Work Text:
It’s another night of overtime. Ratio sits in his office grading papers; although technology has allowed for electronic assignments, he sometimes has his class revert to antique ways for the sake of culture. Plus, it’s a nice break from the monotony of binary codes and blue-lit screens.
His cellular device vibrates on his desk, interrupting his peaceful routine. There’s but one person in the universe who insists on calling out of the blue, and as such, Ratio set this particular person’s ringtone as a twinkling jingle. Nothing too high-pitched or obnoxious, because one missed call easily leads to several in rapid succession. It's a bit like a siren before the storm arrives— a warning he’s about to be involved in a kooky conversation.
He quickly jots down reminders on a duckling-themed notepad before the call cuts and another takes its place. Sighing, he tosses the pen and picks up the phone.
“Speak.”
“Is that how you talk to your fellow employees? What about your students?” Aventurine purrs on the other end of the line.
“It’s late in the evening, so with haste, please tell me your conundrum of the day.” Ratio casually replies. He squeezes the phone between his cheek and shoulder, continuing to scribble on papers.
Aventurine scoffs, albeit playfully. “Actually, it’s morning—”
Ratio purposely sighs in a dramatic manner to shut him up. Getting the hint, Aventurine cuts to the chase. “It’s a very serious conundrum, Doctor. Truly serious.”
His tone somewhat matches his words, but Ratio stands firm. “Is that so?”
“Yes, duh.”
“And it’s so serious that… what, exactly?”
“I need your help, oh Doctor.”
“Mhm.” Ratio digs his fingers into his temple to relieve the ache shooting down his jaw, probably caused by a lack of quality sleep. “Why should I help you?”
“ Because we’re best friends!” Aventurine says in sing-song. “Best friends help each other out! They solve problems together!”
“What kind of problem are you in that would possibly entail asking for my assistance?” It goes unsaid but well known that Aventurine isn’t the type to reach out, no matter how dangerous the situation. Ironically, Ratio finds his stubborn independence to be a hindrance and a flaw, yet the few times he’s been called, it was never for the right reason.
Aventurine clicks his tongue and Ratio can perfectly imagine him tilting his head and smirking, in his usual fashion. “Let me be frank: I have an infestation.”
“An infestation?” Ratio perks up, then. A particular species known for its parasitic nature jumps into his head, but he quells the sickening lurch in his stomach over Aventurine’s safety being compromised. Surely, he implies something else. “Of what? Are you okay? What’s the damage?”
Aventurine’s giggle further soothes his nausea. “Well, my couch is ruined and my sateen sheets have been ripped to shreds! It’s pocket change to replace, but it’s a bit out of hand, you know? As for me, I'm just peachy, thanks for asking! ♡”
A long pause settles between them. Hearing only crackling over the phone, Aventurine gives him a poke. “If you hang up on me, I’ll just drop them off on your doorstep.”
Ratio finally mutters, “Them?”
“Yes, them . The cutest critters across the galaxy,” he hums. “I’m no scientist, so I haven’t the slightest idea how they reproduce, but five has turned into ten, and ten has turned into twenty, Doc.”
That’s curious. “Spit it out already, what are they? I assume they’re mostly harmless?”
Now it’s Aventurine’s turn to pause, leaving Ratio with only shuffling and a strange squeak echoing in the background. “You’ll see,” he chirps.
“Aventurine, don’t play games with me—”
Beep, beep, beep!!
Ratio gapes at his device, watching Aventurine’s contact photo (one he took after stealing Ratio’s phone) return to a plain home screen. That brat! He’s not even home yet! Once again, he gambles, betting on beating Ratio home and trapping him with mysterious creatures. Creatures that while do seem docile, they shred clothes and furniture; a fact he’s not keen on.
But, a wise man once said, ‘ all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy ’. Ratio needs a break, after all.
❉ ❉ ❉
Miraculously, Ratio arrives home sooner than Aventurine. He unlocks his front door with the passkey and a code, rushing in to tidy the tiniest bits and bobs throughout his quaint residence. There’s not a stain or smear on a single surface but he wipes them anyhow. His current, stuffy attire is tossed, alongside his molehill of dirty laundry. He can’t let Aventurine know he wears clothes! Ratio then stands in front of his wall-sized mirror and begins to blush at his own naked figure. What is he even thinking ?
A richly-colored periwinkle lounge set soon covers him, right as he hears a knock on his front door. Despite having the means to open it himself, he’s being polite! Ratio checks his reflection once more and brushes a stray hair behind his ear. Just to be completely and totally sure, he snatches one last thing from his counter.
The instant he opens the door, he’s greeted first by a monstrously-shaped cloth. It undulates and bulges, much to his disgust. He hears Aventurine’s preppy voice speak up from behind it, and it’s then he notices his small hands gripping onto the cloth for dear life. Actually, Ratio’s perplexed as to how he knocked on the door.
“Aventurine, what is this?” he deadpans. “Is this a Frankensteinien creation of yours? A failed homunculus?”
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. No, not even remotely.” Aventurine coughs, “Take it, please. Also, loosen up on the cologne— just because it’s a gift doesn't mean you gotta choke me out!”
At his teasing words, Ratio’s milky skin flushes red, a deep scowl marking his pretty face as he begrudgingly takes the large swaddled bundle from Aventurine’s arms. He stares at the mess of pink cotton and smooth … fur? Is–-is that an eyeball in there?
“See, aren’t they cute?”
Ratio truly attempts to find agreeable ground with him, but fails to do so. “They’re soft.”
“Yeah, cute things are usually soft , Doctor.”
“Are they?”
Aventurine lazily shrugs and gives his bicep a squeeze, his hand retracting just as quickly to avoid a scolding. Or a thump to the forehead. “ You’re pretty soft, aren’t ‘cha? C’mon, don’t be so grumpy. You’re a daddy now!”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Meow!”
Ratio jumps a mile high, provoking Aventurine to burst out laughing. A round, fat thing with big, glassy eyes peeks out of the blanket, its itty bitty mouth releasing squeaks, the same sound he heard earlier during the phone call.
Perturbed, he asks, “Why is this cat deformed?”
Aventurine acts offended on their behalf. “They’re not deformed! Geez, what is wrong with you? This is how they’re supposed to look! … I think.”
Another set of dolly eyes peers up, then another, then eventually he feels like he’s staring at a dark cave overran with bats. “Where did you even acquire these creatures? They’re not native here, that’s a fact.”
“Of course not! The Astral Express came by to visit me after I had my ‘ PTO ’, as you remember, and Stelle brought a critter along to cheer me up. I really didn’t take to it, to be honest, but her and March 7th demanded I keep it. They said it was lonely, and that they aren’t around enough to care for it on the Express. As if I’m not a busy man too!”
“Quite peculiar they would use such an excuse considering there’s always at least two Nameless on the Express at all times— that’s what I’ve heard, anyway.”
Aventurine scrunches up his face, now deep in thought over Stelle and March’s innocent trickery. He’s not used to the wool being pulled over his eyes, Ratio notes with an amused smile. He wipes it off though, and clears his throat.
“And since they’re breeding at an unimaginable rate, you’re dumping some on me..”
“Temporarily!”
“How long is ‘temporarily’?”
Aventurine crosses his arms and bumps shoulders with Ratio, glancing at a critter who reaches up for him. “It won’t be for long, I promise. To be honest, I was thinking maybe you’d use that 300 IQ of yours—”
“Oh, you humble me.” Eye roll.
“—and study them to see what makes them tick!”
Ratio sighs. He swivels on his heels to set the restless creatures down and without a verbal cue, Aventurine follows him inside his home. As he releases the eager lil’ cakey-looking creatures into his spacious living room, Ratio continues on, “I’m not a zoologist, Aventurine. I have no interest in an animal’s means of reproduction.”
Aventurine flops onto Ratio’s couch, his legs hanging off the armrest. “Okay, whatever, but you’ll babysit them, won’t you?”
A critter resembling a thick stack of pancakes hops around the couch, examining its new surroundings. Its’ especially invested in a marble recreation of a man with similar features to Ratio. The handsome visage makes no impression on it. If it has a nose, it sniffs, then hops away in disinterest.
“Since they’re crawling over my furniture, the answer should be obvious.”
Aventurine beams from ear-to-ear. He slides off the couch and moves to wrap his arms around Ratio’s shoulders, which the latter braces for and defends himself against the cuddly assault. “Oh, you’re the best ! I knew I could count on you!”
Ratio averts his eyes briefly when a tinge of pink peppers his cheeks. “You’re oddly chipper. It’s a bit jarring.”
“What’s wrong with being chipper? Are you saying you prefer me to act like a brat?”
Ratio shakes his head, his posture still uncomfortably awkward with his arms hovering around Aventurine as if he has germs. “You’re putting words in my mouth.”
Aventurine lazily releases him, although his hands linger across his waist, his digits pressing into Ratio’s ribs for one last imprint. A sensual rebuttal doesn’t linger on his tongue, yet Ratio imagines he’s about to utter it.
There are a lot of things I’d like to put in your mouth.
But, it’s not said. Instead, Ratio diverts his attention to the ‘cats’ loitering his home. “Do they have specific dietary requirements? Anything of note you can think of, please let me know before you leave.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Aventurine waves him off and bends down to address his pets, then points to Ratio. “Hey guys, you’re having a sleepover with my best friend here!”
In unison, they break out in a harmonious choir of meow’s— meowing that is suspiciously literate.
“ Berry! Berry! ”
Ratio stares at them, his brows furrowed. “What did they say? Are they able to speak English?”
“ Berry! Berry—Berry-tas! ”
Ratio is blasted with the realization they’re chanting his name. He gapes at Aventurine, who returns a smug expression. “How do they know my name?”
Aventurine shrugs, but his faint blush tells Ratio the truth. Just what has he been telling and showing these critters? So much so too, that they recognize him? They’re vastly more intelligent than he gave them credit for— which is just as shocking a revelation.
“They have ears, you know. Somewhere in there,” Aventurine says casually. There’s not a crumb of embarrassment on him.
Ratio digests this nugget of information and decides not to follow up on it. Aventurine fills the silence for both of them. “They don’t eat on a schedule, not like most pets, and they like to sit atop tall, soft things! They’ll even stack atop each other like donuts.”
“Intriguing.”
“They’re pretty self-sufficient, otherwise. Damage you incur due to your gracious hospitality I’ll cover, okay? Actually, go ahead and take this—”
Aventurine offers up a pure gold and silver metal card, but Ratio interjects. “I don’t need it.”
“You might.”
“I won’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“99.7 percent.”
“That’s not 100.”
“Nothing is truly 100 percent guaranteed; a fact you’re quite intimate with.”
Aventurine snickers, and crudely stuffs the card into pant’s pocket, much to Ratio’s brief humiliation. “Whether you like it or not, Doc, you’re accepting it. Consider it a parting gift.”
Ratio instantly forgets how Aventurine copped a feel. “Parting?”
His best friend clicks his tongue. “Yeah, I might’ve told a little white lie before.” He curls one long lock of his hair around his finger, drawing Ratio’s gaze right to it. “They’re not infesting my penthouse, no, not really. I do need you to be a babysitter, though.” He hurriedly mumbles, “I’ll be out of the realm for a week or so.”
Ratio, ever astute, catches it with his owlish senses. “For a week ? You— You’re heading to Capital of Passion , aren’t you? After I explicitly told you not to? Do you have even the faintest idea of what awaits you?”
“See, this is why I was keeping my mouth shut.” Aventurine pouts and whines like a toddler while Ratio puffs up during his tirade, words spilling from him
“It’s a dangerous planet with a completely maniacal infrastructure. One misstep and you will end up a bloody splat in the underbelly of an incompetent cyberware society.”
“ Uh-huh .”
Ratio deeply sighs. “You’re as stubborn as you are charming.”
While Aventurine preens at the compliment, Ratio ushers him along with a well-placed palm on the smooth curve of his lower back. “Your pets may begin crying if you stay too long. Leave now so I can be free of migraines this evening.”
“And you call me dramatic?” Aventurine lingers by the doorway, giving him a longing glance. “Just take care of them, that’s all I ask.”
“It shall be done. No need for concerns,” Ratio replies.
Aventurine steps aside, but doesn’t move any further. Hesitation clutches him and he can’t help but extend his goodbyes. “Take care of yourself, too.”
Ratio rewards him a saccharine, yet subtle twitch of his lips. “Will do. As for you, if you do fall, try not to land on your face.”
“Aeon forbid you won’t have a pretty boy to look at anymore!”
With a priggish eye roll, Ratio shuts the door on him. He turns back to confront his plethora of pets, who glisten and glimmer under the soft ceiling lighting. They’re cute, yes, and harmless— more than described to him.
This can’t be that hard of a babysitting duty, right?
❉ ❉ ❉
(( ✆ INCOMING VIDEO CALL — DR. RATIO ))
… 02 : 37 : 59 …
(( VIDEO CALL ENDED ))
❉ ❉ ❉
Ratio hears a click, a beep, then the whoosh of his front door opening. Although the critters immediately straighten up and watch the foyer for this intruder, Ratio knows exactly who it is; and is relieved rather than afraid. Aventurine pops up from around the corner, and the choir begins to sing.
“Bureen! Bureen!”
“Chureen!”
“Chureen !”
“Achooreen!”
Aventurine fawns over their tiny cries. “Oh my!”
The critters bumble up to him and threaten to knock him down. Aventurine giggles and allows them to do so, trying to hug them equally. Save for one critter, who’s perched on Ratio’s shoulder and nestled in between him and the pillows on his couch.
“Polite of you to send me a heads-up before your arrival, Aventurine.” Of course, Aventurine ignores him and indulges in the sweet kisses his pets give him. Ratio pays the cuddly scene no mind, except he wears a soft, small smile.
He taps the tablet with his electronic chalk to retrieve his student’s attention, and once it works, he continues the lesson, “Now, the order of operations changes when parentheses are involved. You will always solve the problems inside parentheses first, then you follow the normal order.”
“Are you teaching that poor baby math!?” Aventurine shoots up from the floor and stomps toward Ratio. He leans over him and peers at the tablet screen. “These cakes have the privilege of living with the elite of the IPC, and you’re making it solve equations? You are a cruel man, Veritas Ratio!”
Ratio scoffs. “Ever the theatrical one, aren’t you? Besides, Biscotti and Sesame share my love for mathematics.”
“ Biscotti and Sesame ?”
“Well, yes.”
Aventurine flicks his eyes from catcake to catcake, wondering who’s who. Ratio entertains him and gestures with his shoulder. “This is Biscotti. Sesame is on the edge over there.”
Aventurine breaks into a weary smile when he spots Sesame; he waves at him, with little response. How strange. He turns back to Ratio and Biscotti huddled up on the couch, his heart performing Olympic-level backflips.
“Now, which is the correct answer? Answer A, 29, or answer B, 27?”
“ Mep .”
Ratio sucks air in through his teeth. “Very close, and I understand why you would come to that conclusion. Unfortunately, that is incorrect.”
Aventurine sits on his haunches next to the couch, resting his elbows on the cushions as he gazes up at Ratio, and tickles Biscotti’s paw. “Aren’t you going to ask how my trip was?”
“If there were hiccups or something of note, you’d have said it already.”
“Touché.” Aventurine chews on his bottom lip, then continues, “I’m too tired and don’t feel like taking the train over to my penthouse. Mind if I join the sleepover?”
Ratio still doesn’t spare a glance as he scribbles on the tablet. Biscotti’s huge cinnamon eyes are captivated by the numbers, following each line like it was a laser pointer. “You know better than to ask.”
Aventurine grins and pats Ratio’s arm before standing up and skipping along to Ratio’s master bedroom. The shower runs while Ratio teaches Biscotti the language of equations and long division— the poor kitty has yet to get a right answer, but its heart is in the right place. Besides, it earns a treat, no matter what!
The overflowing steam flavored apple mixed with citrusy musk tells Ratio that his best friend didn’t bother to unload his luggage, and used his soaps instead. Just as well, Aventurine eventually skips back into the living room wearing a satin blouse pilfered from Ratio’s wardrobe; and only the blouse.
Ratio admires his bare legs and scoots over on the couch to make room for Aventurine who struts like he owns the place. He fits in the puzzle of the company, and gently rests his head on Biscotti’s plush back. Sesame crawls over, and so does another pinkish white catcake aptly named Rosie Q., courtesy of Aventurine.
“Are you interested in lessons, free of charge?” Ratio murmurs, trying to abstain from admiration.
Aventurine, playing with Rosie Q. by swatting at her eager paws, chuckles. “Yeah, actually.” When Ratio’s eyebrows rise, Aventurine laughs harder. “I didn’t sleep great on my trip, and your lessons always do the trick. So, thanks in advance, Daddy .”
“You’re an absolute buffoon.”
Aventurine only smiles, hugging Rosie and Sesame to his abdomen while he leans into Ratio’s broad shoulders. Ratio braves on with lessons that are lost on his audience, but the latter would prefer his lectures over the silence. The comforting cuddles, the fruity aroma, and Aventurine’s steady breathing soon has the critters asleep, leaving Ratio last to set aside the tablet and wrap himself up in the embrace of his newfound family.