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Pauses, then says "You're my best friend"

Summary:

Buck sighed. “He said that he was my first... but not my last.”

“Why can't it be both?”

“That’s what I said!” Buck paused. “I don't know, I thought we had a good thing going, but he said I would only break his heart... I guess he figured he should break mine first.”

“And did he?”

“What?”

Eddie’s eyes looked deep into Buck’s. “Did he break your heart? Was it his to break?”

AKA Buddie hooking up on Eddie's couch after the final scene of "Confessions"

Notes:

Starting working on this the second I got home from work Thursday night but haven't been able to polish it up and post it until now <3 This is my very first attempt at writing smut, so hopefully people like it!

Title comes from Taylor Swift's "You Are in Love" AKA one of the most Buddie songs to ever Buddie

Enjoy <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

After Tommy left, Buck sat in silence at his island counter for a long time, thinking over the other man’s words. How could he think that after six months Buck was still figuring himself out? Once again Buck put his heart on the line for a relationship that ended with him watching the other person walk away. 

When Maddie asked him before if he was worried or afraid that Tommy might hurt him like he did Abby... at the time he said no, but now... well, obviously hearing about Tommy’s relationship with her should have been a sign from the universe for him to slow down.

Buck thought back to Tommy turning down his proposal to move in. And it was true, Buck did think the relationship was new and exciting. But wasn’t that how relationships were supposed to feel? Weren’t you supposed to be happy and excited in relationships? Shouldn’t you want to spend time with your significant other?

Apparently Tommy didn’t. 

How come Tommy was so adamant that Buck wasn’t allowed to break his heart but in the same sentence he was allowed to break Buck’s?

Buck rubbed at his eyes, willing himself not to cry. He wasn’t going to shed tears over someone who thought they could just leave like that after six months without trying to fight for the relationship. 

He needed to get out of the loft. He couldn’t sit there and wallow in his misery. Obviously he wasn’t going to the movies anymore.

Maybe Eddie was free. 

Buck didn’t want to text in advance, didn’t want to field any questions over the phone, so he just grabbed his jacket, a 6-pack he had sitting in his fridge, and his keys, locking up behind him. 

The drive to Eddie’s house was silent. Buck couldn’t even bring himself to play music, instead choosing to be alone with his thoughts for the short drive over. 

He couldn’t get the look on Tommy’s face when he told Buck he knew how their relationship would end out of his head. He was so certain that Buck was going to be the problem that led to their breakup. 

What was it about Buck that made people leave him? 

Was he that unlovable? 

Buck cleared his throat, shaking the thought from his mind, as he pulled up to Eddie’s house. 

He knocked on the door, desperately hoping Eddie was home. He could hear Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock and Roll” playing through the door to the house as he rang the doorbell, so he must be there. 

Either that or Buck was about to stumble upon a very weird burglary. 

Eddie opened the door and Buck wordlessly held up a beer before making his way into the home, handing it to Eddie as he stepped past him. 

Without waiting for Eddie to follow him, Buck collapsed onto the couch, cracked his bottle open and started chugging it down. He saw Eddie take a step over his side table and lounge onto the couch next to him, lifting his own bottle up. 

Buck stared off into the distance, thinking about the events that lead him to where he sat now. The room was quiet aside from the low sounds of Eddie’s music, which faded out after the song ended.

Buck took another long drag of his drink, before glancing over at Eddie, finally noticing his state of dress. Or rather, his state of undress. 

Did Eddie really open his front door without pants on?

“Hey, so what’s up with the briefs?”

Shit, that wasn’t how he wanted to break the silence. 

Eddie took another sip of his beer. “Uh, kind of a long story. A weirdly hot priest told me to have some fun.” Eddie shrugged. 

And... what? There was a lot to unpack there. Rather than attempt to dig into what Eddie found “weirdly hot” about a priest, he moved on, focusing instead on the combination of Eddie’s outfit and the music that was playing when Buck arrived.

“Did you recreate Risky Business? Please tell me you recreated Risky Business.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, bumping into Buck’s shoulder. “No comment.”

So that was a yes then.

“Damn...,” Buck tipped the rest of his beer down his throat, placing the empty bottle down on the coffee table. “I’m sorry I missed that.”

Buck grabbed a second bottle, twisting the top off and taking a long swallow. 

“So Tommy broke up with me.”

From the corner of his eye he saw Eddie’s head snap to look at him. 

“Shit Buck, I’m sorry.... What happened?”

Buck sighed. “He said that he was my first... but not my last.”

“Why can't it be both?”

“That’s what I said!” Buck paused. “I don't know, I thought we had a good thing going, but he said I would only break his heart... I guess he figured he should break mine first.” 

“And did he?”

“What?”

Eddie’s eyes looked deep into Buck’s. “Did he break your heart? Was it his to break?”

“I thought it was... But maybe he was right.” Buck paused, thumbing the sticker on his beer bottle. “I think I was just blinded by the novelty of a new relationship. Of a new kind of relationship.”

Eddie nodded. 

“I asked him to move in with me.”

Eddie, who had been taking a drink of his beer, sputtered a little, letting a few drops drip onto his shirt. 

“You what?” Eddie stared at Buck. “Didn’t you learn anything from my relationship with Marisol?”

“Well, I learned not to date a nun.” Buck raised his eyebrows toward Eddie, almost daring him to challenge him. 

Eddie narrowed his eyes. “Anyway... So you asked him to move in with you.”

“Yeah... kind of a stupid decision in hindsight,” Buck sighed. “I guess he was right. I am a himbo.” 

“He called you a himbo??” Eddie put his beer down on the coffee table and crossed his arms. 

“Well not on purpose! He was talking about Abby and how she dated some ‘himbo half her age’ after they broke up. He didn’t know it was me when he said it... but still. He was talking about me.” Buck shrugged. He knew that younger him could be considered a himbo, but he liked to think that he was changed now. 

“Wait, what do you mean after they broke up?”

“Oh I didn’t mention?” Buck couldn’t wait to drop this bomb. “Remember how Abby was with some guy before me and he left her?”

Eddie nodded. 

“Yeah, so apparently Tommy and Abby were engaged before I met her, only he broke up with her because he was gay.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped. “No way.”

Buck nodded. “Yes way. He just... dropped that information on me while we were at dinner the other night. ‘Happy Anniversary babe, by the way I used to have a fiance.’”

“Okay well by his definition, wasn’t he also dating a himbo half his age?”

“Hey!” Buck swatted at Eddie. 

“Kidding, I’m kidding...” Eddie took a drink of his beer. “You aren’t a himbo.” Eddie paused.  “The age thing however...”

Buck rolled his eyes. Yeah, okay, so Tommy wasn’t exactly young. But so what if Tommy was already a firefighter when he was in middle school? By the time they met, he was already a full adult. It was fine. That’s what Buck was telling himself anyway.

“Yeah, I guess we really weren’t compatible...” Buck suddenly remembered the other thing about the anniversary dinner that threw him off. “You know, he gave me tickets to a basketball game for our 6-month anniversary.”

“What?” Eddie’s brow furrowed. “Why would he do that? You hate basketball.” 

“I know!” Buck took a sip from his beer. “Why would I wanna go with him to a Lakers game?”

“He got you tickets to a Lakers game?”

“Yeah, do you wanna go with me?” Eddie gave him a look but Buck just shrugged. “What, it’s not like I’m gonna give the tickets back, they were a gift. Besides,” Buck nudged Eddie, “ You love basketball. There’s no one I would rather go with.”

“Yeah, sure, I’m down.”

Buck smiled as the two lapsed into silence, finding himself looking around Eddie’s house. Even though he knew now that he and Tommy would have never worked out, he was still devastated by the breakup, by the fact that he had practically wasted six months of his life. 

He was in his early thirties. He’s had so many failed relationships now, was it even worth it to keep trying? To put himself out there, just to get hurt again? 

What he needed was someone who would stick around no matter what. Someone who he knew he could trust with his heart. Someone who was kind and funny and good with kids. Someone he could comfortably sit in silence with after a long day.

He needed someone he could laugh with. Someone who would take him seriously, even when the rest of the world wouldn’t. He needed someone who wasn’t afraid to tell it like it is, who wasn’t afraid to put Buck in his place when he needed it. 

He needed someone who he didn’t feel like he had to try with, instead their relationship would just come naturally. Someone who would indulge in his random-infodumping and go along with his eccentricities, no matter how insane they might seem. 

He needed someone who would have his back. 

He needed someone like... Eddie

Oh. 

Oh.

Oh. 

Buck turned to look at his best friend, his mouth suddenly dry as he thought about all of Josh’s questions from earlier. 

Of course he cared about Eddie deeply. Of course he thought about Eddie when he wasn’t around. Of course he could see a future with Eddie. 

And, now that he thought about it with a clear head for more than two seconds, of course he was romantically inclined toward Eddie. 

Nothing was more important to Buck than Eddie’s (and by extension, Christopher’s) happiness.

Suddenly the way he had walked and talked and breathed around Eddie for the last 6 years made perfect sense, like a veil had been lifted and Buck was seeing clearly for the first time in a long time. 

Huh.

So that’s what love feels like. 

Buck didn’t even think. He reached over, grabbed the side of Eddie’s face, and guided him into a soft kiss. His hand slid back behind Eddie’s head, his fingers tangling into the brunette’s hair as he deepened the kiss, flicking his tongue against Eddie’s lips, begging for entrance. 

Eddie let him in and pressed back into Buck and Buck's eyes snapped open. He didn’t even know he had closed them. 

Oh my God, what am I doing?

Buck sat back, his eyes widening as he stared at his best friend, his mind racing. He just kissed Eddie. He kissed Eddie. He kissed Eddie . What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Eddie... I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” Buck cleared his throat, his mouth suddenly dry. “I can leave. I’m so-”

Buck’s words were cut off as Eddie’s lips connected with his again, softer this time. Buck’s eyes fluttered closed as he breathed his best friend in, his hand coming up to Eddie’s shoulder, twisting in his pink shirt. 

The two separated with a pop, making eye contact as Eddie leaned back a few inches, not too far from Buck, but far enough so they could see each other. 

Eddie took a deep breath before speaking. “I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know why I did that...” His eyes darted down to Buck’s lips. “But...” Eddie let the word trail off as he leaned forward again, this time deepening the kiss immediately, one of his hands resting on Buck’s hip and pulling him closer. 

Buck sighed into the kiss, the hand not twisted in Eddie’s shirt curling behind Eddie’s head as the two fought to become one. After what could have been a few minutes, the two separated, Buck resting his forehead against Eddie’s. 

“We should really talk about this.”

Eddie nodded against him. “Yeah, we could... or I could just kiss you again.”

Buck grinned. “Yeah that works.”

He glanced down at himself. “I feel weirdly overdressed though.”

Eddie smiled up at him before pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.  “Well we can fix that.”

Eddie reached his hand down and very skillfully undid Buck’s belt, pulling it loose and throwing it across the room before pushing his jacket down over his shoulders and tossing it behind Buck. 

Buck cradled Eddie’s face between his hands, memorizing the details of his face before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his right cheek, left cheek, nose, and finally finally his lips, licking into his mouth. 

Eddie’s hands wandered to the hem of Buck’s shirt, skating along the edge and dipping inside the fabric, slowly inching it higher and higher as Buck pressed kiss after kiss into Eddie’s mouth. 

Eddie moved back, pulling Buck’s shirt over his head, ruffling his already messy hair. Buck heard his shirt hit the floor somewhere next to the coffee table as he undid the buttons of Eddie’s shirt, letting the fabric fly open, exposing the rest of Eddie’s body.

Buck’s hands nearly shook with anticipation as he shoved the rest of the shirt off. 

Buck gripped Eddie’s naked thighs, pulling him up onto his lap, rolling his hips to rub up against him, pressing his dick into Eddie’s. Meanwhile, Eddie attached his mouth to Buck’s pulse point and sucked hard, drawing a moan out of him.

Buck’s hands came up to cup Eddie’s perfect perfect ass as Eddie mouthed desperately at Buck’s neck. Buck pulled Eddie closer to him, rutting up into him. 

“God Buck,” Eddie groaned out. “Fuck, baby, keep going.” 

Buck’s eyes nearly rolled back into his head at the sound of Eddie’s voice, his desperation for him nearly palpable. Buck dragged a hand up Eddie’s back to grasp at his hair, guiding him away from Buck’s neck so he could pull him into a downright filthy kiss. 

Buck rolled his hips again, coaxing a whimper out of his best friend. Fuck, he needed to be out of these jeans immediately. 

He stood, wrapping Eddie’s legs around his waist and turning to deposit him on his back on the couch before unzipping his pants and quickly losing them. 

He lowered himself down on top of Eddie, straddling him while pressing kisses up his chest. He made his way towards Eddie’s mouth which was quickly becoming his favorite taste. 

His thumb grazed at the band of Eddie’s briefs, a silent question in his eyes as he looked at Eddie, who nodded enthusiastically.

“Please.” 

Buck needed no further instructions as he shucked the briefs down Eddie’s long, glorious legs, pressing kisses along the inside of his thighs. Eddie’s dick sprung loose, already fully upright, and Buck took a moment to marvel at it. 

He reached down and removed his own boxers, not caring where they landed when he kicked them off and suddenly he was fully naked with Eddie on his couch.

Eddie grasped at his neck, pulling him down, pressing one, two, three hard kisses to his mouth while rolling his hips, rubbing his dick up against Buck’s. Buck let out an involuntary groan as his body pushed back against Eddie’s. 

He knew if he wasn’t careful, this was going to be over very quickly. He leaned backward, still straddled over Eddie. 

“Eddie, baby, We can’t go all the way right now,” Eddie’s mouth opened to protest, but Buck shook his head. “Sweetheart, I don’t have a condom and we should both get tested, but as soon as I get the chance, I’m gonna drag you to the bedroom and fuck you until the only thing you remember is my name.” 

Eddie’s eyes darkened with lust. “You promise?”

Buck kissed him once quickly. “I promise.”

Buck let his hand wander down Eddie’s chest, his fingers lightly drawing a pattern on the inside of his thigh, close to his dick but not quite touching yet. “But for now... is this okay?”

“Fuck,” Eddie moaned, throwing his head back. “Buck, Baby, if you don’t touch me right now I swear to God-” Buck cut him off by lightly grasping Eddie’s dick, feeling it slick with precum.

“Oh what’s this? You’re already wet for me sweetheart?”

“Shit Buck, holy fuck.”

Buck stroked up and down a few times, relishing in the little noises that he was able to draw out of his lover’s mouth. He slowly lowered himself down, still moving his hand up and down on Eddie’s dick as he started mouthing at Eddie’s neck, hoping to leave behind a souvenir of this moment.

He wanted to make sure Eddie remembered this every time he looked in the mirror and saw the hickey there. He wanted him to remember that Eddie was his.  

“God damn, Buck, you’re so good at this.” Heat pooled in Buck’s stomach at the praise and he sped up his hand as Eddie let out a frankly obscene groan. 

“Fuck baby, I’m close. I’m-I’m so close.” Buck pressed a hard kiss into Eddie’s mouth, swallowing his words.

“Yeah? You gonna cum for me sweetheart?” Buck gasped out, panting into his lover’s mouth. “Go ahead, baby, you can let go. Come on sweetheart, cum for me.”

Almost like he was waiting for Buck’s permission, Eddie’s body shuttered with release and Buck’s vision whited out just watching him let go, his own orgasm hitting hard. The two rode out their pleasure together before collapsing together onto the couch, breathing heavily. 

Buck laid his head down on Eddie’s chest, the true implications of what they just did finally hitting him. For a moment, he just breathed as Eddie ran a gentle hand through his hair. He snuggled closer to Eddie’s chest, knowing they had to get up soon and clean up. 

Maybe they could shower together before falling into bed for more cuddles. 

God, he could not fucking wait to wake up next to Eddie. 

Buck turned to look at Eddie, his eyes falling to the other man’s lips, wanting another taste. Then Buck remembered he could do that now and shifted himself up Eddie’s body to do just that. 

Buck pulled back and paused, looking down at Eddie, memorizing his face, and said, “You’re my best friend, you know.”

“Yeah I know.”

“And I love you.”

“I know that too. And,” Eddie leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to Buck’s lips. “I love you too.”

“I know I'm your first... but I want to be your last too.”

“You can be. You are. Now that I have you, I don't plan on letting you go. I'm not an idiot.” Eddie's hand gently grazed Buck's cheek and he leaned into the touch. 

“So when I ask to move in together in 6 months, you won't dump me?”

“Baby, I'll move you into this house tomorrow if you want.” Eddie's gaze softened. “I want you to stay. I want to be around you all the time. So just... stay.”

Buck leaned forward, pressing a sweet kiss to Eddie’s mouth, feeling the fresh stubble rub against his face.

“Oh, I meant to ask before we got... distracted... Where did your mustache go?”

Eddie chuckled, rubbing a hand across his face.

“I was recently told that I don’t think I’m worthy... that I hide myself in a disguise in order to pretend that I don’t deserve the things that I want. That’s what the mustache was. It was a disguise. It helped me hide who I was and let me just... be someone else for a little while.”

“But when I was shaving earlier, it was like a weight was lifted and suddenly I could breathe again. I felt... free.”

Eddie ran a hand through Buck’s hair, smiling softly at him.

“I think Father Brian is right. I have been punishing myself. I have been denying myself the things I really want.”

“I didn’t get it at first. But I did want the juice.”

Buck’s brow furrowed as Eddie continued. 

“But then I stupidly second-guessed myself and I grabbed water instead. For years, I reached for water hoping it would quench my thirst instead of grabbing the juice I really wanted.”

“...Sweetheart, I have no idea what that means.”

“Buck, you’re the juice. You’re what I’ve wanted, what I’ve been denying myself all this time.” Eddie’s eyes shone. “But not anymore. You’re mine now and I don’t plan to let you go.” 

“That’s both the sweetest and weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Buck placed a quick peck on Eddie’s lips. “I love you.”

Eddie smiled softly. “I love you too.”

Buck chucked. “You know, I hate to say it, but Tommy was right. He couldn’t be my last... you are.”

“Well, you are definitely both my first and my last. Because you can be both, no matter what your ancient ex says.”

Eddie pulled him down into a kiss, dragging it out before Buck laid his head back down on Eddie’s chest, burrowing into his boyfriend’s chest. At least, he hoped they were boyfriends now, even though that felt like too small a word for what they meant to each other. 

Suddenly, Eddie let out a giggle and Buck raised his eyebrows at him.

“I can’t believe I told Father Brian I was straight.”

Notes:

I really really love these two. They got me giggling and kicking my feet every time they're on screen. I only hope I can find a love like they have some day.

As always, comments and kudos are always appreciated <3

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