her heart, it’s clear her hands are only gifted with firearms. It’s crooked, the stain is uneven, the carvings are incomprehensible. Viktor was never actually sure if the jagged lines in the wood were supposed to form an image at all and he felt it too rude to ask. She had given it as a housewarming gift and seemed somewhat proud of herself, all though Viktor doesn’t think she has continued her artistic pursuits.
Jayce snaps his fingers to get his attention, “Are you with me?”
“Do you remember who gave you that clock?” Viktor asks, pointing to it.
Jayce blinks in confusion, “Huh?” he follows the line drawn by Viktor’s finger, “Um… I, why?”
Viktor shrugs, “Just curious, it seems to have slipped my mind.”
“Oh… ah,” Jayce stumbles over his words, “I don’t remember either, it’s been so long.” He laughs nervously.
Viktor hums quietly, “Curious.”
“You’re trying to pick a fight,” Jayce says bluntly. “I know you are, can we just skip this part and get to what’s bothering you?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Viktor says airily, refusing to look at Jayce’s face. It’s so hard to look at him these days.
“You’re being difficult on purpose,” Jayce complains.
“Well, you’re the one who married me,” Viktor points out, “You remember what you signed up for.”
Jayce squints at him, “You keep saying that,” he muses mostly to himself. “Remembering- Are you still on about my so-called brain tumor or whatever?”
“Of course not, I’m no fool. And neither is our doctor.” Viktor says plainly. “You’re right as rain, I am aware.”
Jayce sighs, “Look, I’m sorry I was out of it for a while, okay? Is that it?” He reaches his arm out to place his hand over Viktor’s, but Viktor snatches away and stands abruptly.
“It’s late,” is all he says.
Jayce sighs and Viktor can practically hear him roll his eyes, “No, come on Viktor, let's hash this out now.”
Viktor finally turns to look at him properly, “Hash what out?”
“What’s been upsetting you.”
Viktor raises his eyebrows slightly, “I’m not upset, is there something I should be upset over?”
Jayce actually does roll his eyes this time and stands up as well, “Why won’t you just be straight with me? It’s not like you to beat around the bush.”
“Yes,” Viktor agrees, “And you would know what is and isn’t like me.”
Jayce looks at him, puzzled, “Of course, I do! I’ve known you for years- we’re partners for goodness sake!”
“Funny,” Viktor says dryly, “It feels like it’s only been a few months.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Viktor-“
Viktor doesn’t know why it’s this specific moment, on this specific day that the dam breaks. Maybe it’s just been too many days, too many hours of sleeping next to a stranger. Of sharing meals with him. Of him reaching across the gap between them to put a hand on Viktor’s shoulder or back or what else. Maybe it’s been too long of staring his husband in the eye and not knowing who he’s looking at. At seeing Jayce’s eyes, his lips, his nose, his grin, his frown and not recognizing it anymore.
“Only that I can’t seem to place who you are.” Viktor says in an icy voice.
Jayce holds his head in his hand, “Viktor, enough riddles.”
“Not a fan of riddles?” Viktor asks. “Just lying and lurking about then with your stupid fucking research?” he snaps with a bite that’s been growing for days.
Jayce looks downtrodden and a little hopeless, “I thought things have been better,” he says. “Why can’t you trust me?”
“Let me be more clear,” Viktor hisses, taking a decisive step towards Jayce, “I do not know you.”
“Of course you do-“
“Who designed our wedding rings?” Viktor blurts out and a flurry of distinctly accusatory questions fall from his mouth. “When did we move in together? What was the first class you taught? What is our neighbor’s name? The one that invited us to the holiday party last year?”
Jayce flounders- opening and closing his mouth, starting a response then cutting himself. Viktor hardly lets him get a word in edge wide, but they both know it wouldn’t matter. Realization dawns slowly on Jayce’s face, “Oh, oh no.”
“Hm,” Viktor hums with flared his nostrils.
Jayce looks completely panicked, he mumbles something under his breath before trying to take a step closer to Viktor. Viktor takes a step back in turn and eyes the front door behind him. He did not think this through at all, but at least the exit is not blocked.
“Viktor,” Jayce says with quiet urgency, “What did you do.”
Viktor scoffs indignantly, “What did I do? What did I do? What have you done?”
Jayce swallows nervously, “Just, how much do you know? So we’re on the same page here. I promise I can explain,” he rambles on with fluttering hands. “What do you know.”
Viktor shifts back slightly more and straightens himself the best he can, “I know you’re working with hextech, I know you’re lying to me, I know you’re not supposed to be here, I know you’re not Jayce. Tell me, what am I missing.”
Jayce takes a deep breath and runs a nervous hand over his face, “This is- fuck,” he mumbles to himself. “Okay, we can start small. Firstly, I am Jayce.”
“Billshit,” Viktor interjects immediately, “Fucking bullshit- I know who I married and you are-” he breaths in shakily to gather himself, “What the fuck did you do to him?”
Viktor has never shied away from risks. Not when he snuck into the Academy without an acceptance letter. Not when he broke into Heimerdinger’s lab with Jayce. Not when he started building hextech using lab safety rules only as recommendations. This might take the cake for him. He can almost hear his Jayce hissing in his ear asking what the hell was he doing? Antagonizing the man of unknown but possibly malicious motives currently caught in a lie is not the advisable type of risk.
But Viktor wants answers- and he’s never not taken what he wants.
“I didn’t do anything to him!” Jayce shouts. He quiets his voice and reaches out to cup Viktor’s face, “I promise, I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose.”
Viktor smacks his hand out of the way, “Don’t touch me,” he spits. “If that’s the case, then where is he? Where is my fucking husband?”
Guilt washes over Jayce’s face as he steps back, “I don’t know, I promise I don’t know. I didn’t even mean to end up here- I thought,” his voice chokes up, “I thought we’d just die, I didn’t mean to end up here.”
“Who’s we? Who are you?” Viktor demands.
“I told you,” he says desperately. “I am Jayce. Not- not your Jayce. I’m from a different timeline- don’t look at me like that! I’m not lying, I swear it.”
Viktor hums, “Fine, you are Jayce and you are from an,” he waves his hand around, “alternate reality of sorts. So, what? Hextech went too far in your world and made you accidently steal my husband’s identity.”
Jayce’s shoulders slump in defeat, “I mean… yeah. I guess that’s the simple way of putting it.” Something akin to fondness then flickers in Jayce’s eyes. The same look Viktor saw when he and Jayce cracked hextech, or when Viktor’s renewable energy project was a success. Viktor feels violent- he wants to claw that look off his face. He wants to run away and never come back. He wants to go to bed and forget he ever got in this situation. He wants his husband back.
“So, we can send you back then? If what you are saying is true, you can be sent back.” Viktor realizes.
Panic flitters across Jayce’s face, “Wait, wait- I don’t even know if that’s possible.”
“You were working with hextech, no?” Viktor points out. “If you could make it there, you could replicate it here.”
“I haven’t figured out how to replicate it-“
“Well, I’ll help you.”
“But-“
“But? There is no but!” Viktor snaps. “I only see two viable options here if we go with your story,” he holds up a finger, “One: your being here supplanted Jayce’s consciousness and your leaving will bring him back.” He holds up another finger, “Or two: It doesn’t bring him back in which case you’ll leave his godforsaken plane so I can plan my husband’s funeral in peace!” His voice breaks slightly at the end as reality settles in again. Viktor doesn’t know how to plan a funeral. He doesn’t remember what life without Jayce is like. He doesn’t want to remember.
Jayce looks like a kicked puppy. But he at least seems surprisingly understanding and nods, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to.
“Why?” Viktor asks him. “Why do you need to keep his life?”
Jayce looks down, “I don’t know if there is anything to go back to,” he confesses. “It was- it was war. I saw the future of my timeline and tried to prevent it but I don’t know if it even worked.”
“People rebuild after war,” Viktor says.
Jayce shakes his head, “You don’t understand. There was nothing left. Just ruins and half-alive, robotic drones. Nothing for miles except for them and…” he gets quiet. “He was there, somewhat. But I don’t think he will be anymore.”
“Who?” Viktor demands again.
“You- or well, my Viktor.” Jayce sinks to the floor against the wall and rests his head between his knees. “I survived, so maybe he did too. But I don’t know where he is or where to look and I don’t know if- I don’t know how to do this without you,” he whispers.
Viktor feels some of the anger bleed out of him. A few years ago, when his health took a turn for the worse, Viktor collapsed and woke in a hospital bed. Jayce had been there, looking not unlike this Jayce does now.
“We were close then? In your universe,” Viktor asks in a softer voice.
Jayce nods without looking up, “Yeah, we were. Well, things fell apart a little in the middle. But it was always you and me at the end. We’re partners.”
“So we are,” Viktor sighs and nexts a small step forward.
“Viktor- I am sorry, for the record. I never meant to blow up your life like this.” He sighs and states sadly up at him, “I didn’t want to hurt you… or your Jayce for that matter. And I meant it when I said I love you.”
“You don’t know me,” Viktor says.
“Don’t need to,” Jayce replies easily, “It’s you.”
Viktor blinks at him, unsure of how to respond. He shakes his head slightly as if it would let the swarm of thoughts and emotions slide out. “I can’t do this right now. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Yeah,” Jayce says quietly, “That’s probably a good idea. It’s late. I- uh,” he pauses, “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
Viktor nods gently, “Thank you,” he says too sincerely.
Jayce gives him a small, sad smile. “I’m sorry, really.”
“I know,” Viktor tells him as he moves towards the bedroom.
He doubts tonight will be a peaceful rest.
•
Viktor drifts in and out of sleep, snapping awake every twenty minutes or so. He gives up eventually and uses the time to think. He needs to think, to plan, to figure something out.
When did his life end up like this?
Viktor had never planned to marry. Granted, he also never expected to live this long. Still, it never seemed in the cards. There was too much for him to do and so little time. He had something to offer the world, something good and important, yet he seemingly had a fraction of the time everyone else had. Besides, Viktor was not good with people. He could be polite when the situation necessitates, but as soon as things progress to be more personal it falls apart. He can be waspish and arrogant. He’s a terrible workaholic, especially in youth. Not to mention that people were as bad with Viktor as he was with them. They’d speak over him, ignore his worth, question his capabilities, make snide remarks about his upbringing. Marriage just wasn’t in the cards.
Then came Jayce, with his bright smiles and hopeful dreams. Jayce, who wanted to share those dreams with Viktor. Jayce, who thought Viktor was charming and intelligent. Then Viktor got more time, then the future wasn’t closing in on him with monumental pressure.
No, he had never planned to marry. But with Jayce things simply fell into place. For once, the prospect seemed right. Jayce had been the one to first suggest it, with a shy smile talking about how they could spend the rest of their lives together. Viktor didn’t understand what he was implying and only asked what else they were doing.
Marriage is a funny thing in the Undercity. It was significantly less formal than in Piltover. Most couples didn’t bother registering their marriage with the state. Whether it be because they couldn’t spare the money for the fee or because they didn’t trust the government with intimate knowledge. Many held parties and ceremonies for their friends and families. Many did nothing at all and the words husband, wife, spouse, partner just started falling from their mouths naturally. Rings were a common signifier of a life partnership as in Piltover, but some also had other tokens. Pins, pendants, tattoos, bracelets, scarves.
Viktor’s own parents never officially married. They welded rings for each other and had a small party for what family was left in the Undercity. But there was no paper trail of their affection. Viktor remembered a couple he lived near as a child who didn’t marry either- whether socially or officially- but everyone knew they came as a pair permanently. There was no need for proof or an explanation.
Even when marriage seemed in the cards, Viktor did not consider going through with it the official way. It just didn’t register as a thing to do for him. Apparently, in Piltover, that is taken as disinterest which couldn’t be further from the truth. They cleared up their little misunderstanding quickly enough. Jayce was over the moon and insisted on proposing properly because apparently there was a proper way to do that too.
Piltover generally had two types of marriage proposals.
One, for the uptight business ventures, where it is done as an agreement between families in a very similar manner to trade agreements. Two, the overly sappy romantic kind- often in public to Viktor’s horror but not necessarily- for the non-nobility.
You can guess which one Jayce wanted to do. (Although Viktor successfully pleaded with him to tone it down. The actual affair was a very sweet, private thing after purchasing their apartment.)
Actually getting officially married was a surreal experience. Viktor’s career was picking up at the time but not to the degree it is now. It was strange, tying himself to a specific moment. Piltover, House Talis, are the types to keep records. A few generations from now, some could stumble down a rabbit hole of records and find Viktor.
Jayce made a joke when Viktor finished the paperwork that involved him taking Jayce’s last name. Something about it being easier now for people to look him up in archives and libraries in the future. You just saved some poor kid struggling to research his history paper.
For most of Viktor’s life, he struggled with the notion of being remembered, of being important, of transcending time. For most of his life, it seemed like that was his only option. He wanted longlasting proof of the things he was capable of, acknowledgment of his work and sacrifice. He wanted to make a difference, he wanted to improve lives because at times it seemed like no one else would.
He wanted remembrance, he wanted greatness, he wanted success. But the more he worked towards that, the harder it seemed. The closer he got, the more it looked like people would not want to remember him. To be great, he’d have to walk back on his principles and goals of improvement.
Viktor has a rudimentary knowledge of history, but when thinks of all the names from history books he can pick out by memory, he struggles to think of what good they did. The tangible type of good that people experience each day. Who redesigned the roads, who redesigned distribution systems, who wrote the laws that improved working conditions, who figured out how to make bread and cheese. Who was the first to weave cloth, to make paint, to map the stars. All the things people need to survive, the things people need to live. The people who are remembered changed the game- put new pieces on the board, took old ones off, altered the landscape, changed the rules. Some of it led to good, a lot of it led to bad. Very little of the good prevented or improved the suffering Viktor experienced and witnessed as a child.
Politics involves using lives as stepping stones, driving knives into backs, shutting people out in the snow. Viktor had no interest in politics, not when he started at the Academy, not when the Council breathed down their necks to prioritize the Hexgates, and not when they washed their hands of him afterward.
In a world where kindness is a crime and cruelty is expected, improving lives is revolutionary. It may not change the world enough to be the name on everyone’s mouth, but it changed people. Individuals who can carry out the rest of change for generations to come. Is it not enough to clear the path? To make it so those like him do not have to scrape and claw and bite their way to success like he had to? Is it not enough to be remembered by those people instead of the blood feeding collective?
Hextech was supposed to be Viktor’s ticket to getting somewhere to being someone. Reality crept its claws into his back quickly enough. When his plans of air purifiers, improved factory equipment, and cleaner energy were shunted aside for the elite’s transportation and economic interests. Lives were lost to Piltover’s greed, to Viktor’s ambition.
Viktor did not wallow, he did not have time to wallow. Time was a luxury Viktor never had the fortune of exploiting. He joined new projects. He made the air purifiers and renewable generators. He met with Zaun leaders to open pathways to the Academy, to offer insight into the inner workings of the Council. He found ways to do good and work towards his goals that didn’t bleed people dry.
Maybe people centuries down the line will not remember them lest they become historical scholars. But Vander sends him letters updating him on how his inventions are working in the Undercity. But the air in his childhood streets isn’t thick enough to choke you out anymore. But Jayce in his vows said Viktor changed his life infinitely.
Part of Viktor still wants to have that unwavering legacy. But he’s seen what legacy means to the world. The static coldness of Piltover’s statues. The constant, unseeing perception of your person.
Viktor found more fulfillment in his work when combined with the intaminely honest perception that comes with personal connections, with love. The knowledge that Jayce and the others Viktor has bonded with over the years would remember him as he was and for what he actually did made the obliviousness of the rest of the world less daunting and infuriating. Viktor wants to be remembered as a person, not a statue. Happiness need not be in conflict with professional success. What good is isolation to his work when it means only his fleeting memories know the truth?
His conviction in this wavers now that he’s found himself in the position of the rememberer and not the remembered. Viktor is the person that loves Jayce profoundly, as Jayce loved him. It’s his memory that facilitates Jayce’s legacy and life after death if they can’t get him back. There are others who will do the same, certainly, but not yet. Viktor is the sole keeper of the Jayce he loves as of now, while an imposter takes his place.
Viktor is willing to believe the other Jayce. What he’s says about alternate timelines and the Arcane makes sense, it fits into what Viktor already knows, and it explains the unusual amounts of sincerity coming from the man. This Jayce, who he knows little about. Viktor knows that this Jayce only drinks black coffee, that his hextech dreams were successful, that he regrets it, that he lost his Viktor.
He claims to love Viktor- not just the one he knew but him as well.
Viktor doesn’t understand that.
He loves Jayce, that’s not a question. He loves his hope, his eyes, his drive, his mind, his kindness. He loves Jayce’s insistence on documenting their lives. He loves the way his face goes soft when he listens to a song he likes. He loves Jayce’s eagerness to improve the world. He loves his passion for science and discovery. He loves how he tries to pretend like he’s not competitive during games only to immediately contradict himself.
But this man? Viktor does not know this man. Maybe he did many years ago before their world diverged into two separate ones. Or maybe their worlds diverged before they met, before either of them were ever born. Maybe Viktor does not know this man at all.
Lovers and poets like to proclaim they’d love any version of their beloved. But there is a difference between loving who someone has become, or in spite of who they’ve become, and loving a stranger for their resemblance to a lover.
Viktor married a man named Jayce Talis- who likes a specific ratio of honey in his tea, of sweetener in his coffee, who likes loud music and romantic tragedies, who is a well-loved professor at the Academy, who is a leading researcher in geology
In the next room is a Jayce Talis, but not the one he married. Not the one that slid a ring onto Viktor’s finger.
That Jayce Talis doesn’t see much a difference between Viktor and the one he left behind somewhere- or maybe he just doesn’t want to. The Viktor he knew is probably dead. It’s a little odd to think about that, that here is another very real, non-hypothetical version of him that is dead while he lives. There’s probably an unending amount of dead Viktors in the cosmos. He wonders how many dead Viktors have living Jayces mourning them.
Viktor is alive. He’s never not been alive despite the many close calls. He doesn’t want to be a stand-in, a replacement, for someone else and he doesn’t want a replacement for his Jayce.
But Viktor thinks, what would he do in that position? What would he do if he knowingly lost Jayce then stumbled upon another version of him after? It didn’t sound like Jayce had been mourning long, his loss is still fresh and he’s been presented with a solution whereas Viktor has been presented with a problem.
Perhaps in the cosmos somewhere, the version of him trying to get this Jayce back just as Viktor is trying to do here.
Where is his Jayce right now? Was his being overwritten entirely by this other version of him, will this version leave behind nothing but a husk? Is he aware? Has he been watching someone else live his life, watching Viktor do nothing to stop it? He’s he in pain? Is he tired?
He’s going to find a way to get him back. He doesn’t care what he has to do to get there.
•
There’s coffee waiting for him when he finally gets out of bed. Jayce is there too with his own cup, just sitting at the kitchen table staring straight ahead.
Viktor approaches him cautiously, “Are you having a stroke?” he asks. He means it to be a joke, or maybe a jab is more accurate, but his voice is hoarse and inflectionless.
Jayce looks up at him- Viktor is taken aback by how unkempt he seems. He looks like he’s been crying. “What?” he mumbles in a tired voice.
Viktor says nothing, so for a few moments they just stare at each other. Then Viktor sits down. He feels like he’s waiting for something
“He likes it the same way,” Jayce says quietly. “My Viktor, I mean. I’m shocked his teeth never rotted out.” It feels like a confession, or a peace offering.
“Jayce is overly particular about his coffee,” Viktor offers in turn, “It’s ridiculous.” He aches to think about it. Jayce with his overly complicated orders and his petulant complaints.
“I’m sorry,” Jayce says again. “I’m sure he’ll be okay once I’m gone.” Viktor raises an eyebrow at his change of heart “I know I need to go back,” Jayce continues. “Not just because I don’t belong here. I- my mom, Mel, Cait. They may all still be alive.” Then he adds under his breath, “You might still be alive.”
“I’m glad we’ve come to an understanding,” Viktor says in his polite, I’m-talking-business voice. “Although I still don’t fully understand why you were insistent on staying here.”
Jayce stares at his mug, “I thought I knew what I wanted. I wanted to change the world, put magic in the hands of the people. And I did or almost did, I thought I had everything.” Jayce put his head in his hands. “Then everything went to shit- The fighting got worse, hextech got pushed into directions we never wanted, and-“ he sighs, “God, Viktor. I lost you so many times over and over again.”
He leans back in his chair a bit and looks fondly around the room. “I guess I started to realize I didn’t need all that to be happy or fulfilled. Then I ended up here and everything is so much better. So much better. I could have had all of this if I had just done things right.”
“Might alleviate some of Jayce’s guilt to hear the world was better off without hextech,” Viktor muses.
“Yeah,” Jayce agrees, “Make sure he knows how good he has it,” he says without concealing his bitterness.
Viktor scowls at him. “Jayce is a good man,” he defends. What does this Jayce know about his husband? Same name, similar beginning but he’s not him. He can guess and assume but he cannot know.
“I’m sure he is,” Jayce replies, voice still sounding resentful. “Everyone here seems to love him despite what happened. People loved me back home for what I represented but here people genuinely like him. He has all these thank you letters from students, people come up to me and ask about my day, my mom, you. And they actually want to know half the time. It’s not just politics.” Jayce shakes his head as if he’s in a dream, “He has a good job, he helps people…” his voice trails off.
“I mean,” Jayce murmurs, “We’re married in this universe.” He stares out the window and twists the wedding ring on his hand with his fingers.
Viktor immediately feels something lodge in this throat. His fingers twitch with the urge to pry the ring off his hand because no they are not married. This is not the man he married. Jayce was always so protective and careful with that ring and now a near stranger is playing with it.
Viktor doesn’t, instead he swallows the lump in his throat, “But not in yours?” he asks curiously, taking a sip of coffee.
Jayce’s face turns ever so slightly pink, “No, we were… we were never like that.”
“Funny,” Viktor says humorlessly, “How differently people can end up.” It isn’t the most shocking news, again, they are different people leading different lives. But Jayce looks sheepish and a little regretful. “Ah,” Viktor murmurs, “But you wanted to.”
Jayce sputters, “I mean, it’s never really something that crossed my mind. Not entirely anyway- not until… It doesn’t matter!” he rambles, red in the face.
“Pity,” Viktor says with a slight, teasing smile. This time with humor beginning to actually edge into his voice. “He wasn’t interested?”
“Well, I don’t really know. We never got to talk about that before,” Jayce waves his hand in an embarrassed gesture, “Exploding? But we are tied together, I know that.”
“Tied together?” Viktor wonders.
“Magic saved my life as a kid- me and my mom- that’s what started me down this road.”
“Yes…” Viktor says slowly, “I’ve heard the story before.”
Jayce gave a small smile, “That was you.”
Viktor is taken aback, “Pardon?”
He laughs awkwardly, sounding a bit surprised and mystified himself, “That mage was you. Or a version of you- trying to make a better outcome, for both of us.”
Viktor blinks at him slowly, mouth agape. “I am not telling him… that part.” Viktor says carefully, “I’ll never hear the end of it.” Viktor doesn’t have time to think about the implications of that if true. He doesn’t believe in fate, although does it count as fate if it is manufactured by a singular, desperate man? Viktor taps his fingernails along the table. “We need to discuss how to proceed. What have you been working on in the lab?”
“You don’t want to hear about the other timelines?” Jayce asks.
“You don’t paint an appealing picture,” Viktor says bluntly, “And I’ve learned dwelling on what-ifs is counterproductive to the pursuit of progress.”
“Yeah,” Jayce agrees quietly, “That’s fair.” He clears his throat, “I’ve been sent to an alternate reality before through an Anomaly with the Arcane. I’ve been trying to recreate a controlled version of it to hopefully send me back.” He pauses and looks at Viktor, “You broke into the lab didn’t you? That’s how you figured it out.”
“Eh, it’s hardly breaking in if you have a key, no?” Viktor says.
Jayce's face briefly erupts in earnest joy and affection. He laughs, “Of course…” he says to himself. “Anyway, I’ll probably make better progress with you helping me.”
“Certainly, few things are accomplished through solo endeavors.”
Jayce snorts, “I think my Viktor would probably disagree.” His face has a far-away expression that sours.
“I don’t know what happened to you exactly, but given your predicament I don’t think it is unreasonable for you to hope he lived.” Viktor says as gently as he can manage.
“Yeah,” Jayce murmurs thoughtfully, “What else can I do but that.”
“Then I see this as an equal trade off.” Viktor says with conviction. “I help you to your Viktor, you help return my Jayce. How far have you gotten with this Anomaly?”
“Not far enough,” he says, “The problem is, I don’t know what caused it initially. But contact with it facilitates interdimensional travel and I think I’ve constructed a less volatile way to hold it.” Jayce snaps his fingers, “That kid, Ekko, he had a device like that. I’m not entirely sure what it did but it contained an Anomaly. I think I was able to create something similar.”
“Ekko?” Viktor murmurs. It makes sense, now that he considered it. Ekko was a clever inventor Heimerdinger is fond of. Viktor had met him once or twice.
Jayce continues to explain the roadblocks he’s hit in recreating the Anomaly. He speaks with an urgency that surprises Viktor. He was expecting to have to push harder to get him to agree to this. “You seemed convinced to stay before, but you’ve been looking for a way home. Why?” Viktor asks.
“I told you, I know I have to leave. I can’t leave Piltover to the dust and… you’re- he’s still out there… somewhere.” He sighs as his eyes close, “I wasn’t going to stay, not really I don’t think. It’s just… tempting.” He looks at Viktor, “I mean what would you do if you accidently stumbled into the perfect version of your life?”
“No such thing exists in reality,” Viktor says simply, “It’s not how the world or the human mind works. People are inclined to desire something other than what they have in any circumstance.” Viktor stares at the ring on his finger. His gaze flicks across the room to the dishes in the sink, Jayce’s photos on the wall, the blueprints he has to bring to Sky. “And in all honesty, I quite like this life.”
He recalls all the odd looks this Jayce has given him over the last several months. The grief, the awe, the love. “I’ve nearly lost my Jayce before and have had my own close calls. I can understand the desperation caused by grief and fear.”
Jayce gives him an unreadable look then nods slightly.
“I’m aware I’m not in the position to make demands,” Viktor says and Jayce wrinkles his brow in confusion, “But have some conditions to this partnership.”
When Jayce nods slowly, Viktor continues. “I’m going to be operating under the impression that my Jayce will be alive when this is over- and I would like for him to wake up and not find his life in tatters.”
Jayce looks at him, “I don’t understand?”
“I must insist you are careful and lay low as we work. Continue as if you are Jayce but don't make any decisions for him.” He huffs slightly, “I loathe to admit it but you have gotten better at emulating him.”
He clears his throat, “I also would like to request. I am not comfortable, to put it plainly.” He’s had to many sleeplessness of wondering who was lying next to him, now the thought of it fills him with a profound sense of loss.
Jayce nods vigorously, “Of course, I understand completely- I, uh, I can sleep in the lab… if that’s better?”
Viktor waves his hand dismissively, “I don’t want people asking questions if they notice. His students are unfathomably nosy. We’ll fit a portable mattress in the apartment center.”
Jayce laughs at Viktor’s comment, “Yeah, I noticed that. It’s a little endearing, though. I’m sure there’s a conspiracy board in an Academy dorm already.”
Ugh, Viktor doesn’t even want to think about that. His Jayce also found his students’ curiosity endearing, Viktor found it more akin to an invasion of privacy. “Another condition,” Viktor says while holding a finger up then pointing to Jayce’s hand, “I would like the ring back, for now.”
“What?” Jayce asks with scrunched brows. Then he looks down at the wedding ring he’s playing with. “Oh,” he says, almost sounding sorrowful, “Yeah, yeah of course. He gently twists it off his finger and hands it to Viktor.
Viktor takes the white gold ring and squeezes in his hand, “Thank you,” he says sincerely. “I- he wouldn’t like someone else having it. I don’t think.”
Jayce nods, “Yeah, of course. I understand. It’s just-“ he rubs his neck awkwardly, “Will people not ask about? I feel like I messed around his social life enough as is.”
“You lost it,” Viktor says firmly, “If anyone asks, you lost.”
“Got it,” Jayce agreed. “What’s your work schedule? We can go into the lab today.”
Viktor shakes his head, “I have other commitments I can not avoid. But we should start as soon as possible.”
“Tomorrow?” Jayce offers.
“Tomorrow,” Viktor agrees.
•
Viktor wasn’t entirely truthful when he said he didn’t want to know about the other timeline. He stands by not dwelling on the futility of what-ifs, but something about them is intrinsically fascinating. He was being truthful when he said he liked his life- he did. It's a good life and it’s a good life that he earned. But isn’t it fascinating to hear what could have been?
He learns more about the other Jayce- sometimes unwittingly, sometimes through his own inquiries. It makes things a little easier to deal with, talking while they work. It makes him seem less like a shadowy monster lurking in his home and more like a man he can recognize.
He’s not his Jayce, that has always been clear. This Jayce is tired and world-weary, he likes different music and restaurants. He lived a different life and career. But some things are recognizably Jayce. His animated expression, the fondness and respect he speaks with when talking about his mother, his half-coherent mumblings while he works through a problem.
His Viktor is different too, from what he hears. Aloof and exhausted. Apparently a worse workaholic than he himself is. Jayce tells him about how that Viktor’s condition was worse, dying in the bombing, the Hexcore, the Glorious Revolution.
It’s equal parts fascinating and disturbing.
So few circumstances, so few decisions, between what he is and what he could have become.
He says so much to Jayce, who goes quiet. Viktor can see the gears clicking and turning in his head as an unshared thought forms- it’s an expression he shares with his Jayce.
“Maybe,” Jayce finally reveals one day, “Maybe when I go back we can send me to a different period. Then I can try to fix everything- or at least make it better.”
“Sounds risky,” Viktor observes, “But, if you think it’s worth it.”
Jayce doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t need to. Viktor can see the distant expression on his face, the twinkle in his eye. To him, it’s probably worth it. Viktor doesn’t entirely blame him- what wouldn’t he do to have Jayce back, after all?
They build and build and test and refine. It should be impossible work, but they are both intimately familiar with redefining reality.
Jayce tells him about his successful work with hextech, and Viktor does the same with his work in Zaun. Tensions with Zaun and Piltover are high, but it seems worse in Jayce’s world. For as successful hextech was, they didn’t succeed in handing it to the people.
“If I can go back in time,” Jayce tells him, “I’ll stop hextech from ever hitting the market. I won’t let it ruin everything this time.”
“Did hextech itself destroy your world or was it how it was wielded?” Viktor asks him.
“What’s the difference?”
Viktor shrugs, “What’s the difference between a sword hung on a wall or one carried by a soldier?”
Jayce smooths a gemstone around his palm, “The Arcane was corrupted somehow. I don’t know if it was innate to it or a product of overuse,”
Viktor hums as he screws an energy booster to the back of their contraption, “Hard to say.”
“Don’t,” Jayce says desperately, “Don’t try it again here.”
“I won’t,” Viktor promises, “Ximena would have my head.”
It takes a month to create a containable Anomaly. Viktor is a little shocked that the process didn’t end the world. Viktor is shocked enforcers aren’t banging on their door for violating the Ethos. But everything outside the bubble of the lab is fine. Just a few people here and there asking if he’s been sleeping poorly.
He hasn’t been, only because he’s intentionally not been sleeping much. There’s too much to do. It’s an unwelcome return to the habits of his youth, but sacrifices always have to be made for progress.
They are making substantial progress. Triumph is near, Viktor can all but taste it. As the building of interdimensional transport, so does their theories on how consciousness displacement works. And with it, Viktor’s confidence that Jayce is not gone forever.
Doubt and fear still itch at his mind. Viktor brushes it aside. He has to move forward.
It takes months to complete everything. In another lifetime, what they’ve created would be his magnum opus, in this one it will be a forgotten secret.
“Guess this is goodbye,” Jayce says awkwardly. “Are we sure this won’t vaporize me?”
“The likelihood is low,” Viktor assures unhelpfully. “But it’s not unlikely it sends you back in time. Theoretically, it should send you back to your rightful body. If your body was disintegrated like you suspect then it may go for the next best thing.”
“Before,” Jayce supplies
Viktor nods, “I do wish you the best of luck.”
“Thank you,” Jayce says softly, “For everything.” He pauses for a moment, “I’m sorry, for everything too.” Viktor can’t tell which version of him he is addressing. The one he lost or the one he found.
Viktor waves him off, “It’s time to move forward,” is all he says in turn. Maybe it’s cruel, but Viktor can’t say he’ll miss him.
Jayce nods and steps onto the platform, “Remember to stay back- the protective shields should work but they won’t reach you.”
Viktor gives him a nod and moves back from the platform. The switch will start to build up the energy needed to trigger the Anomaly, but it should give Viktor enough time to move to a safe distance in the lab.
Viktor turns it on and the lab is immediately erupted in white-blue light. Viktor begins to move backward, but keeps his eyes trained on Jayce. He is standing in the center of the platform looking at him expectantly. The Arcane flickers to life around them, and the light is blinding enough that Viktor is forced to look away.
When he’s able to look back- something has changed. He catches a glimpse of a man- several men. One tired and injured with shaggy hair, then younger and clean shaven in a brilliant white suit, then an even younger one in a familiar uniform. Then there is nothing at all. No man, no light.
His eyes travel down, lying a few feet away from the platform is a figure.
Viktor stumbles over himself to get to him, his cane clattering to the ground.
Jayce, the one he’s always known, is lying still on the ground.
Color shakes his shoulder, then brings a hand to cup his cheek. His skin burns him, he can’t tell if it's because he’s too warm or too cold. “Jayce?” he croaks. “Jayce!” he says louder, pulling him closer.
His eyes slowly open, then they shut again, then open fully. “Viktor?” he mumbles while blinking tiredly. He groans and tries to sit up, “Shit, my head,” he says while bringing a hand to his forehead. “What happened!”
“Look at me,” Viktor says. He pushes Jayce’s face towards him, “Look at me,” he repeats.
Jayce blinks at him, “Viktor? Are you okay? What happened?” he asks again. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Viktor can’t help the gasp that leaves his throat. He yanks Jayce towards him and wraps his arms tight around him. “You’re okay,” he says, “You’re okay.” He doesn’t know if he’s telling Jayce or himself.
“What are you- are we in the old lab?” Jayce exclaims. Jayce half-successfully pulls himself away despite Viktor’s resistance. He brings a hand to his face, “What’s going on.”
“I’ll tell you,” Viktor promises, “If you’ll believe me.”
Jayce laughs, “Why wouldn’t I?” he asks as they help each other to their feet. Jayce looks around and sees the mess of their work. His eyes fall to the platform and he gasps slightly, “What is- Viktor what did you do?”
“I’ll tell you at home,” Viktor says. God it feels so good to have him here. No sinking feeling of unfamiliarity or wrongness. “And,” Viktor breathes, tension starting to drain from his shoulders, “I’ll make you coffee, just how you like it.”