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Sitting on the edge of the sink, she swung her legs impatiently, staring at the test she'd taken just seconds ago, that was upside down to prevent any sneak peaks.
Her heart was thumping, sending blood flowing into a frenzy around her body as it tried to keep up with her rapidly changing emotions.
Hope, lay somewhere deep down in her heart, hiding. As if scared to come out and be shunned by the universe once more.
Her eyes kept going back and forth between the bathroom walls and the test.
How long was it supposed to take? She thought. Please. Please be positive.
She was already visualising Lars' face in her mind when she told him the news. The way they'd celebrate with happiness, pick out names and clothes...
Maybe she was getting too hopeful. This had already happened before and she found her hand drifting to the test as she braced for the disappointment that was sure to come.
But it didn't.
Two red lines stared right back at her from the test, and from the other one she'd taken just to be extra sure.
Sinking to the floor, she laid a hand over her womb, where her baby was growing, no bigger than the size of a poppy seed surely.
"Hi baby," she whispered. "I love you so much already. Please hang on in there, you have no idea how wanted you are.
Tears began to form in her eyes, her traitorous mind thinking of worse times as she spoke softly to her baby, hoping her love carried through to it.
...
Lars isn't here, her mind panicked. Lars isn't here.
Fuck. Fuck.
Please.
No.
It was hurting so much, like someone was forcing their hand into her womb and twisting it. Her baby was being ripped out of her.
Crimson droplets fell onto the floor, a warning sign.
"Ivy," she said desperately through the bathroom door. "Ivy I think I'm having a miscarriage." She managed to stand up and unlock it.
"I think so too," her friend whispered, looking devastated as she kneeled on the floor next to her. "It's okay," she said, hugging her tightly. "Deep breaths, Alisa."
She was crying now. Really crying.
"Ivy it hurts so much," she cried. "I want it to stop, I can't take it."
"It's not your fault, Alisa. Sometimes this happens, okay?" Her friend said softly. "It's gonna be okay."
It went on for what felt like hours, as she wept into her friend's shoulder.
Since it had already begun, Ivy suggested that she call Lars so that they could go to the hospital, or have a midwife come to the house.
This wasn't supposed to happen, she and Lars had been so happy. And now she was losing their baby and he wasn't here, he was out of the city on a business trip.
Within a few minutes of calling, Alisa's midwife, who should have been the one to deliver the baby, arrived at the house.
Layla was a woman in her late forties, with light brown hair done up in a low ponytail with a fringe across her forehead, and kind blue eyes paired with the nicest smile you could ever see.
She was always so kind that it hurt to call her in a situation like this.
"I know, darling. I know," she said, rubbing Alisa's shoulder. "Sometimes it's not meant to be and we can't control it."
"Everything was going so well," she sniffed, wiping her eyes with a tissue. "We had so many plans."
"Don't worry, darling you'll get through this, I know you can. Be strong, blessings always come in one way or another."
...
She hoped that this time she'd be seeing Layla for many good reasons instead. Hopefully, also to deliver her baby when the time came.
Right now, though, she'd wait for Lars to get home.
Placing the pregnancy test inside her drawer, she went downstairs to check on the apple pie she'd been making.
For a good occasion.
When Lars came home, she'd tell him and they'd be happy and maybe they could take out some of the things they'd bought the year before...before they lost their first baby.
It'd taken a while for her to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't her fault; she'd kept thinking that she'd gotten too excited too quickly. That maybe she should've waited a bit longer before making all these grand plans.
So she'd waited to be given that chance again and promised herself she wouldn't repeat the same mistakes, but here she was thinking about huge plans again.
The sweet scent of honeyed, spiced apples floated through the house as she sighed.
Please don't take my baby away from me again.
She didn't think she could handle a second miscarriage.
Hearing the rumble of a car pulling into the driveway, she ran upstairs to get the pregnancy test. To show her husband.
...
"You are making a terrible, terrible mistake Alisa," her grandmother said.
"I always am," she replied, looking the older woman in the eyes defiantly. "This is my choice. I won't let you take away my chance at happiness."
"Then know that the moment you walk down that aisle, in your lovely little dress," the woman said, walking closer. "You forsake all ties with this family. No part of you will remain in this house. Then we will see if your Dracas boy still loves you, when you have nothing else to offer him."
"I don't want to be part of your family," Alisa spat. "You live in a bubble of your own misery and I don't wish to choke with you."
"Your mother would be ashamed of you," the matriarch whispered. "For abandoning your family."
"If my mother was still here she never would have allowed this."
"Your mother would have accepted her duty without question!" she shouted. "She made mistakes but beneath it all she was and still is a member of this family."
"My mother," Alisa whispered, tears glistening in her eyes. "Would have been walking out of that door with me, and you know it. She would be deeply ashamed of you, grandmother. Of what you've become."
...
She hears the familiar sound of a key rattling in the lock, and the door opens.
Shit, I should've planned a surprise or something, she thinks. Nevermind, too late now.
Instead, she just flings herself into his arms as soon as she gets downstairs.
"I'm pregnant," she grins, watching a hundred different emotions become present on his face.
"You-you're serious?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
"I'm serious," she grins, getting teary-eyed. "We're going to be parents."
Eight months later, the cries of her children finally fill the room after hours of labour. A boy and a girl. Two beautiful babies joining their family.