Chapter Text
Dad was worse.
Or maybe I was worse.
Or maybe both.
I don't know, but everything was just terrible.
And I felt like I was stopping feeling anything.
Because now I just felt an emptiness inside me.
And I was nothing more than a body existing.
I tried to motivate myself. I tried to keep going.
Really, I tried.
But I couldn't feel anything anymore.
And my life was already over.
I couldn't make new friends. I couldn't fall in love again. I couldn't have any other interests.
I couldn't think of anything but Wonu hyung.
Was he okay? Was he angry with me because I liked him? Or did he like me too and was sad that I left?
Was I the cause of his sadness?
Or worse, was I the cause of his disgust?
I'd give anything to know that. seriously.
To know how he's doing. If he's moved on with his life.
To know how Seungcheol hyung is doing.
I'd give anything to feel something again.
Mom seems to have noticed that I'm not well, she's been trying to distract me.
She even bought a Queen t-shirt without my dad knowing.
A few months ago, I would have been happy, but now I just smile and say thank you.
Dad also seems to have noticed that I'm not doing well, but he told me to become a man and stop being rude.
Is that how he intended to help me?
It got to the point where I didn't feel like doing anything.
I didn't eat, I didn't go to school, I didn't go out.
I was just living, waiting to die.
And I decided to end it soon.
Because I couldn't take it anymore.
Forgive me, Wonwoo.
I don't regret what I did, but I hope you didn't die with me.
I hope you meet new people and fall in love with someone who will make you very happy.
Because I couldn't.
One day it was around 1:46AM. when I jumped out of my bedroom window and went for a walk.
It was cold and I was in my pajamas, but even the cold didn't make me feel anything.
I knew what I was going to do, and I didn't even leave a letter behind.
I walked out. I discovered that my neighborhood was very beautiful at dawn.
Very scary too.
And very deserted.
I walked to a nearby highway.
And I waited patiently.
I waited until I saw a car.
At the end of the road, I could see a white car coming at high speed, probably because the driver thought there would be no one there.
And I watched. I watched patiently.
Because I wasn't in a hurry.
When the car was close enough that the driver didn't have time to brake, I stepped into the street.
And I smiled for the first time in months.
And I thought of Wonwoo.
And smiled some more.
And then I heard the horn. I saw the car light. I heard the driver shouting.
And I felt one of the greatest pains of my life.
But only for a few seconds, because soon I stopped feeling anything at all.
And for a few milliseconds, when my body was falling to the ground, I felt happiness again.
And that was the end of my story - and not just my love story. It was the end of my whole story.