Chapter Text
The next morning, as the cadets lined up to take the aptitude test - see if and how well they could balance in their harnesses in the stagnant frame set-up - Connie and Gabi walked into the same line, with Falco several spots ahead of them.
Gabi bit her lip as she shifted her weight back and forth in her place, eyeing the shorter boy beside her as possibilities from her next move flashed through her mind. Despite the fear bubbling in her chest, she took a deep breath, mustered her confidence, and grabbed the boy’s shoulder to grab his attention.
Turning back, Connie hummed, “Hm? You need something, Ga- Mia?”
Gabi nodded, “Yeah, while we wait, I… thought I should get something off my chest. I… Do you still hate me? For killing Sasha? I know… I know you told Falco how close you two were. I just…” She lowered her head as her eyes glazed over with barely restrained tears. “...I’m so sorry. I know that an apology won’t undo what I did, and I know that even if we went back in time it doesn’t erase the memory of her death from our minds but-”
“Hey, hey,” Connie held up his hands, cutting her off, “It’s okay. I don’t hate you, G- Mia. I think I stopped hating you before this whole time travel nonsense, actually.”
“Why not?” Gabi snapped back, her head shooting up to look him in the eye, “I took away your best friend when I didn’t even know her name. Worse yet, I bragged about it like… like it was some kind of achievement , like a trophy instead of taking a human life. You should hate me, despise me- Why wouldn’t you?”
Connie countered, “Well, do you hate me for almost sacrificing Fa- Ben, damn this is confusing, to turn my mom back into a human?”
Gabi hesitated, flinching back before shaking her head, “N… No, of course not. You were just desperate and we were strangers from the enemy country. I get it.”
“And you were desperate to avenge your dead friends. You were blinded by emotions, just as me. So we’re both just as bad as each other, you just succeeded while I failed. That’s the only difference.”
“But-”
“Besides, as you said, it doesn’t matter now. Sasha’s alive and sure, she doesn’t remember, but neither does a bunch of people who survived later than her, so whatever. And-” He nudged her lightly with his shoulder, “-Between the two of us, I think you need one of us to forgive you.”
Before Gabi could reply, Shadis’ voice called out over the crowd, “Next up - Ben Grice.”
The duo looked to the front of the lines to see Falco hooked up into the harnesses and lift himself off of the ground. At first, the blond boy shook back and forth, throwing out his arms to either side as he kept a shaky balance.
But, after twenty seconds, he leaned the top of his body slightly forward and the bottom slightly back, kept his arms firmly at his side, and fell into a steady pace of slight tilts back and forth in the mechanism, all shakiness faded away within the first twenty seconds.
Connie whistled, “Not bad. He’s a quick learner.”
Gabi huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, “Whatever, I’ll still end up being the best in the class, just like with the Warriors. Just you wait.”
“Even against Mikasa?”
“...I’ll be second best,” amended Gabi.
What? She can be realistic.
Chuckling, Connie shook his head, “I still wouldn’t be sure about that. After all, I’ve been in the Scouts for nearly five years and look-” He pointed to two others rigged up in the harnesses. One was the red-headed girl who introduced herself as Isabel the day before and the other was a lanky, blond-haired boy that Gabi overheard be called Furlan. Both, like Falco, maintained a steady balance in their harnesses, albeit with far more shakiness from Isabel compared to Furlan.
Connie explained, “I think, ‘cause they seemed to know Shadis, those two have a history with the Scouts. That means they probably have used ODM gear too, so they’re also working with a head start. Plus-” He jabbed a thumb in the direction of the three Warriors from Marley, who all collected into one line. “-There’s the three bastards of course. I swear being a Shifter must give you freaky strength and agility because all the Shifters were top of the class after Mikasa, even Eren.”
Looking between the three groups, frustration bubbled in the girl’s gut as the observations played on loop in her mind. As she turned back to Connie, she scoffed, “Since when were you smart enough to make such deductions? Did you steal some brain cells from Armin in his sleep or something?”
“Hey! I have my moments. Also… you spend enough time around Armin, Hange and Jean over the years and you pick up some things.” To that, Gabi shrugged.
Soon, it was Connie and Gabi’s turn at the harnesses. As they both managed to find their balance and stay upright - Connie managed to become steady within fifteen seconds while Gabi stayed shaky the whole time, but never tipped over. A loud thud caught their attention and they both looked over to the final harness, which showed none other than Eren hanging upside down, his head against the ground and his legs tangled up in the wires.
…Huh. So even the terrifying Founder could be a total screw-up. All her expectations were being defied and it was only day two.
~~~~~
That night, the three sat at the same table in the dining hall, chatting over food. Connie groaned, stirring his soup as he complained, “Aw man, I know it’s a Drill Sergeant's thing but some of the things Shadis shouts is fucking harsh.”
Falco hummed, “Yeah. But… We can all agree that he and Commander Magath would be great friends, right?”
“Oh yeah, absolutely. I knew Magath for a day and I already thought that. If they ever trained a cadet squad together, I would not want to be a part of that squad.”
“Same, “ Gabi agreed, “Especially because they’re both so tough and hard-rooted in their ways that they’d probably wouldn’t stop fighting with each other on how to train us. But if they managed to pull it off, I bet those cadets would be unstoppable because those two are hardcore. As expected of any half-decent Drill Sergeant, obviously.”
“Yeah, if any of those cadets even survive that long,” countered Connie. He shivered, “Ugh, don’t make me think about that.”
“I actually don’t think it would be that bad,” Falco spoke up, taking a sip of his soup, “I think they would actually get along pretty well. I mean as Drill Sergeants of the same cadet squad, not just as friends.”
The other two turned to him and Gabi scoffed, “Are you kidding? Magath would never back down to a ‘filthy Eldian’, even if he was an ally. Sure, he’s got more respect for us than other Marleyans, but you saw how he shot down Colt’s suggestions on the battlefield at Fort Slava. If Shadis made a suggestion that contradicted him, there’s no way he’d listen.”
“First, he didn’t shoot down Colt’s nor your suggestion, remember? He only turned them down when he thought they wouldn’t work, but he still heard them out. Second, I think- no, I know they wouldn’t fight while training their squad because they’re both so similar,” Falco corrected through sips of his water.
He explained, “They’re both tough but not mean , that’s the important thing. Neither of them are Drill Sergeants for the sake of power - well, I’m not sure about Magath but he didn’t strike me as the power-hungry type. And both clearly care about their cadets and Warrior Candidates respectively, even if they weren’t obvious about it.”
Gabi scoffed, “Commander Magath only cared about us because we were valuable weapons and because otherwise all the money spent on us by Marley would go to waste.”
“Do you really believe that?” Falco questioned, setting down his drink to look Gabi straight in the eye. The sharpness in his glare pierced Gabi deep into the soul, causing her to hesitate and shut her mouth, her silence giving a reply in itself.
Connie cut in, “But what does that have to do with anything?”
“The fact they both care means they see this as “tough love”, as Colt once taught me about. It means they’re being tough because they want us to be as prepared as possible for the challenges that await us after training. Meaning…”
“Meaning they’d want to use the best method possible to teach us, which is why if they think the other would have a better idea, they’d be open to listen,” Gabi finished, her eyes widening as she pieced it together in her mind.
“Exactly,” Falco nodded, giving her a bright smile that made the girl smile in turn.
Looking between them, Connie sighed, “I still don’t get it, but that doesn’t change that training under them would still be a nightmare .”
Their conversation was interrupted as Eren entered the dining hall, bandages wrapped around his head and Armin and Mikasa to either side of him. The brunette refused to look anyone in the eye as he grabbed his food and sat down at a corner table opposite the trio. The dining hall all murmured and whispered about the boy’s humiliating display during the test.
Gabi leaned over to Connie and hissed, “Is that seriously the bastard that caused the Rumbling? You said he was top ten you fucking liar, you were trying to sike me out, weren’t you? Because there’s no way someone that pathetic could cause that nightmare. I mean, I was considering killing him in his sleep to save us the trouble-”
“You were not,” corrected Falco with a calm sip of his soup.
“-But now it feels like killing another kid.”
Sighing, Falco set down his spoon, “Okay, first of all, Gabi I know you weren’t thinking of killing Eren because killing him right now is like killing an innocent child, which I know you’re against, don’t try to deny it. And second of all, you’re right that something doesn’t add up. I mean, sure, he doesn’t know about his titan powers yet, but there’s no way he flunked out, right? I mean he told me how he and Reiner were old war buddies, and that couldn’t be from just a couple days in the cadets, yeah?”
Connie nodded, “You’re right. I couldn’t figure it out either, but it turns out Shadis sabotaged his equipment.”
“ What?” blurted out the duo, earning odd looks from those around them.
Giving the other cadets an apologetic wave, Falco asked, “Are you serious? Why would Shadis do that? He doesn’t seem like that type of person.”
Gabi smirked, “I bet Shadis sensed Eren’s devilish nature and was trying to stop him as soon as possible before he could become a threat.” Beside her, Falco rolled his eyes.
“Nah, it’s because he knew Eren’s parents. He had a crush on Eren’s mom, who didn’t want Eren to join the Scouts, and was jealous of Grisha, who did want Eren to join the soldiers. So he probably did it to spite Grisha and respect Eren’s mom’s final wishes.”
Leaning on his hand, Falco smiled, “That’s kind of sweet… I think. But then why did he change his mind?”
Connie teased, “You’ll see. Tomorrow.”
Before Gabi could press for details, the bell marking the end of dinner rang out and the trio grabbed their plates and exited the dining hall.
As Falco walked out of the hall, he didn’t notice the pair of brown eyes watching him from a table in the far corner.
~~~~~
On their way back to the barracks, they heard someone call out for them. Turning back, they saw none other than Eren running towards them with Armin a step behind. Even Gabi could see the desperation in the brunette’s eyes.
Falco asked, “What is it? Did you need something?”
Nodding, Eren replied, “Please… tell me how you guys balance with the ODM set-up. You must have some kind of trick.”
Nonchalant, Connie shrugged, “I don’t know, I just kind of… felt it, you know? I guess I had the gift.” Under his breath he tagged on, “...And seven years of experience.” Luckily, it didn’t seem like the other two boys heard the last part.
Gabi grinned, eager to jump in, “Besides, why should we help you? I heard what you were saying yesterday. What was it, ‘if you don’t have the natural skill to be here, then you should just quit’? Helping you out wouldn’t be natural skill, would it? Maybe take this as a sign that you just don’t have what it takes after all. Not all of us can be naturally skilled, after all-”
“Mia, shut it,” Falco cut in, chopping her in the back of the head, shutting her up. “Sorry about her, her pride makes her an idiot-” Gabi glared at him before he returned her glare and subtly gestured to his scalp, making her stand down. “In truth, it is partially instinct like Connie said. You know how when you lean too far forward without sticking out your leg your body tries to get you to lean back because you feel pulled to fall all the way forwards?”
Eren nodded, his expression fully attentive to Falco’s words.
“That pull is gravity trying to tip you down because your center of mass is out of balance. In this case, you have pulls both upwards and downwards - the tension of the ropes and gravity. So when you feel gravity pull you too hard in one direction, lean in the opposite direction. But when you feel the ropes pull too hard, lean towards it-”
“-To create gravity force to balance out the upwards pull of the ropes, right?” Armin finished, stepping up next to Eren.
“Exactly,” confirmed Falco, before spotting Isabel and Furlan walking by and waving them down, “Hey guys, come here.”
Furlan perked up and walked over, Isabel a step behind him, “Yeah, what is it?”
“Eren’s asking around for advice on how to balance in the ODM harness. You two have anything to tell them?”
With a small smile, Furlan replied, “Sorry, I don’t have much. Isabel and I taught ourselves in the Underground, so even we struggled with the set-up today.”
Isabel shot Eren a thumbs up and added, “But don’t give up! I fell over a whole bunch of times before I finally got it. So long as you’re determined enough, I’m sure you’ll get it down.”
“Hey, we’ve gotta get going, but I wish you luck,” Furlan stated, giving the group a final wave before walking off.
Armin nodded and turned to Eren, “We should get going back to the dorm too. Maybe some of the guys there will have some advice too.” Reluctantly, Eren gave a final wave to the trio before walking to the boys’ barracks.
Once alone, Connie glanced over at Falco and asked, “By the way, why were you so good at the aptitude test today? I know you Shifters got an advantage, but that was almost par-to-par with me, and I’ve been doing this for almost a decade.”
To that, Falco shrugged, “Did you forget what my titan is? I’ve been balancing aerially for years. It was weird working with ropes and arms instead of winds and wings, but it’s a lot of the same techniques.”
“Ah, right, so I’ve got some competition.”
“You’ve got me too,” Gabi insisted, reminding the boys she was still there. Pressing a hand to her chest, she insisted, “Just because I don’t have some advantage like being an Ackerman or a Shifter doesn’t mean you should count me out. You’ll see, I’ll outrank both of you. Just you wait. I refuse to be left behind.” With a final huff, she stomped off.
Watching her go, Connie commented, “Well… that happened.”
Falco sighed, “Sorry, she has a track record of being competitive, but even I haven’t seen her like that.”
“Well, I’ll take that over her constantly talking about murder. Anyway, I’m gonna go chat with Sasha before heading back to the dorms. Night.” Connie saluted and walked off, but Falco didn’t respond, his eyes still fixed on Gabi.
Gabi… what is going on with you?
~~~
As Gabi sat on her bed, she glanced out the window, where a few lanterns lit scattered spots of the training fields. Pressing her lips together, she questioned, “Do you guys know which building holds the ODM gear?”
Yawning, Sasha replied, “You seriously wanna keep trainin’, Mia? Things are gonna get tough, so let’s take it easy while we can, yeah?”
Mikasa nodded, slipping off her boots and slipping into the bed, “Agreed. Besides, you have no idea how to operate the gear. You’ll be risking injury, which could set you further behind in the long run.”
Gabi’s eyes shot across the room towards where Isabel was climbing into her bed. Walking across the room, Gabi grabbed the girl’s ankle before she could climb under the sheet.
When the pig-tailed girl glared back at her, Gabi spoke, “You said earlier that you and that Furlan guy taught yourselves how to use the ODM gear, right? Do you think you could teach me too?”
Isabel’s expression lit up and she grinned, “Yeah! Of course! It’ll be totally fun. We could break Furlan out and all train together. It’ll be fun to be the teacher for once.”
Before Isabel could climb back down the ladder, Mikasa raised her voice, “Don’t even think about it.” The two glanced at her. “Even if you manage to guess which building holds the ODM gear, we don’t have certification to use anything more than the harnesses, meaning you’d technically be stealing them. At best, you’d be kicked out and sent to the fields on the spot. At worst, you’d be arrested if not executed. Just be patient and wait.”
Glancing between the two, Isabel began to protest, but Mikasa shot her a glare as sharp as daggers, as if sending visible shadows across the room the climb into both girls’ souls, slaughtering their confidence and leaving them paralyzed in place.
Isabel’s shoulders slumped and she gave Gabi an apologetic look before climbing back into her bed without speaking another word. Sighing, Gabi sat back down in her seat, pulling her legs close to her chest.
Sasha sat down beside Gabi and asked, “Heya Mia, why are ya so determined to train anyhow? Ain’t ya and Ben plannin’ on joinin’ the Scouts? So your rank don’t matter either way, ya just gotta pass.”
Gabi snapped, “You’re telling me to just slack off? Not a chance. You can slack off if you want, but I came here to be stronger, to be the best . Which means being top of my class, no matter what it takes.”
Sasha flinched back, but didn’t reply, so Gabi scoffed and laid down in her bed, hiding her head under her sheet to discourage the other girl from speaking up.
She didn’t notice the look of understanding from the black-haired girl across the aisle.
~~~~~
Meanwhile, as Falco sat in his own barracks, he spotted Eren walking in, the defeated look in the other boy’s eyes telling all it needed to about his search for answers from the other cadets. Eren fell-face first onto his bed, letting a low groan fill the room.
Falco called out, “Hey, Eren.”
“Hm?”
“Why… are you so determined to be a soldier? I know you’re from Shiganshina, so you…” He lowered his gaze and continued, “...You know how terrifying those creatures-”
He flew high above the gas’s reach, but his eyesight gave him full view of his family and the soldiers from Paradis turning into giant, monstrous creatures, their personalities all but erased within seconds. All sense of familiarity forgotten with a flash of golden lightning.
“-How terrifying the world outside can be. How quickly things can…”
Another memory arose of him running through the once familiar streets turned to rubble, of him looking up at the buildings he stared up at for years rendered to burning piles of ruins in seemingly an instant. When he looked upon the terrain, he didn’t see a single shred of the warmth and comfort he sought for years, only blood stains and destruction.
“...render into a hellish place. So-” He lifted his head to look at Eren. “Why do it? Why willingly return to that hell?”
Eren lifted his head just enough to glare at Falco, “You’re not telling me that I’m delusional too, are you? Because I’m seriously fucking tired of it.”
“Not at all. Believe me, I know how tragedy can motivate you to do insane things-”
He grabbed onto Gabi’s sleeve, desperately clinging to the little bit of familiarity he had left. Not that he deserved it when this was his fault, his fault, his fault. But he knew the look in her eye, he saw the barely restrained tears, the shakiness in her arms as they clung to the bloodied rifle, the inferno in her glare that matched the sharpness of her words. He knew his words fell on deaf ears.
“-More than you think. But still, I can tell you’re not just doing this to find the titan to kill your mom. I just…” He lowered his head again as he continued. “...I don’t get how you guys can have such big motivations.”
“Well, what about you?” Eren countered, “If you don’t have some big motivation, why are you here? Don’t tell me you’re just gonna try to take it easy like that horse-faced bastard.”
“Not at all. Let’s just say I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice but to join the cadets and, one day, join the scouts. Plus, Mia wants to join the scouts and I- well, we have to stay together, so that meant I had to follow her.”
Eren nodded, “That’s respectable, I guess. A better reason than Jean, at least. I mean I still think it’s ridiculous to risk yourself for someone else’s sake, but there’s worse reasons. For me, that very hell is my motivator. Not just-” His breath caught for a moment. “Not just because of my mom, but because of all the innocent people who died that day. If I just sit back and don’t do all I can to fight back against the titans, if I sit back and accept things as they are, then it’s like they all died in vain. No, worse. It’s like we’re fucking spitting on their deaths.”
“And… that’s worth diving into hell for?”
“Absolutely. I dive into that hell so that humanity can be freed from the titans. That way, one day, humanity will be free and this world won’t be a hell anymore.”
Falco frowned, lowering his head as his gaze drifted to the window between them. Under his breath, he muttered, “I wish things could be that simple.”
After a moment, he turned his gaze back towards Eren and advised, “Talk to Reiner and Bertholdt. I bet they’ll teach you better than I ever could.”
Eren shot up in his bed as his face lit up, “Thanks, Ben!” Without wasting another moment, Eren rushed out of the barracks, slamming the door behind him and leaving the blond boy alone. Now isolated with his thoughts, a memory buried in his mind rose to the surface.
He clearly recalled the crackling electricity flowing through his veins, turning his blood to fire and paralyzing his thoughts. His skin burned and his bones itched; his senses quickly melting away into numbness. Even though he knew people were shouting at him, he couldn’t hear it through the crackling thunder in his ears, in his mind. All his panic, his worry, his emotions faded into the background, erased from his mind as his sense-of-self turned to ash.
Soon, he found himself staring down at the dots below, but he no longer recognized the terrain, the faces. He recognized not the teary-eyed brunette watching him from nearby nor the burning military corpse at his feet. Not that he cared. No, none of that mattered anymore.
In the back of his mind, he faintly heard a voice commanding him, a voice that sounded familiar, but he no longer cared to try to put a name to the voice. He barely even understood what the voice said, but his body still obeyed.
His focus settled on the armored titan kneeling on the street in front of him, too preoccupied pinning the other titan to the ground to notice him. Without wasting a breath, he rushed towards the titan.
Hungry, hungry, hungry!
He needs to eat, needs to consume, needs to swallow this armored titan. No, not titan, fake! Fake titan! Fake titan needs to be eaten! He’s hungry, hungry, hungry!
What happened next was a blur. One moment he was pinned to the ground, just like the fake titan beside him, and the next he was freed, able to reach for the armored titan’s nape, ready to swallow the fake whole., and the moment after, his attention shifted from the tough-to-beat fake titan to the bleeding, stumbling human limping towards them.
The human shouted something with a broken laugh, but he couldn’t understand it, nor did he care. No, all he cared about was satisfying his insatiable hunger, and now an easy meal laid itself out in front of him.
Time to eat! Eat! Eat!
As he swept the human into his mouth, who never resisted the attack, he could taste the coppery blood roll down the sides of his throat, the guts pooling in his stomach, temporarily satisfying his hunger. An electricity cracked across his skin and-
Nothing. Blackness. A sickening numbness except for the lingering sensations of guilt and grief bubbling in his chest.
Pulling his knees impossibly closer to his chest, Falco repeated, “I wish things could be that simple.”