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With a faint buzzing thrumming behind his eyelids Neil felt his subconscious pull itself into a state of being almost awake. If he were to move slightly, adjust the blanket that had fallen off him and reposition the makeshift couch cushion, he was sure he’d be able to fall back asleep. That is, if it weren’t for the feeling of a heavy set of keys landing solidly on his stomach, jolting him fully into consciousness.
“Fuck off.” His voice was gruff, tone just short of a growl, lips dry and throat parched.
Blinking up at the warm dorm room lighting Neil grabs the keys and traces the outlines of them, they hold parts of him he’d grown scared to lose and spoke of a hope he hadn’t dared dream of having. A set of keys was just that to most people, but Neil always gripped his just a little bit tighter, holding them just that little bit longer before he’d hang them on the shared hooks that lay adjacent to the door in their dorm.
Boots with weight that carried sound made their way closer to Neil and the familiar face of Andrew peered into Neil’s view, blocking the light, blonde hair illuminated by it instead, like a halo. “Get up.” Andrew spoke, his words a demand but his tone betraying a hint of fondness.
Sitting up Neil ran a hand across his face. “Couldn’t have given me ten more minutes?” Neil grumbled.
“You told me to wake you up at three.” A pause. “It is three past three, you got two more minutes than you asked for.”
Furrowing his brows Neil looked towards Andrew once more to send a half hearted glare his way.
Andrew flicked his forehead in response. “A promise is a promise.”
Yelping Neil let out a string of curses under his breath to which he knew Andrew finds a semblance of glee with eliciting from him. Always one to love when Neil strung together colourful words in whatever language came to mind, the odd amalgamation of a threat a small joy for him.
Neil offered up his thanks to Andrew as his trainers were dropped at his feet. Despite Andrew’s restlessness, something only Neil can see from studying Andrew so often, he takes his time toeing on his shoes and retying the laces. Andrew’s glare didn’t change but it was in the way he held himself, with his arms crossed and his pointer finger tapping against his forearm, that betrayed the fact there was a part of him, miniscule as it was, that was eager for the events that were about to transpire.
They left the dorm room in silence and made their way to the parking lot, shoulders bumping and stealing looks. The usual way in which they interacted, charged with unbridled excitement.
Sliding into the driver's side Neil waited for Andrew to get himself situated in the passenger seat of the Maserati. “I’ve booked us a track.” Neil stated, turning the key in the ignition.
The car stuttered to life around them and suddenly music started to play through the speakers, crisp the guitar of a cover band on the radio rang loudly before Neil had the opportunity to turn it down. He winced as he did so, the last of his sleep shocked out of his system.
Hand still on the dial he turned to Andrew, “that sound okay?”
“I’m not the expert.” Andrew counters.
“Yeah well, I’m not the one who wants to learn how to drag race.” Neil barely contains his tone as he fires back.
Head tilted down and eyebrows raised, “maybe you did need that extra seven minutes of sleep.” Andrew responded.
“You’re chatty today.” Neil commented as he started their commute.
“And?”
“Just an observation.”
“Yeah well, stop observing.”
Neil grinned, the natural back and forth filtering out the crankiness from being woken from his nap and instead replacing it with an innate fondness for the man that sat beside him.
“And stop that.” Andrew continued unprompted.
“Stop what?”
“You know exactly what.” Andrew said and if Neil were one to bet he would place money on the fact that Andrew had rolled his eyes.
As they drove the scenery passed them by in blurs of neutrals fading into one another. Greens and greys, browns and muted tones accompanied one another and merged only to be split up by the occasional neon lighting of rest stops and inns along the highway. A drive that would have felt like it dragged on for ages, begging the question of, ‘are we there yet?’ felt like nothing in the company of one another. So often did they spend time together in silence that Neil let it wash over him and take them from their start destination to their end one in the blink of an eye.
Coming upon the parking lot of the track, there were a few cars to tell of other’s being there in the parking lot but aside from that the location was rural and out of the way. Having taken a little under an hour to get there Neil was grateful to be able to get out of the car and stretch out his legs. Long limbs popped as he overextended his arms and tilted backwards in order to stretch out his back.
He heard as Andrew tentatively got out of the car as well, his eyes trained on the gated track, spotting the cars go around the circuit there, tyres skidding on well worn paths.
“Come on.” Neil beckoned him over, having him tear his eyes away from the scene that had caught his attention.
Nodding at him Andrew followed dutifully as Neil led them to the counter and got them sorted. It wasn’t long until he had them on the track, Maserati parked on the makeshift starting line ready for them to take over the course for their designated time slot.
Placing his hands on the roof of the car Neil looked across the black metal towards Andrew, “did you want me to demonstrate before you have a go?”
Andrew nodded, eyeing the driver side like it had suddenly grown thorns.
Once in the car Neil ran through an explanation with Andrew, ensuring the other was paying attention as he walked them both through the steps he took when drag racing a car. Whether it was exactly how someone should be drag racing a car was another thing entirely, but if it worked it worked and Andrew wanted to learn from him so as long as they achieved the rush of adrenaline they were here to chase then Neil considered it a day well spent.
It was an enticing feeling, a feeling one quickly grew addicted to as the air left your body and time seemed to slow infinitely as you sped up, shifting gears and changing directions so quickly it was over in the blink of an eye. Neil had never formally drag raced a car but when it had come up in conversation with the foxes, after a brief explanation as to what it exactly entailed, he’d gone on to explain the events of one of many chases he’d been in. His eyes having connected with Andrew across the room, the other’s eyes alight with something akin to curiosity and a newfound desire to learn a new skill. It wasn’t often Neil got to teach Andrew something, always one to follow wherever Andrew would lead and so he’d agreed immediately, no thinking necessary when Andrew had asked something from him.
Slowing the car to a stop Neil grinned and took off the helmet provided by the centre, waiting for Andrew to do the same. Neil's breathing was laboured, catching as he gained control over it once again, the thrill of the feeling from skidding around the track was something Neil didn't know he had missed.
Getting out of the car Neil shut the driver’s side door behind him and leant against it, leaving his helmet on the seat. He waited for Andrew to round the car, stopping him in his tracks as he came to stand in front of Neil.
“What is it?” Andrew asked him, his hair sticking up behind his ears and his face flushed from the adrenaline.
“I want to know why.” Neil said.
“Why what?”
“You know what. Why did you want to learn to drag race?”
A silence stretched between them momentarily. A different one this time. Their relationship was full of stretches of silence that conveyed more than words could more often than not. It was a language privy only to them and one that Neil was grateful to have with Andrew, especially with the team being full of so many prying ears and so he waited.
Andrew shrugged as he answered. “I was curious.”
“About?” Neil probed him to continue.
“About the other sides of you.”
“But I’m the same I’ve always been.” Neil spoke and he was confused.
Andrew stepped closer, invading Neil’s space and watching for any sign that the fact he was doing so was not okay. “I’m not saying that. I’m saying–” Andrew paused, mulling over his next words, “I’m saying that I wanted to see you in a different element. I’m admitting I want to know more about you.”
Neil blinked rapidly, almost as if he were shocked by the answer. He’d been expecting something out of pocket, some nefarious reason or some scheme of Andrew’s. Instead he’d received something real, something that reminded him of the way they’d begun this thing between them. It was electrifying to know that just as much as Neil watched and observed Andrew, that Andrew wanted to know him to the same extent.
Pushed on with something akin to cheek at this admittance of emotion from Andrew, Neil responded, “so what you’re saying is you like me.”
Andrew’s look turned into a glare, a minor twitch to the corner of his mouth. “I’m going to shut you up before you say anything else fucking cringe.”
“Oh?” Neil teased. “But it’s your turn.”
“The car can wait.” Andrew said, hand reaching up and resting on the back of Neil’s neck. “Is that okay?”
Neil breathed out a yes and seconds later his lips were captured by Andrew’s own and he was consumed with the feeling of being seen. Andrew had admitted to wanting to learn more about him, not just physically but in ways that concerned the past Neil had tried so hard to keep hidden.
Tucking his hands into the pockets of his pants Neil allowed himself to be taken over by the feeling of the kiss. Always one to immediately be swept away by the feeling of Andrew’s lips on his own, whether chapped or not, his tongue tracing Neil’s gums, one hand anchoring Neil at the back of his neck and the other finding its perch on the lower of Neil’s back. It sent shivers down Neil’s spine and pushed all rational and logical thought from his brain. As if being knocked unconscious, kissing Andrew was a task in staying awake to memorise every moment, a task easier said than done when he just wanted to let the feeling of it wash over him and drown out everything in his mind until he was born anew.
Neil could kiss Andrew forever and that was a problem in and of itself. It was a different kind of high that he chased. He was an adrenaline junkie through and through.
Andrew placed a final peck to Neil’s lips, a softness betrayed in this one action that spoke of all the history between them, the past that lay stretched out behind them and the future that lay ahead of them too. It was a softness that spoke to all of the moments shared between them, telling of the regard in which Andrew held their nothing.
Pulling Neil out of the way Andrew shifted the helmet and sat himself down in the driver’s seat of the car. “Come on.” He gestured at Neil to hurry up, snapping the red haired man out of his daze. “We don’t have all day.”
“I’ll pay for another hour if we do that again.” Neil let his mouth move before he could filter his thoughts, watching Andrew for a reaction.
Ring clad fingers twitched, “I’ll think about it.”
That was good enough for Neil. Half jogging around the car Neil got into the seat beside Andrew. “So do you remember–”