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“Guess who gets to scrub in on Shepherd’s cerebral artery infarction,” Simone says when she walks through the doors. She’s still riding a high from Shepherd telling her she could scrub in. Simone’s never seen one of these procedures be done – let alone from the patient’s bedside, next to arguably the greatest neurosurgeon in the country.
“Congrats,” Mika replies distractedly. She’s toying with a packet of chips she’s got from the vending machine.
Simone frowns. That is not Mika’s normal reaction to being told someone other than her gets to scrub in on a cool surgery. Simone was expecting some competitive jab, and then maybe a ‘I’m happy for you’. But only after emphasis is pointedly placed on Mika’s jealousy.
“You’re being weird,” Simone tells her.
“Am not.”
Simone rolls her eyes and sits down on the gurney beside her. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Yasuda, I have surgery in a few hours, and I need to do rounds before that. And get some sleep, ideally. You tell me now, or you continue spiralling. Up to you?”
Mika finally looks over at her. She pauses, running a hand through her hair, then says, “I’m worried I’m rushing into something and I’m going too quick and it’s gonna result in pain or rejection or – I don’t know. I just don’t want to mess it up.”
Simone frowns. “Are you talking about you and Helm? Did you get back together?
Mika shifts uncomfortably. “No. Still broken up. It’s been a week. That’s… that’s kind of the problem.”
“You regret breaking up with her?”
“No,” Mika says quickly. It’s not an answer that requires though; it’s an instinct. “I mean, I don’t think so. I just, when I was with her, it was good. At the start before she snaked me,” Mika adds, still bitter about that day Helm put her on fast track to get thrown up on and hit on by drunk med students. “And I liked her. I really liked her.”
Simone’s still frowning. “But you broke up with her.”
“Yeah, because it was complicated. And it didn’t work. It wasn’t worth the effort of working through that boss-employee complicated dynamic.”
“Yasuda, I still have no idea what you’re getting at.”
Mika sighs, and throws her chips to the side. “There’s someone new.”
“Oh. Really?” Simone can’t help her disbelief.
Mika grits her teeth. “I’m going to regret telling you this, aren’t I–”
“No, I’m just surprised,” Simone explains. “I didn’t know.”
“Griffith,” Mika says. “If you tell Skywalker about any of this, I swear to god…” she trails off threateningly.
Simone just laughs, then, in response to Mika’s glare, schools her face into a more serious expression. “I won’t tell him. I promise.”
Mika waits, weighing up whether she trusts Simone to not go running to Lucas. Then she deflates. She’s never been great at holding her tongue. “I don’t even know if there is someone new,” she rambles. “It’s complicated. I mean, we kissed. But we haven’t really talked about it. But it was a good kiss. Like really good. But I didn’t realise she was–” Mika stops, inhales sharply. “Before, I didn’t think she was an option. I hadn’t even considered it really because I just knew she wouldn’t reciprocate but–”
“But now you know she does, and you don’t know what to do?”
Mika nods. “I liked Taryn. I did. I feel like I’m being disrespectful to that by just immediately starting something new and… there wasn’t overlap,” Mika adds suddenly. It’s important to her to point that out. There was no overlap. “I mean, maybe I always had a small crush. Or, not even a crush – I just thought she was cool, you know. Cool, and pretty and–”
“Am I allowed to ask who this is?” Simone asks, smiling.
“No,” Mika says quickly. “It’s barely been a week since I broke up with Taryn. And it’s not like this new thing wouldn’t be complicated–”
“Wait,” Simone interrupts, leaning forwards on the bed. “Do they work at the hospital too?”
Mika hesitates, and ducks her head. “This is why I wasn’t going to tell you.”
“But you did.”
“Because I’m tired and clearly not in control of my mental capacities. Exhaustion is a serious problem you know. It makes people do stupid things. Like confide in you.” Mika quirks her eyebrows up at Simone.
Simone grins. “Come on, it’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.”
“I’m not saying,” Mika replies.
Simone grumbles. “Fine. I still don’t understand why there’s an issue though. You like someone new, so what?”
Mika rubs her sternum and sits down on the gurney. “It’s just a lot,” she says. “I like her so much but we’re barely even anything. I mean, we haven’t even had sex, but I’m… I’m stupid for her. You know?”
Simone bites her lip, and nods. She understands being stupid for someone. Everything that went down with her fiancé, and Lucas, that was all about stupidity. And love. The two concepts aren’t too far apart.
“It feels wrong to start something so serious so soon. But also, it feels so right. I’ve never…” Mika trails off, shaking her head.
“Love at first sight is a thing you know. It doesn’t always have to be slow, getting to know you phase.”
Mika waves her off. “It wasn’t love at first sight. It was months gone by, and then all of a sudden everything changed. Like I got glasses and everything came into focus and – bam, there she was.” Mika can’t help but smile.
Simone laughs. “This is cute.”
“What?” Mika pouts.
“Seeing you all…” Simone waves her hands around in explanation. “It’s sweet.”
“It’s confusing,” Mika laments. “And great. So great. But–”
“Confusing, and complicated. As though you’ve betrayed every other person you’ve been with by not feeling this way for them,” Simone says. Mika tilts her head to the side questioningly. “I get it.”
“You do?” Mika raises her eyebrows.
“Are you forgetting everything that happened in the last year?”
“Oh, right,” Mika realises. “Sometimes I forget you quite literally left your fiancé at the altar.”
Simone grimaces. “Point is, I understand complicated feelings. But I know what it’s like when you finally meet someone who sees you. It recontextualises every past relationship. You realise everything that was missing.” Mika nods slowly. “You don’t have to feel guilty about it. It’s not like you and Helm were going to get married and then you realised she wasn’t your first choice, and you left her at the altar.”
Mika’s face twists into a wide grin. “Not your finest moment. But it was entertaining.”
Simone rolls her eyes. “Glad to be of service to you.”
“Thanks,” Mika says.
“For leaving my fiancé at the altar so you got good gossip?”
Mika shakes her head. “For the advice. But, yeah, also for the good gossip.”
Simone hums. “No problem. Hey, in exchange for giving you great advice and great gossip, any chance you want to tell me who your mystery woman is?” Mika picks up the bag of chips and throws it at her. Simone catches it laughing. “Hey, thanks for the food. I need it before my surgery.” She stands up and starts making her way out of the basement.
“Hey,” Mika calls after her. “Give that back!”
*
Simone walks into the On-Call room, throwing the empty bag of chips in the bin. She’ll probably pay for that later, but oh well. It’s not like Yasuda hasn’t stolen half the food out of her cupboard anyway. She flicks the light on. There’s a groan.
“Oh – sorry! Didn’t realise you were in here.”
“It’s fine,” Jules says, squinting as her eyes adjust to the light. She’s lying on the lower bunk, swiping through her phone.
“You realise On-Call rooms are generally meant for sleeping?” Simone asks, shifting off her lab coat. Jules sends her a look. “Well, sleeping, or sex,” Simone amends. “But most people swipe through twitter in the hallways.”
“I was trying to sleep. Couldn’t. Hence, scrolling,” she says, waving her phone in explanation.
“Something on your mind?” Simone asks before she can stop herself. Jules hums. Simone takes that as a ‘yes’. “I’m on something of a roll today if you want to share,” she suggests.
Jules rubs the back of her neck, then shrugs. “Yeah, whatever. I slept with Kwan like, a week ago.”
“You sleeping with Kwan is not news to anyone.”
“Yeah, well, I now am not sleeping with Kwan. I don’t know if he knows that, he seems pretty distracted with–”
“Weird mystery girl.” Simone nods, taking off her shoes.
“Yep, exactly.”
“Is there a reason you’re not sleeping with Kwan?”
Jules bites the inside of her cheek. “There’s… someone else.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” Simone settles herself in the bottom bunk opposite Jules.
“Yeah, it’s just,” Jules starts, then pauses. She shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s just, I have all these feelings, and I’m not used to having all these feelings. I haven’t done a proper relationship in ages. Kwan and I were always firmly on the no feelings front – or at least, the no relationship front,” she amends, thinking back to that momentary blip where she may or may not have said she loved him. Just one of many regrettable life decisions.
“So, you can’t get to sleep because you have feelings for someone?”
“I can’t go to sleep because last week I told Kwan I had a crush on him, and this week it’s like–”
Simone snorts, “Bam, all gone. New feelings replaced it.”
“Uh, yeah, actually. That’s kind of it.”
Jules frowns as Simone laughs. “Sorry, it’s just… I had practically the exact same conversation with Yasuda earlier.”
Jules sits up rigid. “What?”
“Yeah, she’s got a new girlfriend – or someone,” Simone amends.
“Mik-Yasuda talked to you about her new girlfriend?” Jules voice has a certain edge to it that Simone can’t place.
“I don’t know if there’s officially a label yet. But she’s got a new thing, and she’s confused about how much she cares about the new person when she only broke up with Helm last week.”
“They were on the rocks for a while,” Jules says, looking at her hands.
“Yeah, I know. But, it’s basically the same problem you have, right? So, I’ll tell you what I told her. When you meet someone and you know, it doesn’t matter about the past. You’re serious about this person?” she asks. Jules pauses, then nods. “So you know with him what you never knew with Kwan. That happens sometimes. I thought I loved my fiancé. I did love my fiancé. But he wasn’t my soulmate–”
“I don’t believe in soulmates,” Jules interrupts.
Simone rolls her eyes. “Or marriage, or babies, or anything. I know. But you believe that some people are more compatible than others, don’t you?”
“Well, yeah. Obviously.”
“So there’s someone out there who you are the most compatible with, right?”
“I guess?” Jules says, uncertain.
“That’s all I mean by soulmate.”
“That’s how you feel with Adams?” Jules raises her eyebrows.
Simone nods. “I love him in a way that I would have never loved Trey. Time doesn’t matter. It took a month to feel more known by Lucas than I did with any of my past relationships.”
“Huh.”
“You feel that way with this new guy?”
“Girl,” Jules corrects. “And, I don’t know. It’s early. But… I’ve never felt like this. I’ve never wanted someone like this. Like, I can’t imagine not being with her, you know?”
“You like her enough that your opinions on marriage are changing?” Simone tests.
“God, you’re obsessed with that.” Jules laughs. “And no. I still think marriage is a distraction. I just… maybe being distracted isn’t that bad,” she concludes. Then quickly adds, “Not that I’m thinking about marriage, okay? It’s been a week. We’re not there yet.”
“Yet,” Simone teases.
“Oh shut up,” Jules says.
“Gladly,” Simone replies, standing up and climbing the ladder. “I have surgery in an hour or two. Between you and Yasuda, I’ll be lucky if I get any sleep.” She readjust the sheets over her, burying her head in the pillow. Then she groans, “Hey, Millin.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you turn off the light?”
*
“Here.” Lucas pushes a thermos of coffee into her hand. Simone leans in to kiss him.
“Thank you,” she says as his arms wrap around her.
“I made my specialty too,” he replies, waving a tinfoil-wrapped sandwich around.
Simone grins, and kisses him again. “You’re the best.”
“Oh, hey,” a voice comes from the hallway. Simone extracts herself from Lucas and turns around. She frowns – normally Mika would just cut in between the two of them and make some comment about how annoying they are. But it’s not Mika in their hallway. Or Kwan’s mystery girl.
It’s Jules.
“Millin?” Simone asks.
Jules walks into the kitchen. “Is there leftover coffee?” she asks hopefully.
“Only if you steal Yasuda’s,” Lucas says, waving Jules into the direction of Mika’s thermos. Jules shrugs, picking it up and taking a sip. “She might kill you though,” Lucas adds warily. Jules doesn’t look too fussed.
“Uh, so, what are you doing here?” Simone asks.
“I stayed over,” Jules says matter-of-factly.
Simone frowns. “I didn’t you on the couch.”
“Uh, yeah. Mika let me crash,” Jules replies.
“Huh.”
“Huh?” Jules parrots back.
“I didn’t realise you and Mika were that close.”
Jules’ eyes widen slightly. She averts her gaze. “Yeah, well. Kwan was moping last night. Was he not still playing videogames when you guys got back?”
“We got back late,” Lucas explains.
“Full house,” Kwan notes as he walks into the kitchen. “Cool.” He picks up an apple, tosses it in the air then shoves it in his jacket. “Where’s Yasuda? We’re going to be late.”
“If Leona can survive taking the weight of five people,” Lucas replies.
“Leona is a goddess, she’ll be fine,” Mika says from the entranceway. “And hurry up, I don’t want to be late.”
“You’re literally the last one here,” Lucas complains. He grabs his jacket nonetheless, following Kwan into the hallway.
“Whatever, Skywalker. Where’s my coffee?” she asks, rummaging around the kitchen.
“Oh, here.” Jules hands it over to her. Mika takes it, smiling. There’s a moment. Simone isn’t tired enough to not notice there’s a moment.
“Oh my god,” she realises.
“Hm,” Mika says distractedly, then pulls her eyes away from Jules. “What?”
“You were talking about each other.”
“Again, what?” Mika repeats.
“Your new girl is Millin,” Simone says, laughing in disbelief. Mika and Jules exchange a look.
“No,” Mika says quickly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jules adds, and starts to make her exit towards the hallway.
“Maybe if you checked your neck in the mirror you would,” Simone calls after her. Jules freezes, slapping a hand on the skin. “I was just bluffing but…” Simone grins. Jules glares at her. The threat of it is entirely diminished by the blush spreading over her face. “I can’t believe this. You two are…” Simone shakes her head.
“Keep it down,” Mika hushes.
“Now is not the right time,” Jules adds, peering around the corner as if Kwan’s about to jump out at her.
“You’re perfect for each other,” Simone can’t help but say. “I mean seriously, I talked to her about you then talked to you about her within an hour, and you were both worried about the exact same thing.”
“Wow, so much for secrets,” Mika deadpans.
“I said I wouldn’t tell people you were seeing someone,” Simone replies, rolling her eyes. “I think Millin knows you’re seeing someone, given that she’s the person you’re seeing.”
“Oh, right,” Mika realises. Jules’ lips are pressed together in silent amusement.
“Are you guys coming?” Lucas leans into the kitchen. “We’re going to be late, especially with the way Yasuda drives.”
“Hey, I drive fine.” Mika stalks after him angrily.
“Yasuda, huh?” Simone asks Jules when it’s just the two of them in the room. Jules just nods. “I’m happy for you. Especially if I get to be maid of honor.” She starts walking out the room; she can practically hear Jules’ eyes roll as she follows behind her.