Chapter Text
This exhausted body resists obeying me. It does not want to stay upright.
I stay in the dirt.
“you don’t have to get up. we can still take a shortcut.”
“I’m gonna pass on the whole shortcut thing,” Flowey says. “Just tell me where we’re going. I’ll show up.”
Sans casts Flowey a scrutinizing look, to which Flowey offers a smile that’s trying to seem innocent and instead is sharp at the edges.
You don’t want anything to do with his magic by now, do you, Flowey?
I can see the gears in Sans’ head turn, but whatever deductions he makes, he keeps to himself. As he does everything.
“the old lab. you and frisk and alphys were going there tomorrow anyway,” Sans says, eyes glancing down at me.
Looking down on me.
Aren’t you.
You must be.
I would be.
“The lab, huh? Alrighty,” Flowey says with an affectation of good spirits. “I’ll go on and get a head start. See you two there!”
And then he burrows beneath the earth. Are you running away, Flowey? Don’t be so cowardly.
I bet you cried when he killed you. Like you always did.
“close your eyes for a few seconds,” Sans tells me.
”…Don’t tell me what to do,” I mumble, and close my eyes.
I feel the space around me shift, and when I open my eyes again, we’re inside of the lab. The floor beneath my legs is cool.
The power’s still on, thanks to the CORE. It took Frisk, but it gave me air conditioning in return! Yes, this seems like a perfectly reasonable trade-off.
“not to state the obvious, but you look like you’re having a bad time,” Sans comments, stating the obvious.
“No, you don’t say.”
There is a moment of silence.
”you should lie down.”
I notice belatedly that Sans deposited us right beside Alphys’ old, abandoned bed. Not big enough for two.
I grab the mattress and hold it in a white-knuckle grip, and lean against it to prop myself up as I rise on shaking legs.
This struggle is nothing, I tell myself.
Nothing compared to the hell I endured in life.
To losing Frisk.
I.
I would rather destroy my innards again than endure this.
I collapse onto the bed.
Sans is not looking at me.
Sparing the little dignity I have.
“i’ve gotta make some calls,” Sans says. “try and get some rest. we don’t know the full scope of the CORE’s effect on a human body yet.”
“How eager I am to be a test subject,” I say, exhaustion and unease dulling my sarcasm. You can’t return to a ruined body, Frisk.
Ruined, or worse.
A SOUL can’t undo the decay of death.
Bile rises in my throat.
“uh, if it’s any reassurance, it’s a good sign you didn’t disintegrate on impact.”
I laugh, sudden and loud. It hurts my chest. “Yes. Reassuring. Your bedside manner is impeccable.”
“got the wrong doctorate for that,” he says in halfhearted jest.
I sigh and close my eyes.
“Sans. Back when your anomaly was making timelines his plaything…”
”yeah?”
”Did it feel like swallowing buttercups?”
Silence heavy as lead.
“i wouldn’t know.”
Knowing that the story is doomed to repeat, a snake devouring its own tail.
Unable to alter what has been set in motion.
All there is to do is wait.
And, without distraction, suffer.
“It must have.”
My consciousness drifts away.
…Feels like I had a strange dream, but it's vanished from memory already.
Furthermore, where…?
…The lab. The burdensome memories of the past several hours return to weigh me down, though rest has calmed me somewhat.
That or I'm in shock.
I can hear voices coming from the other end of the building, some louder than others, all familiar.
A spike of anxiety shoots through my chest as I consider the possibility that Sans called Toriel here, but I can’t pick out her voice.
Nor can I hear Flowey, though I have no doubt he’s present. Listening from beneath the dirt, I imagine. Explaining away his existence would be more of a distraction from what’s important than anything else.
Though, isn’t he “friends” with Papyrus? That may prove useful.
Speaking of Papyrus, I can hear him loudest of all, followed by Undyne, and if I listen carefully, I can hear Alphys’ stammering voice chiming in here and there.
Finally, Sans.
If Sans didn’t contact Toriel, he wouldn’t have contacted Asgore, either.
Don’t want to be the one to have to break the news Frisk’s parents, is that it?
…It’s just as well.
As the one who destroyed the Dreemurrs once already, you could say it would be unfair to put anyone else in the unenviable position of delivering this information.
Here I am, Chara, harbinger of ill fortune. Cursed are all who speak my name.
I can hear the word “dad” being spoken by Papyrus.
It isn’t being said with incredulity, so Sans must have covered the subject of Gaster already.
What do you know. Sans is putting effort in after all. Will it last?
…If you were here, you would be saying something optimistic to counteract my natural pessimism.
What… What would you say, Frisk?
Maybe you would say I should believe in him? That trusting in others is good?
…I have no choice now.
It was only ever you I believed in, but saving you alone isn’t feasible.
If it’s for your sake…
Then I cannot remain as I am.
Just as Sans cannot remain as he is.
I lift myself up onto my elbows and notice belatedly the blanket placed over me.
I am… given pause.
Who…?
Not Sans. He’s easy to rule out. Looking like Frisk is not enough to elicit a gesture of sentimentality such as this, and common goal doesn’t make us friends. Papyrus is sentimental enough to act so kindly to a stranger, but his ability to remain quiet is in doubt. Undyne found it suspicious when I borrowed Frisk’s body for karaoke night -- I doubt her feelings towards me now are warm. Alphys? Either too timid to approach me alone or wouldn’t want to risk disrupting my rest.
…Did Sans not suggest the possibility of further effects of the CORE? Would it not make sense to delegate someone the task of observing this body?
I don’t savor the idea of being watched as I sleep, but at a time like this, that would be the correct course of action.
Then --
I look more closely at the blanket.
There are small punctures in the fabric.
Like it was pricked by thorns.
…I see.
So you took the task upon yourself.
Ha.
I’m not like you. I won’t cry if I’m not tucked in.
Haha.
It feels like buttercups. Doesn’t it, Flowey?
It’s as if I shoved them down your throat.
We’ve all been living in our own special hells.
I ball my fists in the fabric of the blanket.
I pull it away.
I can’t stay here in this bed.
I scoot to the mattress’ edge and set my feet on the floor. Time to see if I can hold myself up.
One, two…
My legs are weak still, but I can stand under my own power. This will have to suffice.
I slowly make my way to the escalator going down. What a nuisance it would have been if I’d had to struggle my way down a flight of stairs.
Reaching the bottom, there is nothing to do but walk forth and face Frisk’s friends.
Wearing Frisk’s face, and having the audacity to not be them.
My footfalls echo too loudly. The voices at the other end of the lab quiet.
They turn to me.
Papyrus. Alphys. Undyne.
Sans.
They stare.
There is too much distance between us.
There is not enough.
“you’re looking better,” Sans says. Trying to break the tension?
Papyrus is the first of the other three to be pulled from their stupor. He looks as though he has been crying -- however it is a skeleton accomplishes such a thing -- but he puts on a beaming smile all at once. An act of consideration towards me.
He takes a few long strides in my direction.
“HUMAN! I’M GLAD THAT YOU’RE FINALLY AWAKE! IT IS AN HONOR TO MEET ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND I’M HAPPY TO MEET YOU TOO!” He punctuates his introduction with a sweeping bow, followed by a NYEH HEH HEH!
“I know you already,” I say. “All of you.”
”OH, OF COURSE! FRISK MUST SPEAK OF ME OFTEN! AND HIGHLY! BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE’VE EVER BEEN PROPERLY INTRODUCED!”
I wonder if he’s hurt that Frisk kept me a secret.
Not that it’s my problem.
Nevertheless.
“You’re correct. Very well, then. I am Chara. The first human to fall.”
The future of humans and monsters.
What a joke.
“And you’re Frisk’s friend.” Undyne. Her expression is sober, her brows drawn together. “When I thought Frisk was acting strange at karaoke night… that was you, wasn’t it?”
I had a feeling she wouldn’t have forgotten that. Troublesome as her suspicion had been, I would have thought less of her had she dismissed the incident.
“Correct.”
“Does… D-Do Toriel and Asgore, um… know? About you?” Alphys asks.
My stomach twists as she speaks their names.
“No. They don’t. I’d prefer to keep it that way.”
However impossible the day’s events have made that.
“But you knew,” Undyne says to Sans.
“not my secret to tell.”
Undyne inhales deeply, her jaw clenched. “When this is all over, Sans, you are really gonna hear it from me.”
“that’s fair.”
Alphys glances between the two of them, hands clasped. She clears her throat and takes a few steps towards me, pointedly attempting to ignore how the awkward atmosphere is only getting worse.
“U-um, Chara, how do you… feel? Are you in any pain? Do you feel dizzy or nauseous? You should probably be s-sitting down.”
"ALLOW ME TO FETCH YOU A SITTING APPARATUS,” Papyrus quickly declares.
“...I’m weak,” I say honestly. I really do need to sit down. What in the hell is the CORE made of?
”O-okay. Does anything feel numb or tingly?”
”No.”
”D-Did you hit your head at any point?”
”No.”
Alphys nods to herself, as if ticking off a mental checklist.
“A-all right. In j-just a second, I want to take your vitals. Is that, um, okay?”
”…I don’t care. Do as you wish. Frisk needs a healthy body to return to.”
Papyrus appears with a beanbag chair he found… somewhere. I’m in no mood to question it. I sit down, sinking into it.
I’m not a fan.
But you would like it.
Papyrus sits on the floor beside me. Don’t tell me his mother hen side is coming out. Alphys assesses my condition; checks my pulse and skin temperature, watches my breathing for a silent minute.
“WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HOLD YOUR HAND?” Papyrus asks at the start. “IN CASE YOU ARE SCARED OF DOCTORS.”
I’m scared. This isn’t why. I don’t think Papyrus understands what actually factors into fear of the doctor. Ever clueless in his kindness.
Inexplicably, I take his hand.
“E-Everything’s about normal,” Alphys tells me. “As normal as they c-can be, all things c-considered. Your pulse is a little f-fast, but that’s, um, probably related t-to stress and not the -- the CORE itself. I think. At this stage, I -- I can’t say for sure…”
We don’t know what long-term effects the CORE may have on the human body, and though Alphys appears to have a acquired an understanding of basic human physiology, she is not a human doctor.
Though, a human doctor would be as good as useless in this situation.
“If you -- If you start to feel strange, let me know, o-okay?”
“What can any of you do if this body starts to…”
Die.
That’s not a difficult word for me to say.
Usually.
If Frisk’s body starts to die.
Or perhaps a worse fate than death.
“WE’LL MAKE YOU A SNACK,” comes Papyrus’ confidently absurd answer, his hand tightening around mine. Yours.
I’m about to ask him how the hell that will help before it hits me.
Yes, that is how it works, isn’t it?
Food made by monsters, which to say food prepared with magic, always restored your health. It is an absurdity that is nevertheless true.
We may ultimately find that it was foolish to think monster food could delay or halt negative effects of the CORE, but we have nothing to lose by trying.
Alphys is readily in agreement.
“M-Monster food does have restorative qualities, e-even in humans…! It c-can’t hurt, at least…”
“WHAT DO YOU LIKE, HUMAN CHARA? SPAGHETTI? RAVIOLI? LINGUINI? MACARONI?”
I don’t deserve to even ask for what I’d want.
I know what you’d say, though.
”…Chocolate. I like chocolate best.”
“NOODLES WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE?”
”No. Just a chocolate. …A chocolate bar.”
”ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T WANT ANY NOODLES TO GO WITH IT?”
I consider, tentative.
This self-consciousness doesn’t suit the image I try so desperately to keep.
Would you tell me to abandon that image? Or is even my flimsy pride part of why you like me?
You have to come back. I need you to tell me, Frisk.
“CHARA? YOU APPEAR TO BE ‘ZONING OUT’.”
“…Uncooked instant noodles. There’s no point in eating them any other way.”
“YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL HEAD TO THE SURFACE IMMEDIATELY TO PROCURE YOUR ECCENTRIC FAVORED FOODSTUFFS.”
“lemme do it,” Sans interjects, to both my surprise and Papyrus’. “i can get there faster.”
“THAT… IS TRUE, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO DO SOMETHING KIND FOR MY NEW FRIEND CHARA, WHO IS HAVING A VERY TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW.”
Aren’t you, too?
I know he is.
…I had no idea Papyrus was capable of masking his emotions to this degree.
For my sake…
”HOWEVER,” continues Papyrus, “OUR NEW HUMAN FRIEND NEEDS FOOD SOONER THAN LATER… AND IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU TAKING THE INITIATIVE! VERY WELL, SANS! FETCH CHARA A DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE BAR AND, FOR SOME REASON, UNPLEASANTLY DRY CRUNCHY NOODLES.”
“Listen to me. The crunch is the best part.”
Is this too inane a conversation to be having at a time like this?
The worst possible thing has happened.
…
That’s why I have to say these stupid, insipid things.
If I succumb to the reality I face, I’ll never get you back.
I… I have to press on, whatever it takes.
That’s one of the few things I’m certain of.
"i'm off to grab the grub. don't party too hard without me." With that sardonic line, Sans turns a corner that does not lead to a door and disappears.
"I WISH I COULD DO THAT. I WOULD TELEPORT MY CAR!"
"I wonder why I was ever under the impression that was some manner of clandestine ability..."
"SANS ENJOYS BEING POINTLESSLY MYSTERIOUS."
"Yeah, he sure does," Undyne grumbles, breaking her uncharacteristic silence. Seems she won't forgive Sans so easily.
"I don't particularly care if you're angry at Sans for keeping my existence secret, but don't be angry with Frisk. I'm the one who didn't want my existence known."
Undyne lets out a harsh sigh, her arms folded. "I'm not mad at them. I'm not even really mad at Sans. Or you. Your... circumstances, they're tough. I get that. If everybody knew Frisk had a ghost in their head, and that ghost was the first fallen human? Yeah, that's complicated, alright. But... DAMMIT!! I wish Frisk could have TRUSTED me with that!! I can't believe this was going on ALL THIS TIME and I didn't know!! Maybe I could have helped you guys! Isn't that what friends do for each other?!"
"...Frisk wanted to me to reveal myself. They didn't push me, but they thought it would make me happy. I resisted it, and thus, they felt they had no choice but to keep the secret from all their friends. Sans would have remained ignorant too, had he not discovered me on his own."
"I told you, I GET it." Undyne runs her hand down her face. "You had your reasons! I know! It's just a lot to take in, and I can't instantly be okay with it! And on top of everything, Frisk is who-knows-where, and I couldn't do anything to help!"
Once upon a time, Undyne intended to slay you and take your SOUL.
Now, she grieves because she couldn't save you.
Alphys places a supportive paw on Undyne's arm.
"I'm frustrated with myself," Undyne continues, looking miserable. "If nothing else, I should have noticed you guys were going to the Underground so often and thought something was up."
"It--It's not just you. We all m-missed that. Maybe we got... c-complacent? Like, e-everything's fine now, all the l-loose ends are tied up... But we were wrong."
Complacent. Sans used that word too. Invincible Frisk, bringer of happy endings. They forgot that sequels often take ugly turns.
And then Papyrus, at my side, says with deep regret, "I SHOULD HAVE ASKED SANS FROM THE START IF HE REMEMBERED DAD."
What?
What did you just say, Papyrus?!
When I heard them speaking of Gaster earlier... there was something I fundamentally misunderstood, wasn't there?
...What the hell?!
You can't blindside me with this information now!
"turns out we might be kind of bad at communicating with each other. sorry i'm late, a little white dog ran off with the noodles and i had to go buy more. guess he likes 'em crunchy too."
While I was asleep, Papyrus, Sans, Undyne, and Alphys all conferred with one another. Sans came clean about everything short of Flowey, only for Papyrus to realize, at long last, that he was not the only one who was aware of W. D. Gaster.
Sans, whom I have suspected of omniscience, did not know this.
He did not have the slightest inkling.
Papyrus initially lacked any memory of Gaster after the accident, but evidence of Gaster remained. It was the selfsame evidence that you and I stumbled upon, Frisk. Even had we not encountered Gaster in Waterfall, all that we found in the workshop would have remained, and we could have drawn conclusions from there, which is precisely what Papyrus did.
Papyrus lives with Sans. If anyone could find something unusual (more unusual than usual) in Sans' behavior, it's his brother. Without a doubt, even Sans would have had difficulty maintaining a poker face the day of the accident.
That would have spurred Papyrus to go searching for an answer when Sans inevitably failed to give one.
(How did Papyrus get into the workshop, you may ask?
"OF COURSE I KNOW WHERE MY BROTHER KEEPS HIS KEYS. IN THE JUNK TORNADO, ON SUNDAYS.")
These discoveries ultimately lead to some of Papyrus' memories of their father returning, though from what they've discussed so far, Papyrus' seem fuzzier than Sans' own.
The reason why Papyrus never broached the subject was no different from Sans' rationale for keeping it from him. Sans didn't seem to remember, and Papyrus was afraid it would do more harm than good to attempt to explain to Sans that they have a father who, for some reason, does not seem to exist.
Papyrus is not a scientist like Sans. He has even less means by which to investigate Gaster's whereabouts. And having not been present for the accident, the reason for Gaster's disappearance was a mystery to him.
Thus, the trail went cold almost immediately.
They both knew.
All they had to do was talk to each other.
That's it. They could have shed the burden of being "the only one to know", and it took you falling into the CORE for the truth to come to light.
I think it's so pitiable even I can't laugh.
I'd have no right to laugh in the first place for having underestimated Papyrus for so long. I really believed he was far more simple and ignorant than he actually is.
Very well, Papyrus. The fool is me.
And perhaps there is no greater one.
At long last, we are now all on mostly the same page. I wonder if Flowey is as surprised by his number one fan as I am.
I'm eating the chocolate that Sans bought. It's a decent enough brand, though not my preferred one. More importantly, I -- or more accurately, this body felt better as soon as I swallowed the first bite. If it turns out that monster food can stave off CORE side-effects in humans... Frisk and I will be the only people this knowledge will ever benefit, I suppose, but we can still call it a landmark discovery.
...Is it too hasty of me to speak as if it's a given you'll come back?
I need you to come back.
Humans... Humans need to believe in things, don't they? It's such a weak trait for a species that is weak in all respects short of cruelty, but... I need to believe you'll come back.
After Papyrus explained himself, I learned this group was brainstorming how to save you while I was asleep.
I don’t think they can.
...That's a lie. It's total bullshit. I know it's asinine to think they can't save you alone. I may even be irrelevant to this endeavor. Sans and Alphys are bouncing ideas off one another, entertaining the idea of a machine that can detect human SOULS. Undyne and Papyrus are discussing patrolling Waterfall and Hotland for signs of Gaster or the gray monsters.
The thing is, Frisk... The truth is I want to be the one to save you. I, alone.
I can’t even begin to justify this; it’s unforgivably arrogant.
But no matter how egotistical it is to say, I want it to be up to me.
I want it to turn out that the only one who can save you is me.
How wretched.
This is my selfish wishful thinking; a desire to be your hero after all you’ve done for me.
How can I, with neither SOUL nor determination, do anything for you?
Is it not laughable?
Some things are impossible.
I want to do the impossible.
--Your phone rings.
I know who it is before I even look at the damn phone.
"It's Toriel," I say dully.
You've been gone long enough she must be worried, and rightfully so.
I don't want to answer.
I really don't want to.
If I have to reveal myself, fine. I'll do it. I'll endure it.
But for me to tell Toriel over the phone that Frisk is gone, and I am here...?
That isn't how it should be.
Must I spit in the Dreemurr's faces once more?
It suits a demon, not a hero.
As delusional as that wish is...
"i'll break it to tori. like i told you, frisk's my responsibility, and i screwed up."
You...
Are you changing in earnest, Sans?
Though I feel as if I'm shirking my own responsibility, I hand the ringing phone to Sans.
"...If you would."
Maintaining my animosity towards him is proving more difficult than I thought.
It would be useless animosity to begin with.
On the very last ring, Sans answers the phone.
I hear Flowey beneath my feet.
Only pain will come from listening. You must be a masochist.
I must be too.