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it hurts to be something, it’s worse to be nothing with you

Summary:

Katsuki’s arms are folded over his chest and he’s leaning back against the All Might covered wall - cause he’s in fucking Deku’s room. And five other people are in there with him.

Deku himself, who’s sitting on his bed, fat tears dripping off his chin. Dunce is to his right, Shitty Hair’s at his left. Sero’s sitting on the computer chair near Deku’s bed.

And finally, Halfie’s sitting right the fuck next to Deku. He’s got his arm curled around Deku’s waist, other hand cupping his freckled face and he’s showing more emotion now than Katsuki’s ever seen the past 2 years of knowing the guy. Fucking sick.

*

Or: Sweet, fair Deku can’t choose between his friends, especially not when they all love him so dearly. So they share him. (Katsuki doesn't like to share, though.)

Notes:

here’s the dj that loosely inspired this: https://myreadingmanga.info/kinugoshi-body-kin-r18-round-2-boku-no-hero-academia-dj-eng/ ^^ it’s perfect!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

To be clear: Katsuki’s not fucking mad at Deku. He’s honest to god, fucking not. He’s angry at himself because he isn’t sure how he didn’t see something like this coming. 

It’s fucking Deku.

Earnest, good to his very last bone, fair, loving, kind Deku.

Katsuki’s arms are folded over his chest and he’s leaning back against the All Might covered wall - cause he’s in fucking Deku’s room. And five other people are in there with him.

Deku himself, who’s sitting on his bed, knees beneath his body, hands resting on his legs and face flushed with fat tears dripping off his chin. Cute as fucking ever. Dunce is to his right, Shitty Hair’s at his left. Sero’s is sitting on the computer chair near Deku’s bed. And finally, Halfie’s sitting right the fuck next to Deku. He’s got his arm curled around Deku’s waist, other hand cupping his freckled face and he’s showing more emotion now than Katsuki’s ever seen the past 2 years of knowing the guy. Fucking sick.

But yeah, back to the point. Deku’s fucking crying and Katsuki’s pissed but he can’t say he’s really surprised. 

“I—I really can’t choose, I’m sorry, ‘m sorry, sorry guys,” Deku’s fucking shaking. Trembling, actually. So hard he’s making the bed jerk with his sudden, uncontrollable movements. He’s trying to catch his tears tears with his hands and Katsuki gets the urge to fucking lock them up but he’s way too far away.

Halfie’s not though, and he takes fucking advantage of that. Katsuki knows that Todoroki knows Katsuki’s burning a hole into his fucking skull as he presses his lips to Deku’s flushed, wet cheek. 

Todoroki glares at Katsuki from his peripheral and the flat of his tongue drags up against Deku’s face, lapping up a stray tear drop that Katsuki fucking knows taste salty. Goddamnit.

A fucking bastard

Deku doesn’t even seem to notice and Katsuki knows he wouldn’t mind even if he did notice. But he’s too busy sobbing his cute little heart out, anyway.

“I just, just—nngh, I love, love all of you guys so much,” Deku cries. “You’re all muh-my friends. And you’re all special to me in different ways, I … I can’t put-put anyone above everyone else. It doesn’t feel fair? And-and you’ve all done so much for me. You’ve all helped, helped me so much. I … I wanted to be honest. I really can’t choose. I don’t want to choose. I'm sorry for letting you guys down, 'm really sorry.”

It’s quiet in Deku’s bedroom then. Y’know, aside from the sniveling and gasping and hitched breaths from the nerd and where he sits, trembling on his bed. Katsuki only glances at everyone else out the corner of his eye and he can tell they’re all kind of at a fucking standstill now.

Sharing Deku wasn’t an issue, not in the beginning, not to anyone really, cause. Well - none of the extras fucking expected to start to want more than just his sweet ass. Katsuki sure as fuck didn’t expect everyone else to fall in love with what's so clearly fucking his. All of this would fuckin’ - go away and they could get back to the plot. He’d be all fucking Katsuki’s again, just like he’s supposed to be. 

This only came about in the first place ‘cause the nerd’s so goddamn reckless. ‘Cause he wanted to play fucking vigilante and and get himself all dirtied and hurt with fucking circles on his eyes and bruises all over that pretty face of his. Since then, nobody wants to let him out of their sight. Clinging to him, holding onto him, wanting him close. And it all just fucking - escalated after the war. For everyone. Kaminari started kissing Deku's nose and suddenly Kirishima was fond of neck kisses with Deku. And then Katsuki blinked and it was like everyone needed their fucking dick in Deku to be sure he wasn't going anywhere. Trauma response or revelation? Katsuki doesn’t fucking know. He doesn’t fucking care, either. 

He just wants everyone to back the fuck up already.

“Midoriya …” Todoroki says. Voice deep, firm, but coated in that fucking care and emotion only reserved for when his eyes are on the nerd. Deku turns to the Halfie, eyes wide and filled with water, bottom lip quivering. The room is quiet before Todoroki says, resolutely: “I love you.”

Katsuki fucking chokes on his spit and presses his palm over his eyes. It’s like the fucker didn’t hear a word the nerd said. Todoroki's the only bastard Katsuki's really worried about. He's had gooey heart eyes for the nerd since the Sports Festival last year.

“Okay: what the hell?” Sero says.

“Dude, are you even listening to Midoriya??” Denki raises his hand, waving it around like they’re in the fucking classroom. “He just said he can’t choose! We made this hard on him, the least you could do is keep the confession to yourself, don’t ya think?”

“Yeah man," Kirishima sighs. "We know you’re taking this hard, we all are, right? But—” 

Todoroki shakes his head. “Oh, but I’m not confessing anything. I love Midoriya; I love all of him and all the decisions he may make,” the bastard’s still fucking staring longingly at Deku, likes he’s the only fucking precious thing in existence. Katsuki can’t actually blame him for that one, but that’s just a universal thing so the agreement doesn’t count. “I love you and only you with my whole heart, even if you can’t love me with yours. I respect your decisions because they’re yours and you’re so honest, Midoriya, so earnest and true to what you believe and what you think is right in your eyes — how can I not love those decisions even if they contradict my personal desires?”

Katsuki catches Kirishima pinching the bridge of his nose out the corner of his eye. Mumbles “This guy, ” beneath his breath.

“To—Todoroki,” Deku whispers, clearly in awe at the easy acceptance. His face is scrunching and his eyes are filling with tears again. He places his hands over the ones Todoroki has cupping his face and lets Todoroki tilt his head back to kiss him. 

What a fucking suck up, is Katsuki’s immediate thought.

Except—Todoroki’s fucking … not. Not really. There’s truth in his words to him, a reason he said them. It’s the same reason why he’s kissing Deku even after Deku just told all of them they could never had him to themselves just now. He means them, his words. He knew what he was signing up for when he chose to love Deku — everyone in this room did. Except Katsuki.

Katsuki used to have Deku all to himself. His, fucking only his. And he thinks he’s only got himself to blame for this giant mess now. If only he’d—grabbed his chance sooner, if only he’d held his arms around Deku, if only he hadn’t fuckin’ let go - fuck. Fuck.

His hands are in his pockets as he watches. 

“It … it wasn’t fair of us, was it?” Kaminari says. He’s hunching into himself, looks exceptionally small with drawn brows and poked out cheeks. “To, uhh. Make you choose like that. I-I mean you’re right, dude. We’re all your friends. And we’re all friends with each other and … and ahh, this is all so hard…!”

But it isn't, not really. Deku and Katsuki are kind of hung in the stars. Painted from the beginning with the end goal clear in whatever legendary painter's mind to be displayed like timeless, endless love. He knows it, he fucking knows he's right about this. It's fucking annoying.

Deku pouts, wide eyes getting shinier with his tears. “I—I’m sorr—”

“Hey - none of that,” Kirishima says the same time Todoroki presses his palm over Deku’s mouth. Deku blinks owlishly behind Todoroki’s large hand and it could almost bring a smile to Katsuki’s face if his heart wasn’t plummeting to the literal pits of his fucking ass. Kirishima’s walking over to Deku then, smiling his toothy grin good-naturedly. Or trying his fucking best, Katsuki supposes. Kirishima points to himself with his thumb. “I … I dunno about the other guys, but Midoriya? I kinda figured somethin’ like this was gonna happen, haha. I was ready for you to not choose anyone at all - let alone me. You’re just …” he’s rubbing at the back of his neck with his large palm and laughs quietly. “You’re you. You know?”

Katsuki rolls his eyes to the back of his skull, squeezing his arms harder over his chest.

“Kiri … well, he does have a point, haha.” Sero courses his fingers through his long, black strands. Shoots a wink at Deku. “Honestly, man? ‘M glad you can’t really make up your mind. Some of you - it’s better than none of you.”

“See, Midoriya?” Todoroki says - practically mumbles it since he’s fucking hogging Deku’s entire face next second. “We can do this. We don’t mind doing it like this. I don’t, I really don’t. Not at all, not for you.” His hands are shaking from where he’s holding Deku’s waist, kissing him and kissing him and fucking kissing all of what should be Katsuki’s. 

“You, you—you guys,” Deku sniffles. His rosy knees are knocking themselves together when Todoroki tries slotting himself between. His half-hearted attempts to block Todoroki’s large body doesn’t do shit, though. Never fucking does, either. Todoroki’s between Deku’s legs successfully, already rocking his hips against Deku’s. Mumbling "Midoriya, Midoriya, Midoriya" like the fucking nerd-addict he always is. And Deku’s head falls all the way back so he’s resting against Sero’s chest while Kirishima tugs up his shirt and Kaminari’s working on his pants. Deku’s panting now, huffing, pretty. Cheeks cherry red but spotted and blotched like watercolor strawberries. He tugs at the sheets beneath him as he squirms and gasps when Todoroki fills him up. “You guys, guys are sooo, so—nice, an-and, good, good to me—!”

Something fucking burns in Katsuki's chest. Reduces his insides right to fucking ashes like acid when Todoroki starts rocking Deku's body with his thrusts. When Deku's cute self his holding onto Kaminari and resting on Sero's shoulder and Kirishima's drinking up his moans. Deku's lashes flutter and he peers through his watery gaze at Katsuki. He pouts, lifts a hand and makes grabbing-motions with his fingers. Squeezing the air again and again.

Katsuki sighs. Clicks his tongue and turns his head. 

He leaves cause he isn’t doing this shit. Not tonight. Just not fucking tonight.

The only reason he passes up the chance to have a piece of Deku when he’d usually be butting heads with Halfie, right at his side and ready to fucking devour Deku like he’s dessert is — is because Katsuki knows that somewhere … something in Deku already fucking knows what the correct answer is. Already knows what it’s gonna be in years’ time.

He knows it, he fucking knows it. (He hopes and he hopes and god fucking damn does he hope.)

It’s because he knows there’s gonna be a knock on his dorm door hours and hours later. And Deku’s gonna be in nothing but an oversized hoodie with cute socks, all washed up. Gonna smell like honey and chai. Rose and vanilla and he’s gonna be blinking up at Katsuki with his shimmery emerald eyes, peering at him through the dewy clump of his long green lashes. And Katsuki’s gonna get a chance to have all of Deku, like he fucking should. Like he’s fucking supposed to.

“Kacchan,” Deku whispers. Voice sweet, something goddamn sacred. So, so sacred, the way Deku's name for him melts from his tongue like liquid sugar. Deku’s fingers are curling together, his socked toes pressing into the floor beneath him. “Umm … is Kacchan mad…?”

Not at you, Katsuki wants to say. Never at you.

“Perfect,” is what falls past his lips instead. Katsuki’s dazed. Entranced by the bath soap coming off Deku’s damp curls, by the rose-colored cheeks of Deku’s glass cheeks with dotted stars over the bridge of his nose. Katsuki whispers, “You’re perfect, Deku. Let me have you. Only me.”

And then - “Anything Kacchan wants. Anything.”

So Katsuki’s got him on his back and he’s buried to the fucking hilt in Deku’s ass. Deku’s legs are curled around Katsuki’s heated, scarred waist, the fat of his freckled thighs squishing softly against Katsuki’s skin. 

“It’s me,” Katsuki tells Deku as he fucks him. He’s fucking him like he’s never gonna get to fuck another hole again. And - he won’t if it isn’t Deku’s. Never if he isn’t looking down at Deku’s rosy fucking cheeks. His breaths come out heavy, hot against Deku’s mouth as Deku’s walls squeeze pretty and warm around Katsuki’s dick. As Deku is whining and panting and crying against Katsuki’s lips, his mouth, as he lets Katsuki share his fucking air and drink up all the pretty sounds flying past his lips. Says, “It’s gonna be me, eventually. Why else would you be here? Why else would you let me fuck you like this, Deku, hm? Just us, none of the fucking extras around, breaking the goddamn arrangement? Why.”

“K—Kacch—Kacchan, wait—!” Deku’s shaking his head, snot is running from his red nose, his lips are quivering and the pads of his fingers are slipping off every area of skin he’s trying to use to hold onto Katsuki. Deku’s sobbing, “Kacchan, Kacchan, Kacchan is … is …!”

Tell me,” Katsuki demands. He grabs Deku’s thigh, digs his nails into the fat there as he harshly tugs Izuku’s body back to meet his hips in time with his brutal thrusts. He’s panting hard, sweat running down his temple, down the side of his face. His cheeks are burning, heart thundering loud in his chest, echoing in his head. “Tell me, Deku. Fucking tell me, tell me it’s me, tell me you’re gonna fucking choose me.”

Deku whines, distraught, shaking his head. He pulls his hands away from Katsuki entirely to press them all the way against his red face. So he can fucking hide from Katsuki.

“Kacchan’s mean! Kacchan’s being—being mean to me,” he cries. “I love my friends …! Kaminari-kun and, and Kirishima-kun, and Sero-kun, and … and Shouto.”

Katsuki grits his teeth, his nails dig into Deku’s skin. His eyes fucking burn.

“But ... Kacchan,” Deku whispers, breathless. “Kacchan is …” 

“Princess,” Katsuki breathes. Lets a steady stream of air pass right out with his words. And then he’s bringing it back in before calmly pushing it out again. He slows his hips and opens his eyes so he can take Deku’s face in his palms. So he can fucking stare him down. He draws his brows, glares into green eyes. “Princess. Who do you think you belong to? Hmn?”

Deku’s putty in his palms. Melted into a goddamn puddle, speech slurred, eyes unfocused, all unsteady. That’s his. All fucking his, it’s gotta be. Has been since the beginning. And sure, Katsuki’s fucking tripped a few times. He’s stumbled and found himself swimming in mud when he thought he’d be floating in a fucking ocean of ease. But … but he’s there, ain’t he? He fucking got there—got here. To this point, this moment. Right here, right now with Midoriya Izuku in his arms, eyes filled with tears that are made from nothing but love, love, love. Just all fucking love. Holding him like he should, holding him ‘cause he’s everything that is so fucking precious about the world. Holding him like he’s got the goddamn universe beneath him cause he’s Izuku’s eyes hold moons and his freckles are all the stars and he is the fucking sun.

“It's me, Deku,” Katsuki finds himself tracing the structure of Deku’s face as he says it. “Always has been, hasn’t it?”

“Kacchan’s not fair,” Deku cries. “Kacchan’s never fair.”

“Come on, baby, I know you can do it. I know you can tell me, I know it, I fucking know you can.”

Deku sniffles. His neck’s drowning in his tears, Katsuki’s soaked with them.

“Tell me, tell me, tell me,” Katsuki pleads. Asks over and over as he rocks into Izuku. And softer than he means, “Izuku, say my goddamn name.” He presses his mouth to Deku’s, tugs on his bottom lip for a moment and sucks. Deku’s salty ‘cause of his tears. And that’s sweet to Katsuki. And against his mouth, Katsuki sounds out the first syllable, “Kaaa…” Deku makes the sweetest fucking noise in response and Katsuki nods his head, encouraging. “Ka … cchan.”

Deku’s twitching beneath him, his knuckles are digging into Katsukis shoulders, twisting and blistering his skin. His head’s already thrown back and he’s panting quick against Katsuki’s mouth. Katsuki drinks up the whines, shares Deku’s breath, and guides Deku’s mouth with his own.

“Kacchan,” Katsuki mumbles again.  “Say it, Deku. Say Kacchan. Ka-cchan.”

“Kacchan,” Deku says. Whispers it like it’s a secret. Maybe cause right now it is.

Kacchan, there you go, baby. There you go.”

“Kacchan, Kacchan,” Deku whines.

“Mmm, fuck. That’s right, Princess, now — now ‘m the one you fucking want, right? It’s me, it’s your Kacchan, yeah? Who is it? Who’re you gonna choose, baby?”

Kacchan,” Deku squeezes Katsuki’s shoulders. He arches his back, lifts himself off the bed to curve into Katsuki, burning his skin with the tightness of his grip as Katsuki rocks into him, bringing him closer to his peak. “Kacchan—Kacchan, I, I love Kacchan, I love—!”

Gorgeous tears are in his baby’s eyes. Katsuki’s got his face in his hands before he’s throwing his own head back in ecstasy, fucking sloppily into Deku, losing his pace, his goddamn kind running away from him - God, he fucking aches. Everything fucking aches.

He wants him, he wants him, Katsuki fucking wants Deku all to himself so fucking bad. 

“I want Kacchan,” Deku’s mumbling beneath him, past his moans, through his cries. His legs are trembling around Katsuki, he’s jerking as he cums all over himself, twitching when Katsuki fucks him through it, his own orgasm pounding through him as he spills into Deku. “I want Kacchan, Kacchan, I — I want—”

“I know, baby, I know,” Katsuki can hardly get the words out. 

He’s squeezing Deku’s thighs, digging his nails into him as he shoots his load, rolls his hips to get it as deep as it can possibly fucking go. He’s breathing hard over Deku, jerking from his own orgasm. He swallows, the back of his hand pressed against Deku’s wet, snotty, tear-stained face. 

“Kacchan, ‘m sorry,” Deku sobs.

Katsuki catches a stray tear and grins. “The fuck’re you cryin' about, huh?”

“But,” Deku’s sniveling, blubbering, shaking his head. “Buh-but, but—”

“But nothing,” Katsuki tells him. He kisses Deku again and again and again. “But nothing, Deku. I know. Right? Now I fucking know. And now I can fucking wait. Cause you just said it - you just told me. Eventually: it’s me. Maybe not fucking today. Maybe not tomorrow, hell. Maybe not even next fucking year.”

Deku’s shaking his head, tears racing down his cheeks and Katsuki thinks it’s all for naught, stupid fucking nerd. He licks up the saltiness of one of Deku’s stray tears and kisses Deku’s cheek.

“But eventually, maybe in years’ time. It’ll be me.”

Notes:

dkbowl canon. for my tdiz lovers, i'm also a tdiz lets just pretend they find smthng that works so shouto isn't sad skjdsknd

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