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"Archie?" Jughead called, upon seeing his boyfriend home. The redhead hummed, though didn't tear his gaze from his magazine. Jughead hesitated for a moment, not wanting to bother him, before he walked over, reaching the man a chocolate — strawberry and milk chocolate because it was Archie's favorite — and an album that he had been working on for the past two weeks, consisting of every piece or photo that Jughead had piled up in their short period of dating. He even went through the trouble to print every one of those photos out, writing a soft note on each side, on top of tickets or trinkets.
Archie looked confused at him before his attention turned to the present, putting the chocolate aside to look through the album.
"What's that?"
"It's uh..." Jughead paused, turning to look at the open page of their first date before he looked back up at Archie "It's an album to remember our first two months of dating. There are still half of the pages empty, for the coming months" He eventually explained, though Archie just continued to furrow his brows, slowly browsing through the pages.
"Why would you give me this?" Archie asked, once he had come to the empty pages. Pursing his lips, Jughead tried to figure out where he was getting at.
Wasn't it obvious?
"Because it's our two months anniversary...?"
"So?"
"S-So?"
"Why would you make that thing?"
"Because... Because I wanted to make you happy... I mean, we've been together for two months and I love you, so I-"
"'Love me'? We haven't even slept with another. How am I supposed to know if we can work if I haven't fucked you yet?" Archie snapped, putting the album down so harshly that Jughead couldn't help the wince.
"What...?"
"You know what would make me happy? If you want to be sappy so badly that you- create this hideous thing?" Archie continued, gesturing at his carefully put together book. Jughead couldn't help wincing again, feeling himself growing smaller with each sentence "If you would tell me that you're ready to take the next step"
"But I- I told you that I didn't feel ready. That I need tim-"
"No. I gave you two months, Jughead. Two months of us being exclusive, without sleeping with another or me going to get it somewhere else. I took that burden because you're still a virgin at twenty and said, you needed time. I gave you that time but I'm not going to wait forever"
"W-What do you mean...?"
"Either we're sleeping with another soon or I'm done with you"
"'Done with me'?" Jughead repeated.
"Yes. Done. End things. Break up with your virgin-ass. Do you need another synonym to understand it? I thought, you were smart" Jughead shook his head, though wasn't able to say anything.
He should have left back then already. He didn't though. He stayed — because he loved Archie. And who knew? He really hadn't been intimate with anyone, perhaps he did enjoy it.
So, when Archie came to him the next time, his boxers already straining, Jughead didn't say 'no', or shook his head or told him he needed more time. Instead, he let Archie crawl on top of him, take off his clothes and leave a trail of kisses all over.
When Archie's hand slipped in his boxers, he soon pulled out again though, looking quizzically at his bare skin.
"What's that? I thought, you were still a girl down there"
"What? I-" Jughead paused, trying to figure out what his boyfriend was getting at "Oh. That's my bottom growth. It comes with taking T"
"Uh-huh. Well, I don't want to see that. Turn on your stomach" Jughead followed, rolling around to turn Archie his back, his face soon pressed into the mattress until he was dizzy from the lack of oxygen.
When Archie released inside of him, the redhead groaned softly before collapsing onto him, his sweaty stomach landing on Jughead's back as he rode out his climax.
"God, Juggy, you're beautiful like this" Archie whispered, nibbling on the skin of his shoulder again. It felt sore by now "and so so good for me. I had so much fun with you. Did you have fun too, love?"
How can he call him 'love' but not love him?
"Yeah" Jughead whispered, face still pressed in the pillow to quieten the sobs and swallow his tears.
He barely stayed the night, laying awake in bed and not seeming to be able and stop the tears.
At 4am, he quietly got out of bed before taking a quick wash with a washcloth and the wash basin filled with burning hot water. His body was red when he thought himself clean enough, though he couldn't help continuing to scrub until his whole skin seemed on fire. Once he had gotten into a new set of clothing, he quickly slipped out of the apartment, not even carrying his phone with him as he was on his quickest way to Betty's and Veronica's apartment.
He had knocked softly on the door first, not wanting to disturb Betty's roommate, though the woman seemed to be sleeping heavily tonight, so he knocked again, this time a bit harder.
When the door opened, Jughead couldn't help a new sob from leaving his lips, trying so hard to pull himself together, though not really succeeding in it. He had wrapped his arms around himself for warmth, the cold early December air having sunk into his bones by the time that he had stepped out of the dormitory already. By now, merely ten minutes later, he couldn't keep his teeth from chattering as his body shivered against the warmth of Betty's and Veronica's apartment.
"S-Sorry. I just- didn't know where else to go"
"Juggy, God. What happened? Come on, let's get you inside" Betty quickly explained, after having taken a quick look at his state. She already reached for his sleeve to pull him inside before Jughead could even answer. He got ushered over to the couch before Betty draped a blanket around his shivering frame, soon accompanied with a hot tea warming his numb fingers. Sighing softly, he tried to wipe the tears off his red cheeks before driving a hand through his hair, noticing just how wet it had gotten from the snow. Betty sat next to him, watching him cautiously as he warmed up.
"You're freezing, Jug" She murmured, rubbing his shoulder while her other hand reached up to gently pull the blanket tighter around him.
"Didn't notice how cold it was when coming over" He whispered "Sorry for coming so early. I should have called, or at least texted. It's just... I..."
"Don't apologize. You're always welcome here, Jug, you know that. No matter what time it is or what happened" Betty said softly, keeping her voice low to not disturb Veronica, who was still asleep in their bedroom "Speaking of; what happened?"
"I... I'm not sure, exactly, honestly. Archie, uh..." Jughead took a shaky breath, his fingers cradling the cup of tea. At his following words, Betty's grasp on him tightened "Archie and I slept with another? And I- don't think that I enjoyed it, necessarily..."
"Jug... What do you mean? Did he... Did he force you..?"
"No" He immediately replied, shaking his head "No. He didn't. Archie would never force me to anything. Why would you think that? It's just..." He paused, searching for the right words "I just wasn't in the mood for it, I guess"
"You weren't in the mood for it? But you did it anyway" She clarified after a moment "Why did you do it then? Jug, you know that you don't have to do something like that if you don’t want to, even if it's because Archie wants you to do it"
"It's not like that" Jughead tried to reassure before taking a sip of the too hot tea. It burned the top of his tongue but he didn't care "It's just... I don't know, okay? It was weird. I mean, I knew that I always... wasn't exactly like my peers but I just don't think that... that I enjoy that, sleeping with someone. I don't know. And I mean, Archie enjoyed it, so..."
"It's not just about how Archie felt, Jug. What about you? What were you feeling?" She asked, sensing the uncertainty in his voice. The way he tried to explain himself, but couldn't find the right words to do so. This was new territory for him — for both of them — and she knew that he had no idea that what he was feeling might have a name.
"I don't know. I'm not good with feelings and all that, especially regarding my own" Jughead grumbled before slouching against the couch "I just... It didn't really matter to me? And I mean, it didn't hurt, not more than the usual amount, as far as I've heard, and Archie seemed to enjoy himself, so I didn't really... tell... him to... stop...?" He rambled before growing hesitant towards the end, his fingers starting to fidget with another as he avoided her gaze.
"Jug, just because it didn't hurt and Archie enjoyed it, doesn't mean that you had to like it too. This isn't just about how Archie felt, it's about you too. Did you want to do it, Jug? Or did you just do it because Archie wanted to..?" Jughead paused again, debating on whether to tell until he just sighed softly.
"He said, he would break up with me if we didn't take the next step soon... so, I... I mean, it wasn't a problem, you know? It's not like- like I told him that I didn't want it and he just didn't listen to me. He did. I-I agreed to it" Though, he was debating on whether he would ever want to be intimate with someone again.
"Jug... just because you agreed to it, doesn't mean that you wanted to do it" She said gently, reaching out to place a hand on his arm "It's okay if you don't enjoy being intimate with people, you know? It's okay if you don't want to do that sort of thing. That's perfectly normal"
"It's not though, is it? People normally want to have sex, and all that, especially in their younger years. I just- I'm just not comfortable in my body. That's surely it"
It had to.
"Besides, I wanted it. I said, yes. I didn't tell him to stop or said 'no' to anything. I wanted it" He clarified after another moment. It only resulted in Betty sighing though.
"Jug, just because most people want and enjoy sex, doesn't mean that you have to. It's okay if you don't like it or don't want to do it. And there's nothing wrong with you for it" Betty comforted before pausing "Do you know about asexuality?"
"Mhm?" Jughead questioned, getting thrown out of his thoughts again. He shook his head turning around to face her again "No? Should I? What's that?"
"Well, asexuality is a spectrum of sexual orientation. It means that people who identify as asexual don't experience a lot or any sexual attraction to others. They lack the desire to pursue sexual relationships or have little to no sexual arousal either. And it's completely normal. It's a valid orientation, just like being gay" She paused for a moment, watching how Jughead's lips pursed as he dove into thoughts again. After a moment, she spoke up again.
"Does that... sound familiar?"
"It's... There’s a word for that...?" He asked after a moment, voice even softer now. Betty nodded gently, her grip on his arm tightening slightly.
"Yes, and it's completely normal. And there's nothing wrong with you for being asexual, Jug. It just means that you experience attraction and sexuality differently than others, and that's okay"
"Oh..." Jughead went quiet for a couple of moments again "But Archie said that..." He trailed off again, quickly dismissing the thought again.
"What did Archie say?" Betty prompted gently, her brow furrowing in concern. Sighing, Jughead avoided her gaze again.
"Archie said that he couldn't know if he loved me if he hasn't... if we haven't slept with one another. So... how can me, not having any desire to even wanting to do that with him, be considered normal?" Jughead questioned — because there hadn't been anyone else he asked these questions yet. His parents were absent for most of his life and his high school years, he had spend pretty much without friends as well. Archie was his first boyfriend, showing him the ways into a relationship — and he ought to know. He has had a couple of partners already, after all.
"Oh, Jug..." Betty murmured, pulling him closer against her "That's not love, that's just physical attraction. Love is about so much more than just sex. And it's not fair for Archie to pressure you into something you're not comfortable with, just to prove your feelings for him"
"Oh..." was all Jughead could say at the new revelation "So... he should be able to feel... to love me without having slept with me? But he doesn't, so..." Quickly, he took another sip of the still steaming tea, dismissing that thought as well.
"Love is not only about physical intimacy, it's about emotional connection. And if Archie can't love you without needing that physical aspect, then that's not real love. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not someone who expects you to change or compromise yourself for their sake"
But he had called him 'love'.
And he made sure to put extra strawberries on his pancakes.
And to use pet names when addressing him, even if they were cringe or a bit too feminine for Jughead's liking.
How can he call him 'love' and not love him?
Jughead couldn't help his posture falling even more, all the new information causing a headache. Seeing his inner turmoil, Betty gave his hand a soft squeeze again.
"Jug... from what you've told me, it seems like Archie hasn't been treating you very well..."
"It's not his fault though" Jughead defended, pulling away from her "I didn't tell him to stop. How should he know that I was uncomfortable?"
Betty frowned, gently shaking her head.
"Jug, a good partner should be able to pick up on your feelings. They should be attentive to whether you're comfortable or not. Just because you didn't tell him to stop, doesn't mean he shouldn't have paid attention to your body language or your expressions, especially when trying new things. If he truly cared about you, he would've noticed that you weren't enjoying yourself" Jughead paused again, staying quiet even longer before his eyes started to glimmer in the small light of the couch lamp, tears blurring his vision before they rolled down his cheeks. Almost immediately, Betty reached out to wipe it away.
"They should?" He eventually asked, voice shaking ever so softly.
"Yes, they should. A good partner should be attentive to your needs and wants, especially during intimate moments and especially when trying something new. They should respect your boundaries and make sure you're comfortable every step of the way. It's about creating a safe and consensual environment, where both partners feel respected and valued"
"Mhm" Jughead dove back into thoughts, though he wasn't really able to concentrate on it.
"So... Archie is... He's not really..." Jughead stammered before shaking his head because it all seemed so absurd "Maybe I just didn't like it. You know?"
Maybe he just needed to try it more, try different things in order to figure out what was getting him to enjoy it.
Maybe that was the key to it.
"Jug, it's okay if you didn't like it. Please don't force yourself to do something that you don't want to do. Sometimes, people just... don't enjoy certain things, and that's completely okay" Biting his bottom lip, Jughead tried to keep the tears in as he didn't understand on why he was starting to cry all of a sudden. When Betty pulled him close, he simply buried his face in her chest until he was dizzy from lack of oxygen, just like he had done back when Archie and he were... when Archie...
"Ssshh, it's okay" She whispered, her voice low and gentle as she wrapped her arms around him in order to pull him closer "Let it out, Jug. It's okay to feel this way. You're allowed to cry here"
When Jughead quietened down again, it was just because exhaustion took over as he fell asleep in her arms — pulling through the night finally catching up to him. As he slept peacefully, Betty continued to gently run her fingers through his hair, her thoughts swirling in her mind. She knew that this was just the beginning of what would be a difficult conversation with Jughead, but for now, she was content to simply hold him in her arms and provide him the comfort he so clearly needed.
Over the course of the next few weeks, Archie had somehow found it obvious that they could sleep together more often now, always on the search to be closer to Jughead, hands roaming his body and slipping Jughead's hand in Archie's boxers.
Jughead continued to not say 'no' or tell him to 'stop', hoping so much that he could find some joy in it all. But all it did was make him feel dirty and want to scrub his skin red until he could hardly feel it while crying in the shower.
Eventually, he mustered up the courage to talk to Archie though, after another sleepless night and scrubbing his skin raw.
It was barely eight.
Jughead was only in boxers and a shirt, still, laying on his side as he watched Archie. The redhead laid next to him, soundlessly asleep with his chest rising and falling rhythmically. Taking a deep breath, Jughead nudged the man.
"Archie?" The man in question stirred and after another nudge, his eyes fluttered open.
"Mhm? Jug?"
"I... uh... We've been sleeping... a lot with another recently and I... I just..." Jughead stammered, stumbling over his words "I don't think that I like it, even with us trying that other stuff" Jughead mumbled, voice growing quieter the more he continued, eyes looking anywhere but at his boyfriend.
"What do you mean you don't like it?" Archie asked, his voice laced with a mix of confusion and irritation "We've been enjoying ourselves, haven't we? What's the problem?"
"I just... I..." Jughead rung for breath before sitting up "I think, I might be asexual, that I just don't experience any sexual attraction towards you — o-or anyone, for that matter" He explained, fingers fidgeting until Archie swatted at his hands to get him to stop. The only answer that he received was a scoff though as Archie sat up.
"You're making no sense, Jug"
"I think that I'm asexual, Archie. I don't think that I experience sexual attraction and I don't enjoy having sex with you. I don't want to do that anymore"
"You think you don't experience sexual attraction? And you don't enjoy having sex with me? Really?" Archie shook his head, his irritation growing "Jug, this is bullshit. You're my boyfriend. You can't just suddenly decide you don't want to have sex with me anymore, especially since you've been enjoying yourself so much. You moaned my name, love"
How can he call him 'love' but not love him?
"Don't call me that. Betty said, you don't truly love me if you only want to stay with me on the condition of us sleeping together" Jughead said, already feeling the hot tears burning in his eyes. Archie rolled his eyes, his irritation growing even more.
"Oh, so Betty said that, did she? Well, Betty's not here, is she? I am, and I'm the one who's your boyfriend, not her" Grabbing his chin, Archie pulled him closer, causing him to wince "Don't let her fill your head with bullshit, love"
"I..." Jughead's voice gave out and he hated it "I don't like sex. I didn't like what we did the first time and I cried the whole night. But I kept on doing it with you because I love you"
"You love me?" Archie repeated, his voice softer now but still laced with skepticism "If you love me, why don't you want to have sex with me?"
"Because I- Because I don't like it. I'm uncomfortable. I... I feel dirty and-" Jughead managed, tears rolling down his cheeks as he realized just how true this statement was.
"You feel dirty? You're my boyfriend. We're supposed to do those things together. It's part of being in a relationship. I don't get what the fuss is all about. You've enjoyed it before, especially that one time—"
"I didn't though! I just pretended for you because I love you and I want to please you. I want to be good for and to you but I can't. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to sleep with you. And- And as my boyfriend, you should accept that too, Betty told me so and she obviously has a healthy relationship with Veronica and-"
"Why do you keep on bringing Betty and Veronica into this?? This is about us, not them" Archie scoffed, his expression growing harsher "You've been pretending this whole time? Pretending to enjoy yourself with me?"
"W-Well, yes, but... but I just- I just wanted to be a good boyfriend to you. I wanted to please you. To be pleasant for you" Jughead said, irritated.
"A good boyfriend?? You thought that pretending to enjoy being with me was the way to do that? You thought lying to me made you a good boyfriend?"
"I didn't mean to lie, I just-" Jughead froze as Archie slapped him, his cheek stinging immediately as his eyes widened, a new wave of tears coming "I just wanted to be a good boyfriend, Archie..."
"You wanted to be a good boyfriend, huh? Well, you failed. You're a terrible boyfriend because you just lied to me for weeks" The second slap rang out, making Jughead's other cheek sting just as badly "You're just a lying, shitty boyfriend who pretends to like sleeping with me"
"But I thought..." Jughead trailed off, pursing his lips like he always did when his thoughts were tied into a knot, starting to cry "You said that you wanted to sleep with me, so I did. And you asked if I had as much fun as you did, so of course I said yes. I'm sorry for being such a bad boyfriend. I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to..."
"You really know how to twist this around, don't you?" Archie spat, softly shoving him "You lied to me for weeks, pretending you enjoyed it all, and now you're trying to act like a victim? You're not a victim, you're a selfish, self-centered, lying boyfriend who clearly can't be pleased at all!"
"W-Well, but- but if I wouldn't have- You said that you would break up with me. And I love you, so I did that, for us"
"You did it for us? Really? If you actually loved me, you wouldn't have lied to me in the first place. Just get out of my face, I can't see you right now" Jughead couldn't help wincing as Archie shoved him again, barely catching himself before he fell off the bed.
"What...? What are you talking about...?"
"I don't want to see you right now. I need you to leave. Go somewhere else. Anywhere else. Just not here"
"What...?" Jughead asked, voice barely a whisper, though he got up on wobbling legs, starting to pick up his discarded clothes. Archie didn't give him the time though, shoving him until he stumbled out on the hallway, still without socks and shoes or even some sort of pants, no matter how short.
"Get out of my sight, Jughead. And don't come back until I can stomach the thought of looking at you again" Archie sneered before slamming the door shut. Wincing, Jughead pushed down his shirt. He knocked on the door another couple of times, though Archie didn't open it anymore.
After pulling down his shirt again and taking another deep breath, Jughead wiped over his face before starting to walk over to Betty's apartment again. Usually, the walk wasn't too long, but it felt like an eternity for Jughead, who shuffled down the street in nothing but a shirt and boxers, arms wrapped tightly around his body.
By the time he reached Betty's door, he was on the verge of collapsing, his sobs racking his entire body as his shaky knuckles knocked on the door. The blonde was still in her pajamas when she opened the door, though the sleepiness seemed to disappear upon seeing his state.
"Jughead?" Betty asked softly, instantly pulling him inside "What happened? What are you doing here at this time?"
"S-Sorry, I- Can I- Could I come in?" He stammered, shortly before his knees seemed to give out under the emotional stress and cold. Betty had immediately wrapped her arms around him though, keeping him steady until he could collapse on the couch. Seeing his shaking frame, she wrapped two blankets around him before laying a third one over his lap to cover his naked legs.
"Did you go outside like this? You're freezing"
"I- Archie t-threw me out" Jughead stammered before breaking out into another set of tears as he remembered how cold his boyfriend's voice sounded "I t-told him that, that I thought, I was a-ase- and he-" He hiccuped, burying his face in his hands as the shivers overtook him. Listening to him, Betty gently pulled him against her, letting him lean on her.
"Oh, Jug, it's okay. It's okay. Please breathe" She whispered soothingly, rubbing his back in a circular motion "Archie shouldn't have done that. Throwing you out like that is completely unreasonable"
"I'm so dirty" Jughead sobbed, hating how his shirt clung to him. He pulled at it, trying to get some air, though it all just seemed to be getting harder to breathe.
"Okay, shh, shh. It's okay. Please breathe. You've got to keep breathing" She comforted, her voice soft "You could shower? And we'll get you some fresh clothes and something warm, okay? You're in a safe place now, Jughead. Just breathe, okay? Slow and steady" The man nodded, inhaling shaky as he attempted to calm himself down, despite how tight his chest was and how hard he had to inhale in order to stop the black dots from appearing in his vision again.
"A shower sounds nice" He whispered eventually, only noticing then that his hand was intertwined with Betty's.
"Yeah, a shower will feel good" She agreed "I'll stay right here and you take all the time you need, yes?" Jughead nodded, following Betty with his shaking legs as they walked over to the bathroom. He could have told her that he knew the way to her shower but he didn't find the strength to open his mouth and instead just followed her quietly.
He needed some time in the shower and when he got out, he was thankful for the long sleeved clothes Betty had picked out for him — for they hid his red skin from all the scrubbing.
"Sorry for barching in like that, once again" Jughead apologized after he had returned to the couch, huddling himself in the blankets again. He felt a little bit better now, at least warmer.
"No, no, don't apologize, please. It's okay, Jug. You know that you're always welcome here, especially when you're in a situation like that" She paused, wrapping an arm around his shoulders again "You better now? How are you feeling?"
"Don't know, I just... I would just like to go to sleep and think later, to be honest" Jughead mumbled, rubbing his arm nervously "I-I could go again if you want. I just- needed to calm down again"
"No no, you don't have to go anywhere. Please stay here, as long as you need. Just relax, get some rest" Jughead nodded softly, having to keep from crying all over again.
"Thanks" He whispered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. Smiling warmly, Betty continued to rub soft circles over his shoulder.
"You don't have to thank me. We're friends, Jughead. You can always come to me when you need help, or a place to go. Now, why don't you try and sleep a little? Just rest, okay? I'll be right here if you need anything"
"I... uh I'm not sure if I can fall asleep right now" Jughead mumbled, despite feeling the exhaustion pulling on him from lack of sleep. Well, he had stayed awake for most of the nights during those past few weeks, debating it all or researching terms until he was silently crying into his pillow again.
"I know, but sometimes the best thing to do is just to close your eyes, find a comfortable position, and let your body rest. Even if you think you can't fall asleep, just let yourself relax. You need that, Jug" The man tried to protest, though Betty only left a small room for him to do so, pushing him onto her lap.
Despite his earlier efforts, he was passed out within seconds, even before she had tucked him into the blanket.