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Each time he pulled away from his mate, it drove another nail deep into the omega’s heart. His mind would try to quell the gushing of the red pulsing life that leaked from his shattered heart each time he had to say farewell to another promise, another potential life, another pup. That made three now. It wasn’t any easier and it almost felt like it had become a constant source of bleeding heartache from deep within his chest. Every time he would stare at the test in his hands and wait patiently for his phone’s timer to go off, his heart would race, his palms would sweat. When he saw only one line, he would break apart again. So, when he saw two lines three separate times, he was overjoyed and the happiness filling his heart was incomparable.
So, saying goodbye to this third little life was difficult. Every one had been special, every one had lived for mere weeks but they’d nestled their way into their mother’s heart instantly, no hesitation whatsoever from the human side or the omega. Jimin had wanted to be a mother all his life. Why was life so cruel?
As he stared at the blood covering the crisp white bed sheets, he felt such an astounding emptiness in his soul that he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to feel truly whole again. The ache and utter hopelessness in his chest left him breathless, each breath stuttering its way out with no small amount of difficulty as he grieved in silence. No crying yet…
Jungkook, his doe-eyed alpha who loved him fiercely, wasn’t home when their third little pup died, when it silently went into a permanent sleep inside its mother’s womb and then the omega’s body expelled it. The alpha was at work, such a hard-working and diligent mate any omega would be thrilled to have, but Jimin needed him, needed him to confirm what had happened even though he knew. The blood coating the sheets and Jimin’s inner thighs was enough, enough to know the little life was gone. It had happened twice before and Jimin knew the signs of a miscarriage, but his treacherous wolf wanted to believe they were still pupped, that Jimin and Jungkook’s pup lived on inside him. The room was deadly silent but the sound of his grief was deafening, filling every corner of his mind with raging screams that didn’t make a sound in the tangible world. The omega’s heart was broken and he couldn’t allow himself to move for fear the weight of what had happened yet again would crush him and he’d never recover.
So, he sat there as the blood dried, unable to process anything. Time passed but he didn’t know how much. He was lost, drifting along the sea of his loss with no one to help him and nothing to toss him a lifeline. Light shifted and angled in the room, the passing of time as the day grew long, and before Jimin noticed there were sounds outside the room. Dried tear tracks traced down his cheeks. When did he start crying? He wasn’t sure.
The front door of their home opening and closing, shoes being taken off, a voice calling his name…Jimin didn’t, or maybe he couldn’t, reply.
Footsteps coming in the direction of the bedroom. The door opening.
His alpha’s warm sandalwood scent, so familiar and comforting, filled the air but it couldn’t reach him now. Not when Jimin was in the depths of a tumultuous and unforgiving sea, lost as each new wave of grief poured over him.
“Jimin?!” Jungkook called as he ran to the omega, instantly knowing something was very wrong.
The omega didn’t respond, but he heard him. He heard his mate’s voice pierce through the fog over the sea he was swallowed up in, wanted to reach for it and be pulled out but he grieved so badly, ached so fiercely.
“Baby…,” Jungkook had noticed the blood everywhere and Jimin’s lip wobbled as his alpha’s scent muted, dulled and then soured, sharply like a jagged knife against his heart. The alpha’s obvious grief offered no consolation to his own but at least now he wasn’t alone in the sea. Now they were both drowning.
You can’t even carry your alpha’s pup right. Stupid omega, his mind seethed, his wolf growling and whining inside him, so upset and unstable.
New tears sprang from his eyes as he gave himself over to the grief again, feeling Jungkook wrap him up in his arms.
“B-Baby, talk to me,” the alpha begged, his voice breaking and Jimin’s shredded heart somehow tore just a little bit more.
Jimin had no words. Not of comfort of reassurance. If he opened his mouth, he’d just scream. He was so tired of screaming, of shaking his fist at the sky for not allowing him to carry the pups he and his alpha so desperately wanted.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. Alpha’s got you,” Jungkook shushed as he ran his thumbs over Jimin’s cheeks and then just pulled the omega into his chest.
The scent of his mate was comforting as it always was. They’d mated two years ago and ever since his wolf could only be instantly calmed by the alpha’s scent. But this time the hurt was too great.
Jungkook drove him to the hospital after changing his pants and cleaning him off the best he could with a wet towel. Jimin didn’t say a word, didn’t shed another tear. The only time any reaction at all was pulled from him was when the doctor placed the ultrasound probe on his lower belly, right over his womb, and said there was nothing there. There was sorrow and remorse in his eyes, maybe even pity as he’d surely seen Jimin’s record, but the omega could think of nothing but those words. There’s nothing there…
Jimin let out a distress call then that was so broken that the emergency ward went entirely silent. The sound that came from the omega’s throat was a desperate cry of sorrow, of grief, and Jungkook gathered his mate into his arms right there on the hospital bed. Jimin didn’t fight him, barely even felt his strong arms around him. Nothing could be done and for now the doctor said Jimin just needed rest.
Jimin didn’t move from the alpha’s arms until they were in the car again and his expression didn’t change when the alpha drove away from the hospital. Not even when his alpha carried him from the car and into their home. He brought Jimin to the bathroom, filled the bathtub with warm water and then gently stripped him and lowered him into the bathtub. Jungkook cleaned every inch of his body as his own silent tears fell, both for their pup, for himself and for Jimin. Jungkook’s hands were always gentle with him. Never once had Jungkook done anything that would make the omega consider him to be anything less than the perfect alpha. He was the perfect alpha,...and Jimin couldn’t even carry his pups to term. Guilt swarmed his chest, feeling like a physical weight over his sternum that kept his ribs from expanding like he needed to in order to breathe. When Jungkook finished washing his mate, he picked him up and dried him with a white fluffy towel. Jimin never uttered a single word.
Jungkook dressed him in his favorite pajamas, white with little yellow chicks on them, and then changed the sheets before tucking him back into bed. The entire time, from the moment Jungkook had walked through their bedroom door and noticed something was wrong, he’d been emitting his comforting alpha pheromones to soothe and comfort his mate.
“Baby,” Jungkook whispered, his hand gently caressing Jimin’s shoulder and then his slightly damp black hair as he tried to get through to Jimin.
Jimin didn’t respond. Instead, he just laid there, still staring straight ahead.
“You know this isn’t your fault, right? You know we can just try again…it’s okay, baby,” Jungkook said, trying with all his might to keep from crying. The alpha was heartbroken too, Jimin knew.
Jimin’s lip wobbled but he just turned over, hiding his face away from the alpha and closed his eyes. He wanted to sleep and forget. Maybe he’d dream and in those dreams his pups would still be alive and he’d get to see their faces, hear their little gurgles and cries, hold them in his arms.
He was barely awake for a few seconds after that, his body and mind thoroughly exhausted and the last thing he remembered was the dip in the mattress as Jungkook joined him in their bed.
The next morning, his swollen brown eyes opened to survey the wall in front of him, the bedside table with his phone there which he knew was in silent mode. He hadn’t wanted to be disturbed on his day off and now he was glad he’d done it. If someone asked how he was right now, he might shatter into a million pieces.
Arms were wrapped around his middle and they felt warm and safe, his wolf preening and basking in the attentive care of their mate, but Jimin’s heart…that tortured wounded thing was too battered to enjoy the embrace. He wiggled until he could get out from beneath the alpha’s arms and crept silently from their bedroom. He relieved himself, passed a little more blood which made him cry all over again. Once the first few tears started, he couldn’t stop and it terrified him. Would he ever stop crying? It felt all-consuming, like being this broken was how he had to function now and he wondered if he would grow dehydrated from losing so much fluid from his eyes. He stifled his sobs, not wanting his sleeping alpha to hear him in his despair, and turned the shower on. He stripped naked and stood under the hot water, way too hot for comfort but he barely felt the burn of it. He didn’t wash himself, didn’t do anything but stand there and feel the emptiness inside him, still crying, tears mixing with the water from above.
He turned off the shower and stepped outside, grabbing a towel nearby to dry himself. He put the same pajamas on his skin, noticing steam rising as his heated skin met the cooler air of the room. He numbly looked at his toothbrush but found he didn’t have the strength or will to brush his teeth or even look in the mirror at his hair.
Then, he saw the prenatal vitamins and other medications he was taking daily to help strengthen his womb and grow his pup…his pup that was now gone. The tears still fell and now he was shouting, grabbing the bottles of pills and slinging them across the room, knocking everything off the vanity, hearing the shattering of glass and plastic banging against the floor. Jungkook was there in a flash, his heightened hearing and their mating bond no doubt calling out to the alpha to go to their mate as quickly as he could. Distress didn’t begin to describe how Jimin was feeling as he wailed, unable to keep the sounds in anymore. He pulled at his hair, scratched at his scalp and arms and neck, consumed by his grief and loss. Jungkook grabbed him, holding his arms down so he couldn’t continue to hurt himself or destroy their things any further, and shushed him softly.
“Jimin, baby…Shhh, I’m here. I’m here, love,” The alpha said softly into Jimin’s ear, and the omega’s breath stuttered as he cried, as tears poured from his eyes and snot fell from his nose. He didn’t care, couldn’t feel anything beyond his hurt.
Jungkook cradled him as they sank to the floor, Jimin’s legs giving out on him. The omega cried and cried and cried…
After, Jungkook made Jimin and himself some tea and the air was thick with tension. The alpha had cleaned up the mess in the bathroom, had replaced all the pills onto the shelf and swept away anything that had broken. He didn’t mention the destructive path Jimin’s grief had taken and the omega did feel sorry but he didn’t say as much.
Jungkook sat down beside Jimin on their sofa, after wrapping a fuzzy blanket around his shoulders, and sighed.
“Baby, please talk to me. Let me in,” Jungkook begged, his scent so bitter with distress and worry that it almost made Jimin cry anew.
Jimin looked down, cradling his cup which was steaming. He wanted to chuck it at the wall, but…he honestly just felt so drained. He’d been wrong to break things and lash out in that way but the pain had just been too much.
“I’m not okay, Alpha…and I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay,” Jimin whispered, the words scaring him with the truth held in them.
Jungkook leaned forward, placing his mug on the coffee table, and then turned to Jimin and grabbed his free hand. “I love you. You know that, right?”
Jimin didn’t answer. Yes, he knew Jungkook loved him to pieces, but he felt like the worst omega and mate in the world right now and nothing Jungkook said could erase his own guilt. Not now…maybe not ever.
“We can try again, you know? Just because-”
“No.”
Jungkook stared at him and the omega felt it but Jimin avoided his gaze. “What do you mean ‘No’?”
Jimin’s lip trembled but he stayed firm. He’d made his decision and it was going to crush Jungkook but he knew he couldn’t survive another miscarriage. “I can’t go through this again…I’m done trying.”
Jungkook just stared at him and Jimin didn’t return his gaze, knowing what he’d see there regardless. His alpha had wanted pups just as much as Jimin, if not more, and they’d both been overjoyed each and every time they’d seen the positive tests, went to the first ultrasounds, and equally as devastated when all three pups hadn’t survived. He knew it was breaking Jungkook’s heart even further, twisting that knife into already wounded flesh, but Jimin couldn’t live with it, with the guilt and pain and torture of doing this yet another time. He had a limit and there it was, a line drawn in the sand.
“If…If that’s what you want,” Jungkook whispered, and Jimin knew from the way he said it that it was indeed not what the alpha wanted but he was giving Jimin control, allowing him to decide.
They didn’t speak after that. Jimin knew it was because Jungkook was too heartbroken to make conversation any longer. Jimin felt the numbness creeping into his chest again as he wondered how the alpha could ever truly love him when all Jimin did was disappoint him.
The next few days were not much better. Jimin had stopped passing blood after a couple days and he had went to his doctor who had said that everything looked okay. She’d spoken with him about trying again but Jimin hadn’t wanted to hear it. She’d offered a different medicine and even in vitro fertilization or surrogacy but Jimin had paled and just stared at the floor. She’d reassured him that lots of omegas deal with infertility but it doesn’t mean that it will never happen. She encouraged him to not lose hope. Jungkook had wanted to come with him to his appointment, but the omega had adamantly denied, not wanting the alpha to be given any of that bittersweet false hope. Jimin was at the end of his emotional rope.
He took an entire week off from work, just to sit and mope and mentally recover. He barely ate and what little he did eat was forced into his mouth by his alpha who was worrying over him every single day. Jungkook was a bit quieter than usual, no doubt dealing with his own grief, but he took great care of Jimin, like he always had. Their previous discussion wasn’t reopened.
At night he tried to pull Jimin close to him but the omega always shimmed away though it physically ached in the depths of his soul, like a wound he didn’t know would ever close. He couldn’t bear to be comforted by Jungkook now, not when he’d let him down so fully. So, he slept on his own side of the bed, cold and alone.
Their relationship continued to fracture, though Jimin hated watching it even knowing he was the cause. His mind kept telling him that Jungkook deserved better than a weak omega who couldn’t even carry his pups. He deserved an omega who would take the alpha’s seed and nourish it, cherish it and create beautiful perfect healthy pups with it. He wasn’t worthy…so he distanced himself. He didn’t start birth control but he abstained from all intimacy with his alpha. He missed it, he couldn’t deny that. Jungkook and he had always been affectionate and loving toward one another, their shared passion igniting like flames in the bedroom. Now, though, when Jungkook tried to kiss him he allowed it but as soon as the alpha deepened it Jimin would find an excuse to move away.
He’d miscarried the pup almost two months into the pregnancy and he’d been afraid to tell his parents about this pup after he’d lost the first two. He’d told his best friend, Taehyung, but that’s it. The first time he spoke with his parents after miscarrying the third pup was a challenge, to say the least.
“Hey, Jimin. How are you, dear?” His mother’s happy voice spoke into his ear.
Jimin took a deep breath. “I’m okay. How are you and Appa?”
His mother chuckled. “We are good, dear. Your father keeps me on my toes with all his business trips and his renovations of our bedroom which have been going on for a week now, mind you.”
Jimin couldn’t help but to laugh at his father’s antics. Always excited to start a project, but finishing it, well…
“Oh, that’s good. I’m just staying busy with work.”
“Yes, I’m sure owning and running your own cafe keeps you very busy. Hopefully not too busy to make me some grandpups, though, huh?”
His mother was laughing but Jimin was not.
“Oh, uh…yeah.”
“You don’t sound very excited. Last time we spoke, you were all about the idea of having pups. Did something happen?”
Jimin couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think of what to say or how to say it. How could he admit to his mother that he’d never have pups, that he’d said goodbye to three already?
“Jimin?”
“Um…I’m not having pups, Eomma.”
There was only silence on the other end of the line. For several moments after his mother’s gasp of shock.
“Jimin…did something happen? You’ve always wanted pups.”
“I can’t…I can’t have pups, Eomma. I just…can’t.”
“Is there something wrong? Did Jungkook say something to-”
“No! No, Eomma, I just…I just can’t okay?” His tone had grown short and his mother was silent again for a moment.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m sorry. Whatever the issue is, I’m sorry baby. It’s okay if you never have pups. You know that, right? No one will love you any less. If you ever need to talk about it, please talk to me, baby.”
Jimin’s eyes filled with tears and he sniffled as quietly as he could. “O-Okay.”
“Oh, baby…That’s it, I’m driving to Seoul this weekend.”
“No, no. I swear I’m okay, it’s just…been a rough few weeks.”
Jimin didn’t mention the months they’d spent trying, months their three separate pups had spent growing and then weeks recovering from their losses to try again. It was all so tiring and too agonizing to share with anyone.
“Please call me if you need anything, Jimin. I know you’ve got Jungkook and that alpha would move mountains for you, but…we love you, baby.”
Jimin nodded even though his mother couldn’t see. She was right, though. Jungkook adored him and even though their relationship had been so strained lately, he still took care of Jimin. He made sure that every day Jimin’s breakfast and coffee were sitting on the counter, ready to go. It was always his favorite and he couldn’t resist, even if his stomach protested against the sight of the sustenance. It was difficult but he swallowed it down, for his alpha. It was the least he could do after how he’d been lately.
“I love you too, Eomma. I’ve gotta go, but I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay…Bye, Jiminie.”
“Bye.”
That evening, Jungkook had come home with a vase of roses and a bottle of wine. This sent the fragile omega into another mental spiral. He could have wine now because he’d miscarried their pup. The tears filled his eyes as soon as he saw it and he also watched how Jungkook’s eyes filled with regret and horror as he realized how Jimin’s wounded mind had twisted this peace offering into a brutal attack.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t…I just wanted us to relax,” Jungkook said, his scent souring with distress as he placed the roses and wine on the counter.
Jimin wrapped his arms around himself, staring at that cursed bottle of wine and wanting to throw it against the wall. “No, it’s okay. You didn’t know it would upset me. The…The flowers are beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you,” Jungkook said, a little edge of hope in his tone, trying to be playful and sweet and win Jimin over.
The corner of the omega’s lip lifted slightly, like he wanted to smile. “Did you practice that line all day?”
Jungkook snorted. “No, I have more skill than that.”
Jimin really did smile now, feeling their chemistry that had always been electrifying kick in. “Oh, really?”
It was so incredibly difficult to ever stay away from Jeon Jungkook.
Jungkook nodded his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers. He was still in his work clothes and he looked…well, delectable should’ve probably been limited to describing foods but it also worked in this scenario. Jimin was a lucky omega and he still wondered how he had been lucky enough to snag this gorgeous alpha.
He sauntered toward Jimin, those dark eyes locked with his, flowers and wine forgotten on the counter.
“Well, I’ve never heard you complain about my skills before,” Jungkook husked, his voice rough and sensual in the way that told Jimin he wanted him. His alpha had to be so intimately and sexually deprived. He hadn’t gotten to touch his omega for weeks now…had it been months?
Jimin’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest and his omega wanted to go belly up and submit immediately. This was their alpha. His mind screamed inside him. Mate, claim, breed, pups…
He almost lets it win. He almost allowed his heart to release the white knuckled grip he had on the heartbreak inside him, but he just wasn’t ready. He can’t let himself be vulnerable again. When Jungkook leans forward with obvious intention to kiss him, Jimin lets him get right up to his lips but then he is backing away. Jungkook didn’t permit his omega to go very far, though.
“Talk to me,” Jungkook’s stern but still gentle voice demanded. His eyes were dark and tense, his tone authoritative but the love bled through in those dark familiar eyes. Jimin wouldn’t get out of this easily, though.
He whimpered and Jungkook’s expression softened further, letting the hurt show in his expression. He obviously didn’t want to make Jimin feel afraid of him.
“Baby, please,” Jungkook whispered, his hands closing around Jimin’s waist and fingers tugging at him.
“I can’t…I don’t…,” Jimin stammered, unable to even voice the chaos within his mind into audible syllables that made sense. It felt unreachable.
Jungkook sighed and pulled Jimin into his arms. The omega went willingly, inhaling the scent of his mate as he closed his eyes.
“Is it…Is it because of the pup? You don’t want to get pregnant again?” Jungkook asked, his hands gently rubbing Jimin’s back, slow paths up and down.
Jimin whined and buried his nose into Jungkook’s collarbone. “I can’t get pregnant again.”
“So you won’t let me touch you?” The alpha asked, scent of bitter and shoulders tense. His entire posture screamed hurt and a bit angry as well.
Jimin wanted to deny it, that he’d love his alpha’s familiar big hands on him but he just couldn’t. His mind and heart were too afraid to lose something so precious ever again and he couldn’t let himself be open to the idea of getting pregnant again.
“I can’t do it again…,” Jimin whispered, the words going out into the air between them making his heart tremble, its weak rhythm picking up.
Jungkook’s eyes were sad, his scent muted and bitter. His alpha was upset, torn and conflicted.
“So I can’t touch you anymore?” Jungkook asked, voice low and quiet.
Jimin shook his head. “Not right now.”
Jungkook nodded and his jaw clenched as he worked a muscle in his cheek, a sign of obvious anger...of hurt. He didn’t let it enter his scent but suddenly the warm scent of sandalwood was gone. Jungkook was hiding it from him.
“Okay, Jimin,” Jungkook seemed to struggle to get out before he turned from Jimin and walked away.
Jimin’s omega felt like every step the alpha took away from him carved a hole into his heart where the bleeding was barely staunched. It gushed freely again, pouring from him in waves of agony and pain. He didn’t want to stay away from the one person who understood his pain but he was terrified. Even his wolf felt confused and uncertain. He needed to be alone right now.
Days went by with little communication between them, like something sacred had been broken. The trust between them had been strong and powerful, their mating bond pure and beautiful, but now it felt like they were merely roommates or friends. Could they even call themselves friends if they barely spoke to each other?
Jimin ached to speak to Jungkook, to apologize for what he’d said, but he was afraid their makeup would end in being intimate and he just wasn’t ready.
His mother suggested at some point, after he finally broke down and described to her the agony he now found himself in, that he take some time, get away with Jungkook and just relax and heal. She suggested the beach or maybe Jeju Island for a romantic getaway. Jimin thought about it for a few days but he felt in his heart that nothing would help with how he was feeling. He felt lost and helpless, like the abyss he now found himself in never ended and he was lost in the turbulent waves of his grief, water cascading over him again and again, pulling him deeper and deeper.
But one day, things began to change.
Jungkook, who’d been gradually distancing himself, came home from work early. In his hands was a single potted plant. The petals looked soft, pink in color, radiating around a yellow center. Jimin was incredibly confused as he stared at it, but he couldnt deny he was happy to see his mate though he refused to show the alpha emotion. His bitterness knew no end.
“I got this today…it’s evening primrose. It’s said to signify eternal love, youth, and…memory,” Jungkook offered as an explanation as he caressed the little petals.
Jimin didn’t say anything but his heart told him the flower’s purpose before his mate said it.
“I think planting these might help us…to heal,” Jungkook said, his voice growing increasingly softer as he finished.
Jimin was frozen for several long moments, unsure what he could say in response. The thought, the gesture, was incredibly thoughtful and sweet. Jungkook had always been this way and the omega felt the previously impenetrable ice gathered around his heart shift just a little.
“If it’s stupid, I-“ Jungkook began but Jimin rushed forward, snatching the little pot from Jungkook and cradling it close to his chest.
“No…we will take good care of it…but we need two more,” Jimin said, making Jungkook smile softly after the surprise had left his expression.
Jungkook nodded slowly. “I can get two more tomorrow.”
Jimin smiled, the first he had ever since the miscarriage.
That evening, he and his alpha planted the little plant in the ground outside their little home and lovingly watered it, even giving it some of the special sustenance that was supposed to help it grow well anywhere it was sewn.
Jimin and Jungkook had stared at the little plant, their clothed knees covered in dirt from the garden. It was an evening made complete and bright by the full moon in the sky. Jimin had refused to wait until morning so after dinner they’d gone outside and by the time they finished their project a deep dusk had fallen leading to the rise of that beautiful moon, almost like the dawning of a new day somehow.
Their tears were silent but in Jimin’s heart it felt so healing, like the ice finally splintered and cracked. It began to thaw, spring renewing the frozen winter.
“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” Jimin whispered.
It didn’t take more for Jungkook to pull his mate into his arms and then the tears fell from the omega’s eyes in rivers as he let his mate hold him for the first time in weeks.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Jungkook, I’m so sorry,” Jimin frantically pleaded but Jungkook shushed him gently.
“It’s okay, baby. Hey, you’re alright. We are okay, love,” Jungkook crooned into Jimin’s ear as he swayed gently from side to side while cradling Jimin against his chest.
The omega was trembling, sobs bursting from his chest like rapid gunfire as he released all his grief. He tore open his chest and allowed himself to feel it all, to let it all out.
“Breathe, baby, breathe. I know, baby. I love you so much,” Jungkook whispered into his ear, his voice catching at the end, too overwhelmed with emotion to remain stable.
“I love you,” Jimin cried into Jungkook’s neck, the comforting scent of his alpha like a healing balm to his fractured heart.
They were both grieving, both so tortured by the cards life had dealt them, by the losses they’d both experienced. They’d both been suffering through the last weeks wondering if they’d ever somehow get through it. Now, they knew they would.
After that night, things were much better. Jimin was practically glued to the alpha’s hip. It wasn’t sexual at all, merely…intimate. Their souls needed each other, needed their bond and nearness to heal. They didn’t engage in anything beyond soft and gentle touches and the occasional peck of lips. Jungkook knew Jimin wasn’t ready and Jimin didn’t have the emotional capacity to breach that hurdle just yet.
It had been a month since their loss. Enough time had passed that they could try again…if they wanted. Jimin had forced himself to go to his doctor appointment to get checked up and his doctor had told him everything looked fine following the loss and that he should try to keep his head up, that many omegas have been successful after multiple losses. Jimin wanted so badly to believe it, to want to try again, but his heart was so fragile and broken.
Each evening he would water his little evening primrose plants and sing them a lullaby. It was one his mother had often sang to himself when he was a pup and it comforted him. He mourned his three little miracles daily.
Jimin’s heat was fast approaching and they hadn’t really talked about it. Jimin figured Jungkook would wait years if that’s what it took. He was a patient and loving alpha. He wouldn’t push Jimin before the omega was ready.
So, Jimin knew he had a choice to make.
Did he open his heart to possibly be hurt again or did he give up on the precious dream altogether?
His answer came one evening when his mother came to visit. She was always so helpful and had brought them dinner that evening, giving both him and Jungkook a big hug. She noticed the primrose and gushed over them.
“Oh, they’re beautiful, Jimin,” she had cried, her eyes misty. She knew the reason behind them. “What a lovely way to remember them.”
Jimin had lovingly caressed their soft petals, a smile on his lips.
“Something beautiful to come out of something so tragic,” Jungkook said, his voice solemn.
Jimin nodded and didn’t say anything but the words stuck with him for the rest of the evening. He’d finished brushing his teeth and had changed into his pajamas when he walked into the bedroom to find Jungkook sitting against the headboard reading a book. The alpha was a big fantasy book nerd and there was always some sort of novel next to the bed on his nightstand. He put down the book when Jimin got into bed.
“Hey, baby,” Jungkook greeted warmly, setting his book down on the nightstand and turning off his light. Jimin’s light remained on.
“Hey…can we talk?” Jimin asked timidly, afraid but excited at the same time in a way he hadn’t felt in a long while.
“Sure, Jimin. Is anything wrong?” Jungkook asked, brows knitting with concern.
Jimin smiled softly. “No, Alpha. Just…it’s about pups.”
Jungkook’s face was wiped of all expression, completely unreadable. His scent spiked with worry though even as his lips finally curved up into a smile.
“Sure, baby. You can tell me anything,” Jungkook said softly, reaching for one of Jimin’s hands. The omega offered it willingly, squeezing it gently.
“I know I can, Jungkookie. You’ve been so good to me. I was so hurt and scarred and I didn’t even want to think about having pups or being intimate with you because I didn’t want to risk my heart again. It tormented every waking moment since the day I woke up to blood the last time…I still can't sleep sometimes and that image just replays over and over in my head, the despair I felt…,” Jimin trailed off, his voice wavering as Jungkook squeezed his hand and then ran gentle circles on the back of it with his thumb. “It took me some time and I’m still not all the way there, Jungkook. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be there but…with you, I think I want to try again.”
Jungkook just stared at him with wide eyes. “You…you mean you want to try to have a pup again?”
Jimin felt the tears gather and he couldn’t stop them. He nodded, Jungkook blurring in his vision. His alpha grabbed him tightly, pulling him into his warm body.
“Baby, you’re amazing. I love you so much. You are so strong and perfect and beautiful. I can’t imagine your pain, your hurt and despair. I felt my own but I know I wasn’t alone. I’m here with you. All the way. Whether we try again or we don’t,” Jungkook rasped into his hair as he held Jimin.
The omega hiccuped a sob but he was smiling. “I wanna try again, Alpha. Please. I want a pup.”
Jungkook pulled away so he could look into the omega’s eyes and he smiled, tears clinging to his lashes. “Then we will have a pup, my love.”
And so it was decided.
Jimin’s heat came and the omega had reiterated to his anxious alpha multiple times the week before that he still wanted this, that he wanted to try again no matter the outcome. So, when the time came and Jimin was lost to his heat and the need to be bred consumed him, Jungkook did just that. He bred him over and over and over again, knotting him each time to keep it all inside for a better chance of catching.
When it was over, they were both so incredibly sore but they’d looked at each other and smiled in the hazy midday light of their bedroom, feeling hopeful and light despite the traumas they’d endured.
Each day was a source of anxiety for Jimin who wondered with each passing hour if he was pregnant or not, if his heat had been successful. He prayed it was but then at times he was hesitant to, not wanting to relive the grief he’d so recently prevailed against so soon. But, his alpha would hold him and love him and reassure him that no matter what they’d have each other. Jungkook was his rock in the time he needed it most, and he truly knew he was the most blessed omega in the world to have an alpha like Jungkook.
He woke up one morning and couldn’t finish his breakfast before he had to run and throw up what little he’d eaten. He’d bought a test that day and had used it that evening.
Positive.
Jimin had stared at the test, like he couldn’t believe it. Was he happy? Was he sad? Was he terrified? He thought it might be all three at once?
Jungkook got home and Jimin just sat there on the couch holding the test in one trembling hand. Jungkook knew instantly.
“Hey, baby, come here,” Jungkook had said, putting the test on the coffee table and pulling Jimin into his arms. The alpha’s scent wasn’t betraying how he felt. He was waiting to see how Jimin felt first.
“Are you okay?” Jungkook murmured into his hair.
Jimin took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “I…I think so, yeah.”
Jungkook nodded and then pulled away. “And how do you feel…about that?” He looked pointed at the test.
Jimin too turned his gaze to the positive test and his heart skipped a beat. He had a little pup growing in his belly right now. Another chance to be a mother.
“I’m…really happy,” Jimin said and he meant it. His smile was so big it hurt and Jungkook broke down then, his scent flooding with happiness and relief as he curled around Jimin, rubbing his nose into Jimin’s neck to scent him.
“I’m so proud of you, baby. I love you so much. We are gonna have a pup, I know it,” Jungkook said, his voice strained as he struggled not to cry.
Jimin kissed Jungkook’s ear. “I love you, Alpha.”
Jimin told himself to stay strong with each day that passed. Jungkook refused to allow him to lift a finger if he was home and was aggravated when he couldn’t be there to tend to Jimin’s every whim. The omega didn’t need tending to, as he’d told his protective alpha many times but it secretly made him happy how sweet and caring his mate was being and how protective he was over his omega and unborn pup.
Jimin was nervous every morning, afraid to pull the covers back, not wanting to see evidence of another failure.
But it never came. One month passed, then two, then three…further than he’d ever made it before with any of his pregnancies.
His doctor told him at every single appointment that everything looked great and the pup was doing very well. When Jimin and Jungkook had their first ultrasound, they’d both cried and held each other closely right there in the exam room. Their pup was alive and thriving.
Four months passed, then five…then Jimin really had to admit they were having a pup. It was happening. He began to relax and purchased some of the saved items in his online shopping cart he’d saved forever ago. Jungkook had already began remodeling on the room meant to be the nursery when they’d first started trying so the continued renovations amped up in urgency and they made everything blue and gray. They’d found out it was a boy and they’d named him Jongsu.
Both parents were equally obsessed with their little pup. Jimin wasn’t waddling yet but his stomach was very rounded and big, the cutest pregnancy bump. Jungkook’s hands were permanently glued to the skin there, rubbing and caressing, his soft voice speaking in hushed gentle tones to their unborn pup. Jimin would usually cry when his alpha spoke to their pup, so happy to finally be here.
Six months passed, then seven, and then eight. The nursery was finished, the final touches on organizing and decorating almost done as well. Little Jongsu had his place carved out in the world and now he just needed to fill it. Jimin couldn’t wait to meet him and as much as he’d wished to be pregnant it was getting to be quite miserable. His back ached, his feet ached, there was this really cool thing called sciatica that he now unfortunately had, he couldn’t move within twenty feet of a bathroom or he’d pee on the floor, walking more than that twenty feet would wind him…but he adored every second of it. He’d endure the suffering his body was going through to meet their precious pup, any time.
The last month passed and finally it was time. Labor was painful and scary and intense, but Jungkook was, like he’d always been, a rock at his side. He encouraged Jimin, told him he was beautiful even through Jimin’s screams of pain, kissed him and pressed ice to the back of his neck to cool him down. He was there the entire time and when their pup wailed as it came into the world and Jimin slumped back against the pillows of his hospital bed, Jungkook leaned over and kissed Jimin’s forehead. The omega panted, overwhelmed and exhausted.
“You’re amazing, baby. You did it. Do you hear him? Our pup is here,” Jungkook spoke into his ear and then kissed him soundly before scenting him to help calm Jimin down.
The omega cried, so relieved and happy and then was reaching for his pup. The nurses cleaned him up and handed him to his mother immediately.
“Hey, little Jongsu,” Jimin breathed, his voice getting choked up. What they’d given to be here…what they’d lost…
“I love you so much, little pup. You are so loved,” Jimin whispered to his pup. The love he felt in his heart had never been matched, he was sure of it. He’d do anything for the tiny little pup in his arms. He had Jungkook’s adorable round eyes and Jimin’s nose. The lips were a bit on the fuller side so he might have Jimin’s lips, too. He had a full head of black hair.
Jimin gave his pup his pointer finger and the pup latched on tightly.
“Thank you, baby,” Jungkook said.
Jimin looked up at him with teary eyes and smiled. “We did it, Alpha.”
Jungkook smiled through his own emotions. “Yes, Omega. We did it. You did it. I’m so proud of you.”
Jungkook knew firsthand how difficult this had been for Jimin and he was in awe of the strength his omega possessed. Over the next few days he’d shower his omega with love and care, helping him to heal and recover while also caring for their pup. Their little family was complete for now. Perhaps in the future they’d feel brave enough to try to give Jongsu a brother or sister.