Chapter Text
“Where are we going?” Neil asks when he gets into the passenger seat of Kevin’s car.
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
“Why did I specifically have to not wear shorts?”
“You’ll see.”
“Hm.” Neil looks at Kevin suspiciously. “I think you just don’t appreciate my shorts.”
“I appreciate… some of your shorts. The orange running ones, for example.”
Neil huffs, putting his seatbelt on.
“Especially now that I’m allowed to appreciate your legs,” Kevin says, starting the car.
“Whoever said you weren’t allowed?”
“Didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“But eye fucking my mouth was acceptable?”
“Shut up. As if you weren’t trying to get me to look at your mouth.”
“It didn’t require much trying, to be honest.” Neil catches Kevin’s wrist as he reaches across to shove Neil’s leg. “Eyes on the road, Day.”
“Never looked away from the road. Give me that back.” Kevin tries to pull his hand back, but Neil’s got a two handed grip on his forearm.
“No. It’s mine now.”
“Neil. I need both hands on the wheel.”
“Okay, pussy.” Neil releases Kevin’s hand. Kevin quickly puts it back on the steering wheel.
“Being a safe driver doesn’t make me a pussy.”
“Yeah it does.” Neil puts the window down. He hangs his arm out as they drive. “Are we going far?”
“A bit.”
“And I don’t get any clues?”
“Nope.”
“Hm. Okay.”
Kevin risks a glance over at Neil. He’s smiling, a small, content angle to his mouth. Relaxed back in the seat, the breeze blowing through the window ruffling his hair. Lit by the evening sunlight, he looks beautiful. All warm light emphasising his already warm tones. Kevin looks back to the road, but the image of Neil is burned into his mind’s eye. He can’t help his own small, secret smile.
Neil’s silence doesn’t last. If Kevin’s learned one thing about him, it’s that he loves to talk. The comfortable lull stretches for a few minutes, and then Neil is pushing himself up to sit straighter, and telling Kevin about the worst customers he’s had at the shop lately. As it turns out, you get a lot of bad customers in a coffeeshop. From people who don’t know how to order, so they order the wrong drinks and then get angry at Neil for making what they said, to people who lose their temper if it takes more than thirty seconds to make their drink.
“Like oh, yes, sure, I understand. I should just be the little teapot, able to spit boiling water into your cup on demand. Fuck off.”
“I thought you said you were enjoying it?”
“I am! I love confrontation.”
That surprises a laugh out of Kevin. He can see Neil beaming from his peripheral vision. Jean and Kevin have thankfully fostered quite a nice customer base for the shop, though they do have issues with people who are not regulars sometimes, especially around the holidays.
“I once had a man try to return a book because he didn’t like the ending,” Kevin says. “Loved the rest of it. So much he’d heavily annotated the book. But wanted a refund because the ending disappointed him? Get fucked.”
They trade stories back and forth, though Kevin prefers to listen while he’s driving, giving Neil more space to talk. Neil is happy to take this space, because he always has plenty to say. It’s nice, not feeling the pressure to uphold his side of the conversation. Before, Kevin thought Neil constantly hogging the attention in conversations was so conceited, but actually, he enjoys not having to make all the prompting sounds and expected response lines. It’s kind of like listening to one of his podcasts as he drives. Kevin fears he is now going to start having fresh revelations about everything he found annoying about Neil previously. Each small trait realigning itself into something charming instead. Fuck.
“There’s no game on tonight,” Neil says, sitting up when Kevin pulls into the ice rink car park. “And that would be terribly uninventive, just stealing my idea.”
“I was the one that wanted to go to the game first,” Kevin says, and lo and behold, Neil has not magically lost the ability to annoy him. He can be annoying and also incredibly kissable at the same time. Versatile king. “But no. There’s no game. Come on.”
He takes off his seat belt and gets out of the car. Neil bolts out a second later, jogging around the car to Kevin’s side, curious eyes roving over the building. God. Kevin hopes Aaron is right about this. It’s definitely something that would have worked on Kevin, to be taken on this date, but Aaron knows Kevin a lot better than he knows Neil. He knows Katelyn a lot better. Just because he’s good at coming up with date ideas for them, doesn’t mean his idea will work for Neil. Though Kevin wouldn’t be trying it if he didn’t believe in the potential.
It’s only once they’re inside that Neil realises they’re going ice skating. He looks up at Kevin with a grin. Teeth bared, eyes creased, head tilted a bit to the right. Something in Kevin relaxes at the confirmation Neil likes this. Fuck. He’s so pretty when he smiles. Kevin’s allowed to stare at it now. Admire every crease and wrinkle and line his face makes when his mouth stretches open in joy like that. Gaze into the cool pools of his eyes. Not flinch away when Neil looks back.
“I bet I’m better at this than you,” Neil says, as they pull on their skates. “I bet you fall on your ass.”
“Fuck off. You're supposed to be nice to your date.”
“You’ve taken me on the date. You have to be nice to me.”
“It goes both ways.”
“Oh, well.” Neil gets onto his feet carefully, balancing on the blades. “I don’t have much experience dating so I don’t know rules like that. Therefore, eat my dust, bitch.”
Neil walks on Bambi legs to the rink and steps onto the ice, slowly pushing off the side. Kevin watches him, unsteady but unfaltering, so fearless as he throws himself into something new. Now that Kevin’s feet are actually inside the skates he’s starting to feel apprehensive about this whole endeavour. He’s thirty years old. He’s not sure his back can endure a hard fall on the ice. Kevin slid on ice back home when he was fourteen and whacked his ass so hard that his tailbone was painful for a month. More embarrassingly, this fall was directly outside his school. He’d jumped up so quickly the vice principal had come rushing to check on him.
“Are you okay, Kevin? That looked like a mighty fall, so it did,” she said.
“I’m fine,” Kevin grit out, affronted to have attention drawn to him.
“You bounced up quare and quick there, so you did. Can be a shock when you hit yourself a bang, you know. You don’t always feel it right away. You sure you’re alright?”
“Fine,” Kevin repeated, flustered, feeling the threat of tears from embarrassment. She’d relented and let him go, and he was relieved at least no one in his year had seen him. At least until he walked into his classroom and Ciaran Deasey, the absolute cunt who Kevin constantly got stuck with because they were beside each other alphabetically on the register, stood up on his chair and yelled: “Kevin! We saw you fall out the window.”
He thought his battered pride had been the worst injury of that fall, but the next day his tailbone had been hot and pulsing. Sitting down on the plastic school chairs had been unpleasant for weeks, and the wooden stools in the science labs a particular kind of torture.
So yeah. Kevin’s not thrilled at the idea of a potential fall. He probably should have considered this beforehand.
He’s much more hesitant in following Neil onto the ice, clinging to the side as he slowly puts one foot on the rink. He tests his stability on that one foot. It does not feel very stable. Kevin starts to have doubts. He shifts his weight towards the foot on the ice and, when it slides forward, he clings even more desperately to the side wall. Neil skates back to him, not quite what Kevin would consider fluid, but he’s moving and remaining upright. That’s more than Kevin has achieved.
“Come on. Let go of the side.”
“I don’t want to fall.”
“The more you tense up, the more likely you are to fall.”
“Fuck off,” Kevin says, because obviously he knows that. Logic does not stop fear. Neil holds his hands out. “You’re going to pull me out and let me go.”
“No I’m not.” Neil’s grinning like he absolutely was planning that though. Shaking, Kevin takes one of his hands. Neil closes his fingers around Kevin’s. He opens and closes his other hand in silent demand. With a small huff, Kevin takes it too, bending forward as he leans into Neil. They both slide across the ice, Neil backwards, Kevin towards him. Neil twists his feet slightly and they spin in a semi circle.
“I don’t like this.”
“You’re fine. You’re doing good, Kevin.”
Oh. Kevin does like that though. He likes Neil telling him he’s doing good. He tries to straighten his stance, but that means moving his hands away from Neil’s. He puts one on his shoulder instead.
“Do you want to try moving?”
“No.”
“Tough shit, we’re doing it anyway.” Neil starts to move his feet. Kevin makes an alarmed sound and clutches onto him, almost throwing them both off balance. Somehow Neil gets them steadied again, and with slow, halting movements, Kevin follows Neil as he starts to move around the edge of the rink. “Watch my feet. Like this.”
Kevin finds it hard to do it like Neil, because the difference is that Kevin is afraid. Neil doesn’t seem afraid at all. However, as they do a couple of laps, Kevin gradually grows more confident. Neil has gotten in his stride now, moving a rhythm with his legs that has him propelling forward with small, measured glides. Kevin kind of hates that Neil is better than him at this, but he also finds it wildly attractive how easily Neil seems to have picked it up. Kevin is very into competency. He had not, until this moment, considered Neil very competent, with his constant job hopping and dressing like he’s fallen out of a charity shop bargain bin. He realises now that Neil probably is quite competent, considering how independent he is. He came from England alone, with no family, no nearby support until he reconnected with Jean by chance. Kevin’s been judging Neil’s life by his own measure of success, when he wouldn’t be able to do half the things Neil does.
Kevin is always having to lean on someone. He’s just fortunate he’s ended up in a job he loves, because if he were stuck in something he hated, he’s not sure he’d be brave enough to give up the familiarity and routine to try something new. Kevin clutches to stability like a lifeline, while Neil trusts himself enough to let go of something if it’s no longer serving him. Kevin’s always assumed that was a lack of commitment, but viewing Neil through a lens that isn’t purposefully spiteful, Kevin can see the courage that takes.
Neil moves suddenly, throwing an arm out in front of Kevin as he tugs on Kevin’s other arm. It’s not enough to reroute Kevin. He slams against the protective plexiglass surrounding the rink, so busy marvelling at Neil that he had not been looking where he was going. Well. That’s humiliating.
“Are you okay?” The sentiment would be more believable coming from Neil if he could stop laughing, his words coloured with amusement. Kevin glares at him, reaching up to rub his throbbing nose. He is very much not okay, no thanks to Neil. Who… did try to stop him. Okay, fair enough. “Here. Let me see.”
Neil tugs at Kevin’s wrist. The motion unsteadies Kevin, and he clutches Neil’s forearm from fear of slipping. Neil touches his jaw, fingers moving lightly over Kevin’s skin, and the throbbing pulse of Kevin’s nose is echoed by his heart. Neil gently works his thumbs up either side of Kevin’s nose. It doesn’t feel great, but the sting is not so sharp he pulls away. Neil’s eyes are focused on him, assessing. He gives a small nod.
“You’ll live.” Neil’s hands slide down, lingering at the sides of Kevin’s neck. He keeps his face upturned towards him. Slowly, giving Neil time to draw away if Kevin has read the signs wrong, he leans down. Neil does not pull away. He meets Kevin in a surprisingly sweet kiss; soft and lingering. After a moment, Neil moves away. He skates backwards from Kevin, letting go of his hand. “Come catch me.”
Neil is careful as he turns, then he zooms off down the rink, skating faster than he’s had the chance to with Kevin. Kevin’s body trembles, a fear shiver running through him as he is abandoned alone, but he has more confidence than when he first stepped on the ice. He’s made it this far, after all. He’s also motivated by the desire to get away from the few people standing outside of the rink who had front row seats to Kevin just absolutely faceplanting into the plexiglass. Affronting.
His journey down the rink is much slower than Neil’s, shaky and unsure, though by the time he gets to the far side he’s moving much smoother. He supposes that was probably Neil’s intention. Prompt Kevin into moving on his own to prove he can do it. Neil looks over his shoulder and grins when he sees Kevin. He tries to do a spin, but one of his legs slides out from under him and he crashes down.
“Neil!” Kevin realises he doesn’t know how to stop without crashing into something, and so when he tries to skate to Neil’s assistance, he just glides past him. He stops with a hand to the side rather than his face this time, glancing back towards Neil. There’s a sharp tug of concern in Kevin’s stomach until he sees Neil is laughing.
“Shit,” Neil says. “Oh well. Would have been cool if I pulled that off.”
He rolls over onto his knees, hands against the ice and feet sliding as he tries to get his skates under him again. It takes him several tries and another half fall before he finally gets to his feet. He wipes his hands on his thighs and skates over to Kevin.
“You fell,” Kevin says.
“I did. It was pretty funny.” Neil grins. Kevin’s still frowning. “It was just a bump. See? All good. Shall we try racing again?”
Kevin’s body is aching by the time they leave, muscles that are not often employed in the way skating demands flaring up in complaint. He had a surprising amount of fun though, after he got over the his fear. Ironically it was Kevin having his own fall that got him over the worst of it. Like Neil said, just a bump. Unpleasant, but not the end of the world. Neil fell twice more, but that’s because he kept trying to do tricks. Kevin stuck to skating circles around the rink.
They go for ice cream afterwards, though this is at Neil’s insistence rather than Kevin’s. Despite being on the ice for the past few hours, the physical exertion means they’ve both worked up a sweat. The heavy heat of the summer evening has dispersed somewhat as they leave the rink, but it’s still warm. Neil directs them to Andrew’s favourite place, and they take their ice cream to one of the tables outside, sitting across from each other.
“That was fun,” Neil says. He’s leaning back in his chair. Kevin’s got a tub for his ice cream, but Neil is eating his from a cone. His tongue streaking out to drag along the edges. Lapping all the rivulets of melting ice cream that are starting to drip down the sides. Kevin is definitely listening to the words he is saying, yeah, uh-huh, but he’s also watching that tongue, his own ice cream falling off his little pink plastic spoon and back into the tub. He’s a bit put out they gave him a pink spoon. He wanted a red one, but felt it was somewhat childish at his big age to request a specific spoon colour. Not that he has anything against the colour pink. This is not an emasculating experience for Kevin, honestly, he’s even quite partial to pink on some things, but red is his favourite. So he wanted his red spoon. “Are you even listening to me?”
“Hm?”
Neil huffs a laugh. He twirls his cone, licking a wide swipe around the whole outside of it to stop any further drips for a while, so he can lower the cone from his mouth. Kevin finally looks back up to Neil’s eyes.
“I said we should try that again. We could probably even get everyone down. Maybe hire out some gear and have our own makeshift hockey match. Could be fun.”
“Maybe,” Kevin says, unconvinced. He’s never actually considered playing hockey since he moved. As much as the movement of the stick would probably be similar to hurling, the whole ice element would require an entirely different skill set. If Kayleigh had not died, it might have been something he looked into when he went to uni. Trinity had been his top choice initially, before he decided he actually wanted to leave Ireland, and he had looked into their clubs. Just out of interest. He knew they had an ice hockey club. Had briefly entertained the notion of Kayleigh and David coming out to see him play. Kevin feels a sudden unexpected burn behind his eyes and nose at that.
Grief, he has learned, is a weird and unpredictable beast. There are periods of time where he can think of his mother with only fondness. When he can talk about her easily. When something stirs her memory and it only prompts him to smile. These periods can stretch for months, and then, out of nowhere, like the tempestuous waters of the ocean, the winds change and the grief slices him right down to the bone. The pain of her loss as raw as if it only happened yesterday. He is right back there again, seventeen and split open down his centre. Sad and scared, with no idea how he is ever going to go on from this. Sometimes he still feels that way. The thought that he is never going to see her again, and he just has to live out the rest of his existence accepting that fact, feels utterly unbearable.
“Hey.” Neil’s brow furrows with concern. “You okay?”
Kevin nods, not quite trusting his voice. Neil shifts his chair around the table to sit closer to Kevin.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just was thinking about my mum.” Kevin swallows thickly. “She was the one that got me into hockey in the first place. I kind of thought, if I ever played, she’d be there to…”
Kevin trails off, his throat closing up around the words. He presses his lips together, looking away from Neil. It feels unbearable to make eye contact when he’s so overcome with emotion. He doesn’t look back when he feels a soft touch on his arm, but Neil gently rubs his forearm all the same.
“I get it. There’s times I can’t talk about my mother either.”
Kevin doesn’t fully know what happened with Neil’s parents. Neil has never offered the information, and it doesn’t feel like the thing to ask about. Especially when they haven’t been particularly close before. Or rather, Kevin has been holding an unnecessary grudge. He knows they passed when Neil was still quite young, and that his rich uncle took him in.
“I bet she’d have liked to see you playing. Even if you suck at it.”
Kevin huffs. He bumps his shoulder against Neil, still not looking at him. Neil leans back into the contact, head resting against Kevin’s shoulder as he licks at his ice cream cone. Slowly, Kevin lets his cheek rest against the top of Neil’s head. Neil gives a quiet hum. A soft, affirmative noise to let Kevin know that’s alright. Kevin likes that. Those small encouragements.
“I’m actually quite good with a stick.” Kevin pokes his spoon through his ice cream. “I used to play hurling.”
“You’re good with a stick, are you?” Neil tilts his head up. Kevin does look at him now. The smirk tilting his mouth is fucking filthy. Kevin doesn’t know how such a pretty face can so effortlessly shift to such a suggestive expression. Maybe it’s just him. Maybe he just wants Neil so badly, is so fiercely attracted to him, that every small change of his expression would feel amplified to Kevin.
“Mhm.” He keeps his tone dry, trying to conceal the effect Neil has on him. He brings his spoon to his mouth and closes his lips around it, mimicking Neil’s tactics with the straw. Neil’s eyes drop to Kevin’s mouth, his pupils broadening. Slow, sticky heat pools in Kevin’s stomach.
“Well, I think,” Neil says, pulling Kevin’s spoon from his mouth, licking the smear of vanilla ice cream it leaves on his lower lip away. “That date was good enough to win me over. Consider me seduced. Your place or mine? Yours is closer. Let’s go.”
“It was actually Aaron’s idea,” Kevin admits, because as much as he loves praise, it doesn’t hit the same if he doesn’t feel like he’s earned it.
“Oh, in that case, you can drop me off at Aaron’s on the way home.” Neil grins when Kevin pouts at that. He takes a big, crunchy bite out of his cone, making Kevin wait until he’s finished chewing to continue. “I’m not sure he’d appreciate my thanks the same.”
“He really wouldn’t.”
“Mm. I don’t think I would have had as much fun with him either.”
“Definitely not. He’d probably have pushed you over.”
“Not if I pushed him first.” Neil takes another bite of his cone, pushing his chair back as he stands. Kevin tilts his tub, melted ice cream pooling in the side of it. He scoops out the last few spoonfuls as Neil pops the end of the cone in his mouth. Kevin throws his tub in the bin and cleans his fingers off on a napkin. When he turns, Neil is waiting for him. The last burning orange rays of the late evening sun wash over him. Golden hour once again. This time Kevin has no hesitation about crossing to him and taking his face in his hands, leaning down to capture the cool press of his mouth. Neil is smiling before their mouths even connect. Kevin licks at the crease of his lips, and Neil parts his willingly, their kiss flavoured with ice cream sweetness.
*
Neil’s a fucking tease, and at this rate, they’re going to die in a fiery blaze before Kevin gets them home. He’s gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are pressing white against the skin. Neil is in the passenger seat, but his hand is stretched across to rest on Kevin’s thigh, creeping higher and higher. The nail of his pinkie finger keeps scraping against the inseam of Kevin’s jeans. It’s a light sensation, a tortuous tease as Neil keeps dragging it up along his inner thigh. Fuck. Kevin’s been hard for the past five minutes. He’s fighting for his life to keep his focus on the road.
“Can you not?” His voice pitches up as Neil’s hand goes even higher, his index finger ghosting against the bulge of Kevin’s cock through his jeans.
“You don’t like when I touch you?” Neil trails one finger over Kevin’s cock. Kevin’s grip on the steering wheel is so tight he fears he might rip it in half.
“Not when I’m driving,” he grits out. Neil sighs, but he does actually remove his hand.
“Skill issue.” He leans back and looks out the window, and Kevin thinks he’s going to leave it at that until they get back to Kevin’s. Neil shifts in his seat, looking around the car. Kevin wonders what he’s looking for, until Neil spreads his legs and presses his palm firmly against himself, head tilted back with a soft mmm . Okay. He was checking if anyone was close enough to see into the car. Fuck.
“Neil. Please. I don’t like being distracted when I’m driving.”
“Okay.” Neil shifts his hand onto his thigh instantly and sits up in his seat. Kevin’s surprised. He didn’t really expect Neil to listen to him. He clears his throat, feeling like the air of the car is clogged thick with tension.
“Not that I don’t appreciate the view. I would just appreciate it more when I can actually focus on you, and not, you know, trying not to kill us both. Dying with a raging erection sounds really mortifying.”
Neil laughs. He cracks the window, letting some cool air breeze into the car. He looks out the window for a moment, before turning his head back to Kevin a few seconds later.
“So what’s the plan?”
“I, uh. Was not really planning anything.”
“So you didn’t get condoms or anything?”
“No.”
“Even after earlier?”
“I didn’t want to be presumptuous!”
“That’s okay. I want to suck you off anyway.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“What? You said to stop touching myself. You didn’t say I couldn’t talk about it.”
“Neil.” Kevin’s voice comes out strained, though, thankfully, not a whine. Not yet. It’s a close thing. “Do you know how much I want to touch you?”
“No, Kevin. I don’t. Please enlighten me. In explicit detail, if you’d like.”
“So fucking bad. It is taking every last scrap of willpower I have to keep my hands on this wheel, and the moment we get in the door, I think the dam of that self control is going to crumble.”
“Oh, yeah? Then what?”
“I am going to get my hands on you and keep them there for the rest of the night.” A beat. “I mean, unless you ask me to-”
“Let's say for the sake of dirty talk you have ongoing consent. I trust you’ll stop if I don’t like anything.”
“Okay. Uh. So what do you like?” Fuck. It’s weird talking about this without finding out himself. Usually a question like that is something Kevin would breathe against his partner’s skin as he peels their clothes off. Somehow it makes his skin even more hot and tight to ask in this situation, like this is a casual conversation.
“From the wealth of my experience?” Neil laughs. “It’s been well over a decade since I’ve been with anyone sexually. I have… thoughts, but no evidence to confirm them. I suppose we’ll have to experiment. How about you?”
“I, uh. I’m versatile. I do like giving up control more often, but I can be more dominant if that’s something you want.”
“Aw. The idea of you trying to tell me what to do is adorable.”
“Fuck you.”
“Maybe if you keep behaving for me.”
Ah. There it is. The first whine clawing its way out of Kevin’s throat. It’s not so much the words alone - though they definitely send a hot jolt through his stomach - but the mounting tension in the car. How not being able to touch Neil or himself has heightened the electric feeling between them. Kevin’s skin is tingling static all over. His cock is starting to ache. All he wants to do right now is push Neil against the nearest surface and grind against his thigh to take the edge off.
“Mm. He liked that,” Neil says quietly, as if he’s talking to himself. Demeaning. To talk about Kevin like he’s not here. Hot. After a moment, he says, voice surprisingly soft: “Maybe I’d let you boss me around a bit. I’ve thought about that.”
“Really?”
“Mhm. You can be so fucking bossy sometimes, but it’s kind of hot. When you get all worked up. When your voice gets all deep and serious, expression so focused. Thought it might be nice. To have that expression aimed at me.”
Kevin doesn’t break any speed limits, but it's probably a close call. He swings his car into the sloppiest parallel parking job he’s ever done. Tugging at his jeans, Kevin readjusts himself, but his insistent erection is not going anywhere. He’s doing his slutty walk of shame before sex. Ah, inverted expectations.
“Shall we?” Neil grins, sharp and predatory. Kevin likes that. A lot.
They race to the door, breathless with giddy laughter. Neil gets there first, but Kevin has the keys. Kevin presses up against Neil’s back as he fumbles to unlock the door, Neil grinding his ass back against him and almost making him drop the keys. True to his word, the moment Kevin gets the door shut behind them, he’s pushing Neil across the hall until his back hits the wall. Neil gives a surprised oomph before Kevin’s mouth is on his, hot and insistent. He clutches at Kevin’s shoulders, thin fingers basically clawing, before he gets a hand in Kevin’s hair and pulls. Kevin moans raggedly against Neil’s mouth. Neil is trying to kick his shoes off at the same time, half hanging off of Kevin as he moves from one foot to the other. Kevin follows suit, resting a hand against the wall as he kicks his shoes behind him.
Sock clad, Kevin crouches and catches Neil behind the legs. There’s a half second where Neil freezes, recoils as if it’s an automatic response. Then he realises what Kevin is doing and uses his shoulders as purchase to help pull himself up. Kevin grips him hard beneath the thighs, grinding his hips forward against Neil as he pins him to the wall with his body. It’s even better than he imagined. Hot and close, Neil hard against his stomach and biting at his lower lip. Kevin should have guessed he would be a biter.
After a few minutes of grinding together in the hall, Kevin’s brain comes back online and he remembers he has a bed. Like, just down the corridor. And it’s much easier to grind on a bed. He secures his hold on Neil, groping his ass for good measure, before he steps away from the wall. Neil would be an easy weight for Kevin to carry if he would stop moving around, but he’s constant motion; rutting against Kevin, squeezing his legs around him, shifting in his arms, pulling his hair, scratching his back, like he wants to touch Kevin all over and he can’t settle on which to do first. Not that Kevin’s complaining. He’s just trying not to drop Neil. That could be a mood killer, and then Kevin might perish from blue balls right as he’s on the cusp of his wet dream becoming reality.
Kevin tosses Neil carelessly on the bed once they get to his room. Neil bounces with a breathless laugh. He pushes up on his elbows, watching as Kevin peels his shirt off over his head and throws it aside. Kevin undoes the button on his jeans and pushes the zip down, but he leaves them hanging on his hips for now. He doesn’t want to race ahead with this, and despite all Neil’s teasing, he doesn’t want him to feel pressured either. Kevin puts his knee on the bed, crawling forward over Neil. Neil’s hands return to his shoulders, then smooth down his chest. He watches the progress of his hands as he feels out Kevin’s pecs. He catches Kevin’s nipples between his fingers and squeezes until Kevin hisses and arches his back.
“So, uh. Heads up. I have a lot of scars,” Neil says.
“I don’t care,” Kevin says, breathless, leaning in to reclaim Neil’s slick lips. Neil lets him, leaning back against Kevin’s pillows as Kevin kisses him quite thoroughly. Neil waits until Kevin breaks for air before he continues.
“I know. It’s just. It’s a lot, and people tend to have a reaction, even if they think they know what to expect. I’m just. I’d rather warn you. And it’s okay. If you do have a reaction.”
“Neil.” Kevin catches Neil’s face in his hands, gazing into his eyes. He rocks forward against Neil’s thigh. “Feel how attracted I am to you. It doesn’t matter what’s under your shirt, and if you’re more comfortable keeping it on, that’s okay too. We can do whatever you want.”
“No. I’d rather get this out of the way.” Neil sighs. He gives Kevin’s shoulder a light push. Kevin sits back obediently, giving Neil space to grip the base of his shirt and pull it off over his head. Neil is right. Kevin thought he was prepared, but he would never have imagined the absolute carnage hidden under Neil’s clothes. His eyes flick across Neil’s torso, taking in the scars. Some are slashes, some are circles, some look like old road rash, but the worst is definitely the iron burned into his shoulder, the very fucking details of the dips and lines forever branded on Neil’s skin.
“Neil…” Kevin can’t keep the shock from his expression, but he thinks, even if he could, that maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe he wouldn’t want to. Because this is shocking. Not because of how Neil looks, but because someone did this to him in the first place. Because of what he has had to endure.
Neil’s shoulders lift towards his ears. His arms start to cross over his chest. Kevin catches his wrists. Gently, he guides Neil’s arms down, purposefully looking him in the eyes instead of at his body. Neil’s mouth thins into an unpleasant line, his eyes guarded.
“I’m not always good at saying the right thing,” Kevin starts.
“No shit.”
“So I am probably going to fuck this up, but. You don’t have to hide. You’re right. That was much more than I expected. Ah.” Kevin keeps his hold on Neil when he tries to pull away from him. “I don’t mean in a bad way to you. I just… I hate thinking of what you went through. To have these. But they don’t change anything. They don’t change you, Neil. They don’t change how I feel, or what I want. Well, a bit. In that I don’t want to fuck up with this. So. If there’s anywhere you don’t want touched. Anywhere that doesn’t feel good, or you’d just rather I avoid, let me know.”
“You can touch me wherever.” There’s a sharp edge to Neil’s voice, but Kevin can tell from his expression it’s defensive impulse rather than actual lashing out. “Sometimes they can be tight or sensitive, but I’m okay today. Some I don’t have a lot of sensation in, but I don’t care if you touch them. I just… They’re part of me, but I’m more than my scars.”
“I know.” Kevin finally releases Neil’s wrists. He leans over him, cupping his jaw, gently bringing their lips together. “I’m well aware of that.”
Neil sighs a long breath out through his nose. Some of the tension drains through his shoulders. Kevin curls an arm around his waist and eases him down onto the bed. He trails his mouth to Neil’s jaw, takes the lobe of his ear between his teeth, plays his tongue over it. Neil’s breathing deepens. Kevin moves to his throat. He mouths down the column of it, dropping hot, open mouthed kisses, frequently employing his tongue. The last of the tension drains from Neil, until he is just a loose, languid pile of longing. His nails scratch over Kevin’s shoulders before fingers tangle in his hair, direct Kevin back to his mouth.
There is a giddy thrill to how little Kevin has to contend with here. Like, yes, virginity is a construct. He gets that. He wouldn’t really care if Neil did have a high body count, but he can’t deny the possessive creature that purrs in his chest at the thought so few have had the privilege of this. That Kevin might be the first to make Neil feel good in so many ways.
He is good at this, he’s sure. It’s one place he’s eager to please. Eager to prove himself. His partners have always responded well to that. He’s also got the upper hand. Neil might have some experience with Jean, but Kevin has thorough experience with both Jean and Jeremy. Separately. Obviously. Not that he hasn’t thought about being with both of them at once. Multiple times throughout their friendship, he feels like they’ve had the perfect set up for the three of them to end up in bed together, but it’s never happened. Kevin dares not ask, would never risk his friendship with either of them or disrespect their relationship like that, but if either of them had even made the mere suggestion, Kevin would have said yes immediately. He’s only a man, okay, and the idea of getting double teamed by two of his best friends-cum-lost loves of his life is not something he was ever going to turn down, alright?
All this to say, Kevin knows how to please a man. He’s aware of this. He’s determined to showcase this to Neil. Prove himself. Prove Neil isn’t making a mistake with him. That Kevin is worth falling into bed with. That Kevin could even be worth sticking around for, if anyone would ever stay long enough to find that out.
Kevin ducks down, bumping Neil’s chin up with his head. He kisses down the front of his shoulder to his collarbone, moving across. He can feel the rise and fall of Neil’s chest. Kevin smooths his hands down his sides, mapping out his waist as he mouths along his collarbone. There is a dip behind it, just like Kevin thought there would be. He presses his tongue into it, drags it along the bone. Neil exhales softly. He takes Kevin’s wrist and guides his hand between his legs. Kevin palms at him, liking that Neil takes the initiative. Kevin knows what to do, but he’s not entirely sure what he’s allowed to do with Neil. Where he draws his lines, how fast he wants to move. Neil just prompting him before Kevin has to look for the line is incredibly helpful.
“Can I blow you?” Kevin’s voice is husky. He raises his head enough to meet Neil’s gaze. Neil nods. Kevin starts to move his hand, but Neil pushes at his wrist, grinding up against his hand. Kevin stays in place as Neil undoes his own trousers. “These coming off?”
“Yes.” Neil pulls his knees up to his chest to help Kevin peel his trousers off. Kevin is going to leave his underwear, strip him layer by layer, but Neil pushes them down as well, kicking them with abandon somewhere to the far reaches of Kevin’s bedroom. Kevin laughs, and Neil grins. They come together easier, curling into each other, amusement caught between them. Kevin squirms out of his jeans and underwear, trying not to break the kiss as he kicks them down the bed.
“There. We’re even now.”
“This feels nice.” Neil presses his body against Kevin’s, skin to skin. Kevin stretches his fingers out, runs his big hands down Neil’s narrow back.
“It does.”
Neil hooks one of his legs around Kevin’s, hiking it over his hip. Kevin smooths his palm up the back of Neil’s thigh and grips his ass, squeezing. Neil moans quietly, the noise almost lost between them, but Kevin can feel it as well as hear it. Fuck. Everything is so heady. Kevin wants to live extended in this feeling for the rest of this night. But he also, quite badly, wants to feel Neil’s cock in his mouth. Sometimes you have to prioritise your desires.
Kevin kisses his way down Neil’s body indiscriminately. It doesn’t matter if he meets skin or scar tissue, he lays each kiss sweet and firm, making a line down through Neil’s navel to rest between his legs. Kevin takes Neil’s cock in his hand, getting a feel for him. The size and the length, the shape, the weight against his palm. Neil’s hair is natural down here, just like Kevin thought, auburn curls framing his cock. Kevin likes the look of it. He likes the sparse hairs on Neil’s legs, almost too light to see, the hair on his thighs feeling fluffy beneath Kevin’s hands.
“I thought you were going to use your mouth.” Neil’s hand comes to Kevin’s hair, and he presses lightly against the back of his skull. Not enough to move Kevin, but gentle encouragement. It’s a subtle sign of dominance, but it sets Kevin ablaze from the inside.
“Patience,” he says, as if he’s not absolutely about to break at the next gentle nudging. Give Neil whatever he wants.
“I have been patient all day long.” Neil curls one leg around Kevin, pressing his heel against his back. That is the nudge that shifts the last shred of bratty resistance from Kevin. That game is fun sometimes, but he wants this too much. Gripping Neil around the base, he leans down and drags his tongue up along the length of him. Neil goes slack jawed, lashes fluttering, as Kevin laps at him again, getting him slick with his spit. “Fuck. Forgot how good that feels.”
Kevin feels a mixture of envy and arousal at the thought that Jean has done this before. Jean is good with his mouth. Or he was when Kevin was with him anyway. Patient, careful, an expert at teasing Kevin until he was right at the edge and then making him beg for release. Kevin is not always in possession of that patience, but he has passion and enthusiasm in abundance. Taking Neil in his mouth, Kevin starts to move his head, eyes flicking up to watch Neil’s reaction. Neil is gazing back at him, lips parted, pupils blown. He’s so fucking unabashed , Kevin realises. Even when Kevin’s enjoying himself, sometimes there’s a whisper in the back of his mind, wondering what he must look like to his partner, wondering if he’s doing good for them. Neil looks like he has none of those thoughts. Like he’s just sunken completely into this moment.
Hot. So fucking hot. It’s why Kevin prefers letting go. Letting someone else do the thinking for him. He fucking loves when he can slip into subspace and that constant critical voice in the back of his brain shuts its mouth for a while. He likes that Neil’s single hang up about his body seems to only have been his scars, and now that they’ve overcome that, it’s like he has let all other guards drop away. Kevin likes that trust. Fuck. He likes Neil, a lot. Probably more than he let himself process before.
Kevin moans as he takes Neil further into his mouth. It’s only partially exaggerated. He is enjoying himself, and he wants that to be known. Neil makes quiet, breathy sounds. Kevin draws off of him, pushing his thumb along the vein on the underside of Neil’s cock.
“You can make noise. I want to hear you.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah.” Kevin kisses Neil’s inner thigh. The skin is soft there. His hair is fluffy, tickles Kevin’s nose. “It’s nice. Knowing I’m making you feel good.”
“You are.” Neil pushes his fingers through Kevin’s hair, scratching his scalp. Kevin arches up against his hand like an eager dog. Neil regards him for a few seconds, eyes soft, before his grip tightens, pulling at the roots of Kevin’s hair. Kevin’s jaw slackens, mouth falling open, a low moan escaping. Neil lays his other hand over Kevin’s and guides his cock forward, drawing the tip along Kevin’s lower lip. He holds Kevin’s gaze as he does this. Shameless. Jesus H. Christ. In each of his more realistic fantasies he always imagined guiding Neil, but Neil needs no guidance. Kevin is fucking putty in his hands.
Neil feeds his cock back into Kevin’s mouth, gently encouraging him down with the hand in his hair. Kevin goes willingly, no pretence to his moaning at all now, so fucking turned on by all of this that he’s rocking his own erection down against the bed. Desperate for just a bit of friction. Just to take the edge off. Neil smells musky and human, a hint of sweat on his skin from the summer heat and their evening of activity. Kevin loves it. He adores when he can pick up his partner’s natural scent through deodorant or perfumes. Maybe it's the pheromones. Kevin’s animal brain rearing up in response. Either way, it does it for him.
“Fuck. That’s good, Kevin. Like you more like this. When your mouth is too full to speak.” Neil laughs as Kevin glares up at him, but honestly, that wee edge of degradation is also doing it for Kevin. Neil in general just hits on so many things that turn him on, like it’s effortless. They’re more compatible than Kevin would have imagined. Neil’s leg tightens where it is hooked around Kevin, foot pressing down into his back again. He cants his hips up against Kevin’s face. “Fuck. Yes. Kevin. Close now.”
Kevin hums loudly in encouragement. He’s already been applying himself quite enthusiastically. Wanting to please Neil, to impress him. Wanting Neil to be dazzled by his sexual prowess. To want to do this with Kevin again. To long for it. To remember this sensation when he’s alone. So he doesn’t have much capacity to increase his effort, considering he was already trying quite hard. He gives up on any consideration about potential jaw ache of shortness of breath though, hollowing his cheek, pressing his face right against Neil. Sloppy and hot, saliva leaking from the corners of his mouth, jaw twinging, feeling breathless, but it doesn’t matter because Neil is close, he’s close, he’s-
“Fuck.” Neil clutches tight at Kevin’s hair as he comes, riding out his orgasm against Kevin’s face. Kevin doesn’t time his swallow right. He chokes, just a bit, throat convulsing briefly around Neil before he remembers to inhale through his nose and work the muscles in his throat. Neil eases off when he hears Kevin choke, but Kevin grips his hips tightly, continues to suck around him as he softens. “Oh my god.”
Kevin rests his head on Neil’s thigh as he catches his breath. Neil pants above him, lashes fluttering. Kevin can still feel the twitch of the muscles in his legs. When his eyes snap open, he reaches for Kevin, demanding.
“Come here.” Neil drags Kevin into a bruising kiss when he moves up the bed, pulling Kevin’s body down against him. Kevin’s cock brushes against Neil’s thigh, and he ruts, chasing that friction. Neil slots a leg between his and tenses the muscle so Kevin has something firmer to rub himself against. “Could you come like that?”
“Probably,” Kevin admits. It would feel better with some lube, but even like this, even just the dampness of his own precum, he could probably get there with time. Neil hums. He scratches his nails down Kevin’s back. He squeezes his ass. Kevin presses closer to him, sweat slicking on their skin from the heat between them.
“Maybe some other time,” Neil says. His hands are on Kevin’s side now, skirting the edges of ticklish, just firm enough to not have Kevin squirming away. Kevin pants against Neil’s mouth, sucking on that plush lower lip he’s always so fixated with. Neil lowers his leg, taking his thigh away from Kevin, replacing it with his hand before Kevin has the chance to chase.
“Fuck.” Kevin presses a hard kiss to the corner of Neil’s mouth, sloppy, hot all over, just from Neil’s fingers experimentally curling around his cock. So close. Already so close. Just being the source of Neil’s pleasure feeding his arousal enough that he’s almost there. “Won’t take much. So fucking turned on. Just from touching you. Tasting you. Hearing you. God, Neil.”
“Already?” Neil twists his wrist and Kevin hisses, burying his face against Neil’s shoulder, kissing the base of his neck. “You’re so desperate for me this is all it would take? I haven’t even got to have any fun with you yet.”
“Not going to last,” Kevin admits, because it’s true, and there’s no point lying only to disappoint Neil. Fuck. He doesn’t want to disappoint Neil. Is this disappointing? Kevin thinks it’s hot to get off to his partner’s pleasure, but does Neil expect more stamina? Does Neil want him to last longer? Maybe he should try. Maybe if he tries really hard he can be good for him. Kevin’s eyes burn with the thought he might not be good. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Not something he would usually get emotional about, but his inhibitions fall away during sex. Layers stripped back. Vulnerable. Exposed. And what is being exposed right now is his failure. “Sorry.”
“Hey. You don’t have to apologise.” Neil thumbs over Kevin’s slit. Kevin whimpers, pressing his forehead hard to Neil’s jaw. Hard enough Kevin can feel the pressure through his skull, so Neil definitely must feel it in his jaw. He doesn’t say anything. Cards his fingers through Kevin’s hair. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I like that you’re enjoying yourself. That’s kind of the point.”
Kevin’s eyes flick up to Neil, wary he’s just being placated. Neil’s pupils are still blown wide, only a ring of blue iris visible. Glassy. His lips are slick and flushed from kisses. It’s not very noticeable with his skin tone, but there’s a hint of a flush high on his cheeks. Neil’s voice is steady, but his body suggests he’s more affected than he’s letting on. Maybe Kevin did good. Maybe he’s okay.
“Yeah?” He hates the neediness in his voice. The desperation for validation. Hates that he’s playing his cards so early. Wishes he could hide this part of himself, play into the bratty role he enjoys sometimes, push and demand and act up. Neil doesn’t need to see him like this. Not yet. Not before Kevin has felt him out. Learned what it is safe for him to say and do. Learned what Neil will give him that he will enjoy, and the sour notes he will have to swallow. Neil’s been doing so much so right so far that Kevin forgot. He let himself slip.
“Yeah, Kevin. I think it’s hot how desperate you are for me. That I’ve barely touched you and you’re already trembling for it. You’ve been so good to me. You deserve your reward now.”
“I’ve been good,” Kevin echoes, a reassurance to himself.
“So good,” Neil says, and his eyes narrow, watching Kevin intently. “Do you like that? Being told you’re good?”
Kevin bites his lower lip. He gives a small nod. Neil smooths his thumb along Kevin’s chin, pries his lower lip free and sucks it between his instead.
“Good,” he says. “You’re good for telling me that, Kevin. Such a good boy.”
The whine that rips from Kevin is high and animal. A desperate, uncontrollable thing. He likes how Neil teases him. Derogatory without humiliating Kevin on a personal level. Sometimes the woman he hooked up would do that. Call Kevin names, or make digs at his character. Things that really worked him up when he was hard, but then afterwards he’d fixate on them, a twisting feeling in his stomach, constantly wondering if it was just dirty talk or if she really felt that way about him. He probably should have said he didn’t like that. Asked to negotiate, clarify his preferences. But they did so little talking when they were together.
“Are you really close?” Neil asks, and Kevin nods, too far gone for words, cock flushed and aching. Neil rolls them over. Kevin on his back. Neil sliding down between his legs, both hands jerking Kevin off. Kevin forces his eyes open and looks through blurry pleasure tears as Neil leans in and flicks his tongue against the head of Kevin’s cock. Once, twice, he doesn’t even get his mouth fully over Kevin before Kevin is coming. The muscles of his abs tense and tighten, his hips tilt up, and he comes hard, lines of it splashing up Neil’s cheek and over Kevin’s stomach.
“Shit. Sorry.” Kevin moves to sit up, but Neil pushes him back down.
“It’s fine.” He leans over the edge of the bed, grabbing a shirt and wiping his face clean. It’s only as he tosses the shirt back to the floor that Kevin realises it’s his shirt. He’s too fucked out to even complain. He lies on his back breathing hard. Neil cleans Kevin’s stomach off with long, thorough licks. He presses a kiss to the base of his stomach, then crawls up the bed to flop beside him. His bicep is pressed to Kevin’s, and Kevin can hear the soft pattern of his breathing.
He realises they haven’t actually talked about this. What happens next. What they are. All they talked about was what they were going to do. Kevin had jumped ahead in his mind, assuming that Neil asking to go on a date meant he did, in fact, want to date Kevin, but you know what they say about assume. Out of all his clarifying questions, he didn’t actually clarify that, and now he feels it is awkwardly late in the process to bring it up.
“Ah. Ahem.” Kevin clears his throat. Neil’s head rolls lazily to face him.
“That okay?”
“Yes. Yeah. Better than okay. That was great.”
“Good.” Neil yawns widely, then presses a kiss to Kevin’s shoulder. Kevin rolls over to face him. “Hey.”
“Hi. So. Uh.” Kevin scrunches his nose up. “This is probably a belated conversation to be having, but. Em.”
Neil is looking at Kevin through heavily hooded eyes, his face relaxed, entirely at ease. A strong contrast to how Kevin feels right now. He’s afraid to ask. He supposes, if this is just hooking up, he will take it. It’s not really what Kevin wants at this stage of his life, but he really wants Neil. If he can’t have him fully, if the only access he is allowed is in small, painful bursts, rationing what Neil will give him, never asking for more, then Kevin thinks he will endure that. He already told Neil he wants more than sex, but Neil didn’t actually confirm if he does too. Kevin should have asked again, before he let his cock into the driver’s seat.
“Are you going to be having said conversation anytime soon, or-? Do I have to schedule in for it?”
“I’m trying.”
“Just say it, Kevin.”
“Fine. What do you want from this?”
“This?”
“Us. Is there an us? I don’t know. I’m just now realising we didn’t actually talk about that, and maybe we should have, so that’s what I’m trying to do.”
“You don’t think there’s an us?”
“I don’t know if you want there to be.”
“Didn’t we already discuss this, when you were going all Mr Darcy on me?”
“Unlike Lizzie, you didn’t answer.”
“Remind me. What do you want?”
“You’re twisting the question back on me. I asked you first!”
“Yes, but I like you more, so I’d like to know what you think.”
“What? You don’t like me more.”
“Seems like it.”
“I told you I was just acting like a dick because I was afraid to make you uncomfortable. I probably like you more than you like me.” This is where most people would likely tell Kevin it’s not a competition. He can actually imagine the exact dry tone of Aaron’s voice, the way he would raise one of his brows and level Kevin with an unimpressed gaze. Neil does not do that. Neil leans his head back against Kevin’s pillow, the curls of his hair haloing his head, and smirks.
“Naaaah. I don’t think so.”
“I do.” Kevin moves over Neil, arms on either side of his head.
“You don’t even like me enough to tell me you want to date me again. You’re pussyfooting around it, trying to get me to say it so you don’t have to. I thought I’d already put my cards on the table. I don’t feel this way very often. When I’m in, I’m all in. However, I don’t want you to feel pressured just because-”
Kevin cuts Neil off with a kiss. Neil makes a brief sound of protest, but he doesn’t put up much of a fight. He is soft and languid beneath Kevin, parting his lips easily, allowing Kevin to guide their kiss now rather than fighting back against him.
“Yes. I want that. Be my boyfriend.”
“Okay,” Neil says, like it’s easy. Something not even to be considered. Something he already knew, which, okay, Kevin was hoping that too, but he had to hear it. He’s made that mistake before. He wants them to be solid. The security of a label. Of them both being on the same page. Maybe this was always easy, Kevin just too scared to ask. Maybe if he’d said these things to Jean twelve years ago everything would be different.
Or maybe he and Jean would have fallen apart anyway, and it would have hurt more because Kevin would know it’s explicitly a failure of self that led to it. Maybe maybe maybe. He decides to put that what if aside. He could circle around those forever. Go right back to his childhood, to Kayleigh, to thinking that if they had gone to the States to David rather than him coming to Ireland, that seventeen years later Kayleigh would not be on the road where the car slid on black ice, leading to the crash that ended her life two weeks before Christmas. Kevin’s been down that path before. He’s followed every possible thread, and it’s just an elaborate manner of self torture. There are no what if s. There is only the life he lives in now, and he’s glad to be here with Neil.
He holds his arm up in offering. Neil slips closer, letting Kevin wrap the arm around his shoulders, curling up against his chest. Kevin brushes his hair back and presses a kiss to his forehead. Neil hums pleasantly, drawing circles on Kevin’s chest.
“Are you going to stay this time?”
“Are you offering?”
“Obviously I’m offering.”
“Then yes.” Neil bites at Kevin’s jaw, but with no real force.
“No early shifts tomorrow?”
“Early enough. Not opening. I’ll just run home and get my uniform before I go.”
“I can drive you home.”
“I like to run, and I need to run tomorrow anyway. Multitasking.”
Kevin makes an unconvinced sound, but he doesn’t want to argue with Neil right now. He presses another kiss to Neil’s cheek, until Neil turns his face up towards Kevin. They sink into their kiss. The urgent heat of before evaporated, just a slow enjoyment now, luxuriating in each other, really feeling out the rhythm and flow of how they come together. They’ll have to order food in, Kevin thinks. He doesn’t think he has enough to put together dinner. He was planning to go grocery shopping after work, but he hadn’t been anticipating all this happening with Neil when he got up this morning. They can order food. Maybe after a shower. Perhaps even after another round. He can already feel his interest stirring again, and from the way Neil has tightened his leg around Kevin’s calf, pulling him closer, he might be on the same wavelength. It seems any concerns Kevin had about his appetite exceeding Neil’s were misplaced. They’re just as bad as each other.
*
“Touch yourself for me,” Neil says. He’s standing at the bottom of Kevin’s bed in only a tiny pair of running shorts. The shorts are dented with the bulge of his erection. Kevin’s mouth waters at the sight. He is entirely bare, laid out on his back on the bed. They have been kissing, grinding, hands all over each other for the last small eternity, but Neil has gotten up to retrieve lube and a condom and left Kevin naked and exposed. “Put on a show. Let me see what you like.”
Kevin bends his knees, feet resting against the mattress and thighs spilling wide open as he reaches down and grips his cock. Neil watches the movement of his hand as he slices the plastic covering off the condom box with his thumb nail. As Kevin teases his other hand over his pecs, palms at his right nipple, Neil pops the box open and slides a foil packaged square into his palm.
“Slow down,” he says, as Kevin starts to jerk himself at a steady pace. He grits his teeth, glaring at Neil as he slows the pace of his hand to what feels like a tortuous drag. They both know Kevin likes it though. All of it. Neil controlling his pleasure, Neil’s hungry eyes on him, Neil purposefully teasing him. “Good.”
Kevin whimpers, his eyes falling shut.
“Look at me.”
He forces them open again. Neil sets the condom on the bed and lifts the bottle of lube. Just the snap of the lid opening makes Kevin’s cock pulse in his hand. Pavlovian. They’ve been together a week officially now, though clashing work schedules and other social obligations mean they’ve only had three nights alone. They’ve covered a wide variety of exploration in those three nights. They’ve had sex in every room of Kevin’s now, and half of Neil’s. Kevin’s gotten off just with Neil’s hand and his voice hot against his ear. He’s spent half an hour between Neil’s legs, mouthing everywhere but his cock. Holding him open and rimming him until Neil was squirming and begging. As much as Kevin enjoys being the more submissive one, Neil is a thing of beauty when he lets Kevin take control. When he is soft and pliant, allows Kevin to manhandle him, spoil him with pleasure, hold him down even when Neil wants nothing more than to twist them around and fuck into Kevin’s mouth, instead make him take his tongue until he’s near delirious with the need for friction on his cock.
Fuck. That was a good night. Neil had got on his knees for Kevin in the shower first, water droplets clinging to his lashes as he squinted up at him. It was even better than Kevin had imagined. More intense than any fantasy he could have tried to summon, except then a muscle had twitched in his leg with working so hard to prop himself up as he was assaulted with pleasure, and he’d slipped, almost kneed Neil in the face as a result. They had moved to the bed then. Spread a towel out and Kevin had eaten Neil out as a lengthy plea for redemption. His unspoken penance. It had worked a treat.
They’ve done everything but full penetration. When Neil had gotten really needy, Kevin had slipped a finger into him, licked around it. Added a second. Scissored them open and lapped over his hole. Neil hadn’t lasted long after that. Neil’s had a couple of fingers in Kevin, curled behind him in bed. The other hand fisted in Kevin’s hair, pulling his head back against Neil’s shoulder, mouthing at his ear, his neck. He made Kevin jerk himself off as Neil fucked him hard and fast with his fingers. It was good, but Kevin, always greedy, never satisfied, Kevin had wanted more. He wanted Neil’s cock.
So they planned it for the next night they’d have entirely to themselves. No one expecting them, no interruptions. They talked about it beforehand. Neil probing and pushing at Kevin until he’d outlined the kind of things he doesn’t like. The words and actions. Neil’s confession he doesn’t have much point of reference, but some things he thinks he doesn’t like, and a promise he’d speak up if they came across new ones.
“But will you try things, if I ask?” Neil asked. “And not be upset if I don’t like them. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. I just won’t know until we try them, you know? So if I don’t, that’s not your fault. It’s just a new experience, and I’ll learn something about myself from it.”
Kevin had agreed. He fears he’d agree to almost anything Neil asks him already, but he keeps that sentiment to himself. Neil doesn’t need to know how whipped he is. Not this early.
“Yes. Just like that. Eyes on me. You look so lovely like that, Kevin.”
Kevin pants, slack jawed, tongue pressing forward against his lower lip. Neil looks at his mouth. He rubs the lube between his fingers. It makes a slick sound. Kevin spreads his thighs wider, until they’re pressed right down against the duvet, until he’s as exposed as he can be in this position. Neil smirks. He puts a knee on the bed. Kevin’s pulse speeds with excitement. Anticipation. Neil getting closer. Neil going to touch him soon. His whole body starting to brace for it, pleasant static across his skin.
Neil rests his unlubed hand on the inside of Kevin’s spread thigh. He squeezes the soft flesh there. Kevin’s hand falters on his cock, eyes intently trained on Neil’s face, watching for any signal, any unspoken command.
“Did I tell you to stop?”
Hand moving again as Neil taps the inside of his ankle. The soles of Kevin’s feet have come together as he spread his thighs. He shifts them apart, makes room for Neil to crawl between his legs. Neil looks him over with a thoughtful hum.
“Comfortable like that? You want propped up more?”
“Maybe.” Kevin sits up, situates a pillow under his hips to give Neil easier access, and lies back once more. He’s going to need to change the sheets again. The second time this week. Oh well.
“Ready?” Neil asks. Kevin nods. “Words.”
“Yes. I’m ready.” Kevin’s tone has a sharp edge to it, impatient. Neil smacks the outside of his thigh. Kevin squeezes Neil between his knees. Neil shoves at his leg until Kevin opens for him again, then he slides a finger into Kevin with little preempt. Kevin gasps. “Some warning.”
“Whoops,” Neil says, crooking his finger. “Like this?”
“Bent a bit more towards you. Deeper- Ah. Fuck. Yeah. There. Oh my god.”
Neil draws his finger out and pushes two in, face scrunched in adorable concentration as he seeks Kevin’s prostate out again. Kevin demonstrated this to Neil when he had his fingers inside him. Neil’s a quick study. Kevin’s got good long fingers, excellent for fingering. Neil’s are considerably shorter, but he’s putting them to good use. Kevin idly chews on his lower lip as he looks at Neil’s other hand resting on his thigh. Slim, delicate. Kevin wonders if he could take Neil’s whole hand. He thinks he probably could, with enough lube and patience. Maybe someday.
“You’re squeezing around me.”
“Feels good.”
“More?”
“More,” Kevin agrees, as if he is ever going to say no to more from Neil. Kevin will take whatever Neil gives him. Right now that is a third finger, pressed close together with his other two. Neil is slower with three, easing them into Kevin rather than the quick slide of the first two. Kevin’s head tips back and he moans. Closed mouth, low in his throat. Neil’s hand moves to his hip, anchors him in place.
“Feel tight around my fingers now.”
“Imagine how I’ll feel around your cock.”
“Won’t have to imagine much longer. Going to know how good you feel soon.” Neil bites at Kevin’s hip. He sucks a bruise over it. As he lifts his head, he dots a kiss to the tip of Kevin’s cock. Kevin twitches, feeling over sensitive already and Neil’s not even inside him yet.
“How is that?”
“Still good.”
“You’re taking me so well, Kevin.”
Kevin whimpers, automatically clenching around Neil, his body thrumming with arousal. Neil laughs, a low chuckle. He takes Kevin in hand and smooths a thumb up along the underside of his cock.
“I’m not going to last if you start touching me already,” Kevin warns. Neil purses his lips in a pouty expression of annoyance. He squeezes Kevin’s cock just too rough, and Kevin hisses, a fresh wave of arousal crashing over him. Neil lets him go. He smooths his hand up and down over Kevin’s stomach as he works him open with his fingers, holding an intense amount of eye contact. “Okay. That’s enough. I’m ready.”
“Are you actually ready, or are you just impatient?”
“I’m actually ready.” Kevin’s been single for a while, but he does have toys he breaks out. On the very rare occasions he is both patient and prepared enough to have his dildo and lube ready to go when the mood strikes. He probably could have taken Neil without the fingering, if they’d moved slowly enough, but he appreciates the care. Also, Neil’s fingers feel good in a different way than his cock. More precise. Kevin’s greedy. He wants all the sensations he can get.
“Okay.” Despite Neil’s calm tone, he’s slower to move as he opens the condom. His eyes keep flicking back to Kevin, checking on him.
“You sure you want to do this?” Kevin asks. Neil huffs.
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“Nervous?”
Neil’s face automatically shifts to a sneer, and his mouth starts to form around what is doubtlessly some sharp retort. He pauses before he speaks. His expression softens.
“Not nervous, exactly, just…” He shrugs. “Want to do it right.”
“Not many ways to go wrong with this,” Kevin says, but he sits up, reaching to cup Neil’s cheek reassuringly. Neil leans into his palm.
“I know. That’s why I’m not nervous.”
“Okay.” Kevin smooths his thumb over Neil’s lower lip. Neil opens his mouth and bites around Kevin’s thumb as he slides the condom on. “Do you want me to stay on my back like this?”
“Mmm. Yes. Like being able to see you.”
“Okay.” Kevin arches, and Neil leans in to kiss him, hot and wet. When Kevin draws away, he drops back onto the bed, shifting his hips and spreading his thighs wider to accommodate Neil walking forward on his knees. Neil lines himself up. Kevin gives a small nod of encouragement. Neil sinks into him slow, and they both exhale at the feeling.
It’s awkward, to start. It takes Neil a few attempts to find an angle where he can thrust into Kevin without his cock sliding out on each withdraw. Kevin doesn’t help, laughing the first time Neil slips free and jabs him in the ass cheek with his next thrust. Neil smacks his ass in reprimand, but Kevin’s still grinning when he pushes in again. Neil hitches one of Kevin’s legs up over his shoulder, arms around Kevin’s thigh for purchase as he finally finds his rhythm. Kevin wraps his other leg around Neil’s hips, rocking back down against him, both of them moaning softly.
“Touch yourself again,” Neil says, voice already ragged, and Kevin is hit with a fresh punch of heat to his gut as he once again remembers Neil has never done this before. The hot press of Kevin all around him is probably overwhelming. Kevin’s the first person he’s been inside of like this. He grasps his cock and starts stroking swift and sloppy, distracted by Neil’s thrusts. “Good. That’s good, Kevin. Get yourself off for me. Make a mess. Come all over yourself as I fuck you through it.”
Neil is slamming into Kevin harder now, his nails biting into Kevin’s thigh, leaving crescent moon indents. Kevin whimpers and moans like he’s being paid for it, overwhelmed by sensation, blindly wanking himself off, eyes pressed shut against the pleasure.
“Look at me,” Neil breathes, and Kevin forces his eyes to squint open. Neil moving above him, his hair clinging to his sweaty cheek, forehead, skin gleaming with perspiration, the way his body shifts and rolls as he fucks his hips into Kevin. It’s too much. It’s not enough. He wants Neil pressed against him everywhere. He wants Neil under his skin. He wants-
Neil hits Kevin’s prostate and Kevin tries to squirm away, overcome, the sensation too much. Neil’s grip on his thigh stops him from going anywhere. His angle isn’t precise enough to hit it everytime, but each time he does brush against it, Kevin’s whole body convulses. His arm is starting to ache with how quick he’s moving it, wrist cramping, but he’s so close he doesn’t stop.
“Come on, Kevin,” Neil all but growls, voice raspy and commanding, and fuck, fuck , that’s something else. “Come for me.”
“Fuck. Yes. Neil. Yesyeyes. Fuck. Like that. Oh my god, Neil. Neil. ” Kevin’s orgasm is a nine on the Richter scale. It crashes through him with an ungodly amount of force. Static rings in his ears, and white dots speck across his vision. Distantly, he can hear Neil moaning, can feel the last few stilted jerks of his hips as he finishes inside Kevin, Kevin clenching in pulses around him. His whole body is electric nerve endings. His muscles ache from how hard they contracted when he came. He’s absolutely fucked out and spent.
Kevin whines as he feels Neil ease out of him, tender and oversensitive now. Neil shifts off the bed. Kevin tries to open his eyes, but he can’t quite manage it yet. He hears the bedside drawer. Neil now educated on where Kevin’s baby wipes live so no more shirts have to be sacrificed for the cause. Kevin feels a cool, wet touch on his stomach. He finally forces his eyes open.
Much to Kevin’s satisfaction, Neil also looks wrecked. His hair is in sweaty disarray. His expression is slack and hazy. He seems to be employing every last shred of conscious energy to clean Kevin up. Fuck. Kevin is suddenly hit with an intense, warm, all encompassing glow of feeling. Shit. Does he love Neil? He might love Neil. Too early to tell him that though. He’ll hold onto that secret sentiment for a while longer, but the fact settles in his chest. He feels himself on the verge of freaking out about it, when Neil glances up and musters a tired smile for Kevin. Kevin’s panic settles. It’s okay. It’s okay if he loves Neil. This could last. Just because nothing has lasted before, doesn’t mean this won’t. Just because Kevin’s always afraid of losing everyone, doesn’t mean he actually will.
“C’mere.” He opens his arms for Neil to crawl into. Neil flops heavy against his chest. Kevin rubs a hand up and down his back, pressing sleepy kisses to the top of Neil’s hair. “There you are.”
“Here I am.” Neil stifles a yawn against Kevin’s shoulder.
“Fuck me. That was good.”
“I already did.” Neil grins, and Kevin can feel it against his skin. He squeezes Neil in his arms. Neil huffs, burrowing his face against Kevin’s neck. “That was fun. We should do it again.”
“Yeah,” Kevin says. “Absolutely.”
He feels so thoroughly fucked out at that moment that he can’t even imagine having sex, but after they have a sweat sticky nap tangled up together, Neil wants to try again. Who is Kevin to say no? So they do. With Neil spooning Kevin from behind as he slips into him, Kevin bent over the edge of the bed, Kevin riding Neil. They come with Kevin face down on the bed and ass up, Neil having full control over the speed and rhythm, hand reaching around to jerk Kevin off himself this time. It might be even better than the first time. Kevin’s not sure. He thinks he blacks out for a few seconds at the end of that one.
“Next time,” Neil says, when they’ve showered and are eating, sitting close on Kevin’s couch. Kevin’s eyes cut across to Neil, surprised he’s thinking about the next time already. Kevin was wrong to fear he’d be too much for Neil in this aspect of their relationship. He’s the one having to keep up with Neil. “I want you to fuck me.”
“Oh. Yes. Yeah. I can do that.”
Neil smiles at him. Teeth bared, eyes creased, head tilted to the right.
*
“Hi, can you get me some more hot water for-”
“No, I can’t. My shift just ended. Sorry.” Neil does not sound sorry at all. He pulls his apron off over his head right in front of the customer’s table.
“Excuse me.”
“You’re excused.” Neil grins, not looking back over his shoulder as he comes to Kevin’s table. He climbs up on the couch to step over Aaron, wriggling himself into the small gap between Aaron and Kevin that is definitely not big enough for him.
“Fuck off, Neil,” Aaron says, but the relentless press of Neil’s bony elbow forces him to move over. Katelyn ends up half on Aaron’s lap as he tries to accommodate Neil. Neil ends up half perched on Kevin’s thigh as well. He could easily just sit in Kevin’s lap, but if there’s an opportunity to annoy Aaron, Neil will never skip it. Jeremy laughs from where he and Jean are squashed into one big plush armchair across the table. Kevin used to be the spare part when he would hang out with his friends like this. Always welcome, always included, Kevin knows, but still separate. Most of his friends slotted into pairs. Even before Aaron had Katelyn, he and Andrew were a duo, much as they would deny that. Kevin supposes Andrew is the loner now, but who knows. Maybe he’ll bring someone back from his Hot European Summer.
“Do you hear something?” Neil looks up at Kevin, scrunches his nose adorably. “An annoying, whiny sound?”
“I hate you,” Aaron says, as Kevin huffs a laugh. Neil catches his jaw and pulls Kevin forward to kiss him firmly on the mouth.
“How was work?”
“Fine. I think I’m getting tired of this job. Not sure barista is my calling.”
“You know,” Jean says. “We’ve been thinking about bringing an extra set of hands in for the shop.”
“Oh?” Neil looks between Jean and Kevin, interest perked.
“He does have customer service experience,” Kevin says. “Even if his skills are questionable.”
“And cash handling,” Jean adds.
“Not able to reach the higher shelves though.”
“And a bit of an attitude problem. Though the Irish guy already working there has one of those too.”
“Hey.” Kevin frowns. Neil tugs Kevin’s arm around his shoulders, playing with his fingers.
“Seriously?” He glances between them again. Kevin knows he wants them to say yes. Neil only gets coy about things that he really wants, as if not admitting how much he wants them will make it easier if he doesn’t get them. Jean looks across at Kevin, meaningful eye contact. They have been talking about bringing someone else on, but that’s a conversation they’ve been having on and off for months. They’re both so protective of the bookshop. They don’t want any outsiders interfering with their baby. No strangers. No one they can’t trust.
Neil is the perfect answer to that. They both know him well, both trust him, both get along with him. Mostly. Kevin loves him a ridiculous amount and also finds him the most aggravating man in the entire world at least twice a week, but mostly. Kevin holds Jean’s gaze, tilts his chin down in his approval. Jean smiles. He looks back to Neil.
“We could always do a trial period,” Jean says, and Neil smiles. Teeth bared, eyes creased, head tilted a bit to the right. Yeah. Kevin has a feeling the trial period isn’t necessary. Maybe they’ll be the job Neil finally sticks with.