Chapter Text
Castiel was slowly getting used to having Dean in his space again. He and Sam were still working, research and hunts sometimes taking them days or weeks, but there was a lot of down time between hunts and Dean’s visits became more frequent. The first time Castiel told him he could spend the night was most likely also the moment Castiel came to accept that, even though there was still a lot of unresolved issues between them (that both really did not want to address) they were going to be a couple again. Maybe already were.
But Rowena had told him to keep some boundaries and Castiel had come to enjoy having his space, so for now Dean had to sleep on the couch. Dean did complain about that, but it was mostly good-natured complaining about how he was getting older and the pull out bed was no longer his style. Which was mostly nonsense as far as Cas could tell, considering that Dean still frequently spent cases sleeping in his car or on the floor of an abandoned building.
Cas on the other hand was feeling the pregnancy, or maybe he simply was feeling humanity settling into his bones because getting a good night’s sleep wasn’t as easy as it should be.
But things were good, Cas was starting to feel comfortable with Dean in his space. And yes, maybe he was pathetic and too forgiving (so Rowena had said) but he had missed Dean. Maybe he simply filled the emptiness inside of him and allowed him to focus on something else than his grief, but for now, it had to be enough.
Around 10 weeks before the baby should technically be due, Castiel woke up to the smell of pancakes. Castiel got up and walked into the living room. He stopped and frowned at the picture that presented itself. Dean was asleep on the couch, snoring softly. Then who…
“Pancakes?”
Chuck held up a plate, a spatula in his other hand.
“What are you doing in my kitchen?” Castiel demanded once he found his voice again. He was rooted to the spot, not sure if he should be terrified or angry. Cas’ loud voice roused Dean. He opened a sleepy eye, but the moment he saw Cas and how tense he was, he sat up, alert.
“What the hell?!” Dean demanded when he saw Chuck.
“Not quite,” Chuck said with a smile, then he pointed at the pancakes. “Do you want pancakes?”
“I want to know what the fuck you’re doing here!” Dean growled and got up.
“Hm? Can’t I check in on my favorite creation?” Chuck asked innocently. With a snap of his finger that made Castiel flinch the kitchen was clean again and more pancakes were stacked on the plate.
“You have a habit of only showing up when shit is about to go down,” Dean growled and placed himself in front of Cas. It was a futile gesture, but Castiel appreciated it anyway. Chuck shrugged.
“You have a habit of breaking the world. There’s a bit of an overlap between world ending and divine intervention,” he said, unperturbed by Dean’s hostility. “But it’s not ending now. Actually, I’ve been doing a bit of work behind the scenes!”
“I don’t know if I want to hear about it,” Dean said. “I thought you said you wouldn’t be back until the world had stabilized.”
“I did and it has. Though there are still some… well… plot holes.” He lifted his finger with a grin. “Loopholes if you will!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean asked but Castiel had a feeling he knew.
“Are you talking about the child?” Chuck’s grin widened just as Castiel’s heart sank. “So this was your doing.” Instead of answering, Chuck waved his hand, a familiar object appearing in hand.
“How did you get that?” Dean demanded when he recognized the occultum.
“I’m God, Dean. Don’t think your warding keeps me out,” Chuck said with a laugh. “And this here is the way to bring Jack back.” His words was as devasting as lighting hitting Dean and when he dared to look at Cas, he seemed to be just as shocked. But Dean didn’t allow any emotions take root, not yet, not when it was Chuck offering up something like that.
“You’re lying. You said there was no way to bring Jack back,” he spat. Chuck shrugged easily.
“There wasn’t then. Jack as he was back then would have broken the world. But this is for Jack 2.0,” he said and then tossed the occultum towards them. Dean caught it. “We’ve got the building blocks to do it now.”
“I don’t understand,” Castiel said even though he was slowly putting together what Chuck was implying. He clenched his hand in the fabric of his shirt, pulling it taunt over his stomach. Chuck saw. Of course he did.
“I think you do. And it’s easy. You’re already producing a little human body. You swallow the occultum, it will regenerate Jack’s soul which will then occupy the vessel. And that way we have a Jack that’s not going to break the world again!”
“Wait a moment! What about our kid?” Dean demanded, shoving the occultum into his pocket, out of sight. Castiel’s mind was reeling.
“Jack will take over, protosoul and body,” Chuck said, unconcerned.
“What the fuck, no!” Dean protested.
“No?” Chuck asked with a frown. He crossed his arms over his chest, the flicker of disapproval should terrify Cas, but he couldn’t focus on that now. Not when Chuck was suggesting what he was suggesting. “I thought you would want him back. Cas especially.”
“Yeah but- You can’t just use our kid for spare parts!” Dean yelled. Chuck lifted his hands.
“I’m not doing anything. I’m just giving you an opportunity. A choice you can take,” he said.
“This isn’t a fucking choice!” Dean shouted but stopped dead in his tracks when he looked at Cas. Cas saw the shock on his face as Dean realized that Cas was thinking about it. “Cas, you can’t be considering this…!”
“The child isn’t a person yet, Dean…” Castiel said. “It wouldn’t make a difference to them. And we could have Jack back.”
“How can you argue that so… so rationally?” Castiel didn’t think he was being rational about it at all but he didn’t want to contradict Dean. “It would make a difference! Cas, it wouldn’t be Jack! Not really.”
“Uh, it would,” Chuck offered.
“Shut up!” Dean snapped at him, then turned to Cas. “Cas… Think about it.”
“I am,” Castiel admitted even though it hurt. “Dean… I miss him,” he said, voice choked. “I want him back so badly. To have him erased form existence so completely, it’s just… it’s so cruel.” Dean didn’t answer, instead he put his hand on Cas’ cheek, gently even though Cas could see that he was panicking.
“Can’t we do it later?” He asked, still staring at Cas, but he reluctantly took his eyes off him to look at Chuck. “Have another child, knowing that it will be Jack?” Dean begged. Chuck shook his head.
“There is not going to be another child,” he said. “Cas shouldn’t have been able to get pregnant in the first place. He’s an angel.”
“Wasn’t it your doing?” Dean asked.
“No. When Jack lost his soul, a wisp of it found a safe harbor in Cas. And that made it possible in the first place. This child wouldn’t even exist without Jack.”
Dean glared at him, but then he looked at Castiel. Castiel found it hard to meet his eyes, considering what he was thinking about. He almost felt ashamed. Dean seemed to notice it, his eyes searching even as they welled up. Eventually, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the occultum. He took Castiel’s hand, carefully placing the marble there and closing Cas’ fingers over it.
“Your choice. I decided on the fate of Jack without you, now it’s your turn,” he whispered.
Castiel couldn’t speak. He had expected for Dean to put up a fight. And a part of him was grateful, grateful that he could choose Jack, but another part, a bigger part as furious.
“This is not how it works!” he yelled, startling Dean. “Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean I have to make the same mistake just so that we are… what? Even?! So that we both have to feel guilt?!”
Castiel pulled his hand free of Dean’s hold and walked over to Chuck. Even though it nearly cleaved him in half to let go, he dropped the occultum on the table.
“You sure?” Chuck asked. Instead of answering him, Cas turned around and looked at Dean.
“No!” he snapped. “And I will regret this and I’ll feel horrible for failing Jack one last time. But I couldn’t live with myself either if I erased this!” Castiel put his hand on his stomach. “Whatever this child is. I couldn’t live with myself if my choice would make you resent her.”
“I wouldn’t,” Dean said. “It would still be my kid. I would try my best.” Castiel wasn’t sure he believed him, but it didn’t matter. He had made his choice and he’d deal with it now.
“What is going to happen with the piece of Jack’s soul that is inside of me?” Castiel wondered and turned away from Dean’s tearstained face. Chuck hummed and picked the occultum up. It started floating above Chuck’s palm. Then, like a bullet, it rushed at Cas, piercing him. Castiel didn’t even feel it enter or leave his body and within a second the occultum was back to resting in Chuck’s palm.
“I… what happened?”
“I took the fragment out,” Chuck answered easily.
“But I don’t… fell any different,” Castiel admitted though Chuck didn’t seem concerned about that.
“Uh… what now?” Dean asked.
“I was just curious to see what was going to happen and what choices you two would make.” Chuck laughed. “And let me tell you, you manage to surprise me every single time!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dean demanded. He walked up to Cas, wrapping his arm around him and pulling him close. “Are you okay?”
“Yes… I think so…”
“Jack’s soul is going to regenerate in here,” Chuck said, then tossed the occultum back at Cas. “As far as I know, Rowena was working on a spell to bring a body back with just a soul, right?”
“Uh, I don’t know?” Dean admitted, sharing a look with Cas.
“She is. Just tell her that you’ve got Jack’s soul, I’m sure she’ll figure it out then.”
“Wait,” Dean started. “Do you mean we’re getting Jack back?!” Chuck nodded. “What the hell?! Fuck you, Chuck!” Dean shouted, tears in his eyes. Chuck looked startled. “Really?! Do you get off on this?! These moments of heartache for nothing?! Just like when you wanted to make me kill Jack and then killed him yourself when I couldn’t!”
Chuck looked offended.
“I’m helping!” he argued. “I just need you to make your choices yourself! You spoiled brats! Never any gratitude!”
“How… how long is it going to take?” Cas asked once he had found his voice again.
“That depends on how long it will take Rowena to complete her spell. In the occultum time is meaningless. A thousand years and no time at all have passed. He’ll be ready when the spell is.” Chuck said. He then made a point of looking at his watch.
“Alright, that is enough help for now. I have an appointment with Amara. Bye for now,” he said and then he was gone, only the pancakes on the counter and the occultum in Cas’ palm a sign that he had been here at all.
Dean and Cas turned to look at each other.
“What the fuck.”
“Can we even trust what he said?” Castiel asked and looked down at the occultum. “Is Jack really in here…” Instead of answering, Dean pulled Castiel close, kissing his forehead.
“Thank you,” he said, sounding breathless. He wrapped his arms around Castiel, giving him a tight squeeze, before he buried his face in Castiel’s neck.
“Why…? Whatever I would have chosen didn’t really matter. Chuck had already made up his mind,” he said and Dean understood the bitterness in his voice well. He drew back and looked at Castiel.
“Chuck gave you an impossible choice and I can’t tell you which one was the right one to make… But you chose our child, Cas… And I know I’m being a selfish bastard, but it does matter to me,” he admitted. Castiel didn’t answer, so Dean let him sit down on the couch to process what had just happened. He on the other hand got to work.
Castiel knew that he should probably at least offer to contribute to the research, but truth to be told, he felt tired.
He probably shouldn’t, considering that they were working to bring Jack back. He should do his best to make it happen as quickly as possible.
“Smart thinking.” He looked up when Dean appeared next to him on the gallery. He sat down in the other armchair and stretched out his legs with a sigh. “Let the witchy kids do all the work.” Castiel hummed. “You okay?” Dean asked next.
“I have no reason not to be,” he admitted. Dean didn’t press him to elaborate and for a while Castiel thought that he wouldn’t want to either. But among the weariness there was a little glimmer of something else. And it wasn’t the warm spark of hope and joy. Instead it was something more out of place. Frustration. Anger.
“I don’t understand why Chuck made us go through months of anguish if this was what he had planned from the start,” Castiel eventually said. “He could have told us that there was a way to bring Jack back.”
“He’s God, Cas. And he’s a dick. I don’t think there’s much point in trying to puzzle out why he does anything,” Dean said with a sigh. “You know the drill. God works in mysterious ways.” Castiel wrinkled his nose in disgust, which made Dean chuckle lightly. “I know. It sucks.”
“It does.”
“Yeah, free will,” Dean continued. “It at times feels like a farce. That no matter what we do, even if we surprise God himself, it inevitably doesn’t matter. But what if it’s not…? What if he’s just rewarding us for making a choice?” Castiel shook his head. “He could have accepted your choice and not given us Jack.”
“I don’t enjoy that train of thought. That we are being rewarded for a sacrifice. But he seems to be into that. You sacrificed your son to God’s will and even though he took it from you, he is now rewarding you for your choice,” Castiel said.
“Yeah, I’d rather not think about that too much,” Dean eventually said. “Because what matters is that we get Jack back… And who knows… maybe it was better this way.” Castiel looked up at him, an incredulous frown on his face.
“How?”
“Because maybe we would just have continued on like before,” Dean admitted. “With you brushing off the way I treated you, with me not thinking that anything was wrong with it because in the end I got my way.” Castiel seemed to think this through, but then he looked away, into the map room below.
“Maybe,” he said. And it was alright with Dean if this was all he was going to get out of Cas for now. Because he knew that he still had to make up to Castiel.
It took quite a while for Rowena and Sam to assemble the spell, but after a couple of hours, Dean and Cas were called in from the sidelines, to join them in the bathroom. The room was fragrant and dimly lit with candles only. There was water in the tub, steaming slightly, petals and herbs on the still surface. Despite his muted senses Cas could feel the objects in the water humming together, the potential of their connection in a spell sparking.
“Why here?” Dean wanted to know.
“I don’t have a mixing bowl big enough for his body to manifest in,” Rowena said with a roll of her eyes. “This will have to suffice.” Castiel looked at the stools next to the bathtub – one held a fluffy towel and the other… Jack’s clothes.
It seemed to rob his breath that this was really happening. Was it really happening? He nearly didn’t dare to hope. He wouldn’t. Not until he had Jack in his arms.
Not until… he saw how Dean reacted to having Jack back.
“We just need two more things,” Rowena said, her voice revibrating against the tiles of the quiet room. She turned a weighed look on Dean.
“Uh… yeah!” he said and pulled the occultum out of his pocket. He handed it over to Sam. But other than toss it into the bathtub or whatever else it was that they should be doing for their fancy spell, Sam merely exchanged a look with Rowena.
“As to the last ingredient,” she said and Dean’s heart sunk to his shoes. Of course these things always came with a catch.
“What is it? Something bad? A sacrifice?” he asked. Rowena snorted.
“We have a soul, this spell will make him a body and reunite the two, but what we’re missing…” She trailed off and looked at Castiel.
“Grace,” Sam supplied when neither Castiel or Dean were forthcoming with any guesses for the missing ingredient.
“Oh,” Castiel said, sounding surprised. “Of course, if it’s Grace you need… I don’t have a lot of it, but I can spare some,” he promised. But Dean lifted his hands.
“Woah, wait,” he said when Sam pulled that damned scary looking Grace extraction device off the table next to him. How had he not seen that before? “Is that necessary?”
“If we complete the spell as it is, there would be nothing Nephilim about it,” Rowena said.
“And why is that a bad thing?” Dean instantly snapped, his voice richoting off the walls like a bullet. Maybe an actual bullet would have done less damage too. The bathroom was dead silent. He looked at Cas, who was just studying the bathtub with a neutral expression. Or as neutral as it could be, considering that he was avoiding looking at Dean.
“I…” Dean started, a sinking feeling in his chest. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Like what?” Cas repeated flatly.
“Let’s not be morons here,” Rowena said before Dean could justify himself. “Dean is right to question it. We’ve all seen what being a Nephilim did to Jack. Losing his Grace killed him. Sure, there is baggage, but let’s at least try to make a decision with a clear head.”
“I think… this is not a decision we should make for Jack,” Sam offered. “Of course I would love for him to be human, but it’s simply a fact that he wasn’t.”
“Yeah but it would be easier,” Dean insisted.
“Would it? Don’t you think your kid wouldn’t like having an older brother who would understand her?” Sam pushed and Dean startled. Because he had never thought about this before. Jack would be his daughter’s older brother. Someone who would guard her, who she could relate too.
“But… it wouldn’t be the same… Unless we call down Michael, he’s not going to have archangel Grace,” Dean argued. “He won’t be as powerful as he used to be.”
“He’ll be as powerful as your daughter,” Rowena suggested. “At least most likely. There’s really no telling. Nobody has done significant research on this. Which is a shame.” Dean looked at Castiel.
“Yeah, okay. I get it. What’s your opinion, Cas?” Cas wrinkled his nose. He seemed torn but in the end he nodded his head towards Sam.
Dean watched as Sam extracted a tiny amount of Grace from Cas’ arm, but according to Rowena it was quite enough to boost the spell.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” Rowena prompted. Cas hesitated but after a moment he walked up to the tub and turned the vial so that the drop of Grace flew out of it. It didn’t even make a sound as it hit the surface of the water but a second later the water started glowing, casting the whole room into a pretty blue glow.
“Now the soul. Then the spell,” Rowena said. Dean walked up to Cas and darted a look at him. His eyes were glowing in the light coming from the tub.
“It’ll be fine, you’ll see,” Dean told him. Castiel didn’t reply but he did look at Dean, giving him a nod. Dean held his hand over the tub and then let the little marble roll off his palm. It fell into the water. Nothing happened.
Rowena started the spell and not longer after Sam joined her. It didn’t take long for the effects to set in. The occultum was enveloped in a golden glow and then slowly the ghostly form of Jack’s soul started to appear under the water’s surface. Bit by bit his body became less see-through and more solid until the chanting stopped.
It was eerily silent in the bathroom.
Jack opened his eyes and sat up at once, sputtering and coughing. He wiped his hand over his face and then his hair out of his eyes. He looked up and noticed everyone standing around.
“Wh… what…?” he asked but then his shocked face crumbled as he looked around.
“Let’s get him out of the bath,” Rowena said. Castiel was the first to move. He grabbed hold of Jack’s arms and helped him get out of the tub, then wrapped the towel around him.
“Cas…! Cas, I’m so sorry,” he said, hiccupping. Cas wrapped his arms around him, giving him a squeeze. Dean could see how Cas’ soft expression scrunched up, the pain and relief too hard to keep in.
“It’s okay,” he promised.
“No!” Jack protested and drew back. He looked at Dean and Sam.
“I’m so sorry about Mary! I couldn’t control my powers… I couldn’t-“ he babbled and sniffed.
“Great,” Dean said. “Couldn’t Chuck at least take some of his memories or something? Why does nothing ever get to be easy around here?”
“Dean…” Sam chastised.
“I am so sorry. I will do whatever I can to redeem myself to you,” Jack promised.
“Jack, it’s okay. It’s been months,” Dean said and this time Sam actually stepped on his foot. “Hey!”
“So will we,” Sam said, more diplomatic, gentler. “We’ll work through it.” He looked down at Dean, eyebrows raised expectantly. “Right?”
“Yes,” he eventually said. He didn’t want to think about the last time Jack saw him, past the barrel of a gun. But it was a fact, even if Dean had tried his best not to revisit it. “And I’m sorry too.”
Jack was still crying when Cas helped him into his clothes. He went to get pats on the head and hugs from all of them, just to end back in Cas’ arms.
Castiel actually smiled down at him, before he lifted his head and sought out Dean’s eyes. His smile widened and it was like a shot to the heart to see that joy and hope and relief on his expression. It was almost like Dean didn’t quite deserve to see it, but here they were.
“Uhm, Cas?” Jack asked, drawing away slightly to look down. “What’s that?” Castiel smiled at him, unabashed, joyful.
“It’s a baby,” he said.
“Your baby sister, kid” Dean added. “Welcome to the life of a big brother.” Jack stared at him, then at Cas and then down again.
“What?!” His screech echoed in the bathroom, but it was quickly drowned out by laughter.
A couple of weeks later, a bit late, a baby that should not have been was born. And even though she had grown, for the most part, within the shadows of a deep, devasting grief, she was welcomed into a life that was fuller again, louder, no longer shrouded in despair.
“Joy?” Rowena asked, awkwardly bouncing the child in her arms. Her mouth pulled slightly down. “Are you sure? I would have suggested something with a little bit more… I don’t know. Weight to it,” she said. “Glamor. Power.”
Castiel rolled his eyes, then went to fetch her a cup of coffee from the monstrosity of a coffee machine that neither of them had yet tamed.
“I think it’s cute,” Jack announced. He was absolutely useless at making sure that Cas stayed put, at least for a little bit. Dean simply didn’t quite trust Cas’ assurances that the whole process of labor and delivery had passed him by with no issues. He was an angel, yeah of course, but still…! Just, settle down for a bit, let Dean process, for fuck’s sake. But of course Dean kept his grumbling to himself.
“Well, I suppose,” Rowena conceded then handed her off to Dean.
“Aren’t you going to curse her or something? Isn’t that what witches do?” Dean teased, then looked down at his daughter. It might be cheesy but she did have an angelic face. So round and pretty, the wisps of hair she had dark.
“If it’s a curse you want, I have many on offer,” Rowena shot back and took the cup of coffee. “But she’ll have it hard enough to be born into family of world breaking, unfashionable oafs like you.”
“Hey…” Sam complained, tugging at his shirt. It was rather atrocious.
“And then there’s Jack. He’s alright,” Rowena added.
“Thank you,” Jack said with a surprised smile. Rowena laughed and shook her head. Jack came to stand beside Dean, staring down into Joy’s face.
Castiel sat down at the table.
“There is a lot of intent in choosing a name, especially for a celestial being,” he offered. Dean and Cas had talked about it for quite a while. About what would be appropriate, if there was a way to honor Mary in passing on her name. But in the end they didn’t want her to start off with any baggage in the hopes that her parents would have figured it all out by the time she was born. “I never thought there would be joy in my life again…”
“Ugh, if you continue this sappy train of thought, I am leaving,” Rowena complained but her lips did quirk up into a small smile. “So let’s just keep quiet.”
“Alright then,” Castiel said and grinned down at his baby.
End