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Escape Artist

Summary:

In which L makes a stealthy escape from Sachiko and Soichiro’s bedroom to prevent their son from catching them in the act.

Notes:

This is a quick thing I wrote for Tumblr and which I’ve decided I want archived after all.

Work Text:

L was making a commitment to himself. He was going to stop letting his dick make one hundred percent of his decisions. It could still make some of them. He was fond of it, and he would not deny it that. Nonetheless, there had to be some balance. His brain had to be engaged at least some of the time.

He was thinking about this as the two fifty year olds he’d been fucking a few minutes ago were trying to convince him to leap out their bedroom window.

“You’re young,” Sachiko was saying, as he peered out the window. There wasn’t even a trellis. There was just a straight fifteen foot drop. “You’ve got good knees.”

“He might die,” Soichiro said, reasonably. Then, less reasonably, “I’ll teach you how to do a roll.”

The issue was this: they had just heard their son come through the front door, one floor down.

(Why is he back so soon, Sachiko had hissed. He was supposed to be at a love hotel. This had generated a series of questions he elected not to ask while he was willing his erection to wilt.)

“I think,” L said. “I’m going to go out the front door.”

There was a long silence. He turned around to find both of them staring at him. Soichiro had put his shirt and pants back on, but Sachiko was still sitting there in her very practical bra and underpants.

“You can’t do that,” Soichiro said, very firmly. “I’m sorry, son. I know it’s difficult, but you’re going to have to jump out the window.”

“Could you not — I would prefer if you didn’t call me that, right now.” L said. In general he didn’t mind, and he also didn’t want to think about what this implied about his psychological wellbeing, but he felt everyone’s clothes should be on when such words were spoken.

Before they could insist any further that it would be okay for him to break all his limbs, he began gathering up his shirt and boxers and pants; he slipped them on as quickly as he could. He wished Sachiko would put her clothes back on, too, so his dick would stop expressing its opinions.

“I’ll be quick,” he promised. “I’ll sneak. Listen, he’s heading back up the stairs. Right now. He’s going into his room.” He was pretty sure this was true — he could hear his footsteps. The Yagami's house had a funny way of throwing about sounds, but he was still almost entirely certain. “He won’t hear me. He won’t know.” Then, when they looked unconvinced. “Look, he’s going to be much more curious if he hears screams emanating from your window then finds a dead man on your lawn.”

This seemed to work. “Fine,” said Sachiko. Then, “We’ll call you.”

He would answer. Unfortunately. He knew this. He told himself very firmly that he would at least think about his answer before immediately agreeing to whatever they asked. “Right,” he said. “Well. This was lovely. Maybe we could consider a different venue, next time.”

Time really was of the essence. He slipped out the door and down the stairs then nearly smacked into the Yagami's son, who had apparently not gone upstairs after all but was in fact turning the corner with a bowl of cereal in his hands.

He looked at Light. Light looked at him.

He had never met Light before, but he’d seen his pictures around the house. He was a little younger than L, golden haired, tall, sort of generically handsome in a way L probably would have appreciated if he were lucky enough to harbour age-appropriate fantasies. Light, he supposed, had never seen him.

“Who are you,” Light said, flatly.

The cereal, L noted, was some sort of fancy granola with cherries in it. The Yagamis had fed it to him a few visits ago.

“I am —“ L cast around for an appropriate lie. He was generally quite good at lying, but at the moment he was a bit frazzled. “The electrician.”

“The electrician,” Light said, even flatter. He looked very deliberately at L’s dick, which was simply not as flaccid as L would have preferred in the present moment.

But there was no backing out. “Yes. The electrician. Your — outlets are fixed now. The wires, and so on.”

“Great,” said Light. He ate a spoonful of granola. It felt strangely pointed. L had not been aware, previously, that it was possible to eat granola aggressively. “Could you please get the fuck out of my house.”

There was really nothing on earth L wanted more. “Absolutely. I would love to do that. Nice meeting you, Light.”

Light ate another spoonful. He did not break eye contact. L spun, and walked out the door as fast as one could possibly manage without crossing over into a run. He shut it behind him, and then, feeling suddenly very dizzy, felt back against it, breathed out, and looked up at the sky. It was very blue.

Maybe he should have jumped out the window after all.

His pocket buzzed. He pulled his phone out and read his brand-new text. It was from Sachiko.

We had nice time, it said. Then, See you next week. ;)

The correct answer was no, absolutely the fuck not. He pressed the back of his hand against his eyes, then took it away and looked at his phone again. He reminded himself that he was in control of his destiny and capable of making dignified choices. Then he started to type.

Of course. Always. I'll be there.