Chapter Text
Carl Schurz Park, 1789
The first thing Alexander said to John in all the time they had spent walking to the park was “how is South Carolina?” They had been walking for some time, past the trees that were turning colors of orange and red that matched so well with Alexander’s hair. The streets were filled with carriages and gentlemen on horseback with their fine ladies behind them. John took notice of all this, relishing in the liveliness of it all. The last time he had been in New York, all he’d seen was death and destruction and all he had heard were screams and sounds of cannons and muskets firing. This was a nice change in scenery.
At Alexanders question, John turned to look at him abruptly, clenching his jaw. Alexanders eyebrows raised in an innocent expression, but John could tell by the twitch of his lips that he found it amusing. “How was-? Alexander, I hope you are sensible enough to realize that this is ridiculous ! Six years, and we have not seen each other o nce , and now you want me to work with you-? I cannot fathom how you think this is a sane decision, I am need in South Carolina, and you know this-”
“Why did you come then?”
Alexander fixed John with a dry look, but something in his eyes gave away he was hurt. Maybe it was the way his shoulders were slightly hunched, or the corner of his lips were pinched. Whatever it was, John knew this look. It was the one he used when he wanted to appear unaffected and cool, but John could always tell when Alexander was upset. The park was quiet, the occasional chirping of birds was the only thing breaking the silence. John was glad the park was empty; he didn't want anyone to see him with Alexander. It always seemed, when he was with him, that people knew . That they'd look at him for too long or cast a sideways glance at Alexander. It was ridiculous, John knew it, but the thought of someone finding out… it was too much.
“I-“ A sigh. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t have come, especially when I am needed in South Carolina. I’ve made changes there-“ Another sigh. John looked sharply at Alexander as he sighed for the second time, his lips turning down.
“Would you like to say something, Alexander?”
“Yes, in fact, I would.”
“Then say it, for God’s sake!”
Alexanders lips turned up in a little smirk, his eyes settling on John with a fond expression. “I see you still need to work on that temper of yours.” John looked down at Alexander, expecting to see him upset or angry, but Alexander was looking at him with soft blue eyes, and an even softer smile. All of the pent-up frustration left him, and Johns shoulders relaxed. “Alexander I was just-”
“I’ve missed you, Jack.”
Jack.
John had missed that name coming from Alexanders lips. His breath stuttered and he looked down at Alexander, feeling very helpless. “Alexander-” John ran a hand over his face, and shook his head, a dry laugh escaping him. “Alexander this is exactly why I haven't come; you cannot do this to me.” John sat down heavily on one of the park's benches that lined the park's walkway and pinched the bridge of his nose, avoiding the gaze of his past lover. He had thought- well, he had hoped that since getting a wife, Alexander would be cured of the illness. It made him sick when he realized otherwise.
“John- I am not- I apologize, I must have gotten wrapped up in the past… are you- are you spoken for?” Alexanders tone was reserved and polite, as if he were talking to a total stranger. Joh hated it. “No, no of course not. Martha she… she passed two winters ago.” Despite not loving his wife romantically, he had, at times, enjoyed her company. She was witty and fun, with dancing eyes and a quirky smile that could make anyone laugh. He truly did miss her. “I’m sorry, John.” John felt himself nodding and found the courage to look at Alexander once more.
“You are the one who is spoken for, Alexander. I will not have you forget.” Alexander had the grace to look a little guilty, and nodded, looking down at his hands. “Yes, but-” He seemed to think better of what he was going to say and bit his lip to keep quiet. “I am sorry, John. Forget I have said anything.”
The air was thick with tension and John had to look away from Alexander’s gaze. He cleared his throat.
“How is the dear General faring?” John asked with a hesitant smile on his lips, changing the subject swiftly. He knew General Washington must be very dissatisfied with his role as leader of the new country. Washington was reluctant to oversee the new nation because he argued there were more equipped men to lead, but of course, he was the first choice. Alexander let out a chuckle at his question and returned his smile, his eyes dancing with that lively humor that reminded John of his younger self. “That is President to you, Mr. Laurens. Do not tell a soul I told you this, but dear Washington is in a frenzy. That is why I recommended he contact you. Congress is worrying themselves over our- well, our lack of military, and Washington simply has too much on his plate. That is why I recommended you to be in charge of that particular department.”
John pursed his lips.
“That was the only reason?”
Damn it. He hadn't meant to bring this up again. Despite shutting down Alexanders subtle ways of flirting, John selfishly missed it. He missed Alexander. The past six years, John had thrown himself into his work and his cause to suppress the feeling of emptiness. The emptiness Alexander had once filled.
Alexander shifted uncomfortably. “Not the only one.” John looked over and was met with desperate blue eyes. “John, it is selfish but- letters are not enough. I need- I cannot simply ignore that you are not here.” Alexander reached out a hand and took John's hand in his. “It won't be the same as before, but just being with you is enough.”
No, it won't.
“Will it?” John looked over at Alexander, his throat tightening. His dear boy closed his eyes and took a breath. “It has to be.” John swallowed and nodded, squeezing Alexanders hand. “Then it will be. I have missed you.”
Alexander offered a strained smile, his eyes flickering over John’s face. “You are still so beautiful.”
“Alexander, you said-”
“Let me say it this once, please.” A hand cupped John’s face. “Let me kiss you one last time.”
The park was empty. No one would see.
John closed his eyes and nodded slightly, unable to get the words out. A thumb brushed his cheek. John felt Alexander’s lips on his, and it was like the piece of him that was missing finally snapped into place. The kiss was sweet and slow, a promise of love but also a goodbye.
John felt empty just as it ended.
“I’m sorry for calling you here.” Alexander sighed and ran a hand along his face, a tired look in his eyes. He must have felt the same way as John. “You do not have to stay, I will understand-”
“Alexander, I will stay, just not- not forever. I must get back to South Carolina, I have worked so hard and-”
He was cut off by Alexander embracing him. “Of course.” His words were muffled, as his face was buried in John’s shoulder. John laughed and tousled Alexanders hair, which eared his arm a slap in response. “Do you have anywhere to stay?” John blinked and looked down at Alexander, who was straightening his sleeves out.
“Well, not as of right now, but I intend to find somewhere. Why?” John raced an eyebrow at his friend, who rolled his eyes back at John. “Really? John, you can stay with m- us.” Bad idea. “I wouldn't want to intrude it would be very impolite-” Alexander turned and gave John a deadpan stare. “John, we lived together for years. Do not act like we are strangers; you do not get to do that. I would be happy for you to stay and see my family.”
Every fiber in Johns being was screaming at him to leave, and to run, but he found himself agreeing reluctantly. He just couldn't say no to Alexander. “Okay, okay I will stay with you all. You will need to introduce me to your fellow congressmen.” Alexander snorted and looked at John with humor in his eyes. “If you could even call them that.” John smiled and shook his head, all too familiar with his friend's antics. “You shall have to tell me all about it then.”
“I will, but first you must have dinner with us. I’m sure Eliza is cooking right now, she's excellent at it.”
They walked back to Alexanders house, the road lit by the streetlights and birds singing their final melodies before they were off to bed. John offered Alexander a tight smile. “I’m sure she is.”