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jimmy sat in the medical bay, idly swiveling anya’s office chair with his foot as he thought to himself. in the dead of night, he felt safe enough to lounge around. he knew damn well anya wasn’t gonna roam tonight, since he kinda threatened her earlier — and on the off chance someone else happened to wake up, medical was currently locked so… what could they really do?
now, jimmy knew it was technically wrong to drug his best friend, but his judgement hadn’t been the most reasonable as of late. he clutched the bottle of painkillers in his hand, trying to justify it over and over in his head. he figured curly needed a break anyways, surely all that paperwork had to get tiring after a while. besides, he didn’t really care if it hurt or not. curly needed to be knocked down a couple pegs, and this was too good of an opportunity not to.
jimmy felt an odd twist in his stomach, envisioning curly hunched over his desk for hours on end. responsible, beautiful curly with all of his struggles, alone in his office and drowning in paper; slaving away for a company that could care less if they were dead or alive, millions of miles away from home.
home . it had been a long while since the two of them had just… spent time together like they did so often on earth. not as coworkers, but as the close friends they really were. jimmy found himself reminiscing, back in his shitty apartment with blankets strewn all across the couch. curled up in curly’s lap, drunkenly fixated on the tv while curly played with his hair, just as plastered as he was. what stupid movie was that again? james bond? the memory was a little more than fuzzy to say the least, but the feeling was what truly preserved it, not the image.
it was rare that jimmy felt at peace. considering his circumstances on earth, the people he was surrounded by and the general suffocation of daily life, jimmy never took many opportunities to unveil himself — to put the nagging thoughts to the back of his mind, let down those stone walls around his heart and just trust in someone enough to believe in their intentions.
it occurred to jimmy, he couldn’t remember a single time in which he felt that content since. he made up his mind.
each morning onboard the tuplar, jimmy ground some of the medicine into a powder and stirred it until the coffee was frothy. curly always said he made the best coffee, so the sudden change was appreciated more than anything. the captain didn’t suspect a thing when he started getting headaches, nor stopped to question the random dizzy spells he would get throughout the day; not even when he started getting so sick he struggled to lumber out of bed. he kept shrugging off anya’s growing concern, mumbling affirmations that “he had it under control.”
jimmy truly admired him, but his stubbornness was getting to be annoying. jimmy wasn’t that mean after all, he found only a mild amusement out of watching curly practically torture himself to get his daily tasks done. after around three days, jimmy finally put his foot down and came to the captain himself.
–
storming into curly’s room, the brunette paused for a moment at the state of things. the room was a complete mess, nothing like how curly usually kept it. curly wasn’t all that neat by any means, but he certainly wasn’t a fan of clutter either.
as expected, curly was folded over his desk adorned with loose papers. the fucker really didn’t take breaks, that much was clear. curly looked a lot worse than jimmy anticipated however, his bangs damp with sweat and a line of drool running down the corner of his mouth. humming a little, jimmy shook curly’s shoulder. he was rewarded with no response.
jimmy was getting really impatient at this point. he had spent a whole week orchestrating this, making effort to take only enough that anya wouldn’t notice, setting precautions so no one saw him crushing pills beneath the base of a mug, all this hard work for curly to simply sleep it off in his alone time. it left jimmy seething, and before he really realized what he was doing, he found himself with an unconscious curly in his arms.
grunting, he quickly laid curly down in his bed. with the willpower of rage or not, curly was still quite the challenge to hold like that. jimmy merely stared down at him for a long moment, watching the rise and fall of his chest. a pang of something akin to guilt filled him for a second before vanishing entirely. ultimately, his suffering was to benefit him later on. jimmy knew that feeling better than anyone, and had grown accustomed to the cycle. it gets worse before it gets better, right? he told himself it was so.
jimmy smiled a little and crawled into the bed. he snuggled up to curly, laying his head on his chest and breathing in his scent. if jimmy could, he would love to just snuggle up inside of curly’s veins and sleep in its warm constraints, but that would mean curly had some sort of power over him. that was unacceptable. he much preferred curly like this; so vulnerable, drugged and asleep. in theory, he could do practically anything he wanted and curly wouldn’t resist.
jimmy physically shook that thought from his head in the form of nuzzling against curly’s shoulder. he already did whatever he wanted to anya, whether she was awake or not. his need for control was quelled enough for the time being. besides, he was fine with just cuddling the blonde, burying his face into the warm crook of his neck.
–
a little while later, curly stirred. jimmy perked up, shifting so he was looming over curly on his hands and knees rather than lying on him. he suppressed a grin as curly jolted, those pretty blue eyes of his growing wide before softening with familiarity. “jimmy..? what’re you doing?” curly slurred, a groggy arm reaching up to rest against his forehead. he blinked slowly, adjusting his eyes to the soft light of his nearby lamp.
jimmy huffed, climbing off of the blonde and standing beside him instead. “checking on you. i found you passed out, so i figured i’d get you into a proper bed at least. hardwood can’t be that comfy.”
curly paused, seemingly confused by the sequence of events, but he didn’t verbally question it. by now he was well aware of how jimmy worked, and knew asking would only lead to a big debate. jimmy sort of hated him for it, as he found it much harder to prove himself innocent when nobody accused him in the first place.
“...how long was i out?” curly asked instead, slowly pulling himself up into a sitting position. he grunted, a couple of his fingers popping as he clenched the sheets for support.
the copilot hummed, thinking to himself. after a beat he shrugged, “i don’t know. not long enough, clearly.”
curly blinked a couple times, not quite understanding the implications behind jimmy’s words. he put a hand up to his head, nursing an oncoming headache. he mumbled, “jim, don’t make me think too hard. i just woke up…”
“uh-huh, it’s all because you woke up and nothing more. that’s why you’ve been shitty for a week straight, right? do you think i’m stupid or something?” jimmy snapped a little, his irritation leaking through before he could shut his mouth. curly stared at the sheets, his eyes simultaneously full of thought and empty. he looked utterly miserable in other words, and it was evident in the way he frowned.
“that’s not what i meant, i just…” curly trailed off, sighing. he rubbed his face a bit, trying to soothe himself and wipe away the sweat.
jimmy softened a tad, putting a hand on curly’s shoulder. “just take today off, curly, and don’t even worry about missing work. anya’s used to writing reports. i’ll just get her to do it for today.”
curly just sat there for a moment, considering the offer. he glanced up at jimmy, his blue eyes glossy with exhaustion, “shouldn’t you do it? if that’s not too much to ask, since you’re copilot and all… i don’t know if anya’s used to writing reports quite like mine, plus it’ll be a nightmare to comb through them afterwards…”
jimmy could feel his eye twitching. he gave curly a strained smile, trying to be reassuring. “fine, i’ll do it in my spare time. for now, let me get you some tea. i heard it helps with colds.”
–
a couple hours later, and jimmy was more than content to huddle up with curly on the latter’s bed, watching the same movie he’d seen a thousand times on his shitty little box tv. he pressed himself to curly’s side, making some half assed excuse of being cold whenever curly gave him a sideways look.
curly nibbled on a piece of popcorn, very slowly picking it apart and letting it dissolve on the tip of his tongue. jimmy was watching curly more than the movie really, sort of fascinated by the gaunt look on his face. he liked the pale, clammy skin, and the way it made his blue eyes pop. the deadness of his eyes and the tired curve of his eyelids made jimmy’s heart flutter a little.
either way, curly was beautiful. that much was not lost, no matter how sick he became. jimmy would love him regardless, and do so better than anyone else could. whether jimmy was aware of it or not, he had decided in his mind that curly was his. he was not keen on sharing any time soon.
curly moved his head to look at jimmy, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. he opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead all that came out was a groan. he suddenly got up, pushing jimmy off of him rather weakly. the copilot glanced at him, his lips pressed into a concerned line. curly swayed in place a little, his voice raspy, “i think i’m gonna hurl…”
jimmy got up as well, moving the bowl of popcorn lest it spilled. he walked over to curly, placing a hand on the small of his back. “any idea why?”
“no… i took some meds and everything, i don’t get why i still feel like this,” curly confessed, crossing his arms over his stomach. jimmy cursed under his breath. of course he would take pills, he was so adamant on returning to his duties just so he could flaunt his status to everyone. jimmy huffed and pushed his resentment to the back of his throat, now wasn’t the time. lightly pushing, he urged curly to the bathroom so he could flush it out of his system.
once they were in there, jimmy leaned down and rubbed curly’s back while he dry heaved into the toilet. the brunette remained silent for a long moment, thinking to himself. if curly had too many, he could very likely overdose at this rate. it was quite the dosage jimmy gave him after all, enough to ensure he felt sick. but if he took extra…
“don’t take those pills,” jimmy warned as curly finally puked, shuddering and hacking his way through it, “obviously they’re causing you problems.”
curly let out a strange whine noise, his hands shaking as he gripped the edge of the toilet bowl. he took a couple deep breaths, spitting the last of it up before speaking, “it has nothing to do with the pills, jim. i haven’t taken them until today. those things don’t do this.”
jimmy hummed a little in response, biting his tongue with a concealed hiss. it was imperative that curly didn’t know, or he would stop taking things from jimmy entirely. he simply couldn’t afford that happening, and so he remained silent. he offered curly his cup of water after a few more rounds of puking, analyzing the curve of his adam’s apple as he gulped it down with a sense of desperation. jimmy was quite satisfied with himself.
–
“jimmy, i uhm… i wanted to ask you something, if that’s okay.”
jimmy turned, huffing a little to himself. he set down the box of supplies he was carrying and crossed his arms, staring expectedly at anya from the doorway of the utility room. she appeared to be a little intimidated, half cowering behind the safety of the wall. it had been around a week since curly grew ill, and he had spent the majority of the week right by curly’s side. he tapped his foot, eager to return to his task.
anya took the silence as an invitation, quickly adding, “in private. and whenever you’re free, of course.”
jimmy felt himself start to smirk. alone? with anya? she really made it too easy sometimes. he ran a hand through his hair, nodding to himself more than her. he chuckled, “yeah, well i’m free right now actually. swansea can come grab this shit himself.”
walking to medical, anya made sure to stay a safe distance away from jimmy. she carried herself with a sense of caution, opening the door and gesturing for jimmy to walk in first. jimmy simply rested his hand against hers on the edge of the door, “ladies first.”
anya snatched her hand back as if burnt, keeping her eyes on the ground as she hurried into the room. jimmy scoffed, following her and closing the door behind him. he locked it, casually sitting at the chair in front of anya’s desk. he watched as anya sat down in her respective seat and fished out a couple empty pill bottles from inside her drawer. shit .
“i was counting inventory, and i don’t recall anyone burning through… 300 milligrams of oxy..? i-i’m not accusing you or anything, i’m going around asking everyone, but… do you know anything?” anya asked, fiddling with her sleeve anxiously. she glanced at jimmy occasionally, only in small increments. it was clear she was scared of what his response might be.
well, she was damn smart to feel that way. jimmy laughed condescendingly, resting his palms against the wood of her desk and standing, towering over her. he sneered, “what would i even do with that many pills? what are you implying?”
anya shrunk back, her voice dying in her throat. she looked utterly terrified, trapped underneath jimmy’s thumb, and he couldn’t get enough. the pure sense of pride that followed almost placated him. almost .
“well? answer the damn question,” jimmy demanded, glaring down at the nurse. it had been a while since he felt so angry, and for a moment he felt a small hint of concern for himself; of what he might do with it. nurse anya looked at the ground for a moment, hastily snapping her eyes back onto him as he moved a little closer.
“i’m not implying anything! i didn’t say you were the culprit, i was just wondering if you saw something? or heard from somebody about where they went, possibly..?” anya pleaded her case, but jimmy didn’t really bother to listen. he didn’t care about her job, or the deadlines she needed to meet to keep it. to jimmy, her responsibilities were nothing of value to him and therefore were not his problem to solve.
“you think i took them, huh? you think i want your stupid fucking medicine??” jimmy raised his voice, gripping the edge of the desk with white kunckles, “watch your shit instead of bitching about it and maybe it wouldn’t have gone missing in the first place. i shouldn’t have to sit here and fix this for you.”
anya inhaled sharply, her lip quivering. she looked at jimmy sparingly, like he was a disgusting sight to see. her eyes always reminded him of a doe; dark and soft, filled with tension and fear. he wasn’t sure if anya wanted to cry or punch him, but either way he gained quite the sick satisfaction out of knowing she would do neither. she stared at the grain of her desk solemnly, mumbling, “okay. sorry, jimmy. i won’t bug you again.”
–
the next night when jimmy went to steal some medicine, it was gone — moved to god knows where, and it would be way too suspicious if jimmy barged into the nurse’s room in search of them after their previous conversation. so essentially, jimmy had no choice but to let curly get better. jimmy cursed to himself, digging two lonely pills out of his pocket. this was the last of it, the last chance to have his best friend all to himself again. it left jimmy feeling strangely distraught.
the brunette sat in anya’s chair again, thinking to himself. why was he actually doing this? he went into it believing it was an opportunity to help curly, but all it had succeeded in doing was make curly unable to work. he wasn’t really resting, more so just trying to recover from an affliction he didn’t even bring upon himself.
it shouldn’t have brought jimmy any joy to know his favourite person was suffering by his own hand; and yet it did. jimmy attempted to understand it, to phrase it in a way that actually made sense in his head. he was playing therapist, being both the doctor and the patient. he didn’t trust anya to do it, so he would settle for this instead.
jimmy supposed he felt alone. he was utterly alone on a ship with only a single person who helped him feel good about himself. it was only natural he would seek out his company. so preoccupied with his work, it only made sense that jimmy would feel the need to… regain that undivided attention he so desired.
jimmy guessed he liked talking to curly whenever he wasn’t pissing jimmy off. he liked hearing that rumbling laugh of his, that attractive half smile he made whenever he was confused about something, the little scar on his right thumb from slicing it open on a tin can when he was younger. those beautiful blue eyes, ever so gentle and rich, the smell of his hair…
jimmy found himself blushing. a pit opened up in his stomach, a churning realization of the real things he was feeling. he didn’t want curly to be sick to give him a break — he wanted curly to be sick so he would have to depend on jimmy, so he could have curly all to himself. a part of jimmy understood just how selfish that was of him, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care that much either. he just wanted his friend. in more ways than one.
with a start, he stood up and began walking to curly’s room. on the way there, he kept glancing at the pills in his hand. it wouldn’t be a really good idea to keep them, just in case someone ever found them, but at the same time disposing of them could be dangerous too. sighing, jimmy simply decided to take them himself. sure, it would leave him loopy and probably a bit tired, but he figured that was a good thing. he didn’t want to think much tonight anyways.
–
surprisingly, curly was awake by the time he showed up. jimmy could hear him retching in the bathroom, choking on his own mucus. jimmy sat down next to him and placed a hand on his arm. “you feeling okay?”
the blonde turned to jimmy, his cheeks red with exertion. he slowly nodded, a line of spit running down his chin. he wheezed, “yup. just peachy…”
jimmy laughed a little despite himself and rose to his feet. he held a hand out to curly, a small smile sneaking its way into his expression as the captain took it. he escorted the captain back to his bed, putting a cassette into the tv before joining him under the covers. it was just another movie, one jimmy never really cared for at that. he spent his time watching curly instead. he was far more entertaining, and jimmy had no qualms in observing curly’s eyes flicker back and forth.
in hindsight, jimmy didn’t actually think the pills would do much. he had never really used things like opioids, and so he had no idea what they would feel like or the effect it would have on him. but here he was an hour later, leaning against curly and sloppily messing with his hair. he wasn’t so fucked up that he had no idea what he was doing, more so he was just… very comfortable and trying to keep himself awake.
curly seemed concerned rather than annoyed, quietly admitting, “i think i might’ve gotten you sick.”
jimmy only grinned, moving to rest his head in curly’s lap. even if he was a little colder than normal, he still made an excellent pillow. the copilot blinked slowly as he processed curly’s words — his thoughts were equivalent to a bunch of dropped pennies, spilling out of his head and rolling across the pavement. “sick? no, i’m great… i can guarantee you that, at least.”
curly gave an awkward smile, not sure what jimmy meant. he cleared his throat and spoke a little louder, “are you drunk or something? is there even alcohol onboard..?”
“drunk? no! high, maybe. don’t tell anyone.” jimmy revealed quite easily, feeling no need to hide it. curly truly was the only one he trusted, and he would happily make curly fucking regret it if he dared to break it. he had a feeling curly knew that, and so he felt safe. genuinely safe.
curly blinked, a little alarmed. he sat up a little straighter, trying to adjust his bleary eyes to see jimmy better in the dim light. he grimaced at the wide smile jimmy sent his way, “high? what drug did you..?”
jimmy placed a finger to curly’s lips, making him stop in his tracks. he sluggishly rose up off of curly, his arms on either side of the other's torso. he paused for a moment, staring at the blonde and smirking all dopey at him. jimmy couldn't help but find him attractive, leaning over him and staring into those sparkling blue eyes. he could just barely make out the tv screen in the corners of his eyes.
“doesn’t matter, handsome… you know, you’re really pretty dude. and i don’t mean like… ‘ooo, i’m fucked up, you’re hot.’ i mean like…” jimmy trailed off, before frowning a little, “i don’t know. ignore me, i’m embarrassing myself i think.”
curly hesitated for a moment, a slight blush tinting his cheeks. he wasn’t exactly in the right state of mind either, in fact he hadn’t really been for the past week. so instead of the reaction jimmy was expecting, curly quietly responded, “thanks…”
jimmy stared, trying to figure out what emotion curly was feeling, but his brain was already so fuzzy, it was nearly impossible to tell. he leaned closer, subtly testing his limits. he wasn’t really a fan of being told no, but he respected curly and honestly didn’t want to force himself onto him. the blonde had a lot more privilege right now than he could ever know. it left jimmy feeling giddy.
curly leaned closer as well, staring jimmy dead in the eye. somewhere in his mind, jimmy got a hazy memory of that expression: it was the same one curly would give his exes when he looked at them. that infuriating, sweet gaze of admiration. he never quite understood why it pissed him off so bad until now — it had never been made at him. but with that look reserved for him and him alone, it made jimmy’s heart melt. he kissed curly without thinking, his whole body hot.
jimmy was pleasantly surprised when curly kissed back, cupping the sides of jimmy’s face. he grinned into the kiss, leaning, pushing curly down onto the bed and slowly rolling around with him. they laughed and kissed, like a military man coming home to his wife after years at war. jimmy, with his other half, alone together and incoherent with some shitty movie in the back; it was the most romantic thing jimmy could’ve experienced, or at least it felt that way in his clouded mind, and so he accepted that as the truth.
jimmy subconsciously started mumbling, ranting, “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do this. i thought i was just weird for feeling this way, but no! i’m just in love with you. i think i actually love you, and it’s driving me fucking insane.” jimmy pulled away for a moment, analyzing the curve of curly’s jaw and savouring the taste of his skin. he was hungry for more. pressing himself against curly, he kissed him all over his face as if trying to claim every inch of him.
curly laughed before suddenly coughing, going pale. jimmy flopped off of him, watching with a mild disappointment as curly rushed to the bathroom again. jimmy could hear him yell, “sorry, jim! still sick… god…” from behind the door. jimmy didn’t bother following, his limbs effectively reduced to jello.
curly sat on his knees, hunched over the toilet bowl. he took a moment to think about the missing oxy anya had mentioned to him earlier that day. he presumed that’s what he had taken, since everything since then had been untouched. so if jimmy only took a couple, where did the rest go..? he felt absolutely sick to his stomach thinking about it. he puked again, closing his eyes. he tried not to panic, convincing himself that whatever jimmy did, it had nothing to do with his predicament. he trusted him.
–
the next morning, he happily accepted jimmy’s coffee and gave a quiet kiss to his cheek. “i love you,” curly whispered, smiling at jimmy. his improvement in the days following only reassured him. his boyfriend would never do such a thing. he was a good man.
jimmy believed the same, after all. why would curly never doubt him?