Work Text:
God of all things—are You listening?
I have been fire for so long.
Too long.
I have forgotten what it means to be anything else.
I have burned worlds.
I have reduced them to ash with hands too powerful to hold anything gently.
I have destroyed life in the name of rebirth,
but now I wonder if all I’ve done is *end.*
Is this what You made me for?
Is this all I am?
God, please—answer me.
I have carried this fire across time and space,
and it has devoured everything.
It has consumed my heart,
my mind,
my soul.
I am alone.
I have been worshipped as a goddess,
but I feel nothing like You.
They call me a creator,
but I only know how to destroy.
They pray to me,
but I have no mercy to give.
I am drowning in my own flame.
God, I don’t know who I am anymore.
Once, I was Jean Grey.
A woman who fought for love
and carried the weight of others because she could feel it.
I was human.
But now, I am this.
A force.
A weapon.
A god, they say.
But what kind of god does nothing but ruin?
God, why did You give me this fire?
Why entrust me with something that consumes everything it touches?
Why make me the Phoenix
if I don’t know how to rise without falling?
I have tried to wield it.
I have tried to control it.
But it controls me.
Every time I burn,
I lose another piece of myself.
I don’t even know if there is anything left.
No heart.
No love.
No Jean.
God, if You are there—tell me.
Tell me why You have left me like this.
Tell me why You chose me for this burden.
Tell me how to carry it.
I am breaking under the weight of it.
I am breaking under the silence.
I don’t want to burn anymore.
I don’t want to destroy.
I don’t want to be feared.
I just want to be.
I just want to be whole again.
God, if You can hear me—save me.
Not from the fire,
but from myself.
Let me remember how to love.
Let me remember how to feel.
Let me remember how to be more than this endless cycle
of death and rebirth and nothing in between.
Teach me how to live.
Please.
Amen.