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It's been two weeks since the war.
It’s been enough time for Vi's hands to look different, to look almost new. The usually present scattering of cuts and bruises were all gone, reinvigorated by the new purpose of physically caring for the woman she already cared so deeply for. She hadn’t thrown a punch since the battlefield, she no longer wrapped her hands. One day she would again, she knew that. She would always proudly fight for the good causes, defending and protecting. But that? That wasn’t now and that was the furthest thing on her mind.
Caitlyn.
Caitlyn was her priority right now and would be for as long as she lived.
Cait.
Cait had left the fight lucky to still be alive. She'd lost an eye and very nearly almost her life too, the blood that doctors had desperately pumped into her as they tried to stabilize her leaking right back out. Vi had watched on helplessly before being escorted out, kicking and screaming.
‘You have to save her! You have to--.’
‘Penetrating trauma to the abdomen; penetrating trauma to the left eye; fractured nose; multiple fractured ribs; multiple, multiple deep lacerations requiring suturing; and a sprained right ankle that nobody quite knows how you got…my, my. Caitlyn Kiramman, you certainly don't do things by half measures.’ Not to forget the mental trauma of almost being publicly executed by a former lover. Fucking Maddie.
Despite it all, Caitlyn had managed a small smile as Vi had, at Caitlyn's request, read her medical chart, giving her the full rundown of her injuries. ‘Go big then go home.’ She'd squeezed Vi's hand at that word - home.
They were making a home at the Kiramman residence, though for now Caitlyn was largely confined to her bed as she recovered. For the first week, Vi was mainly found there too, sat at her girl's bedside before, eventually and very carefully, cuddling up beside her. A lot had happened recently yet Caitlyn falling asleep with an arm tightly wrapped around Vi’s waist made Vi forget about everything. Watching Caitlyn sleep, watching the steady rising and falling of a battered yet still beautiful chest…one night it brought tears to Vi’s eyes, tears that wouldn't stop.
Of course, Caitlyn had stirred then. ‘Vi?’
‘Hey. Go back to sleep.’
A groan through gritted teeth.
Vi saw what was about to happen and put a stop to it, pinning Cait back down in the most gentlest of ways before she hurt herself even more. ‘Easy. Doc says you have to be careful. You can’t tear your stitches, okay?’
Relenting, her body relaxed under Vi’s touch. ‘Why are you…are you okay?’
‘I am.’
‘You’re crying.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Then you’re not okay. You were…’ she tailed off, unable to finish that line of thought.
Leaning in, Vi pressed a kiss to Caitlyn’s temple, unsure if she wanted to even hear what was about to be said. She had her suspicions, she was scared to get confirmation. ‘These are the happiest tears I have ever cried.’ And another kiss, lips lingering longer this time. ‘Because I still have you.’
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It took about a week for Caitlyn to become more mobile. She wasn’t leading another battle anytime soon but she was a lot steadier on her feet, able to walk longer distances without a crushing sensation of breathlessness. Making the short trip to the bathroom unassisted was such a small thing but a huge win.
The progress allowed Vi to feel okay about leaving her for longer periods of time and allowed her time to properly explore the Kiramman residence, something that Cait had encouraged her to do.
‘Help yourself to anything you want.’
Vi was sure the offer was more about food and drink but she couldn’t help but pick out one of Caitlyn’s t-shirts to wear, her muscles making the fit a little more snug that it would be on Caitlyn. It still fit and it smelt just like her…Vi was more than happy with it.
And even more happy to stumble upon the underwear drawer by chance, her mind running absolutely wild at the thought of Cait in everything.
You really are something, Cupcake.
Upon her travels around the house, she discovered her favorite spot was in the reading room, sat by a beautiful fireplace near an equally beautiful spiral staircase. It was so quiet here, something that Vi liked. She could finally appreciate the silence as the ringing in her ears from the war and everything over the years had finally started to subside. Each night, so far, she'd pour herself a small amount of Scotch and make a toast.
‘For you, sis.’
Maybe it would come fully crashing down on her one morning or maybe it'd suddenly suffocate her one night. For now, though, she was coping.
‘I miss you,’ she sighed.
Coping as best as she could, that was. She was proud of herself for not allowing it to cripple her. Grief was complicated. Those supposed five stages of it made things sound so easy, so formulaic. It wasn’t like that for her and that, she was learning, was okay. She couldn’t change what had happened, she couldn’t bring her sister back. What she could do, and what she had decided, was to carry on, opting to listen to her sister and allow herself to be happy.
She found happiness like no other with Caitlyn. Even under these circumstances, Vi had found joy. Changing dressings, managing medications, brushing Cait’s hair because she just couldn’t manage it herself…Vi enjoyed that, and Cait did too.
‘God, Cait. How much hair do you have?’
‘You want me to cut it all off?’
‘I never said that. I just didn’t expect to be inhaling a damn hairball from you.’
Little moments like that. They made life worth living, and Vi stood on the precipice of unlimited moments like that. Early days, yeah yeah whatever…she knew Caitlyn. The road to here hadn’t exactly been easy but it had been worth it. She knew that they’d made it this far because of that, because what they had was worth pushing through for.
‘I hope I make you proud.’
She placed the glass down before pushing herself up, plodding barefoot to perhaps her least favorite part of the house. The Kiramman Kitchen, the most absolutely insane kitchen she had ever seen. Don’t get it twisted, Vi could cook. Vi would consider herself a damn fine cook but here…here she just didn’t know where to begin what with all the different high tech appliances and a pantry stocked with every ingredient from every cuisine to ever exist. She paced, considering both her options and also why someone could ever need so many different types of spoons before deciding, once again, to go straight to the source and ask Caitlyn what exactly she wanted.
And Vi would find her stood at the bathroom sink, white knuckles gripping the marble bowl as she stared at the mirror.
Vi’s stomach dropped.
Standing in the doorway, she kept her voice low to not startle but she knew the solider a metre or so away had already clocked her arrival. ‘Hey, you hungry? I was going to make some dinner but I thought I’d better ask you first.’
The question was ignored.
‘It’s okay if you’re not right now. I can wait a little. Even if it’s something small, it’s better to have something.’
Silence.
Vi took a hesitant step forward.
‘I was thinking maybe soup or--.’
‘Violet.’
That didn’t come out very often. Usually when it did, it was tinged with a fondness that made Vi’s heart swell despite her preference for just Vi. ‘Caitlyn?’
Caitlyn’s gaze didn’t shift. ‘Do you still like me?’
And there it was. ‘Sorry?
‘Do you?’
‘What?’
‘Do you still like me, Violet?’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’ Though Vi knew why.
‘Because I’m not--,’ Cait’s voice caught. ‘Her. I’m not her anymore.’
‘Who is her?’ It was something about Cait’s reaction that night she caught Vi crying. It didn’t seem right, and it made Vi worry that maybe…maybe this might happen. ‘Who are you talking about, Cait?’
‘Me! I’m not the same as when we first met. I’m different now.’
‘Caitlyn.’
‘No, Vi. Look at me. I’m not the same!’
Vi closed the distance, slipping arms around Cait’s slender waist. She pushed herself onto her tippytoes, looking at the same reflection over Cait’s shoulder. ‘Okay, I’m looking and I’m seeing the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever met.’
‘Don’t lie to me.’
‘I’m not. You are beautiful.’
‘Not hideous?’
Hideous. That word cut deeper than any knife. ‘Not even remotely.’
‘So you weren’t…crying about--.’
‘No. I swear that’s the truth. I promise you.’ The assurance prompted a tense body to ease against hers. ‘I told you. They were good tears. I just got overwhelmed with how happy I was to be there. With you. I still like you. I really, really like you.’
‘But my eye, Vi.’
‘Hey, that rhymes.’
‘Violet.’
‘Your eye?’ Vi met it in the mirror. ‘Gorgeous.’ A gentle squeeze. ‘I don’t know how I ever got so lucky. Truly. So lucky.’ A trail of soft kisses down the neck. ‘You. Are. A. Dream. An unrealistic dream, really, because, hey, look at me.’
Caitlyn shook her head. ‘Vi. No. You are beautiful.
‘And. So. Are. You.’ More kisses, Vi could kiss this woman forever and ever and not get tired of it. ‘It's probably just the bandages.’
‘What is?’
‘You aren’t used to seeing them. You’re looking in the mirror and you’re seeing them more than you’re seeing yourself. But Caitlyn…I’ve seen what's underneath and it’s still that same beautiful face.’ Perhaps even more beautiful now, given the bravery and selflessness her new scars represented.
Caitlyn Kiramman was an incredible woman.
Vi couldn’t believe Caitlyn Kiramman was hers.
‘Your hands.’
‘What about them?’
‘I never thought your bandages were ugly.’
Ugly. Another word Vi fucking hated hearing with any sort of reference to Cait. ‘That’s because you were used to seeing them. You never thought much about them. They were always there. And look.’ She held out a hand, healed scars visible even in the dim light. ‘They look pretty damn good, don’t you think?’’
‘They are pretty…pretty fucking amazing.’
Vi grinned. ‘Just you wait. They are going to show you so many amazing things.’ The mischievous grin softened. ‘Starting with you.’ She broke the hold, came round to Caitlyn’s front. ‘Can I show you you? So you can see what I’ve been seeing?’
It was a big ask, a big step in the healing process. Caitlyn hadn’t seen what was underneath yet, and Vi knew that she had been reluctant to do so. Yet she gave a small nod. ‘I’d prefer it with just you, actually.’
Trust. Vi would never take that trust for granted.
‘I’m scared.’
‘That’s okay.’
‘Are you sure it’s…’
‘Cait. I’ve seen. I know.’
Another nod, a little more sure.
‘But can we, uh…can we do this sitting down? Some people have ridiculously tall girlfriends and can’t properly reach them when they're standing.’
That made Caitlyn laugh. ‘Yes.’
One hand took a small mirror, the other led Cait back through to the bedroom. Cait slipped under the luxurious duvet while Vi crawled on top of it beside her. She set about unwrapping the bandages which, at this point, were still being worn due to those lingering anxieties - her doctor had recommended removing them but understood the cosmetic concerns. ‘My beautiful girl.’ Once more, as Vi often did with this woman, she found herself overwhelmed with feeling, once more eyes starting to sting. Her hero. ‘You’re fucking stunning.’
‘Really?’
Vi nodded. ‘Absolutely.’ She offered the mirror. ‘Look.’
It took a few seconds for a shaky hand to accept it, then a few seconds more for it to raise it.
Adjusting her position ever so slightly, Vi’s eyes sweeped every inch, watching, studying, waiting.
‘It…it doesn’t look terrible.’
From what she’d seen, Vi knew that Cait was actually pleasantly surprised by the reveal. ‘See? Told you.’ She scooted closer. ‘Looks pretty fucking badass too. Nobody is ever going to fuck with Commander Kiramman again.’
Smiling, Caitlyn rested her head on Vi’s shoulder. ‘Thank you. For this…for everything you’ve done recently…for everything. I know I’m not…the easiest person.’
‘Just as well you’re the best person. Kinda makes up for it, makes it worthwhile.’
A laugh. ‘Shut up.’
‘For you? I will.’
‘Viiiii.’
Vi loved this, their little moments together, this silly side of an otherwise stoic warrior, this…everything. Vi…Vi loved this woman. A lot. She’d known that for a long time. It scared her because it automatically put Caitlyn at an elevated level of risk - Vi didn’t exactly have a great track record with keeping loved ones.
Maybe Caitlyn Kiramman was different after all.
Because maybe Caitlyn Kiramman would be the one she wouldn't lose.
‘Vi?’
Gesturing towards her sealed lips, Vi shook her head. You told me to shut up!
‘Permission granted, you may speak.’
‘Okay good because I was just following--.’
Once more, she was silenced. By Cait, who swooped in and kissed her.
A breathless Vi met her eye. ‘I…yes, yes ma’am. I won’t--.’
And again.
‘--shut up, I like--.’
And again before Caitlyn stopped, and rested her forehead against Vi’s. ‘I was right, you know.’
‘About?’
‘You. You really do have a good heart.’
Vi remembered. It felt like a million years ago but she’d never forgotten that. There were days where she’d cling to it, hearing it over and over in her head. Once more, she took Caitlyn’s hand and, this time, guided it to her chest. ‘That heart is yours now, Cupcake.’