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Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me? (You Should Be)

Summary:

Erik and Charles clash yet again, this time over Erik's newest addition to the Brotherhood. Erik doesn't see why Charles thinks he gets a say in this.

Charles tries not to remember the years of abuse that his step brother put him through. But it's a little hard when he is downstairs right now.

Notes:

TW TW TW

this fic has a gory scene at the end with suicide themes. Do not read this if you are not in a place to read that. There is implied child abuse but never super graphic. Again, the end scene is GRAPHIC do NOT read if you can't put yourself in that position right now.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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“Charles.” 

“Erik.” 

The pause allowed the silence of the moment to weigh heavily on both of them. 

“You don’t have to do this, Erik, there is another way.” 

Erik clenched his jaw in a way that told Charles they were about to go around again in this argument that he could say from memory by now. Both are far too stubborn for their own good. 

“I wish that were true, Charles.” 

“But it is.” 

“Maybe for the life you have lived.” 

That was a lower blow than usual. But Erik was more hurt than usual. Charles shook his head, looking away. 

“Erik, please, don’t do this. You cannot control him. Juggernaut is a loose cannon; you don’t know the power he can weld. 

Erik was going to do this. If he couldn’t interrupt the cycle as it was, more people would die. More people wouldn’t be going home. More people would be getting the call that their loved one was some innocent bystander who had fallen victim to their tempers. More people would have a reason to fear mutants. To call for their deaths. 

“I must, Charles.” 

“Even if that is true, please, I am begging you to come talk with me in full before you make a decision with so many implications.” Charles said. “No good is going to come from this. You may well not live through this one. There is an unprecedented amount of instability and danger.”

“Charles, please, I think I can handle myself.” 

“And what about those who cannot?” Charles asked, brows raised. “What about those who- who are just walking down the street, who won’t be able to go home to their loved ones tonight because you have decided things have gone too far do they get a say in this.” 

“And what, Charles, of the mutants that will be killed, the land covered in their innocent blood, because I stood idly by and let history do its favorite thing and repeat itself.” 

“We do not have to trade one category of innocents for others Erik, we are perpetuating those beliefs that send us closer to that fate by choosing violence and chaotic means. I understand your anger, I feel it just as much as you do. I would argue I know it better because I see this same hurt day in and day out among our students.” 

“Then why do nothing?” 

Charles paused, eyes narrowed. Normally he tried to rise above these arguments but for some reason that cut to deep. He wheeled his chair forward just a bit, almost rolling onto Erik’s toes.

“When I clean these children's wounds, do you know who’s actions their parents cited before putting them there?” Charles asked. “When I return terrified children to bed, what battle do you think they are remembering so vividly they are fleeing the mansion in fear? When one of them comes to me and tells me their friend has gone as far as to end their own life, do you think it is because of the actions of humans alone? Or do you think this cycle you have created has caused a perpetual yearning for blood between the mutants and the humans that will never end if we cannot see beyond it. Erik I promise you I want this just as much, there is another way.” 

“I am sorry Charles, but only the most privileged of people can see it that way. Your childhood in this manner was one of tranquility and love and peace that I never once felt. Your arm does not have a mark of your past. You never went to bed hungry and afraid. You never shook in fear when footsteps You never lost your mother to the violence of another's hands.” 

Erik could not be blamed for not knowing, Charles knew that. What happened under this roof not so many years ago was a secret he kept close to his chest, but that did not quell Charles’s reaction. Before he could remember to freeze time, to take deep breaths that forced him to see things from a rational perspective, he failed to bite back the venom rising in his throat. 

“I am terribly sorry Erik I did not realize you got a front-row seat to my childhood. I must have been to busy being pampered by my ever-loving parents. I mean- that’s why they are here, isn’t it? My cushy, easy childhood you so often fault me for, that completely invalidates my opinion from any that you would respect.” 

Erik looked at him with something indescribable brewing in his eyes, but Charles didn’t care. His words shoot to kill when he’s mad. And he had been riled up beyond belief by what Erik surely thought was an innocuous statement.

“I mean- I can’t even imagine what it would be like, to lose a mother at your age Erik. That must have been so hard. It is just… an incomprehensible grief to me. How could I possibly understand that Erik? I have never been beaten before did you know that? Fuck- I actually haven’t had a bruise before did you know that? I suppose that makes sense because dammit no one could survive anything really hard and still try to be something more than who hurt them, could they?”

He didn’t stay to see if Erik had a response to any of those questions. 

Charles sprinted to the closet, running faster than he could ever remember moving in his life. He slammed the armoire door closed and covered his mouth with both of his hands. Footsteps approached behind him and he did his best not to scream, shivering behind the coats. He reached up, his small hand feeling for the old familiar scratchyness of his father's long winter coat. He found it near the back and knotted his hand in the material, trying to take from it the peace that it always brought him when his father had worn it. 

But his father wasn't here now and hadn't been for many years. The footsteps thundered up the old creeky stairs, and he whimpered into his hand as he tried to still his breathing so he wouldn't make too much noise. 

the worst part of it all was feeling the thoughts coursing through Cains's mind. So many horrible possibilities, each worse than the next. Each equally likely to be subjected to. Images flashed before his eyes as Cain imagined what he would do. Would he be subjected to the drowning episodes in the same bath his mother had died in like Cain was so fond of doing? Was he going to be locked out in the New York winter for the night again? 

Would Cain think of something new?

Charles didn't have a chance to think before the armoire doors were thrown open, and he had to think quickly to let go of the coat before Cain would realize it was important to him. 

Nothing Charles loved seemed to survive this house.

“I shouldn’t have said those things.” 

Charles slammed the door behind him, not looking Erik in the eye. He was worried what would come out of his mouth. 

Regretfully Erik could manipulate metal, including locks. He was in the room and standing again in Charles’s space, his gray eyes commanding attention. 

“I don’t wish to see you Erik,” Charles said through gritted teeth.

“That’s unfortunate.” 

Erik forced his way past Charles, sitting on the edge of Charles’s unmade bed. Charles was admittedly going to deny that this action was the insisting event that caused his stomach to do a cart wheel, and decided to ruminate on less savory memories with the man as a precaution. 

“It was an unfair assumption, I am sorry,” Erik said. His posture was tense, ridged even. He looked beyond uncomfortable to be in this situation. Still, sitting there with the poise of a cat in a bathtub, he met Charles’s eyes and Charles could see sincerity behind them.

“I was not exactly fair either,” Charles admitted. “I am sorry as well.” 

“May I ask what it is about Juggernaut that makes you so weary of me teaming up with him?” Erik asked. 

Charles felt like he had been sucker punched in the abdomen, and he pulled his wheelchair up to face Erik and put the breaks on so he could manipulate his legs into a crossed position in the chair. While he couldn’t feel it he swore it was more comfortable. 

“Me and him go… very far back.” Charles said. “He is a sadistic manipulative and exceptionally dull person. His intelligence has somehow gone just far enough to maximize his ability to hurt as many people as possible the worst he possibly can and never beyond that. He doesn’t talk much, so it is hard to gage when he is plotting something. He seems almost endearing when you first meet him. I am sure he pitched you some spiel about how he lost someone close to him and he needs desperately to avenge her.” 

“He… did.” Erik said. “Said that mutants killed his step mother, that she was like a mom to him and he couldn’t live without her.” 

Charles set his teeth, closing his eyes for a moment before replying so that he was measured enough to not give away how much that had knocked the wind out of him. But his best attempts to do so and actually doing it were far from the same thing, and he could feel Eriks eyes scrutinizing him before he even looked up.

“Charles,” Erik leaned forward and braced his elbows so he could duck down and look directly into his eyes. “How do you know him?” 

The world seemed to stop moving and Charles tried to swallow as best he could. His mouth was dry and he felt a lump swelling in his throat. His eyes may have been filled with tears but the panic had made his face numb. Erik knew him too damn well, because in a moment Erik had tugged off his helmet, covering one of Charles’s hands with his own. Charles bit the inside of his lip, blinking to give himself something to do. Erik raised his eyebrows ever so slightly and Charles realized he couldn’t run away from this conversation.

“We go way back.” Charles started. Finding Erik’s gaze to intense, he pulled his hand away and wheeled over to the window, turning his gaze over the frozen lawn down below them. “His father Kurt married my mother shortly after my fathers lab accident.” 

Without the helmet, Charles could feel Erik’s emotions rolling over him. Mainly shock, some confusion, and a sinking dread that made Charles sick to his stomach. Desperate to get enough of an explanation out to be left alone, Charles turned to look at Erik. 

“He was a cruel man and he raised a cruel son. His given name is Cain. He will hurt whoever he can, however he can, if he thinks it will get him what he wants. Do what you will, but keep your wits about you, because he is stronger than you and he is capable of evil in a way that you are not. You think he wants to help your cause, but he only knows that you care enough to turn a blind eye to violence because you care so deeply for those you are trying to protect. His agenda is pain and he will not change.” 

“Charles.” Erik stood, walking over to Charles and holding himself rigidly, looking with a unreadable expression. If Charles couldn’t feel the horror rolling off of him, he would think Erik wasn’t listening because he seemed so lost in thought. “What did he do to you.” 

“It would be easier to ask what he didn’t do.”

Charles grimaced as Erik whipped around, seeing Raven standing in the doorway, her yellow eyes holding a hollow haunted look. Turning to his sister and forcing a pleasant expression, Charles watched her gaze hold the same harrowed look. 

“Raven, eavesdropping are we?” 

“Don’t play coy Charles.” Raven said. “If Erik wants to bring Cain into this he deserves to know the man he is joining league with.” 

“I feel I do.” Erik looked between the siblings, who held a long and pained knowing gaze. “What are you keeping from me.” 

“Cruel is a tame word for growing up around that beast.” Raven said after a bit of deliberation it seemed. “He  has a sadistic creativity to him. Have you noticed in this manor a few things have been removed?” 

“Raven.” Charles said in a warning tone. “Lets not drudge up the past when it doesn’t bear repeating.” 

“I would argue that this isn’t in the past.” Raven said. 

“I would have to disagree.” 

“Then care to expand on why you still haven’t replaced the door stops in our home?” Raven asked, head cocked to the side. “Is it a aesthetic choice.” 

“On the list of priorities I have, door stops has not even made the triple digits yet.” Charles replied cooly. 

“So his actions have nothing to do with that? Is that also why our baths won’t run.” 

“Raven I believe that is enough-” 

“No, no I don’t think it is enough, I think that you’re avoiding this and people are going to die-” 

“Raven I said enough.”

Erik was impressed that Raven didn’t flinch at the venom in Charles’s tone, because Erik most definitely would have had it been directed his way. She narrowed her eyes, and while worrying her bottom lip between her teeth closed the space between her and her brother. She was able to tower over him due to the chair, but Charles had a uniquely magnetic and terrifying eyre of power when he wanted to, and for some reason in this moment he did want to.

“You’re bad at running from things Charles.” Raven said finally, her tone cool. “You won’t be able to escape him.” 

“We’ll chalk it up to the wheelchair, hm?” Charles bit back. 

With that, Charles rolled out of the room, operating his chair with a surprising amount of attitude. His sass was no secret, but the way he was able to maneuver it into his non-existent stride should be studied. Raven stood frozen as she scowled at the doorway where her brother had once been, and before she followed him out her eyes landed on Erik, piercing in nature and deeply unsettling. 

“You cannot allow that man near my brother.” She said. Her voice had a quality he only heard in battle, when she spoke to an adversary as Mystique. This was not the Raven he knew.

“Why?” Erik asked. The simple question seemed to cause her breath to catch a little in her throat, and she looked to the side. 

“He… he took many of my memories, I don’t know the worst of any of it.” She said, her tone chilled and low. “But it was bad enough that Charles felt that he needed to do that. What I do remember… it isn’t my story to tell.” 

“Raven, why are you both being so cagey about this?” Erik asked. “I of course would not join ranks with someone who had so hurt Charles, but I don’t have enough understanding to act on it.” 

“You’re going to need to talk to my brother,” She said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”

Before he could press further, she turned on her heel and was gone.

“Helpful.” 

Erik had decided to give Charles some time to cool off. Very big of him, he thought. Which was why when he stood in the kitchen brewing his coffee he had his helmet on, to avoid unwanted interference. The once feared helmet had become unfortunately for him a bit of a symbol of mild conflict or annoyance between him and Charles and not the incredibly fearful symbol of power it once had been. So when Hank, standing next to him to ensure there was nothing slipped into the coffee, doubled over clutching his head and yelping in distress, Erik didn’t panic as much as you might expect. 

Also because it was Hank but that is neither here nor there. 

“Are you alright?” Erik asked, seemingly unaffected by the dramatics happening to his right. 

Hank didn’t get up, just waved his hands somewhat frantically. Erik peered over at him,eyebrows raised. He looked behind him at the sound of something clattering to the floor and found Raven as well had fallen to the ground. This was a bit more concerning he must admit. 

“Raven?” He asked in a semi-urgent tone. Raven looked up, brow furrowed and hands still clutching the side of her head as she whimpered. Erik walked over briskly to her, kneeling down on the ground. “What is it?” 

She panted, looking up at him with a mix of pain and fear in her eyes as she whimpered her answer. 

“Charles.”  

That was all Erik needed. He stood, pivoting on his heel and marching out of the room. Reaching with his powers, he felt the metal buckle on Charles’s belt and immediately increased his pace. He made it to the old ballroom no one used anymore in record time. Throwing the doors open by the metal handles, he paused to see a scene that was both more terrifying and more bizarre than he had imagined. 

Charles sat in his chair, hands at his side, a quiet look of fury on his face in a way that made Erik’s stomach turn. His hands were on the arms of his chair, his face still but etched with something sharp, and his hair was swept away from his face to show the look in his eyes that would haunt Erik for a lifetime. 

Charles was not the only one in the room. 

Juggernaut stood at the other end of the room. He was heaving for air, hands planted on each side of his head. He was doubled over and it was bizarre to look at such a massive man be so withdrawn due to their pain. His helmet was still in place though, which made Erik suspicious of what exactly was causing uch a reaction in the man. Before he had time to dwell on it, Charles’s voice echoed in his head. 

Darling it is not a particularly well made instrument. Step aside please, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.  

Erik was used to Charles’s voice in his head, but this was… different. It echoed down to his bones. His teeth ached as the words bounced around his head and he couldn’t help but shiver at the suggestion of Charles being capable beyond the limitations of their helmets. His eyes flickered to Cain for a brief moment, the writhing man twisting away from a pain that wasn’t actually there. Erik looked back to Charles and saw in his face something fearful. Not joy, but a violent sort of peace. He was sure the expression wasn’t obscure to anyone who spent significant time around himself, but he couldn’t seem to reckon with it on Charles.

“Cain, take off your helmet.” 

Speaking aloud now, Charles’s voice seemed to boom off the old hall and Erik was unsure if it was because of the odd tone of his voice or if there was more at play with his powers amplifying it across the antique glossed wood paneling. Juggernaut did as instructed, removing the massive item. Underneath, somewhat surprisingly, he was just a man. A large, burly man with protruding veins and an odd brow bone, but a man nonetheless. 

The moment he did so, Erik heard an audible sigh of relief from Juggernaut- or ‘Cain’ apparently. His body seemed to sage with relief so Erik took it that he had relieved some kind of intense pain by doing as Charles had asked. The relief must have been short lived though because Charles wheeled his way over to the massive man, and Erik stood in the doorway with baited breath, waiting to see what was going to happen. 

“You are going to answer my questions with honesty.” Charles commanded. Cain gave a curt nod, showing the top of his spikey head. 

“Yes.” 

Erik perked his ears and listened to the conversation but was also alert to the fact that Raven has approached his right shoulder. He didn’t take his eyes off of Charles, but did turn his head to her a bit. 

“Raven.” He said by way of greeting.

Alarmingly, instead of engaging with her normal banter or demeanor with him, she reached out and clutched his arm, fingertips digging into his skin almost painfully. He didn’t do anything else to acknowledge her presence, but he did sigh heavily as the weight of what was happening settled on him. Charles’s odd echo-y voice seemed to snap him out of his trance however, because after a few moments, he realized that Charles was speaking. 

“What are your intentions with joining forces with Magneto?” Charles asked in the same commanding tone. 

“Target the school,” Cain said. 

“Why the school?” Charles asked. 

“Hurt you more than killing,” Cain grunted his reply. 

Raven tightened her grip. 

Charles’s face hardened. 

“If I let you go, are you going to try to hurt the children again?” Charles asked. 

“Probably,” Cain spoke with a robotic curt voice, with no inflection in his tone. Raven’s hand on his arm was starting to get painful and Erik set his jaw. Charles rolled forward with his face still scarily still. 

“Why are you saying ‘probably’?”

“Because I don’t know what I will do. I haven’t thought about it.”

“What do you want to do?” Charles asked. 

“Hurt.” 

“Hurt who?” 

“I don’t know.” There was a long pause, and Erik swore he felt the air grow heavier before Cain spoke again. “You.” 

“If I let you go with a warning, how long will it take before you come back and do something like this again?” Charles asked. 

“Long enough you forget, as soon as I can,” Cain replied, his gaze unwavering. 

“I’ve never seen Charles like this before.” Raven’s whisper caught Erik off guard, and he briefly glanced in her direction. “It’s scaring me.”  

“He’s taking care of the kids.” Was Erik’s curt reply. 

It was terrifying, the way Charles’s eyes darkened and his gaze fixated on Cain and Cain alone. It made Erik almost scared of what would happen next, what Charles would do next. But it also didn’t bother him enough to actually try to intervene, because he could see even in this odd, altered way, this was still his Charles. 

“Right. That is what I thought.” Charles said. “Is there really no way for me to make you better?” 

“No.” Cain said. “I don’t want to be better.” 

“As I suspected. Well, in that case; Erik, Raven, I think it is time you two leave us.” 

“No.” Was all Raven said. Charles didn’t move a muscle as his mind took over Raven’s and she turned around and left the room without a second thought. 

“I worry less about your sensibilities Erik.” Charles said, again not even turning around to look. “Cain, do you have anything else you want to say or do?” 

“I want to hurt you.” Was all Cain said. “I hate you.” 

“The feeling is mutual, be assured. Your nerves will send you signals for pain. Do not feel the pain. Cain, go ahead and take your right hand up to your neck for me please.” 

Cain did as he was told, and Erik’s eyes flicked rapidly between the two of them. He felt as if his heart was in his throat, and he tried to swallow around the feeling but his mouth was to dry to allow that. 

“Take your jugular out for me then please.” Charles said. 

“Charles…” 

Erik didn’t speak in time to stop anything, and to his horror he watched the blond man in front of him dig his hand viciously into his own neck, tearing and pawing through the blood and the tendons until something gave a audible and guttural rip noise and a much deeper, darker blood started to pour from the man's neck. Charles sat in his chair, not reacting as the blood began to pool around them. It spurted out with each beat of Cain's heart, leaving arterial spray on the polished dance floor. Cain didn’t stop ripping at his neck until he slowly kneeled, before coming down to the fetal position, his arms wrapped around his head, and the blood continued to pour out of  him until finally his body stopped twitching and a few odd wet guttural noises were ripped from the man.

And then it was silent. 

Erik stood, watching Charles watch the body, before he dared to take a step closer. When he did Charles flinched in his chair, scooting away from him. Erik held up his hands, wanting to look as non threatening as possible. 

“I wish he had given me a different answer.” Charles said, looking over at the body. “Because I don’t have it in me to regret what I did but I hated every moment of it.” 

“Let’s go get you cleaned up bubbele, we will talk later.” Erik said calmly, taking another step forward, slower this time. 

Charles didn’t flinch now, but he did look petrified. Before Erik could come any closer, Charles wheeled himself to just the outside of Cains bloodied pool, looking at it with eyes wide. He turned to Erik and gave him a look filled with so much devastation it took all in him to not scoop up the man right in that moment and hold him tightly. 

“Do you know any prayers for the dead?” Charles asked. 

The question was so out of the blue Erik had to process it for a moment, blinking his eyes rapidly. 

“I… I do. Would you like me to say one for him?” Erik asked. 

“Yes.” Charles said. 

“Does he deserve it?” Erik asked. Charles took a deep breath. 

“Does anyone not?” Charles asked. 

“Yes.” 

“No.” 

“Alright then.” Erik walked up by Charles. “Would you like to hear it in English or Hebrew?” 

“English please, I want to know what you’re saying,” Charles said. Erik nodded. 

“This is the El Malei Rachamim ,” Erik said.

 He hadn’t prayed it since the holocaust, and it scared him ever so slightly, but looking at the fear on Charles’s face, he knew it was worth it to push through. After a moment to translate in his head, he spoke. His voice shook at first, but he quickly cleared his throat and started again.

“God, full of compassion, who dwells on high, grant perfect rest on the wings of Your Divine Presence… May the soul of Cain be bound up in the bond of life. The Lord is their inheritance. May they rest in peace, and let us say, Amen." 

“Amen.” Charles echoed. He wasn’t religious. He didn’t entertain it even in passing most of the time. It made Erik feel… queer… to see him pray.

“Come on Charles, we will get someone to clean this up.” Erik said. “...feels like a job for Hank.” 

“Erik?” Charles asked as Erik pushed his chair out of the room, ignoring the slowly diminishing tracks of blood that were left in their wake. 

“Yes meine tayere?” Erik asked. 

“Do you think I am a bad person?” Charles asked. Erik shook his head, even knowing Charles wouldn’t see it. 

“I think you’re strong enough to know he would never stop, and you’re brave enough to put him out of his own misery as well as others. He would have killed again. You did what you had to do.” Erik said. “You’re not bad Charles. You’re smart.” 

“I hate that I did that.” Charles said. “I hate acting like that.” 

“Has that happened before?” Erik asked. Charles tensed. “You don’t have to-” 

“Once. With my stepfather. Even Raven doesn’t know.” Charles said. He was blinking back tears, and Erik stooped down to kiss his forehead. 

“A story for another day zise we need to get you cleaned up first. Would you like to get in the bath?” 

“Yes please,” Charles said. After a moment he blinked. “My head hurts.” 

“I would imagine. You’re a much stronger mutant than I was first led to believe.”

“Not strong enough to fix him.” Charles hissed. Erik paused at that, and not knowing what to say, just kept pushing the wheelchair. 

“Maybe not.” Erik said. “Maybe that’s okay.” 

“Maybe.”

 

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading- hell of a ride. Comments fuel my soul and feed my cattle

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