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BRANDT
The thing is – the thing is it’s not what a man expects to see at seven in the morning. There I was, in a standard IMF kitchen trying to get a standard IMF coffee, when the door bursts open and in comes Benji and Ethan. And Benji is chattering nineteen to the dozen, as he does. He always does. And Ethan is smiling.
And joking.
And helping make the coffee for about a dozen people. And all I can do is step out of the way while they move around the kitchen in perfect tandem.
‘Oh, hey, Will,’ Benji says (no-one else calls me Will. I only let him do it because he won’t stop. Also between you and me, and strictly between you and me, it’s kind of adorable.)
‘Brandt,’ Ethan says, one single nod. Oh, to me he’s still the monosyllabic man of mystery, but with Benji it’s jokes, and a discussion of who takes cream and who takes sugar and who likes a little syrup and the way they just pass the coffee pot to each other and hand over cups and pour the milk and don’t get in each other’s way at all – and all I can do is stand there and watch. And then Benji is carrying the tray and Ethan is opening the door and between them they’ve made seven cups of coffee and one tea, in perfect unison, all without spilling a drop and without exchanging a single word on how they’re going to do it.
I haven’t seen such perfect co-ordination since watching the Olympic Figure Skating finals. And I have never, ever seen Ethan Hunt look so happy to be making coffee at 7am for seven people. And as for jokes….
Tell no-one I watch figure skating, or I’ll hunt you down and remove your spleen.
JANE
I tried to warn Benji, I really did.
At first it was just a crush and you know, I couldn’t blame him. The great Ethan Hunt, a legend in the IMF, right there. And I’ll give Benji his due – his crush wasn’t just sighing over him. He tried to emulate him and became a pretty good field agent himself. I was glad he was on my team. I just – I just wish Benji had done all that work because he felt he was good enough, not to try to impress Ethan Hunt.
Anyway, I thought it would pass once the mission was over, and Benji could see he was damn good and didn’t need Ethan’s approval. Except – Ethan kept him around. Every mission he went on, Benji went right with him. And that was Ethan’s planning, not Benji’s.
I could see what was going to happen.
Benji fell in love.
I can’t blame him. I did it. I fell in love in the field with my agent. And I thought it was exciting, to love someone and save them and be with them all the time. Until he died in my arms.
Benji was there. Benji saw it. He knows what happens if you fall in love out there, but he seemed to have forgotten it.
So I told him.
‘I can see it,’ I said, sitting in the tiny little bar behind my apartment. A goodbye drink. I was leaving forever. I couldn’t take it any more. No more IMF. No more memories of the love of my life dying in my arms. ‘And if I can, so can everyone else.’
‘It’s just – it’s just me, Jane. It’s not reciprocated. And if Ethan doesn’t feel the same way, then it’s not dangerous, is it? And we work together well.’
He was so nervous and so shy and yet – he meant it. He was so sincere. It hurt what was left of my heart.
‘No, it’s not reciprocated, and if you can help yourself, stop loving him. It’s dangerous. It’ll get you killed.’
‘I can’t. I tried.’
Oh, Benji. His face had fallen when I said that to him. But I was lying. I could see the way Ethan looked at him. That smile he gave to no-one else. The way he listened to Benji when no-one else could get through to him. The way they worked together, easily anticipating each other’s needs, smoothing the path, almost reading each other’s minds. I knew that. I recognised that. It had been like that for me once. If Ethan Hunt wasn’t in love yet, he soon would be.
‘Have to go,’ Benji said. ‘Look, Ethan’s going to London by himself for a few days, and I’ll think about things. I really will, Jane. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should try to work without Ethan for a while.’
But the next thing I heard was that Hunt was disavowed – and then so was Benji. He had given up his entire life to go and join Ethan. And god knows, that’s the most dangerous thing he’s ever done, and he did it willingly.
I tried to warn Benji, I really did. But I don’t think anything could have stopped him. Certainly not me, so stop looking at me like that.
ILSA
Now look, I had a damn good try at seducing Ethan Hunt. And I’ll admit, he seemed appreciative. I mean, the classic coming out of the swimming pool moment had an effect, I know. Only now, I think the appreciation wasn’t so much for me as a potential object of love, as admiration at my skill at trying to get to him.
I could not get his attention away from Benji.
I mean, he literally died for him. Literally. I had to bring him back to life. And I felt guilty for the first time in years when Benji said he had misjudged me. Benji has excellent instincts. You should listen to them. He was right the first time about me and the only thing that could change his mind was me saving Ethan’s life.
You know – when I tried to tempt Ethan to run away with me, it wasn’t for love. It was for friendship – two people caught up in a madman’s plan making a last escape. We could help each other. We understand each other.
But I saw him glance, just a moment, behind him and I knew he’d never leave Benji. Maybe I should have included Benji in the invitation. I didn’t want Benji hurt. I truly didn’t. I like Benji. I’m very fond of him now.
I sat there and watched Ethan give a terrorist $50 million for Benji. And himself. His body and soul and mind to save Benji. That – that made it clear. It really did. I never thought love that like really existed.
I swear, if you hurt Benji, if you take him, if you try to use him to get to Ethan, Ethan Hunt will destroy you. He’d tear apart the world to get Benji back and you – there’d be nothing left of you.
And do you know what – I’d help him.
JULIA
I’ve always liked Benji. He’s sweet and funny and kind and intensely loyal to Ethan – and when I left, I knew he’d keep Ethan safe and sane.
I did not know Ethan was going to a Russian prison!
It was such a relief when I found out they were together again. You don’t need to know how I knew that. You’re not the only one with connections, you know.
I was so happy to see Ethan again in Kashmir and to see Benji still with him. I just wish we’d had time to talk before – well, before that bastard Lane attacked him.
‘You can’t tell Ethan,’ he said. ‘Please, Julia, you can’t.’
‘He’d want to know, Benji.’
‘He’d worry! He’d try to send me away again, like he tried to after London. He’ll shout about not being able to protect me and – I don’t want him to do that.’
‘What happened in London?’
‘Nothing – it’s not important – just – don’t tell him.’
‘He’ll notice.’ It was difficult to hide the bruise all round Benji’s neck, no matter how many scarfs he put on.
‘He won’t. I can keep this from him.’
Well, I promised, but I lied. You see, I saw the way Ethan looked at him when he woke up. That instant search for Benji, and the glow when he saw Benji was ok. I knew Benji mattered.
And it was a good thing Ethan found out when he was still too weak to get out of bed, because the first thing he tried to do was throw off his covers and run to Benji – and the second thing was threaten to kill Lane.
‘That’s the second time he’s tried to get to me through Benji. How dare he! How dare he…’ he said, as I pushed him back down and reattached the drip he was trying to tear out of his arm. My dear ex-husband, will never say one word where ten over-the-top actions will do.
‘Why?’ I asked. I knew perfectly well. But darling Ethan sometimes needs a little prompting where his emotions are concerned.
‘Why what?’ He seemed puzzled I even asked.
‘Why does Lane use Benji to get to you?’
‘He knows that’s how he can hurt me most…’ he said, so quietly. Oh, the poor man. That got to him. That really hit him hard.
‘Not Ilsa?’
‘Of course I care about Ilsa, but Benji’s different. Benji’s…’
‘Benji is…’
He looked up at me, those lovely green eyes of his just filled with all the emotion he can’t bring himself to say.
‘You’re in love with him,’ I said. He looked at me. Do you know, I don’t think he had even considered it in those terms? He knew he felt something. He knew he cared more deeply for Benji than anyone else. He knew protecting Benji was his highest priority. I just don’t think he knew what it was.
‘I…’ he said, softly.
‘I can tell,’ I told him. ‘I remember what you look like when you’re in love.’ It’s such a sweet memory but that’s all it is – a memory. I’d never want to lose that memory, but I don’t need Ethan’s love anymore. I have all I need. Now I wanted Ethan to get what he needed too.
‘Julia..’
‘Benji has always been special to you,’ I said, straightening his blanket. ‘And I like him a lot. I’m fairly sure he’s the one person that can keep you alive. And he adores you. You know he didn’t want me to tell you what Lane did, in case it hurt you, and you sent him away?’
‘I ought to,’ he said, and he was so miserable at the thought. ‘I get him hurt over and over again.’
‘He wouldn’t go.’
‘I know. He’s made that clear. But look at what being close to me has done to him.’
Poor Ethan. He really does have the weight of the world on his shoulders. He feels responsible for everyone around him. That nearly broke him, when it came to me. I wish – I wish I had had Benji’s courage back then. I wish I had been able to say that I wouldn’t leave Ethan, no matter what. But I was afraid, and he was so insistent. I leaned forward, my forehead against his.
‘Love him, Ethan,’ I said. ‘In whatever way you can. Don’t lose him.’
‘Julia…’
‘I let you go, Ethan Hunt. You’re his now.’
He waited a moment, then nodded. I pulled away and could see tears in his eyes, but he was smiling.
‘I’m his now,’ he replied, in such a low whisper I could barely hear. ‘I just – I don’t know what to do, Julia. I don’t know how – how to say the words. If I can say the words. How do I make up for all the danger it would put him in?’
‘You’ll figure it out, eventually.’
I guess he did. I hope he did. I hope he found the words.
LUTHER
Look, I didn’t want to leave Ethan and Benji. But this Entity shit – I need to concentrate and those two – trouble just follows them wherever they go. Never a quiet moment. And besides – if I start poking around in there – it’ll come after me, and I’d rather they weren’t around when that happened.
I knew they’d be safe without me. I mean, Ethan can do some crazy shit, but he stays alive. He has to come back to Benji, and Benji would never let him die without him. And Ethan would never let Benji die so…
I have to admit, it was a wrench leaving those two. I was kinda hoping to see it all work out. I mean, I’ve seen it all. I think sometimes they forget I’m there, and just go on as if they’re alone. And I see how Benji has become one hell of an agent because of Ethan’s faith in him, and so he can support Ethan – maybe take some of the pressure to do those things off him. Don’t need to drive the car crazy, Ethan, Benji drives perfectly well. No need to risk the streets, Ethan, Benji knows how to drive a boat. Pretty sure Benji is learning how to fly helicopters now.
And Ethan – my god, the change in Ethan. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he grew a heart. But I know that heart was always there, it was just turned to stone. But somehow that weird little English guy just melted it. Yeah, I sound like a fucking fairy story. But you know what? I’m not wrong. Ethan Hunt could be a ruthless bastard once. There was a time he would have killed that Paris girl. But he’s gone to caring about nobody to caring for the whole world, and that’s cos of Benji.
Don’t tell him I said that.
I can see they love each other. Everyone we meet can see Benji loves Ethan. But Ethan – you need to know him well to see it. But I’ve seen it. I watched him sit there, staring into space, staring into darkness when Benji was kidnapped.
‘This is a fucked up plan, Ethan. You’ll be lucky to get out alive.’
‘As long as Benji does, that’s all that matters.’
‘Ethan – I like Benji, but he’s not worth…’
‘Don’t. Don’t say it, Luther. I don’t want to hear it.’
Benji is worth everything to Ethan. Knew it then. Often wanted to tell Benji, but those words have to come from Ethan.
And they did. Sort of.
Didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It was after Ethan tried to send us all away – before Ilsa died. We’d all said no – Benji said no and we all agreed. Ilsa and me were getting on with things and Benji went into the other room. Ethan followed him.
‘If you go back to London, then…’
‘I’m not going, Ethan! We all agreed, we’re not leaving you – that’s what the Entity wants.’
‘The Entity is after me, and last time someone was after me…’
‘What, Ethan?’
‘They used you,’ he said, in a very quiet voice. But Ilsa and me – we can hear pretty good. Never think a spy can’t hear you. We looked at each other and we had a single thought – is it happening now?
‘Lane took you and hurt you to get to me twice and now Gabriel is here and the last time – the last time – he killed someone I love. I don’t – I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.’
We could hear Benji breathing – fast and shallow, like he had been running.
‘I can’t leave you, Ethan,’ he said eventually. ‘God knows what trouble you’ll get into without me.’
We heard Benji start to walk away, and then the rustle of fabric as if Ethan had grasped his sleeve.
‘Benji, please…’
‘Ethan – I can’t. Don’t ask me again.’
‘Benji…’
I waited and waited but Ethan just couldn’t say the words. He never could, the stupid idiot. But – but he’d said more than he had ever said before. Everything but. It was obvious to us, and it must have been obvious to Benji – I just wished I could see their faces. I heard movement and if I had to guess, I think Benji must have reached out and hugged Ethan. For just a second. Just enough to show he understood and felt the same.
Eventually Benji just left the room and Ethan came back in to us. I think he’d guessed we’d been listening, because he just looked up at us with such a sad smile.
‘Ethan – think of it this way,’ Ilsa said eventually. ‘Isn’t it better to have him here, where you can see him and look after him then out there somewhere, where anyone can get to him?’
He looked at her for a moment, and then smiled, and nodded.
‘You may have a point,’ he conceded.
‘And for god’s sake tell him,’ I snapped, unable to bear it any more. ‘You know, actual words. Not just a hint.’ He looked at me, his eyes wide with surprise – and then nodded.
‘I will. After this is over.’
‘If it ever is,’ I muttered. Damn idiot. He walked away, probably to sulk on the roof again, but Ilsa took hold of my arm.
‘I think they both know, somewhere deep down inside.’
‘Knowing’s no good if they don’t say,’ I told her. ‘You know that. Otherwise they’re just guessing. They have to know the price each is willing to pay to get this done – or what they won’t pay.’
Idiots. Stupid idiots. They are the dearest people in the world to me, and I could slap them both. I’d do anything to be able to do that, now. Slap them both and tell them they love each other and lock them in a room together. Didn’t they deserve that, after all this time.
PIERRE
So this is all you want to know? Nothing else? I mean, when you run a gas station in the Alps, you see all kinds of interesting things.
Well, no you don’t. You see a lot of goats and a lot of snow. They were my only visitors all day.
The English man, the one was driving – he came in and paid for the gas and bought a lot of snacks. He paid by cash. I remember that, because hardly anyone pays in cash these days. The other man in the car – he was watching him. Very intently, I thought. And I could see him thinking. You know how sometimes you look at someone and you think there’s nothing going on there? Well, you look at him and you could see there’s a lot going on there. And he came to a decision – I don’t know why, or what triggered it, but he suddenly got out of the car and walked – almost ran – straight into the shop. The Englishman had gone back to the snacks and when the other man came in, he said;
‘Ethan, I was thinking…’
But the other man said.
‘I love you. I have to say it now. I should have said it before and I didn’t and I’ve been stupid, but we have no idea what’s going to happen and I had to say it, I love you, I love you.’
He just stood there, staring at the Englishman, who just stared back at him, in complete shock.
‘Say something, Benji,’ the American said, and he sounded very desperate. Benji just stood there, and then he dropped all the stuff he’d been holding and grabbed the American and kissed him. He cupped his face in his hands and pulled him in and kissed him.
‘I love you. I love you,’ the Englishman whispered, when he pulled away.
‘Oh thank god. I was worried I was getting this all wrong.’
‘Well, you could have said something sooner…’
‘I know – I know…I just – I just didn’t have the words.’
‘I think you found the right ones.’
And they kissed again and hung to each other like they were hanging onto life. They kept trying to pull each other closer and kissing the other more and eventually I had to cough and remind them they were in public. They looked round at me, and then the Englishman looked up at the camera.
‘We should go,’ he said, but he didn’t let go of the American. They were holding hands and the American looked like he’d never let go. They nodded at me and left and only let go of each other to get into the car.
The American looked at the Englishman like – what is that phrase? Like he hung the moon? And the Englishman – he looked determined. I think – I think he looked like he’d fight anyone who got between him and the American.
It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen. I’m going to go home and tell Jean I like him and can I kiss him.
GRACE
I’m very good at reading people. I have to be. Can’t con someone if you don’t know how they think.
I admit, I was slow at first. I mean, it had been a traumatic few days and my entire life had been turned upside down more times than that damn car. So I didn’t notice at first.
Ethan Hunt has a habit. That habit is reaching out to Benji Dunn. All the time. Sometimes it’s just a hand towards him, sometimes he grasped his shoulder, but all the time – reaching for Benji.
I know what that means. And it made me feel safer, somehow. I mean, he loved this man more than his own life, I could see it. I mean – both of them. They loved each other. And it’s not that bad guys can’t love, it’s just – not usually to the point where they’d willingly die for each other. (I mean – most – there was that woman and her man in Lithuania and they – do you know what, you don’t need to know about that. But it’s a very sad story). So I kind of thought – ok, I’ll trust them.
When I saw them again, I knew. They’d said it. They’d said I love you because they thought they were about to die. And I felt fucking doomed. Great. Just great. Very happy for you both, love to see a happy ending, but would rather not be caught up in your doomed love story thank you very much.
But – but there was something about them. Their love was so intense, so encompassing and yet – they cared about us too. A thief, an assassin and an ex CIA agent. They’d die for each other but for us too.
Even worse – better – they’d lose each other for us. That – that hurt. I looked at them – I looked at how peaceful Ethan Hunt was with him – how Benji supported and protected him – how well they fitted together and I didn’t want them to lose each other. I wanted them to be together for ever. I’ve never believed in happy ever after but those two – it could work for those two. They genuinely could have happy ever after.
I saw them say goodbye. I saw Ethan pull Benji down so their foreheads were touching. I saw Benji cry and I saw Ethan jump to the sub and I saw Benji be broken – I saw him sobbing and I thought fuck this, no. They get what the rest of us can’t have. They get a happy ending.
So I went up to him and said
‘Right, how do we get him back?’
And he looked at me, and his eyes – I never want to see eyes like that. They just shattered my heart into pieces, and I won’t stand for anyone reminding me I have a heart.
‘He said you could always find him. So find him.’
And there it was. A little spark of life in him. He nodded.
And that’s how we ended up in the plane. Paris and Degas and Benji and me. The oddest little group of heroes you ever did see. (I’ve always hated heroes. I’m really disappointed in myself that I ended up being one.) We’re going to find Ethan Hunt and we’re going to give him back to Benji and we’re going to give them the happy ending they deserve.
And don’t you dare stop me.