Chapter Text
For a while, Jayce dreamt. Never a full dream, just flashes of images and sounds, all of them fading into a distant echo as quickly as they’d come. White walls. A child’s laughter. An argument, one voice familiar and the other foreign. A woman, masked and goggled, shining a tiny light into his eyes. Someone crying. A hand, fingers gentle and cool, eyes like a field of flowers reaching towards an empty blue sky.
And then Jayce finally woke up.
He was in a bed. Not a very comfortable one; the mattress was thin and flimsy, any semblance of structural support crushed flat from years of use. It had been tilted so that Jayce was nearly sitting completely upright in his sleep. Above him, out of the corner of his eye, Jayce saw two IV bags hanging, filled with clear liquid and dripping down a plastic tube that ran into the needle in his arm. A hospital, then. He tried to move, and barely got his shoulders off the bed before a tsunami of pain shot up his left side, knocking the breath out of his lungs. Jayce’s head fell back against the pillows with a gasp.
“Don’t try to move.”
Jayce looked. To his right, sitting in a chair with a book in his lap, was Viktor. He was a mess, his clothes rumpled, his dark circles an indicator that he hadn’t gotten any rest recently. A complicated flurry of emotions hit Jayce with such intensity that he almost couldn’t speak. “Viktor,” Jayce said, voice thick with disuse.
And that’s when he noticed it. Viktor was looking at him, eyes already filled with an apology. Eyes that weren’t just gold, but grey and pink and blue and white. Eyes marked with the Arcane.
“Hello, Jayce,” Viktor said quietly.
Jayce’s heart rate spiked so fast that his monitor began to blare with a very menacing-sounding alarm, and ten seconds later a nurse came rushing into the room. “Take it easy, Mr. Talis,” she said, putting a firm hand on his shoulder. Thinking that he was just freaking out because he’d woken up inside a hospital. “You’re alright. But I’m going to need you to relax and lie down, because your injuries are still somewhat serious. If you can’t then I’m going to have to give you something to calm you down.”
Jayce forced himself to take several deep, even breaths, eyes never leaving Viktor’s face. The nurse watched the pulse on his heart monitor return to something she was satisfied with, then fussed with his blankets for a few moments. “I’ll send the doctor in to see you,” she said, and left.
Silence filled the room like a weighted blanket. “Viktor,” Jayce said. Could barely recognize his own voice. “Viktor.”
“Yes.” Viktor stood up, pulled his handkerchief out of his front pocket and began to gently dab Jayce’s face with it. Jayce hadn’t realized that he’d started to cry. “I’m here.”
Jayce reached up and caught Viktor’s wrist tightly, pulling. Viktor realized what he wanted, and let himself be reeled in until Jayce had his good arm hooked across Viktor’s shoulders, crushing him as close as he possibly could. It hurt his left side to do it, but Jayce didn’t care. A flood of memories were whirling past in his mind’s eye. Viktor standing in their lab, his body newly mutilated by the Hexcore. Viktor crumpled against the floor in his commune, a gaping void in his chest where Jayce had struck him. The look of realization, of acceptance, on Viktor’s face before both of them closed their eyes. Viktor. Viktor. Viktor.
“I thought I’d lost you,” Jayce choked out.
“I know,” Viktor murmured, his lips against Jayce’s temple. His position must have been uncomfortable, bent over the bed and hovering in a way that wouldn’t put any of his weight on Jayce’s injuries. But he let Jayce hold him there, until Jayce finally loosened his grip, allowing him to lean back so that they could look at each other’s faces. Jayce laid his fingertips against Viktor’s cheek, just underneath his eye, where the Arcane was still subtly swirling with color.
“How?” Jayce breathed. “How is this possible?”
“I saw you fall.” Viktor’s voice wavered almost imperceptibly on the last word. “I had sensed that you were getting close to the solution, so I followed you to the quarry. I couldn’t watch you die. The spell saved your life, but I hadn’t acted quick enough. It didn’t break your fall perfectly. Your shoulder is dislocated, and your fourth and fifth ribs are broken on your left side.”
“I don’t understand,” Jayce said, anxiety and doubt creeping into him. “You…followed me? How long have you been in this world?”
Viktor looked away. He reached up to gently pull Jayce’s hand away from his face, held it in his own hand instead. His fingers were trembling. “Since the beginning,” Viktor admitted finally.
The room began to spin. Viktor’s hand inside his grasp was the only thing keeping him grounded; Jayce was certain that if he let go he would slip back into a fitful unconsciousness. “That’s not possible.”
“May 8th, 982. The day of your trial. I woke up, but I wasn’t fully in control of this Viktor’s mind and body. It was like watching everything happening from over someone’s shoulder. I was there, seeing everything through his eyes and hearing everything through his ears, but he remained completely unaware that I was inside of him. His thoughts and actions remained his own.
“I didn’t know when or where I was, so at first I made no real attempt to take over. I resolved to remain incorporeal until I could assess what had happened. Then I watched you make your case to the Council, and I realized at once that it was you.”
“Then why?” Jayce said, and his voice cracked, unable to hold it together any longer. “Why didn’t you try to tell me you were here? Do you have any idea how long I’ve been worried sick about you? How many days I spent thinking that you might have died, alone?” He could feel the tears flowing freely down his face now. “Do you know how that broke me?”
Viktor grimaced. He reached out, started trying to wipe Jayce’s tears off his face. “You and I are incredibly alike, in the end,” Viktor murmured. “I had the same anxieties as you. I thought that I didn’t deserve a second chance at life. And when I watched the two of you together, you and the other me, I saw that things were better this way. Without me. I resolved to stay away until I thought that you might be getting too close to returning to our world. I believed that you would be happier that way.”
“That wasn’t your choice to make alone for me.” More tears, spilling over his cheeks and Viktor’s fingers. “What about your happiness? Don't you think that matters to me, too?”
A wave of pained regret washed over Viktor’s face. “Oh, Jayce.” His thumbs caressed Jayce’s cheekbones, with such tenderness that it made Jayce’s breath catch. “I’m sorry. I should have stayed in the lab with you, back then. I regret it every day. You were more than enough. I’m sorry I couldn't see it until it was too late.”
“I should be saying that to you.” Jayce sniffled, a little pathetically. “So is that it for us? We can still do something, can’t we? I mean. This is us we’re talking about.”
Viktor let out a short, breathless laugh, before growing sombre again. “I don’t know. We could try going back, I suppose. But there will be nothing for us to return to. We created a monstrosity, a violation of human nature. It took everything we had to destroy it. I suspect there will be nothing for us there but the ether. To embrace death, and make peace with it.”
“And if we stayed?” Jayce asked, in a hushed voice.
“It would be no matter if you stayed. You’ve had years to ingratiate yourself with this world. But I cannot simply take over this Viktor’s life in good conscience. Not after everything you’ve accomplished together. He did what I failed to do. He made a real difference.” Viktor hesitated. Suddenly he became timid. “And he loves you. Perhaps better than I have loved you.”
“Bullshit. I’m not letting you get out of this. I told you. All I want is my partner back.” Viktor’s throat bobbed, and Jayce placed a hand solidly behind Viktor’s neck, anchoring him. “There has to be something else.”
“There’s…something I could try.” Everything about Viktor’s voice indicated that he didn’t have any faith in this idea. “I could try and…become one with him. To meld our consciousness together.”
“You can do that?”
“I said I can try. I don’t know if it would work, or how well. You have to understand that I would be consolidating fourteen years’ worth of memories into a single mind. Two separate sets of events, both taking place over the same seven years. That is the sort of the thing that can break someone irreversibly. And in the end, it wouldn’t really be me there anymore, or him. We would be gone, and a new Viktor would take our place. And he might find that he has some misgivings about his body being forcibly taken over. Are you prepared to deal with those consequences?”
“It sounds like you might be overthinking this a little bit.” Jayce closed his eyes briefly. The shock of meeting Viktor again had officially passed, and he found that he was exhausted, still weak from his injuries. “Viktor is Viktor. In the end, it’ll still be you. It will always be you.”
“Ridiculous.” He thought he heard Viktor’s voice waver, just the tiniest bit. “Jayce. I can’t make this decision right now. I need some time to think about it.”
Jayce’s eyes flew open in a panic. “You can’t leave. I just got you back.”
“I’m not leaving. I just need a little bit of time. I’m going to come back to you, I promise.”
They were close, their faces inches away from each other now. Jayce saw a nervousness in Viktor’s eyes that at first he found puzzling, until he remembered that he and this Viktor had, technically, never kissed each other before. So he guided him gently, coaxed him with fingers still stroking the back of Viktor’s neck, and Jayce felt Viktor’s shaky breath across his face before he pressed their lips together. It was warm, and soft, and in spite of everything Jayce felt butterflies of his own fluttering inside his stomach.
“I love you,” Jayce whispered fiercely. He could feel Viktor trembling against him in response. “Do you hear me? I love you. All of you, every part of you. I’m not letting you go again.”
“I know.” Viktor took a deep breath, pulled away from Jayce reluctantly. Suddenly the colors in his eyes began to swirl, telegraphing a myriad of memories and emotions, and Jayce watched as they dissolved away until there was nothing left but pure gold irises looking back at him.
Viktor blinked a few times. There was a brief moment of confusion, and then his face was the very picture of bewildered astonishment. “Jayce?” he practically shouted, clutching at Jayce’s face with renewed vigor. “I could have sworn I--what’s the matter? Why are you crying? Does something hurt? Do you need me to call someone?”
“I’m just,” Jayce said, because he had in fact not stopped crying, “I’m just happy to see you again.”
“Idiot. Stupid, reckless, foolish imbecile of a man. What the hell were you thinking, trying to do all that by yourself? Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be alive? The doctors can’t even tell me how you managed to survive.”
“Uh…”
“I thought I told you to relax!” The same nurse came bustling back in, still without the doctor. Upon seeing Jayce’s tear-stricken face, she turned towards Viktor with a threatening look. “What did you do?”
“Me?” Viktor was scandalized. “He woke up like this!”
“We both know that’s not true. If you need him to go,” the nurse said, speaking to Jayce now, “I can make him go.”
“No, no. That’s not necessary. But, uh.” Jayce tried, ineffectually, to wipe some of the tears off his face. A fresh set quickly welled up on his eyelashes and rolled down his cheeks. “Maybe I will take that medication now.”
Viktor looked mildly horrified. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Nerves, looks like. Not every day you get to cheat death. I’m going to administer a low dose of sedative. It should help calm him down a little bit.” The nurse came back about five minutes later with a small ampoule, and injected it into one of Jayce’s IV bags. Slowly, Jayce’s tears began to subside. “There. Feels better, doesn’t it?”
“Thank you, nurse,” Viktor said, and the nurse threw him one last suspicious look before leaving the room.
Jayce flopped his head back against the pillows. Calmer now, feeling like he could fall back asleep. “You got in trouble with the nurse.”
“Quiet. Don’t forget you are still in trouble with me.”
“I didn’t try to get myself killed on purpose,” Jayce protested blearily.
“No, but that makes it worse. You just threw yourself in harm’s way without--” Viktor had to stop to compose himself. “Without a thought for the people you might be leaving behind.”
Jayce frowned. “Please don’t say that. You know that's never been true. I just couldn't leave them there. It was dangerous and stupid, and I’m sorry I acted without thinking. And I'm sorry about earlier, with the diving suits. I was just scared about what would happen to you if someone saw it and took it the wrong way. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”
“I don’t want to fight with you either, Jayce.” For a second Viktor looked as though he might start crying himself. He sat back down his chair heavily, grasping Jayce’s hand in his own when the other reached out for him. “I’m. I’m glad you’re alright.”
Jayce laced his fingers between Viktor’s, squeezing tightly. How strange it was, to know that the other Viktor was somewhere in there now, still listening and watching everything. “How long was I out for?”
“A couple of days. You’ve got a dislocated shoulder and two broken ribs, and thirteen stitches on that cut of yours. The doctors said you’re lucky that’s all you have.”
“Oh shit, he’s awake!” a familiar voice exclaimed, and Jayce looked up and watched as Ekko and Powder walked into the room, along with Cece, the little girl from the quarry, and her older brother. Upon seeing Jayce conscious, the boy cried out, “Jayce!” and ran over. He scrambled up onto the right side of the bed and threw his arms around Jayce’s neck, and Jayce wrapped his good arm around him and hugged him tightly, instantly awash with a fresh surge of emotion. In the background Jayce heard Ekko’s indignant yelp as Powder punched him in the arm and scolded him for swearing in front of the kids.
“What are you two doing here?” Jayce asked them, somewhat stunned that Powder and Ekko would visit him at the hospital.
“They’ve been hanging around my dad’s shop ever since you were admitted. They asked if we could come see you.” Powder motioned towards the kids. Her expression and tone had softened considerably since the last time they’d spoken. “They told us what you did. You’re insane, you know that? And coming from me that’s saying something.”
“They’re alive, thanks to you,” Ekko said. He looked at Jayce gratefully. “We owe you our thanks.”
Cece, in the midst of all this, had not moved from where she stood at the foot of Jayce’s bed, observing the conversation silently. Gone were the tears and the dribbles of snot. Her eyes were completely dry, and she held herself now with such easy self-assurance that it was almost hilarious. “A wizard came and saved you, you know,” Cece told Jayce matter-of-factly. “Rian and I saw it.”
Jayce glanced at Viktor, a little nervously, but Viktor merely shrugged in return as if to say Don't look at me. Seems like he didn't suspect anything. Luckily the kids hadn’t realized who their wizard was, either.
The boy--Rian--pulled back to look at Jayce, sniffling a little, trying to discreetly wipe his face with his sleeve. “We made you a get-well present. Viktor helped me. Do you want to see it?”
“Viktor helped you?” Now Jayce was truly astounded. In all the years that he’d known Viktor, he could count the number of times he’d seen his partner interact with a child on one hand. Viktor seemed to know what Jayce was thinking, because his cheeks turned pink and he looked away with an embarrassed cough.
“Here, look.” Rian pulled something out of his pocket. It was a small mechanical butterfly--not the delicate gold-plated ones that he’d seen other inventors make, but a simple, rudimentary model made of bronze, its wings painted in familiar shades of eye-catching pink and blue. Jayce glanced at Powder over Rian’s head, who gave a one-shoulder shrug, smirking.
“It’s perfect,” Jayce said, tracing the edge of its wings carefully with one finger. Viktor’s soldering work. He’d recognize it anywhere. “Thank you.”
“Viktor’s going to teach me how to fit the little cogs inside the body next time,” Rian said, and Viktor coughed again in the background. “So that it can fly. Can I come see your lab when you’re better?”
“I don’t know,” Jayce said, feigning concern. “It’s not just my lab. You’ll have to ask Viktor.”
Viktor scowled at him, and Jayce broke out into a wide grin.
They discharged Jayce not long after that, but Jayce was on the mend for another month, sentenced to hobble pathetically around his apartment and being generally useless. In that time a lot of things happened.
It turned out that Rian and Cece had no living relatives left after their mother died. They’d been living on and off in an orphanage in the Sump level, where most of the Grey originated from. Apparently their escapade at the quarry was not the first time they’d broken out of the orphanage. Nobody ever came around asking where they were, or if they were safe. Powder’s dad, Vander, was more than happy to take them in, but in the end all they ever wanted to do was hang around Jayce and Viktor. They were at the apartment with Jayce more days than not, content to read books, or disassemble and then re-assemble the appliances, or complete the arithmetic sheets that Viktor insisted they learn. Rian in particular took a real shine to Viktor, was glued to Viktor's hip whenever they were together, and Viktor was unfailingly patient with him. Never treated Rian like a child, always spoke to him like he was an equal. Watching the two of them together still sometimes felt like Jayce was watching the sky split open.
By extension, as Rian and Cece’s de-facto babysitters, Powder and Ekko were always at the apartment too. They were able to repair the machine Hiemerdinger had created for the most part, but it only further threw into question how they were going to be able to bring the professor back. Jayce, for his part, lied to them, told them that the gemstone he'd promised them had slipped out of his pocket when he fell at the quarry. It was selfish, especially after he'd practically begged to have the machine fixed, but Jayce was afraid of what might happen to Powder and Ekko if things went awry. He’d discovered that they were incredibly bright and generous and ambitious, wholly untouched by the death and ruination from his own world. Jayce didn't want to risk destroying that.
So the three of them spent days brooding over other ways to get Heimerdinger back, hours of sitting around the living room with pot after pot of coffee, pages of notes strewn over the couches and the floor. But they talked about other things, too. About finishing the chemical energy cell, about their friend’s idea to hybridize plants in order to convert fissure gases into pure oxygen. Talking to Ekko and Powder gave Jayce new ideas about what sort of things there was still left to accomplish for the other Zaunites, and how they might best be able to do it. He became inspired, hopeful.
And then there was Viktor.
Once he realized that Jayce would not crumble apart the second he took his eyes off him, Viktor started to spend his days in the lab again. Which was a good thing; a return to normalcy, a sign that Viktor was finally convinced that Jayce was going to be alright. But he never complained about coming home to a full house, not even on the particularly long and difficult days. Jayce watched, every day, as Viktor’s face broke out into a fond smile every time Rian and Cece rushed to greet him at the door, eager to regale the day’s events. Watched his eyes light up whenever Powder and Ekko discussed the latest breakthrough in their projects. It went without saying that he was delighted to have other inventors from Zaun to talk to, other people who were as passionate about making the undercity a better place as he was. Jayce watched him, and he felt endlessly, blissfully happy.
If Viktor noticed that Jayce had begun to reach for him more often, to hold him closer at night, he never said as much. Probably thought that Jayce’s brush with death had revived a certain…neediness in their relationship. Which it had. But Jayce never failed to remember that his Viktor was in there, quietly contemplating his future. Their future. Jayce did everything he could to shower Viktor with affection, innocuous little actions and remarks to show how much he wanted this. Could only hope that Viktor wanted it just as much, and wait.
So Jayce waited.
He couldn’t remember how many days it had been, when it finally happened. It was early morning, so the kids hadn’t dropped in unannounced just yet. Jayce woke up early, for no particular reason that he could gather, and couldn’t fall back asleep. So after about twenty minutes of trying he got up, careful not to wake Viktor as he slipped out of the other’s grasp, and went into the kitchen to boil the kettle. He enjoyed his coffee quietly, not really doing anything else. Just sat in one of the arm chairs and stared out the window for a while, watching the sky slowly change from burnt orange to pale blue, thinking about the day ahead of him.
Eventually Jayce thought about taking a shower, and rose up and returned to the bedroom, intending on grabbing a change of clothes. When he did, he saw that Viktor was up, sitting on the edge of the bed with his back facing the door. Jayce opened his mouth to say good morning when he realized that Viktor had his blue blanket draped around his shoulders. The blue blanket. The one Jayce had wrapped around him a lifetime ago. Jayce froze mid-step, his heart immediately beating faster. Wondering if it was okay to hope.
“Viktor?” Jayce called carefully.
Viktor didn’t answer or turn around. Slowly, Jayce made his way around the bed to Viktor’s side, saw that Viktor was staring off into the distance. He sat down next to him, placed a hand on Viktor’s shoulder. “Viktor?”
It took a second, but Viktor turned his head to look at him. The color of his eyes hadn’t changed, as far as Jayce could see, but they were full of unshed tears. Viktor blinked, and Jayce watched as one tear escaped and rolled slowly down his cheek. “Jayce,” Viktor said. Like he hadn’t uttered his name in a thousand years.
“Are you alright?” Jayce asked worriedly, moving his hand to place it between Viktor’s shoulder blades. “Did you…I mean, are you…?”
Viktor looked down at his hands, turning them so that they were palms-up in his lap. “I think it’s worked,” Viktor said quietly. Didn’t say anything else.
“You…remember everything?”
“Yes. I think so.” Viktor tilted his head slightly. Jayce could see his eyes moving back and forth, like he was sifting through some invisible mainframe of information, looking for something. “Everything is coming together, but some of the more powerful memories are in conflict with my previous personalities. It’s…uncomfortable.” One of the muscles underneath his left eye twitched, the barest of winces. “I suspect it will take time for everything to fall into place.”
Jayce gently put a finger under Viktor’s chin, turning his head until Viktor was looking him in the eye again. “You sure you’re alright?” Jayce said.
“Yes.” Viktor studied Jayce’s face, placid, curious. “It’s an intriguing thing. Every memory is familiar, but it brings a new set of emotions, like I’m experiencing it for the first time. I did not expect to feel so…jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“Of myself. Of the unique moments that I shared with you, in each timeline. Irrational, I know. But I still cannot help thinking of myself as two different people. Such experiences as the ones we have had change people fundamentally. Shape the person they’ve become. I admit,” Viktor said, sounding rueful, “that I worry you might find this version to be too…contradictory.”
“I told you. You’re overthinking this. All those memories you have now are mine, too. I’ve lived through all of it, and I’m still just one person.” Jayce pressed a kiss firmly to Viktor’s forehead, and felt some of the tension drain from Viktor’s shoulders. “You’re not mad? That I hid who I really was from you all these years?”
“Hmm. Another contradiction. You had to choose between staying and leaving, one version of me for another. I believe you did your best, given the circumstances.” Viktor sighed. “Is this…really alright? For us to live like this, after everything that’s happened?”
“I think we could ask that question forever and not get an answer,” Jayce said honestly. “I used to keep myself up at night for months thinking about it. But after being here, in this universe, I’ve realized that nobody ever deserves their worst case scenario. People do things because of their circumstances, not because they want to. I’ve seen that everywhere, in Powder and Ekko, in you. I’ve seen you flourish when you aren’t weighed down by your disease. I’ve seen how good you are with Rian.” Viktor’s chin began to tremble at that. “He loves you, you know.”
“I know. I adore them both, him and his sister. I never thought…” Viktor took a deep breath. “I never thought that I would be someone worthy of that.”
“How could you not be?” Jayce said, smiling. “People choose you every time, Viktor. Haven’t you noticed by now?”
Viktor answered by taking Jayce’s face in his hands and pulling him in for a kiss. Jayce was only surprised for a moment, but he recovered quickly, snaking his arms around Viktor’s waist and practically pulling him into his lap. Every slide of Viktor’s lips against his own sent an electric current up Jayce’s spine, making all his cells feel as though they were coming alive. It was his Viktor. His Viktor, all of him. They were together again.
They parted for breath, foreheads pressed together. “I want to get things right this time,” Jayce breathed. “You and me. We can be better.”
“Yes,” Viktor said, and smiled in a way that made Jayce’s heart melt. “We can.”