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Fortune Kooky

Summary:

“And you end up with… a beard!” she exclaimed pointing at Jayce’s face.

Viktor rolled his eyes while Jayce looked on, amazed at her prophecy.

“And then…” she turned her gaze to Viktor. “You turn into a robot!” cried out the fortune teller, falling back in fear. “A terrifying robot bent on taking over the world!”

“Eh, sounds fake,” said Viktor.

“Viktor, don't be rude!” said Jayce, but starting to feel a bit doubtful at this point.

A fic about two academy boys visiting a completely accurate fortune teller.

Notes:

I have been summoned to bring comedy to the tag

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“I don't want to do this, Jayce,” complained Viktor. “Fortune telling is all hogwash and a waste of our time.”

“Oh come on Viktor, it'll be fun!” Insisted Jayce, who had a bit of a thing for magic and the occult. If he ever got attacked by sorcery, a part of him probably would be thinking about how cool it was to be blasted by a lightning bolt.

“I don't even believe in Janna, why would I go into a temple for her. There must be something wrong about that,” said Viktor, trying to worm his way out of this.

Jayce hummed as he walked down the bridge, making sure Viktor didn't pretend to slow down and fall behind then end up back in the lab. The man was actually quite fast when he wanted to be, crutch be damned.

“Come on buddy,” said Jayce, putting a friendly arm around the smaller man. “Sky said it would be good for us! Maybe Janna can blow some inspiration our way.”

Viktor and Jayce had been stuck on their rune configurations for quite a while. Sky, worried about their flagging spirits, mentioned that Maryam, the temple caretaker down in Zaun gave fortunes out to people for donations.

“Maybe you'll find some guidance there. When I was younger, my mom used to go to the temple and Maryam always gave perfect predictions— that is, when Janna’s divine wind was blowing," Sky had said back in the lab with a kind smile.

Viktor had almost snorted at that, but instead shook his head.

The undercity man now wished he did make more of a fuss because his leg was starting to hurt from the walk.

“Jayce, my leg hurts,” said Viktor.

“Should we go back then?” said Jayce, a face seemingly full of worry.

“If you think that's a good idea,” said Viktor, silently cheering for his win, a win for science over superstition!

It was ruined when he felt Jayce’s warm back on his front.

“Jayce, put me down!” Viktor flushed furiously as his lab partner put large arms around his thighs, making his legs stretch open around the man’s broad back.

Jayce laughed and walked further into Zaun. “You said your leg hurt! And we're almost to the temple anyway.”

Viktor used his crutch to smack Jayce a bit. The man was so strong, so it wasn't like it would hurt him. But it wouldn't hurt if it could stop the man from taking him to this…to this… Institution of falsehood!

“Put me down! Sir, please!” Viktor turned to the man just coming down the street with two brightly haired girls in front of him. “I'm being kidnapped.”

“Oh dear,” came a slick voice from the thin scarred man's face. “That's too bad, since I'm also a kidnapper. Isn't that right darlings?”

The two girls with the man were unimpressed, the pink haired one rolling her eyes while the blue haired one just pouted.

“Come along now poppets, your father is waiting for you. He'll want to know all the trouble you've gotten into today.” He used his long hands to push the girls backs, making sure they couldn't run away.

“Yes, Uncle Silco,” said the two in unison, as they looked back at Viktor with a bit of sympathy, and he looked back at those two poor souls.

In the silent voice of the oppressed, they bonded over their captivity, and their inability to get away from the terrible men who were taking them to see a terrible fate.

“You're going to have fun, Viktor! I promise!” said Jayce happily as the temple came into view.

“Hooray,” replied Viktor flatly, as he rested his chin on Jayce’s shoulder. At least the man was warm. Viktor hated feeling cold in this chilly breeze.

 

 


 

The temple was quiet, with worshippers in the pews. A giant statue of Janna was at the end of the temple, the evening sun illuminating her through the stained glass windows.

The temple was excavated and lifted up from a fissure that had collapsed. From the fissure came a fresh breeze, instead of the grey smog that was expected, and the Zaunites declared it a miracle.

Together as a community, they came together and the sunken temple now was at the end of The Lanes, a proud pillar of their community, while also providing a strange flow of fresh air which was so needed in the area.

Viktor actually read the paper on the fluid dynamics of the temple fissure, which was fascinating— the location as well as the way the fissure collapsed had created a natural Holloran spiral which kept the dense smog underground while pulling fresh air out.

It wasn't divine intervention though! Simply science!

Viktor kept grumbling as he sat in the pew, waiting for Jayce to finish talking to an attendant, trying to make an appointment with the temple caretaker.

“I cannot wait to get back to the lab,” said Viktor to himself, getting more and more annoyed.

“Do you not like it here, young man?” An older woman was sitting next to him, with a kind open face. Viktor suddenly felt quite embarrassed — he didn't want to be here but there was no need to be rude.

“Er, no, it's lovely,” said Viktor, looking around. It really was quite nice. It was white and blue, a very Demacian looking piece of work from antiquity, probably built by the ancient fishermen clans that used to live at the ports here before the council was formed and the scientists rolled in.

“I just have so much work to do, and I would like to just continue that. It's my partner who wants to be there,” said Viktor, gesturing to Jayce who was still chatting away.

The woman smiled warmly. “Oh, I'm sure your husband will appreciate you supporting him.”

“Jayce? My husband?” said Viktor, shocked. Did they look like they were married? He thought they had only looked exactly as they were — two men of science who hung out with each other every day, sharing ideas and thoughts, living together, sleeping together in one large bed (one large bed since the rest of the apartment was needed for scientific equipment), and having a mutual shared committed future together. Very not married!

“Oh, I see you met Maryam!” said Jayce, who had come back to Viktor while the Zaunite was short-circuiting in front of this kind well meaning woman.

“Wait,” said Viktor. “You're Maryam?”

She bowed her head. “Good to meet you. In Janna's name.”

Viktor closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his forehead to relieve some of the pressure of his growing headache.

 

 


 

“Now what is it that you wished to see me for?” said the woman, as she put her official robes on alongside an elaborate headdress.

She had brought them to her office through the side door, to her counseling room. It was quiet, calm, and very temple-y as far as Viktor could tell.

“We would like to seek guidance. We have an assistant in our lab, Sky Young, and she said you could …” Jayce trailed off, a bit embarrassed to say what he wanted to next.

“She said that you could predict the future,” said Viktor, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

She smiled back, calm as ever, like a gentle breeze.

“Well, one cannot call upon the divine so easily. It comes and goes like the wind itself. I personally haven't received Janna’s direct prophecy in quite some time, but I do feel her presence always in my heart.”

“That's beautiful,” said Jayce, touched at the woman's piety and faith.

Viktor fought hard to not roll his eyes.

“I am sorry my dears, but if it's the future you want, it's something you'll have to work on yourself. Every day comes with a new blessing, and we must go with the—”

Suddenly, a gust slammed open the door and swept into the room. Viktor screamed in shock as Maryam stood up silently, her mouth open and her head tilted back. There was something so familiar and eerie about the sight.

He felt Jayce hold him, keeping his head in the large warm muscled chest. His partner was prone to jumping up and trying to protect him, which bothered Viktor less than he thought it would. Viktor and Jayce kept their eyes closed as papers whipped around the room and things fell off the tables and desks.

The wind died down as quickly as it came, and they both heard Maryam collapse back in her chair.

“Ma’am are you alright?” Jayce went around the desk to the woman's side.

The woman was gasping, lungs working for air, and her eyes looked wild and crazed. She shook as she looked down at Jayce.

“Augh!” cried the woman as she scrambled away from him.

“Ma’am?” asked Jayce, concerned at her reaction. “You're alright, it was just a gust of wind. Probably some movement from the fissure.”

She took deep breaths through her nostrils as she fixed her eyes on Jayce.

Then she lifted a finger, pointed a finger at Jayce and said something that Viktor would never forget, in a deep sonorous voice.

“You,” she said, eyes full of what could only be described as astral wisdom. “Shall have a thick full beard!”

“... Excuse me?” said Jayce, confused.

“Yes, you—” she came down to where he was, both of them kneeling on the ground. Her hands came to Jayce and cradled the sides. “You shall have hair coming down to here. Not too far. And it will cover your eyes!”

“Is this a prophecy?” said Jayce, in awe.

“Yes! Janna's wind has come by and I can see it now!” She said, before her eyes rolled back up again.

“What do you see now?” asked Jayce, insistent. He couldn't believe it. A real life prophecy!

“You're going to…” she furrowed her brows and closed her eyes in concentration, still not letting go of Jayce. “You're going to start a relationship with a council member!”

She blinked. “I'm so sorry to predict your infidelity to your husband. But prophecies are only what is predicted. You have the power to change what has been said. It may not be my place, but I believe it is best for married couples to remain faithful to each other.”

Jayce stared at the woman. “But I'm not married.”

Maryam wanted to cry bitter tears at that. Once again her prophecies had only brought around destruction. The man, so fully believing that he would betray his husband with an affair, had already abandoned his marriage!

She turned to the other man to apologize for breaking their relationship apart, but when she saw his gaze, she screamed.

 

 


 

Viktor had enough of this charlatan. The woman obviously had someone make a device to blow wind into her office as a trick to get rich donors to pay to keep her coffers full.

Jayce? With a beard? The man who shaved every day? Impossible. He saw the man shave himself, in their shared washroom.

The comment about the council member did make him wary though. It wouldn't do for Jayce to get manipulated by them. It also made Viktor feel sick in his stomach, and a bit tight in his chest to think about it.

I must be sick of this perverse play, thought Viktor. He might not believe in Janna, but it was another thing for someone to use people's faith to take advantage of others. The undercity still remained a dirty place.

The woman, the trickster, in front of him was now scrambling away from him. She sure did play the part well. He truly would have believed she was terrified if he didn't know better.

“Janna preserve us!” said Maryam, clutching her heart.

“Did you see something, Ma’am?” said Jayce gently beside her. After the marriage comment, he was starting to doubt that the woman was all there. Besides, who would he be married to? He wouldn't have any time for them since he was always hanging out with Viktor!

“You,” she pointed at Viktor with a trembling finger. “You must change your ways!”

“Or else?” said Viktor, quite on his way to losing his patience.

“You'll end up killing your lab assistant! You become a monster!”

“Hey! You don't talk to Viktor that way!”

“You become,” she continued, voice choked with deep fear. “A giant robot man bent on destroying the world.”

Jayce had enough. It was one thing to say that he was going to have a beard, which was already impossible, but to now say his best friend was going to kill people? This was too much.

“Let's get out of here, Viktor,” he said while picking up Viktor’s crutch and handing it over.

“I thought you wanted your prophecies,” said Viktor mildly.

“Not like this. She was right before she went all crazy on us. The future is something we build ourselves.”

They smiled at each other with that, knowing that they were more secure in their partnership than ever before.

They left the raving woman behind, but not before hearing one last prophecy.

“You become a wizard, Viktor! An old wizard who controls time and space!” she slowly rocked back and forth, her mind filled with horrible images of a possible future path.

The two men slowly closed the door.

“She's… going to be fine, right?”

Viktor sighed. “Let's go find an attendant.”

 

 


 

They never went back to the temple.

Despite that unfortunate incident, it did bring about great change in their lives.

Jayce became wary of council members and their advances, not wanting to make the prophecy come true.

Viktor never played around with anything involving robotic parts and self-weaving runes. The thought of becoming anything like a robot or a wizard and letting that madwoman be right was too infuriating to contemplate.

Instead, he and Sky worked on creating new species of plants that eventually created a medicine that helped stabilize Viktor’s condition.

One thing though did come true.

Jayce did grow out that beard just to see how it'd look, as he had never thought of that before seeing the old caretaker.

Viktor proposed quite suddenly when Jayce’s hair grew out.

“Excuse me?”

“You look absolutely handsome like this, Jayce. You must marry me.”

“Oh, um,” replied Jayce.

“Please?”

Something fluttered in Jayce’s chest. Suddenly it all fell into place.

“Yes, Viktor,” he said softly. “I will.”

Viktor gave a soft smile. “Wonderful.”

It really was the last clue. Viktor seeing his now roguish looking partner caused him to realize how he never wanted to let his handsome brilliant partner out of his sight. In return, the proposal was the most efficient way to make sure Jayce was on the same page, and a good test of their affection.

“Now, can you please pass me that screwdriver, please?”

“Yes, Viktor,” Jayce replied laughing. “I will.”

Nothing really changed in their lives, despite prophecies or proposals. Yet somehow, everything did.

 

 


 

“Are you sure you want to invite her?” frowned Viktor as he went through the invitations.

“Well, she kind of was the reason we're getting married if you think about it.”

Viktor looked like he ate a sour-apple from a particularly unappetizing stall from the undercity.

“Fine, but if she makes any prophecies, you're taking care of it.”

Jayce went over and kissed his fiance on the temple. “Will do, partner.”

 

 


 

The two men stood in the hall holding hands, smiling after exchanging vows.

Their friends and family were there, crying and smiling at the two who were finally, after all these years, getting married instead of… whatever they were doing before.

“If there is anybody here who objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

It was a calm silence, the silence of unified support.

Then, a thick sweeping gust came in and both their eyes widened and turned towards the audience, searching for one particular older woman.

From the crowd came a shrill, “You're going to lose an eye to a Noxian warlord! And get shot at by an absolute—”

“Jayce…” sighed Viktor.

“On it.”

Notes:

Lol I love Legends of Runeterra there are so many fun characters there. Featuring the most OP cards, Maryam and Sunken Temple.

This is my take on responding to the whole final act, cuz all that scary stuff needs to be addressed sure, but in setbet style where it's only comedy and misunderstandings. Because I am tired! Of! Angst!!! We won y'all Jayvik WON and I want my boys happy!

Oh and I realized this is the first time I actually had them get married.... Ok time to write a wedding fic????

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