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The cherry blossoms were always so pretty at this time of year. The billions of petals that fell when the season started never failed to bring Hinata a sense of joy. He remembered times when he and his younger sister would play outside in the pink rain like it was snow and laugh until they were struggling to breathe. The funny thing about cherry blossoms is that, in flower language, they represent both beauty and violence, both life and death. As the coming of spring months promises new life, so do the blooming of cherry blossoms that bring a sense of vibrancy and new beginnings. Although this is true, at the same time, their short lifespan is a reminder that life can be cut short all too soon.
When the sound of the whistle met everyone's ears to signal the end of practice, it was quickly replaced by the pants of labored breathing in the room. This was followed by the noise of volleyballs being hit against palms and floor fading into the distance once again.
All except for one.
The other members of the team stumbled around with little energy to find their own distinct water from the sea of black, Karasuno labeled bottles.
All except for one.
Shoyo Hinata had stayed at the other side of the Gymnasium, volleyball still clutched in his right hand.
“Please! Just one more set!” He stood across from the team's setter, practically jumping up and down with the leftover energy he was hoping to use in this moment. He had barely done anything that interesting during practice, but now was his time to shine.
Kagayama looked up at the ceiling to block distractions from his mind and chewed down on the inside of his cheek.
Hinata knew this meant he was thinking about it.
During their finals, Hinata kept a careful eye on Kagayama. He came out with the conclusion that, him chewing down on the emptiness of his mouth, meant he was thinking about something. He concluded this when seeing that right after this sequence, an answer would surface from his lips.
He didn’t seem to have an opposition to the idea.
The setter glanced back down, returning to earth from his time in the clouds.
“Yeah, sure, the opportunity to practice more will be good.” There wasn’t any real enthusiasm in his voice, but on the contrary, Hinata was buzzing with it.
At first he was confused by Kagayama’s answer. Wait, did he really just say yes? A small whirring made itself known deep in the ginger, his smile brightening at the setter, eyes getting wider.
“Really? Really Kagayama? I promise you won't regret it. I'll hit it so hard it will bounce off the back wall like ‘Wbam!’” He waved his hands around like a mad man describing his next overexaggerated actions.
“You sound like a real dumbass. And stop waving your hands around like a lunatic, you look like one too.”
To the other members on the team, the two voices were just a part of the background at this point.
None of them could hear exactly what the first-year duo was saying, but all of them knew exactly what the conversation was about.
It was about what it was always about.
Volleyball.
“How do they do it?” Daichi questioned no one in particular, taking a drink out of his water bottle while swiping away some sweat from his forehead.
Sugawara looked up at his captain from his sitting position on the ground, “Who knows. They've had this little routine going on ever since that little game we held at the beginning of the year. I guess all the practice they did together rubbed off on them and became a part of their daily routine. I still see them practicing at lunch sometimes– brings me back to the good old days.”
“The good old days being a few months ago.” Daichi added quickly, reminding all of them how fast things seemed to be going.
“Ok captain. No need to be smart with me.” Suga joked at Daichi and shot a quick smile upwards.
The two of them looked forward to watch the first-years go over some drills– the small silence growing bigger with every second. Each of them avoiding what the other wanted to say.
“It's gonna be weird next year. You know, when we’re not –when you’re not here to guide the team Daichi.” A voice deeper than the latter two had joined the conversation next to Suga on the ground.
“And of course, lovely Ahashi. Here he is talking about the negative as per usual. I thought I told you not to bring up the fact that we were leaving.”
“Ah- sorry Daichi. It’s just hard not to think about”
Next to him, Suga patted the spikers back. “You know Asahi, for a big guy, you sure are quite the sap.”
“Thanks.” Suga smiled at him and turned to look back at daichi. Asahi almost smiled back before he realized they had burst into a fit of giggles that sounded strange on the two third–years.
“It's not even that funny. Be mature, you two,” Daichi said under a hand covering his mouth to muffle his own laughter.
“Are you old grandpas done laughing or can we leave now?” The tallest of the first years stood by the door, seemingly annoyed by the whole volleyball ordeal itself.
Daichi had to stop himself from laughing to respond, “Yes, we'll see you tomorrow Tsukishima. Be careful on your way home.” Although his caring thoughts were nice to hear through some ears, they were left in vain this time. The second Tsukishima had heard something resembling a yes, his headphones were on and he was out the door. A sigh followed this and Daichi turned back to face the other third-years.
A boy much shorter than the previous one stumbled after Tsukishima and out the door. “Thanks captain!” Daichi turned back around and smiled to see Yamaguchi chasing after his friend in the evening sunlight.
“Now for the hard part.” Suga sighed while looking to the other side of the gym where the sounds of a volleyball could still be heard.
“Now for the hard part.” The captain grimaced but smiled while agreeing with his vice.
The ball hit the ground one final time, leaving the room silent, save for the breathing of the two boys.
“But I don’t want to leave.” Hinata cocked his head to the side in a sort of complexed position. “There's still more time to practice.”
He had always pushed himself to the very end and yet he had always had the energy to keep going.
If there was one more ball left to be put away, it was always in Hinata's hand.
If there was one more ball left to spike, Hinata was in the air.
“How do you expect to play tomorrow if you don’t sleep or eat, dumbass?” The setter had picked up the ball and started to make his way to his bag by the door.
“Kagayama’s right. You need to make sure you don’t overwork yourself. Sleeping and eating is important to your health.” Diachi placed a hand on Hinata’s shoulder, “Besides, you’ll be here tomorrow. There's always more time to practice ahead.”
“I know, I just- How am I supposed- Wait, Kagayama!” Hinata's gaze had traveled from the floor, to his caption, and to where he was expecting to see the other first year. After realizing he had started to leave, he sprinted out the door before finishing his sentence, almost forgetting to grab his bag in the process.
“Wait! Hinata, your things!” The vice captain nearly always had to keep an eye on the gingers bag to make sure he wouldn't forget it again.
Three times in a row was bad enough.
“Ah! Thanks Suga. Goodnight, see you tomorrow!” He smiled and waved behind him as he ran out the door and after Kagayama.
“Dumbass.”
“Are you talking to yourself Kagayama?”
“You're the one who almost forgot your things.”
“Well, if you didn't-”
As they walked further away, their voices faded off and into the distance, blending with the sounds of the screeching crows.
“What are we even gonna do with those kids?” Suga chuckled to himself while picking up his things and leaned against the door.
Everyone else had gone home already, which left just him and daichi to lock up the gym and club room.
“Who even knows?” Daichi reached down and slung his own bag over his shoulder. “I'll close up, okay? See you tomorrow.”
“You're slow.”
“Am not!”
“Sometimes you are.”
Hinata and Kagayama had made it to the point in their walk home where the roads would split and they would bicker for longer than necessary before taking their respective paths. Although, after the couple of months they spent attending school and playing volleyball together these instances had subsided quite a bit. They had switched from full blown arguments to just small moments of disagreement or teasing. The whole team had been relieved when this change had become the norm and they were no longer subjected to the duo’s disputes.
When they arrived at the fork in their paths the two would always part ways in some petty disagreement normally revolving around who was better. This time though, things were different.
“Bye, Shoyo.”
The sentence didn't have any sort of outstanding emotion to Hinata. Which, wasn't all that bad…but it wasn't all that good either. It was strange. Kagayama normally didn't end their route with something so simple and, as some would say, sweet. Hinata wasn't one to overthink things but, sometimes he couldn't help it but to let his mind wander to places where he didn’t want it to end up.
The long trip home always took a toll on Hinata, but sometimes not as much as he would have liked it to.
Extensive bike rides like this after practice gave him some time to think and be alone with his thoughts, which weren't always internal. Sudden outbursts of his conscience were more than often spoken aloud to the empty road, which stared back at him blankly, not bothering to return the conversation.
Why did he live here again? Why did Hinata live on top of a hill? He couldn't even tell you.
He always found himself having these specific thoughts join the many others in his brain when he began the long upward trek towards home. Sure, it kept his stamina up but he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. That is, excluding Tsukishima.
Although the road was tough, it was all worth it when he saw that familiar winding tree outside that familiar house. His family didn't own the most fancy house in the area, but it was home and Hinata wouldn't have it any other way.
The ceiling was a dull white over Hinata’s head at night. The plaster wasn't really placed all that evenly and he liked to think he could have done a better job with it if he'd been the one to build this house. Inevitably though, he knew he couldn't.
Throughout the nights he spent staring above him, he seemed to have memorized every curve, crack, and blemish in that paint job.
When he was younger and couldn't sleep due to any number of reasons, whether that be nightmares or just a lot of energy, he would make pictures out of the squiggles on his ceiling.
Rockets soared and the ocean’s waves crashed overhead as he slept soundly, dreaming of the adventures he'd just imagined. As he got older this concept or little game of his never really changed, only the pictures themselves did.
Though this was true, one thing about this never changed: they always resembled something that he was fond of, that he enjoyed, that he loved.
Unfortunately, tonight was one of those nights where he was grateful for his uneven ceiling.
He tried to make sense of the maze on the not so flat surface that watched him sleep each night, the random lines making faces and swirls turning into volleyballs.
He imagined the rush of the wind in his hair and the burn on his hand as he jumped and hit the ball. He could have sworn that one of the patterns looked exactly like him and Kagayama playing volleyball together.
He was jumping to spike the ball and Kagayama was-
Kagayama-
The name he so commonly said brought a lump to the back of his throat. Something felt off as he sat up sharply in his bed and tried to clear his windpipe. He reached for his neck, catching a bit of his shirt in the process. The fabric pressed against his Adam's apple that bobbed up and down, trying to get whatever was stuck inside of his lungs out. His eyes blew wide as his other hand gripped the sheets in an uncontrolled panic. During this, the hand that was clutched on his neck moved up to his mouth for him to cough something into.
He couldn't–
“ –breathe! Natsu- I can't breathe!” Hinata clutched his stomach as he doubled over in laughter. His younger sister, Natsu, had finally been able to pull him outside and into the storm that consisted of light pink petals. The two of them had made piles outside their home with as many cherry blossoms as they could carry and group together. And now, what had originally started as a cannonball contest, had quickly turned into a tickle fight.
And Hinata was losing badly.
When he was finally able to breathe again it was heavy. It was heavy with something he couldn't quite place. A feeling that had never been felt by him before. It was something of confusion and pain, maybe a hint of jealousy and a lot of unknown.
One thing he did know was that he knew it all connected back to that one name.
The name he once said with such hatred.
The name he now said with such enthusiasm.
The name he would hope to say with such joy and love.
He removed his hand from his mouth, something soft had been expelled from him and now laid crumpled in his fist.
Carefully, Hinata uncurled his fingers revealing a small pink petal that had seemingly come from nowhere else but him.
He slowly traced the flower’s edges, it was soft and delicate so he tried his best not to hurt it more than he already had by crushing it.
It was weird to Hinata that something so beautiful could arrive by such violent means. The petal held a certain air about it that made him forget that he almost choked to death a few seconds prior to get it here.
“A cherry blossom?”
He laughed to himself a bit confused. He didn't seem to remember eating anything with sakura in it, but he did suppose it could have slipped past him as he did forget most things.
Best not to give it that much thought, right?
The day after this “incident” was more or less a wreck for Hinata.
His eyelids felt like they would close in on themselves any moment from the lack of sleep and it was hard to pay attention in his classes.
Harder than normal.
Everything seemed too slow. The classes, the clocks ticking, even the people seemed to talk much slower. When the bell finally rang, it rang loud in his ears.
Louder than normal.
He picked up his bag and draped it over his right shoulder, it was heavy.
Heavier than normal.
The hallway felt overcrowded as new waves of people headed from their classes to lunch or to find their next period.
It never really seemed bothered Hinata before–in fact, he liked to listen in on the many conversations that could be heard as you walked through the sea.
Today was different, as it did seem to bother him.
It made him feel quiet.
“Hinata, are you alright? You look like you didn't sleep that well.”
His newly formed eye bags must have been visible to most, and he probably looked even more out of place than he normally did, considering the extra rush he was in this morning due to oversleeping.
Looking over, Sugawara had emerged from the raging waters of people and engaged in a conversation with Hinata. It was always nice to know that Suga cared for him and the other first-years even though they sometimes didn't always appreciate it. Although this was the case, Hinata didn't want anyone to worry or tell him he was overworking himself.
“Oh, really? Hmm, that's weird. I fell asleep right away when I got home.” He turned to where Suga was and gave him a small quick shrug. He then spread his lips, revealing a small confused smile that showed he was genuinely puzzled.
Was he really going to lie straight through his teeth to his upperclassman?
“Hmm… well you know where to find me if you need anyone, Hinata. I'll see you at lunch, okay?” He gave Hinata a warm smile before heading to his next class.
Hinata recognized that smile.
It was a smile he saved for when they won games. It was a smile saved for Daichi.
It was a smile saved for goodbyes.
Lunch was Hinata's favorite subject.
The food wasn't all that bad, there weren't many options, but Hinata was always sure to enjoy it. Whatever it was.
Lunch meant no boring teachers who taught boring classes, it also meant he could talk to his friends freely without being yelled at by said teachers.
He sat next to Suga and across from himself, sat Kagayama. Between the three of them–but mostly the two first-years–they were definitely the loudest table in the room.
Kagayama and Hinata were always arguing about something, most likely volleyball, if they weren't stuffing their faces full of food. This loud arguing was one of the main things that practically drove Suga up the nearest wall.
Yup. Lunch was definitely Hinata’s favorite subject.
“So Hinata, I heard that…” Suga's voice faded out from Hinata's focus. He was, instead, watching the boy in front of him.
Although kagayama was normally loud and impolite, something always possessed him when it came to food. Unlike himself, Kagayama was relatively calmer. That is, in a sense of vigor.
All of his normally expelled energy was now being used to focus on the soup bowl in front of him. Hinata watched as he brought the porcelain spoon to his mouth and blew on it before he sipped the now cooled down liquid in slowly.
It was like watching a snake in a trance slowly slurping up its food. His lips were soft, and he delicately wiped the excess soup from his chin with his sleeve. Hinata could feel his cheeks redden as he noticed all the details that he felt hadn’t noticed before. All the details he felt he wasn't supposed to notice before.
Has Kagayama always been this attractive?
No.
Tobio Kagayama was, at best, his friend.
The duo had been practically inseparable since the beginning of the year, whether that was for good reasons or bad, it honestly just depended on the moment.
He could admit, Kagayama was attractive. Maybe he always had been, but someone being attractive and being attracted to someone are two completely different things.
Sure, Kagayama had all the defining qualities of someone that Hinata would consider attractive in male standards.
He had the height. That traditional dark hair. Even his build was quite desirable. There were honestly many more things that went along with these traits. Like his narrow eyes and the way his hands were able to perfectly direct a ball to its predetermined destination.
All this was nice, but the one thing that stuck out the most was when he spoke.
There were times, not many, but there were times where Kagayama would talk like all that mattered was him, the topic of the conversation, and the person on the other receiving end of it.
These times mostly consisted of when he would calmly explain something during a game or practice to someone who couldn't understand the play.
…but attracted to him?
At this point, maybe Hinata just wanted to be him.
When Kageyama looked back up, it wasn't to strike up a conversation with the ginger sitting across from him, but instead it was to move his eyes directly over Hinata's head. They were closely watching something behind him, following it in a steady rhythm as it passed by their table.
Hinata narrowed his gaze and pursed his lips as he watched the blue eyes across from his travel in tatum of the movement behind him.
Whatever or, now he supposed, whoever Kagayama was watching let out a small laugh. Hinata couldn't lie, the laugh was pretty. It was shy and controlled.
Something he himself surely wasn't.
He watched as Kagayama looked back down to his food, a small blush dusted his cheeks as a smile appeared on his pale lips.
Hinata felt stuck in time as everything around him froze. The only thing keeping a beat was his heart, and it felt like it would explode any second now.
Something in Hinata hurt.
He- he didn't know-
It was tight, a clenching feeling in his chest, as well as his mouth becoming so dry he would have drunk poison to return it’s normally damp state.
The oddity slithered to more of his senses, it was dark one moment, light the next, but suddenly it was dark again. As the world around him seemed to flicker his eyes also began to cross.
It was loud, too loud. Then all at once quiet. It was a deafening quiet and it made Hinata feel like every wall around him was closing in and there would be no way out.
Then, he breathed.
Thinking it was all over, the fresh air filling his body as he relaxed against the chair he was sitting in.
The air tasted sweet. It smelled like laughter, and the volley courts, and the scent of sakura.
Sakura.
His throat felt smaller and that feeling of something being stuck felt all too familiar as he reached up for his neck. The feeling made him take awful, heaving breaths as he gasped for any air that would enter him.
Hinata quickly covered his mouth with his hands, holding back the feeling for as long as he seemed to be able to. He got out of his seat abruptly and ran to the bathroom. No one really said anything due to this actually being quite a common occurrence for him.
Behind him, he thought he heard Kagayama mention something along the lines of, “it's not like we're at a game.”
It was true that every time the team would leave for a tournament or even a practice match, Hinata would always end up feeling a bit woozy. He constantly makes trips to the bathroom before returning back to it just minutes later, feeling even more ashamed than the previous visit.
Suga agreed with Kagayama laughing along with him, but Hinata could sense there was something more to his voice.
Something about the way he trailed off made it known that he didn't think this was Hinata's normal act of just “getting nervous.”
When he pushed open the door to the bathroom he rushed to the nearest open stall and locked it behind him.
Safe.
He was safe from the sounds of other people. He was safe from that girl.
He was safe from Kageyama.
He leaned against the door, his hands moving to his head while his fingers dug into the roots of his orange hair.
He felt sick. He felt nauseous and sticky with cold sweat as it dripped down his back.
Suddenly he was launched forward, unable to control his body as the feeling of gagging overcame him.
He placed his hands on the two walls beside him to steady himself. His eyes were screwed shut, not wanting to see what would come out of his throat. As he slowly opened them a few light pink petals were laid on the dull tiles under him.
“One, two, three…”
There were nine.
“Nine.”
Nine like-
Again, he was taken over as his body heaved once more, letting one last petal fall and join the others.
This one was smaller than all the others and it was fully white. It represented something pure, something that was untouched by the dark. It represented something that was different than the others.
Something like him.
“Ten.”
There were now ten.
Ten like-
Hinata felt his body surge once more as he doubled over, bracing for the floral scent that would be sure to fill the room in a matter of seconds.
“Nine, you're out!”
The sound had come from just next to Sugawara who was standing on the side of the court, holding out a card reading the number ten just above his head.
There had been a practice match scheduled for that afternoon as a surprise for the team later that day.
Although there were quite a lot of forms and Technicalities to go through, the coaches had both agreed it would be good for them and the school they were facing.
Now a practice that had once begun as a friendly scrimmage, had now turned into a game almost as important as the finals.
It was the second set and they were losing pretty badly, 13 to 18 to be exact. They had already lost the first set, so they had to win this one. This other team had seemingly come out of nowhere, just like they once had. It was a good thing that this was just a practice since the team would have been quite discouraged otherwise.
Although things weren't too dire, Halfway through the second set coach Ukai decided it might be good to switch out Kagayama for Suga.
During the match, both parts of the quick attack duo seemed to be a little thrown off by something. Though, no one knew for sure what.
Sure, they were having the game in their public gym for practice matches. And sure, half the student body was there, but that shouldn't have had any effect on their setter. It definitely shouldn’t have any on Hinata, in fact he was normally more than fueled by the presence of other people.
When Suga called Kagayama over, the first-year seemed pissed at himself. At least, more than he normally was when he got subbed out.
He had been trying a few moves that seemed more advanced than usual, but it's not like there was anyone he wanted to show off for.
It was just a practice match, in their normal practice gym.
There just so happened to be a few more people, right?
Hinata wasn't doing well either. His hits were sloppy, not like that was anything out of the ordinary.
But his jumps were low.
He didn’t know why, but it was like someone was weighing him down and he couldn’t fly anymore.
A true wingless crow.
The whole team had felt it when Hinata barely reached over the net to spike Kagyama’s first set to him.
The ball had narrowly made it over, ending in a sort of fake out on the other side of the court.
These kinds of plays didn’t cease to continue, the messy, rushed, and overall lacking in spirit kind of plays.
Ukai thought it would be a good idea to switch some people out, not only to change things up for the other team, but let their setter rest and give Suga some action.
At first, they started to get a momentum going. Yamaguchi subbed in as a pinch server which earned them a few points. Then, a synchronized attack added one more, and finally a back attack to make the score 23 to 24. One more point and they'd tie the game.
One problem.
It was the other team's serve.
The serve went over, ball falling close to the net.
“Noya!”
“Got it.” The libero dived and the ball bounced up as it hit the side of his hand.
“I'm here!”
With a quick snap of his wrists Suga set the ball in Hinata's direction. The ball flew at him perfectly, the perfect height, the perfect speed, and the perfect position.
Everything about that set was perfect.
Everything except the setter.
Hinata had been quite a mess the whole game and this just showed how completely dependent he was on his setter.
His brain hurt when he looked at him, knowing he would never look back.
No glances were ever thrown his way, only stiff volleyballs.
The worst part about this feeling was that he couldn't spike with Kagayama, but he also couldn't spike without him.
The spike given from suga’s set was immediately shut down.
Three pairs of hands had sprung out from under the net and blocked the spike back onto Karasuno's side of the court.
The ball seemed to float midair for a few seconds, mocking their loss as Nishinoya and Daichi dived for the ball, both being too late.
When it hit the ground everything went blank. The same feeling crept back across the team and it was like they had been transported back to the Aoba Johsai match at the beginning of the preliminaries.
In the end, changing the setter did very little for Karasuno. They still ended up losing, which made everyone more irritable with one another.
They walked to the edge of the gym to grab their things, all dreading the lecture that was sure to come tomorrow. These were almost always sure to happen, but knowing the coach, they’d likely be in for some pretty tough training as well.
Like that looming over them wasn't bad enough, each person on the team felt that they themselves were personally responsible for the team's defeat.
“I could have spiked harder.”
“I could have moved quicker.”
I could have jumped higher.
“One lap!” Daichi called the team over and they started the “loser’s lap".
It was something the team had grown accustomed to in the summer training camp and just kept doing it. No one objected the idea and the sounds of sneakers scraping the ground started to fill the gymnasium.
When the lap was over they quickly packed up and thanked the other team for the practice game. Since it was only a practice, no one was really that upset.
That is, except for Kagayama.
The second the doors closed and the other team left he turned to Hinata, “Why weren't you jumping like you normally do!? You were holding back.” He ran to the ginger and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “You made me look so stupid in front of everyone! You made it so I got subbed out.”
He seemed to lose his grip for a second and looked to the floor,
“So I got replaced.”
Hinata barely thought before speaking, not dwelling on the last bit that Kagayama muttered.
“There wasn't even anyone here Kagayama, or did the almighty king finally return to tyrannize his not-so-loyal subjects?”
“Yes there were! There were people here, Hinata. How can you be so stupid? Sometimes I swear all you have in that brain of yours is volleyball–and you’re not even good at it!”
The smaller boy seemed to sense the change in the king's actions, trying to bring the conversation back so there wouldn't be any major damage between the two of them.
“Kagayama, I'm sorry. I didn’t realize-”
During the game it seemed like Kagayama was focused, but there were definitely times.
There were times where his eyes would dart quickly up to the catwalk to where people would sometimes watch the game from, seeing if there were any new eyes that joined the already watching oculi.
No one would have noticed this. No one would have noticed those quick glances in between plays or those times where Kagayama would fix his hair or adjust his jersey just slightly.
No one but Hinata.
“Of course. Of course you didn’t realize. You never do.”
You never do.
Kagyama let go of Hinata's shirt with a push and headed for the club room to change, leaving everyone confused, shaken, and smelling like sakura.
When it was safe, Hinata was finally able to slip into the club room. Those who recently exited had found him waiting near the door for the majority of the team, but mainly Kagayama, to leave.
“Hinata?” Everyone else had left the club room and were now waiting in the main gym. This made it so just Sugawara and Hinata were left alone to change out of their jerseys. “Are you alright?”
It wasn’t like Sugawara to pry, but he felt it was his duty as an upperclassman to help any of the younger students who needed it.
Hinata turned to the third-year, everything about his usual spark was gone. Suga stepped back, feeling a bit unsettled at Hinata's loss of the usual sunshine.
“When did you realize you liked Daichi?”
The question didn’t surprise Suga as much as he thought it would.
Suga chuckled to himself as he pulled on a gray shirt that was a bit loose around his frame.
“Well, it was during the late years of middle school when he–wait, what's this about?”
“It's really not like that, but it's the closest thing I could think of. It’s such a problem. I can't be around him, Suga. He absolutely hates me. I mean, you saw what it was like out there. God– it such a problem that when I think about him I coug-”
“Wait, are you talking about Kagayama?…Wait, are you talking about Kagayama?!” At first Suga’s eyes shot open in surprise and he smiled down at his underclassman. Then he thought more and the smile disappeared as he realized everything that had happened. This included from lunch, to just prior, and even to when he confronted Hinata about not sleeping well last night.
“I’m not sure what to think anymore Suga, when I think about him I-” Before he could continue his sentence he fell over onto his knees, feeling the cold from the floor enter him. Something had taken over Hinata, rendering him useless against the feeling overcoming him.
He now had his hands pressed against the floor, shaking as he tried to steady himself. All of the humor in Suga had left him as he got down on the floor next to Hinata.
“Woah, Hinata, are you okay?” Hinata coughed as he tried to speak, letting out a strangled noise in response. “I'll go get Daichi, he'll know what to-” Suga stood up but Hinata grabbed his pants and pulled him back down, shaking his head side to side to say no.
He grabbed his stomach until, finally, the flowers came.
There weren't many but there were more than before, probably around 20 or 30.
“These are…you didn’t eat anything with Sakura in it… did you Hinata?” Suga's eyes moved from the floor to Hinata's face and back to the floor again. He picked up a petal and fumbled with it nervously in his fingers while waiting for a response.
Hinata shook his head back and forth slowly, his eyes moving up to lock with Suga’s.
“Hinata what…” Suga opened and closed his mouth several times before continuing. “How long-”
“Since last night.” When he cut Suga off it was flat and short, like he had already rehearsed his answer.
When Hinata stood up, something about him was completely off. He didn't look like himself and some of the color in his face seemed to have drained. Suga figured that was due to the trauma his body was enduring because of these flowers, but it seemed more emotional than physical. It was like something was draining Hinata's joy and light.
Like something was draining his life.
“Have you gotten this checked out yet?” The setter gathered the soft petals in his hands, being careful not to crush any as he disposed of them in the small trash can they kept in the corner of the club room. “It might be a more serious condition than you think.”
“Well…” Hinata's eyes drifted to the window. The sounds and sights of spring were starting to become very prevalent now. That included the cherry blossoms that would fall wherever Hinata was, like they were haunting him. “I thought if I left it alone for a bit, it might just go away on its own.”
“Hinata, this could turn into something very serious. You need to go see a doctor about this.”
“Thanks Suga, but-”
Sugawara cut him off, placing his hands on his underclassman’s shoulders. “Listen- Hinata. As your upperclassman, I can't force you to do anything. This being said, I can try my hardest to help you as much as you'll let me. This whole team cares about you very much, and we wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you. This includes Kagayama, even if he doesn't show it all the time. Please, I want you to call me if you need anything at all. We are all here for you.”
With this final advice given to Hinata, he turned around and departed from the small space they called a club room, even though it was more of a closet.
When the door shut it made a small click, leaving the younger boy alone with only his thoughts, a volleyball, and a handful of crushed cherry blossoms.
You need to go see a doctor.
No, it couldn't be that bad… could it?
It's not like he couldn't control it. Well there was that one time in the club room– yeah, but that was just once! You do remember lunch right?
Hinata argued with the voices in his head until he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Can you guys please just shut up? I'm trying to sleep!” His voice sounded quite strange in the dark after being so silent for the last few hours. In response to the new sound he raised his hands from his sides and into the air all business-like, he was reasoning with his head voices of course.
“Hinata, are you talking to yourself again? Please stop, it's weird.” From the other room, Hinata’s little sister had heard him talking and decided to respond to her brother's strange antics.
“Shut up Natsu. You’re supposed to be asleep.” Hinata retorted back, feeling slightly embarrassed at his previous actions. At this time of night it was common for his family to be asleep and he wasn't expecting anyone to actually answer him.
“So are you, but at least I'm not talking to myself like a normal person.”
“Both of you, to bed. Now.” Their mother had overheard the hallway conversation and decided to intervene for the better of the whole house's ability to get any sleep.
“Sorry, Mom.” Hinata apologized to his mother, feeling slight gratitude at the fact Natsu wouldn't say anything more.
“Yeah, I'm sorry.” It was a small response, but Natsu had never really been one to back down, so this was good enough for their mother.
With the springtime here and the summer being just up ahead, there came a change in temperature.
It was a change that Hinata never enjoyed.
It was hot in his room, and even after the little debacle between him and Natsu, he still couldn't settle down.
He laid there quietly and listened to the sound of his clock on the wall, the ticking of it seeming to be louder than usual. His eyes trailed upwards and towards his personal picture gallery on the ceiling.
Most of the images he created now seemed centric around him and Kagayama. Whether it was them at volleyball practice or just at school, it was them nonetheless.
And every time it was them, he had to tear his eyes away before the pain in his throat returned.
He forced his eyes to travel downwards, landing on his desk. It was messy, like most things in his room. There were papers and candy wrappers strewn on top of it, with some that had fallen on the floor beneath. In the top right corner was a lamp that had stopped working far too long ago and needed to be replaced. The center of the desk was home to his laptop that, of course, was littered with stickers that all related to volleyball in one way or another.
His eyes seemed to linger on this longer than anything else as Suga’s words seemed to return, almost as if on cue.
“It might be a more serious condition than you think.”
Maybe if he just looked it up–
No, no. He couldn't. That would just make things worse. He'd be directed to one of those websites that tell him some symptoms and give him a diagnosis of some deadly disease that he just didn't have.
But, maybe if he could just get an idea of what he did had–
The bright light reflected in Shoyo's eyes from his computer screen as he slowly typed in his password. His eyes flickered to the bottom corner of the device, it flicked back at him the numbers 1:53. Normally he'd be asleep by now, but for some reason his eyes wouldn't seem to close even though that's all they could seem to do earlier in class.
He remembered back to when Suga had told him he didn't look like he wasn't getting enough sleep. He felt a little guilty for not changing his sleep schedule like his upperclassman had seemed to have suggested, but he just had to–
“I'm sorry Suga.”
His eyes drifted to his phone on his desk, debating on whether to contact him or not before they returned to the bigger screen in front of him. “I'll contact you if I really need to, I promise.”
For a moment his cursor hovered over the small plus at the top of his laptop before opening a new tab.
“what dose it mesn when I cougj up flowwrs?”
He didn't look like himself now, all alone in the silence.
It was strange, his eyes were wide and he was hunched over in his bed. The blue light seemed to make his features look more sharp and his hair a sort of burnt gray.
Were his fingers shaking?
Why?
They were just flowers.
Just flowers.
Did you mean, “What does it mean when I cough up flowers?”
The search engine seemed to taunt him, delaying his answer in order to add to his growing anxiety.
Hinata clicked the suggestion and his page reloaded, guiding him to a few websites. The first one was linked to something on a social media platform, so he decided to pass on that one. The second link though, it seemed quite legitimate so he clicked on this one instead.
“Hanahaki.” A fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The kind of flower that is involved can be dependent on the relationship or the kind of love. The disease is cured when the beloved of the victim returns their feelings or when the victim dies.
Fictional.
It's fictional.
Then how did he-
Hinata continued to scroll further down, his eyes scanning over the website for anything that seemed to stand out from the rest of the words.
While scrolling, a side bar popped out from the article, catching Hinata's eyes.
Symptoms of Hanahaki include: Insomnia, coughing up flowers, fatigue, and tightness of throat. Symptoms may vary depending on the victim's stage of the disease.
“Well, that all checks out.” He let out a breath of air in a huff and scrolled back to the top of the page.
“One sided love…?” He read the line again and again but something was missing.
He didn't love anyone.
Of course, he loved his family and his friends, but that was a different kind of love.
He didn't even like anyone right now.
Yes, the girls at school were pretty, especially their laughs.
Hinata had always found that someone's voice was one of the things he was most attracted to. Whether it was the tone of it or just the overall way that they spoke, it didn't matter.
When a person looked at Hinata, made eye contact with him and spoke like the two of them were the only people that mattered, it made him feel important.
Like he was more than he actually was.
Like he could fly.
“You could fly even higher.”