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It had been 4 months since the breakup when he gets the call.
“Did you know?”
“Hello Chim, how are you Chim? I’m good, thank you for asking,” answers Buck.
“I just saw Tommy at the hospital, Buck.”
His breath stops, his heartbeat quickening as he stands, adrenaline coursing through his body
“What… what happened? Is he hurt? Is he -?”
“He’s not hurt, but… he’s not ok Buck. I know it ended badly between you… but Buck? I think you should come to the hospital.”
His keys were in his hands and the door closing behind him before chimney cut the call. He uses every trick he knows about driving in the city, speeding and cutting in the right places, turning in others.
He reaches the hospital in record time, finding a parking lot and looking at the building in front of him, breathing deeply before leaving it and speed walking to the hospital doors where he can see Chimney waiting.
“What’s going on?” He asks as soon as he join his friend, almost recoiling when he sees the face that chimney is making, the sorrow in his eyes as he grimaces at Buck, “you said he wasn’t hurt…” he whispers, fear filling his chest.
“He’s not… not like we’re used to…. Come.”
Chimney turns around to the elevators where other people are waiting, the presence of strangers is the only reason he’s not pushing Chim to answers him. His heart is beating so hard, he’s wondering how other people can’t hear it and turn to him, but everyone is ignoring him l, him and the scenarios flashing in his head.
They let a few floors go before getting off with other people. He doesn’t see the name of the floor as people are standing in front of the guide, but he knows it’s not a floor he recognizes, at least he knows it’s really not related to the ICU, he knows these floors by heart.
Chimney walk in front of him, they reach the open waiting room where he can read: “Floor 6: oncology”.
His heart goes from 100 to 0 in a second. “Chim?” He asks with the smallest voice he heard from himself.
Chimney ignores him, and keeps walking through the doors and a hall until they reach a door with “Treatment in progress - please be quiet”
Chimney turns around, his eyes as solemn as when Buck arrived. “He’s alone,” he says, “I know he hurt you, and I know you’d rather not see him again, but… I think he needs you, Buck.”
Buck takes a deep breath as Chimney step aside to let Buck access the door. He looks at the doorknob for what feels like hours, knowing that once opened, what he fears, what he knows but still can pretend not to, will be reality.
He turns it and pushes the door open. The room has a few seats, but only one is filled. He can’t stop the sob that escapes his throat seeing Tommy with an IV attached to his arm, his arm who lost so much of its mass, like the rest of his body, he recognizes the cap on his head, one he bought for Tommy when they went to the stadium together and they both bought something to the others to remember the day, but this time he can’t see Tommy’s curls coming out of the sides.
His sob must have been louder than he thought as Tommy turn his head toward the door and see Buck there.
“I wish you didn’t have to see me like that Bu-Evan…” he amends when he sees Buck’s mouth opening at the name.
“When did you-? Is that why-? Tommy, what’s going on?” he asks, his feet rooted in the floor.
Tommy sighs, before raising his hand toward Evan in an invitation, one that Buck accepted readily. Walking toward Tommy as if this simple feat had freed him from his prison, he grabbed Tommy’s hand as he sits next to him.
“I’m so sorry Evan…” he whispers, looking at the younger man.
“When did you know?” asks Buck.
He watches as Tommy closes his eyes for a second, and before he hears it, he knows.
“The day before our anniversary…”
“Is that why-?” he sobs, a tear escaping his eye, “is that why you broke up with me?”
“I couldn’t let you watch me like that, Evan, hurting you every day as you watch me go through this.”
“So you decided to hurt me as soon as you could?! Tommy, what the fuck?!?”
“It’d be easier for you if you hated me, when I- “Tommy stops himself, turning his head away.
“When you what? When you what, Tommy?” he sobs, tears flowing from his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” says Tommy, freeing his hand from Buck’s hold to rub at the tears on his face.
“What is…” he gasps, before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, “what is the diagnostic?” he asks.
Tommy looks at him, his eyes roaming Buck’s face before his mouth opens, “stage 3 lung cancer,” he whispers.
“What are the chances?”
He feels Tommy's finger rub under his eyes again, cleaning the latest tears, “13 to 36%, closer to 20 for me if I believe my doctor” “
“Tommy…” gasps Buck, before rushing forward and pulling Tommy in the tightest hug he ever gave him, hearing the older man wheeze from it.
“Careful baby, I’m not as strong as before,” he tries to joke but Buck free him immediately, guilt on his face, and more tears coming at the fear of having hurt Tommy, “hey, hey, it’s ok, I’m still strong enough for your hugs.”
His hands go back to Buck’s face,
“I’m so sorry Evan, walking away … it was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. But protecting you from this … from worse than a simple break up, I-“
“Simple break up? Tommy, I was in love with you! When you left … when you left, my heart went with you. For weeks, I don’t even remember what I did, to be honest. I just know it was enough not to lose my job, but I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sleep. Tommy, you didn’t protect me from anything, you just left me behind …”
He sees a tear drop from Tommy’s eye. “loved, uh?”
“ I… I still do,” he confesses, before turning his head away, feeling his skin too tight, too raw after admiring it.
“I love you too, Evan, I know I hurt you. Fuck, it was the goal after all. I know what I did and I’m so sorry.. if I could …”
“Would you change it?”
“I could never not try to protect you Evan, not if I could…”
“You’re such an asshole, you know?” he huffs.
A sad smile spread on Tommy’s face, “I know baby, I know,” he says, his hand cupping Buck’s face.
“What now?” asks Buck, rubbing his face against Tommy’s hand, something he never thought he’d ever experience again.
“I don’t know Evan..”
“Don’t send me away again,” he begs.
“Never, never again,” he answers, his hand sliding behind Buck’s head to guide him toward his, their lips meeting as their tears flow freely.