Chapter Text
You’d think dealing with a pain that has been a monthly constant for the last three years would make it feel more dull over time. It doesn’t.
Sleep was nearly impossible for Steve as cramps continued throughout the night, the first 24 hours when it hits always tends to be the worst. Stomach tightening in the abdomen to leave feelings of immense pain felt through the body, the weird hot flashes that came with skin feeling so dry, a hunger that can’t be satiated cause any morsel of food entering the body could make the pain even worse somehow. It was hellish.
Sweltering heat in the room doesn’t help the situation, it almost felt like there was no air within this small space. You’d think maybe there would be a box fan of some sort to at least circulate the hot air to give a small breeze, but they were likely a rare item now.
Fingers pressed into Steve’s own stomach as he groaned and tried to ease the pain, thinking of how he missed the heating pad he had at home…if it was even there anymore.
A dreaded knock at the door. Didn’t we have quiet hours for sleeping? What could they want from me right now?
Unable to even get up to open the door, huddled in his own fetal position, the teen called over to respond. “It’s unlocked…” His voice sounded very sleepy, eyes showing off bags to reflect the exhaustion.
Slow creaking as someone peaked in through the door, some soft jostling sounded from something in their hand.
“You don’t got a light in here?” The voice belonged to Captain, clearly having a hard time seeing into the room, trying to use the outside light to make out shapes.
Immediately, the black haired teen sat up realizing who it was, grunting at the sudden movement. “Ah, sorry…” He quickly apologized while patting around for the lantern he was provided, flickering it on to illuminate the room. He didn’t enjoy the brightness it brought and just wanted to attempt to relax in the pitch blackness.
The brunette shut the door gently behind him, cautious of the sounds being made knowing other soldiers were asleep. The light flickered to now reveal the item in hand was a metal box with a red cross sign on it, a first-aid kit. “It’s fine. Sorry to have woken you but you made me worried as hell.” He was stepping over towards the mattress holding the teen, who was visibly confused now.
“…Worried?” Steve blinked to process that, having no clue what on earth he was referring to. “Did I say something weird?” He had his head tilted in further confusion, brows furrowing as he continued to try to think of what his superior was talking about.
Now the sergeant held a look of puzzlement, fiddling with the lock mechanism on the kit to get it open. “No…I’m talking about the blood you left. Did you get a vein during training earlier today or something? You know you’re supposed to get that treated as quickly as possible.” He finally got it open, thumb over the bandage roll ready to patch the teen up.
The younger could feel the air be practically sucked out of him as his face flushed, realizing the embarrassing task ahead of having to explain more about his situation. A pang of a cramp returning to even further the bodily reaction. “That…” His eyes darted away, feeling shame for leaving such a mess. “That wasn’t…injury blood…” Teeth gritting as he’s having to think of how not to describe this as the most gross process ever.
“Did…your nose bleed or something?? I know the air’s really dry.” The leader was clearly not taking the hint of what was happening.
He must’ve not had any sisters. Steve thought, breathing out and sitting up to better face his sergeant. “Not that either…It came from—“ He gestured to his own crotch area, feeling more flustered. “Here…”
Still not getting the hint, Captain further questioned. “Like you peed blood on my floor? You know you can just do it in the shower.” There was some weird casualness to his tone, like it hasn’t been the first time someone urinated in his room where they weren’t supposed to.
Now I know how mom and dad felt explaining this.
“N-no!” The teen raised his hands in defense and shook his hands in response. “No, no, it’s like…” He sighed out, just figuring fully ripping the metaphorical bandaid off of this predicament. “Every month or so I bleed out from there…it hurts like hell.”
His leader seethed through his teeth to show empathy for the pain. “Damn, that does sound like it hurts.” He lifted the bandage roll up. “Can’t you just patch it up?”
“Not really…I mean I guess a tampon sort of patches it in a way…but that only keeps the mess minimal, it doesn’t ease the pain.” Steve shuddered remembering that first awkward time of having to try to enter one at fourteen years old, feeling the tight pressure of something penetrating inside, it felt so weirdly invasive. “Actually it makes it feel worse.”
“You gotta use those things?” Captain questioned. “No wonder it’s an insult if it just hurts.”
“You didn’t know a lot of girls growing up, did you?” The teen gave a soft smile, finding his lack of knowledge more charmingly humorous.
The brunette grinned back, nodding. “Mostly my mom…a few of them I passed at school, never really talked with them though, always thought they were gross. Y’know, the ‘cooties’.”
This got a laugh from the teen, leaning against the wall and holding his knees to his chest to add some pressure to his pained abdomen. “That explains a lot.” A playful smirk was given.
Captain had an eye roll with that grin kept up. “Whatever.” He set the bandage roll down. “Anyways, so you don’t actually have a stab wound you’re keeping from me?”
Steve shook his head, chuckling. “Nuh uh…Sorry I left blood on your floor though…” An awkward scratch behind his own neck, still feeling some shame about it.
“You’ve seen how gross I have it in there, I don’t give a shit about my floor. I was worried about you, and if you’re just fine, that’s good with me.” The brunette was about to close the kit before Steve thought to ask.
Worried about him…?
Captain didn’t know how much that really meant. Steve did his best to conceal his blush from him.
He shook his head, remembering something more important instead. “Actually…does that kit have any sort of heating pad?” The teen knew it was a long shot, but it couldn’t hurt to ask.
Captain looked back over the box’s contents, grabbing a small square item from it. “I think this is one…You just snap it and it heats up.”
The younger felt so relieved, grabbing it from his leader’s hands and snapping it as instructed. “Oh, thank god.” He sighed out, holding it to his andomen’s pained area, smiling wide at the slightest hint of the soothing warmth against the cramps. “You’re a lifesaver…”
His leader snickered at the teen’s eagerness, grabbing a few more of the heating pads and setting it on the mattress. “You can have these, you seem like you really need em’.”
“Thank you, sir.” The teen was in bliss now from the warmth, happy to have his cramps eased even just by a small bit.
“John.” The brunette responded, soft tone to his deep voice.
That snapped Steve from his bliss for a moment. “…Huh?”
“You can call me John, you don’t have to call me sir all the time.” Captain was more firm with his words, though it was weirdly comforting. “Sounds too formal when we’re alone, but around the other guys you keep calling me Captain, alright?”
There was a flutter feeling in the teen’s heart at this, he wasn’t fully sure why though. A lot of people in the recruitment must not ever learn his actual name, how many of his men actually knew it?
Truly, it was a privilege. Steve settled on that, what he felt must’ve been honor. He’s flattered to know something his captain clearly doesn’t tell a lot of recruits.
“Understood…John.” Steve liked the way his name felt on his tongue. The black-haired male nodded in affirmation, watching as his leader stood up. When Steve considers him for a moment, looking at his face…it makes him realize that they’re not that far apart in age, really. To think that John had actually been younger then he was now when he joined, probably.
Maybe we’re actually becoming friends. I feel less alone when I’m around him.
It would be nice to have that, he thinks. A friend.
He’s made some connections during his recruitment and training, sure, but John has consistently gone out of his way to help him and do things for him.
Without being creepy in the process, which he really appreciated.
Should be the bare minimum, but alas...
“Yeah, yeah…” John stretched his body some as he got up. “I’ll let ya rest up…you’ve got simulations with Oswald tomorrow, I’ll warn you, I’m sure you could tell already but he’s kind of a hardass, it’s nothing against you he just wants to keep up that hardcore grumpy act. The guy is actually a total softie deep below, trust me, I'd know.” He was explaining this as he was walking back towards the door, having another look back before he opened it.
“It’ll be harsh, but I know you can handle it.” He held the doorknob to turn. “Goodnight to you soldier.”
More fluttering in the heart was felt at those words of encouragement and the well wishes of the night. “Goodnight to you too, John..” Steve flickered off the lantern as the door shut, laying back down with the heating pad firmly over his abdomen to keep himself at ease.
His whole body had felt so warm now, but in a much more pleasant way. Enough to have him slip into a proper sleep for the day ahead.
_____________________________________
Just like the sergeant had told him, once the recruit stepped outside, there was Oswald, second in command for right now. The blonde held a stoic stance with his arms crossed before some training areas, clearly he had been waiting. Hopefully not long…
It seems this training would be like the last one, just one on one, no other soldier was around, likely on recons for today.
Steve approached him, realizing this is the first real meeting they’ve had alone. He didn’t seem to know the commander as well as he had some of the other soldiers, other than he was quiet and didn’t seem to smile. He also realized the height difference between them, the commander clearly had a few inches on him, having to look up at him to meet his gray eyes.
“I’ll explain as we go along so we don’t waste time.” Oswald spoke firmly, his voice sounded so tense it almost seemed like he was over performing the anger in his voice. He was quick to walk over to one of the areas, expecting the younger to follow him.
The teen did follow after, looking down to see…nothing actually. He raised a brow in confusion, looking to the commander for an answer.
“Captain told you it would be a simulation right? Basically, we will put you through some situations you’ll run into on the field so you’re better ready for it and teach you how to defend yourself. Got it?” The commander informed, moving his arms to the side.
“It’ll be intense, but it’s necessary.”
Intense? Now there was a look of fear on the recruit’s face. “Uh…understood.” A clear worry in his voice.
“You’ll do fine.” Oswald stepped closer to the recruit. “First simulation.” He moved his hand quickly, getting his forearm over the teen’s throat and pressing down, making the younger squirm beneath in panic, breath hitching.
“The enemy will never give you a chance to fight back if they lock you in. Either they’ll place a knife to your throat to slit it or a gun to your temple to blow your brains out. You have to act fast to defend yourself. Act on impulse and play dirty, do whatever you can to get out of this.” There was some sickening calm to his voice as he instructed, freaking the recruit out more.
The only thing on Steve’s mind was panic, barely processing what his commander was instructing as he felt his oxygen being held back, his air intake wasn’t fully cut off but it was clearly being hindered into a struggle. Even deeper panic once he felt his hair being tugged back in a forceful yank, seething through his teeth in pain.
“They’re going to play all the tricks in the book, they are ruthless against you, the only objective they have in their mind is your death. You have to act.” Oswald instructed again, tone getting firmer as he pressed his arm tighter. “If this were real, they would’ve shot you by now.”
Primal instinct was starting to kick in finally, not even recognizing the person doing this to him was a fellow soldier. The recruit moved his feet some, noticing he wasn’t even touching the ground as the commander held him from the ground, doing his best to kick back on the legs of the other, as his own arms attempted to pry the arm that was strangling him, just barely moving it due to the sheer strength difference.
“You have to use whatever you can, this is always going to be a matter of life or death.” Oswald continued in that firm calm voice, pressing the forearm right against the base of the recruit’s throat.
The teen gasped out for some air to be brought into his body, vision getting blurry as he finally came up with a plan. Attempting to move his head forward, he opened his mouth and bit down harshly onto the arm that was holding him by the neck, sinking teeth down into the flesh as hard as he could, aiming to break skin.
This seems to finally work as he hears a grunt just above him as he's dropped to the ground, some dust flying up as he hits the rubble below him. Steve was coughing hard and gagging as he sucked back in the air desperately, gaining back his vision once he’s properly breathing again. He feels a hand harshly grip his right leg, making the panic come right back.
“They’ll be distracted by that for only a few seconds at most, you need to use those to get away, or else—“ Oswald began to yank the recruit by his leg. “You will need to fight your way back out.”
No time to think, the teen continues to act on impulse, kicking towards the face of his commander with his other leg, landing a hit from his combat boot onto the cheek of the blonde, causing him to pull back his arm and let go of his leg. The teen got to his knees to sort of crawl away before getting onto his feet to run.
Oswald was still that horrifying calm, just wiping his face and standing up, watching the recruit run.
Steve was almost back towards the base before remembering this was just a simulation, and not in fact him being chased. He looked back, seeing the blonde back to his crossed arm stance. Eyes wide, touching his own neck and feeling the light sting of the strangulation.
This guy does not hold back…
Oswald finally motioned for the recruit to come back over.
Steve walked back, rubbing on the bruising left on his neck. He looked to his commander with some fear still left in his eyes. “Did I do…good?” His voice was hoarse again, multiple coughs as he spoke.
The blonde nodded affirmatively. “You did fine, you just need to be quicker. A real enemy wouldn’t have held back on snapping your neck unless they wanted to hold you for a hostage situation or bring you back for torture.” He had a light sniffle, having Steve finally noticed there was some blood wiped across below his nose, clearly something got hit when his boot connected with his face.
“Oh shit, did I do that?!” There was concern in the black-haired male’s voice, worrying he would get in trouble for hurting his superior.
“Hm..? Oh, you mean this?” Oswald pointed to his own bloody nose. “Well, you did, but that’s fine. Believe me, I’ve been through much worse.” He was already making his way to another area. “C’mon. We need to keep going.”
This guy has a soft spot?! A slight breath sounded through Steve’s nose, having to brace himself for whatever was next.
Oswald stood in front of a rectangular metal container, it looked quite rusted. “This will be the second one. You need to be ready for all sorts of torture and attacks from the enemy. That includes this type.” He motioned for the recruit to have a closer look. “You’ll need to know how to get out of it.”
The recruit looked below into the container, it seemed to have been filled up with water, right to the top, it looked pretty clear except for some dirt specks along the top.
He didn’t have a moment to think about what this simulation could be, before he was very forcefully given the answer. A firm hand met the back of his hand, fingers entangling in the black choppy hair, shoving his face forward into the water. Steve waved his hands wildly to attempt to struggle against his commander, who now was directly behind him. The rims of the container pressed harsh against his chest, leaving an indent on the skin, his head shoved all the way into the water, up to the base of his neck, moisture splashed onto the top of his clothes.
There was no time before he was forced into the water, no time to cup a breath into puffed cheeks or even close his eyes. It was so dark in the container, only some sun shined through and reflected through the water. Burning inside of his lungs began as he impulsively let out a scream into the water, feeling his chest start to fill up, hands still wildly flailing and attempting to hit at his commander. His nose flared as he tried to eject out some water in his body, vision getting blurry again as the oxygen to his brain was dropping.
Oswald held the recruit’s head as firm as he could, making sure to be counting in his head to not actually drown the kid, keeping quiet this time as he knew he wouldn’t be able to hear him through the water.
Getting some control of his legs, he attempted to sort of push back against the commander with his thighs, finally getting a grasp onto the other’s arms and digging his nails in, dragging them along to scratch and get a better hold.
Steve began to grip with his other arm once finding the hand that was holding his head in place, attempting to lift it and jerk it back, resolving to scratch on it again. He must’ve hit some sort of nerve because the hand eased enough for him to pull his head forward and have the hand pull back away, taking some strands of hair in the grip with it.
A long drawn out gasp before a cough fit was heard as he raised his head back up, shuffling his knees to sort of get away to let himself regain back his strength. He was shaking as he was coughing out more strings of water, gagging for air now, a large puddle beneath him as his hair and face was dripping to the dirt below.
“Good enough, you really need to work on your grip.” The stomp of boots went along with Oswald’s voice as he stepped over to the teen, a looming tall shadow casted over him now. “You need to learn to grab on and twist, you’ll need to break their bones to get out of their holds.” That same horrid calm stoicness in his voice.
“Th-That’s the—“ A cough sounded from the teen below him. “Last one…right..?” He stared up at the commander with pleading eyes now.
The blonde paused, meeting that begging look with harsh eyes. “…If that’s all you can handle today, it’s the last one. We will continue another time…you’ll need your armor and suit for the next ones anyway.”
Guess that’s his way of being nice. I just hope he’s not too disappointed.
The commander lended out a hand to help the recruit up, once their palms met he pulled back to better lift him to his feet. “You did better than I thought you would.” His voice softened just a tad bit. “John said you would do good though, guess he was right.”
Steve, sort of leaning against the nearby wall for support, still shaken up, was delighted to hear those words of praise. “Thank you, sir.”
Oswald nodded in affirmation. “Go ahead and go to the showers early today…you’ve got dust all over you.”
How the hell was this guy possibly a softie deep down. “Yes, sir.” The teen responded.
_________________________________________
Resolving that he wasn’t able to get his more private shower time that he had gotten used to, seeing as John wasn’t around to be seen and it felt quite rude to just barge into his room without asking first, it seems the only option was the shared showers.
Steve remembered…vaguely where they were, walking towards the commons sort of area, trying to ignore how grimey he felt. He passed by a pinboard with scattered papers on it, something catching his eyes.
7/3/20XX was the numbers on a paper left towards the corner, indicating the date. He blinked to process that moment, stopping in his tracks.
I’m…eighteen now.
He looked to the ground now, slowly processing what that meant. Recalling some of the plans that were discussed with his parents a few weeks before this all happened, they were saving some cake ingredients that were taken from rations to celebrate him. They also discussed him working on better ‘providing for the family’ and looking into factory work, and maybe even moving out if necessary. How they thought he could live on his own with absolutely nothing in the dreaded time was beyond him.
Another thought had occurred to him to inform the higher ups of when his birthday actually was, so they could know his age now. He doubted they would do anything special other than saying anything, though he hadn’t had any sort of special celebration since age twelve. His mother always said he was getting too old for parties at the time.
The griminess of his body was creeping back up, jolting him uncomfortably and getting him back to the task at hand. His eyes wandered around for any sort of signage indicating the locker rooms, finally spotting a sign with a fading drawing of a shower faucet running. He began to head that way now.
Everyone else was off doing their own thing, so it was thankfully empty, eerily quiet without any of the faucets spraying out water or sounds of men chatting during their washes.
Better to be safe in case anyone comes in though. He grabbed three towels and headed towards the changing room, slipping off the two shirts he was wearing, hair still damp from that forceful training. Unbuttoning the camo shorts and taking those off as well, his socks and shoes going off with it. He realizes he should have thought to bring a spare change of clothes. I’ll just…run fast with the towel on to my room at the end. Steve thought to himself, though quite unsure of that plan.
The recruit held the towel around his body, closing it in his hands to hide it as he stepped back out, double checking if anyone had come in. He walked towards the showers, looking around and once again, seeing no one, feeling relieved at that.
Ever so cautious though, he stuck to the corner again, using his same sort of towel shield he used last time, though this time he put an extra towel above it to tie to the faucets to shield his whole body except his feet.
Turning the knob upwards to the red coloring around it to release the hot water, it starts flowing out of the faucet, steam coming up once it hits the floor. Steve moves under the water flow, smiling as he feels it hit his back. It had felt so sore from those horrid mattresses, this hot water had felt like a small massage for it.
Slow breathing out of relief as the dust began to puddle below him from his body, getting the itchy feeling away from his nerves and replacing it with a nice, clean feeling. He leaned his head back to get his hair under it, getting that more dirty water out of it. The black-haired male grabbed onto the soap bar left at the side, rubbing it in circles along his chest to create lathering bubbles, making sure to get under his armpits and breasts where he was gathering lots of crusted sweat.
His hand paused while going over his cleavage, thinking for a moment.
I really hope he didn’t see these.
Only now does it dawn on him that the water getting on his shirt during the roleplay of waterboard torture, could have gotten his shirt more tight around his own body, revealing more of his figure.
Analyzing Oswald’s actions in his head now, he didn’t seem to have noticed or given any hint that he had, at least not outright. Surely he would’ve said something…
A loom of dread hung over Steve now, hugging his own body for some comfort as he whined at the thoughts of overthinking clouded in his mind.
He would’ve said something.
What if he’s telling others?
What if they kick me out? Where the hell am I gonna go?!
He leaned himself against the shower walls, turning off the faucet as he was getting even more overwhelmed, the hot water was starting to make his head spin.
He quickly draped the towels over his body, one fully wrapped around his torso and crotch, one draped over his shoulders and the other one his head. He didn’t even think to grab his dirty clothes as he stumbled out from the locker room area, just getting to his room as quickly as he could, keeping his head down. He closed his quarter’s door behind him, locking it. He sat himself on his bed at the corner of it and huddled his knees towards his face, the thoughts still hounding his mind.
Steve laid back fully against the bed now and just stared at the ceiling, not even noticing he was starting to tear up, his vision getting hazy from the water build up in his sight.
What am I gonna do…
At some point in his dread, he seemed to have fallen asleep from some exhaustion felt from the hot water dizziness and the training taking quite a toll on him.
__________________
“Stop moving so much…you’re making this more difficult than it needs to be.” A feminine voice scorns, a meek whine of a voice responding.
Hair braiding was meant to be some sort of bond between parent and child, but this didn’t seem to be the case. Tight feeling bands clasped around black hair that was looped together to create a clean looking braid, having a few stray hairs, it felt quite painful near the neck area.
“Are we almost done…?” Her daughter asked, still slow to waking up fully for the morning.
“Don’t be so impatient.” The mother scorned again, finishing tying a bow towards the end to make it look much more ’prettier’. “There. Now hurry up and finish the rest of your routine, you are going to be late.” The woman hurriedly walked out from the washroom, presumably to finish off her own morning routine.
The young girl sighed out, relieved to be alone. She tilted up her round glasses to better look at herself in the mirror, frowning at how her hair looked pulled back with little bangs left over her forehead. “I look even dorkier than usual…” She muttered to herself, starting to wet a toothbrush and getting some toothpaste over the bristles.
She wasn’t looking forward to the trek to school, dreading the fact that she would be having to walk alone. Her father wasn’t available to help walk her there today, and her mother refused to let her stay home to ‘ruin her attendance’. There’s no sense in even going into classes during this time of war, sure it was a year into it but it was still insanely dangerous.
She spat into the sink after some time of brushing against her teeth. “Blegh…” She never did like the taste of harsh mint, the rations never seemed to have any nice fruity flavors for toothpaste though.
Wiping her mouth with her arm, she headed out from the washroom to go grab her backpack to take along with her. “I’m going now…” She spoke out as she was getting her mary janes on, grabbing her dust mask as well.
“Come home safe later.” Her mother responded from the kitchen, a sound of a faucet running as she said that.
The girl turned the knob of the front door, slinging the bag over her shoulders and beginning to tie the dust mask over her nose and mouth, sighing out behind it.
She closed it behind her and then started on her walk towards the school grounds, it seemed very quiet, the air was cool and still, not much wind to go through it. The Utah sun was beating down still, putting heat into the air.
These shoes always hurt against the gravely dirt below her, getting some dust on her socks and shoes, it never felt even against the surface.
Her ears perked up at the sound of some gunfire, instinctively ducking with her hands over her head before she realized it was much further away, looking in the direction of the sound. She saw some figures of men across from each other, some wearing military attire and the others wearing sports equipment, she noticed with some of the firing sounds, men fell after them, indicating they got hit. She started to pick up the pace to head towards the school now, not wanting to be apart of that crossfire if it were going to get closer.
In her quicker pace, one of the larger rocks on the ground had caught the tip of her feet, an alarmed squeal sounded from her as she fell down, grunting as she hit the ground.
The girl whimpered as the dust blew into the air around her, making her cough some, opening her eyes cautiously as she realized that in the fall, her glasses were knocked off, and now…they looked a little bent and cracked.
“Oh no…” She whined out, picking them up and trying to dust them off some, trying her best to put them back on her face, having to finagle with them for a moment before they could sit on her face, now at a weird angle and struggling to stay on. “Maybe some tape could fix it…I wonder if they have any at school…” She muttered to herself, getting up to her feet and dusting herself off, groaning as she felt the light sting of her scraped knees.
She had been so focused on herself, she hadn’t noticed the combat getting closer, gasping as she was grabbed and pulled back by an unknown hand, getting shoved behind a duo of men, looking up to see their backs. One of them was looking back to her, telling her to cover her ears.
She complied, figuring it’s best to listen to these guys, they didn’t seem like they would want to hurt her. She held her hands over her ears, facing her head down. Her small hands definitely weren’t enough to muffle the sounds of guns popping right in front of her, another set of hands coming to shield her ears, she looked up to see it was a third soldier, kneeling beside her behind the other two.
There were a few more pops before the third man pulled away his hands. “That’s the last one I think…”
One of two men infront of her looked back to see her. “Are you alright, kiddo?” His tone was gentle, like a teacher addressing a student.
The girl didn’t even have time to fully process all of what happened, eyes up towards the three men around her, then leading down to see the fallen enemy's corpses lying on the ground a few feet away from them, some puddles and splashes of red around them.
“I..I’m fine…” She stared back up at them, sort of shivering as the fear was hitting more in her nervous system now. “I’m sorry for being in the way…”
The second soldier waved his hand to ease her. “No no…You weren’t in the way, kid, if anything those assholes were.” He reached a hand out to her. “Where are you headed anyways..?”
The girl had to adjust her vision for a moment, still getting used to the cracked glasses, she pointed towards the northern direction. “The school grounds…a few blocks from here.”
The third soldier spoke up. “We’ll lead you there, no civilian should be out here left alone and unarmed.”
The girl wasn’t about to reject that, nodding to their offer. “Thank you, sirs…”
The second soldier took hold of her hand and started to lead her off towards the school ground, the other two soldiers following behind.
There was a weird feeling in the girl’s chest…it felt like safety.
__________________________
A knock interrupted that dream of a memory, sounding soft but firm.
“Gather in the commons in about 5 minutes for communal eating.” A deep toned voice that wasn’t familiar to Steve sounded, some footsteps sounding as whoever it was walked away from his door.
Slow to blink awake, groaning as he realized he had quite the headache from the midday nap, collaborating with the pain of his cramps in his abdomen to force him more awake. The recruit patted around for the heating pads he was given, cracking it to start the heat and placing it over his abdomen to ease the cramp just a bit.
He was still left in the towels he fell asleep in, but dry now from the showers, he tossed them off as he stood to his feet, yawning. He began to head towards the closet now, hands running through the tank tops before grabbing one and a pair of camo pants.
Realizing the two shirts might not cut it if he has to be close to other soldiers, he grabs the roll of bandages from the first aid kit. A light whine sounded as he braced to feel the tightness again, holding his breasts close to tuck them in as he wrapped the bandages around his chest.
Slipping over the tank top over his torso and then his camo pants, leaning down to slip on his combat boots and tie the laces in messy knots. He sighed out as he rubbed his eyes, still feeling tired and aching in his head.
The door clicked as he turned the knob, opening it to see other soldiers headed towards the end of the hallway, figuring it’s best to follow them.
The recruit was trying to recall being told that they had to meet all together during certain times. Maybe it’s for morale or something? Buddying up?
He tried thinking of who he was close with, who he could sit with and hide behind so as to not try and force himself to do some sort of awkward introduction to others.
John is probably the sort of popular one around here, he’s gonna get swarmed and be busy so he isn’t an option.
Tim…no.
Oswald…didn’t seem to be a good option, especially due to the overanalyzing in his head still stuck there, plus he is really scary.
Ted seemed to be 50/50, he was nice when he seemed to be more normal…but unless he had some cigarettes, he was gonna be a fidgety mess to sit around.
Steve was grumbling to himself lost in thought, finding himself at the end of the hall now and hearing a large crowd of chatter. Maybe I can just…go in to be acknowledged and leave quickly…it’s like roll call right?
Peeking out from the hallway into the common’s area like a shy child, eyes widening at the sight of all those men, all very toned and built like bodybuilders. That sick feeling in his stomach was starting to stir again, the smell of these guys was overwhelming, clearly still sweaty from all the missions done in the earlier part of the day. The musky scent and chatter of deep male tones laughing was too big of a reminder of what had brought him here in the first place, his mind was sending him into a nervous panic spiral.
“Hey—“ A hand landed on Steve’s shoulder to grab his attention, causing him to let out a high pitched squeak, jumping away from whoever was behind him.
“H-hah…I didn’t…” A familiar nervous voice sounded from behind, paired with the scent of tobacco. “I didn’t mean to scare you…” It sounded softer than usual.
The recruit turned around to meet the eyes of the Sniper, who was sheepishly scratching on some bandages on his arms in shame.
“It’s…” Steve breathed out in some relief that it wasn’t some stranger about to assault him. “It’s fine…I shouldn’t be so jumpy…” He nervously chuckled it off. “Was I in your way? Sorry about that…”
Ted shook his head, lending the recruit a soft smile. “No, no…you looked lost.” He continued the scratches on his arm bandages, mouth creasing with a slight tic. “I know it’s a lot of people here…” Clearly, he held a similar anxiety about larger crowds, even considering he’s been here much longer and had more of a chance to get to know everyone here.
The recruit looked over the gathered soldiers, all seemingly in their own groups and chatting amongst themselves. “There sure is…” His voice wavered upon seeing it all again.
Ted took a hold of Steve’s wrist, his palms feeling insanely sweaty. “I’ll take you over to the other 3…It’ll be easier if it’s people you know, right?”
A look of surprise casted over the recruit’s eyes, staring down at the hand holding his wrist. “Ah– sure…” His voice sounded much less confident, but figured this was his only option, feeling very off put by the sudden grab of his wrist, flashing a reminder of how his assault grabbed it a few days previously.
The sniper led him along to a corner within the commons area, at the end of the benched table were 3 other familiar faces. The recruits' eyes perked up in the feeling of some safety seeing John’s face again, though that feeling was sort of squashed as he saw Oswald and Tim sitting across from him, still dreading them in different ways. He didn’t mean to hold eye contact with the blonde, seeming to keep up that stern intimidating look.
“There’s my favorite little one that keeps getting away.” Tim flashed that creepy grin, hands folded beneath his chin as he did a catty little purr.
The cringe Steve felt in that moment couldn’t be held back, visually twitching his eye as he stood nearby, trying to keep up a polite smile so as to not piss off the other guys.
John however, did something kind of surprising and shot Tim a glare, a quiet hint to ‘quit it’, then switching his mood completely when facing the recruit, patting the seat next to him. “I saved a seat for you, newbie.” His tone was as warm as ever, his smile shown to be much more comforting.
Ted went on the other side beside Oswald to sit, with Steve now sitting beside John, successfully completing the little group they had formed. The sniper was already digging through a packet of his cigarettes, twitching some as it seemed he hadn't gotten his hourly fix. Shaky hands clasping one stick in between his pointer and middle finger as he messed with his lighter, after a few clicks successfully getting it lit and sucking in the smoke. His body finally seemed to ease once the smoke entered his lungs, breathily pushing some out with a harsh cough.
Steve’s nose crinkled some at the smoke being blown nearby, he never got used to secondhand smoke, even when his mother would do it often. He held his breath some as to not cough, noticing the other three weren’t seeming phased at all, with them all being smokers anyway.
“Must you do this right at the table? It’s rude.” The blonde spoke up, though his face read as unbothered.
The sniper coughed, sucking in more smoke.“You guys don’t ever have a problem with it–”
“We have a person new here, one that you don’t know if they have a problem with smoke near them or not.” Oswald snapped back, leaving Ted looking slightly shameful.
Another surprise…
“I-It’s fine! I don’t mind, really.” The recruit sheepishly waved his own hands in defense, very surprised that Oswald would even come to his defense, feeling even more relieved. I guess he didn’t see. “Ted, it’s fine…If I need to, I’ll hold my nose.” Nervous laughter sounded as he said that.
The sniper shifted uncomfortably, clearly overloaded with differing options being heard all at once, his mind trying to catch up. “Uhh…”
A puck shaped container slid across the table to land in front of him, the words ‘Chewing tobacco’ read under the logo on the top. “Let’s make a compromise and use this for now, alright?” Those words and the container came from John’s direction.
Ted shook his head downwards in a sort of ‘bow’. “Th-Thank you…” He creepily choked out, opening it quickly and grabbing one to stuff into the side of his cheek, extinguishing the lit cigarette against the table.
“You’re just sticking up for the small guy cause you had to be so mean to him earlier today.” Tim flirtily interjected, leaned against Oswald’s shoulder. “And I know personally just how mean he can get.” A suggestive tone to his voice. “Just like he was to me last ni–” As usual, Oswald’s hand met over Tim’s mouth to shut him up.
The blonde let out a scowl. “I just think politeness is important, that’s all.”
The recruit was sort of analyzing Oswald still, noticing there was still some dried blood around his nose that he had caused on him earlier, a twinge of guilt building in his mind. “It’s all fine…really…” He sounded sort of spaced out, not realizing this was rather overwhelming.
The way these guys got along just felt so weirdly natural. It felt like they were making jabs at each other 24/7 but still having each other’s backs. Even when growing up as a girl, he didn’t necessarily make friends with any of the girls in his life and certainly not the boys, preferring to watch them instead and sticking to himself. There’s a light sorrow in thinking about that.
Maybe if I was born a boy, I could’ve gotten along with everyone better…They seem to be so much better at it.
There is that feeling of envy again. The jealousy felt upon thinking if things had been different, it would’ve fixed things. Why didn’t he deserve to have properly grown up as what he was? What did he do that was so wrong to be undeserving of that? It isn’t fair at all.
There was a hand waved in front of his vision to draw him back into reality.
“Heyyy…earth to newbie…” John pestered, shaking his hand in front of Steve’s face to get his attention. “You sure do space out a lot, do it too much and we’ll have to start calling you ‘cadet’ instead.” He chuckled, a rather rough pat against the recruit’s back to emphasize the friendliness.
“I-I apologize…just a lot on my mind–”
“You say sorry all the time too!” Tim piled on, smirking. “It’s such a bottom sort of move, I bet he totally is.” That dreamy sort of look in his eyes. “I’d love to find out.”
Those words made Steve feel even grosser, gripping the fabric on his pants to suppress his anger. “That’s…” He couldn’t even control the words coming from his mouth. “That’s big coming from you…considering what I overheard passing near your room.” He was surprised at his own sort of sass, face flushing once he realized what he said. “I-I mean–”
All of the four others had shocked expressions, Tim looking the most flustered and surprised.
John was the first to sound off with laughter, it was very warm and deep, with light snorts heard throughout it. Ted followed after with some snickers to the side, hiding his face in his arms. Oswald had a light smile broken from his stuck frown, a chortle heard through his nose in a breath.
Tim however, flashed a second of a showing of scorn at being mocked, before coming back to that flowery bubbliness he kept up. “Mmm…I had no idea you had this sass in you, newbie.” A dreamy sigh sounded from his lips. “Every new thing I learn of you makes me want even more.”
“Oh, please.” John sounded off, trying to recover from the laugh fit he was having. “Of course even a newbie insults you. Your fruity ass is practically begging for it.” He grasped an arm around Steve to tug him to his side.
“Even this little guy could bully you easily. Just look at the injury he left Ozzy with.” He chuckled, gesturing to Oswald’s nose.
Steve spaced out again while being grasped, feeling how rugged and warm John’s arm felt, close to his skin and shuddering his neck. Even through his uniform he could tell just how well toned and strong he is.
The conversation tuned out as his heart was starting to have that fluttering feeling again, very unsure why he didn’t react as badly when being grabbed by him, he actually felt much more…safe…and happy.
The arm hairs he had brushing against his neck started to give him goosebumps, he unconsciously scooted closer to John’s side. Heart beating much faster once he realizes his hair is also being ruffled by his other hand, obviously for John himself it was much more of a playful, boyish gesture, but for Steve it felt much more intimate, having his face turn bright pink from the touches.
He was recalling that book now. What did it say again..? Right…Homosexuality… Or would it be considered Heterosexuality? His brows were furrowed in thought, completely disconnected from reality. Maybe he would consider it Hetero…I doubt he really sees me as a full guy… There was shame building up in his chest again. Anything he says it’s for a little show just cause he needs bodies to fight maybe. This self-doubt was stacking on top of the shame.
“Jeez, you’re spacing out again?” John was shaking the Recruit by his shoulder as he kept that arm around him, jolting him back to reality. “You really need to learn how to relax.”
“Y’know, maybe I could really help.” Tim grins as he is already starting on setting up a flirt, clearly. “My hands can work magic on you.” He fluttered his fingers towards Steve’s direction, a suggestive tone that made the other guys groan in frustration at his antics.
“No, thank you…” The recruit was blinking back into reality, trying to keep down the bile in his mouth brought on by that suggestion, a disgusted shudder felt in his body.
“Can’t say I didn’t offer help.” Tim shrugs, leaning against Oswald beside him, resolved to the rejection for once.
“That’s not helping, perv.” Oswald scoffed, though still planted a comforting hand on Tim’s side to pull him closer. “That’s an excuse to get the poor guy assaulted.”
That word caused Steve to frown, shifting uncomfortably as he looked away. His aura was clearly discomforted, doing his best to sort of shrink away. Mind flashbacks back to that night were aching his psyche, making him plant an irritated hand to his temples to try and ease it. “Could we talk about anything else, please?” His tone was surprisingly firm.
The sniper was spitting into a styrofoam cup to his side as he finished his chewed wad of tobacco, seeming relaxed again from his fix. “Yeah uh…” He looked to the ceiling as he pondered a topic. “Any of you guy’s find any good stuff on your lootings?” It seemed like the safest option.
John spoke up now, fiddling with his pockets at his pants. “As a matter of fact…” He pulled out his prize, it looked like a plain wooden flat oval before he flicked his thumb over to reveal a blade as it unsheathed and jutted out from his concealing. “A nice little multitool, some poor sucker just left it in his coat.” He was sort of looking over the tool with some light sense of sorrow. “Dude had a shit ton of bullet holes in him too.”
Oswald was looking more curious, clearly much more interested in the weapon. “Looks hardly used too.”
The recruit eyed them all with an expression of confusion. “You guys just…take things off of corpses…?” He was starting to feel like he didn’t know these guys at all.
“Well, when you word it like that.” Ted was quick on popping another packet of tobacco into his cheek, his speech slightly muffled by it. “It’s not all bad…think about it, they would probably want the living to use their resources that they just can’t use anymore.” He leaned forward as he started to fidget with his spit cup. “It’s not like we are defiling them.”
“Speak for yourself.” Tim smuggly muttered, being met with a smack over his head from Oswald. “Ow!”
“Quit being gross and insensitive to the dead.” The blonde spoke in a firm tone, like a disgruntled parent trying to shape up their misbehaving child.
I wonder if mom and dad had anything on them when they died.
A curious thought entered Steve’s mind, his hands on the table to lean himself forward so he could be heard better. “When do I get to go on these sort of things?”
“Your eagerness is appreciated, but you don’t even have a suit yet.” Captain affirmed to answer his question.
“I want a suit then!” The recruit was eager to start contributing better.
Oswald thought back to the process. “We could schedule a fitting…how busy is our seamster—“
“I’ll do it.” John spoke out to interrupt him, folding his arms now in a commanding sort of stance. All three of the other guys gave him sort of a confused look, raising their eyebrows.
“That’s not fair!” Tim whined out. “I didn’t know we could call dibs on that!”
“Yeah, you can’t. I’m the leader, I get to call the shots.” John spat back, clear in holding his stance.
Ted was looking over at him, creasing his lips as he was thinking out his words. “It’s a little weird to immediately take on that though.”
Captain rolled his eyes. “It’s not weird. It’s efficient. You guys are acting like it’s some big thing, it’s just measuring tape.”
“Measuring tape on a usually nude body.” Oswald added, clearly suspicious as well.
“You can do it over clothes just fine. It needs to be bulky anyway.” John was clearly getting frustrated, face slightly red at the accusation. “Look, I’m gonna do it and that’s final.”
The other three across the table now were curious to see Steve’s reaction to all this. Eyes darting over to him now.
The Recruit was looking down to hide his embarrassment at being argued over, as well as the thought that had entered his mind hearing ‘nude body’. He breathed in, figuring had to respond. “That would be fine.”
“Christ, thank you.” John threw his hands up into the air as he grunted. “See? He doesn’t think it’s weird.”
Tim clasped his hands together, cooing in mockery. “Or maybe…He’s got a crush on you and wants that private time with youuuu.” He stuck his tongue out to further insult.
“Shut up!” Steve spat out, angry tone to his voice that he had finally found.
The dirty blonde grinned wickedly. “Ahah! He totally does!” He pointed an accusing finger towards the black-haired male, who was now blushing with embarrassment. “He got so defensive, did you see? He totally wants him—“ His bullying was cut off by the recruit taking matters into his own hands, grasping the spit cup from Ted’s hands and chucking it directly at his face, causing it to spill against Tim’s face and muddy it with the chewed spit and worms.
The youngest was huffing as he sat back down after his retaliation. “I told you to shut up!” He crossed his arms, his cheeks puffed in a rage.
John was absolutely losing it at this, about to fall out of his seat from how hard he was laughing and snorting, holding his stomach as he was feeling it ache from laughter.
Ted was in a similar state, arm over his head as he laid it against the table and slammed his fist against the table in laughter.
Even Oswald wasn’t going to Tim’s aide, rather keeping his disapproving aura. “That’s what you get for teasing. You know better.”
The dirty blonde was wiping at his face, cheeks flushed as he made disgusted gasps at the feeling of the sticky spit up. He shot Steve a death glare, holding it much longer this time as he wiped his face. Once his hand wiped his face clean, he turned back into his aloof self. “Heheh…” His laughter seemed rather cold. He gritted his teeth as he regained his composure.
“Jokes on you, I’ve always wanted someone to spit on me and you made that happen in a way.” He was clearly trying to keep up his jokes. “So, thank you.” His tone had a sinister undercurrent to it.
This struck some fear into the Recruit, very quickly regretting what he did. He knew that tone immediately, recognizing it when his mother was hiding more aggressive intentions behind kind words when they were in front of his father. He knew some sort of revenge would follow this at some point, it was good to stay very cautious now.
“Of course, you’d want that…” Was all he could think to respond wiht some sort of sass, though he clearly wasn’t all that confident.
John was ruffling on the recruit’s hair again, messing up the choppy hair even further as he snickered. “You’re learning a lot better, kid.” He flashed a proud smile to him.
This atleast comforted Steve for now, trying to soothe himself knowing he could make his leader proud, even if it was just a bit.
The conversations continued throughout the night, the bonding starting to pull all five of them together, with some clear dynamics being laid out.
I could get used to these community get togethers…
___________________
Flickering on the lantern to give some light for his reading now, wanting to look further into the book for some answers. Steve began to flip through the pages again, crossing his legs in his lap to get more comfortable and pulling the thin sheet over his bottom half.
‘…Sex is the intimacy between two or more people, typically with the end goal of creating a child through contraception. It is done in various ways, the most common is referred to as ‘Missionary’ in which the vagina is penetrated by the penis over and over to reach a ‘climax’, releasing sperm into the receiver, potentially to create a child…’
Child making huh…Is that the whole point..?
Steve was recalling all the times his mother was berating him, using phrases like “I carried you for 9 months and you act like this? How ungrateful!” and “I brought you into this world, I will take you right out!” in her bouts of anger. The only conclusion coming from that is that child bearing must be so awful.
Why would anyone even do it then? To continue the human race? It’s a biological need, right?
‘…With the topic of sexual incounters comes a prevaying issue, that being sexual assault.’
His eyes glossed over that word for a moment before he frantically flipped to the next page. He didn’t want to face that just yet.
‘…Sometimes, sex can be done between various partners all at once, or even solo. The solo version is often referred to as ‘Masturbation’, in which a person stimulates their sexual parts to achieve self relief and climax, sometimes using pornographic material to use as further stimulation, or even their own fantasies…’
Fantasies…
The recruit recalls earlier to the weird excitement he had felt on the topic of getting fitted for his suit, the mentioning of a ‘nude body’, presumably his in this case, alone with John where they were closed off from the others.
That wouldn’t happen…He said he wanted to do it with clothes on.
He remembered the fact that he had been seen exposed once, that time in the shower where his sort of ‘secret’ got revealed. He was trying to recall his face now at that moment, in John’s eyes there was a sort of curiosity quickly switched with anger at the assumed betrayal until it could be explained. Maybe he was remembering wrong but he swore John’s eyes were still surveying him as he talked, taking it in and trying to assess how he felt about it.
It would be nice maybe…if he thought I looked cute…
He shook his head to get rid of that thought, now looking towards his own crotch, wondering what it meant by ‘stimulate’.
He hadn’t ever been very curious about his anatomy, his parents never wanted to approach that topic and the school’s didn’t want to either. No sexual education in his arsenal to help find any answers other than this torn book.
‘…Those with penises tend to stimulate themselves with hand stroking along the length, this can be referred to as ‘Pumping’ by some, Those with vaginas, however, take a different approach. It is a less simplistic routine as typically many parts must be felt at once, such as the Clitoris and Breasts…’
He groans in frustration, laying his head against the wall. “Of course it’s way easier for them.” He muttered to himself. Men seem to have all the damn luck with this stuff.
His mind was wandering now. Did the other soldiers here masterbate? How often was it? Who does it the most? A lot of questions filling his head until a rather sneaky one pops up to harass his senses.
I wonder what John looks like when he does it.
“No!” He yelled out to himself, trying to act as disgusted as possible for himself to get that thought out of his mind. Don’t ruin the little friendship you guys have by getting feelings. He breathed out, still unable to get that thought from his mind.
His hand was subconsciously sneaking under the sheet to brush between his own legs, surprisingly himself as he gasped soft.
There was a weird sensation being felt in his groin area, a hot, sticky sort of feeling as he laid himself back, not wanting to look at his own crotch as he sort of let his subconscious now take the lead.
The closest to any pornographic material he had was the faded out illustrations of anatomical sexual parts with lines pointing out the name of each segment of it, tossing the book to the side now to not even mess with it, closing his eyes instead.
Fantasies.
He moved his thighs around to better spread apart, it almost felt like steam was releasing from in between his legs. He lifted up his camo shorts and brought them down to his knees, soft grunts as he struggled with his clothes.
He was trying to feel along his area, expecting to feel fully stimulated just from little touches. He was certainly feeling how warm it was down there, as well as…hairy. Like really hairy.
The illustrations didn’t have any hair on them. Was it normal to have that much hair? Or did the book just find someone who didn’t have hair there? Was it normal for that to happen?
“Bluh…” He felt along the sweat trapped in that tangle of hair, wondering if it’s supposed to feel this wet normally.
Then he did it, he accidently brushed his finger over his clitorus, causing a slight jump to his body as he felt like electricity shot through his whole being for a split second as that happened. That must be what they mean by stimulation.
Now his mind was going to a more strange place, sort of recalling that awful night where he was taken in by those thugs and used but he felt much…different this time about it. He was trying to recall the actions and wonder how maybe…maybe how it would’ve felt if they were done much nicer by someone he trusted.
If it’s just a fantasy, it’s not bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fabric tape was being fiddled with in strong muscular hands, trying to get it untangled. Soft curses spoken under his breath as it was starting to frustrate John.
Steve was just standing expectantly, not of much use getting that tape measure to be unrolled, his clothes were still on, as promised. He was staring over at John, just waiting patiently.
“Finally.” John huffed in his triumph, pulling the tape out straight to go over the figure. “C’mere and stand straight.” He motioned him to walk over.
The younger one obliged, soft steps over to fully stand in front of him. Hands at his sides, in the usual soldier standing, keeping silent as the tape drew across his shoulders at first, clasping around as John quietly spoke some numbers to himself.
There was an odd unspoken intimacy then, just with how close they were currently as he was being measured, John’s chest right against Steve’s back, he could feel their bones through the skin touching with how close they were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How the hell is this supposed to work…” Steve’s thoughts were interrupted by him trying to get that electric feeling again, feeling like it got lost in the bush of hair. He sits up, having to face the reality that he was gonna have to look at his crotch sometime.
His hands feel along his slit again, that jealousy building up. Those damn guys are so lucky, they just need to stroke themselves to get off and I can’t even find where I’m supposed to touch.
Remembering the line in the book about how else to stimulate, he lifts his shirt up some to better expose his breasts, feeling along the mound of flesh that sat on top of his chest, his pointer finger grazing on the nipple and he felt…nothing…
The hell, wasn’t this meant to feel good? This is getting ridiculous.
He grabbed at his pillow and frustatedly smacked at his own crotch with it, surprised when the seam rubbed up against his slit to create that electric feeling again, he gasped out, looking over the pillow now and connecting the dots in his head now.
He flopped the pillow to its side so it was standing up, positioning his legs so it was closed around it, seething as he felt the seam slightly rubbing again, electricity shooting into his lower abdomen.
This can work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I don’t think I’m getting the right numbers…” John was fumbling with the tape again, a light flush over his face. “I know I said you could keep your clothes on, but…” His voice was sort of trailing off at the awkwardness of it all.
“You need clothes off..?” Steve questioned, seeming oddly ok with it, almost like it was expected.
John sighed out, nodding. “Just want to make sure it fits you right…” He paused as he had his eyebrows knotted together, trying to think about another option.
“It’s fine, sir…You’ve already seen it before…” The younger started at the hem of his own shirt, lifting it up as he pulled it over his head, holding the shirt in his hands now. His breasts were now exposed, having John’s face flush even more.
“Sure, but that was more like a snapshot.” John was pulling the tape back over Steve’s collarbone now, getting behind him so he could measure properly.
It was a silky fabric feeling with the tape over his skin, and a much more intimate feeling with John towering over the recruit, only crouching down just a tad to get a better vision of the numbers, jotting them down to a sticky note in his other hand. The air was feeling very tense, a sort of unspoken truth that neither were saying, but desperately wanted to.
“I think I have to…get under your uh..” John was sort of gesturing over Steve’s breasts. “I’ll need to touch them…I’ll be quick.” A clear embarrassment in his voice from feeling like he was pushing boundaries.
“It’s okay, sir…I trust you…” There was a light smile heard in Steve’s words, conveying how safe he was feeling with him. He raised his shoulders up some more to allow better access.
A soft gasp escapes the recruit as the large hands of his leader cupped the mounds on his chest, he was able to feel all the skin indents of his various scars, how harsh his hardened skin felt, and yet it was so warm and nice feeling. That same silky feeling was felt under his boobs, soft murmurs of numbers being read in a low tone behind him, the slight noise of pen against paper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The seam of the pillow was creating such friction against the Recruit’s clit, causing more juices to secrete onto the fabric. There was an explosive sort of feeling in his abdomen, it felt like severe fluttering that was uncontrollable. Soft groans escaped his lips as tried to experiment with rolling his hips, seeing how that would help the stimulation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There’s something so magical about a first and sudden kiss, the younger not even realizing what was happening as his leader decided he had enough of the tension and wanted to close the gap between, holding onto his chin and having him face his gaze, he knelt down some to meet his height as he locked in his lips.
It felt very fast yet so slow at the same time, like time was almost stopping in that moment between them. Steve could still feel his chest being felt up, now with less cautious touches replaced with gentle prods at his nipples with John’s thumbs, pressing and feeling the soft skin.
They both held their eyes closed in intimacy, having their lips stay locked in passion with some slight moving of them to stir up more feelings, John tilting his head to the side to better link against the other’s lips.
The leader had pulled away from his soldier, half lidded gaze to see his reaction. “Sorry…” He apologized in a near whisper against the younger’s lips.
“Don’t apologize…I enjoyed it.” Steve spoke in a hushed whisper as well, leaning in towards John’s hold. He could clearly hear his leader’s heart beat in his chest, a weird quick pace.
~~~~~~~~~~~
He was starting to run into a block in his thoughts as he realized his knowledge was less than what he really needed to keep going. He leans over to grab the book, flipping through again for maybe any sort of answer.
“…Sometimes referred to as ‘Mutual Masturbation’, two or more people could be stimulating each other's sexual areas, typically with hands or in some special cases even feet, this can also be used along with ‘Fingering’ or ‘Fisting’ or ‘Handjobs’…”
Thinking back to that night for a form of reference, he did recall those sports equipment clad men feeling along his crotch creepily, while leading his hands to their own crotches, forcing his hands to grip on their members as he was ordered to ‘Stroke them off.’
He might be more gentle…I hope…
“…Oral focused sexual encounters can be done in various ways, the two most common being ‘Fellatio’ and ‘Cunnilingus’, ‘Fellatio’ also often referred to as ‘Blow jobs’ is the action in which one person takes in another’s penis into their mouth, either sucking or licking along it to stimulate their partner to climax. Simalarly, ‘Cunnilingus’ also often referred to as ‘Eating out’ is the action in which one person stimulates the other’s vagina with their mouth, using licking, suction and sometimes even biting or chewing…”
Another recall meets his mind. Those thugs were forcing their lengths against Steve’s face, some even smacking them mockingly against his tear stained cheeks, holding their cocks to prod at his lips and demanding entrance. The taste felt like it was going to linger on his mouth for months on end in the worst way, feeling the back of his throat be brutally hit at again and again as his hair was tugged forward.
Surely…He wouldn’t be as rough…
He set the book down again as he started up his grinding again, gasping some as he was feeling somehow even more excited.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coarse hands felt along Steve’s still bruised thighs, thumbs pressed in the soft skin as John was looking over the sight before him. The recruit imagined he was much more experienced, trusting being in his hands. His hot breath just hovering above the slit, a smooth feeling tongue gently going along the line, making the recruit shudder at the feeling, letting out a quiet moan.
“Don’t worry…I’ll go easy on you…” John spoke breathily just at the slit, his lips being felt as the were moving right at the puffiness protecting Steve’s fleshy inner walls.
“Thank you…sir…” The recruit was already quite overstimulated, being properly cared for in John’s presence. His legs twitched some as he felt that same smooth tongue along his charm point, a flicking of his tongue to tease it even more, causing it to throb some in response.
Soft moans and licking sounds were filling the room they were alone in, the younger was arching his back as a bodily response to the tingling stimulation.
John’s tongue felt so warm and filling inside of him, his eyes closed as he was fully concentrated on the task of pleasing the other to completion. His tongue switching inbetween licking procedures to keep it unexpected, furthering the intimacy. He was deeply enjoying the sweet, musky, sweaty taste, letting the juices fall along his jawline.
“John…” Steve’s voice was very breathy, eyes in pure bliss as they were half lidded from the pure amazing feeling he was being treated with. He was feeling that build up in his abdomen, that electric sort of stimulation done at his sexual areas pleasing him in a way he had never experienced. “I…I think—“
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His pillow got absolutely coated in his first cause of release, semi translucent liquids staining the fabric with a moist feeling now. He rested his body for a moment, hand on his chest as he was feeling his quick beating heart, rubbing it in circles to slow it to a normal rate now.
He sighed out, running through that fantasy in his head, feeling a weird shame for having such big feelings about his friend, who likely didn’t return those feelings, at least…not romantically…surely.
“I need to forget about it…It’s for the better..” He mumbled to himself, pulling his shorts backup and his shirt back down, a weird feeling now having him second guessing what he just did. Surely, I’m not even supposed to like that stuff because I was assaulted…right…?
Right?