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Barry's life didn't slip into place as easily as he'd like. He realized pretty quickly that hiding his super powers from David would be hard. They talked a little about Starling City, but the whole thing with Clyde Mardon's return had them both busy.
Barry spent more time at star labs than he did anywhere else. He'd been surprised when neither Cisco or Caitlin seemed to know David or if he visited. Especially when Caitlin helped out at the precinct. The thought that David had not visited him crossed his mind. Barry was a little hurt. But it could have been a misunderstanding.
So much had happened, that he was mostly rolling along with things. If he thought too much about the time he lost, it made him sad and kind of angry. Barry just felt like his whole life was on unstable ground.
Because he was trying to figure everything out, he wasn't staying with David. Given how busy they were, it was hard to get more than one night together. Barry when things were unstable always reached for the things that never changed in his life and this was Iris and Joe.
When he was with David, the older man seemed content to let things happen at Barry's pace. He never pushed Barry for more. It might have been a response to the fight they'd had. Maybe it was David showing Barry that he cared about more than work. And he knew Barry had a lot to adjust to. Barry appreciated it, but sometimes it meant he didn't know where he stood. And for some reason he didn't want to ask directly.
Especially given the physical side of their relationship had cooled down, mostly because Barry couldn't stop vibrating and that was a dead give away. David seemed to take it in stride, no doubt blaming it on the coma. At least Barry hoped that was the case. But those first few weeks a distance appeared. Before the coma, David would have always pulled Barry to his side when they sat together, now David left more and more space.
Iris was dating Eddie Thawne and Barry was having a lot of feelings about it. Iris and his feelings for her had been a stalwart presence in his life for so many years. That it was scary to think about moving in from them.
“Have you told Joe?” he asked, they'd gone round on circles for a while.
“No,” she said with a frown, “and you're not going to either.”
“I don't like keeping things from him,” Barry protested, knowing full well this was a bold statement. “You should be honest with him.”
Iris wasn't impressed, hands on her hips, she scoffed, “that's rich coming from a man with a secret marriage.”
The mention of David was like cold water being thrown on him. He was reminded he was married and this sudden bout of jealousy was not appropriate. David already had reservations about Iris that Barry was painfully aware of. But knowing the feelings were irrational didn't make them go away.
His friendship with Iris was strange and complicated. He'd long accepted she'd never see him in a romantic light. But that didn't change the depth of feelings. He'd loved her for so long that it was part of his core being. And now someone else was taking his place.
Thankfully Barry was saved from a response he didn't have by his phone ringing. He didn't want to think about Eddie. He didn't want to think about David. He didn't want to untangle the years-long knot of feelings.
Joe needed him at a crime scene, and later Barry could shove this down and just decide it all came down to not liking or trusting Eddie. Nothing too complicated. And nothing to address.
Barry didn't realize that he was a little short with Eddie and Joe. They chalked it up to being busy. But he was just irritated. That stayed with him when he realized he was late to meet David for dinner and the older man hadn't called or texted him to see where he was. David had been off work that day.
He ran to David's place trying to keep his annoyance down. He had a key so he didn't knock. David was on the phone when Barry walked into the kitchen. David smiled at him but stayed in his conversation. Barry, trying not to eavesdrop, went to the living room to try to relax. He was just tense and jittery.
Eventually David finished his phone call. And came to sit on the other side of the dog, didn't greet Barry with a kiss or hug. Things that had been commonplace before the coma.
“Did you want to order in or go out?”
“Doesn't matter,” Barry shrugged. Eventually they got around to ordering in and putting on a movie. Barry had barely given David anything to respond to when David tried to talk to him. The gulf between them on the couch seemed to grow with every monosyllabic answer he had.After eating and halfway through the movie David went to the kitchen for a few minutes and came back with a beer and sat down even further away. The dog had abandoned them due to the tension in the room.
“Bad day at work?”
“It was fine.”
“Then what's got you so irritated?”
“I'm not, just watching a movie.”
David didn't ask anything after that. Eventually the silence got to Barry, he asked, “do you know Iris was dating Eddie?”
David sighed, and Barry could practically hear him roll his eyes, “of course, that's what got you so annoyed.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing,” David said and they lapsed back into silence.
Later before they fell asleep, Barry pulled close to David, knowing he shouldn't have taken his mood out of David. “I'm sorry.”
“I know,” David said, pressing a kiss to Barry's temple. Barry could tell he wanted to say more and before the coma he would have. Instead he just held Barry and let sleep overtake him. Barry stayed awake staring at the ceiling for longer than he wanted to.
Barry tried to keep his feelings in check. He had a lot to do at star labs and work, so it was easy to ignore. Barry was pretty sure he'd kept his dislike of Eddie hidden.
After several adventures as the Flash Barry was feeling pretty confident. Work was sometimes tricky, but superspeed made it easy to sneak out. He knew David would be annoyed if he found out Barry was skipping out too much, but Barry figured he had to do it. And at least things were getting done.
He was at David's house waiting for David to finish work for the day. They'd planned on dinner and a movie at David's. Barry was trying to focus on his relationship with David. Because things were still awkward.
Some of it was readjusting after his coma.
Some of it was David maintaining extra space between them.
Some of it was Barry's struggle with his emotions.
Things were a little scattered and Barry's life felt like a blur. He was missing some forms for work and he sent a text to David, asking him if he'd left some insurance forms at David's. David didn't know but advised Barry to check his office at the house. Any documents usually found their way there.
Barry slipped into the office. He'd not spent a lot of time in David's home office. Sometimes when David was on call he'd spend a good part of his day there. Since his breakup with Rob, David had been making a conscious effort not to bring his work home, and to not stay too late.
David's desk was pretty clean, and Barry didn't see the forms on top. He sat in David's chair and went through the drawers and he didn't find the insurance form. Instead in the bottom drawer he found an envelope from Mark's law firm.
It was addressed to him and David and had been opened. There was a pit in Barry's stomach as he looked at it. He sat it on the desk and bit his lip. After a few agonizing seconds he gave into his curiosity. It wasn't snooping, Barry figured, it was addressed to him.
He felt cold and like the breath had been knocked out of him. It was divorce papers. They were unsigned, but that didn't change what they were. And the date on them was the day after his return from Starling City. That fight flashed through his mind again. His hands shook and for once it had nothing to do with his powers. His mind went blank as he shoved the papers back into the envelope. He put them back where he found them. And the first thought he had was ‘that explains the distance’. What he didn't know was why David hadn't served him with the papers.
Barry felt sick.
When David got home about an hour later Barry had composed himself, he couldn't let on that he knew. He could fix this.
David frowned when he saw Barry laying on the couch, “you okay?”
“Yeah, just tired.”
“I brought Chinese,” David said as he set the paper bag down on the coffee table. Barry sat up and made room for David to sit next to him. And they ate in relative silence as David put the news on.
Things were strange for the next few weeks. Barry and Iris had fought about her blog and made up. Eddie had been shot and Barry lost and regained his powers. David remained a little distant and Barry knew he was pulling back. Joe had tried to talk with him about Eddie and David but Barry had no desire to.
Things were so complicated
He'd spent some time on the phone with Felicity talking about it. And always wound up tangled in feelings he didn't understand or want to admit. If he had to choose, he wanted David, but he didn't think the choice was his. But he also had to let go of the past and accept that his best friend wasn't replacing him with Eddie. But that was easier said than done.
And then the Arrow came to town and things were going to come to a head whether anyone wanted them to or not.
Barry had worked through his tangled emotions. He'd been forced to when confronted by the fact that David might divorce him. It didn't change the fact that he was jealous of Eddie. That was a tangle that was wrapped up in the complicated nature of his friendship with Iris. But Barry at this point didn't think it mattered. Because it was only a matter of time.
David could sense Barry drifting away from him. And he knew that sometime was going on in Barry's life that he was being kept out of. Now that Barry was awake, he wasn't in the loop as far as Barry's health. And it amongst other things were stressing him out. That and the distance that was growing between him and Barry. Once he realized how jealous Barry was of Eddie, the hope he'd had when Barry recovered had evaporated. He'd given Barry space to process things, but it only got worse as the weeks went by.
Once the rainbow rider's effect had worn off. After Iris rushed to Eddie's side. And knowing Singh would soon give his permission for the task force. Joe felt he needed to touch base with Barry about everything that had been happening in his personal life. The Flash stuff was as under control as it could be. Which wasn't saying much.
Before Barry could slip off once Caitlin cleared him, Joe swung his arm around his foster son's shoulder.
“How about we grab something to eat, Bar,” Joe said, steering the young man towards the exit.
Joe insisted on driving them, he wasn't in the mood for being zipped around the city. It had been a hell of a day. There wasn't much open, so he pulled into a big belly burger near his neighborhood. He convinced Barry to stay at his place instead of his apartment. The last thing he thought Barry needed was to be alone.
Joe waited until Barry scarfed down his first burger and fries before he spoke. He'd been concerned for a few weeks about Barry. Looking back, on the time before the coma and after Vegas, he could recognize the change in Barry. And now he was watching Barry and David pull away from each other and it was probably when Barry needed him the most.
Joe wasn't blind, he knew Barry had a crush on David and had since he started at the CCPD. The problem was Barry's feelings for Iris. Joe was pretty sure it had shifted over the last year. As Barry grew closer to David, he seemed to let go of Iris. But then after the coma, after becoming the Flash, Barry clung to the familiar.
And with the addition of Iris having a serious boyfriend. It was the perfect storm and Joe didn't know how it would play out.
“Are you trying to blow up your marriage?” Joe asked, “because between today and your jealousy over Eddie you're well on track.”
“It's not like it matters, it's basically already over,” Barry muttered.
Joe felt his brow furrow, that didn't seem right. He and David had talked a lot about David's feelings in the last few months. David was reticent on a good day and Joe knew that had affected his relationships in the past. But his feelings for Barry were obvious to Joe. He'd known David for years and Barry didn't have all that insight.
Barry confided in Joe that he didn't think David cared enough to maintain. He didn't think David had visited him during his coma. And considering their fight beforehand.
“Son, why don't you think David went to see you?”
“He didn't seem to recognize Caitlin, and Cisco didn't know when I asked.”
“They weren't there all day,” Joe said. “David went to see you. Not everyday he's too busy, but he was there most mornings.”
“Really,” Barry asked, trying not to get his hopes up. He chewed on his lip before eating another burger.
“Yeah, ask Wells, he was there mostly in the mornings,” Joe said after sipping at his drink. “and that should tell you a lot about David's feelings. As he really doesn't like Wells.”
Barry felt a small bit of relief. He'd had a knot in his stomach everytime he he thought about David. And he thought about David a lot.
“That may be so, but he still wants a divorce.”
Joe nearly choked on a fry, that definitely wasn't right. David was convinced Barry was going to leave him for Iris eventually. Before this marriage, Joe might have encouraged Barry to get involved with Iris. That ship has sailed and there'd been too many broken hearts for him to even consider that these days.
“When did he say that?”
“He didn't, not yet,” Barry muttered.
“Then how do you know?”
“Because he drew up divorce papers.”
“When?”
“We got in a fight after Starling City,” Barry said, feeling jittery with nerves. He wanted to run laps.
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“Oh god no, I can't do that,” Barry's eyes widened almost comically large and if this conversation wasn't so serious Joe would have laughed.
Joe sighed, “that's your problem neither you or David are talking. You're convinced hes going to leave you so your pulling away and he's convinced your going to leave him because of your jealousy over Eddie.”
“What… I'm not…”
“Barry,” Joe's tone was stern, “you can lie to yourself, don't lie to me.”
Barry didn't take Joe's advice, not right away. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't know if he wanted to know. Had David always thought they were doomed? He knew David had complicated feelings about Barry's complicated feelings. And Barry's were complicated.
Before the accelerator explosion, he'd thought he was moving on from Iris. The more time he spent with David the more he wanted to be with David. But the lack of proper communication still hung over them. And once Barry woke from his coma, he knew he wasn't processing things well. He wasn't talking about things. Not with Joe, Iris, or David. And his new friends at star labs, didn't know the whole story. So it was easy to just avoid talking about his feelings.
He was, again if he was honest with himself, jealous of Eddie. He didn't know why. It wasn't just romantic, the friendship he had with Iris felt like it had shifted. Eddie was being paramount and that was normal, but it hadn't ever really happened for either of them before.
Barry was trying to figure out if he was holding on to his past, his feelings for Iris, to avoid thinking about the future. David and how simply terrifying that was. David could hurt him in a way that no one Barry dated in college could. Because Barry was invested. He liked David, he might be a little in love with David. David was woven into multiple parts of his life.
A life that felt at times like it was slipping away or changing faster than he wanted it to. He'd been in a coma for nine months and the Central City and her citizens had changed irrevocably in that time. Barry didn't like to think about how long nine months is.
There were times he felt like nothing had changed and then someone would mention something, a movie or show he'd missed. A song he'd heard for the first time that they could stand because it was overplayed during his coma. The look on Joe or David's face when Fred's name came up during a case. He didn't know how to talk about his feelings because he had so many. He clung so hard to Iris and Joe because they were safe and stalwart. Until they weren't. Then he foundered.
Instead of going home to David and asking his husband about the papers. Barry let himself get caught up with star labs. He let himself get drawn into Cisco Caitlin's trip to Starling City. He wanted some time. He knew Joe was right; he needed to talk to David. He just didn't want to lose this.
After assisting the Arrow and him and Oliver setting up some boundaries and figuring out the two of them could work together. They all were heading out to dinner when David called Barry.
Barry was pretty sure David had a preternatural ability to call right when Barry was doing something he'd disapprove of. It was one of their first calls since the rainbow raider incident, they'd talked a little, and texted a lot, but they hadn't occupied the same space since.
“David,” Barry said, stepping away from the group.
“Hey, I'm not catching you at a bad time?”
“No, not really,” Barry tried to sound reassuring, but his heart was pounding.
“I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner and maybe a movie?”
Barry's world paused and after a beat too long, “I can't, I'm already out with friends.”
“Ah,” David said, and then he paused for longer than Barry could stand, “I'll see you tomorrow then?”
“Yeah,” Barry said, they said their goodbyes and Barry stood there for a few moments trying to get his heart under control.
“Everything okay,” Felicity asked as she slipped her arm into his.
“Yeah,” Barry said, knowing he didn't sound certain, “I just didn't tell David I was out of town.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked quietly.
“Not yet,” Barry said and he tried to ignore his emotions and enjoy his night.
Barry made sure he was at work on time the next day. Things were still a little awkward at the station. His outburst while under the metas influence had been the talk of the station. His marriage to David hasn't been a secret since his coma, and so all the gossips amongst his coworkers were having a field day for the last week.
He stayed holed up in his lab for most of the day. He was disappointed when David didn't stop up at his lab before lunch.
David's office light was off when Barry went down for lunch. Barry frowned and felt the distance between them keenly. He shook it off and ran to star labs.
He'd done some testing with Caitlin and Wells. And after as he was eating the new calorie bars Cisco made for him he nervously asked Wells about David visiting.
Wells frowned, “Yeah he was here in the mornings, it was pretty quiet but I think he usually had his coffee with you. Why?”
Barry rubbed the back of his neck, “no reason, I just wasn't sure if he'd visited.”
“Marriage troubles?” Wells asked, he himself had been trying to figure out what effects this change in the timeline has on him.
Barry shrugged, “I was just wondering, we don't really talk about my coma.”
“You haven't told him about your powers have you?”
Barry shook his head, “no.”
“Good,” Wells said before talking some more about why it was important to keep his secret. Barry listened, but inside he was feeling a little better, calmer about David. Maybe the divorce papers didn't actually mean anything. But Barry did hate keeping his powers from David and he knew on some level that and his refusal to deal with his emotions were pushing David away. Even if David didn't know why. They both needed to communicate.
Barry got back to work just in time to see David leaving the office again. David smiled softly as Barry left the elevator he was entering. Barry cursed to himself as he bounded up the steps.
He resolved to talk to David as soon as he could. He needed to clear the air. He wanted to be on the same page as David.
He just wanted David.