Chapter Text
He is not going to text Eddie. He is not going to text Eddie. He’s not going to text Eddie so hard that he just spent the last 30 minutes texting Maddie instead.
But now Maddie is sleeping, like Eddie. Like Buck really should be. Two great reasons to not text Eddie.
It’s just that he is so unbelievably awake right now because this morning he thought he was going to be moving in with Tommy and then he got dumped and now he’s in love with Eddie and Eddie is in love with him and they kissed about it and now he’s lying on Eddie’s couch and Eddie is just down the hall and it’s just a lot. It’s a lot, and he’s wired.
He opens his text chain with Eddie and does not type anything. He just stares at it so hard that he somehow summons the typing bubble and a text from Eddie.
Thank fuck.
Eddie: u awake?
Buck: so awake
Buck: you okay?
Eddie: yeah just can’t sleep
Eddie: also can’t remember why you’re sleeping on my couch
Buck: because we’re being responsible
Buck: and processing our feelings
Eddie: you doing okay?
Buck: yeah I think so
Buck: weird day
Buck: kinda doesn’t feel real
Eddie: yeah
Eddie: I think that’s why I texted you
Eddie: make sure I wasn’t hallucinating
Buck: you sure you’re okay?
Eddie: come here?
Eddie: only if you want to
Eddie: no funny business just wanna see you
He does not have to tell Buck twice. He’s off the couch and heading towards Eddie’s room without even bothering to reply.
•
He raps gently on the door, before opening it to reveal a sight that makes his heart clench. Eddie, sleep-rumpled and shirtless, sitting up in bed, smiling softly. At him.
“Hey,” Eddie croaks, his voice rough from whatever sleep he’d managed to get.
“Hi.” Buck feels shy , almost. He forces himself to snap out of it. He needs to be normal. To come through on his promise that this won’t be awkward or weird.
Eddie throws back the covers on the empty side of the bed. “You comin in?”
And how could he ever say no to that?
He crawls into the bed with Eddie, landing them face-to-face.
“Roll over,” he instructs.
Eddie rolls his eyes, but rolls over. “Why am I the little spoon?”
Buck scoots up behind him, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist, pulling him tightly against him.
“I’m gifting you the little spoon. Don’t be ungrateful.”
He feels Eddie settle back against him, covering Buck’s arms with his own, tangling their limbs together.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been the little spoon before,” Eddie whispers into the dark room.
“Really?” Buck breathes. “Never?”
He feels Eddie’s thoughtful little hum rumble against his chest.
“I mean maybe once or twice with Shannon,” Eddie admits. “She was small.”
He feels something fearful creep its way up his throat. He tightens his grip on Eddie, takes a breath, and pushes it back down.
“Do you… prefer that?” He asks, because Eddie makes him brave enough to, no matter the answer.
“Hmm?” Eddie mumbles sleepily.
“Being bigger,” Buck clarifies. “Your, uh, partner, being smaller. It’s okay if you do! It’s all just preference, right? I’m just curious.”
Eddie hums, genuinely thinking it over.
“Mm. I guess I don’t really know. I’ve only ever been bigger. I like feeling like I can protect the people I love. But I’m - - I’m actually not sure,” he admits. “What about you?”
Buck is struck, suddenly, with gratitude for everything that led them here. All the small moments, the trust-building, the inside jokes — everything that made it so easy for Eddie to be honest, when he could have so easily just said what he thought Buck wanted to hear.
He presses a quick kiss to his shoulder.
“I like both,” Buck murmurs. “I have the most experience being the bigger one, but Tommy was bigger. I liked it. Maybe it’s part of the bisexual thing? I find both hot in different ways.”
Eddie hums quietly in acknowledgment.
“How are you feeling about that?” He whispers.
“Tommy?”
“Yeah.”
“Weirdly okay,” Buck admits. “I kind of feel bad about how okay I feel.”
Eddie chuckles.
“It was good for you,” he says, squeezing Buck’s arm where it lies against his chest. “A net positive. I think it’s okay to feel okay about that.”
“I don’t think you have an unbiased opinion here,” Buck smiles, squeezing back. He still can’t believe that’s even a true thing that he can say. “How are you feeling?”
Because while Buck was indeed broken up with yesterday, Eddie just ran through a sexual awakening at 50x speed. It’s not a competition, but if it was, he thinks Eddie might win.
“Also weirdly okay, actually?” Eddie says. “Kind of like I’m waiting for the panic to set in, but it hasn’t yet.”
“That’s really good.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “I think I’ve - - it’s like my body has been trying to tell me I’ve been making all the wrong decisions, and I didn’t know that’s what it was saying. And now it’s quiet. Like I - - I think I finally made the right one.”
Something settles in Buck’s chest as Eddie’s words sink in. Something that maybe might just feel like the start of forever.
“Yeah?” He croaks.
“Yeah,” Eddie repeats. Buck can hear the smile in his voice. “I still have so much to fix, but for the first time in years, I can see the path forward. I can see how to get from here to where I want to be. And fuck, it’s such a relief,” he says, voice breaking. “It’s such a relief, Buck.”
Buck flattens his hand over Eddie’s chest, lets the thump, thump, thump of his heart remind him that this is real.
“I’m so happy for you,” Buck grins against Eddie’s neck. “And I’m so proud of you, Eddie. You have no idea.”
“I like this,” Eddie whispers, wiggling a little in Buck’s arms. “Having you all around me. Feels safe.”
“Yeah?” Buck smiles, pulling him tighter against his chest. “Good. I like this too. You’re, like, the perfect size.”
“I’m the perfect size ?” Eddie chuckles.
“Yeah,” Buck confirms, nudging his face deeper into the space between Eddie’s shoulder and throat. “You’re slightly smaller, which is good for cuddling, but you’re not that much smaller, so you could probably throw me around a little if you wanted.”
Eddie’s chuckle rumbles all around him.
“Oh I could, could I?”
“If you wanted,” Buck mumbles, cheeks burning just a little from embarrassment. He probably shouldn’t have said that. Eddie’s still figuring things out, he should be behaving himself, but alas, he is just a man.
It is not helped by Eddie opening his mouth and saying:
“Guess that means you could definitely throw me around a little, since you’re bigger.”
Buck chokes on air.
“I definitely could do that, yes.”
“Is that something you’re into?” Eddie asks, and Buck doesn’t know if he’s thankful that Eddie is facing away from him or not. He thinks maybe it’s for the best, actually. If he were looking into those big brown eyes, he’d probably definitely say or do something stupid. Like stick his tongue down his throat or propose marriage.
“Kinda,” Buck admits. “I, uh. Honestly, I just really like making people feel good. And the connection, you know? I’m not picky about the rest of it.”
“That’s a very you answer,” Eddie smiles. Buck can tell. He can hear it.
“Is it?”
“Yeah,” Eddie confirms, voice rough. “I love you.”
Buck can’t stop the sharp intake of breath his body sucks in at that. There’s no hiding it, either, in the still quiet of the night.
Eddie shifts beneath his arms, turning around to face him for the first time since Buck first joined him in the bed. His eyes — his stupidly beautiful big brown eyes that Buck is going to do and say so many stupid things because of for the rest of his life — are wide and a little wary. “That still okay?” Eddie whispers.
And Buck can’t have that, not even for a second.
He rolls on top of Eddie, who releases a deep “oof” at the sudden weight of him. He lets his knees land on either side of Eddie’s hips, holding himself up on his forearms to hover over him, bracketing him with his body.
“Holy fuck,” Eddie breathes, blinking up at him, his hands scrambling to find a home at Buck’s sides.
“ Eddie ,” Buck says urgently, looking down at Eddie beneath him . Eddie who loves him.
“Holy Jesus fuck,” Eddie whispers, fingers skittering up and down Buck’s sides like he doesn’t know what he wants to touch first. “I’m definitely into this. Definitely into it.”
Buck laughs, pressing his face into Eddie’s neck to try and hide it there. It’s sheer joy, erupting from within him without permission.
“Are you laughing at me, you dick?” Eddie smiles, whacking at Buck’s side with the palm of his hand.
Buck lifts his head from Eddie’s neck, finds his eyes, and says, “I love you.”
“Oh,” Eddie says with a small, pleased smile. “Good.”
The grin that takes over Buck’s face cannot be helped and it cannot be stopped. It feels far too gummy and toothy to be anything close to sexy, but he has a feeling Eddie won’t mind.
“This is going to be so good, Eddie,” he grins. Eddie leans his smiling mouth up and Buck meets him in the middle, pressing the words against his lips like a promise. “It’s going to be so good.”
“Yeah,” Eddie croaks. He’s so close Buck can feel every breath. “I think it might be, too.”
With a final kiss to Eddie’s lips, Buck twists his body and drops off him. He lands on the other side of Eddie, shoulder-to-shoulder, looking up at the ceiling.
“Sorry,” he says, suddenly sheepish. “That wasn’t very no-funny-business of me.”
“I don’t know if you noticed,” Eddie starts, pushing up onto an elbow and looking down at Buck. “But I was not complaining.”
“I just want to make sure we do this right,” Buck confesses.
“I know,” Eddie nods. “This has been a lot, all at once. Roll over,” he instructs.
Buck rolls over, facing away from Eddie. Eddie shuffles closer, pushing closer towards him while pulling Buck closer against him, his arms tight around Buck’s middle.
“I had a boyfriend who was not you, like, 7 hours ago,” Buck says, the absurdity of the situation suddenly catching up with him. “Oh my god. Do you think he knew? Is that what he meant??”
“About what?” Eddie asks, leaning up to press a kiss to Buck’s birthmark.
“That I’ve been in love with you this whole time!” Buck elaborates, mortified. “This is so embarrassing.”
“He didn’t know about me, though,” Eddie points out.
“Didn’t he?” Buck asks, suddenly feeling a little insane with it. “You guys - - oh my god,” he gasps. “You guys were practically dating before I flung myself in the middle of it!”
“We were not dating,” Eddie laughs. “He was my friend. My regular friend.”
“He flew you to Vegas!”
“It’s not like he rented me a private jet.”
“I cannot believe I didn’t consider this,” Buck exhales. “Now we’ll never know.”
“Yes we will know,” Eddie corrects. “He was not trying to date me. I was there. There were no… romantic vibes.”
“Fine,” Buck sighs. “Seems suss to me, though.”
“Just because you can’t be friends with me without wanting to bang, doesn’t mean no one else can,” Eddie says right up next to his ear.
“Hey!” Buck protests, slapping Eddie’s hand where it’s squeezing around his middle.
“Again, I am not complaining,” Eddie laughs. “I’m just saying.”
“Well it’s a good thing I shoved myself between the two of you either way, because I would not have handled you two dating very well,” Buck admits.
“You did kind of steal my guy,” Eddie agrees. “My friend guy, but still.”
“Okay, yes,” Buck sighs. “We have established that I am madly in love with you, extremely bi, and was briefly blinded by jealousy. I can’t be held responsible for my actions. They were extenuating circumstances.”
Eddie chuckles right into Buck’s ear and he’s never heard a better sound in his life. He only ever wants to hear Eddie’s laugh up this close, nothing else will ever be good enough again.
“I like this, too,” Eddie says, tightening his hold and lightly jostling Buck in his arms to clarify what he’s referring to.
“Me too,” Buck grins, sinking further into Eddie’s arms. “You have a preference?”
“I think both,” Eddie says thoughtfully. “I like that we can do both.”
Goddamn if that doesn’t sound perfect to Buck.
“Have you thought about telling Chris?” he asks, since neither of them are any closer to sleep.
“About us?”
“About you,” Buck clarifies.
Eddie’s answer is a deep sigh.
Buck shifts onto his back and pulls at Eddie until he gets what he wants, Eddie’s head landing on his chest, Buck’s arms circling around him.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” he whispers into Eddie’s hair.
“I have. Thought about it,” Eddie admits. “It’s kind of all I can think of, now. How to fix things. How to get him back. How to show him that I know who I am, what I want.”
“Where did you land?” Buck asks.
“I think there’s two possible scary outcomes,” Eddie whispers. “One: Chris doesn’t care that I’m not straight,”
“Which he won’t,” Buck says.
“Yeah, I know that he won’t,” Eddie agrees. “But this huge thing for me might not change anything for him, and he still might not want to come home. Or, Chris doesn’t care that I’m not straight, but he does care that I want to be with you .”
That just hangs in the air for a few seconds, while Buck tries to remember to breathe.
“You think he won’t want us to be together?” He croaks.
“I couldn’t even blame him, Buck,” Eddie sighs. “Look how I’ve modelled every other relationship he’s seen. He’d be right to not want me anywhere near you. He loves you.“
And oh.
Okay.
This is a conversation Buck knows how to have.
“He loves you, Eddie,” Buck says, because that is a simple truth of the universe. “You’re his dad. And he’s so lucky that you’re his dad.” He feels Eddie scoff against his chest. “ He is ,” Buck doubles down. “I’d have killed to have parents that cared even half as much as you do. You put in the work to be better for him. Not many parents can say that. Not many parents would do that. You made mistakes, so what? Show him how to make mistakes and learn from them. Show him how you grow from them. Show him. Let him see that you’re good for me. That we’re good together,” Buck begs. He’s not sure when he started begging, but he is. He’s begging.
“Yeah,” Eddie whispers. “Maybe,” he takes a deep breath, slowly lets it out. “I think I want to go to Texas.”
“You should,” Buck smiles. There is, in fact, nothing he wants more than for Eddie to go to Texas and bring Chris home, where he belongs.
“Come with me?” Eddie asks, as if Buck would ever say no to anything Eddie asks of him.
“If you want me there, I’m there.”
“I want you there.”
“Well, then I’m there.”
Eddie lifts his head up, pressing a hand against Buck’s chest for leverage.
“I don’t want to start this without him home,” he confesses.
“Okay,” Buck nods. “That’s okay. It’s probably good to give a little respectful distance between the end date of my last relationship and the start date of this one,” he smiles.
Eddie snorts.
“Don’t go anywhere, though.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Good,” Eddie nods. “And you can still kiss me.”
“Naturally,” Buck smiles, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips.
“And we can do this,” Eddie says, rubbing his hand over Buck’s chest. “The cuddling.”
“Of course,” Buck smiles.
“And maybe,” Eddie coughs, an adorable blush staining his cheeks. “Maybe other things. But we’re just not - - we’re not starting our life together without the other half of it.”
“I know,” Buck promises. “I get it, I promise.”
Eddie lets out a sigh, melting back down against Buck, nuzzling his face against Buck’s chest.
“I like this one,” Buck smiles, rubbing his hand gently over Eddie’s back. “Like having your weight on me.”
“Mm,” Eddie hums. “I like being right here,” he says, tapping his pointer finger over Buck’s beating heart. “Can hear your heartbeat. Could fall asleep.”
He uses the palm of his hand to rub soothing patterns over Eddie’s back, tempting him to give in to the pull of sleep.
“You should,” Buck whispers. “Sleep. We’ll look at flights in the morning.”
“Thank you. Love you,” Eddie mumbles, sleepily.
Buck looks down at the love of his life asleep on his chest and has to fight off the urge to start hysterically giggling. He might just be unreasonably tired — it’s almost definitely that he’s very, very tired — but when he thinks about starting the day with a boyfriend and some Lakers tickets, and ending it with the love of his life and a plane ticket to pick up their kid, he kind of just wants to giggle. And he will, probably, let himself giggle about it, when said love of his love isn’t using his chest as a pillow. Until then, he’s just going to thank every single star in the sky for making Eddie Diaz, and letting him be his.