Archive of Our Own ^beta

Henry WOULD blow up for tweeting weird shit his roomate (me) does!

My roommate ate an entire cantaloupe in one sitting. With a spoon. Did not cut it up. Just. A WHOLE CANTALOUPE. Just him and a spoon against the world.

Pez set up all these communist symbols and manifesto crap all over his room. He isn't even communist and doesn't even care. I think he just got super high one day and thought it'd be cool. He got too lazy to take any of it down.

I got stabbed with a Katana yesterday... That's pretty standard here.

Pez and I bought a water balloon launcher and bombarded people from the roof today. Would recommend.

Pez got into my bed while he was wasted. I asked him what he was doing, he turned around and said, "go vote in your own booth."

Pez loves dogs. LOVES them. Anytime we're driving and he sees a car with a dog, he rolls his window down and begins to bark at it.

Pez owns six jumpsuits. Two red, two blue, and two green. He wears them every day and says that it’s just easy to put one thing on.

I woke up this morning to go to a lecture, and found out that while drunk at 4am, Pez had somehow stolen a dog and left it in the kitchen. Quite a morning!

i’ve only had david for a day and half but if anything happened to him i would kill henry and then myself.

i love my girlfriends

…Is this thing still on? Been living alone for a month and it’s running my popularity down to the ground

GOD i need to move out of here asap i cannot take this anymore

Henry and Alex are in the middle of a prank war— Alex went out of town for a couple of days and he came back to his room completely plastered in pictures of turkeys. Needless to say he did not find it amusing and this sent them into all out war 😭

Hid Alex’s coffee machine in my car while I was in class. I find it hilarious how he gets flustered when he can’t find his things

My current roommate expects me to take him for walks. I have to feed him and buy him food. David, too.

henry is AWFUL at cooking. today he decided to make homemade soup for me because i was sick and he was so excited when i woke up from my second nap, bursting with joy over his creation. i don’t even know what was in it and i really didn't have the heart to tell him how… this… "soup" looked. ate every bit of it though!

My ex stopped by, so I hid in Alex’s closet. I'd been in the shower at the time, so I was in there, naked. When he walked in his room, he found a very large, very naked man in his closet. He screamed like a girl.

I worry about Alex sometimes because he gets so into “the zone” when he’s studying that he doesn’t leave his room. He only comes out to drink coffee. Downs 4-6 mugs per day. Then he takes the ENTIRE coffee machine into his room.

"BABY COME BACK".......... Who up giggling and kicking their feet?

​​Alex just poured the milk before the cereal. Going to ask him to move out.

Alex has been whistling all day. Just. Constant, happy whistling.

here lies henry fox rip king :(

is it not traditional to yell out "quit jacking it!" when you enter a house?

henry brought home a baby squirrel last night. welp. taking name suggestions. henry ur not allowed to make any

Alex keeps saying "My wife!" in a Borat voice at least once per day. Free me.

Me right now

We have a campus cat, and Alex always stops and says hello. He thinks he has a special mental connection with cats because they always stare at him when he walks by and rub themselves against his leg. It's cute.

davey was literally so happy to see me i swear to god he stared at me all night while i slept

God when is it my turn, is it normal to be jealous of my own DOG??

Four months of living with Alex and I’ve turned into an insane yearner.

Lots of intense stare downs and faces made when you live with Alex. Like when we’re watching TV on the couch, Alex will just stare me down as I‘m looking at the screen.

just screamed “NO” so loudly Henry dropped his hairdryer and now my whole apartment building knows doge the dog is dead

I told Alex that I don’t celebrate my birthday because I felt like it wasn’t a big deal and he surprised me with a cake and flowers. He invited our friends over and I was surrounded with love today and I haven’t felt that in a bit.

Sometimes Alex just comes into my room and sits on my bed next to me when I'm reading and just talks my ear off.

Alex and I now have a sudoku taped to the wall next to the kettle, which we collaborate on whenever we're making our drinks every morning.

I love when I’m laughing at my phone and then Alex starts laughing because I am laughing and we’re both laughing for no reason at all.

Alex keeps calling me “oomf” and I don't know what that means.

Alex is making me watch Twilight for the first time… Charlie Swan if you want to get married, you know where to find me.

Henry opened Twitter while he was talking to Alex and he clocked Henry so bad it was a complete PR disaster. he was like did you just zoom in on a picture of Oscar Issac mid conversation and Henry couldn't even defend himself bc yes he did

lots of the time henry and i will talk to each other while one is pissing and the other is showering and just standing in the bathroom.

when i wake up before my roommate and his boyfriend i’ll go cuddle them for a few minutes before class

YOU could be though...

I love my husband so much ❤️ (My bisexual roommate that wants to cook for me daily)

Alex just heated beans in a red solo cup because “I am not cooking white people food, Henry. It deserves no respect.” Why do I put up with him?

listening to arctic monkeys with my roommate’s dog

Do you ever get a raging friend crush like NEED to queen out w you...

Alex and I have a weekly "date night" where we eat a nice dinner and watch a movie. It almost always ends up with him losing his pants somewhere through the movie and just sitting there in his boxers.

Alex: Wanna hang out?

Me: Sure

Us:

I'm being tormented in my own home. Alex is making up lyrics to Afternoon Delight. Help.

My gay senses are tingling, why do I think Alex is going to ask me out……?

My boyfriend is a really tall, total ‘bro’ of a lacrosse player. When we went to bed last night, he took an old stuffed bunny toy in pyjamas from under his pillow and kissed it goodnight before hugging it close to him. I love him.

This is David. He is my girlfriend’s girlfriend’s brother’s boyfriend’s dog but he stays with me some nights so they can have sex. It is a great situation for everyone involved!

hey @HenryFox if ur free on a friday night when i’m free on friday night we could go on a date on a friday night is when i’m free. if you wanna go on a date on friday night it’s when i’m free. the night of friday is the time that i’m free

Alex: I love you

Me: oh wow, I don’t know what to say. I mean yes we live together & we have become close & I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel any chemistry since we’ve been dating for so long-

Alex: oh sorry, I was talking to David

Making breakfast for my beautiful boyfriend ❤️