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“Is this a joke? You're joking, right?”
“Alex, come on!” His sister, June, exclaimed through the phone screen.
“June, no! I'm not sharing an apartment with your insufferable best friend. No!”
It's not that Alex didn't actually need a roommate, in fact, he had been looking for one since he moved in. Not only he didn't like being the only voice he heard inside his house everyday, having another person to split rent would also be great. With his job at the coffee shop he only got enough for food and basic luxuries like hanging out some weekends for drinks with his sister and best friend.
Half of the money for rent came from his paid internship and the other from his parents. He would be lying if he said that being a 25 year old man still not affording rent by himself didn't do something to his ego. And a roommate would definitely be the solution for his problems.
But not if the roommate was Henry Fox.
Tall, blonde, blue eyed and princely looking Henry Fox. The mere reminder of the man's existence was already enough to unsettle something inside Alex's bloodstream. It was already bad enough that Henry was his sister's best friend. That he had to share his favorite person with that bland cardboard and now he'd have to share his own home too?
No. That was out of question.
“Alex, both me and you know you have been stressing yourself over finding a roommate. Now that you can finally have one, you act like that's the worst thing that could happen to you.”
“Because it is .” Alex exclaimed back, his own voice a bit too loud to his own ears. “You more than anyone know me and Henry can't stand each other! Locking us together would be waiting to see a homicide happen.” Okay, maybe he was exaggerating a little. But he couldn't help the frustration that even just mentioning Henry's name caused him. His sister rolled her eyes, annoyed.
“ You can't stand Henry. He hasn't been anything other than polite to you!”
Okay. That might be a bit true too.
Ever since Henry and Alex met, the blonde man had always offered Alex smiles - fake smiles- and a too heavily accented “Hello, Alex.” It was irritating. Everytime he and Alex shared any interaction, it seemed more like they were in the middle of a formal meeting instead of two college students talking to each other.
And what made Alex even more frustrated was realizing that Henry was not like that with his sister or his best friend (who also happened to be his sister's girlfriend) Nora. Tall-bland-too british- Henry Fox actually managed to have a personality and talk like something that didn't resemble a robot. In one of the little gatherings at June's apartment with Nora, Henry's best friend, Pez, made an appearance too. Alex doesn't remember seeing someone so bright and full of life in his life before. And Henry shone, engaging and matching his best friend's energy the whole time.
So clearly, Henry had a problem with him specifically.
“I'm not living with him, June! Besides, isn't he actually rich? I don't see why his royal highness would even consider sharing a small apartment with someone else.” Especially me , Alex added mentally.
Another irritating thing about Henry Fox: he dressed like a businessman, button up, too perfectly ironed trousers, his gelled hair impeccable. No matter what the occasion was, he would show up looking like some sort of polished prince between the plebes. He didn't seem to work either. Obviously, with the money from the family he came from, Alex couldn't imagine the prince charming having to work a day in his life.
God, Alex hated him.
“You would get surprised if you actually gave him a chance, Alex.” His sister said more quietly now, her gaze getting distant for a few seconds.
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“Just. Please, let him move in with you. Give him a chance. If after some days, you still haven't changed your mind about him, I promise I myself will find another place for him to stay. One chance, Alex.” June's voice was almost pleading, which was unsettling in general because his sister was never like that. Alex knew she cared about Henry, but something in her voice and face made him think there was more to it.
“Fine. He can stay here. But I'm warning you, his Majesty better not be expecting any special treatment. What he uses, he cleans. I'm not gonna be his fucking housekeeper.” Alex crossed his arms against his chest, he couldn't believe he was actually agreeing with this.
“I will tell Henry. Thank you for this. I love you.”
“You owe me, bug.” His sister rolled her eyes again, fondly. “I love you too.”
Defeated, Alex blocked his phone the moment the video call ended. What did he just get himself into?
..
Surprisingly, Henry's moving in actually went well. Alex felt a feeling of satisfaction when he saw the so pristine Henry Fox awkwardly carry the boxes with his stuff to the small room that now would be his. It was almost comical. That six foot tall man in button ups and perfectly styled hair trying to adjust himself in a place that he so not belonged.
Alex didn't stay for the whole show, though. Having his shift at the coffee shop for the rest of the day.
“God, I'm exhausted.” Alex threw himself on the sofa the second he got inside his apartment. Weekends at the coffee shop were always the busiest. He couldn't wait to get a hot shower and sleep till his back hurt from staying so much time in the same position.
It was then that he noticed the delicious smell of food coming from the kitchen. What even- Oh my God! Henry.
He completely forgot he wasn't the only person in the apartment anymore. Henry was in the kitchen. And by the smell coming from it, he wasn't even trying to burn it down. Did Henry manage to bring a professional chef with him? Given his money, Alex wouldn't be surprised by it.
Biting the bullet, Alex got up and entered the room.
Never in a million years, he would have imagined seeing the scene in front of his eyes right now.
Still wearing his buttons up and well ironed trousers, there was Henry Fox. A baby blue apron tied around his waist, his face entirely too concentrated on the big and beautiful cake he worked on decorating. On the dinner table, there were casseroles with equally good looking food that Alex assumed was the source of the divine smell he smelled from the living room.
What the hell.
Alex only realized he had said that out loud instead of just in his head, when Henry directed his eyes to him. A small flush on his cheeks for getting caught.
“Hello, Alex.”
And boom, magic ruined.
“Fox.” Alex said in the same monotone tone.
They stood there staring at each other for a few seconds until it was too much for Alex.
“So. What is all that?” Arching an eyebrow, Alex saw the same flush cover Henry's cheeks again.
“I made dinner.” His voice was low, almost shy this time. “And a cake. But unfortunately you can only eat dinner.” He scrunched his nose in a way that was almost adorable.
Before Alex could curse himself mentally for that thought, his mouth was already letting out a “What?”
“This cake is for… someone else. Something else I actually have to do tonight. But dinner's for you. Well, us.” Henry's face was red enough to challenge a tomato now. And before Alex could say anything, Henry was moving the cake and making sure the table was all set so they could eat. Grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge, he directed his attention to Alex again. “Join me?”
You would get surprised if you actually gave him a chance. His sister's voice appeared on the back of his mind.
“Sure, let's eat, Fox.”
..
Things got more bearable after that night.
And funnily enough, Alex saw himself get in this daily routine of coming home to dinner made by Henry. They would sit and eat together, Alex would make some attempt to start a conversation and after they were done, Henry without any protest would clean the kitchen and go to his room. Except on the weekends, Henry would always bake a cake or little cupcakes -clearly meant for children- and leave the house with it during the weekends.
“Come on, June. You're his best friend! There's no way you don't know what it is.” Alex tried to argue during his lunch break at the internship.
“Why are you so interested in what Henry does or doesn't do during his free time?” June arched an eyebrow that way she always did when she wanted to corner someone into telling the truth.
“I… I'm not interested! It's just. I don't see what someone like Henry would do that requires him to bake a cake. A child cake! When did he even learn how to cook by the way?” Frustration filled up Alex's body. It's not that he was interested in anything to do with Henry Fox. He wasn't . He was just intrigued. He shared the same roof with Henry now, it made perfect sense for him to wonder about certain things!
“You could always, you know, talk to him. And before you can protest, have you noticed you have been living with Henry for over a month now and you find a way to talk about him in every single one of your conversations?” The smile on his sister's face was almost diabolical now.
“You… That's an exaggeration! I just have some questions. And by the way you were the one to force me to live with him.”
“And now it's been a month and you haven't made him find another place yet.” The accusation shut him up. Because it was true. It had been a month and Alex hadn't really thought about ending their deal. And looking back to the last weeks living with Henry, Alex couldn't deny it hadn't been bad.
Actually, it was almost pleasing.
Everyday, Henry would wake up before him, make his tea and Alex's coffee the way Alex liked without ever being asked. Without even having a way to know how Alex liked it. Other than Nora and his own sister, Alex doesn't remember telling anyone about his obsession with cinnamon. Especially telling Henry of all people.
But Henry would still do it every single day. And when Alex got home at night, dinner would be ready. They'd sit together and eat. After the first week, Alex found out trying to make small talk wasn't even necessary, because even eating in silence with Henry wasn't uncomfortable at all.
Henry wasn't uncomfortable to be around at all.
“Earth calling Alex.” June's voice woke him up from his trance. He suddenly felt too exposed in front of his sister's curious eyes. Like she could actually see through his brain how much he actually didn't hate being around Henry.
“My lunch break is over. Talk to you later, bug. Bye.” He was ending the call before his sister could even say goodbye properly.
God. What was happening to him? Why couldn't he think of one single thing that made him hate Henry Fox in the past? Why was he even thinking about the blonde man in the middle of the day?
At his fucking job.
Rubbing his face more aggressively than necessary, Alex got up and tried to keep himself the busiest he could for the rest of the day. If Henry Fox crossed his mind on his way home, that was no one's concern.
..
“Is she okay? Where are you right now?”
Henry's voice filled the living room as Alex entered the apartment. He carefully put his belongings on the sofa trying not to scare the man who paced in the living room with his phone next to his ear.
“I'm coming. Give her a kiss for me until there, okay? I love you too, B.” Worry could be seen all over Henry's expression who quickly typed something on his phone, not even seeming to notice Alex’s presence in the room.
“Everything okay, man?” Alex's voice was what attracted the blonde’s attention, his mouth opening and closing at the same time before he decided on what responding.
“Yes. I just… Family issue.” Was all he offered Alex before directing his attention back to his phone. “Christ. Why doesn't anything work when you need it.” He mumbled to himself, his hand now going through his hair, messing it up.
“Henry, what is going on?” The gentle tone in what came off Alex's words seemed to be as surprising to him as it was to Henry who looked at him like he had grown two more heads. “I can see you're worried about something, maybe I can help?” He didn't know where all that was coming from, but he felt himself slowly approach Henry who still looked at him weirdly.
“No, I'm… I'm okay. I'm just trying to find an Uber to drive me to the hospit-” he suddenly cut himself, shaking his head as if trying to undo his mistake. “It's nothing for you to worry about, really.”
“I can drive you there. You know, I have a car.”
“Why would you do that?” Henry's brows were scrunched, genuine confusion swimming in those baby blue eyes.
“Come on man, I'm not that much of an asshole. If someone you know is at the hospital, I can drive you there. Let's go.” Alex gestured with his hand to the door, getting his key and phone before opening it. Henry seemed froze in his place for a second, but followed after Alex.
The drive until the hospital was silent and awkward. Henry checked his phone every five minutes, his leg bouncing on the seat while his teeth bit his lower lip in a way that had Alex wishing to reach out to his face and stop him from hurting himself.
“So, we're here.”
“Thank you, Alex. For driving me here. You really didn't have to do that.” Henry's voice sounded apologetic, his lips too red from the constant biting the whole way to the hospital.
“I'm not having any of that.” Alex dismissed him with his hand. “Do you want me to go there with you?” At that, Henry's eyes widened. Alex almost thought it was adorable. Almost.
“No! No, you don't have to do that.” With a hurry that was almost concerning, Henry opened the car's door, his long legs usually so graceful now looked awkward as he tried to get out of the vehicle faster than needed. “Thank you so much again, Alex. I hope the rest of your evening and night go well.”
At a loss of words, Alex waited until Henry completely disappeared out of his sight before driving out of the parking lot. He tried not to care about the weird feeling inside his chest. It was almost like he'd actually rather having stayed with Henry there.
For the second time that day Alex found himself thinking about Henry Fox on his way home.
..
Alex was finishing his breakfast when he heard the front door being opened.
Henry hadn't come back last night and Alex, annoyed at himself, kept the reminder that they were not friends. And the fact that Henry didn't let him know how things went there, should not bother him. The realization he didn't even actually have Henry's phone number should not bother him either.
The coffee on his mouth now tasted sour. As he washed the dishes he had just used, he could feel another presence in the room.
“Alex?”
“Fox.” The soap on the sponge becoming way more interesting than acknowledging the man standing behind him.
“I just wanted to thank you again. You really didn't have to do that last night. I know I am the last person you'd choose to spend more time than necessary with, so thank you. Really.”
“You seem really shocked that I'm capable of helping someone else other than myself.” He didn't intend to sound as harsh as he did, but something in the implications of Henry's words to him made him feel weird.
“That's not what I meant, Alex. I-”
“What, Fox? What else do you have to point out about my surprising ability to be a decent human being?” He was facing Henry now. The blonde at least had the decency to look ashamed. Alex shook his head, an ironic smile on his face. “Have a nice day, Fox.” He was about to leave the kitchen when Henry decided to speak again.
“I know you don't like me, Alex.” Made Alex stop on his tracks. “I know doing anything for me or with me isn't at the top of the list of things you'd wish to do. And that me living here doesn't make it better either. I'm not trying to abuse that.”
The raw sincerity in Henry's voice was enough to make him turn to face him again.
“Henry…” but Henry was faster to him. A forced smile on his face.
“It's okay. It's not like this is news for me, I always knew. I'm not trying to make a scene about it or anything. I just wanted you to know that I'm thankful for your help last night despite… well, our indifferences.”
And now Alex stood there, not knowing what to say to that. Because it was true, wasn't it? He didn't like Henry. He never wanted to live with him either. He would never have agreed with it if it wasn't for his sister's pleading.
Give him one chance.
And wasn't that exactly what he was doing? Henry had been living with him for a month. Henry who would make him coffee and dinner everyday. Henry who hadn't been anything other than kind to him. Henry who knew about his dislike for him despite not doing anything to warrant it.
Henry who was now in front of him waiting for confirmation of what he had just stated.
“You always acted like you were too good to talk to me.” Came out of Alex's mouth before he could even register it.
“What?”
“Ever since the first time I saw you. Sitting with June and Nora. You were talking, laughing. And the moment I approached you guys, you changed. Went all rigid and tense, barely even looked at my face as I greeted you.” Alex's mind played the images of that day. The way Henry made him feel. Like every other person who couldn't handle his personality, who thought he was too much . He always tried to convince himself that it didn't bother him, that it didn't hurt . “And it wasn't an one time thing, either. Everytime I was around, you'd get closed off, uncomfortable like you couldn't stand having me around.” Alex didn't have it in him to stare at Henry now, the embarrassment of admitting all that out loud made it unbearable.
Henry's stare, however, could be felt on him. Hard.
“Alex… that's not… I never meant for you to feel like that. I actually don't think I've ever wished to speak to anyone more than I do with you.” At that, Alex's eyes found Henry's again. He searched for any trace of lie in those blue orbits, instead, Henry looked pained. “I had been hearing about you from June for months. Funny, charismatic, loud, incredible Alex. You were wonderful. I just didn't know how to deal with that without making a fool of myself.” A soft blush colored his cheeks making him automatically avoid Alex's eyes. “You're always so vibrant everywhere you go, and I'm just, well… me. The opposite of that. So it was easier to stay away.”
“I don't understand. June never told me anything.” His sister heard him complain about Henry every little chance he got to do so. Snobby privileged Henry. Why are you even friends with him? And other than vaguely implying his beef was one sided, she never mentioned anything. Henry's face softened at the mention of June, anyway. A faint smile on his face.
“She's been an incredible friend in every sense, but especially when it comes to keeping everything I tell her in secret.”
Alex contemplated it for a few seconds, and then:
“She knows why you bake cake for children every weekend.” He blurted out like that was the most appropriate thing to say at that moment. Why did he even care? but Henry's eyes widened in that way that was almost adorable again and Alex went on “That supposed to be a secret from me too?”
“It’s for one kid, actually.” Henry said so low that Alex felt himself moving closer to him. “My sister's daughter.” Again, Alex felt the need to reach Henry's face and stop him from biting his lip so he wouldn't hurt himself. But Henry was faster as he continued “Yes, June knows. June knows her.”
The conflict written all over Henry's face told Alex there was more to it. But he had already pushed more than he should. Why did he care? he and Henry weren't even friends.
“Is she who you went to see at the hospital yesterday?”
“Yes. She's okay now.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the room as neither of them seemed to know what more to say. Alex thought about everything Henry had just told him. Hearing from Henry that he never had anything against him was somehow comforting. And living with him had been nice, easy, after all.
“So… where does that leave us now?” There was the soft shade of pink on Henry's cheeks again. Alex didn't know he was one to blush easily, but also Alex never really paid attention to him (without the sole purpose of finding something to complain about) until now. It was kind of endearing.
“Well, I'm making dinner tonight. We could eat and maybe behave like normal roommates.”
“I will bring the wine, Fox.”
..
The following days were possibly the weirdest of Alex's life.
Dinner that night actually went nice, Henry's cooking was divine and Alex found out the usual bland cardboard looking man sitting in front of him could actually be funny. It could be said their agreement of trying to act just like normal roommates had been successful. So successful that Alex was now picking a movie for them to watch while Henry got the popcorn done in the kitchen.
“If we plan on making this movie night a weekly thing we're gonna start it right.” Alex scrolled through the action movies on Netflix “Top gun!”
“I thought we were supposed to be starting it right?” Henry re-entered the living room, one brow arched and a huge bowl of popcorn in his hands. He was wearing pajamas that had the face of a beagle all over it, his hair no longer in that perfect gelled style. And that the fuzzy socks he had on made him look nothing like his usual bland self.
In fact, he looked adorable.
“Earth calling Alex.” A popcorn was thrown at his face and Alex looked at the man now sitting on the sofa looking at him with a playful smile on his face.
“Hey! Don't waste the food. And top gun is literally one of the best movies of all time! You'll thank me and my impeccable taste for movies once we're done.” Alex joined Henry on the sofa, stealing the popcorn Henry was about to take to his mouth and eating it.
“Whatever you say, dear.”
Alex doesn't know if it was Henry's heavy british accent or the endearing pet name itself. But something inside his stomach felt funny and he wondered if Henry could notice his flushed cheeks. If he did, there was no comment on it. Henry crossed his legs, making himself more comfortable and Alex pressed play on the movie.
“Your impeccable taste for movies might actually cost you dinner tomorrow.” Henry stretched, his eyes heavy with sleep. Adorable, Alex thought again. God, he really had to stop doing that.
“Not my fault you don't know how to appreciate real cinema.” Alex adjusted his position on the sofa, his entire body feeling too heavy for him to get up. “What time is it?”
“Late. You better be going to bed if you plan on waking up in time for your classes tomorrow.” Henry turned off the tv and made his way to the kitchen, bringing back the now empty bowl and cups with him.
“Goodnight, Alex.”
Is all Alex remembers hearing before falling asleep exactly where he was.
The thing is, Alex remembers falling asleep on the couch, but doesn't remember actually getting up and going to his own bed in the middle of the night. So, imagine his surprise when he woke up with no back pain, in his bedroom, tucked in warm and soft sheets.
“Good morning sleeping beauty.” Henry's voice greeted him when he entered the kitchen.
“Did you carry me to bed by any chance?” Was the first thing Alex blurted out. Henry snorted, taking a sip of his tea.
“You are a very heavy sleeper.” And you must be really strong , Alex thought as he not so subtly eyed his roommate's biceps through the button up shirt he wore. “I hope that's not a problem. I woke up for a glass of water and saw you almost falling off the couch. And in my defense, I did try to wake you up so you could walk to your bed yourself. You mumbled something and drifted off again. I thought you wouldn't appreciate spending the entire day dying with neck pain.”
“Been hitting the gym lately, Fox?” Alex tried to ignore the funny sensation in his stomach after the confirmation. He grabbed his coffee, tasting the cinnamon in it, made by Henry.
“Don't act so surprised. I'm already taller than you, I can be stronger too.”
“Barely taller than me!” Henry shook his head, laughing slightly.
“Keep telling yourself that, dear. And by the way, June wants to hang out later at our usual place tonight.” At that, Alex felt himself lighten up.
“Ready for the teasing we'll have to deal with all night?”
It would be the first time since he and Henry started living together (and Alex stopped acting like Henry was his mortal enemy) that they all would be hanging out. After two whole years of Alex complaining nonstop about the blonde man sipping tea in front of him, he knew June would be having the time of her life using that against him today. And forever.
“I'm sure we can manage. See you there.”
As Henry left the apartment, Alex thought about how he couldn't wait to be with him - and obviously his sister and best friend - again at night.
..
“You're late!”
June pointed out the moment Alex entered the small pub where most of their encounters happened. Nora joined them on the table carrying two drinks with her.
“Missed you too, bug.” He looked around, trying to spot Henry. Before he could say anything, his best friend was already speaking.
“He's not here.” Alex couldn't help the way his face dropped from disappointment, but he was quick to collect himself. “I mean, he was. If you got here 20 minutes earlier you would've caught him before he left with his date.”
“Ah. Well, that doesn't make any difference to me. I'm here to see you guys.” He brushed off what Nora had just told him, including the weird feeling of discomfort he felt with the information.
He didn't care if Henry ditched them for a date. He didn't care that Henry had a date at all. If he felt a bit irritated with the fact that Henry wasn't there, it was just because his sister deserved more consideration from someone she calls her best friend.
It was only because of that.
Feeling June's curious eyes on him, he changed the subject, engaging in random conversations for the rest of the night. He hoped his low mood wasn't noticed by any of them.
Later, while staring at the ceiling, he convinced himself that Henry not texting to let him know he was okay and not going home that night wasn't a big deal.
They were roommates and not friends , after all.
..
“Had fun last night, Fox?”
Henry jumped a little, clearly not expecting Alex's presence.
“Good morning, Alex.” Henry put down his glass of water and ran his fingers through his hair. “Sorry for not waiting for you before leaving yesterday.” His face visibly red, he avoided Alex's eyes.
“Don't worry about it, man." He dismissed Henry's apology and arched an eyebrow, teasingly. "Hope you at least paid your girl dinner firs-” A loud snort interrupted him mid sentence. “What?”
“Alex, my date wasn't a woman.” Henry looked at him as he went on. “I'm gay.”
“Oh.”
Oh.
“Yeah, oh .” Henry's voice was playful, but Alex could still feel the apprehension in it. Alex knew there was no way Henry thought he was homophobic when he had a whole bisexual sister dating his also bisexual best friend. But he knew coming out wasn't necessarily easy, no matter to who, when or how many times you do it.
“I guess that makes me the token straight of our friend group, then.” His intention was to ease the tension that had been installed there and get Henry to relax again. His attempt at a joke clearly was funnier in his head than in reality, because Henry's face suddenly changed into something that resembled disappointment.
Instead of looking at Alex, his eyes were now fixed on the floor.
“I guess so.” A smile that seemed too forced quickly replaced the previous disappointed expression. “I'm going to take a shower now. Have a lovely day, Alex.”
..
“I knew you would make me watch a romance movie!” Alex complained as Henry made himself comfortable on the couch. A pleased smile on his face.
“You did tell me I could pick the movie today. So you don't get to complain now, shush.”
“Fuck you, Henry!” He wiped his eyes furiously, stupid sad movie. Stupid Henry with his obsession for stupid - but beautiful - sad romance movies. “You're never picking something for us to watch ever again!”
“Oh, darling. I cried the first time I watched it too.” His words were comforting, but Alex could hear the laugh between them. Alex turned to face him with the intention of shoving him, but Henry apparently planned on taking his acting to a higher level as he inclined to playfully put him in a hug.
Alex felt his brain and entire body freeze as Henry's breath touched his face. Their faces too close to each other, Alex was sure he could count each one of Henry's freckles with ease if he tried. Henry seemed just as paralyzed as him, his eyes locked on Alex's for a few seconds until he shook his head lightly as if waking up from some sort of trance. He was already moving away when Alex did the one thing he could think of.
He kissed Henry Fox.
Henry's lips were as warm and delicate as they seemed. They tasted sweet on Alex's despite the rush from Henry's part once he realized what was going on. His hands went to Alex's hair, grabbing it harshly enough to get a moan out of him. Alex's hands held his waist and it didn't take long before his body was all over Henry's on the couch.
It felt right, it made Alex feel everything.
“Alex…”
Henry's voice was low and weak, Alex's lips now traced the freckles on his neck, Henry's grip on his hair tightened.
“Baby…”
Alex could feel the way Henry's body completely surrendered to the pet name, a little moan leaving his lips. God, Alex needed him. His lips were about to find Henry's again, when Henry stopped him.
“Alex, no.” Henry's hands removed his from his body as he got up from the couch. “We can't… I can't.”
“I'm sorry, Henry. I didn't… I shouldn't have kissed you.” Hurt flashed across Henry's face. Alex was quick to correct himself “Without your permission.”
“Why did you do it, then? Why did you kiss me, Alex?” Henry's voice was vulnerable and shaking. His arms around himself like some sort of protection. Protection from Alex.
Alex tried to swallow the lump now forming in his throat.
“I don't know, Hen. I… all I know is that right now there's nothing I want more than to do it again. If you wanted it too.” He found himself unable to offer anything more coherent in the mix of emotions going on inside him that moment.
Alex didn't understand what was happening. Until days ago he didn't even see Henry as anything more than just his roommate. Now the sight of Henry's eyes filled with unshed tears was killing him.
“I can't be your experiment, Alex.” And oh, how that hurt.
“Hen… I would never use you like that.”
“You just did.”
Alex opened his mouth just to close it again when no words came. God, he was ruining everything. He was hurting Henry. When Alex tried to move closer to him again, Henry denied.
“I'm so sorry, Hen. I… please .”
“I'm going to my room. Please, don't try to talk to me again tonight.”
Alex couldn't stop his own tears from falling once he was left standing alone in the living room, with the certainty he had just ruined something he only now realized how badly he wanted. Because nothing had been so clear in his life before this exact moment.
He had fallen in love with Henry Fox.
“I messed up, June. I messed up bad.”
“Alex? Are you okay? What happened?” His sister's voice heavy with sleep made him realize he had no idea how much time he spent alone in the living room thinking about what had happened earlier.
“It's Henry, I… I kissed him.”
The line was filled with silence for a few seconds and then:
“Where is he now?”
“He went to his room, bug, I don't know what happened. I… he looked so upset and things finally were going so well between us and now… now I'm scared because” his mind flashed back to Henry's vulnerable eyes, arms around himself, telling Alex he couldn’t do it. Feeling used by him. “I think I might have feelings for him, June.”
“Oh, Alex. It's okay, love. I'm assuming you didn't tell him that?” It wasn't really a question, Alex knew that. His sister's gentle tone making his eyes water up.
“I panicked. He thought… he thought I was kissing him as some sort of experiment because I told him I'm straight. I've always seen myself as straight, I… at least that's what I thought until earlier today. Bug, what do I do?” He wondered if his voice sounded as small to his sister as it did to him.
“I think you should talk to him tomorrow when you're both more calm. Trust me when I say this, I know this is all scary and new to you. And I am so proud of you for figuring yourself out and having the courage to tell me. I love you so much, Alex. And I'm sure Henry will understand if you tell him all that too.” Alex could hear the wet smile through his sister's words. He knew he still had a journey of figuring out and understanding this new side of himself, but he was glad his sister was the first one to know about it.
“Thank you, bug. I don't know what I would do without you.” And he meant it wholeheartedly.
“I know, nothing.” She joked but Alex knew she understood. “Now go get some rest and I mean actual sleep. No beating yourself up over something you can easily fix tomorrow.”
“No promises. Goodnight, bug. Love you.”
It may have been the emotional exhaustion from the last hours, but Alex fell asleep almost right after his head hit the pillow. As he drifted off, he thought about how it'd be if he got to kiss Henry again.
In the morning when he woke up, Henry had already left. Alex tried his best to not let his overthinking consume him completely during the day and decided not to text because Henry clearly still needed some space. So he waited until they could finally talk later at home, their home.
But Henry didn't go back home that night.
One night then turned into a week. A whole week of absolute no contact with Henry. Alex felt himself go from growing impatient to absolutely crazy. And that was why he found himself standing in the front of a house that was the address he begged (in person) for his sister to give him.
Beatrice Fox’s house.
And also the place Henry was staying at to hide from him.
After ringing the doorbell, Alex waited nervously for what he was about to face. Was Henry angry at him? Scared? As lost as Alex himself felt right now? There wasn't enough time for those questions to consume him as the door in front of him was opened. Leaving Alex speechless.
In front of him, there was the man he desperately wished to speak to. There were dark circles around Henry's eyes, his hair completely gelless, baby blue orbits widening in recognition of the person standing in front of him. But it wasn't any of that that caught Alex's attention. It was the little girl in Henry's arms, holding onto him like her life depended on it. Like she knew Henry would protect her from anyone and anything that could offer her danger the moment he opened the door.
“What are you doing here, Alex?”
Oh, how much Alex missed that voice.
“What do you think, Henry? You disappeared. You completely ghosted me. Henry, it's been weeks. Do you have any idea of how I have been feeling all this time?” Alex felt his own voice rising and looked up, trying to calm himself. He hadn't come here to yell at Henry. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.”
Alex noticed Henry bring the little girl already in his arms even closer to him. As if to ground himself in a way. He stayed silent for so long that Alex thought he was about to get told to leave. Instead, Henry moved, giving him space to enter the house and then closing the door behind him.
“Is that your sister's daughter?”
“Yes. This is my niece, Sophie.” Henry's eyes now were on the girl in his arms. His gaze too soft and fond, so full of love, it made Alex's heart ache.
“She's beautiful.”
Henry smiled, pressing a tender kiss on Sophie's forehead. “Yeah, she is.”
“And your sister?” Alex looked around, his hands going to the pocket of his hoodie.
“She… she's having an appointment.” Henry almost whispered the last part. His gaze now on the floor, distant.
“Hen, can we talk?”
“I'm going to take Sophie to sleep upstairs and then I'm going to talk to you.”
Now alone in the living room, Alex observed the small but cozy space he was in. The walls were a very soft tone of beige. One couch in the center with a small table that had a little amount of paper with pencils and drawings clearly made by a child. Alex wondered if that's what Henry and his niece were doing before he knocked on the door.
He stopped in front of a wall of portraits. Henry and Sophie in almost all of them. There were pictures of them at home, at the park, one that Henry smiled directly at the camera as Sophie kissed his cheek. It was so lovely, Henry looked so fatherly, Alex had to look away. A weird sensation like he was intruding on something he wasn't supposed to.
There were more pics on the wall, though. A beautiful woman whose resemblance with Henry was scarily noticeable. Alex assumed that was Bea Fox. The smile and look on her face in the pics with her daughter were just as fond and full of love as Henry's. One pic in particular caught his attention.
Bea, Henry, Sophie and June. All of them exactly in the same living room Alex himself was standing in right now. Alex couldn't resist the impulse he had to touch the pic on the wall, softly. His two favorite people in the world.
“June is like an aunt for Sophie. She has been part of her life almost ever since she was born.”
Henry's sudden voice startled him. He turned so he could face the man now staring at the same pic Alex was one second ago.
“I… she never told me. About Sophie… Bea.”
“It's because I asked.” Alex felt his brows frowning at the confession. “Please, don't get me wrong. It was never because I had something against you or something.” Henry's voice was low, but his eyes were filled with sincerity.
“Then why?”
Henry grabbed his hand, gently. The contact to his skin after so long, after that night, made Alex shiver. Henry then guided him to the couch, where they both sat. When Henry let go of his hand, Alex immediately took it again. His fingers brushing Henry's knuckles.
“After our dad died, me and Bea had… our own ways to deal with grief.” Henry's voice trembled and Alex squeezed his hand to let him know he was there for him. “I barely would leave my room, unless forced by my grandmother who was the one responsible for us after my mom got too depressed, she didn't even want to see us.” He paused, swallowing. “Bea had a more aggressive way of dealing with it. She started using drugs, it got to a point that it was so bad I genuinely believed I was going to lose my sister. The one person that I had, that I loved after losing our dad.”
It was Alex now that swallowed, hard, trying to keep down the knot wanting to explode in his throat. He thought about his own sister, how much he loved and would die if necessary for her.
“One day, I followed her at night. Found her at some club. Alex, the empty look in her eyes… it was like she was gone.” Henry's eyes unfocused , his face denouncing he was watching that scene inside his own head all over again. Alex touched his face with his free hand that wasn't holding Henry's. Henry leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “I got her to a hospital. They said she was so malnourished and weak, they didn't know how she hadn't lost the baby. Alex, she didn't even know she was pregnant.”
Henry's tears started falling through his still closed eyes, Alex couldn't help it anymore and brought him close and into a hug. Henry melted into his embrace instantly.
“I'm here, baby. I'm here.” Alex whispered, leaving little kisses on the top of Henry's head. They stayed like that for a while, Henry's body trembling with weak sobs. Alex tightening his arms around him. Until Henry felt himself calm down.
“She obviously had no idea who the father was, she couldn't even properly remember anything she did during those last months. Or even where she had been. I begged her to get help, if not for herself or me, then at least for the baby. She didn't want an abortion and as weak as she was, I'm not sure she could've survived it, anyway. It took us so long to get her healthy again. Our grandmother found out about it all eventually and forced Bea into rehabilitation.” Henry paused, Alex's arms were still around him and he felt Henry hold onto him a little more fiercely. “She… she said she was gonna keep custody of the baby once Bea gave birth. And it wasn't a humble offer or favor. It was an order, a threat. As if Bea hadn't a choice. The law wouldn't be on her side. To them, at that moment, she was an addict and my grandmother a woman with way too much power.”
Henry's voice had anger in it now, Alex kissed the top of his head again, unsure of what to say.
“I offered to take care of the baby while Bea recovered, myself. God, Alex.” Henry let out a broken sound that made Alex promise himself he would do anything in his power to never have to hear it again. “She looked at me with so much disgust, like I had just said the most absurd thing. Do you really believe I'm putting a baby in the care of someone who lives life the unnatural way you do? She said.”
This time, Alex wasn't strong enough to keep his own tears from falling. He hoped Henry couldn't hear how his heart had just cracked right in the middle. The implications the words Henry's grandmother carried were too much.
“I couldn't let her do that. I couldn't let her do to that kid what she had done to me. I visited Bea every single day I was allowed to during her pregnancy. And after she gave birth, we managed to leave England together. With Pez's help.” Henry sighed softly, tired. Like remembering all saying all that out loud drained him. Alex could understand why. “Bea's treatment wasn't over, though. And when we got here, I promised her I would take care of Sophie, until she could come back to her. To us.”
You would get surprised if you actually gave him a chance. Alex thought about the conversation he had with June before letting Henry move in with him.
“It wasn't easy at first. I had no idea how to take care of a baby on my own. I had the money my dad left for me and Bea offered her part as well, but I refused. I still had my literature degree to finish and since Bea was allowed to spend time with Sophie at the rehabilitation, I would drop her off there before leaving for my classes and take Sophie home with me later on the day.” Henry moved to get out of Alex's embrace. Alex's arms suddenly felt too empty without him there. “One day, I woke up so late. It was finals week and I was going insane, to say the least. I took Sophie with me to the university and that was when I met your sister.”
Alex smiled at the mention of June. Henry copied him.
“I'm not exaggerating when I say she has been an angel in my life ever since we first met. Sophie wasn't familiar with the place and all those people walking around there, she wouldn't stop crying. I held her with one arm and my notes with the other.” Henry shook his head slightly, but there was a fond smile on his face. “June saw me and ran to me almost immediately. I hadn't told anyone, other than Pez, anything that happened. And after five minutes with her I was going on a rant about everything. I didn't know how much it was killing me to keep all that to myself, until that moment. It didn't take long until Sophie wasn't the only one crying anymore.”
Alex tried to imagine the scene in his head. Six foot tall Henry, with a crying baby in his arms. His sister coming to his rescue and Henry immediately venting about his entire life to her. It was so ridiculously Henry and June, that Alex had to smile again.
“She asked the professor to let her enter the classroom with me so she could take care of Sophie while I did my exam. We have been inseparable since then. Sophie absolutely loves her, sometimes I think she even likes her more than she does me.” Henry scrunched his nose in that adorable way and Alex did the one reasonable thing at that moment: he kissed it.
Henry's cheeks immediately turned pink and contrasted to the red in his eyes from the crying, he looked like the most precious thing Alex ever laid his eyes on.
There was one thing Alex was still confused about, though. "How did you end up moving in with me?"
"Now that Bea's fully recovered, I thought it would be better if I gave her some space. She never really got the chance to be the mother I know she wants to be to Sophie. I... Didn't want to be in the middle of that." Henry whispered the last part and Alex grabbed his chin.
"Hen, does your sister know you think like that?"
"She knows I am here for both her and Sophie, no matter what. And that honestly is all that matters to me."
Alex doesn't know if it was everything he had just heard or the fact that the man in front of him was the most beautiful, most lovely, most incredible person he had ever met - but before he could even register what he was doing, he blurted out:
“Did you know I love you?”
Henry's body went static. Baby blue eyes growing wide like he couldn't quite believe what was going on. But Alex didn't let that stop him.
“You heard me. I love you, Henry. I love you so much. I realized that the exact moment I kissed you. Unfortunately, that was also the day you left and I'm so fucking sorry it took me so long to pull my head out of my ass and for hurting you.” He didn't know what to expect, Henry was still looking at him like he didn't even have the capacity to speak right now. Alex swore he could hear the sound of his own heartbeat filling the living room now.
And then, “Alex, I have been in love with you ever since the first story June told me about you.” Alex opened his mouth to speak, but Henry put one finger on it, stopping him. “You have no idea how hard it was to stay away when everything I wanted was to have you close.”
Alex grabbed Henry's hand, now planting a kiss on it.
“Baby, you should've never stayed away.”
“I know that now.” Henry smiled, tearfully.
“Hen?” Alex asked.
“Yes?”
Henry closed his eyes, sighing softly as Alex's fingers tenderly caressed his face. “Can I kiss you?”
“Please.”
If their first kiss was the realization Alex needed to know he loved Henry, this second one was the confirmation Alex couldn't go on without him in his life.
An embarrassing whine leaves his mouth the moment Henry pulls back, getting a giggle out of the blonde.
“I promise you're going to have all the time in the world to do that. And more.” Henry dared to blush, like he wasn't the one who had suggested such a thing.
“More, huh?” Alex teased, pecking on Henry's lips once again.
“Much more. As many times as you want.”
“I will remember that, Fox.”
Alex doesn't wake up alone on his bed the next day.