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The two walked in silence, a gentle breeze moved the grass in the fade and the flowers that littered in between the blades. She was standing right next to him, he wouldn't have believed it was real if he couldn't hear the soft steps of her feet.
She had been so silent since they entered the fade together - and he had been too much of a coward to say anything to her. How could he after everything? He wasn't sure if he lacked the words or the will to speak. His body was battered, his face was bruised, his spirit crushed. He’d gone through so much, he had done so much. He had hurt so many, he had killed so many.
Soleanna knew this - still she marched on alongside him just as silent as he was. He wondered what was on her mind, what was she thinking? Had she been sound of mind when she decided to join him into the fade - or was it the emotion of seeing him for the first time outside of her dreams. Was she regretting having come along now that adrenaline was wearing off? She was the Inquisitor - a powerful woman. She used to command an entire army, well respected across all of southern Thedas and she gave it all away in a matter of seconds for him. Why? Why would she do all of that, it doesn’t make sense-
“Solas?” Her voice tore him from his mind, he was so invested in his spiraling thoughts he failed to notice that he had stopped walking. Focusing his vision back on her, he took her features in - truly this time.
Her white hair still as bright and beautiful as freshly fallen snow. It was longer now, most of it tucked behind her pointed ears while two small strands remained untucked, had she meant to grow and shape her hair into a wolf's cut? Did she just like the style and fail to learn its name?
She tilted her head now to look at him and yet still he did not reply. His bright blue eyes bore into hers, if it were any other who was looking at her they would not notice how the once shining emerald green shade of her iris dulled over the years with age.
Age. That’s what she did. She was young when they first met, her early twenties. The passing of time would never affect him but it would her and oh how it suited her. The small wrinkles in the corners of her eyes to the laugh lines by her mouth that have become more pronounced. She was in her thirties now. How did a beauty such as her fall in love with a beast like him?
His thoughts continued to spiral as she stepped closer to him, tears welling in his eyes that threatened to fall while her own were filled with confusion. “Solas what's wrong?” She asked coming to stand in-front of him.
He couldn't contain himself anymore for one simple question broke his remaining walls. True sobs left his mouth unlike the ones at the Archons palace. His limbs failed him as he collapsed onto his knees in-front of her his fingers clutching the fabric of her pants. Shadow Dragon apparel - it must’ve been gifted to her by Dorian was what his mind quickly concluded before the thought vanished just as fast as it came.
Soleanna was in momentary shock as Solas wailed into her thighs, his face sought out the warmth provided from them. She could feel the wetness from his tears begin to soak through, her right hand coming caress the skin of his wounded head. “Vhenan...” She whispered as he wept.
Hearing the softness in her voice broke him even more. After everything she had accomplished from slaying a dozen high dragons to insuring the fall of Corypheus nothing has ever changed her heart. He had once asked her what she was like before being inflicted with his mark and she had insisted she was the same, the raw and powerful magic that had flowed through her veins hadn’t changed her morals or her compassion. At that moment he had not believed her but it was clear to see how wrong he had been so many years ago.
If it had truly changed her like he had believed so, she would not be here with him caressing his skin, the hand on his head moving to grab his face pulling it away from her legs as she knelt to his level. “Ahnsul ma numin, vhenan?” She had asked him, her eyes gentle as her thumb caressed his cheek.
Why do you cry my heart?
His eyes opened slowly to greet hers, his sorrowful gaze meeting a kinder one. There was no anger or malice on her face when she looked at him. It had the opposite affect than it should have - one is normally soothed by such an expression but for him it made his pain all the more greater. He wished she was furious with him, wished that the callused yet soft hand holding his face so gently had instead hit the flesh of his skin, reigniting the searing pain of his wounds from several hours ago. He could handle her anger, he could handle her sorrow - after all he had done it before, years ago. But Solas could not handle her forgiveness, he could not handle her understanding. “Mir ane amahn.” You are here. His voice breaking as he spoke.
“Ir.” I am. She replied in a whisper, her lips pulling into a small smile. Her hand had slid to hold the back of his neck, supporting it as she leaned her head onto his, the skin of their heads touching in a simple gesture. He was unable to avoid her like this, he couldn’t look away even if he wanted too powerless against the locked gaze they now share.
“Ma tel din abelas ra?” Do you not regret it?
“Nae.” No. “I do not regret my choices Solas. None of them, whether it be leaving to come with you or the ones that have led me done this shiral.” Her voice spoke with conviction, her thoughts on the matter being final.
His arm moved, his hand wrapping around her wrist to pull it away freeing his neck to put a minor distance between them in order to see her face in full. “I killed Varric, Soleanna. Our friend died by my hand-”
“Shhhh.” She cooed softly, her eyes becoming half lided. “I know all of that Solas… I know. Varric… He-” She closed her mouth, struggling to find the words she was looking for. “He knew what he was doing. He thought he could sway you, I truly think he could have too, had the circumstances been different… But we can not change the past Solas. Rook was willing to forgive you, she did forgive you. Is it too farfetched to believe that I could too?” She sighed.
And she was right, if Rook could learn to forgive Solas for his transgressions why was the idea that she could so hard for him to believe. Here she was in the fade with him, telling him he did not have to face the anger of the titans alone, and still doubt lingered. He wondering if it would ever go away.
She leaned forward to press her brow against his again, a shade of emerald meeting a hue of violet. “We can not erase the past Solas, no matter how hard we try. But that is why we are here - to make an amends. You can never be free of the harm you caused. From the elves, giving the orb to Corypheus, killing...” She hiccupped, her eyes closing briefly before they opened again her voice continuing in a whisper. “Killing Varric… And hurting me...” She trailed off.
“I never gave up on you Solas. I followed you all over Thedas and I would do it all again just to have this moment with you. I love you.” She breathed, leaning into to kiss his cheek as the words pour from his mouth.
“I’m sorry!” He cried, his hands moving on their own - one to cradle the back of her head and the other pressing the middle of her shoulder blades, gripping the fabric of her tunic so hard his knuckles turn white.
“Vhenan, I’m so sorry, for everything. You’re right - you always have been and I’m a fool who didn’t see it sooner. I love you Vhenan, I love you so much my heart hurts and to have you with me after everything - it’s more than I deserve.” The world vomiting was endless, just unloading the things he never said, never could say but always wanted too. She hushed with him a gentle kiss on his wounded lips.
“You need not apologize any longer Solas. I already understand as I’ve told you, you’re only repeating yourself now vhenan.” She smiled before officially releasing him as they kneeled on the soft earth, gathering his hands.
“I will pledge myself to you once more, but I will not repeat myself again for I fear we will be trapped in an endless loop otherwise.” Her smile was beautiful, still treating the monster he was ever so gently, he was captivaited by for only a moment until she spoke again - a vow that shook him to his core.
“Ara lath, lasan ara’lin sul saota lasan ara’sal, sule ha’lamsal’shiral.” Her eyes teared as she interlaced her fingers with his not caring if the blood from his split open palm was bleeding into hers. This time it was her for words to pour out of her mouth.
My love, I give you myself to make one from two, I give you my soul until the end of life’s journey.
Solas knew instantly what this was, having witness it for himself as one of many experiences left behind in the fade, always surround by spirits of compassion or desire. Dalish wedding vows. His face contorting once more, more tears running from the corners of his eyes to join the ones dried upon his cheeks. “Telas ema em, ar giran ara’lan. Y la’var nuvenir, sul’eman emma asahn sul’ema. Telas raja em, ame lan’revas. Y jusul’anan na i’viren isalas. I thai juem on’el rodhe, garal o emma da’lav.”
You cannot have me, I own myself. But while we wish, I give what is mine to give. You cannot command me, I am a free person. But I shall serve you in the ways you need. And the fruit shall taste sweet, coming from my hand.
He whimpered, even if the tradition was of dalish origin the meaning was not beyond him. Her she was reciting scared vows between lovers. He had asked him just a few moments before if he would ever believe her, he had his answer now. He would never doubt Solesnna again. She opened her mouth to continue the speech, only to be interrupted by him. “Ara di’vhen’an.”
My promise.
“Ma juveremas sael’prear or emma dil. Sael dabathe or emma hyn. Sasha mar melin julahnan fra nyda. Sha mar inan juithan fra dhea. Juame mar shalasha, la ane emma. Telam’aven jurdirtha or em’an. Var vas druast i’em’an, i alinen tel’juharatha ebalasha. Juleanathan i muthan na ove min’sal’shiral, i su uth’then’era.” He closed his eyes, sighing with relief. Once he opened them he took in her face - tears now streaming down her face to match his. Oh how he hated to see her cry even if it was happiness. He leaned in to kiss them away, banishing them from her skin. “I love you Soleanna, and never again will I leave you. Only by death will I ever leave your side - even then it will be unwilling.” He promised her this.
His kissed his way all over her skin, from her eyelids to her brow, to the bridge of her nose to finally settle on her lips. They both released each others hands to cradle their faces together as the kiss they shared deepened. He did not care that her hand soaked in blood now smeared it on his own cheek, just as she did not care that his own blood covered hand did it to hers in return.
The two elves cried in happiness and sorrow together in the fade.
Now bonded together, until the end of time.