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David woke up reaching for warmth that wasn't there. For Barry who spent less and less time with David as their marriage went on. He groaned and buried his head in his pillow. Falling in love with Barry Allen has been the easiest thing he ever did. And the hardest thing was accepting that he didn't get to keep him.
He'd never been the type to inspire a great love. He was a little too grumpy, a little too suspicious, most people didn't want a gruff cop with high blood pressure and a short temper. Before Barry he'd come the closest with Rob, but they still were never on the same page. And now it looked like history would repeat.
David groaned and was lulled back to sleep with thoughts of Barry's bright, laughing smile instead of the increasingly sullen silences he was getting used to. He wished he was still in Vegas. Everything bright and new with no concern for the future.
David woke up an hour later and got up and ready for his day. After a long shower, he managed not to dwell on his sour feelings. He knew he'd been short tempered at work and he didn't actually want to take his heartbreak out on his staff.
David found himself spending more time in his office at work. He was trying not to be obvious about the fact that he was avoiding the upstairs lab. It didn't work and he knew it, but he also knew it would take a very brave, foolhardy officer to mention it to him.
He occasionally surveyed the bullpen, Barry and Joe weren't subtle about whatever it was they were doing at star labs. David tried not to think about the secrets Barry was keeping from lest he obsess over what they could be. If Barry wanted him to know, Barry would tell him. It just was another blow, the knowledge that even if it was his health, Barry didn't trust David.
David's day passed with no major disturbances, the never ending paperwork was his main focus for the day. He kept his door open and kept an eye on the bullpen, no need in letting anyone get soft.
He looked up, startled at a sudden burst of laughter coming from the bullpen. Joe was clearly teasing Barry about something. The CSI, ducking to hide his blush as he joined in the laughter.
His heart ached for a moment as he stared at the mirth on Barry's face. He shook his head and tried to focus back on his work. After a few moments, he looked up again and caught Iris’ eyes and they shared a soft smile. She poked her into his office and rolled her eyes at the commotion.
“Do you have time for coffee?”
“So long as you don't ask me about open investigation,” he smiled, thinking of the commotion caused by Snart and Rory escaping police custody, “I have all the time in the world.”
“I'll do my best,” she smiled.
They walked to Jitters, not noticing Barry stopping his conversation with Joe to stare at their retreating figures for a few moments. Nor did they see Joe sighing as he swung his arm around Barry and grumbled, “you haven't talked to him yet?”
They hadn't made much of their wedding anniversary, things had still been so tense that it was a little awkward at times. They'd gone to dinner and Barry spent the night at David's. But the cold between them had put a damper on the whole thing. But the fact that they celebrated it together, with Barry not spending half his time on the phone with star labs, gave David a glimmer of hope.
It was the anniversary of Barry's coma that started the thaw of the chill between them. There had been moments where it felt like Barry wanted to talk about something but it never got far. Usually something came up to distract one of them away from the conversation.
Barry, to David's surprise, was sitting in his living room, David tossed his jacket on the dining room table and came to sit next to Barry. “I wasn't expecting you.”
Barry sighed softly, “I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want to be at star labs or Joe's, so I figured I miss my husband and figured he might not want to be alone either.”
David smiled, his heartbeat picked up as he leaned over and kissed Barry. David's thoughts flew from his head as Barry grabbed at his shoulders and pulled David closer. A little voice in the back of his head told him to slow down, to talk to Barry, but like in Vegas, even though he was sober this time, he ignored that voice and focused on Barry as the younger man pushed him back on the sofa.
The next morning, David was surprised that Barry was still in bed with him. He propped himself up on his elbow and took in the sight of Barry in the golden morning glow. At Max's nudging David got up threw some clothes on to get up and let the dog out to the backyard. David started on breakfast and was brewing coffee when he heard Barry get up about fifteen minutes later.
David plated up food for the both of and and went to let Max back in. Once he turned back to the kitchen, Barry was standing in the sun and David's breath caught in his throat. This was going to hurt.
Barry smiled at him and he came over and wrapped his arms around David's neck. Before kissing him, Barry whispered, “Good morning.”
“Morning.”
They ate together, at first they lapsed into silence as they ate. It wasn't tense, but it was awkward and so Barry started talking nervously about some exhibit at the planetarium he was hoping to attend next month when it opened. David couldn't stop the wave of fondness that washed over him.
At one point his eyes caught Barry's and the younger man stumbled over his words as David smiled at him. He tried to ignore the hope that flared in his chest as Barry turned an adorable dull red. Thankfully for David Max barked to be let back in before he could do something foolish. Something like telling Barry he loved him or picking a fight about why Barry was here now of all times.
David took his time letting the dog in, he stood outside for several long minutes as he reminded himself that he and Barry had to actually talk.
Barry meanwhile was having a similar conversation with himself. He came over last night with the hopes of having a conversation with David about their marriage and how they can fix this space between them. But at David's easy smile, when David kissed him, everything but need and want left his head.
It had felt so easy, last night, as they made out on the couch, as David led Barry to their bedroom. As they made a slow and gentle love for the first time in too long. Barry's mastery of his skills made it so he wouldn't react as obviously when overwhelmed.
But now, in the bright sunlight of the morning, Barry didn't know how to start, where to start. So he was going to follow David's lead. Which he knew was not his best idea, but he didn't know what else to do.
David didn't say anything as Barry cleaned up their dishes. He didn't say anything about Barry helping him with the yard work or the trip to the hardware store. David just smiled a small smile and let Barry talk about whatever popped into his head. By the time they stopped for lunch after going to the pharmacy, David was pretty sure this was the longest time they'd spent together outside of work or sleep since Barry's coma ended.
David had no idea what caused it, but he wasn't going to do anything to stop it. Having Barry's attention was as intoxicating as ever. And if it ended tomorrow if Barry went back to avoiding David, to keeping things from David then David would deal with that hangover. He'd curse himself a fool and maybe accept what his fate was.
But until then, he'd try to enjoy it as best he could.
There was public garden a few miles from David's neighborhood, he liked to walk Max there. The dog always enjoyed the car ride and there was plenty of soft grass for him to lay in. When they first got married, Barry and David started walking there together for sunset without Max. Or was one of David's favorite places a spot in the city that felt hidden from the rest of the world. With an aching heart David found himself pulling into the parking lot. He couldn't bear to look at the bright smile on Barry's face.
This late in the year the sun set early and so the hints of golden sun were breaking through the treetops as they walked towards the holiday themed gardens. As they walked they drifted closer to each other, David tried to keep space between. Knowing they had to talk and falling back into their relationship without addressing the problems between them wouldn't help. And he didn't have the heart for it. If Barry pulled away again, David didn't know what he'd do.
David pulled away and stopped walking when Barry tried to take his hand. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and softly, slowly said, “Barry what are you doing?”
“Trying to hold your hand,” Barry said as if that was the question. This might be their problem. They can't just talk.
“No Barry,” David said trying to be gentle, “this, yesterday, today, you've been avoiding me for months, what changed?”
“I don't know, I missed you,” Barry said, rubbing his neck. David could see his sincerity, but it didn't help to clarify.
“I've been here the whole time Barry, waiting for you to see me.”
“You been distant too, David,” Barry was defensive but David could see he was trying too.
David sighed, “I've been giving you space for you to process whatever it is you're keeping from me.”
“David…” Barry started and trailed off, the way he usually did when David said something that he didn't like, true or not.
“I get it Barry, I don't know if it's just your jealousy issues or something lingering from the coma you don't want to talk about, but I can't keep doing this.”
“Doing what, our marriage,” Barry asked, his own thoughts racing.
“You pushing me away,” David said “I can't take it anymore.”
“What do you mean David,” Barry said asked barely audible.
“You need to figure out what you want Barry,” David said, rubbing his hand over his face, "I can't be in limbo.”
“I need to figure out what I want, I want you David,” Barry said firmly.
“And yet you can't spend five minutes near Eddie Thawne without the whole precinct knowing how jealous you are.”
Barry's eyes widened at David's sharp, hurt tone. His mind too defensive to not respond. But he felt his heart sink, did it even matter. Steeling himself for the response, he said, “then why are you waiting, if it's so terrible being married to me?”
“I didn't say that,” David insisted, “but it does hurt.”
“Then why wait,” Barry asked again, they were in public so they were both trying to get their voices down, but the emotions were palpable.
“Wait for what?” David asked genuinely confused. He took a few deep breaths and watched as Barry did the same.
Barry sighed, hating thay Joe had been right, in a tight voice, trying to keep sadness out of his tone, “I know about the divorce papers David, what I don't know is why you haven't served them.”
David's eyes widened, and his brow furrowed. It took him longer than it should to remember. “Oh fuck.”
Barry snorted at David's inelegant response, seeing David this upset made his heart ache, but he liked seeing David lose his composure. David sank on to a the bench they'd stopped by, head in hands, Barry crossed his arms defensively.
David's thumbs pressed against his temples, “I forgot about those.”
Barry scoffed, and his look said everything.
“I never mean for you to know about them, not after your coma,” David said.
“But before my coma you did?”
“No.”
“Then why get them?”
“Because, I was mad Barry,” David said softly, voice rising a little with emotion as he continued, “I was mad, and I was hurt and I figured it was only a matter of time.”
“You don't trust me”
“You're keeping things from me Barry, and you don't want me to help carry your burden,” David said, “it's not about me not trusting you.”
“You think I don't trust you?” Barry asked, “I do.”
“And yet,” David said gesturing to nothing in particular.
“Yeah, okay, it's been rough few months.”
“That's why I'm giving you space, Barry.”
“I know, I just don't see why you have them if you don't intend to divorce me,” Barry asked confused and David couldn't blame him. It was an unnecessarily complicated thing.
“Because I wanted to be reminded of what I had to lose, what I could… will lose,” David muttered feeling flayed open and vulnerable in a way he hated.
“Will lose,” Barry repeated, growing anxious at the thought, “I'm not going any where?”
It sounded like a question and not a statement, David huffed almost amused, “it's only a matter of time, Barry.”
“That's not true,” Barry protested, heart squeezing at the look on David's face. He'd never seen the man resigned to anything. He wanted this marriage, he wanted David. But he could see how his actions might not show that.
“Please,” David huffed, “I've always known you loved another, Barry, it just didn't seem to matter that you don't love me as much as I love you. But it does.”
Barry's world froze and he felt his heart fall to his feet. He couldn't enjoy the confirmation of David's feelings not without the pain of knowing his husband always thought he'd leave him. And Barry knew his actions helped exacerbate this. He was jealous of Eddie. He took a deep breath and knelt in front of David.
Barry crowded in the older man's space and took David hands in his. “I love you too David, I do I promise.”
David couldn't look away from Barry's impossibly bright eyes, he opened and then closed his mouth. He was at a loss.
Barry reached up and cupped David jaw with his right hand, “I do, i know I've been keeping things from you and yes, I am jealous of Eddie, but that doesn't change how much I want you or want my life with you. I'm choosing you David.”
David decided to trust the sincerity in Barry's expression. He took their joined hands and pulled Barry up, close enough to kiss. He softly kiss Barry, and then the younger man sat next to him. They spent the next hour talking, finally talking about Barry's jealousy of Eddie, his complicated feelings for Iris. David's own past. Things weren't fixed, but the airing of their feelings helped and now the door was opened, there was no going back. They reaffirmed their commit to each other and making this work.
David smiled, feeling a little raw, “let's go home, what do you say to lighting a fire and burning those papers.”
“That sounds amazing,” Barry smiled. Joe had been right, better communication was what they needed. They had a ways to go, but this was a start.
David wrapped an arm around Barry's waist and they walked back to the car. The ride was silent. They'd both needed some time to process. But they held hands the whole way.
Max was please when they got home and curled up next to the fireplace as Barry lit the fire while David made dinner. As David was bringkng the food to the coffee table, Barry slipped into his office and grabbed the offending envelope.
David was puring some red wine as Barry came back. Barry grinned holding up up the divorce papers, “I can I?”
“By all means,” David gestured towards the fireplace. Without much ceremony, Barry tossed the envelope on the fire. He stood there as it started burning and felt relief and hope in equal measure. Once he was sure it was on fire, he turned to sit next to David who was smiling softly at him.
Before eating, David took the moment to text Mark, ‘you were right. I was wrong.’
The reply was quick and David laughed as he read, ‘of course I was, but ?????’
David put his phone away and at Barry inquisitive expression, “Mark, he thought I was being an idiot a year ago.”
“We both have had our share of that,” Barry admitted. He felt lighter. And he could see the change in David too. Now he just needed to figure out what to do about his super powers.