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Third night from their stay at Felser, and the Gold Saints were on the brink of returning to Sanctuary. With El Cid’s hunting during the day, their return was well supplied and prompt. El Cid directed their current path through a mountain forest, shortening their journey by half. If they pressed onward into the second night, they could have returned to Sanctuary before sunrise. If El Cid had it his way.
Until Sisyphus gently smiled. He caught El Cid mid-step, before he wobbled off the path.
“El Cid.”
“Hmm?”
“Please rest.”
As though that were the bed he needed, El Cid laid on his side at once. He didn’t stir for hours, until past midday. They crossed the critical juncture within the mountains, and they could taste the familiar chill of Sanctuary again. Zodiac Temples were visible from their timber vantage point. El Cid frowned.
“How do you fare?”
“Fair, but I’d like to rest.”
So it was that Sisyphus had the night watch two nights in a row. Ordeals that had not bothered him as much as the war within his mind every step. The war that waged as he sat by the fire that third night, gazing at the slumbering El Cid.
Marriage. A peaceful life.
He didn’t fault El Cid for his choice. From his own impulses, he stated the same. It was what they gave their lives for others to enjoy. Not one for a Saint, much less a Gold Saint before the coming war. Honor bound, promise bound, duty bound. Thus the Saint within him burned.
Opposing was the side of him that rarely spoke. His heart. When he had also declined Felser’s offer in private, how cold and shattering it felt for him. Strange. He would’ve never given it a second thought before. Perhaps he would have been like El Cid, undaunted. Unaffected. But then…
What else could he have said?
Sisyphus sighed. Yes, he could accept reality. It was the war with the truths within him. To speak of them, that would be a betrayal. That couldn’t be permitted. They needed to be contained within his heart. And yet, close to dawn, there remained a voice.
A voice that refused to be silent.
His gaze drifted from the fire next to him, to the moonlight shining to his left.
“Where… where would that place be? Perhaps near honey or sweet orchards, so that you don’t have to settle for adequate servings. Someplace quiet, so that the crunching of leaves or the creaking of wood won’t incite your defenses. Such sharp instincts you have.“
Sisyphus smiled, shutting his eyes.
“Somewhere where the four seasons occur, so that you could feel at ease in the winter. If it’s snowing, we could curl up to a fire and share stories again. Where I could enjoy your company and radiance in autumn, summer, spring. I don’t know if I could ever tire of you.”
Budding warmth from his heart invited his hand to his chest.
“A place where we could help others, too. How about taking in orphans? We’re orphans ourselves, and I’ve heard from Aldebaran that it’s an endlessly rewarding experience. We could teach them, protect them if they need it. We could foster the future with our own hands, in a different way. Maybe we could…”
Owls hooted and screeched from above. Reality shot his throat cold. He groaned. What was he trying to say? Brother enjoyed that life through choice circumstances, ones that did not apply to them. Besides, El Cid said his answer to Felser about that. It would… it would be selfish to assume—
From his right, a sharp voice sliced the night.
“Continue.”
Blue darted open. Steel blue pierced back. Sisyphus stammered, his face burning.
“W-When did you—?”
“Perhaps near honey.”
He chuckled, his fist planted against his forehead.
“Of course. It’s a favorite of yours.”
El Cid grunted. He heard El Cid roll from his bedding. Warmth circling around his shoulders and back, light around his wounded shoulder. Strong arms loosely joined at his waist. Long legs framed his own. Tension from the day melted between them. When he lowered his hand, he tugged on the blanket around them. His head landed softly against El Cid’s pale cheek.
“I’m sorry, El Cid. You need your sleep.”
Warmth nuzzled back. Lips and breath fluffed his hair, a gentle whisper brushing his ear.
“I want to hear the rest.”
“El Cid…”
“Before sunrise.”
Left unsaid but clear. Before they had to be Gold Saints again.
Yet his chest sparkled, uplifted. That’s right. Before they had to be Gold Saints again, before they had to return, they were here. They were in each other’s arms. No shaming found within that private gap. Only within himself, when he faltered with doubt. That wasn’t what El Cid offered him just now.
That wasn’t what… either of them wanted at that moment.
Sisyphus nuzzled back. Joy hopped onto the branch that started between them.
“All right. If I may make a request.”
“Hmm?”
His smile deepened. Warmth filled the night with the words from his heart.
“I’d like to hear your wishes too.”
Eyebrows shot up, sharp jaw dropped open. El Cid froze. Steel blue darted to and fro, slicing thoughts. A shame. From his angle, colors of the fire blanketed his partner’s face. He wondered if there was a blush from the slight quiver he heard.
“...Children are suitable for you. They fear me.”
“Oh? Aldebaran told me you were a favorite of his disciples when you looked after them. They told him how kind you were.”
“...He exaggerates.”
“Regulus enjoys your company too. He’s been asking if you could stay over again.”
El Cid grunted.
“...We would require a place for animals as well.”
“Ah, that’s true. Not only for food, but perhaps for teaching life lessons too. Maybe we could learn a trade with herding animals.”
“Mmm…”
Sisyphus chuckled. That dull hum suggested anything but agreement.
“What would you like instead, El Cid?”
Warmth cupped his cheek, rough fingers threading through his bangs. He sucked in his breath when El Cid’s thumb brushed against his lips. Steel glint softened as they locked eyes. Wood from the fire popped before he spoke.
“They must be horses. We would require them for transferring supplies of significant size. If we were to live far from the city, our family could not thrive without them. Should there be a disaster, the children would need them to flee to safety.”
“Oh, you’re right. But-but I hope it doesn’t come to that.”
Wait. Did he say…?
Sisyphus pursed his lips. His heart pounded in his throat. His other hand was lightly gripped.
“In the event there are no children and no home for us, I want to ride with you anywhere. Anywhere with you and the winds. You and I. That is what I wish to share with you.”
“El Cid…”
He cupped his palm over strong knuckles. He tightened his hold on El Cid’s hand. Such zeal...
“I’m-I’m surprised to hear that from you.”
Oh, why did he blurt that like a fool? That wasn’t anywhere close to the proud reply he wanted to present. Yet through the blazing of his own face and neck, he spied darkened cheeks piercing through the fire’s glow next to him, too. He… They weren't alone.
“...Father stated that long ago.”
“Then he was the romantic one of your parents?”
Nudge to his back.
“...And?”
Comments about their family to… riding anywhere with him. Freedom. Watched by the stars and their goddess with hope. Sisyphus grinned.
“Yes, I’d love to do that with you. Someday.”
They smiled.
Now that image made him curious. Horseback riding wasn’t a skill taught to Saints in Sanctuary. It wasn’t needed when they relied upon their own bodies and cosmo to fight. He had experience in the past while he was searching for Sasha’s whereabouts. El Cid’s homeland was not friendly for horses, as far as he was aware.
“Do you know how to ride a horse?”
El Cid tensed against him.
“...It can be taught.”
Sisyphus chuckled, his voice soft.
“True. And I’ll be there to catch you whenever you’re thrown off your saddle.”
He was rewarded with a quiet chuckle. They met their foreheads together. Ah, no golden horns to rest against. They cooled his head in the most gentle way.
Pull a thread, and they wouldn’t stop. Sisyphus wondered about the abandoned children who were infants. El Cid offered his parents’ names to continue their legacy. He was dumbstruck when El Cid asked him if he wanted to bring along Regulus. Of course, if it were possible. El Cid wanted to be his guide to the East. Really? That would be wonderful. Back and forth, one topic to the next. Fantasies upon fantasies.
Most of all, Sisyphus wouldn’t have ever imagined having that conversation with El Cid. That El Cid would’ve entertained a future they couldn’t have as Saints. He half-expected to have been dismissed or derided for doing so. It was… pleasant. Like he was safe to be himself. To not have to dream alone.
Among embers they chatted. Night went to sleep before they did, the first hints of dawn shuffled in above them. Owls took flight when the whites of dawn kissed their cheeks. El Cid lowered his eyes—just for a blink, his bottom lip curled. Remorse darkened his face for a flicker. Sisyphus smiled, softly pressed his fingers to his partner’s upper lip. Warmth brushed gently against his fingertips. He whispered.
“Shh, please.”
He guided El Cid to lay back to the earth, giving him the blanket. Sisyphus stretched his arms and back, facing the horizon towards Sanctuary.
“Thanks to you and your knowledge of this path, Sanctuary is close. Two hours by foot, I estimate. There’s no immediate danger if we could talk without being disturbed.”
Couldn’t stifle the yawn that time. It slipped past before he could finish. He rolled his shoulders as the sun rose higher, a habit from his cadet days. He smiled at El Cid.
“I interrupted your sleep, and I need rest too. I’d like to sleep next to you. May we stay here until midday?”
“Sisyphus…”
Below him, steel blue darted again between thoughts. His fingers curled against the blanket. When he nodded, Sisyphus gently settled next to him. Muffled next to him as the blanket shielded their heads, El Cid whispered.
“Thank you…”
His heart warmed. Sisyphus caressed the strong shoulder next to him.
“Ah, forgive me. I nearly forgot.”
His fingers cradled that strong chin.
“Good morning, El Cid.”
Kissing his lover with those words, Sisyphus moaned as he was kissed back. When he gently pulled away, breathing in that sweet scent of him, El Cid curled his fingers around his hand. Quiet good morning greetings were uttered in return. Their breathing slowed.
As he watched El Cid sleep again, he sighed. El Cid often spoke that he would protect him, as a sword. Gradually, day by day, it felt like he was seeing more of him. After their stay with Felser, something… something was different between them. He welcomed them, those blessings before dawn. In his heart, he swore again.
To protect El Cid, and the radiance that was not a sword.