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Hirano laid his hand on Kagiura’s waist, running it up his side in the way that always made him gasp against his lips before deepening the kiss, practically thrusting his tongue into Hirano’s mouth as if there was some desperate need for it to be there.
He let Kagiura lean into him, pushing him down until his back was pressing into the bed as one of Kagiura’s hands made its way to the back on his head, cradling it as frantic fingers twined into his hair.
Kagiura pulled away - just for a moment - face flushed and eyes half lidded, the smallest mumble of his name falling from his lips, before he leaned down again, pressing a quick series of kisses down his jaw and onto his neck, eventually landing down near his collar bone, gently beginning to suck on the exposed skin.
Hirano lifted his hand up, letting it fall lightly against his head, rubbing a strand of hair between his fingertips, softly playing with it. He liked it when he would do this. His comfortable weight against him, touching him gently, letting him do what he wanted to do.
He just wanted to be close to him, and this was doing that job quite well.
Kagiura pulled away from his neck, running his hand down from where it had wound up on his shoulder, over his stomach, and down to the bottom of his shirt, fingertips toying with the hem.
He looked at him desperately, voice frantic. “Hirano-san, can we…?” He trailed off, pulling up his shirt a little bit more.
He supposed that he didn’t mind if he took his shirt off. If that was what made him happy, then he didn’t have an issue with it. “Sure.”
Permission granted, Kagiura wasted no time in pulling his shirt up, fully exposing his chest, barely waiting to let him lift his arms up in order to remove it.
“Hey, slow down a little.”
Kagiura leaned forward, pressing his face against his bare chest, voice muffled, “Sorry.”
“It’s fine. You just don’t have to go so fast.” He wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him tightly against him - something that always made Kagiura relax heavily into him. He liked holding him like this. Just being this close together always felt so intimate to him, like there was really nothing else he needed to do.
Kagiura nodded, lifting his head up to look at him, cheeks still flushed, breathing hard. “So, can we keep-”
He was cut off by the beeping of the alarm Hirano had set to indicate that it was time to start studying again.
Hirano sat up, pushing Kagiura up with him.
Kagiura wrapped his arms tightly around him, looking up at him, pouting. “Hirano-san, just a few more minutes. Please?”
He shook his head. “I said fifteen minutes and it’s been fifteen.”
“But we were just getting to the good part.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? And besides that, you need to study. You promised me that you would.”
Kagiura let out a small sigh, hesitating before pulling away from him, letting his touch linger a few seconds longer than it needed to.
“Stop pouting. I thought you wanted to get into the same college as me.”
“I already have a basketball scholarship.”
“That doesn’t mean that you don’t still have to pass the general exam.”
He pursed his lips, looking down at bed. “If I do a good job studying, will you reward me?”
He furrowed his brow. “With what?”
“Letting us keep going.”
Hirano reached over, picking his shirt up from where it had been discarded on the bed, putting it back on over his head. “What? Like kissing?”
“Like more than kissing.”
Conceptually, he knew what he was asking, but for some reason, it didn’t quite work out in his brain. Why did he need to do more than just kissing? Was that not close enough for him?
“We can talk about it more later, all right? For now, get back to work.”
“Okay…” His tone was dejected as he stood up from the bed, heading over to door of the bedroom in Hirano’s small, one bedroom apartment, presumably to go back to the living room where all his school things were.
It was getting close to exam season, so Kagiura had taken to coming over during the weekends in order to study there. He seemed to do better when Hirano was there to oversee what he was doing, so he really didn’t have an issue with it, but it did lead to situations like this.
He sighed, laying back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Kagiura was definitely upset now, but he didn’t fully get why. It wasn’t like they weren’t ever going to do something like that ever again. Why was he so desperate to do more? Was there really that much of a rush?
He didn’t mind doing stuff like that - it wasn’t like it felt bad - but he mostly just liked seeing Kagiura happy. He, himself, didn’t ever have any burning desire to do that sort of thing, but if it happened, it happened. He didn’t think that he would enjoy doing it with anyone else but him.
But, he didn’t fully get why it made him so happy to do. Why he was always wanting to do more. Why he was always so desperate to keep going. Was it really that good for him to do?
He swallowed hard, doubts that he had been dealing with since even before he had entirely realized his feelings toward him entering his mind.
Did he like Kagiura less than Kagiura liked him?
He did like doing stuff like that, but he never felt desperate or pressed about it. It was always just a pleasant thing to do - not that unlike eating dinner with him or watching a movie together or even sleeping in the same bed as him. It was just another part of existing together with him. Something that he could positively say that he loved.
But, it always seemed like Kagiura was far more invested in the physical side of their relationship than he was.
He still remembered the look in his eyes the very first time they had kissed. He had never seen his face filled with so much joy - not even when he had made the game-winning shot at an important game, not even when they had been told they were allowed to stay roommates, not even when they had agreed to live together again the next year for school. It was like just the action of kissing him had been the very best moment of his life.
Just seeing that, he had been overwhelmed, doubts creeping into the feelings he had been sure about just mere minutes before.
He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hand. He didn’t particularly enjoy thinking about that.
He cared about Kagiura - he really, really did - but was it really fair to keep dating him when their feelings seemed to differ in that way?
Was he weird for not being as in to it as he was? Shouldn’t he want to do everything as much as Kagiura seemed to? Shouldn’t he be extremely invested in staying physically intimate with his boyfriend?
Or maybe there was something that he just wasn’t getting about the whole thing? Something that he needed explained to him for him to fully understand? That was the best thing to do when you weren’t sure of something, right? To ask questions?
He wanted to put those doubts to rest now. Today would be that day.
He set his resolve, standing up from his bed, walking with purpose to the living room where Kagiura was seated at the coffee table, workbook open in front of him, diligently going through a review exercise.
He sat down across from him, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why do you like kissing me?”
Kagiura whipped his head up, eyes wide. “What?”
“I’m curious. Why do you like kissing me?”
“What do you mean, ‘why’?” His voice was almost panicked.
So that was a weird question to ask. Maybe he should phrase it differently. “Does it just feel good when you kiss me? Is that why you like it?”
Kagiura’s expression was distraught, his voice coming out frantically. “Why? Does it not feel good for you? Am I bad at kissing? I’m sorry. Just tell me what I’m doing wrong and I’ll fix it. I thought it was fine this whole time.”
Hirano’s eyes widened. Why was he getting so upset over this? Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. Maybe he should have just kept it to himself. He reached his hand out, laying it on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s fine. You don’t need to apologize for anything. It does feel good to me, it’s just…” He trailed off. Now that he was here, it was hard to admit to him that he felt like his feelings toward him weren’t as strong as Kagiura’s.
Kagiura furrowed his brow. “It’s just what?”
He took a deep breath, averting his gaze. He couldn’t just leave this unspoken now that he had already brought it up. He didn’t want Kagiura to be stressed out either, wondering what he wouldn’t tell him.
“Well… it’s just that… it’s not like I don’t like doing it - I do - it’s just that whenever we do, I feel like you’re always way more into it than I am. And so I was worried that I was doing something wrong. Or if there’s something else that I should be doing… because…”
Because what if our feelings aren’t equal? Because what if you’re putting more effort into our relationship than me? Because what if it’s not fair to you that I feel like this?
Kagiura tilted his head like he was considering what he had said. After a few long seconds, he spoke. “I mean… you said that you do like it, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So then what's the problem?”
“It's just… I guess… I like it as much as any other way we spend time together. I don't get why exactly you like doing it so much.”
He was quiet for a few seconds, looking like he was trying to fully process what he had just said. “So, you're saying that you like kissing on the same level as you like something like just going on a date or something?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“But you like doing it?”
“Yeah.”
“So what's the problem?”
He sighed. “Well, you like it more than those things, don't you?”
Kagiura shrugged. “I guess so. I like doing everything with you though.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “So what I'm saying is that I should want to kiss you as much as you want to kiss me, shouldn't I? Isn't that the normal thing to want?”
Kagiura scooted closer to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “I think you're overthinking this, Hirano-san.”
“Huh?”
“Well, why do you like kissing me then?”
His face felt hot. How did he answer a question like that? He did have an answer though. “I… uh…” His voice was quiet as he answered. “I like seeing you happy.”
Kagiura didn't say anything right away, and when he looked up at him, his face was bright red, eyes averted, but there was a small smile on his face.
After a few seconds, he lightly smacked his shoulder. “Hey, say something. You asked a question and I answered.”
Kagiura blinked. “Oh… sorry. That just made me happy.” He gave him a warm and genuine smile. A smile that made his heart pound in his chest. One that made it feel like everything would be all right.
He looked away. “Okay, but you still need to say something.”
Kagiura wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning down to lay his head on his shoulder. “Well, from the sounds of it, you have a reason to like it, so why does it matter who likes it more?”
Hirano laid his hand on the top of his head, gently starting to play with his hair. “It just feels like it isn't fair to you.”
“I don't feel that way. I know that you care about me.”
Hirano was quiet for a few seconds. Even though he was saying that, doubts were still weighing on his mind. “I should be more onto though, shouldn't I? Isn't that the normal way to be with the person you're dating?”
“Who cares whether it's normal or not? It's normal for you, right? I love you the way you are and I always will.”
Something was still tugging at his gut, telling him that he was wrong for feeling this way, but still, the reassurance did help ease some of those feelings of doubt.
He pressed his cheek against the top of his head. “Yeah, love you too.”
There was a pleasant silence between them for a few seconds until Kagiura spoke. “So, am I a bad kisser then?”
“Huh?”
“You have to tell me if I am.”
How was he even supposed to answer that question? “Uh… no? I don't know. It's not like I go around kissing a ton of people.”
Kagiura huffed. “That’s not an answer.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me whether I'm bad or not.”
“You're not, okay?”
“Now I feel like you're just saying that.”
“I don't know what you want from me.”
“The truth.”
“Are you trying to get me to say that you're bad?”
“So I am.”
“Oh my god, Kagi-kun.”
Kagiura started laughing.
Hirano let out a long sigh, but at the same time, he couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at his lips.
Even if he wasn’t entirely sure about a lot of things, the one thing that he was one hundred percent certain about was the fact that he loved the person in front of him.