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Vernon usually isn't one to be dramatic, but he can’t deny that it affected him massively when Chan and Seungkwan came into the living room of Joshua and Seungcheol’s apartment one regular Friday evening and announced that they were dating.
“We’re dating. We’re boyfriends now,” Seungkwan announces to the room.
Vernon doesn’t know how to process that.
His two best friends are dating, and they didn’t tell him. Two-thirds of his trio of best friends decided to drastically change their relationship and they didn’t tell him. They started dating four days ago and they didn’t tell him. It would’ve been more understandable if they were planning on keeping it quiet for a while, but clearly, they weren’t.
He should be happy for them, but he isn't. He feels like a pit has opened up in his chest. Maybe he’d entirely misjudged this friendship. He doesn’t think so though; Seungkwan and Chan are both very open with their affection and they have both referred to him as their best friend very insistently multiple times.
He tries to get over the shock, but it’s a tough ask.
Later that evening, he’s finally able to talk to Chan and Seungkwan alone. He’s still reeling.
“Are you guys really dating?” he asks.
“Yes,” Seungkwan replies. “Why is that so shocking?” He’s acting very defensive about this. Does he really not get why Vernon would be bothered by this?
“Well, I just figured that you guys would’ve told me first.” Vernon tries to keep his voice neutral. He doesn’t want them to feel bad about this. Them dating should be a happy thing.
“We’re sorry, Vernonie,” Seungkwan says, pouting at him in that way that means please don’t be mad at me. “I guess it just slipped our minds. And it only just happened! But we should’ve told you first. We’re really sorry.”
Chan is nodding along too. They’re a united front about this. Of course they are.
Vernon moves on. He can’t talk about this anymore.
“How did it happen anyway. I didn’t even know you guys liked each other,” he asks. He genuinely didn’t. Usually, he would be able to tell these sorts of things. They’re his best friends; they know each other so well. The realisation that he’d missed something so fundamental is another dent in his confidence towards their friendship.
“Because it was a secret!” Seungkwan says.
“Yeah,” Chan says. “Liking this loser is incredibly embarrassing.”
“Fuck you. I was embarrassed too,” Seungkwan fires back.
Is this what he’s going to have to put up with now? “Christ,” he says. Vernon isn't sure he’s going to be able to cope. Seungkwan and Chan were bad enough before, but adding in lovers’ quarrels is going to be unbearable.
“But we are very happy now and not embarrassed at all,” Seungkwan says.
“Yes,” Chan says. “We are very happy.”
“Well, I’m happy for you guys too, then.” Vernon forces out a smile. He swears it’s true. One day it will be true.
Vernon comes back into the living room and sits down on the couch. He’s drained.
Wonwoo gives him a look from across the room. It seems to say that he understands. Vernon smiles at him. Suddenly he feels a little bit lighter.
---
Vernon stops hanging out with Chan and Seungkwan as much. It’s a purposeful decision. The sting of them not telling him about their relationship has reduced very slightly, but he doesn’t have much of a desire to hang out with a freshly together couple. It just doesn’t sound very appealing.
At first, he just hangs out in his apartment, feeling lonely. But almost two weeks in to his moping, he remembers the look that Wonwoo gave him at the party and decides to text him. Wonwoo seems like he’ll understand.
Wonwoo texts back quickly. He invites Vernon round to hang out at his apartment and chill. Vernon doesn’t know if he expected anything else from Wonwoo, but it sounds nice, and Vernon needs a change of scenery, so he texts back his agreement and heads straight over.
Vernon and Wonwoo have been in the same friend group for years, but they’ve never hung out by themselves. That’s not for any particular reason, that’s just the way it turned out.
Hanging out with Wonwoo, Vernon soon discovers, is nice. He has a surprisingly silly sense of humour that he uses to catch Vernon off guard with at the most random of times. Vernon ends up staying over at Wonwoo’s way longer than he expected, until after the sun’s gone down and it’s well time to get to bed.
He leaves feeling happy and refreshed, and the massive change to his personal life has been pushed to the back of his mind.
Vernon starts hanging out at Wonwoo’s apartment more and more, until he’s there at least half of the days of the week. Wonwoo’s roommate is almost never home, so they often get the entire apartment to themselves. Vernon can play music as loud as he wants and Wonwoo lives right by a cheap convenience store, so he never has to cook. Spending time with Wonwoo is fun too. He’s chill and funny and Vernon likes the time they spend together.
---
The next time Vernon sees Seungkwan and Chan is at their friend group’s move night. Seungkwan and Chan are already there, and are sitting incredibly close. As he gets closer to them, he sees that Seungkwan is literally on top of Chan. He suppresses his urge to groan.
First, he diverts to get himself a beer, which he takes a few sips of. Then he straightens his shoulders and forces himself to be ready to face this shameless example of PDA.
“What’s up guys?” he asks.
“Nothing much,” Chan replies. “I’m just being squished by Seungkwan currently.”
“You’re so annoying,” Seungkwan says. He shoves Chan’s head, but Vernon can see the affection in the action. Chan clearly feels it too because his smile doesn’t leave his face.
“We haven’t seen you in ages, though,” Chan says to Vernon. “We need to hang out soon.” It’s probably been about a month, which in their book is ages.
Vernon chokes a little. He wasn’t expecting to get called out so directly on that right now. “Sure.”
Seungkwan reaches out and ruffles Vernon’s hair. “We love you, Vernon.”
Vernon knows they do. That’s never really been a doubt in his mind. The problem is with how their friendship is changing, and in a way where he was completely blindsided. That’s hard to move past, even though he knows he has to.
Seungkwan stands up to grab Chan a drink and Chan takes the chance to stretch out his legs. Then he turns to Vernon.
“Are you okay, dude?” Chan asks.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Vernon replies. He doesn’t want this to turn into a big thing.
“You haven’t been talking in the group chat as much and usually you text me to listen to your composition projects, but you haven’t. I hope me and Seungkwan haven’t made you feel awkward.”
“I just didn’t want to encroach on your new relationship.” Vernon stares at the ground. Talking about this is making him feel surprisingly emotional. He misses Chan and Seungkwan; the weight of it hits him hard as he’s faced with them. But he’s scared. He doesn’t know if anything will ever go back to the way it was.
“Vernon, you could never. It’s still us three, right? We need to stick together.” Chan’s voice sounds comforting, and Vernon knows he’s telling the truth. Or, at least, he thinks he’s telling the truth.
Vernon breaks eye contact with the ground to look at Chan and give him a small smile. “Yeah.”
Chan smiles back at him.
Vernon watches the movie feeling slightly better. It’s nice to know that his friends miss his presence.
Before he leaves, Seungkwan squeezes Vernon’s shoulder. “Don’t be a stranger,” he says.
“I won’t,” Vernon replies.
“Good.”
Vernon walks home alone. He feels better than he did before. He’s also realised that he needs to get over this. Chan and Seungkwan’s relationship is permanent, so he needs to just accept it. He doesn’t want to lose his friends.
---
That’s easier said than done. Vernon keeps wanting to text them but then chickens out.
He misses them. It’s weird not seeing them almost every day. He’s been spending more time with Wonwoo, but that doesn’t really make up for it. Wonwoo is great, but it’s different.
Eventually, Wonwoo asks Vernon why he’s feeling so down.
“Are you doing okay?” he asks. “You seem really sad these days.” It’s late into the night, it’s raining heavily and they’re hanging out in Wonwoo’s living room, doing not much in particular.
“I’m fine,” Vernon says.
“Come on, I know that’s not true.”
“I just miss Chan and Seungkwan.”
“Then hang out with them. They’d love to see you.”
“It’s not that easy,” Vernon says.
“Why not?”
“Everything’s different now. The dynamic has changed. I don’t know how to talk to them.”
Wonwoo sighs. “They’re in a relationship; not two different people. How much can they really have changed?”
Vernon shrugs.
“I think if you hang out with them, it won’t be as different as you think. Seungkwan and Chan have never been able to stop fighting, dating won’t change that.”
“You’re right,” Vernon says. “I just have to bite the bullet.”
“That’s the spirit!”
Vernon visibly cringes. “You don’t suit being a hype man.”
“Don’t be disrespectful. I’m your number one cheerleader.”
Vernon checks his phone and notices the time.
“I should really be getting home.”
“Just stay over,” Wonwoo says. “This weather is terrible.”
“No offence dude, but your couch is the worst. I would prefer to deal with the rain than sleep on it.”
“Just sleep in my bed. It’s big enough for the both of us and I know you sleep like the dead.”
Vernon pauses. He looks outside and sees just how hard it’s raining. It’s windy too, if the angle of the rain indicates anything. Wonwoo’s bed seems a lot more enticing. “Sure. Thanks.”
“No problem.” Wonwoo turns to the TV. “Are you up for another round of Mario Cart?”
“What? So you can beat me again?”
“Exactly.”
“Sure,” Vernon says. He sits down on Wonwoo’s lumpy couch and takes the controller from his hands.
They go to bed a couple of hours later. Wonwoo’s room is cosy and the sound of the rain against the windows lulls Vernon into an easy sleep.
---
The next morning, Vernon wakes up to an empty bed, feeling incredibly well rested.
He gets up and grabs his discarded hoodie before leaving the room.
When he walks out the room, Wonwoo is there in the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” Vernon asks.
“Making breakfast. Do you want some?”
“Sure,” Vernon says, taking a seat at the table. “What are you making?”
“Ramen.”
“Sweet.”
Wonwoo brings a bowl over to Vernon and places it down in front of him. “Here you go.”
“Wasn’t this for you?”
“You can have it. I’ll make mine now.”
“Wow, thanks.” Vernon starts eating and Wonwoo joins him a couple of minutes later.
“Are you feeling better?” Wonwoo asks.
Vernon shrugs slightly. “Yeah. You’re right. I need to get over this. They’re not doing anything wrong.”
“Good. So are you going to hang out with them soon?”
“I will.”
“Good.” And Wonwoo gives him such a sweet smile that Vernon finds himself feeling proud of himself, as if his revelation and decision to not be petty is worthy of praise. It’s a weird feeling.
---
Vernon gets a text from Seungkwan and Chan a few days later asking him to come hang out at the Student Culture Centre with them.
Vernon feels like refusing but remembers his talk with Wonwoo and decides he has to do it. This really isn't that big of a deal. He texts them back to agree, and packs his stuff to go meet him. He needs to do this.
But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t drag his feet as he makes the walk over.
Vernon sits down at the table he sees them sitting at on the ground floor of the building. “Hey guys,” he says.
“Hey man,” Chan says. “Where have you been, we haven’t seen you in ages?”
“Oh,” Vernon says. He resists the urge to clear his throat. “I’ve been around.”
“Vernon,” Seungkwan says while laying his head on Vernon’s shoulder. “I missed you.” His voice sounds whiney, in that cutesy way he puts on when he wants people to feel better.
Vernon doesn’t know how to respond to that. He laughs slightly, but it turns into a cough.
“Seriously,” Chan says. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” It must’ve come out wrong because both Chan and Seungkwan end up giving him very concerned looks. Vernon feels like a spotlight is shining down on him.
“Vernon,” Seungkwan says. “You can tell us.”
“Well,” Vernon says, and he supposes he should just get it out in the open, although he had thought that it would be better to be quiet. But since he can’t keep his thoughts to himself anyway, there’s no reason to pretend. This can’t get any worse. “I just don’t really get why you didn’t tell me you were dating.”
“We did tell you!” Seungkwan says.
They really don’t get it, do they. He tries not to get angry. “Yeah,” he says. “At the same time as everyone else. I just figured that since we’re best friends you would’ve told me before everyone else. I mean, we hung out after you started dating and you didn’t tell me then. You waited until everyone was there.”
They don’t say anything, and Vernon catches them giving each other panicked looks across the table. His heart sinks. He doesn’t want to read too much into this, but it’s hard.
“We’re sorry, Vernon.” Seungkwan says. “To be honest, we weren’t planning on telling anyone for a while, but then I just blurted it out.”
“Oh,” Vernon says. He does feel like he, their best friend, one third of their trio should’ve been an exception. How long would they have kept it from him? “It just felt a bit crap, you know.”
“Yeah, we understand,” Chan says. “We never intended that. You’re still our best friend and we really do miss you a lot.”
“Definitely,” Seungkwan says.
“You know,” Vernon says. “I didn’t even know you guys liked each other. That was the most surprising thing to me. I never imagined that in a million years you guy would date.”
“Why does everyone say that!?” Seungkwan whines.
Vernon laughs at him. “Come on guys, you have to admit it. You totally have a frenemies relationship going on.”
Seungkwan turns to Chan and grabs his hand. “Not even Vernon understands,” he says. “No one believes in our relationship.” He lets out an indignant sniff.
“It’s okay, our love will just have to rise above.” Chan puts his fist up. “We will persevere my beautiful Seungkwannie, until one day the whole world will regret ever doubting us.”
“Oh Chan~” Seungkwan says, wiping his eyes. “That was so beautiful.”
Vernon fake gags but in his heart he’s smiling. They’re not too different than they were before all of this. It’s still them, just with a new thing to joke about. “Disgusting. Maybe you guys do make sense together, you’re both equally insane.”
“See,” Chan says. “We got one person on our side, 7 billion to go.”
And, yeah, Vernon thinks, he is on their side. It’s not hard to get there now that he sees how happy they are, and knows that they aren’t too different to what they were before. Maybe some things just aren’t for him to know. “Okay, okay,” Vernon says. “Why don’t you get back to studying?” He looks pointedly at the open textbook in front of Chan.
“Fine,” Chan says.
Vernon pulls out his own notebook too, and then they’re all focusing on their work. Everything feels back to normal. Vernon thinks he can live with this.
---
Vernon still tries to give Chan and Seungkwan more space than he did before. He knows the importance of private time in a relationship; his one and only failed relationship taught him that plainly.
Luckily, Wonwoo is very happy to fill the void in his free time. Vernon isn't sure when texting Wonwoo to hang out felt so easy, but it did.
Wonwoo has the added benefit of fostering a tiny kitten. It gives Vernon a very good reason to spend a lot of time at Wonwoo’s apartment. Chickpea is small and fluffy and squeaky and Vernon loves her with all his heart.
“I’m gonna steal her from you one of these days,” Vernon says when he’s cradling Chickpea in his hands.
“Would you really want to break my heart like that?” Wonwoo asks.
“I don’t care about you. I only care about my daughter.”
“Your daughter?” Wonwoo asks incredulously. “I birthed her myself. Don’t take that away from me.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but look at us.” He holds Chickpea up to his cheek. “We look identical.”
“Fine. She can be our daughter.”
Vernon’s heart skips a beat at that. “I’ll accept it.”
Now that Vernon has an official daughter, he spends a lot more time at Wonwoo’s place, even more than before. It’s the perfect vibe, cosy and comfortable and there’s a cute kitten always within reaching distance.
He doesn’t tell Chan and Seungkwan about it though, and he can’t explain why. It just feels like their thing. Him and Wonwoo alone in their own little world.
---
“I’m bored,” Vernon whines one day while at Wonwoo’s apartment. A month or so ago, the idea of being childish in front of Wonwoo would’ve been out of the question, but Wonwoo never minds and always seems to cater to Vernon’s needs. It’s reassuring.
“What do you want to do?” Wonwoo asks.
“You choose,” Vernon whines again.
“Fine. Do you want to play a video game with me?”
“Ugh,” Vernon says. He thinks he would’ve reacted that way no matter what Wonwoo said.
“Come on. We’re doing it. I’ll teach you something.”
Wonwoo switches on his PlayStation and then sits next to Vernon on the couch. “Here,” he says, passing him a controller. “We’re gonna play COD.”
“COD?”
“Call of Duty. It’ll be fun. I promise.”
Vernon waits as the console turns on and Wonwoo starts the game.
And then, for the next two hours, Wonwoo patiently guides Vernon through the beginner levels of the game, explaining all the mechanics and how to complete the missions. Vernon has never been a video game person, and he doubts that he will ever play this game without Wonwoo prompting him, but something about Wonwoo’s gentle support makes Vernon feel an strong feeling of comfort. Wonwoo is so nice. He’s so, so nice.
---
“Let’s go to a record store,” Vernon says to Wonwoo when they meet up after classes one day.
“Sure. Why?” Wonwoo asks.
“I want to buy something. I don’t know what yet, but you can help me.”
“Are you secretly a shopping addict?” Wonwoo asks.
“No,” Vernon laughs. “But I am a record addict, and I need a new one.”
“Let’s go then,” Wonwoo says.
When they get to the store, they stand on opposite sides of one of the displays and flick through the albums, showing each other interesting ones when they see them.
Vernon likes being able to do this with someone else. Seungkwan music taste is too different to his and Chan can’t pay attention for more than five minutes so he usually has to do this alone. Having Wonwoo here is really nice.
Vernon looks up to tell Wonwoo, but seeing his face concentrating on the records, his glasses slipping down his nose, the words get stuck in his throat. He looks back down.
---
One Saturday morning, Vernon gets a text from Wonwoo.
Wonwoo: I need new shirts
Wonwoo: Do you want to go with me?
Vernon: Sure
Vernon: Now?
Wonwoo: Yeah
Wonwoo: I’ll pick you up.
They head to the main street of their small college town and go into the first store they see.
“Do you have a style you want?” Vernon asks.
“You know what I like to wear. Just choose anything that you think I’d like.”
“Sweet.”
Vernon starts pulling things off the racks and piling them into his arms. He’d never gone shopping for clothes for someone other than himself before. It’s surprisingly fun, and he finds that it’s very easy to find clothes that he thinks Wonwoo will look good in.
When they’ve accumulated enough clothes, they head to the changing rooms. Wonwoo goes into one of the stalls and Vernon waits on one of the chairs outside.
He’s suddenly reminded of the silly romcoms his sister and mum would always watch. He feels like one of those boyfriends who is desperate for their girlfriend to be done with their shopping trip. But actually, Vernon is excited to see what Wonwoo’s going to come out in.
Wonwoo comes out in shirt after shirt and Vernon thinks he looks good in all of them. He feels incredibly unhelpful when all he can say is “it suits you” or “it looks good” for every single one. But it’s the truth. Wonwoo always looks good, somehow.
After declaring that Vernon has no idea what he’s talking about, Wonwoo chooses four shirts, and they head out. Vernon suggests bubble tea and Wonwoo offers to pay.
“It’s for helping me,” Wonwoo explains.
“I thought I was completely useless,” Vernon says.
“It’s the thought that counts,” Wonwoo replies, passing his card over. Verno swears he feels his heart flutter.
---
That weekend, Vernon makes the impulsive decision to invite Wonwoo to a gig with him. It’s a small, local band that Vernon really likes. He could bet on them becoming massive one day.
Usually, Vernon prefers to go to gigs by himself. He likes letting himself feel the music without any fear of judgement, but something tells him that inviting Wonwoo will be fine. Wonwoo is always so kind, and he gets excited about anything Vernon talks about. Plus, Vernon wants to share this with him.
Wonwoo is excited when Vernon texts him about it, and Vernon tells him that they’ll buy tickets there.
When Vernon meets Wonwoo outside the venue, he almost gasps at how good he looks. Vernon had gotten so used to seeing Wonwoo in his cosy outfits for wearing around his apartment or to uni that he’d forgotten how well he can clean up. It’s embarrassing, but Vernon feels proud that people are going to see them together. Wonwoo makes him look good just by association.
The show goes really well. Wonwoo seems to enjoy the band, and Vernon has a great time. They get drunk and as they leave the venue, laughing and falling into each other, Vernon feels like this is exactly where he needs to be.
---
Throughout all of this, Vernon comes to the realisation that he has feelings for Wonwoo. It isn’t a sudden realisation; it feels more like it just settles gently onto his heart. A sigh of relief saying “of course”. Because how could he not developing feelings for Wonwoo?
Vernon sits on that information. He doesn’t tell Chan or Seungkwan, even though in the past he would’ve told them almost immediately. Well, not actually that fast; he wants to seem chill, but he would have definitely taken the effort to tell them.
He thinks it’s because they didn’t tell him that they had crushes on each other. Vernon still doesn’t understand why. When he looks back on that, even though he’s mostly over it, it does still sting. He was completely blindsided.
He also doesn’t want them to push him into anything. They never had in the past, but he’s worried that they’ll be different because they’re experiencing the joy of a relationship, or whatever bullshit people who are dating say.
Vernon is fine not telling them, and nursing his crush alone, as a small flame flickering in his chest, warming him from the inside.
---
Despite this revelation, everything between Wonwoo and Vernon continues like it has been. They hang out at Wonwoo’s apartment at least half of the days in a week, play with the kitten, and sometimes they go out when uni is feeling particularly painful.
One Sunday, Wonwoo asks Vernon if he’d like to go to the arcade. Chan had texted Vernon earlier asking if he wanted to study with them, but the arcade with Wonwoo sounded like a much better proposition. So Vernon tells Chan that he has plans, and goes out with Wonwoo instead.
They take the train into the city together around midday. It’s a beautiful day, and Vernon is feeling great, even though his heart is racing a little.
When they get there, Wonwoo immediately goes over to the video game machines. Vernon knew he would. They share machines and play against each other. Even though Wonwoo wins literally every time, Vernon is still having a lot of fun.
They spend around an hour in that same section of the arcade before heading over to the counter where they can spend their tickets. While Vernon is waiting for Wonwoo to get them some drinks, he hears Chan calling for him.
“Vernon! What are you doing?”
Vernon turns around to face Chan and sees Seungkwan standing with him. “I’m hanging out with Wonwoo. Weren’t you guys going to study?”
“We were, but then we realised we both didn’t have anything to study, so we decided to come here instead. We would’ve invited you, but you said you already had plans. So, it’s a date!”
“Oh.” Vernon says. Then, Wonwoo walks over to them and hands a drink to Vernon. Vernon very suddenly comes to the realisation that what he and Wonwoo are doing, and what Chan and Seungkwan are doing, is exactly the same. And Seungkwan and Chan are on a date. His palms start to sweat a little.
“We could hang out now,” Chan says.
“Me and Wonwoo were just leaving so…” Vernon trails off. He hopes Wonwoo doesn’t say anything.
“No worries, have fun guys,” Seungkwan says.
“We will. Wonwoo, let’s go.”
They walk out of the arcade and Wonwoo asks “What was that?”
“It’s awkward,” Vernon says.
“Why?”
Vernon doesn’t know how to tell him how he doesn’t want anyone to put two and two together and see that he and Wonwoo were doing the same thing as an actual couple.
Seeing Chan and Seungkwan on an actual date, one that they have labelled as such, still makes him feel weird. It’s a combination of everything. Vernon just knew that he couldn’t be there anymore.
“It just is,” Vernon says.
“Vernon, stop,” Wonwoo says. “I’m saying this because I’m your friend and I care about you, but you have to get over this. It’s been long enough. You’re going to end up losing them both if you continue this.”
“You’re right,” Vernon says. “I know.”
Wonwoo is right. But Vernon doesn’t like to hear it.
---
Vernon takes Wonwoo’s words to heart and starts to consciously push past the boundaries in his head around Chan and Seungkwan’s relationship. So, when Chan texts him asking if he would like to celebrate Seungkwan’s last exam together, Vernon says yes, even though it does seem a bit like something a couple would do.
Besides, Seungkwan had been complaining about how unfair it was that Vernon and Chan finished so much earlier than him ever since the exam timetable had come out. Vernon was part of this.
So, Vernon and Chan go out to wait outside Seungkwan’s exam hall with a coffee and a chocolate bar. They sit and chat for a while as they wait.
Then, the people start to stream out. They see Seungkwan walking in the opposite direction to them, so Chan calls out “Seungkwan!”
Thankfully, Seungkwan hears him and turns around. Vernon holds up the iced coffee and Seungkwan immediately perks up and hurries over.
Vernon passes the drink over. Seungkwan says “bless you,” and then takes a long sip. “Thanks guys. This was really sweet of you.”
“No problem,” Chan says. “You’ve been working hard.”
“Yeah,” Vernon says. “You deserve it.”
Then, Vernon starts to feel weird. This is a very different Chan and Seungkwan from the other day. Last time he saw them, after an end of semester dance performance, they’d made out in front of their whole group of friends. It was one of the most uncomfortable things that Vernon had ever witnessed. To be fair, it was right after Chan has finished one of his performances which always leaves him on a high, but it’s still a massive difference from what Vernon’s seeing right now.
He stares at them, trying to work out if they had a fight or something.
“What?” Chan asks.
“Nothing,” Vernon replies.
“No seriously, what?” Seungkwan says.
“What happened to all that PDA from the other night? You don’t have to avoid greeting each other properly on my behalf.” He didn’t mean to be so confrontational, but he can’t help it.
“We were only doing that because you know how Joshua and Jeonghan get. We’re not gonna make out every time we see each other,” Chan says.
“Unless you wanna watch, of course.” Seungkwan winks at him
“Gross,” Vernon says. He feels better now, if not slightly embarrassed that he asked at all. “Please don’t.”
Chan turns to Seungkwan and gives him a wet kiss on the cheek. At least they weren’t making out, but it was still gross. When Chan pulls away Vernon can see a wet mark on Seungkwan’s cheek.
“Was that PG enough for you, Chwe?” Chan asks.
“Ugh. You guys are the worst.” Vernon rolls his eyes.
Chan grins at him. “Anyway, Seungkwan, where do you wanna go for dinner? We’re paying.”
“Aww. You guys are the best.”
Seungkwan chooses a restaurant nearby that sells burgers, and they head off there. Chan sits next to Vernon and Seungkwan sits across from them, and even though Vernon can tell that their feet are tangled up together beneath the table, they’re acting the same as ever.
Maybe Wonwoo was right, and he was being a bit too dramatic about this. Maybe nothing is changing.
After they’ve finished eating, Vernon and Chan split the bill and they all head home. When Vernon climbs into bed, he feels better about this whole situation than he ever has.
---
After that, Vernon really does get over himself and he starts reaching out to Chan and Seungkwan asking to hang out a lot again. They’re pretty bad at responding to him, though. They were never really like this before. Vernon tries not to let it bother him. They’re still wrapped up with each other.
It doesn’t bother him as much as it would’ve before, because he now has Wonwoo to spend time with too. He doesn’t know what he’d do without Wonwoo’s lame jokes and kind words.
When he does manage to spend time with Chan and Seungkwan, it’s really nice. He loves them and misses them, and even though things have changed, they’re still his best friends.
---
When all of the exams are over, it’s time for their friend group’s annual beach trip. Vernon had almost forgotten about it, so he’s very happy that he’d gotten over his awkwardness and weird feelings towards Chan and Seungkwan before they went.
The older friends had decided that Chan and Seungkwan couldn’t sit in a car together for the drive over, so Vernon gets to sit next to Chan for the whole car ride. It’s nice to get Chan’s attention almost entirely to himself. They haven’t done anything one on one for a while.
When they get to the beach house, it’s announced that Chan, Vernon, Seungkwan and Minghao will be sleeping in the living room, as the youngest. Chan and Seungkwan try to argue, saying that since they’re in a relationship now they should be given their own bedroom, just like Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Vernon knew that would never fly though, and they are promptly shut down.
This means that he’s sleeping on an air mattress with Minghao, and they give each other pained looks about having to share a room with one of the sappiest couples he’s ever met.
They play board games during the evening, before everyone gets ready to go to bed. Minghao and Vernon set up their mattress quickly, and get under the covers. Minghao gives Vernon strict “don’t touch me” orders, which Vernon isn’t at all worried about; he sleeps like the dead.
Later, when Vernon’s lying in bed, trying to sleep, all he can hear is a commotion from the other side of the room. Someone is constantly readjusting their sleep position and making very annoying noises on the air mattress.
Minghao must be annoyed as well because he huffs and says, “are you guys doing okay?”
“Yeah,” Chan replies. “Seungkwan has just decided to cosplay a worm tonight.”
“It’s not my fault this is the most uncomfortable bed of all time,” Seungkwan says.
Then there’s some more shuffling and Chan says, “stop moving.”
Somehow, this works, because Vernon doesn’t hear anymore movement from them for the rest of the night.
As Vernon lays there, trying to sleep, he tries not to feel jealous of Chan and Seungkwan. He remembers what it was like to share a bed with Wonwoo and to wake up next to him. He wishes that he’d been more appreciative of it when it happened.
He really is in deep.
---
In the morning, Vernon asks Wonwoo how he slept.
“Okay,” Wonwoo says. “Not as well as I’d hoped.”
Vernon wonders if he would’ve slept better if they were next to each other. Pathetic. Vernon isn’t a cuddler, anyway. How would he have affected Wonwoo’s sleep? He needs to get over himself.
They go to the beach later that day. Vernon sits next to Chan and Seungkwan on their towels, and complies when Seungkwan tells him to put on sunblock.
Wonwoo is on the other side of the group. Vernon hates how aware of him he is these days. It’s like he can’t help but orient himself to wherever Wonwoo happens to be.
Vernon plays in the water for a bit, and he doesn’t pay attention to Wonwoo at all.
Then, he comes back to the beach and sits with Seungkwan.
“So, Vernonie,” Seungkwan says. “I haven’t asked you this in a while. Anyone special in your life?”
What? Vernon wasn’t expecting that. He freezes and then says “No,” very unconvincingly.
“Oh ho,” Seungkwan says. Vernon can hear to pure joy in his voice. Seungkwan lives for things like this. “Who is it?”
“No one!” Vernon says, but Vernon betrays himself by looking over at the game of chicken currently taking place. Vernon panics as he watches the cogs in Seungkwan’s brain turning. He’s going to work it out and then Vernon will never know peace.
“You like Wonwoo!?” Seungkwan hisses.
“Shut up!” Vernon whispers back. “How did you work that out so fast?”
“Well, I was just guessing but you confirmed it. When did you start liking him?”
Vernon puts his hands over his face. There’s no getting out of this. “We’ve been hanging out a lot recently. He’s just really comfortable to be around, you know?”
“That is so sweet, Nonie. Do you want me to try and see if he likes you back? I’ll be super subtle!”
Vernon can’t think of anything worse. “Don’t do that,” Vernon says. “I don’t want you to tell him.”
“I would never! I just want you to be happy!”
“Thank you Seungkwannie, but please don’t. I can handle it.”
“If you guys start dating, we can go on double dates! That would be so cute!”
“Yeah, that would be nice,” Vernon says. It makes him feel a bit bitter, to be honest. It feels like Chan and Seungkwan are moving away from him and expect him to keep up.
“What’s wrong?” Seungkwan asks.
“Nothing.” Vernon says.
“Come on. You know I can read you like a book. What’s going on?”
“I just don’t want to have to date Wonwoo for you guys to hang out with me. I don’t mind being a third wheel, you know.” He can feel the bitterness seeping into his voice.
“What?”
He might as well be honest. “We barely ever see each other now that you and Chan are dating. I miss you, is all. I don’t want to have to date someone in order to change that.”
“We would hang out with you no matter what!” Seungkwan says. Vernon almost laughs. Is that true? “You don’t have to be in a relationship. But I’m sorry that we haven’t been hanging out with you as much. We’ve really been trying, but I’ll talk to Chan, and we’ll do better.”
“Thanks, Kwan,” Vernon says.
“And also.” Seungkwan drops his voice to a whisper. “Sorry to go off topic, but Wonwoo keeps glancing over.”
“What?” Vernon asks. He can’t help but look towards where Wonwoo is, to see if he can somehow catch him in the act.
“Why don’t we go over and join in, and you can get all wet and slick your hair back and try to seduce him.”
That sounds utterly humiliating, but what does he have to lose, other than embarrass himself? He might as well.
“And then, later, you can ask for his help with reapplying sunblock to your back. That’s very intimate.”
“You’re awful,” Vernon says. He stands up and starts walking to the water. There’s no harm in trying.
---
Chan and Seungkwan must have some sort of targeted attack, because the next day, Chan asks Vernon to go on a walk when they’re some of the only people left at the beach house.
Vernon says yes, of course, and they soon head out.
It’s quiet at first, and it feels just like old times.
“How’s everything been?” Chan asks a while in.
“It’s pretty good,” Vernon says. “Classes are getting stressful, but Jihoon helps a lot, and I’ve been hanging out with Wonwoo a lot more recently.” Why can he never stop himself from talking about Wonwoo.
“Wonwoo? That’s good, you guys have a really similar sense of humour.” Hearing that gives Vernon a bit of a rush. They do, don’t they?
“Yeah, Wonwoo’s great,” Vernon says.
“Oh,” Chan says. “I’m sensing something here. Do you like him?” Fuck.
Vernon trips with the shock. “Don’t tell anyone!” he says.
“I won’t. But that’s so sweet, you guys would be cute together.” Chan shouldn’t say stuff like that. It’s hard for his heart.
Vernon makes a sound of acknowledgment but says nothing more.
Then Chan tells him that they’re almost at the top of the hill and Vernon hurries to catch up with him.
When they reach the top and sit down, they chat for a while, until Chan starts apologising about how they haven’t spent that much time with him recently.
It’s nice to hear, and Vernon thanks him for saying it, before Chan pulls him into a hug.
Later, Vernon asks, “Is it weird? Dating someone you were friends with?”
“Are you asking for yourself?” Chan says. Vernon knows how transparent he’s being but doesn’t validate it with an answer. “It is kind of weird. I thought I knew him really well before, we are best friends after all, but now I’m discovering a new side to him. It’s really interesting,” Chan says.
“Is it different to what you expected?”
“Honestly, no. He’s exactly like how you would imagine. It’s like seeing the same Seungkwan as always, but in a different light.”
“Really?” Vernon’s eyes wander to what Wonwoo would be like if they were dating rather than just friends. Would he be doting? Or constantly texting? Or would it be pretty much the same just with the added benefit of being able to kiss him now? Vernon thinks that he would be happy with any of those.
“Yeah. Although, he is a lot clingier than I thought he would be.”
“Gross,” Vernon says
“You asked!”
“True, true.” Vernon’s jealous that Chan actually gets to know the answer to that question. He wonders if he’ll ever get to say the same.
“Good luck with Wonwoo. You should ask him out, I think. He’d probably say yes.”
Vernon laughs suddenly. He can’t think of anything more absurd than asking Wonwoo out. “What makes you say that? Because I’m 99 percent sure he doesn’t like me.” Surely Wonwoo would’ve said something by now if he liked Vernon.
“I don’t know about whether he likes you or not, but Wonwoo is the sort of person who just goes along with things. He’d probably say yes regardless of how he feels, and then you have an entire date to impress him and show him what a great boyfriend you’d be and how great you guys would be together.” Is Chan right? Wonwoo does tend to be pretty easy-going. But Vernon doesn’t want Wonwoo to say yes just because he’s going along with it. He wants Wonwoo to say yes because he actually wants to go on a date with Vernon.
“But what if I don’t impress him?” Vernon asks instead. Even if Wonwoo does just go along with it, what if it doesn’t lead to anything?
“Come on Vernon, you know Wonwoo. He’s chill. You would have to really fuck up in order for it to ruin your friendship. You’ll be a bit heartbroken, me and Seungkwan will cheer you up and then you’ll go back to normal and can get over him knowing you at least tried.”
“Stop it! Stop ruining my excuses!”
“You’re such a loser. Just ask him out. Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen?”
Vernon wants to. He wants to so badly. There’s this point that he’s reached where just being Wonwoo’s friend doesn’t feel like enough. He wants to know if Wonwoo can ever see him as something more.
---
The rest of the trip is spent happily. Vernon spends time with Chan and Seungkwan, but also a lot of time with Wonwoo. It’s nice to see Wonwoo so relaxed. It’s a way that he’s usually only like in the comfort of his apartment late at night, when everything feels a little sleepy. That’s when Vernon finds it hardest to avoid kissing him.
Two weeks after they get back from the trip, after a lot of fretting, Vernon asks Wonwoo on a date.
The fretting is particularly hard because he can’t bring it up to Wonwoo, who’s become his go-to person for all types of emotional issues lately.
Vernon usually doesn’t take let himself stress about stuff, but this is so different. He must run it over in his head hundreds of times before finally doing it. It’s through the process of thinking about this all the time that he realises just how much he likes Wonwoo. At least it solidifies in his head that he absolutely has to ask Wonwoo out.
Vernon does it in person; he knows that Wonwoo would prefer that.
They’re outside Wonwoo’s apartment, after hanging out for the last couple of hours. Vernon is about to go home.
“Hey, if I asked you out on a date, what would you say?” Vernon asks.
“That’s a funny way of asking,” Wonwoo says. He has a teasing smile on his lips.
“Well…” Vernon doesn’t know what to say now.
“I would say yes,” Wonwoo says. “If you asked me out.”
“Okay. Do you want to go on a date with me?”
“I would love to. Tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”
“Nice.”
“Nice.” The playful smile is still there on Wonwoo’s face.
“Okay, I’ll text you,” Vernon says.
“Sounds good,” Wonwoo says.
And then Vernon turns and walks away. He grins the whole way home.
---
Vernon arranges their date for that weekend. He doesn’t tell Vernon and Seungkwan; he likes having a thing that is just for himself. His friendship with Wonwoo always felt so private; cosy and comforting, and Vernon doesn’t want to lose that.
They go to a theme park. They’ve spent so much time together recently that Vernon wanted this date to actually feel like something different, something new. He thinks that this is a big enough gesture.
He picks Wonwoo up in the morning and they drive over together.
“What made you chose a theme park?” Wonwoo asks.
Vernon thinks about keeping his reasoning to himself, but sees no real reason to. “I wanted it to be special, not just like any other time we’ve hung out. I thought it would be nice to do something different.”
“That’s cute,” Wonwoo says. Vernon immediately blushes. He doesn’t think that Wonwoo has ever referred to him as cute before. He would’ve remembered if it had happened. He has to hold back a smile.
Wonwoo plugs his phone into the AUX cord, and they listen to his music as they drive in silence the rest of the way there.
Vernon is comfortable. He thinks that that is what Wonwoo is to him: comfort. And at the end of the day, isn’t that the most important thing?
They decide to start by going on the rides. Neither of them are scared of heights, so they go on all the scary ones together. After being off the ground for such a long time has started to tire them out, they go get lunch.
They sit at a grimy food court table, and eat greasy food, but Vernon hasn’t been this happy in a while. He’s finally getting somewhere with his crush. He can sense that he’s in for something really good.
After they finish eating, Wonwoo asks what they want to do now.
“I cannot get on another ride after that meal,” Vernon says.
“Me neither,” Wonwoo groans.
“We could go to the carnival section,” Vernon suggests.
“That sounds perfect,” Wonwoo says. They both stand up and start heading over.
As they’re walking, their hands keep brushing. Vernon keeps his eyes steadfastly forward and doesn’t acknowledge it. He still doesn’t know how into this whole date thing Wonwoo is, so he doesn’t want to push things.
But suddenly, Wonwoo reaches out and takes Vernon’s hand in his, linking their fingers like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
Vernon looks over at Wonwoo and smiles. His heart is full of so many feelings. He likes Wonwoo so much.
They start by playing some shooting games, and then a duck fishing game and whack-a-mole. They’re not very good at them, but it’s fun. The smile won’t leave Vernon’s face and his cheeks are starting to hurt.
“We have to do the claw machine,” Wonwoo says.
“Aren’t they a rip-off?” Vernon asks.
“Maybe, but it’s fun to try!”
They walk over to one of the claw machines that’s filled with stuffed animals. They are all very cute, Vernon has to admit.
On Wonwoo’s first attempt, he manages to pick up one of the toys, but it falls before he can drop it down the chute. On his second attempt, he misses the toy altogether. But on his third attempt, he manages to successfully pick one up and drop it down the chute.
It’s a cute stuffed cat with brown and white markings. It kind of looks like Chickpea.
Vernon is just about to ask Wonwoo what he’s going to do with it, when Wonwoo holds it out to Vernon.
“Is this for me?” Vernon asks.
“It’s so you can always remember me,” Wonwoo says.
He says it with so much sincerity, that they both cringe a little. But Vernon doesn’t mind. He thinks that he doesn’t mind sappiness if it’s coming from Wonwoo.
“I don’t need a toy to remember you with,” he says.
And then, in a sight Vernon has never seen before, Wonwoo blushes. Vernon thinks he’s gorgeous.
From then on, the ice is completely broken. Wonwoo swings their hands as they walk around, and Vernon keeps the toy tucked under his arm. When they’ve digested their food enough to return to going on rides, Wonwoo puts his arm around Vernon’s waist as they wait in line.
The date could not be going any better.
“Do you want to go on the ferris wheel before we leave?” Wonwoo asks.
“Definitely.” Vernon has been waiting all day for this. He loves being able to look over the city and take everything in.
The park has emptied out a lot by this time, so they only have to wait in line for five minutes before they get to take their seats.
Vernon places the toy between them to keep safe and they lower the bar.
As the ferris wheel lifts them higher and higher, they stay silent, just taking in the view.
“I’m really glad you asked me on this date,” Wonwoo says.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve liked you for a while, but I was worried that you were just hanging out with me because Seungkwan and Chan started dating.”
“Oh.” Vernon thinks about how to phrase this. “That was it at the start, I think. I was annoyed at them, so I wanted to spend time with other people, but then I really quickly realised how much I liked spending time with you.”
“Really?”
“Yes. It’s a bit embarrassing but your apartment became my safe place, kinda.” What Vernon means is that Wonwoo became his safe place, but now is not the time to admit that. Maybe in a couple of months. He hopes Wonwoo understands.
“I’m glad,” Wonwoo says. “I knew that you were going through a hard time so I’m happy that I could provide that for you.” And then Wonwoo reaches over and intertwines their fingers.
“You’re not going to get rid of me know. I’m going to be over all the time now.”
“I’m fine with that. And Chickpea will be too.”
They’ve reached the top of the wheel now. It’s so beautiful up here. Vernon takes a deep breath. It feels like everything is going to be okay.
“Hey, Vernon,” Wonwoo says, so Vernon turns to look over at him.
And then Wonwoo’s lips are on his and his hands are in Vernon’s hair and Vernon is falling deeper and deeper. They kiss for a long time, trying not to move too much so their seat doesn’t shake, but Vernon can barely remember where they are. All he cares about is Wonwoo.
When they separate, they say nothing for a while, just staring at each other as the wheel starts to bring them down.
“Wow,” Vernon says. “I didn’t know you were so capable of romance.”
“There’s a lot you’ve got to learn about me.”
Vernon laughs and rests his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder.
By the time they leave the park, it’s dark and starting to get very chilly.
“Do you want to come over?” Wonwoo asks
“I’d love to,” Vernon replies.
They go back to Wonwoo’s apartment, and Wonwoo makes them tea which they drink while sitting on his couch.
Vernon’s life is different know, but he thinks it’s for the better. If none of this had happened, he might have never gotten closer to Wonwoo, and now Wonwoo is someone that he can see himself having a really solid future with.
Vernon breaks the silence. “I really like you.”
“That’s good, because I really like you too,” Wonwoo said. “I’m so glad you asked me out.”
Vernon smiles at him. “I was so nervous.”
Wonwoo puts his mug down. “I’m going to kiss you know.”
And yes, Vernon is very happy with how everything has turned out.