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我的心已离去，我迷失了。
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The sun glowed pale yellow in a cloudy sky as tiny droplets of rain began pattering down, sprinkling the grass below with warm water.
The setting was supposed to be perfect. Bi’an had planned it all down to the most minute details; the picnic blanket, the sunny meadow, the tree he was currently seated under for what meager protection from the rain it offered.
In hindsight, he should’ve brought an umbrella, but it was far too late for that now. He didn"t mind the weather himself, but he knew Wujiu wasn’t fond of the rain.
Bi’an estimated the time to be just past noon by the position of the sun in the sky. It was an unusual talent, one Wujiu had marveled at when he first found out.
“So you know what time it is? Like, right now?” Wujiu had leaned in close, staring with skeptical eyes as Bi’an sighed heavily.
“Well, not right now. I have to see the sun, silly. That’s kind of the point.”
Wujiu crossed his arms, looking more impressed than skeptical. They were sitting together in a grand library, arches on the walls seeming to ascend to the very heavens before finally converging at the domed ceiling.
Bi’an always loved to read at that library. That was the first day he’d invited Wujiu to come with him.
“Let’s go outside, then. I want to know what time it is.” Wujiu demanded, very conspicuously hiding his wrist behind his back.
“... Wujiu, you have a wristwatch on.”
Wujiu’s eyes glinted mischievously.
“What are you talking about? See? No wristwatch.” Wujiu wiggled his other hand’s fingers at Bi’an’s face, and Bi’an sighed deeply.
“Fine, then. If you insist.” Bi’an clasped Wujiu’s hand in his own as they walked out the large double doors together, feeling heat rise to his face when Wujiu didn"t hurriedly pull his hand back.
In hindsight, Bi’an knew at that moment that he’d fallen in love.
As they stepped outside together, oppressive sunlight beat down on both of them. The harsh glare made them both squint, before they both started chuckling at how absurd the other looked squinting. The dimly lit library was a stark contrast to the blinding light of the outside air, and Wujiu only laughed more uproariously when Bi’an stubbornly tried to stare directly at the sun to pinpoint its position.
“It’s… I wanna say ten o’clock? No, ten thirty. Unless I’m mixing up my directions.” Bi’an knew he was not mixing up his directions. He just wanted to see if Wujiu would try and convince him he was.
“... Ten thirty-two. Wow. That’s actually impressive.” Wujiu was staring down at his watch, eyes blown out in genuine amazement. Bi’an giggled, a peculiarly small sound coming from the stoic man.
“I did tell you, didn"t I?”
“You did. Lesson learned. Bi’an is always right.”
It was twelve in the meadow, and Bi’an was starting to resent how sure he was of that fact.
Regardless, Wujiu had said he’d be here by noon. Perhaps, Bi’an thought mournfully, the rain had dissuaded him from being where they’d agreed to meet today.
For their date.
They were going on a date.
Or, at least, they were supposed to be going on a date. There wouldn"t be any date at all if Wujiu decided to cancel it.
Bi’an’s heart twisted at that thought, before immediately racing at the sight of a dark gray umbrella slowly making its way through the meadow towards him.
He sprinted towards the figure and wrapped him in a hug before Wujiu could even respond to his presence.
“Wujiu! I thought you weren’t going to—” Bi’an was abruptly cut off by Wujiu capturing his lips in a fierce kiss. Bi’an’s head spun with giddy excitement, as if it was the first time he’d been kissed, or the first time he’d felt joy at all.
When Wujiu finally pulled back, still nose-to-nose in Bi’an’s arms, he smiled fondly.
“What’s that look for?” Wujiu teased, pressing his forehead to Bi’an’s. Bi’an swore he could feel his face flaming a shade of deep red.
“Nothing, you’re just… not usually this passionate.” Bi’an admitted, a bit tentatively. Wujiu smiled.
“Well, I’m not usually in a secluded meadow with the man I love, am I?”
Bi’an glanced around at the grassy field, devoid of so much as a single soul to gaze upon them and comment on how disgraceful it is for two men to be involved.
“You are now. Kiss me again.” Bi’an demanded. Wujiu happily obliged him, their lips locking until Bi’an pulled back to gasp for breath, giggling.
“What’s so funny?” Wujiu tilted his head. His dark hair was quickly becoming shiny with rainwater.
“... You dropped your umbrella.”
Wujiu blinked, perhaps finally noticing they were just standing in the rain.
“Oh. That I did.” He extricated himself from Bi’an’s arms and picked up the umbrella, holding it over both of their heads as Bi’an wrapped an arm around his waist.
“Oh, Wujiu, you indulge me.” Bi’an said fondly, leaning his head on Wujiu’s shoulder as they walked back towards the blanket Bi’an had laid out. Wujiu was only marginally taller between the two of them, but Bi’an decided he didn"t care. If anything, it meant his body slotted perfectly next to his lover’s, like two distorted puzzle pieces that somehow fit with each other.
The world would say their love was unacceptable, an illness, a disease. The world would call them brothers, and that was okay. Bi’an needed no confirmation to the contrary except this moment, right here, right now.
“And I always will. You need only say it. Your wish is my command.” Wujiu pressed another chaste kiss to the top of Bi’an’s head, perhaps making up for thousands of lost moments where they yearned for each other, stopped only by the prying gazes of others.
“You promise?” Bi’an teased, only to be met with Wujiu’s serious gaze.
“I promise. I am yours and yours only, in every way.”
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我的心已离去，我迷失了。
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你什么时候回家，我的知己？
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That was so long ago, now.
Bi’an still remembered the rainy day in the meadow, when Wujiu had made that promise to him.
“You need only say it. Your wish is my command.”
“I promise.”
The rain was still beating down from the sky, drenching Bi’an in frigid water as his umbrella hung limply by his side.
He’d told Wujiu to wait under the bridge.
The bridge would’ve sheltered him from the rain. He knew Wujiu wasn’t fond of his hair getting wet. That’s why.
That’s why.
The bridge was hardly visible beneath the torrential flood that swept through it. Bi’an saw no body, smelled no blood, but he knew as surely as he knew his own name that Wujiu was gone. The air was not warm with his laughter, the sky was not brightened with his eternal smile.
He was gone.
Bi’an collapsed to the ground, the umbrella beside him silently forgotten. The umbrella he’d gone back to get. The umbrella Wujiu had been waiting for.
It glared at him with an eyeless accusatory stare, as if it was saying without words that Bi’an had killed his lover.
“Please forgive me.” Bi’an whispered into the freezing air. It offered no response, no acknowledgment that his misery meant anything.
His mind was taken back to the rainy meadow, the kiss, the promise.
He’d waited for Wujiu then.
He would wait again.
As long as it took, as long as he needed to wait.
He would see Wujiu again.
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爱不是占有而是欣赏.
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我会一直等你，无咎。
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