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It hadn’t taken much to trigger him. It seemed like anything could these days, and it really irked Jimmy that he had such a short fuse lately. It wasn’t with everything though. He knew that it was really only in regards to Joel and the stupid toy bit.
It was everywhere. He couldn’t step foot in his own base without it being thrown in his face how the others saw him. So Jimmy had finally had enough. He’d shot off towards Stratos to confront Joel and get him to stop this whole mess.
Stomping through the halls, his fuse grew even shorter the longer it took to find Joel. The god seemed to always show up exactly when Jimmy didn’t want to see him, but the moment Jimmy wanted to talk, he was nowhere to be found.
“JOEL!”, he yelled out, voice ringing through the empty buildings, “COME OUT! WE NEED A CHAT” As he left one building and started to cross the bridge to another, a voice finally called out to him, smug as always.
“Well, well, well, what’s a little toy doing all the way up here? Did someone misplace you?” Joel landed and continued on his way, not even pausing to acknowledge Jimmy’s presence. The smaller sheriff tried his best to keep up, but it was impossible with their size difference. Joel was in his larger form, each step taking him further and further from Jimmy, even as the other ran to try and keep up. “No matter what it is, I’m a bit busy at the moment. Maybe I could grab Hermes to play with you while I finish this up?” He held a smile in his voice, as though he’d just said the most clever thing.
Jimmy felt his face grow hot with anger as he watched Joel move around his build, obviously not doing anything of actual importance. He had been brushed to the side and made to wait just so Joel could keep this illusion of power over him. It was ridiculous, it was infuriating, and it was ending now
For so long now, the small sheriff had had to live in a world not made for him. He'd had to strain his neck, looking up to even have a chance at meeting the gaze of his friends. He’d had to put in so much effort to even interact with the World. Building was just a mess, trying to juggle blocks and structures. Moving from one place to another, the Empires were huge, and he had been forced into such a small shell. Trying to join in with his friends, to play and live was too difficult. The impressive presence of the God of Stratos had been even worse, with such a size difference of less than a foot, trying to engage in any sort of conversation with the 11 ft. God… It always felt like such a chore, such a challenge that was impossible to win. To have to catch the attention of the towering figure of his ‘friend’... though that title felt like it had been slipping away day by day. This whole experience was too much, and Jimmy was done with it all. The toy games, the dehumanization, the depreciation of his work. It was going to stop.
“ Enough! Blue Creeper, Beans.” The words were filled with vitriol, Jimmy putting every ounce of his feelings into them, “I am sick of this game, and it needs to stop.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, it was as though they were frozen in time. Jimmy’s eyes burning with frustrated rage, while Joel’s wide eyed gaze stared back, as though surprised to hear those words. They were the emergency words all the Empire Players knew. If something was happening, if something was truly wrong, you had to listen.
And in a blink of an eye, Jimmy was back to normal. His sheriff gear, gone, replaced by his simple blue jacket and black slacks. The World now fits, or rather… he now fits in the World. And in a strange reverse of what had been his normal for so long, he had to look down at Joel now.
Joel, whose cocky sneer had fallen into dismay, whose proud and stuck up presence had all but disappeared, whose entire being seemed to want to be as small as Jimmy’s had been not a moment before. The God of Stratos was nowhere to be seen, and all that was left was his shorter friend, back in his brown vest and white shirt. A clean shaven face obscured by dark strands of hair and a bowed head.
It threw him off for a moment, because Jimmy hadn’t done it. He hadn’t pulled up the code and pushed past Joel’s little Lore that had been shoved onto him yet, and now it was all gone.
“Wha-” Jimmy voiced, lifting his arms and taking a step back to look over everything as he found himself back to normal.
He turned back towards Joel, a bit thrown off by the immediate action, but still determined to say his piece. All he had suffered through didn't go away just because he was back to normal. If he left it as is, both Joel and Jim would be back to the God and the Sheriff roles with nothing solved between them.
The two stared at each other, eyes meeting. Jimmy's own were partially obscured by frustrated tears and he immediately wanted to brush them away, because the moment Joel saw him crying, Joel made a wounded noise.
“Wait, what? ‘blue creeper’?, Jim.. I didn't, it's just a joke.” Joel stated, his voice slowly falling as he realized the seriousness of the situation. “I-I didn't think it was so rough on you, I'm sorry,”
Where he had been strutting before, now Joel shuffled forwards, reaching out towards Jim, as though reaching for forgiveness or acceptance.
Jimmy unconsciously took a step back. For so many months he's been in constant flight mode whenever Joel reached for him. He'd constantly been on guard for when the other would go against him. There has been too much of a power difference between them for Jimmy to have a chance at fight… so all that was left of was to flee.
The movement didn't go unnoticed by Joel, whose face immediately fell into despair. Jimmy was angry and afraid, and now Joel knew… he had seen Jimmy's true feelings about this.
Joel shrank back as though he was trying to hide away from his previous actions.
Was Joel always so small? It felt wrong. The man was always one to puff himself up, to fill up a room with his very presence and put on a show, and yet all of that was gone as Joel curled into himself, apologies spilling out of his lips.
Jimmy felt a wave of worry and compassion come over him that he immediately wanted to get rid of. He had been so angry with Joel, and yet now, it was all threatening to leave just because his friend was putting on this…. show of remorse.
He didn’t want it to. It didn’t feel fair to have come all this way, to finally confront the other about all the problems he’d have, to have built up the courage and finally allowed himself to acknowledge that this was wrong…. And now it was being pushed to the side because his stupid self couldn’t dare see his friends upset.
“Joel, no, Joel, shut up. You can’t just say you’re sorry and be done with it.” His voice almost shook, but he wouldn’t let it. This was Jimmy’s time to be emotional. It was Jimmy who was hurt. Joel can’t just turn it around like that, it wasn’t fair.
A snide voice inside his head whispered that this was purposeful on Joel’s part, that the other was being manipulative and pulling Jimmy’s strings, just as he had been before with all the toy nonsense, just trying to get a rise out of him. It was all just a game, really, nothing more.
But Jimmy knows it’s not. He knows Joel could never be so cruel. No, instead the man was almost shy, especially in new situations or meeting new people. If he had someone to back him up, such as Lizzie or Jimmy, he could bluster through it with faux confidence and a grandiose air about him, getting people to laugh or have a good time. Without that, he tried his best to just fall back to the sidelines, to keep to the shadows and have no one’s eyes on him.
So as Jimmy stood there, staring the man down, Joel had no one backing him. He quieted down and just tried to please Jimmy, tried to do anything to get the attention off of him. Here Joel was, looking for help, looking for aid, and Jimmy was the only there to offer it. The other was obviously so uncomfortable. Jimmy didn’t care. He couldn’t care about comfort levels, because Joel hadn’t cared about his comfort levels for the longest time. Jimmy was just trying to even the playing field… He wasn’t being mean!
Why did the thought feel hollow? LIke he was just making excuses? Jimmy growled and had to stop himself from stomping the ground like a child. A part of him really wanted to. He wanted to scream and shout at it all and be childish, but no. He had to be the bigger person. Oh, just accept Joel's apology and let bygones be bygones. Forgive and forget and all that.
Joel still isn’t looking him in the eye. Instead, his head is bowed low, and his arms are wrapped around himself. Jimmy knew that there would be scratches all over the other’s arms from where his nails were digging in. He knew because he’d seen them before, whenever the other became overwhelmed by thoughts of self-loathing. He knew, because he could hear the mumbled words Joel was whispering to himself.
Stupid, stupid Joel, you’re such a bad friend. Look what you’ve done. Gone and made a mess of everything, and now Jimmy’s going to leave and it’s all you’re fault. You deserve this, You Deserve This.
Jimmy hated that he knew those words so well, because he’d heard them so many other times. Times when Joel’s insecurities got the better of him, times when things were still so new between the friends and boundaries were still being felt out. And again, that rush of anger came over him. Anger at Joel and anger at himself, because he wanted to talk and wanted to air his grievances, and it felt like it was becoming almost impossible as concern for his friend grew. He just had the overwhelming urge to make things better for Joel because the other was obviously in pain. Jimmy hated this… At this moment, he hated Joel, because the man was making it about himself. He had somehow turned Jimmy’s problem into his own, and was now asking for help.
Why couldn’t he just be mad? Why did Joel have to be so upset by this confrontation that Jimmy felt like he had to take a back seat to it all? Why did Jimmy have to be such a crappy friend that he felt like this regardless of the fact that it wasn’t intentional?
So many ‘why’s, and the only answer was such a frustrating one - Because they are human, and it’s just part of being human. It was normal to feel like this, both Jimmy’s feelings, and Joels… but just because it was normal, that didn’t mean he had to listen to it.
He took a deep breath and focused his thoughts. Jimmy was big now, and Joel was so small, and they’re friends, close as brothers. So Jimmy would be the bigger person, but he'd be the bigger person his way. He would comfort but teach, because Joel needed to learn this, but Jimmy wouldn't let this go, not completely. He wouldn't ignore his own feelings… but he would take this moment to calm down and be there for Joel. No matter what they did to each other, they were friends, they were brothers, and Jimmy would never let him feel alone.
“Joel… stop,” He said firmly, grabbing the other’s hands to loosen the fingers digging into Joel's skin. “I need you to stop.”
The moment he asked, Joel obeyed, because he was desperate to keep what they had, and Jimmy released another deep breath. Not a sigh, because he knew Joel would take it the wrong way, but just a deep breath.
“Joel. I need you to listen. I have things I want to say, but you need to listen.” He waited for a moment to make sure Joel followed these instructions too. Communication was key to any good relationship, so he needed to word this correctly. He didn’t know if this was going to be any good, but he also knew that keeping his feelings bottled up is what led to this in the first place. Jimmy needed to be firm and let Joel know he crossed a line.
“I know you feel bad, and I know it’s not on purpose, but as soon as I mentioned my problems, it… I know you're trying to apologize, but it also feels like you’re trying to make it about you.”
Joel jerked back like he had been slapped and opened his mouth to start apologizing all over again, or maybe to try and defend himself. Neither option was good in Jimmy’s mind, so he gently pulled Joel into a hug and continued, “I want to speak, Joel. Please, I’ll let you talk in a minute, we’ll both get our turns, but I want to go first, so whenever you start thinking about yourself, try to stop and think about me instead.”
It felt like the most selfish thing to say, to tell his friend to just think about Jimmy, but sometimes that was needed. Especially when Joel’s thoughts about himself were anything but kind. He’d focus on Jimmy. Not the mistakes he made, not the trouble he was in, not the pain he'd caused, only Jimmy. Only what Jimmy wanted to share.
He held Joel close for a moment more before all the tension in Joel’s shoulders dropped away. His friend pulled back slightly and Jimmy let him go to see that Joel finally met his gaze. He was biting his lips, another ‘grounding’ technique like the nails in his arms, but it wasn’t nearly so tight, so Jimmy just had to trust that Joel wouldn’t hurt himself.
The other stepped back even further and furrowed his brow. His attention solely on Jimmy, and Jimmy just barely held back a sigh of relief. Maybe this was going to be okay after all.
He finally got a chance to talk.
“I had a plan, Joel, and it feels like you didn't care about what I wanted and instead just pushed your own ideas over mine. I had all these things I wanted to do. In the beginning, it was fine, it was fun… but it just kept going,” Jimmy shared his feelings as best he could, trying to keep things as honest as possible. He wouldn't assume motivations on Joel's part, he wouldn't assume Joel's thoughts. He just shared his own experience, his own feelings on how those behaviors affected him.
There were hard moments, moments where Jimmy knew Joel’s thoughts started to turn inwards, but his friend did his best to let those thoughts go. It made it easier for Jimmy himself to relax, to explain everything that he's been holding back all these months. It finally felt like he was being heard.
When there was no more left to say, Jimmy felt almost breathless. It took more out of him than expected, yet everything felt lighter, to see Joel, not happy, still full of concern and guilt, but at least not drowning it his own feelings and instead just focused on Jimmy.
Joel waited a moment, making sure Jimmy was done, before he opened his mouth to speak, “What can I-” he cut himself off, frowning to himself, before trying again. “What do you need?”
And that made Jimmy pause. His immediate thought was that he needed Joel to stop. Just stop it all and leave him be, but that didn't feel quite right. He couldn't control what others do, but he came here for himself, for something he could do.
“I need you to know how your actions are making me feel,” Jimmy said slowly, satisfied with figuring out how to voice it. That was the only thing he could do. He couldn't force Joel to behave in any way. He couldn’t turn back time and stop this all from happening. He could only make sure his friend knew how he felt. It was up to the other on what he did with that knowledge.
Joel nodded, biting his lip again.
Jimmy let those words sit for a moment, breathing in and out now that the weight of it all was gone. A single question remained though, one that, now that he got everything off his chest, Jimmy was ready to hear the answer to.
“I’d like to listen to you now, Joel. I want to know why you did it, why it got so out of hand.” Jimmy said, ready to give his friend the same opportunity that he'd just been given.
Had the man tried to explain himself earlier, it would have felt like excuses, a way to push Jimmy's worries aside and brush him off just like it had been all those times before when Jimmy had yelled at his friend to stop. Now that he knew Joel understood him, that Joel was here and present and focused, Jimmy would give him the same thing.
Joel's eyes widened in surprise, like he didn't realize Jimmy would give him this opportunity. He had probably been lost in his own head still when Jimmy had said they'd both be able to speak their piece.
Jimmy gave him a nod to prompt the other to share.
Joel opened his mouth, but stammered over his words, obviously struggling to voice it. “I-I just, it feels…. I mean, it's kind of a mix of two things I think?” His voice lifted in a question, as though he wasn't sure of his own feelings.
Jimmy gave a smile, “Let's start with one of them, then,”
The other nodded, happy for the direction. Even with the guidance though, he still seemed hesitant to start. Jimmy let him gather his thoughts for another moment or two before Joel finally gathered his courage and just blurted it out.
“I haven't seen Lizzie in almost 3 weeks!”
Jimmy started, not expecting those words. He wanted to say something, to ask why it was relevant, what was the point in bringing it up at all. While a bit distressing, what did that have anything to do with the whole Toy bit?
He kept silent and turned his thoughts back towards Joel. While Jimmy had all these questions, he followed his own advice and focused on Joel. The man had brought it up for a reason, it was his time to speak.
Joel, after seeing that Jimmy would let him continue, would let him air out his own problems, began to speak. It was as though a dam broke as he started voicing the rest of it. “Sometimes it feels like Sausage only interacts with me if it’s about Hermes. fWhip and I haven't had a meeting that wasn't empires based in a while either,” He was talking so quickly, as though trying to get it all out at once in case someone tried to stop him. “Joey and his stupid pirate thing is just a mess, and it felt like it took ages for you to even say hi to me after the season started”
Jimmy listened as Joel continued, “It all feels so tied to Lore … Like, with Lizzie. I’m her bloody husband, but I’m also not… at least, with the server stuff. Our nations aren’t like- it’s not like Empires One!” Joel threw his hands in the air and started pacing, needing to move or do something as he finally got a chance to talk. “That one was so easy! We were friends, we were married, I could go and visit and nothing had to be happening, I was just seeing my wife, or I could go and see you, and it was fine obviously because I’m your brother-in-law, why wouldn’t I go and hang out with you!”
Oh.
Oh wow.
“I wasn’t into the story and lore and stuff in the first server, but the whole Xornoth thing happened, and I just kind of ignored it, and everyone else got all tangled up with each other and it just seemed like a lot of fun and everyone was involved with each other, but it was fine, since I chose to not involve myself, but this time I chose the Lore . I chose to have it so I could make sure there’d never be a reason to not hang out and be with my friends, because I have the Lore, I was the Lore!” Joel almost yelled the final words, his voice was shaking, and Jimmy could tell Joel was barely holding on.
So many things clicked into place, so many aborted movements, awkward visits, and strange invitations.
Joel was lonely.
“You made a reason for me to come around more, for you to come and see me” Jimmy breathed out, suddenly seeing this entire situation unravel.
Joel had initially come to visit him with nothing but a silly joke he wanted to share, and Jimmy had turned it into more. Pix had been there, and so they started talking about the Law, how Pix made the Law, Jimmy enforced the Law, and Joel was the Lore. It was the smallest thing in Jimmy’s mind, just some goofing around about their pronunciation and the words themselves but for Joel, it was what told him how all other interactions would be, that just like the first season, it’d be tied to their Empires Lore .
Once the toy bit got going, that was the only reason they saw each other, each of them building off of what was already there, pushing more Lore into their interactions.
It was all just a misunderstanding.
“Joel, I-I…” Jimmy almost stopped his question, but Joel turned towards him and waited, inviting him to ask. “I just.. None of us would have minded just hanging out and putting the Empires on pause for a bit if you needed.”
“I know,” Joel replied with a frustrated huff, “I know that, and that’s what’s so blummin’ annoying!” He slid down a nearby wall and sat with his arms overhanging his legs. “It leads straight into the other point.”
Jimmy blinked, having forgotten there were two problems to begin with. The first seemed like such a big thing, how could there possibly be more? He walked forwards and, after nudging Joel to the side, slid down right next to him.
“My Lore is a little intense…” Joel said almost hesitantly. Jimmy could understand why. Each of them has chosen for themselves how much Server energy they wanted, how much they wanted to be able to affect the land and what magics it would allow.
“I don’t think I even realized it, not till it’s now been shut off really, ” Joel mumbled, playing with a loose thread on his shirt. “Now it’s like I can finally think…hindsight is 20/20 and all that, right?”
Jimmy couldn’t really say he agreed, what with not knowing what was going on. He just gave a little shrug and waited for Joel to continue, but it was like he was getting lost in his own head. “Joel?” He prompted.
“How do you remember the Rapture?” Was Joel’s only response.
The Rapture?
The end of Empires One?
“Uh.. I mean, I remember it like any other Server Memory?” Jimmy replied, not understanding this change of subject. These segues, moving from one point to the next. He knew it would eventually lead somewhere, just as it had for Joel’s previous statements, but still. It was odd and a bit off putting. Jimmy was struggling to keep up.
Joel pursed his lips together and nodded, like he hadn’t expected any other answer. Of course they were just Server Memories.
As Players, they could take on any number of roles, some of which went far back longer than a Server’s technical existence. In Empires, Jimmy had gained childhood memories of growing up with Lizzie as Seablings. He remembered parents that never existed, and lessons he never went to, trials and tests to show his leadership skills. These were all moments brought in to existence the moment a Player enters the Server. It helps create a world with far more depth than just popping into a field and starting to build. For Servers with great stories and histories to play with, Players could have so much.
Once a Server ends, or when a Player leaves the Server, even temporarily, the memories become murky, almost like you’ve read it in a book or seen it in a dream. You connect with a specific character, you feel all those emotions, but in a detached way that makes it easy to move on. Any relations you form with other Players are obviously kept, but the deaths, the traumas, the highs and lows of it all just kind of fade, allowing Players to move to the next Server and live on.
Jimmy remembers the Rapture in that he knows it happened. He’s upset that his Empire was lost and destroyed, that it was all due to the Cod and Salmon leaders finally coming together, but it wasn’t debilitating. He didn’t feel the need to bring it up outside of just mentioning the fun times it was, how he and his friends have created a beautiful tragedy of forgotten Empires.
Joel sighed and started speaking again, “My Lore made The God of Stratos and Mazalean King the same person, a lonely man who watched the destruction of everything he loved, the loss of his Wife and her memories of him, his brother-in-law just abandoning him, his Kingdom falling into ruin.” He spoke as though reciting a story, now disconnected from his Godly Identity, he could look back on it all far easier than he could when he was in the middle of it all. “It’s a little unclear how, though that’s just because it's been ages, but The Mazalean King couldn’t die… and instead just got a bunch of followers who believed him to be a God.” Joel snorted sardonically, “And as I’m sure you know, belief is strong enough to change reality when Lore is on your side.” Jimmy almost rolled his eyes alongside Joel, because hadn’t that been his whole problem?
“And so, Stratos came into being, floating overhead as Empires rose and fell, all until we reached today, where our new Empires began, with people that held such likeness to the God’s original friends. So similar, and yet so different.”
Jimmy listened, captivated by the hidden details the Lore threw into Joel’s experience to explain away any Player interactions. Subconsciously, Joel knew all the other Emperors, but how could that be within the Server’s rules? Reincarnation of Emperors long past. Jimmy almost wanted to call it beautiful, how it wove through the previous Empires Server, and all the Player’s memories.
But… it didn’t really explain why Joel was so mean about it all, why he’d been so hesitant to reach out, “I don’t think I understand still… What does that have to do with-”
“Because I resented you, Jimmy! You and all the others who were once my friends, now knew nothing about me and treated me like a stranger.” Joel snapped, pushing himself away from the wall to get away from the other. “I got one look at you and that was all it took to realize there was nothing there of the CodFather, and the Lore made me hate you!” Joel closed his eyes and shook his head, “No, no.. I can’t-, It’s not just the lore. I-I’m not trying to make excuses Jimmy. I can see now how you hated it, how I was being unreasonable about it all, or just avoiding the others.”
Jimmy stood up and reached his hand out, placing it on Joel’s shoulder. “You said it yourself, it was a bit too intense.”
Joel placed his own hand on Jimmy’s. “Everything else just became so foggy, and I know that’s the whole bloody point of Server Memories, to help with immersion and all that… I kept thinking you’d all abandon me again. I didn't want to get too close. He scoffed, “It’s not me you abandoned… Just Server Memories playing games, heh, stupid right?” He added quickly at the end. It was said as though to convince himself rather than Jimmy. He drifted off, eyes gazing into the distance towards his Fountain. “It was just…”
“A bit much, yeah.” Jimmy finished for him.
“I really am sorry, Jim. I didn’t mean for it to go so far.”
That’s what it all came back to. Jimmy finally got the acknowledgement he originally sought. He got the chance to be heard, and in return, also got a chance to help Joel. Everything was finally settling down between them, and Jimmy could only smile at his friend.
“So, you have two problems, and I think we can fix both of them.” Joel looked up at him, giving a weak smile in return. “Let’s go chat with fWhip, and get him to lower your Lore so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming.” Jimmy stated, stepping towards the edge of Stratos
“Gah, how embarrassing, I mean, we’re already months into the Server. This is like a Week One request, “ Joel said, sighing dramatically, though he was still smiling, so Jimmy knew he appreciated the help and support. He followed quickly behind the blond and got his elytra ready to head to their Admin.
Jimmy just laughed and ruffled his friend’s hair, making a mess of it all, “And your first one? Hanging out with your friends?”
“Yeah yeah, I’ll try and be more open about just wanting to hang out and not think I’m bothering anyone,” Joel said, a bit of a petulant whine still in his voice. Most of it though was filled with relief and joy. He reached out a gripped Jimmy’s sleeve, “It’ll be nice, feeling like proper good friends again.”
Jimmy couldn’t stop from beaming. “Aw, Joel! I’m your friend? Best friend even?” He squealed out, voice pitching up with glee.
“Of course you’re my best friend!” Joel sounded aghast, like it had been stupid to even question it. “Why do you think I hang out with you so much? It’s not your bluming looks, I’ll tell you,”
Jimmy gave an offended gasp and shoved Joel playfully, laughing as the other fell off of the island and had to quickly orient himself with his elytra. Jimmy quickly jumped off himself, following close behind Joel as the two of them began their flight, finally starting to build back up their friendship.